1 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,683 (MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:18,361 (COUGHS) 3 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:38,000 Ripped By mstoll 4 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,123 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 5 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,962 Three, four, 6 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,560 five, six, 7 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,362 seven, eight. 8 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,250 (KEYS JINGLING) 9 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,010 One, two, three, 10 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:37,684 four, five, six, 11 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,684 seven, eight. 12 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:51,007 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 13 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,281 I just can't stop thinking about Jessa, you know? 14 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,160 Like, where is she? What is she wearing? Is it linen? 15 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,129 What language is she speaking, you know? 16 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,521 Is she in a tropical climate, or, like, somewhere up high? 17 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,965 Oh, my God. Is she warm enough? 18 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,123 She's warm enough. She's definitely warm enough. 19 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,362 Honestly, she's probably better off than any of us. 20 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,081 She's a fucking hustler, you know? And not in the positive sense of that word. 21 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,807 I just... I miss her so much. Will you hold these? 22 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,486 Shosh, you're falling for this. This is what she does. 23 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,244 She, like, fucks shit up, leaves, 24 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,641 and blames it on, like, her marriage, or her relationship with her dad. 25 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,166 But, like, this is what she does. This is classic Jessa. 26 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,844 I just don't think Hannah seems to care. 27 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,321 She does care. She's just working really hard on her book. 28 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,086 Oh, my God. We totally forgot to talk about Charlie selling his app, Forbid. 29 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,640 Wait, what? Charlie has an app? 30 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,168 - Yeah. - Yeah. Forbid. 31 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:51,245 He sold it to, like, a very esteemed business tycoon for, like, a very large sum of money, 32 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,802 and now he has a corner office in said tycoon's Chelsea building 33 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,086 with, like, 11 employees. 34 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,170 - Charlie has a company? - Yeah. 35 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,362 He's basically become a bougie nightmare. 36 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,370 I'm sorry. I have to go. 37 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,490 We may never see her again. 38 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,724 I do not trust anyone anymore. Seriously, like, the fabric of life is just... 39 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,210 - Radhika! - Oh, my God. Shoshanna? 40 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,967 - Radhika! - Shoshie! 41 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,442 Oh, my God. Radhika! 42 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,450 Radhi... You're rollerblading. 43 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,161 - Aren't these so funny and vintage? - (CHUCKLES) Vintage. 44 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,607 You're about to make me cry, and I don't even know you. 45 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,325 This is my boyfriend, Ray. 46 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,920 Oh, love it. 47 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,049 Now I know where you've been all summer. 48 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,926 Um, I mean, like, what do you mean? 49 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,651 I've... I'm, like, right here. You know, I haven't... I've been here. 50 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,808 Well, I'm just so happy to see you. 51 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,928 You guys should come to my impromptu tonight. 52 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,725 We will so come to your party. Oh, my God. 53 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,689 Great, I'll text you the deets. 54 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,240 I'm going to J.Crew. I'm going shopping, and I'm gonna be so late. 55 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,368 - Oh, love you. - Bye, lovie. 56 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,646 - Kisses. Bye. - Bye. 57 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,490 She's the richest Hindi I know. 58 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,483 We are not going to that party tonight. 59 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,051 Why? 60 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,840 I don't even know where to begin explaining that to you. 61 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:13,481 Um, do I need to explain to you that she said, "I know where you have been all summer"? 62 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:14,607 Okay, seriously? 63 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,771 I am a girl who has found love and then disappeared, 64 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:21,561 and my worst nightmare is that someone knows or thinks that I've died when I haven't, 65 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,766 and I'm living that. 66 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,800 First of all, you know I don't like it when you use air quotes. 67 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,803 Pantomime to express your emotions is a crutch. 68 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,086 We've talked about that. 69 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,924 Secondly, I'm a 33-year-old man. 70 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,646 It's creepy for me to go to a college party. You have to understand that. 71 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,961 I think it's creepy for a college senior to go to a college party. 72 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,281 Okay, well, I don't think it's creepy, and I'm going. 73 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,521 Okay, well, fine. Have a good time. 74 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,970 - Fine. - Fine. 75 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,931 (GROANS) 76 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,606 Shosh! 