(crying) Emma, stop, stop, stop.
Emma's left the building.
She say anything about me?
No, why would she? Because I kissed her.
(school bell ringing) ARTIE: Mr. Shue, Finn,
thank you for agreeing to this sit-down.
We've all noticed the tension between you ever since Finn
admitted he kissed Miss Pillsbury.
Sorry I'm late. Huge line up at the Lima Bean,
but here are the lattes that Mr. Shue made me get everybody.
Um, I asked for two pumps of mocha, Finn.
I taste three. Take 'em back.
All of them.
I'm sorry, Mr. Shue, but all I did was pick up the vests.
I didn't... What's most upsetting is you actually think
these vests are clean,
that it's okay to turn in subpar work.
No surprise. Finn has been acting
like he's losing his mind.
Great job, Ryder! See that, guys?
Prowess on the football field and a terrific singing voice
are not mutually exclusive. I can't take it anymore!
Okay, it's bad enough you're treating me like your lackey,
but I'm not gonna sit here while you fake-compliment Ryder
just to hurt me!
(school bell ringing) You're feuding. And it needs to stop.
Seriously. It's like Hatfields and McCoys in here.
So epic musical feuds is our theme.
And for the first time in Glee Club history, we are giving you
our fearless leaders, an assignment.
You two will explore and resolve your differences
by performing a song together
inspired by a classic musical rivalry.
Guys... Regionals are coming up,
Mr. Shue, and if we're gonna have any chance of winning,
we need both of you.
On the same page and on the same team.
Sync & corrections by wilson0804 www.Addic7ed.com
(sighs)
False alarm.
Thank God. I'm so happy.
I'm so glad this is all over with.
Thank you for taking me here today.
All right, I'm gonna go to class.
Whoa, hey. That's it?
That's all you have to say about this?
Well, the doctor gave me the all-clear. What else is there?
Rachel, you can't just blow past this like nothing ever happened.
This is a wake-up call. This is an opportunity
for you to take a hard look at the choices
that you're making, where your life is heading.
Starting with Donkey Face.
Hey, I'm Dallas. What's your name?
Uh, Gunnar.
(chuckles) Dude, relax.
I've seen you here the past few weeks.
Look around. We're not exactly alone.
Look, this isn't a real thing for me, okay?
It's... I need it for my tuition, you know?
Hey, man, I'm sure everyone has a legit reason to be here.
Speaking of. We'll talk about it.
("How to be a Heartbreaker" by Marina and the Diamonds plays)
♪ Rule number one
♪ Is that you gotta have fun
♪ But, baby, when you're done
♪ You gotta be the first to run ♪
♪ Rule number two
♪ Just don't get attached to... ♪
♪ Somebody you could lose
♪ So le-let me tell you
♪ This is how to be a heartbreaker ♪
♪ Boys... they like a little danger ♪
♪ We'll get him falling for a stranger, a player ♪
♪ Singing "I lo-lo-love you"
At least I think I do.
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ 'Cause I lo-lo-love you
♪ Girls... we do whatever it will take ♪
♪ 'Cause girls don't want
♪ We don't want our hearts to break... in two ♪
♪ So it's better to be fake
♪ Can't risk losing in love again, babe ♪
♪ This is how to be a heartbreaker ♪
♪ Boys... they like a little danger ♪
♪ We'll get him falling for a stranger, a player ♪
♪ Singing "I lo-lo-love you"
♪ How to be a heartbreaker
♪ Boys... they like the look of danger ♪
♪ We'll get him falling for a stranger, a player ♪
♪ Singing I lo-lo-love you
♪ At least I think I do
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
♪ 'Cause I lo-lo-love you.
At least I think I do.
You know we only take cash, right?
(bell ringing)
Young Burt Reynolds, may I gently remind you
that on Wednesday, December 5, you joined the Cheerios!
But you've been conspicuously absent from practice
since Thursday, December 6.
We've told you, we only joined for a day
when we thought Glee Club was disbanding.
