1
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:17,560
Sir.

2
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,000
Sergeant Robert Hogg
from the search team, boss.

3
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,240
Bob Hogg.

4
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,800
Nick Medhurst.
So, you've already met Millsy.

5
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,280
This is Bird. There's Simon, Rocket
and Mac.

6
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,840
No offence, Sergeant, but where's
Corporal Spooner?

7
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,120
R&R. As are all the Desert
Spoons.

8
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,560
Desert Spoons!

9
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,400
Because "desert spoons"
sounds like "dessert spoons".

10
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,880
Yeah. Classic.

11
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,840
So, we're the Road Hoggs,
cos I'm called Hogg and we
clear the road. Heh.

12
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,960
At least, I hope we do. Heh.

13
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960
On the road we've got Bogbrush and
the Tosser,

14
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:54,200
and at the front, we have Fortunate
Darren, and our point man, Sandbag.

15
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,760
Why's he called Fortunate Darren?
Cos he's not the point man!

16
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,280
Right. All done.
Good work, Road Hoggs!

17
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,800
Over to you.

18
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,280
Why don't we have a team name?

19
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,200
Hm? I think the main reason is
because...

20
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,520
we're not ten years old.

21
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,880
Oh, yeah!
The Bomb Guys.

22
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,040
Oh-oh! Oh! Bird's Bomb Guys.

23
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,120
No?

24
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,680
Aah! Bird's Bell-ends?

25
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,920
Do you want the suit, boss?
I would if I were you.

26
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,440
Nah. It's too hot.

27
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,920
Sh... Shit.

28
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,120
Er...guys? Guys! Guys!

29
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,520
Hogg! Hogg! Oi, Hogg! You're the
leader of the search team.

30
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,320
Come here. Help me look for my
Fisherman's Friend. It's my last
one. Sandbag!

31
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,880
Set Vallon to detect menthol!

32
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,840
Your lucky sweets, are they?

33
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,440
You ATOs always have
some superstitious ritual.

34
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,720
I'm not superstitious.
They just help me focus.

35
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,240
Oh, boss! Boss! I've got it.
Thank you, Millsy.

36
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,760
Tell you what.
The ATO in Bluestone 31

37
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,840
always has to touch his number two's
arse before he does the long walk.

38
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,200
What?

39
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,920
Nah. Think I'll stick to the
sweets.

40
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,720
God, my balls are hot.

41
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,760
I've got serious hot balls.

42
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,800
There's so much sweat,
you could catch it in a bucket.

43
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,960
It's the blast pants. Aye.

44
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,960
I mean, whit's the point in
protecting your balls against IEDs

45
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,920
if they're just gonnae melt
anyways? Mac.

46
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,360
If you don't shut up about
your balls...

47
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,280
..I'm going to come over there
and pull them off myself.

48
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,760
Pull off my balls? Gay.

49
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,800
Eyes on!

50
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,680
Oh, shit.

51
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,920
Oh, really shit. Millsy!

52
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,440
Angry bomb!

53
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,840
Everyone, eyes down! Take cover!

54
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,080
Boss!

55
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,280
Millsy, prepare to fire
the disruptor! OK, everybody!

56
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,080
Stand by! Fire it!

57
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,040
Firing! Boss.

58
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,240
Caught fire.

59
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,040
You OK, boss? Yeah.

60
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,080
Oh, God. Ooh!

61
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,280
Whew. Battery pack. Whoof!

62
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,240
That was a close call.

63
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,040
Oh! I thought this might happen.

64
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,680
Sorry?

65
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,200
Boss?

66
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,640
Just going to keep that as a
lovely surprise?

67
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,280
No, I...I didn't mean that...

68
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,560
Well, I've noticed a couple of
trends in the devices in the last
month.

69
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,000
Oh, and what is the
fashionable terrorist planting
this season,

70
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,920
according to Millsy? Look, I know
you've been keeping your own
records,

71
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,480
but I've been keeping some
too, and I've spotted a pattern.

72
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,040
Oh, and were you planning to share
this with me at any point?

73
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,240
Yeah, sure, I can show you
everything when we get back.

74
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,800
Good. No, wait. Is this going
to involve graphs?

75
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,360
Well, I mean, there are a few ways
to project the...

76
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,640
I...I could focus solely on the...
I...I could minimise the...

77
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,400
OK, no graphs. Good.

78
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,240
What about Bird's Brave Bastards?

79
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,320
Fuck off.
- Shit!

80
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,800
Bird, we already have a name.

81
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,440
Bluestone 42, our call sign. Yeah.

82
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,920
But, Bluestone, what even is
that?

83
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,640
Actually, the pillars of Stonehenge
are made from bluestone,

84
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,440
although "bluestone" means just any
foreign stone... Oh, yeah.