77 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,528 I would like to thank everybody that spoke this afternoon. 78 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,682 Now, final order of business. 79 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,250 Next week's cookies. 80 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:00,122 I've been the only person buying cookies for the last three or four weeks. 81 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:04,649 And it might be nice if somebody else decided to step up and buy a batch. 82 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,405 Aw, come on, guys. 83 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,370 - It's part of the deal. - Hi, I'm Adam, and I'm an alcoholic. 84 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,651 GROUP: Hi, Adam. 85 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:14,881 - Um... - Hi, Adam. 86 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,241 I've been sober since I was 17. 87 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,651 Um... 88 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,411 I knew I had a problem pretty early on, 89 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,849 and I dealt with it because I didn't want to wait and I knew it would just get worse. 90 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,604 I felt pretty solid after I stopped drinking. 91 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,760 I stopped coming to as many meetings, but lately, I haven't felt so solid anymore, so... 92 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,001 I had this girlfriend who at first I didn't like very much. 93 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,287 Or I didn't take her very seriously, I guess. 94 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,801 She just seemed like, you know, a piece of ass. 95 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,406 But she was persistent, man. 96 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:48,088 And she just hung around and hung around, and showed up at my place. 97 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,091 And gradually, it started to feel better when she was there. 98 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,443 It wasn't love the way I imagined it. 99 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,966 I just felt weird if I didn't know what she was up to or whatever. 100 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,324 And I liked knowing that she was just gonna be there and warm and staying the night. 101 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:08,284 And she acted like I was teaching her everything about fucking history, about sex. 102 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,364 She didn't know what street Central Park started on or how to use soap, 103 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,771 and I showed her. 104 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,923 And I wanted that chance to show someone everything. 105 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,526 But she changed her mind about me, and it was that fast. 106 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,445 I'm just so exhausted. 107 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,686 Okay. 108 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,725 And I'll bring cookies. 109 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,771 I don't really like cookies that much, so don't get mad at me if I bring the wrong shit. 110 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,527 Thank you, Adam. 111 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,648 So Adam's bringing the cookies. 112 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,321 Honey. 113 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,528 - Me? - Yeah, you. 114 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,168 Yeah, uh, hi. 115 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,642 Oh, my, God's teeth. You are tall. 116 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,087 - Yeah, I'm a little taller than average, yeah. - (LAUGHS) 117 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,322 - How tall are you, 6'2"? - 6'3" 118 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,481 Ha! 119 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,651 That's a very respectable height. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's good. 120 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,007 I'm en... I'm enjoying it, yeah. 121 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,128 Yeah, listen. I gotta tell ya. 122 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,006 I'm just gonna tell ya. I'm very impressed by you. Your honesty. 123 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,685 I want you to meet my daughter. 124 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,410 I want you to. 125 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:25,771 Really, I don't even usually encourage her dating because she is a very nice, busy girl. 126 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:30,044 But God damn if you're not cuter than a dimple on a bug's ass. 127 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,089 - (CHUCKLES) Jesus Christ. - Ha! 128 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,446 - Oh, thank you. - (LAUGHS) Yeah. 129 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,931 - That was scary. - (BOTH LAUGH) 130 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,365 - Really? But I like you. - No. 131 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,646 Oh, thanks... Thanks. 132 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,610 - Um, uh, no. - Wonderful. 133 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,729 So you'll give her a call. You'll give her a call. Her name is Natalia. 134 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:48,283 I will tell her that you'll be calling her. I'll tell her you'll be calling her. 135 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,566 Oh, you've got a phone, right? 136 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,844 Yes, I do. I do have a phone. 137 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,490 Fabulous. 138 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,050 I mean fabulous. 139 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,571 - Fabulous. - Fabulous. 140 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:57,641 Yeah. 141 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,086 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 142 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,964 MAN: So, I'm gonna have my assistant send over the new Jack Johnson album. 143 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,610 - You're gonna love it. - Nah, dude, that's all right. 144 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,081 - I'm not too into... - Trust me, you're gonna love it, okay? 145 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,845 - And when you love it, we're going the 29th. - All right. 146 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,604 - Take care. - Okay, see ya. 147 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,764 (CHUCKLES) Funny. 