And yet you signed this legally binding contract
that clearly states on page 43, paragraph 7C-9:
"Blaine Devon Anderson will provide said Cheerios! Duty
"at any and all pep rallies, assemblies, town meetings,
"state fairs, concerts, television programs,
"motion pictures, video games,
Republican national conventions..."
I never signed that.
Well, that's funny, because your signature says you did.
That's a forgery. And you can't prove that.
I probably could.
Cheerios! Regionals is fast approaching,
and I need a shiny, sexually non-threatening gay
to hoist up some of the most gorgeous girls
in America over his head,
have a bird's-eye view of their baby oven,
and not be even remotely interested.
And that would be you.
Thank you, but I'm just too busy with Glee Club
and Student Council.
If you need me back, I guess I could do it.
Why are you even here?
You called me out of class.
You're dismissed.
Go find a new boyfriend.
Maybe Lance Bass is available.
Or RuPaul.
Suit up, soldier.
I'll help you put it on.
No, thank you, Becky. I'm-I'm not rejoining the Cheerios!
Oh, you most certainly are.
Or something very unfortunate will most likely
be happening to you extremely soon.
Are you threatening me?
Uh, yeah!
Get moving, beeyatch!
Last questions: Bear versus shark?
KATIE: Bear.
Onion rings versus French fries?
KATIE: French fries are the world's best food.
There's nothing you could put up
against French fries that could win.
I swear those are all
the exact same answers I would have given.
KATIE: Soul mates!
I can't believe we've only known each other for a week.
And I'm so glad you can look beyond my spelling mistakes.
(both chuckle)
It feels like so much more than that, though.
I mean, in a week, I feel like I've told you
more than I've told to anyone else in my entire life.
Uh, yeah. No. Me, too.
You even know about my Star Wars sheets.
(Katie laughs)
Anything interesting happening at school today?
You could say that...
Hello, poser.
Say what?
Say what a jerk-knuckle you are for messing with my girl
and putting that big old square head in her face.
Marley likes Jake.
And we in Glee Club like that two-for-one combo.
This is kind of none of your business.
Did you not notice that I'm sitting on different sides
of the choir room. He won't speak to her.
Dude, back off.
Who are you calling a dude? I am no dude.
So what are you then? I am a proud black woman.
No, you're a dude.
He was way out of line.
KATIE: Didn't you tell me it was Feud Week in Glee Club?
Well, get your aggression out through song.
Challenge him to a duel.
Has anyone ever told you you're kind of a genius?
KATIE (chuckles): Later, baby.
(bell ringing)
(Will claps hands once)
We need to do something muscular,
like Biggie versus Tupac. Now, we know how that ended.
Look, we don't need to do this stupid assignment, Mr. Shue.
Don't act like you're above these kids, Finn.
Not that long ago, you were one of them.
We can just talk.
(chuckles) Unless you have some stunning new revelation
about why you kissed my bride-to-be,
I've already heard everything you have to say.
Besides, I don't think you could take it.
I can take it.
Okay.
I put you in charge of the Glee Club, Finn...
not because you were a national champion
and not because you were qualified
with something like a teaching degree,
or even a single college credit,
for that matter.
I gave you the Glee Club because you were lost;
You just got dumped by your girlfriend;
You flunked out of the army;
And the real truth is I just took pity on you.
Wow.
Yeah. You wanted to talk.
Yeah, I did, but I didn't think...
So I put all this trust in you
so that you can get back on your feet,
and what do you do?
You betray me in the worst way possible.
You broke the code of a brother, Finn.
I know that. And I'm so sorry.
Sorry's not gonna cut it.
So start thinking of some of the nastiest music feuds
you can come up with
because we are doing this assignment.
And I'm gonna kick your ass.
Well, well, well, I see
that of Donkey Face's crap is still here.
And if Donkey Face's crap is here,
then that means that he must be as well.
Lay off of it, Santana, all right?
I told you, he said that he got a job
as a cater waiter on the side,
and he was embarrassed about it, so he kept it a secret.
