1 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,120 PLANES ROAR 2 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:17,560 Sir. 3 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,000 Sergeant Robert Hogg from the search team, boss. 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,240 Bob Hogg. 5 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,800 Nick Medhurst. So, you've already met Millsy. 6 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,280 This is Bird. There's Simon, Rocket and Mac. 7 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,840 No offence, Sergeant, but where's Corporal Spooner? 8 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,120 R&R. As are all the Desert Spoons. 9 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,560 Desert Spoons! BOTH CHUCKLE 10 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,400 Because "desert spoons" sounds like "dessert spoons". 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,880 Yeah. Classic. 12 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,720 HOGG SIGHS 13 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,840 So, we're the Road Hoggs, cos I'm called Hogg and we clear the road. Heh. 14 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,960 At least, I hope we do. Heh. 15 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960 On the road we've got Bogbrush and the Tosser, 16 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:54,200 and at the front, we have Fortunate Darren, and our point man, Sandbag. 17 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,760 Why's he called Fortunate Darren? Cos he's not the point man! 18 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,520 POLITE CHUCKLING 19 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,280 Right. All done. Good work, Road Hoggs! 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,800 Over to you. 21 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,920 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO 22 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,280 Why don't we have a team name? 23 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,200 Hm? I think the main reason is because... 24 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,520 we're not ten years old. 25 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,880 SOLDIER IN DISTANCE: Oh, yeah! The Bomb Guys. 26 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,040 Oh-oh! Oh! Bird's Bomb Guys. 27 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,120 No? 28 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,680 Aah! Bird's Bell-ends? 29 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,920 Do you want the suit, boss? I would if I were you. 30 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,440 Nah. It's too hot. 31 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,920 Sh... Shit. 32 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,120 Er...guys? Guys! Guys! 33 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,520 Hogg! Hogg! Oi, Hogg! You're the leader of the search team. 34 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,320 Come here. Help me look for my Fisherman's Friend. It's my last one. Sandbag! 35 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,880 Set Vallon to detect menthol! 36 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,840 Your lucky sweets, are they? 37 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,440 You ATOs always have some superstitious ritual. 38 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,720 I'm not superstitious. They just help me focus. 39 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,240 Oh, boss! Boss! I've got it. Thank you, Millsy. 40 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,760 Tell you what. The ATO in Bluestone 31 41 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,840 always has to touch his number two's arse before he does the long walk. 42 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,200 What? 43 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,920 Nah. Think I'll stick to the sweets. 44 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,760 HELICOPTER WHIRRS 45 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,280 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO 46 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,720 God, my balls are hot. 47 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,760 I've got serious hot balls. 48 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,800 There's so much sweat, you could catch it in a bucket. 49 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,960 It's the blast pants. Aye. 50 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,960 I mean, whit's the point in protecting your balls against IEDs 51 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,920 if they're just gonnae melt anyways? Mac. 52 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,360 If you don't shut up about your balls... 53 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,280 ..I'm going to come over there and pull them off myself. 54 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,760 Pull off my balls? Gay. 55 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,800 Eyes on! 56 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,880 FIZZING 57 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,680 Oh, shit. 58 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,920 Oh, really shit. Millsy! 59 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,440 Angry bomb! 60 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,840 Everyone, eyes down! Take cover! 61 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,080 Boss! 62 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,280 Millsy, prepare to fire the disruptor! OK, everybody! 63 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,080 Stand by! Fire it! 64 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,040 Firing! Boss. 65 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,280 NICK PANTS 66 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,240 Caught fire. 67 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,040 You OK, boss? Yeah. 68 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,080 Oh, God. Ooh! 69 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,280 Whew. Battery pack. Whoof! 70 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,240 That was a close call. 71 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,040 Oh! I thought this might happen. 72 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,680 Sorry? 73 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,200 LOW CHATTER Boss? 74 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,640 Just going to keep that as a lovely surprise? 75 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,280 No, I...I didn't mean that... 76 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,560 Well, I've noticed a couple of trends in the devices in the last month. 77 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,000 Oh, and what is the fashionable terrorist planting this season, 78 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,920 according to Millsy? Look, I know you've been keeping your own records, 79 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,480 but I've been keeping some too, and I've spotted a pattern. 80 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,040 Oh, and were you planning to share this with me at any point? 81 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,240 Yeah, sure, I can show you everything when we get back. 82 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,800 Good. No, wait. Is this going to involve graphs? 