148 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,728 Excuse me, can I help you? 149 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:31,404 Mindy, how is the Rothberry account? Did that go well? 150 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,324 - There is no Rothberry account. - You're just making stuff up now? 151 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,722 You're such a good employee. All right, I'll see you later. 152 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,325 Yo. 153 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,120 Yo. 154 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,445 Hi. 155 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,286 Hi. 156 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,842 Hi, this message is for Natalia. 157 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,284 Uh, I'm Adam Sackler. 158 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:13,050 Your mother, Cloris, gave me your number and suggested that I call you. 159 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,209 So, here I am. 160 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,649 Um... 161 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,330 So... Hello! 162 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,483 Hello, yes, hi. This is a fucking landline. 163 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,205 Whoa. 164 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,724 Oh, you would. Great. 165 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,161 Great. 166 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,481 Yes, I'll call you back with a spot. 167 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:36,168 You'll know me. I'm very tall and, uh, semi-dashing. 168 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:43,127 Your mother said you had great, um, teeth, so I'll be lookin' at you like a creep. 169 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,685 Okay. 170 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,328 Yes, nice to talk to you. 171 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,690 Adíos. 172 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,403 I'll be staring at you like a creep, 'cause I'm a creep. 173 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,403 Hi, Natalia. I'm a creep. 174 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,361 Fuck. 175 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,326 This place is crazy. 176 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,051 Yeah, well, it's the guy that bought the app. He had the extra space for us. 177 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,121 Oh, I see. 178 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,964 So, what, you were just in the neighborhood? 179 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,129 Yeah, yeah. I was just running some errands. 180 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,407 I mean, Chelsea's really, really central, and then I was like, 181 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,642 "I have an appointment after and I haven't seen you in a while," 182 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,245 so I just thought, "Why don't I just stop by?" 183 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,287 - And so I just, like... - Yeah. 184 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,124 - ...you know, I figured out where it was and... - All right. 185 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,328 - Okay, are you okay? - Yeah. 186 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,529 Okay, 'cause you seem kind of all over the place. I don't know. 187 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,967 No, no, no. I'm just here for support. 188 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,769 Yeah? From me or for me? 189 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,650 - What? - Okay, so that's my office there. 190 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,405 There's the kitchen there. Free candy. 191 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,721 I'm not really that into it, but it makes people happy. 192 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:43,961 - That's so cool. - You know? 193 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,127 - That's very cool. - It's pretty cool. 194 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,009 - Yeah? Oh. - Charlie, when you have a moment, 195 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,163 I have some mock-ups of the interface that I think are closer to what you imagined. 196 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,446 Oh, rad. Okay, cool. 197 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,091 I'll be there in, like, one minute, Marla. Thank you. 198 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,487 Yep. 199 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,046 What is she working on? 200 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,249 Uh, well, we're developing these other apps in the vein of Forbid. 201 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,560 I don't know, people are really responding 202 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:05,401 to software that protects them from themselves, you know, or other people. 203 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,690 I'm sorry to be so behind the times, but what exactly does Forbid do? 204 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,649 - Hey, Charlie. - Um, oh... Hey. 205 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:12,721 Uh... 206 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,731 It prevents you from calling people that you shouldn't call, 207 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,247 be it a unrequited love or someone that fired you. 208 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,846 But if you want to call them, then you have to pay $10 to un-forbid. 209 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:22,921 Got it. 210 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,924 So the app is free, but breaking your word to yourself isn't. 211 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,970 - That's smart. - Yeah, yeah. 212 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,765 Well, I mean, you were the inspiration, actually. 213 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,009 I started it right after we first broke up. 214 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,882 That's weird. (CHUCKLES) 215 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,962 No. I mean, it makes sense. 216 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,446 I don't know. At least it turned out really well for you, right? 217 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:46,809 No, I mean, everything turned out great. Yeah. It's awesome. 218 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,562 Yeah. I mean, I hope you got paid a lot of money for it. 219 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,085 - They paid me a shitload. - Good. 220 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,970 - No, it's not that much. But enough. - Oh. 221 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,410 - Good. - Yeah. 222 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,049 Do you need money? Is that why you're here? 223 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,246 - Oh, my God, no. - (SIREN BLARING) 224 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,731 Charlie. 225 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,404 - What? Oh, my God. - Charlie. 