Why? I mean, if he can make that much cash
slinging sweaty cold cuts
and room temp champagne, then we should all apply there.
Hey, look, he's just trying to make it in New York
the same way that you and I are.
I don't why that is so hard for you to understand.
You keep trying to bring him down.
Look, at this point it's less about him than it is about you.
I went to school with Rachel Berry.
Not the soggy mess of a woman that stands before me today,
going back and forth between your flop high school ex
and that terrifying "waiter with a pager."
You need to stop and focus, Berry.
I think you're wrong about him.
My psychic Mexican third eye is never wrong.
Am I wrong about you?
BRODY: ♪ Oh, so typical
♪ I'm the type who will get so critical ♪
♪ So let's make
♪ Things physical
♪ I won't treat you like you're oh, so typical ♪
(school bell rings)
(knocks on window) You!
I know you're behind this.
Sorry I yelled, Gay Blaine, here.
Oh, Cover Boy hair gel.
This is really expensive.
Thanks, Becky.
It's cement.
(thuds)
And someone took out 30 credit cards
and a house loan in my name.
My identity's been stolen. My parents' credit is ruined.
Only for seven years.
But that sign.
That sign!
(laughter)
Come on.
That's completely inexcusable.
And it's not true.
Not really... this officially a feud between you and me.
And there's only one way to solve it.
A sing-off featuring the music of two feuding superstars?
Oh, I read all about it
in WhoGivesACrap.biz.
Fine. Nicki Minaj versus Mariah Carey.
I will sing Nicki,
due to my Trinidad roots.
And if you win the challenge,
I'll tear up your Cheerios! Contract.
Fine, perfect.
But that will never, ever happen
because you are looking into the face of...
Evil.
I was going to say high school cheerleading
national champion, but thank you.
(school bell rings)
(sighs)
I don't think it's fair that you're pissed at me about this.
I didn't do anything.
You let him kiss you.
What was I supposed to do?
It's not like he took a running start.
You're supposed to not let him think
that it was even a possibility.
Fine, I'll own that.
I haven't minded the fact
that both of you are into me.
And I certainly didn't discourage him,
which wasn't fair to him
or to you.
But are you telling me that you've
completely stopped flirting with other girls?
I would never do anything.
So if some Cheerio you're uncontrollably flirting with
suddenly decides to kiss you, you're just gonna
backflip out of the way before her lips
touch yours?
(both laugh)
So what are we even talking about here?
Are you seriously worried that I'm gonna leave you for Ryder?
I don't know. I mean, he kicked butt
with all this Valentine's Day stuff
and he's like two inches taller than what I am.
(laughs): I'm not.
I won't.
I love you and that means something to me.
It's not just words.
Well, are you afraid that I'm gonna leave you for someone?
Not as much anymore.
Good.
Because it's me and you against the world.
Especially Ryder.
I mean, I thought he was a good dude, but...
he's not a friend.
You need to ice him out.
I can't do that.
I mean, you can stay mad at him
if you want, but I have to be more forgiving.
How can you do that to me?
It's gonna tick me off every time I see you
talking to him. Do you trust me?
Do you believe that I love you?
Yes, but...
Then it doesn't matter who I talk to.
Because no matter where I am or what I'm doing,
I'm with you.