83 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,360 Well, I mean, there are a few ways to project the... 84 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,640 I...I could focus solely on the... I...I could minimise the... 85 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,400 OK, no graphs. Good. 86 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,240 What about Bird's Brave Bastards? 87 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,320 Fuck off. - Shit! 88 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,800 Bird, we already have a name. 89 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,440 Bluestone 42, our call sign. Yeah. 90 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,920 But, Bluestone, what even is that? 91 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,640 Actually, the pillars of Stonehenge are made from bluestone, 92 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,440 although "bluestone" means just any foreign stone... Oh, yeah. 93 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,240 Thank you, Wankipedia. 94 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,280 LAUGHTER How about something like... 95 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,960 Team Intrepid? 96 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,720 Fuck's sake. Intrepid? Yeah, Simon, let's have a name 97 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,480 that makes us sound like we're off Junior Apprentice. 98 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,440 Bird's Bitches! 99 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,200 No! 100 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,200 PLANES ROAR 101 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:32,640 Here, who's up for a game of Extreme Hockey Ultimate Extreme? 102 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,680 Gleaming! I'll get the crowbars! Please, no. 103 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,400 Dry Water-Skiing? Cook-House Splatterbang? 104 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,600 No! Aw, Skip. 105 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,840 You're as much fun as a turd on a plate. Mm. 106 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,880 Eh, how about a game of Freckles? Ooh! 107 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,320 There is a time and a place for games, and it is not now. 108 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,280 Gay. 109 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,080 You never play our games, Skip. Millsy wants to show us something. 110 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,280 If he's invented a ball-cooling device, I'm in. 111 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,920 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO So, I've been keeping a log. 112 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,920 Put it in a bag and burn it, like everybody else. 113 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,520 Simmer down. Millsy? 114 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,840 So, I've been keeping a record of all the devices we've encountered 115 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,800 and I've broken them down into two types. 116 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,480 I said no graphs. It's a scatter diagram, boss. 117 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,520 So, the blue crosses are bog-standard devices that are easy to render safe. 118 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,200 Easy? Interesting. Do go on. 119 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,320 And, um... 120 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,640 Well, the red crosses are what I like to call... 121 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,120 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT ..a TDM. 122 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,320 Tedium? That's a good name. 123 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,240 It stands for "training didn't matter". I beg your fucking pardon? 124 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,920 Well, I mean the fact that the device didn't fully detonate 125 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:37,320 was down to, er...chance, rather than our intervention or our training. 126 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800 Boss. Like the one this morning. 127 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,800 The one this morning was bog standard, Millsy. 128 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,120 The only reason it caught fire 129 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,000 was because the Taliban paid the village idiot to put it in the ground. 130 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,880 But, look, TDMs come in batches and we're due another batch very soon. 131 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:54,000 No. No, we're not, Millsy. This is all speculation. You know what? It's bollocks. 132 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,680 What do we do if we find something unusual? 133 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,000 We follow training and procedure. 134 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,520 So, if we do find one of your tedious devices, what do we do, Millsy? 135 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,400 We follow training and procedure, boss. Brilliant. Thanks for that, Millsy. 136 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,120 Insightful as ever. Good meeting, everyone. 137 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,840 Bloody hell, what happened? 138 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,640 Can't find my sodding Fisherman's Friends. I had a spare bag somewhere. 139 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:22,800 Shit. 140 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360 As you say... 141 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,560 shit. 142 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,000 Nick, have I done something wrong with Rocket and Mac? 143 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,600 I don't know, Simon, have you? Have you been touching them while they sleep? 144 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,840 Why don't they respect me? 145 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,160 Ah, it's hard to know what to choose. Let's pick one. 146 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,040 Mm, maybe because, I don't know, you don't join in their games? 147 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,920 Their games are stupid, dangerous and often quite unhygienic. 148 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,520 Which is why they're fun. So, if I join in, they'll respect me? 149 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,840 Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Simon. But it is a start. 150 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,480 Hi, Nick. Simon. 151 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,600 Rocket and Mac wanted to know if anyone had five litres of bleach. 152 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,440 Some game called, um...Camo Whiteout. 153 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,440 Right, I'd better, um... 154 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,920 So, what are you doing? 