226 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,563 Oh, fuck. Yes, that's right. We gotta go do this. 227 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:08,687 What's happening? 228 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,651 Oh, uh, the office next door, they're doing a lip-dub thing for their YouTube channel. 229 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,085 - Lip-dub. - Yeah, sorry. 230 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,207 (MUSIC BLARING) 231 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:16,930 - Okay. - Yes. 232 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:18,641 Lip-dub. 233 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:20,767 Come on! 234 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,929 Where is she? 235 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:37,607 I always factor in a Hannah cushion of 15 to 45 minutes. 236 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,284 Oh, oh, oh. 237 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,767 - Hi. - Hi. 238 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,410 Sorry I'm late. I was working. 239 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,562 Oh, well, if you get in the zone, you get in the zone. 240 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:48,971 No fears, bro. 241 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,367 We had such a good time at the museum yesterday. 242 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,603 And today was the commencement address at the conference. 243 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,570 It has been such an awesome conference. 244 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,449 I never thought I'd meet so many other women 245 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,046 that feel the same way I do about Ann Patchett. 246 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,770 What about Ann Patchett? 247 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,804 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 248 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,246 (ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING) 249 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,325 Holy shit. 250 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,251 Oh, my God. I love my mom. (CHUCKLES) 251 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,961 I'm excited about Judy Collins. Judy is so timeless. 252 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,442 I'm just as happy now to see her perform as when I was in my barefoot days. 253 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:51,646 (LAUGHS) 254 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,041 You guys, things are going really, really well with my book. 255 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,691 You know, my first pages are due next week, and I've gotten a lot done, 256 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,240 so I feel like if I continue at this rate, then... 257 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,247 I'm gonna get there quickly with the book. 258 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,886 - What's up, honey? - Loreen. 259 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,449 Nothing, I'm just telling you about my book. 260 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,848 - You're counting to eight. - Loreen. 261 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,921 No, she's counting. 262 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,331 - Maybe after the show. - No, I'm not. 263 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,246 I'm not. 264 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,803 Look, if your head is filling up and you're getting count-y, we need to know. 265 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,763 We can help you, but not if you don't let us know. 266 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,450 Well, how would you help me? 267 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,444 If it was going on, theoretically, which it isn't, so I don't need help. 268 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,048 We'd bring you home for a little bit and get you straightened out with Doctor... 269 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,360 - Schupak. - Schupak. 270 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,647 With your OCD. 271 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,884 Dr. Schupak is a pediatrician, okay? And I don't have OCD. 272 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,204 If I did have OCD, I would tell you because I wouldn't be able to hold that in. 273 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,569 Sweetie, you're not holding it in. 274 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:51,884 I'm not holding it in 'cause I don't have to hold it in because it's not going on, Mom. 275 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,567 And if it was, don't you think that I would say something to you about it? 276 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,087 Okay, it hurts me more than it hurts you. 277 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:03,449 I'm the one who has to experience it, not you. I'm the one who has to experience it. 278 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,807 You think we didn't experience it? 279 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,010 You think we didn't suffer, worrying about whether you'd have a normal life? 280 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,327 - Mom. - No. We don't know why you had OCD. 281 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,881 We don't know why. I mean, we're still married. 282 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,564 - We never raised a hand to you. - Of course not. 283 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,244 - It's not our fault. - TAD: Okay. 284 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,722 Well, it's genetic, which is sort of the ultimate your fault, so... 285 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,126 Oh, come on. 286 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,281 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 287 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,928 will you please welcome back to Café Carlyle Miss Judy Collins. 288 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,490 - (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) - TAD: Oh. 289 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,370 Thank you so much. 290 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,528 Sometimes I remember the old days 291 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,804 When the world was filled with sorrow 292 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,407 You might've thought I was livin' 293 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,929 I was all alone 294 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,166 In my heart, the rain was falling 295 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,165 The wind blew, the night was callin' 296 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,722 Come back, come back 297 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,121 I'm all you've ever known 298 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,406 No, I work with a private eye. 299 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,889 - You work for a private eye? - Yeah. 300 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,647 And I love it, because, you know, sometimes, he uses me as the decoy. 