(school bell rings)
(Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back" and Madonna's "Dress You Up" mashup begins)
♪ I was justified
♪ When I was five
♪ Raising Cain
♪ I spit in your eye
♪ Times are changing
♪ Now the poor get fat
♪ But the fever's gonna catch you ♪
♪ When the bitch gets back
♪ I'm gonna dress you up in my love ♪ ♪ In my love ♪
♪ All over, all over
♪ All over your body ♪
♪ Gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ All over your body, all over your body ♪
♪ Eat meat on a Friday, that's all right ♪
♪ I even like steak on a Saturday night ♪
♪ I can bitch the best at your social dues ♪
♪ I get high in the evening, sniffing pots of glue ♪
♪ I'm gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ In my love ♪
♪ All over, all over
♪ The bitch is back ♪
♪ Gonna dress you up
♪ In my love
♪ In my love, all over, all over ♪
♪ From your head down to your toes ♪
♪ I entertain by picking brains ♪
♪ My love ♪ I sell my soul
♪ By dropping names
♪ You don't like those, my God ♪
♪ In my love ♪ What's that
♪ Oh, it's full of nasty habits ♪
♪ When the bitch gets back
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ Oh, I'll dress you up ♪
♪ Dress you up in my love, in my love ♪
♪ All over, all over ♪
♪ In my love ♪
♪ Gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ All over your body ♪
♪ Oh, whoa, oh, oh
♪ Gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ Dress you up in my love
♪ Gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ In my love
♪ All over your body ♪
♪ In my love
♪ Gonna dress you up in my love ♪
♪ The bitch is back
WILL: Yeah!
Wow, guys, that was incredible.
What inspired that mashup?
I mean, the thing was feuds so we just...
So Unique demanded mediation.
Might I suggest doing an Elton John/Madonna mashup?
Madonna finally forgave Elton John for calling her
"a fairground stripper"
and saying that her career was over,
but their decade-long feud was epic.
Unique is, was, and ever shall be Madonna.
(laughs)
He can try to be Sir Elton, but...
you ain't got it.
Well, the awesome things about feuds is
that once all the anger has gotten out,
you can shake on it and let bygones be bygones.
Unique would happily shake Ryder's hand, but first...
say I'm a girl.
(quiet laugh)
Look, I'm just so confused, okay?
Yesterday you're dressed as a boy; today you're a girl.
What-what bathroom do you use?
I mean, make up your mind.
It doesn't matter what you see.
You don't get to decide for me.
You are a douchebag, dude.
I mean, in this room we can be whatever we want to be.
(school bell rings)
SUE: Becky, it's no secret
(sniffs) you are Nicki Minaj's biggest fan.
Minaj!
Inside voice, Becky.
I need your expert advice.
Now I've got wigs in every shade
of Jell-O,
and costumes from Lima's Circus Museum,
but if I am going to win this feud...
and I must win this feud...
I can't just be a mere mirage of Minaj, no.
I must become her.
Easy, Coach. Practice your Minaj face.
I think you said, "Practice your Minaj face."
Excellent.
Great, moving on. Most important...
I'm one step ahead of you, Becky.
It's time to perfect my Nicki- Minaj-where-the-hell-did-that...
come-from-cuckoo- for-Cocoa-Puffs...
crazy-pants threat.
(school bell rings)
I'm not putting up with Your Highness.
It's off with your head.
Don't you call me a gangster. What?
Every time you patronize me,
I will take it back.
Leave me alone.
I will knock you out.
Getting there, Coach.
BRODY: Five, six, seven, eight.
Two, four,
six...
Come on, guys, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please.
This is not gonna cut it with Cassie, okay?
Let's do it from the top.
Just don't get too close, girls.
Unless you're immune
to the herps.
Take five.
How did you get in here?
Don't apply logic to Lopez.
And if what I just saw is any indication,
I can get in here any time I want.
I've got moves your mannequin ass couldn't handle.
Do you know what your problem is, Santana?
You're loud and you're rude,
and you think that attitude equals talent.
Another thing I am: A hardcore friend.
Rachel and Kurt are my family,
and I can smell your sketchiness from here.
So let me tell you how it's gonna be.
You're gonna move out of our apartment tonight
or I can dig a little deeper and destroy you.
You're all talk and no proof.
Don't need proof.
I know exactly what you are.
Yo, fly girls, can I get some backup?
If you're any kind of dancer, this one should be
in your bones.