155 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,720 This place looks like a bomb's hit... 156 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,840 Er...I mean... Er...sorry. 157 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,120 So, um, how are the team? 158 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,040 Anything I can do for you? Well... 159 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,160 Apart from that. Oh. You know, I'm always happy to come out on ops. 160 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,800 Some of your guys might appreciate a bit of, um...spiritual top cover. 161 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,800 Well, you could do that from here, couldn't you? 162 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,560 Or does your praying have a maximum range? 163 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,600 Very funny. So, what are you looking for? 164 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,520 I can't find my bloody Fisherman's Friends. 165 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,920 I've got Mint Imperials. HE GASPS 166 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,880 I had no idea. Get off. What are you doing? 167 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,520 You have the face and body of a much younger woman, and yet, actually, you're 96. What? 168 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,200 Mint Imperials are granny sweets. 169 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,400 Why, Grandma, what young, fresh skin you have! 170 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,040 Good chat, Nick. 171 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,480 OK. 172 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,000 THEY LAUGH 173 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,680 Ah, fuck! Ha-ha-ha! Yes! 174 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,640 THEY LAUGH Guys! Guys! 175 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,640 Shite, Skip, we're only playing 176 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,320 a wee game. Well, 177 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,320 as long as there's no bleach involved, I'm in. 178 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,640 Really? 179 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:11,920 Yeah. Gleaming. 180 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:19,240 On your marks, get set... Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! What are the rules? 181 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:23,280 Total Fencing Deluxe? Well, if I remember rightly, Mac, it's ten points for the head, 182 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:28,160 five points for the body, both hands on the pole, first to 30, no kicking, no biting, and no peeking. 183 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,840 Oh. Right, sir. 184 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,280 Well, how do you play it? 185 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,280 Carry on! Oh! 186 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,480 Play! WHOOPING AND LAUGHTER 187 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,200 Yeah! 188 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,920 Ten points to Skip! Come on! Come on! 189 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,520 Play! 190 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,120 Ten points to Skip. Come on! 191 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,120 And play! 192 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,320 Five points to Mac! Yaah! 193 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,360 Fuck! 194 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,800 The winner is Skip! Yes! 195 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,520 Yes! 196 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,680 HE SHOUTS 197 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,360 Who's the daddy? Huh? 198 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,520 First game and I totally kick your arse! 199 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,360 Aye, all right, Skip. Easy. Right, we're off. 200 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,080 I just kicked Mac's arse at Total Fencing Deluxe. 201 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,520 Which he invented. 202 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,680 Nice one. 203 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,440 Get this... Let's get this packed up. 204 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,760 Oh! You fuck! THEY LAUGH 205 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,880 OK, and you're absolutely sure they're not in your quarters? 206 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,680 Yeah, I looked, I looked. OK. Well, could they be in the det? 207 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,120 I've checked everywhere, Millsy. You ready? No. Wait. 208 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,120 Where's my last bag of Fisherman's Friends? Have you hidden them again? No. 209 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,240 No, no. Wasn't that the bag you lost at poker? 210 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,480 Oh, shit sticks. I just assumed you replaced them. 211 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,720 Boss, we really should be... Yes, I know, Millsy! 212 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,880 OK, OK, er, run and tell Mary that she can come with us. 213 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,440 Go on, chop-chop. 214 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,560 Bit of spiritual top cover, eh? 215 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,680 What? No. 216 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,360 Look, she asked to come, so I'm letting her, OK? 217 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,160 You're not worried about all that crap Millsy was spouting earlier, are you? 218 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,240 PLANE ROARS Boss? 219 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,200 No. No, I'm fine. Right as rain. 220 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,920 The really right kind of rain. The...right rain. Right? All right? 221 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,520 All right? All right, boss? 222 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,080 Right, come on, Bird's Boneheads. Mm! 223 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,520 It's got a ring tae it. 224 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,120 Aye. So does my arse. SNORTS 225 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,040 All done, just one device. 226 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,760 Although there is a big pile of goat shit down there on the left. 227 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,800 We should check again. No, it's definitely goat shit. 228 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,600 Confirmed that with the Mark 1 eyeball. Ha-ha! 229 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,000 You heard him, Hogg. Check again. Millsy, get the robot ready. 230 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,880 When these guys are finished, we'll double-check with that. Boss. 231 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,360 Aye-aye! Feeling jumpy? 232 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,440 Let me guess, run out of Fisherman's Friends? 