301 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,882 - No fuckin' way. - Mmm, yes, way. 302 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,480 He lets me be the girl that distracts, you know? 303 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,167 Like, at a bar or something, so he can collect documents. 304 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,571 - Unreal. - Mmm-hmm. 305 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,570 - Is that why you're here now, as a decoy? - (LAUGHS) 306 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:40,210 No, I'm here because my mom said that you were a very nice boy with a fresh look. 307 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,285 - Well, I like your mom. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 308 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,529 She's very, uh, ferocious. 309 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,607 She... Yes, that's one word for it. Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 310 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,285 You're very easy to talk to. 311 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,762 I thought this was gonna suck ass, but you're very easy to talk to. 312 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,729 Okay, good. (CHUCKLES) 313 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,321 That's great. I just... I think that dating is awful. 314 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,609 I just don't understand people who can go out with someone and be so relaxed about it. 315 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,411 I know, I can't be relaxed. I'm fucking sweating bullets over here. 316 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,891 - (LAUGHING) - I've had to pee for the past 30 minutes. 317 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,803 (BOTH LAUGHING) 318 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,365 Miss? 319 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,647 Miss? Who are you here to see? 320 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,644 Oh, uh, sorry. Radhika, G78. 321 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,647 Of course. Radhika's a party girl. 322 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,724 You have a lovely evening. 323 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,481 Um... 324 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,449 Thank, thank... You, too. 325 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,725 And is looking for his fun 326 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,003 Someday soon I'm going with him 327 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,804 Someday soon 328 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,483 My parents, they can't stand him 329 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,929 'Cause he works the rodeo 330 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,169 My father says that he 331 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,766 Will leave me cryin' 332 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,729 Oh, I would follow him right down... 333 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,848 What the fuck? She just hit me, like, five times. 334 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,971 It was eight times. 335 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,810 Someday soon 336 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,451 Honey, where are you going? 337 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,806 When he comes to call my pa 338 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,487 He ain't got a good word to say 339 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:43,965 You are fine and good. You are fine and good. You are fine and good. You are fine and good. 340 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:50,288 You are good and fine. You are good and fine. You are good and fine. You are good and fine. 341 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,125 So, I mean, you know, it's just, like, between me and Marnie and Ray, 342 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,929 it's kind of like an orphanage, you know what I mean? 343 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,002 Do not get me wrong, I love Ray. 344 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,605 And it's like... It's great having Marnie around 345 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,808 when I'm not solving her life, which is, like, all the time. 346 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,723 But it's just like, when is Shosh time? 347 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,086 - You know? - Yeah. 348 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,242 Anyways, I've just been thinking a lot about growing up recently, 349 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,369 and, like, I realized that I'm always gonna be surrounded by people. 350 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,807 Like, always. And they're always gonna need something from me. 351 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,331 Like, if it's not my boss, 352 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,563 it'll be my husband, or it'll be my kids, or, like, my Aunt Eileen, who has no one, 353 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,484 and I'm gonna have to, like, coddle and feed her when she gets older, you know? 354 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,087 So, like, I just think that this living experience is, like, a really great opportunity 355 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,889 to learn what it's gonna be like when I'm an adult. 356 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,203 When my kids actually need things from me, like, when I have to clothe and feed them... 357 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,089 - And, like, it's... - Hey, asshole. 358 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,050 Literally, the one thing I told you was not to ash in my mermaid. 359 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,451 Ugh! 360 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,247 You leaving already? 361 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,121 Uh, yeah. 362 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,244 It's not a cool vibe up there? 363 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:57,169 Um, it's... No, it's, like... It's fine. I think I'm just not... 364 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,527 - I think I'm not a party person. - Me neither. 365 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,521 Really? 366 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,967 Well, I'm more into clubs and stuff. 367 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,281 Um... 368 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:10,763 - Yeah. Yeah, me, too. Totally into clubs. - That's maybe where I've seen you. 369 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,649 I feel like I've seen you in a club or something. 370 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,643 I mean, that's, like... Yeah. 371 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,768 That's really possible that you've seen me at a club. 372 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,808 That's, like, totally possible. 