(Paula Abdul's "Coldhearted Snake" begins)
♪ He's a coldhearted snake
♪ Girl ♪
♪ Look into his eyes
♪ Uh-oh, girl, don't play the fool now ♪
♪ You're the one giving up the love ♪
♪ Any time he needs it
♪ But you turn your back
♪ And then he's off and running with the crowd ♪
♪ You're the one to sacrifice
♪ Anything to please him
♪ Do you really think he thinks about you when he's out ♪
♪ He's a coldhearted snake
Girl, look into his eyes ♪
Uh-oh ♪
♪ He's been telling lies
♪ He's a lover boy
♪ At play, girl
♪ He don't play by rules
♪ Oh-oh, uh-oh
♪ Girl, don't play the fool now ♪
♪ It was only late last night
♪ He was out there sneakin'
♪ Then he called to check that you were waitin' by the phone ♪
♪ All the world's a candy store ♪
♪ He's been trick or treatin'
♪ When it comes to true love, girl, with him ♪
♪ There's no one home
♪ He's a coldhearted snake
♪ Girl, look into his eyes
♪ Uh-oh, he's been telling lies ♪
♪ He's a lover boy at play
♪ Girl, he don't play by rules
♪ Oh-oh, uh-oh, girl, don't play the fool now ♪
♪ You can find somebody better, girl ♪
♪ He's c-cold as ice
♪ As cold as ice
♪ He's cold as ice
♪ He's cold as ice ♪
♪ Stay away from him, girl
♪ C-C-Coldhearted
♪ Ooh, ah, ah
♪ C-C-C-Coldhearted snake
♪ He's a coldhearted snake
♪ Look into his eyes
♪ Uh-oh
♪ He's been telling lies
♪ He's a lover boy at play
♪ He don't play by rules
♪ Oh, uh-oh
♪ Girl, don't play the fool, no ♪
♪ Coldhearted snake
♪ Look into his eyes
♪ Uh-oh
♪ Oh, oh, oh, he's a coldhearted snake. ♪
Pack your bags.
In the '90s,
the media pitted two
of America's hottest music groups
against one another
in an epic clash for pop culture supremacy.
And just so y'all know,
we'll be joining this performance
because we are basically Switzerland,
and we support all parties that are involved.
Thank you.
Whatever. Begin, please.
(NSYNC's "Bye, Bye, Bye" begins)
♪ Hey, hey
♪ Bye, bye, bye
♪ Bye, bye
(screaming)
♪ Oh, oh
♪ I'm doing this tonight
♪ You're probably gonna start a fight ♪
♪ So now it's time to leave
♪ And make it alone
♪ I know that I can't take no more ♪
♪ It ain't no lie
♪ I want to see you out that door ♪
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye
♪ You are
♪ My fire
♪ My one desire
♪ Believe
♪ When I say
♪ I want it that way
♪ Bye, bye, don't want to be a fool for you ♪
♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪
♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ Tell me why
♪ Ain't nothing but a heartache ♪
♪ Tell me why
♪ Ain't nothing but a mistake
♪ Tell me why
♪ I never want to hear you say
♪ I want it that way
♪ You are
♪ My fire
♪ You are
♪ You are, you are, you are ♪
♪ Don't want to hear you say
♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ Ain't nothing but a heartache ♪
♪ Make it tough
♪ Ain't nothing but a...
♪ Ain't no lie, bye, bye
♪ Don't want to be a fool for you ♪ ♪ You are my fire
♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ ♪ Tell me why
♪ You may hate me ♪ I want it that way
♪ But it ain't no lie
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye
♪ Don't really want to make it tough ♪
♪ I just want to tell you that I had enough ♪ ♪ One desire
♪ Tell me why ♪ It might sound crazy
♪ But it ain't no lie, baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ ♪ I want it that way
♪ Bye, bye. (screaming)
Well, the love on the stage is obvious.
You two bros need to just hug it out.
I'm in.
What do you say, Mr. Shue?
(exhales)
I-I want to, Finn.
I-I really do, I just...
I can't.
Fine. Cool.
There's nothing I can do or say to win back your trust.
I get it.
For whatever it's worth, thanks.
For everything.
(sighs)
Guess who just got a job
tending bar at the Coyote Ugly saloon
down on First Street?