233 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,360 Why are you still here, talking? 234 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,400 Well, we have double-checked for... 235 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,240 You search until the ATO's satisfied. Do I look satisfied to you? 236 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,360 No, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Let me make this easier for you. OK? I'm the ATO. 237 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,440 See? ATO. 238 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,120 This face? Not satisfied! 239 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:11,160 Sir. Fortunate Darren! Sandbag! Here we go round the mulberry bush. 240 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,040 And will you leave it out with the fucking jokes when there's IEDs around? 241 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,400 Someone might get killed. You know, you, in fact, might get killed by me! 242 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,520 Fuck's sake! 243 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,960 You know, I am sick of your stupid grinning face 244 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,920 every time I get ready to go down there! 245 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:27,080 Just do your fucking job, you absolute waste of uniform and training! 246 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,200 HELICOPTER WHIRRS Sir. 247 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,480 Battery's low, boss. I want to be certain what we're dealing with. 248 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,800 And we lose the A&A cordon in an hour, so... 249 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,760 I should just check the... 250 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,760 thing. 251 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,320 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO 252 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,880 Are you praying? Is that all right? 253 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,040 As long as you get Baby Jesus to make my mum send me some chocolates. 254 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,760 I'm not sure it works like that. 255 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,080 I'm not sure it works at all. 256 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,000 ROBOT WHIRRS AND STOPS 257 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,880 Shit. Battery's gone. 258 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,000 Fuck it. Right. 259 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,720 I'd better get down there. 260 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,880 Got those Mint Imperials? Yeah, sure. 261 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,680 Although they're not as strong as Fisherman's Friends. 262 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,400 Unless you eat 20 of them. 263 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,440 Ooh! MUFFLED SPEECH: Soot, Millsy! 264 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,840 Shoot? Er, shoot...shoot what, boss? 265 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,840 MUFFLED SPEECH: Soot, Millsy! Soot. Oh. 266 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,280 Suit. Suit. 267 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,680 BIRDSONG 268 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:00,840 HELICOPTER WHIRRS 269 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,040 When I'm tense, I just imagine giving my mum a wee cuddle. 270 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,800 Aye. When I'm tense, I imagine giving your mum a wee cuddle. 271 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,840 Away tae fuck! 272 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,520 ON RADIO: Guess what, Millsy? Straightforward VOIED. 273 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,400 No secondaries. 274 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,080 Bog standard. 275 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,600 So boggy, you could stride across it, admiring the heather, 276 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,680 whilst a team of jolly Irish labourers cut peat from a... 277 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,840 Yeah, I'm getting bored of this metaphor. 278 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,000 Would you like me to fire the disruptor, boss? 279 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,240 No, Millsy, cos I did it with my snips. 280 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,280 And without...my Fisherman's Friends. 281 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,960 I snipped the shit out of it. 282 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,720 That device will no longer be fathering other smaller devices, 283 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,040 because of my really expert snipping. 284 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,960 So much for your doom-laden horse shit. 285 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,920 I didn't say it would definitely be today, OK? 286 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,600 So, I might die tomorrow? Thank you very much, Millsy. 287 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,400 No, look, that's not what I meant, boss. I... 288 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,200 Boss? 289 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,560 Um... 290 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,560 how many Mint Imperials did you have? 291 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,520 I just need to know so I can pack them for next time. 292 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,200 HELICOPTER WHIRRS 293 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,280 LOW CHATTER OVER RADIO 294 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,880 VEHICLES RUMBLE 295 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,280 If we had a lucky mascot, we could be named after that! 296 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:22,240 We've got one! Andy McNab! No! No, no, no! 297 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,480 Andy McNab is the name of Mac's cock! 298 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,600 Why? Because it's been out of action for years? 299 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,240 LAUGHTER 300 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,640 Fucking hell, Padre! Serious! Not cool! That's way out of order! 301 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,280 Maybe we could be called... No! 302 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,360 That's it! No more nicknames! We're called Bluestone 42! 303 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:43,720 Or how about, "a bunch of noisy cunts who won't fucking shut up"? 304 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720 VEHICLE RUMBLES AND SQUEAKS No? 305 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,760 Good. 306 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,280 We've really got to get hold of some Fishermen's Friends. 