373 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,126 What's your name? 374 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,331 Shoshanna. 375 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,410 That's a nice name. 376 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,484 I never heard it before. Is it, like, Muslim or something? 377 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,085 Sort of. 378 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,444 I'm sorry if this is, like, really insulting, 379 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,807 but you're, like, really good-looking for a doorman. 380 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,170 Thank you. I think you're beautiful. 381 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,526 Um, thank you, too. Thank you. 382 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,685 - What happens if you leave the door? - Nothing, nothing. 383 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,890 A tranny walked in last time and he was just walking around the floors, but it was nothing. 384 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,803 It was... I swear to God. 385 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,846 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) 386 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,161 Where's Shosh? 387 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,565 She's at a party. 388 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,571 Navigating her way through the folds of pure conformity. 389 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,529 Charlie is living the dream. 390 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,967 I thought he was gonna be broken for, like, at least six years. 391 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,202 I, like, mentally budgeted six years of brokenness. 392 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,281 He's not broken at all. 393 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:31,206 And it just proves to me, like, it doesn't matter how right you do things. 394 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:36,446 Because you know who end up living their dreams are, like, sad messes like Charlie. 395 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:42,402 And the people who end up flailing behind are people like me who have their shit together. 396 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,571 Marnie learned another life lesson. How adorable. 397 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,244 - (BAG CRINKLES) - Want a gummy frog? 398 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:55,801 Ugh! 399 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,802 I'm gonna have you retrieve that when you're less upset. 400 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,844 Okay, look. 401 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,725 You're mad because you want what he has. 402 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,810 So stop thinking and start doing that. 403 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,845 I don't understand. 404 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,160 - Okay, Marnie... - I don't understand. 405 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,242 What's your dream, hmm? 406 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,163 What do you really, really wanna do? 407 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,323 You wanna be a curator? 408 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,720 - Open up a small gallery - (GROANS) 409 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,325 in an old burrito factory. 410 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,965 You wanna be a mother? Get fucking pregnant. 411 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,166 Oh, my God. 412 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,481 Turn this potential energy into kinetic energy. 413 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,166 Stop being a cartographer, and become an explorer. 414 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,965 What do you really want to do? What's your dream? 415 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,008 - Stop thinking. Just tell me. What is it? - Just yell it out? 416 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,407 What are you feeling? What's inside of you? Just tell me... 417 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,005 I wanna sing. 418 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,445 What's the second thing you wanna do? 419 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,766 That's my dream. 420 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,611 To sing? 421 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:43,727 Yes. 422 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,923 Okay. That's not the road I thought you were gonna take here, but okay. (STUTTERS) 423 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,963 - Let me hear something. - Oh, now you wanna hear me sing? 424 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,121 Just a few bars. Just let me hear something. 425 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,361 - Just give me a little... - (GROANS) 426 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,169 Okay, give me a second. (CLEARS THROAT) 427 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:57,801 (HUMS) 428 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,681 (SINGING) 429 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,565 Okay, it's getting a little too intimate for me, so I'm gonna stop you there, 430 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,484 but your voice is... It's nice. 431 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,807 Thank you. 432 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,770 Marnie, if you wanna sing, if you really wanna sing, 433 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,968 then you have to sing, and you have to do it now. 434 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,526 - You're never gonna look this good again. - Thank you. 435 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,648 The clay is drying, okay? 436 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,690 You can't dress like a magician's assistant for very much longer. 437 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:48,004 Now is the time... If you wanna sing, then you should sing now. Right now. 438 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,287 Not at this moment, right now. I mean, like, in general... 439 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:59,807 - Well, be more fucking specific. - I thought it was obvious. 440 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,561 (SIGHS) 441 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,842 - I can't fucking believe this. - Yeah, well... 442 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,046 This isn't exactly how we wanted to spend our visit, either. 443 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,283 You know, this guy helped Sharon Klingman's son... 444 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:17,283 - He was an arsonist, Dad. - Yeah. 445 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,964 - He strapped frogs to rockets. - Oh. 446 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,371 Okay, he was deeply disturbed. 