Hopefully it bodes better for me
than any of the has-beens who starred in that movie.
Santana, if you'd just take a seat, please
and join us for a little family loft conversation.
Creepy,
but okay.
We just got off the phone
with Brody.
Did you confront him
at NYADA with a Paula Abdul song?
You can't just
march on in there
and like, act all crazy, okay?
We go to school there.
That was the best performance that place has seen in years.
We want you to move out.
You're joking.
We're not.
(sirens wailing in distance)
Olsen twins, let me tell you something.
I have known you both for years,
and I don't like either of you 90% of the time.
In fact, your wide-eyed, Keane painting approach of life
makes my teeth hurt and my breasts ache with rage,
but you know what, I have love for you.
You're my family,
and I haven't lied to you in months.
I'm smarter about other people than the both of you.
You have to trust me.
Santana, you're making Brody feel uncomfortable, okay?
And he was here first, so you either lay off of it
or you move out.
Fine.
That's fine.
You know what, I don't... I don't mind going.
I ran into Lena Dunham
at Barney's,
and she told me that I could crash with her
if I ever needed to, so that's cool
'cause she has two Golden Globes.
Oh, you know what, and another thing.
I have what Access Hollywood calls street smarts.
I'm right about plastic man.
I'm pretty sure she just stole my comforter.
Bitch took my pillow.
Enough about me and my sad, boring stories.
(chuckles)
I killed it, but we're still feuding.
I just can't in good conscience call him a woman.
I respect his choices...
But what's true is true: I could put on a bunny suit
and hop around school giving out chocolate eggs.
(chuckles)
Yeah, totally.
KATIE: Can you prove it?
I mean, if someone were to say that we aren't friends
because we haven't even met in person...
Pissed off.
KATIE: Well, this Wade/Unique guy believes he's a girl.
He doesn't need any proof.
It's his truth.
How are you so smart and so hot at the same time?
(laughs)
KATIE: Send me another shirtless pic when you get the chance.
Wow.
(Mariah Carey's "I Still Believe" begins) ♪ Oh
♪ Yeah
♪ Mmm
♪ You look in my eyes
♪ And I get emotional
♪ Inside
♪ I know it's crazy
♪ But you still can touch
♪ My heart
♪ And after all this time
♪ You'd think that I
♪ Wouldn't feel the same
♪ But time melts into nothing
♪ And nothing's changed
♪ I still believe
♪ That someday you and me
♪ Will find ourselves
♪ In love again
♪ Oh, baby, yeah ♪ I still believe ♪
♪ Baby, I do ♪ Someday you and me ♪
♪ Just give me one more try
♪ In love again.
(Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" begins)
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ Oh
♪ This one is for the boys with the booming system ♪
♪ Top down, AC with the cooling system ♪
♪ When he come up in the club, he be blazing up ♪
♪ He got stacks on deck like he saving up ♪
♪ And he ill, he real, he might got a deal ♪
♪ He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill ♪
♪ He cold, he dope, he might be broke ♪
♪ He always in the air, but he never fly coach ♪
♪ He a total freaking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship ♪
♪ When he make it drip, drip, kiss him on the lip, lip ♪
♪ That's the kind of dude I was looking for ♪
♪ And yes, you'll get slapped if you looking, ho ♪
♪ I said, "Excuse me, you're a hell of a guy ♪"
♪ "I mean, my-my-my-my, you're like pelican fly ♪
♪ "I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie ♪
♪ You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye" ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I did, yes, I did
♪ Somebody please tell him who the hell I is ♪
♪ I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up ♪
♪ Back coupes up, chuck the deuce up ♪
♪ Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away ♪
♪ Beatin' like a drum and it's coming your way ♪
♪ Can't you hear the boom
♪ Badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom bass ♪
♪ That's the super bass, boom, badoom, boom ♪
♪ Boom, badoom, boom bass, that's the super bass ♪
♪ This heartbeat runnin' away
♪ Don't you hear that heartbeat comin' your way? ♪
♪ Oh, it feel like boom, badoom, boom ♪
♪ Boom, badoom, boom bass ♪ I still believe
♪ Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom ♪
♪ Boom, badoom, boom bass?