307 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,160 He's done one device without. He'll be fine. 308 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,280 No, no, no, no. He's in a period of high stress, when he really shouldn't be. 309 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,440 What, you keep graphs on his mood swings as well? 310 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,320 You are kidding me? Right now he's up here, 311 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,200 very stressed, when he should be here, relaxed. 312 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,800 You're insane. 313 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,040 Or very sane. No. 314 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,920 Now, I think we can track down the bag he lost at poker. 315 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,400 Oh, give me strength. 316 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,760 Nick lost the whole bag to Captain Softly. Captain Softly then lost... I tell you what. 317 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,040 You cream yourself over your graph. I'll just get on the phone and ask for some. 318 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,320 It's a flow chart, actually. 319 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,920 Knock, knock? Hi. 320 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,600 Yeah, a...a special "tidying up" bomb hit it. 321 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,120 Right. Um... CO's just flown back in. 322 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,840 He wants a chat. 323 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,240 OK. 324 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,000 Nick. 325 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000 Is everything all right? Yeah, I think so. Why? 326 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,680 Cos since you ran out of your special sweets, you've been acting like a massive bell-end. 327 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,040 Might want to work on your bedside manner there, Padre. 328 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,920 Right, it's totally understandable that you're a little bit superstitious. 329 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,000 I'm not superstitious, OK? 330 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,440 We had intelligence suggesting that the next bomb could... Put that down. 331 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,760 This is knackered. You should bin it. No, no. 332 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,800 No, no, no, no, no. 333 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,440 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 334 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,960 This is the tin that I had when I did my first bomb. 335 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,960 Basra, 2008. 336 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,040 And every bomb since. Not that a little metal tin could affect anything. 337 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,840 Yeah, well, it's not like you're not superstitious, is it? 338 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,600 I mean, Jesus is basically just your Fisherman's Friend. 339 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,240 Huh! He was the friend of fishermen. Oh, shit, I really walked into that one, didn't I? 340 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,840 Yeah, at least four of the disciples were fishermen. 341 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,480 Yes, OK, I get it. Run along now. Good luck with the CO. 342 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,200 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 343 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,440 Whoo! 344 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,320 Guys! Guys! 345 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,720 Guys! What are you doing? 346 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,360 Just a wee game. Aye. Fucking Bronco. 347 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:10,240 One of the grease monkeys said we could borrow it for ten minutes. 348 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,680 No! I mean, I can't believe you're playing without me. Room for a small one? 349 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,440 It's best played wi' two. Aye. 350 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,080 I could referee. HE WHISTLES 351 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,360 No ref in Fucking Bronco. Obviously. 352 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,400 Different game, then? 353 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,320 I think that ten minutes is up, Rocket. 354 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,520 We should return the vehicle as agreed. Aye. 355 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,600 There's a time and a place for games, but that time is now over. 356 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,680 And that place is now over. 357 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,400 VEHICLE REVS 358 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,760 Why won't they let me join in? I don't know, Simon. 359 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,720 Is it because you repeatedly hit one of your men round the head 360 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,240 with a big metal stick yesterday, or for some other reason? 361 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,520 Look, if you beat them at their own game, you're gonna look like an arsehole. 362 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,000 So, I have to lose? Sure, if you want to look like a pussy. 363 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,240 Look, just play for a bit, then say you've got something important to do, and leave. 364 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,640 Join in, step out. J-I-S-O. Jiso. 365 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,760 Join in, step out. Actually, Jiso would be quite a good nickname for you, Simon. 366 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,640 I'll stick with Simon. Sure thing, Jiso. 367 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,600 LOW CHATTER 368 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,120 KNOCKS ON DOOR 369 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,640 Come. Ah, Captain Medhurst. 370 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,520 Sir, if this is about yesterday, I know I overstepped... 371 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,680 Ah, yes. The "Hogg roast". 372 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,160 I presume you're going to apologise, fulsomely? 373 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,960 First opportunity, sir. Good-oh. 374 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,360 Worth remembering that his team's job is probably even more dangerous than yours. 375 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,640 Have I ever introduced you to Little Philip? 376 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,480 My niece gave it to me when I passed out of Sandhurst. 377 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,520 I suppose she thought I was in the Guards. Precocious child, but well-meaning. 378 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,680 Now works for...Honda. 379 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:03,320 The point is, this little chap has seen me through a couple of scrapes in Bosnia, 380 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,920 Sierra Leone... 