447 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,245 I don't know how he got into college. I'm not supposed to be here. 448 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,481 Look, after this, why don't... 449 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:29,771 We'll just head downtown to Serendipity's and we'll have ice-cream sundaes, 450 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,491 and we'll kind of just... We'll talk... 451 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,005 - I'm not hungry. - Okay. 452 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:35,809 Did you hear that, Mom? I said I'm not hungry. 453 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,962 - She heard that. - Maybe I'm anorexic. 454 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,481 Oh, God. Maybe we should see another specialist. 455 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,880 Come on, now. 456 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:47,006 You're not anorexic. That's ridiculous. I've seen you in a bathing suit. 457 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,320 Tad. 458 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,084 - She was kidding. - Oh. 459 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,925 Yeah. 460 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,769 Like I didn't know that. 461 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,490 (SIGHS) 462 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,288 HANNAH: I mean, this hasn't happened since high school. 463 00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:01,364 - And it was very bad in high school? - Yeah, I mean, it was pretty bad. 464 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,843 I counted stuff. It was bad. 465 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,445 What did you count? 466 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,241 Uh... 467 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,964 Every pulse in my vagina. Um... 468 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,805 I would force myself to see things on a loop of eight. 469 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,565 Like, sexual things, murder things. 470 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,450 So, it was really a classical presentation. 471 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,365 Well, okay. 472 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,161 Then I guess it's classic to have to masturbate eight or 16 times a night 473 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,049 until your legs shake and you're crying, 474 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,202 and you're trying to make sure that your parents didn't hear you, 475 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,080 so you check their door eight times, then you move your toothbrush 64 times, 476 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,003 then you move your dad's toothbrush 64 times, 477 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,525 then you go back and forth between the two, 478 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,041 moving each one eight times until you've reached 64 times, 479 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:43,122 but then you realize that that doesn't feel quite right either, 480 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,806 and suddenly it's 3:00 in the morning, and you're fucking exhausted, 481 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,769 and you go to school the next day looking like a zombie. 482 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,285 It's classical. 483 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,049 Anyway, I took medicine, so... 484 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:54,565 Are you taking medicine now? 485 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,926 - Mmm-mmm. - Why? 486 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,411 Uh, because it made me tired. 487 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,245 - How tired? - Very tired. 488 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,482 So, why are your parents so worried, do you think? 489 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,131 Uh, because they think I seem anxious. 490 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,282 Do you have a reason to be anxious? 491 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,407 Um, I went through a breakup about a month ago. 492 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,608 And was that stressful? 493 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,045 Uh, yeah. It was pretty stressful. 494 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:20,523 He acted very crazy and not normal. And he's still trying to contact me, so... 495 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,087 - And that was unwanted? - Uh, in some ways. 496 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,811 I can't really decide if he's the greatest person in the world or the worst, 497 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,363 and I should probably take my space till I figure that out, according to everybody, so... 498 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,563 Also, I don't really think you would understand any of my problems 499 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:36,687 because you seem like 500 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,242 you have a tremendous amount of willpower and general togetherness. 501 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,685 And why do you say that? 502 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,684 (CHUCKLES) Well, I'm not gonna, like, give you a compliment now. 503 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,290 I have a book deal. 504 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,600 I don't know if my mom told you that, 505 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,286 that it's a really important professional moment for me. 506 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:03,161 Well, that's just really tremendously stressful. I mean, no wonder, you know? 507 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,565 Have you written a book? 508 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,090 Yes, mmm-hmm. 509 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,848 Was it a therapeutic text? 510 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:12,886 No. 511 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,206 Was it a memoir? 512 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,608 No, it was about a dog, a little boy and his bionic dog. 513 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,931 - Your book's about a bionic dog? - Yes, mmm-hmm. 514 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,924 Every book, he would save the world from disaster. 515 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,044 I think we sold about... 516 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,087 Yeah, we sold two and a half million copies. 517 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,370 I will really do anything you say if you just tell my parents that I'm okay. 518 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,565 Are you? 519 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,365 I hate it when you look so concerned about me. 520 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,084 (SONG PLAYING) 521 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:13,500 Ripped By mstoll