♪ Don't you know that I still believe ♪
♪ That someday you and me
♪ Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom ♪
♪ Boom, badoom, boom bass?
♪ Will love again
♪ Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom bass ♪
♪ That's the super bass
♪ I had a dream
♪ That one day you and me
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom, badoom, boom ♪
♪ Boom, badoom, boom bass
♪ Will love again
♪ Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom bass ♪
♪ Yeah, that's that super bass. ♪
(applause)
And that, ladies, gays, and in-betweeners,
and hag for life,
is how it's done.
Impressive, Sue, both of you.
But Coach Sylvester used like,
feathers and a black light,
and she brought in the Cheerios. Yeah, that's not fair.
Yes, but nobody ever said life is fair, Tina.
So, William,
though it's shockingly clear who the winner is,
would you do the honors,
and unlike that interminably long voting montage
at the end of Lincoln,
let's make this fast.
Show of hands for Blaine as Mariah.
Thank you, Tina.
Come on.
Noted.
All in favor of Sue as Nicki?
(chuckles)
Well, I hope you're ready for some form-fitting polyester,
gay Clark Kent
from season one of Smallville,
because it looks like you're going to be the bottom
of my Cheerios pyramid after all.
(school bell ringing)
So you really are leaving?
(sighs)
Yeah.
I just wanted to thank you for everything
you did for me.
Thank you.
So...
what's next for you?
I don't know.
Probably a lot of long hours
of figuring out what's next for me.
MARLEY: Um...
Can I speak freely?
Yeah, sure, I'm not your commanding officer or anything.
Say whatever you want.
Dude, you really need to grow a pair.
Maybe you should go back to not speaking so freely.
I know that
you're feeling bad about yourself right now.
And I also know how just one kiss
can get you into a whole lot of trouble.
Believe me.
But if Mr. Shue doesn't want you around anymore, forget him.
Don't let him define you.
Problem is, he does define me.
The four years I spent in this Glee Club
defines me.
This whole freakin' school defines me,
and without it, I am...
I just feel... lost.
So...
After we lost Sectionals, I was
terrified
that everything was just going to fall apart,
but you fought
to keep us together.
You're a natural leader, Finn.
A teacher.
You don't need Mr. Shue's approval to be that.
Yeah,
but I do need a little thing
called a teaching degree.
So...
...go get one.
(school bell ringing)
(sighs)
You gonna challenge all three of us to a feud now?
Look, I asked you guys here for a truce.
Okay, sometimes
I don't know how to fit in here.
But kissing you, Marley...
that was so out of line, and I'm sorry.
It's okay.
It's not, but... I'll never do it again.
Look, friendship is about trust.
Okay? It's like when we're playing football.
Look, I fumbled the ball this time,
but you know I have good hands.
I just made a mistake.
You know
if you give me the ball again,
I won't let you down.
Yeah, but it might take a little while.
I take that.
Thank you.
(sighs)
Unique...
Look, I'm not gonna pretend like I understand everything
that's going on with you.
(sighs)
But you have a truth,
and as your friend,
I need to support that truth, so...
you're a girl, dude.
Holy crap, did I mess that up?
No, it's just...
That day, after we sang...
I decided to walk home in all my Leslie Uggams glory,
and a group of popular girls came after me.
GIRL 1: ...serious? Look at this.
Are you a boy or a girl?
Hey! Freak!
Lady Freak!
I got home before they caught up to me,
but I was so scared.
I'm walking you home from now on.
Yeah. Me, too.
Me, three. KITTY: Me, four.
And P.S., do those bitches go to this school?
'Cause if so, I want their names
so I can put Nair in their shampoo bottles.
Wait a minute. We're friends? Look,
I don't know if it's 'cause I've been dating Puckerman,
which makes it really hard to judge anyone...
and I will deny it outside in the real world...
but, yes.
We're friends.