381 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,840 and a moment of questionable legality in Cyprus. 382 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,040 Mm. Never told my unit about him, of course. 383 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,760 Didn't want to shit them up in case I lost him. 384 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,760 Just thought you'd be interested. 385 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,600 Carry on. Sir. 386 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,640 Ah, Faruq. Just the man. Look. 387 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:34,200 Can you get hold of some Fisherman's Friends? You want Fisherman's Friends! Shh-shh-shh. 388 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,280 I get you Fisherman's Friends, very good price. 389 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,440 OK, if you can get them before the next call-out, I'll give you 20 dollars. 390 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,800 For 20 dollars, you get lots of Fisherman's Friends. Bye-bye! 391 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,800 HELICOPTER WHIRRS 392 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,480 Of course they don't have an order number. They're sweets. 393 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,400 Oh, forget it. 394 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,560 So, er...going to give up on those sweets. 395 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,920 Don't need 'em no more. 396 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,360 Got your, er, lucky pants on? 397 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,360 All my pants are lucky. Except with Mary. 398 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,960 Yeah, cheers for pointing that out, Bird. You're a brick. 399 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,320 Oh! Bird's Bricks? No, it's shit. Not again. 400 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,880 Bird, what is it with this team name obsession? 401 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,840 Look, I was never in the cool gang at school. 402 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,840 My dad was the physics teacher, for a start. 403 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,760 But if we had a name... Bird. 404 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,720 We are the cool gang. We're a counter-IED team. 405 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,520 When you get back to England, you're going to be so cool, you're gonna be bored of it. 406 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,760 That's going to make you even cooler. 407 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,320 Cheers, Nick. 408 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,240 Ah. Look, guys, about yesterday. I really want to apologise. 409 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,520 Bender. HE SNORTS 410 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,960 Bender? That's good. Er...I got carried away. So, rematch? 411 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,400 Something different? Aye, we'll think of something. 412 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,520 Jiso. HE SNORTS 413 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,800 Ah, morning, all. 414 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,040 How are things with Team Diversity? 415 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,760 Er...Team what, now, sir? 416 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,600 Team Diversity. No? 417 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,800 Public school boy. Essex boy. A black guy. A woman. A Scot. A closet homosexual. 418 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,840 HE LAUGHS 419 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,080 Oh, Mac, ya buftie! 420 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,360 My God, you're right. 421 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,320 I've been living a lie! 422 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,800 Come on, baby! I'll give you a rocket! 423 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,280 Piss off! 424 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720 HE PUFFS In denial. 425 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,680 Very sad. 426 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,520 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO Sorry, sir. 427 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,040 Sir, with respect, um... PHONE RINGS 428 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,080 Team Diversity? I'm... I'm not just a token bird. 429 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,680 Course not. Just remarking on the changing face of the modern Army. 430 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,120 Carry on. 431 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,000 Guys, we're up. Transport's on its way. 432 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,760 OK, er... OK. Just, er, give me...give me two minutes. 433 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,920 Team Diversity? This is like Year Eight all over again. 434 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,600 Captain Nick! I have Fisherman's Friends! 435 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,640 Oh, thank fuck for that! How did you get them so...? 436 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,560 Oh. The friends of fisherman, yes? 437 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,520 To help catch the fish. 438 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,280 We agreed 30 dollars. No, Faruq. 439 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,160 Fisherman's Friends are a brand of sweet. 440 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,520 These are sweet, juicy. Er...special price, 20 dollars. 441 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,600 No. Look, Faruq, just take these back, OK? 442 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,400 Fisherman's Friends are...are small, brown, menthol sweets. Strong. 443 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,680 Menthol, brown, strong. 444 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,240 OK. I make some calls. Yeah, well, you've got about a minute before we have to go, so... 445 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,880 What's going on? 446 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,720 Well, we've got a shout on. You're going to come with us. 447 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,120 ENGINE STARTS UP 448 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,520 I'm just concerned I'll have to come out every time now. 449 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,960 But who's going to be sat at the base reading the Bible? 450 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,000 BAG RUSTLES 451 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,640 LOW CHATTER 452 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,840 OK. 453 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,920 Road Hoggs about to hand over to Team Diversity. 454 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,480 Yeah, we're not called that, knob-face. Sandbag! We done? 455 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,120 That's two of your Earth minutes. Heh. 456 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,640 Boss, I tracked down your Fisherman's Friends. 