And we're in this together.
I'm a winner,
and I want to win Regionals.
So we need to cut the crap
and the fighting
and tighten up so we can win this.
Friendships are tested like this all the time.
And the ones that are real
are the ones that pass the test.
Artie and Tina and Sam and probably Brittany
are all going to be gone next year,
and it's going to be up to us
to keep up the Glee Club torch.
Not just winning competitions, but...
the legacy of being the only place at this school...
at any school...
where the most special thing you can be is yourself.
Think we're up for it?
Are you kidding?
This place ain't seen nothing yet.
Yeah! Oh, yeah...
(laughing)
(school bell ringing)
SUE: You look absolutely
adorable.
And just to show there's
no animosity between us,
I've decided to make you and Becky
my Cheerios! Co-captains.
Yes!
I love you.
Thank you. (Sue whistles)
Let this be a life lesson to you...
one that you'll remember 20 years from now,
when you're playing "Uncle Nubbins"
on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody reboot...
that the real world is nothing like the Glee Club,
where you can join and rejoin,
quit and requit
whenever you're not crying
or throwing confetti at each other.
Because in the real world, there are commitments...
and you're only as good as your word.
Blaine Devon Anderson,
do I have your word that you are
fully committed to my team?
What? She can't hear you!
Yes, Coach Sylvester.
All right.
Gymnasium, 3:05.
Oh, a little trick of the trade...
from now on, wear a thong
to avoid visible panty lines.
(sighs)
How'd it go?
Exactly as planned.
I'm gonna work from the inside
and bring her down.
By the time we graduate,
Sue Sylvester's reign of terror
will finally be over.
Excellent!
Good evening, Vicky.
Santana. How did you...
I told you. This is what I do.
You can't tell Rachel.
Please, I'm not proud of this.
Save it.
I think there's someone more important
that you should convince tonight.
Okay.
Well, I am going to leave you two alone
for a little girl talk.
Have fun.
Listen, I can explain this. Shut your mouth.
After tonight...
you're a ghost.
You disappear from her life forever.
No good-byes, nothing.
I love her.
But she doesn't really even know who you are.
Yet.
You can't tell her.
(grunts)
Ah!
(grunts)
Ah! (grunts)
Stay away from my future wife!
♪ All I want to get is...
(slams)
♪ A little bit closer
♪ All I want to know is
♪ Can you come a little closer? ♪
♪ Here comes the breath
♪ Before we get
♪ A little bit closer
♪ Here comes the rush
♪ Before we touch
♪ Come a little closer
♪ The lights are off
♪ And the sun is finally setting ♪
♪ The night sky is changing overhead ♪
♪ It's not just all physical
♪ I'm the type who will get oh, so critical ♪
♪ So let's make things physical ♪
♪ I won't treat you like
♪ You're oh, so typical
♪ I want you close
♪ I want you
♪ I won't treat you like you're typical ♪
♪ I want you close
♪ I want you
♪ I won't treat you like you're typical ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh
♪ Here come the dreams of you and me ♪
♪ Here come the dreams
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Here come the dreams of you and me ♪
♪ Here come the dreams...
♪ It's not just all physical
♪ I'm the type who will get oh, so critical ♪
♪ So let's make things physical ♪
♪ I won't treat you like you're oh, so typical ♪
♪ I want you close
♪ I want you
♪ I won't treat you like you're typical ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh...
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪ ♪ I won't
♪ Treat you like you're typical ♪
♪ All I want to get is
♪ Doo doo doo-doo
♪ A little bit closer
♪ Doo doo doo
♪ All I want to know is
♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪ ♪ Can you come a little closer? ♪
♪ Doo doo doo.
KATIE: So you apologized to all of them?
That's great.
I'm so glad you all have each others' backs.
I couldn't have done it without you.
It's weird, but I haven't felt this close
to someone in a while.
KATIE: What about Marley? Are you still crushing on her?
I'm starting to feel like maybe I've kind of moved on.
(typing)
(computer chirps)
(tapping key)
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