457 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,720 Now, apparently, Lieutenant Freeman has them, but he's in Bastion now, so... 458 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,400 Millsy, thanks for going to all that trouble, but it's OK. 459 00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,640 I've gone cold turkey. 460 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,720 Oh. OK. Yeah. I don't need any stupid... Captain Nick! 461 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,040 The Fisherman's Friends you asked for! I mean... 462 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,440 I don't necessarily want... Oh, for fuck's sake, boss. Please, Nick, just have one. 463 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,840 We don't care. 464 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,400 Faruq, these appear to be sun-dried rabbit droppings... 465 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,640 OK, ten dollars. 466 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,320 ..soaked in... HE SNIFFS 467 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,240 ..some kind of cough mixture. 468 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,480 For you, five dollars! Go on. 469 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,280 BAG RUSTLES 470 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,360 I am actually considering eating one of these. What the fuck? 471 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,120 OK, right. 472 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,880 Good. Not playing this game any more. 473 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,040 No more TDMs, no more spiritual top cover, granny sweets, 474 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,800 no more lucky tins, Fisherman's Friends, and definitely no more rabbit shit. 475 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,000 We're done. 476 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:52,760 Let's do this. Right. 477 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,640 Do you want the suit, boss? Nah, too hot. I'll be fine. 478 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,120 After all, it's just drills and skills. 479 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,440 SCREAMING 480 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,000 Shit! Charlie, Charlie 1, this is Bluestone 42! 481 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,080 Contact IED. Wait out. 482 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,280 Bird! Cat B! Hello, Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42. 483 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,240 Contact IED. Partial detonation. 484 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,920 One cas, Cat B, ref Blue 1. Sitrep to follow. 485 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,640 Diamond 21, acknowledge. 486 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,560 ENGINE STARTS 487 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,880 So, it was just the detonator that functioned. Not the main charge. 488 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,920 But why didn't the whole thing go up? You see, 489 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,680 some of the devices are what I call a TDM, 490 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,040 which stands for... It didn't go up because... 491 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,840 because he's Fortunate Darren. 492 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,040 If he wasn't fortunate, he'd be pink mist right now. 493 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,040 Good job he was wearing his blast pants. 494 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,120 Aye. 495 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,680 Has anybody else got really hot balls? 496 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,040 How is he? Yeah, he's fine. 497 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,160 Well, he's lost three toes on his left foot, but... 498 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,240 They should call him Toto. They already have. 499 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,920 Was Toto that dog in The Wizard Of Oz? 500 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,520 Yeah. Why's he named after a dog? 501 00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,960 Because... 502 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,280 Doesn't matter. 503 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,280 ENGINE STOPS Oh, bollocks. 504 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,560 Jesus Christ! Who did that? 505 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:19,840 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha(!) 506 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,560 Classic. 507 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,560 Don't know what you're laughing at. Road Hoggs is a shite name anyway. 508 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,640 Yeah, and as one of your guys is now called Toto, 509 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,640 I hereby christen you The Friends Of Dorothy. 510 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,960 LAUGHTER 511 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,760 That's not going to catch on. I'm pretty sure it will. 512 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,760 Look, Hogg. 513 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,720 About yesterday. 514 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,160 I was totally out of order. I owe you an apology. 515 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,120 So, sorry. All forgotten. 516 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:46,200 You ATOs all crack at some point. You ought to try doing my job. 517 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,440 Sorry? 518 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,040 Well, we're the ones at the sharp end. Still, mustn't grumble. 519 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,960 No. 520 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,720 Fisherman's Friend? Oh, thanks. 521 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,280 Have the whole tin. 522 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,520 Sorry to hear about Toto. How's morale with the other Friends Of Dorothy? 523 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,040 MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO 524 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,160 Oh, guys! So, are we playing the game? Aye. 525 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,040 Aye. 526 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,880 We were thinking we should try...Blind Man's...Muff. 527 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,400 Mm, sounds great! I'm in! 528 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,760 ..98, 99, 529 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,480 100. 530 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,560 Blind man's muff! 531 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,080 OK, what now, guys? 532 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,240 Guys? 533 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,880 Guys? Guys? 534 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:52,400 William. 535 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,360 Mac! 536 00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,680 Rocket!