85
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,240
Thank you, Wankipedia.

86
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,280
How about something like...

87
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,960
Team Intrepid?

88
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,720
Fuck's sake. Intrepid?
Yeah, Simon, let's have a name

89
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,480
that makes us sound like
we're off Junior Apprentice.

90
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,440
Bird's Bitches!

91
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,200
No!

92
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:32,640
Here, who's up for a game of Extreme
Hockey Ultimate Extreme?

93
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,680
Gleaming! I'll get the
crowbars! Please, no.

94
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,400
Dry Water-Skiing? Cook-House
Splatterbang?

95
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,600
No! Aw, Skip.

96
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,840
You're as much fun as a turd
on a plate. Mm.

97
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,880
Eh, how about a game of Freckles?
Ooh!

98
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,320
There is a time and a place
for games, and it is not now.

99
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,280
Gay.

100
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,080
You never play our games, Skip.
Millsy wants to show us something.

101
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,280
If he's invented a ball-cooling
device, I'm in.

102
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,920
So, I've been keeping a log.

103
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,920
Put it in a bag and burn it,
like everybody else.

104
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,520
Simmer down. Millsy?

105
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,840
So, I've been keeping a record of
all the devices we've encountered

106
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,800
and I've broken them down
into two types.

107
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,480
I said no graphs.
It's a scatter diagram, boss.

108
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,520
So, the blue crosses are
bog-standard devices that are easy
to render safe.

109
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,200
Easy? Interesting. Do go on.

110
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,320
And, um...

111
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,640
Well, the red crosses
are what I like to call...

112
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,120
..a TDM.

113
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,320
Tedium? That's a good name.

114
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,240
It stands for "training didn't
matter". I beg your fucking pardon?

115
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,920
Well, I mean the fact that the
device didn't fully detonate

116
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:37,320
was down to, er...chance, rather
than our intervention or our
training.

117
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800
Boss. Like the one this
morning.

118
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,800
The one this morning
was bog standard, Millsy.

119
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,120
The only reason it caught fire

120
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,000
was because the Taliban paid the
village idiot to put it in the
ground.

121
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,880
But, look, TDMs come in batches and
we're due another batch very soon.

122
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:54,000
No. No, we're not, Millsy. This
is all speculation. You know
what? It's bollocks.

123
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,680
What do we do
if we find something unusual?

124
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,000
We follow training and procedure.

125
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,520
So, if we do find one of your
tedious devices, what do we do,
Millsy?

126
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,400
We follow training and procedure,
boss. Brilliant. Thanks for that,
Millsy.

127
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,120
Insightful as ever.
Good meeting, everyone.

128
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,840
Bloody hell, what happened?

129
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,640
Can't find my sodding Fisherman's
Friends. I had a spare bag
somewhere.

130
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:22,800
Shit.

131
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360
As you say...

132
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,560
shit.

133
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,000
Nick, have I done something
wrong with Rocket and Mac?

134
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,600
I don't know, Simon, have
you? Have you been touching
them while they sleep?

135
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,840
Why don't they respect me?

136
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,160
Ah, it's hard to know what to
choose. Let's pick one.

137
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,040
Mm, maybe because, I don't know, you
don't join in their games?

138
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,920
Their games are stupid, dangerous and
often quite unhygienic.

139
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,520
Which is why they're fun. So, if I
join in, they'll respect me?

140
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,840
Well, let's not get ahead of
ourselves, Simon. But it is a start.

141
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,480
Hi, Nick. Simon.

142
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,600
Rocket and Mac wanted to know if
anyone had five litres of bleach.

143
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,440
Some game called,
um...Camo Whiteout.

144
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,440
Right, I'd better, um...

145
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,920
So, what are you doing?

146
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,720
This place looks like a bomb's
hit...

147
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,840
Er...I mean... Er...sorry.

148
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,120
So, um, how are the team?

149
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,040
Anything I can do for you? Well...

150
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,160
Apart from that. Oh. You know, I'm
always happy to come out on ops.

151
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,800
Some of your guys might
appreciate a bit of,
um...spiritual top cover.

152
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,800
Well, you could do that from
here, couldn't you?

153
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,560
Or does your praying
have a maximum range?

154
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,600
Very funny. So, what are you
looking for?

155
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,520
I can't find my bloody Fisherman's
Friends.

156
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,920
I've got Mint Imperials.

157
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,880
I had no idea. Get off. What are
you doing?

158
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,520
You have the face and body of a much
younger woman, and yet, actually,
you're 96. What?

159
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,200
Mint Imperials are granny sweets.

160
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,400
Why, Grandma, what young, fresh skin
you have!

161
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,040
Good chat, Nick.

162
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,480
OK.

163
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,680
Ah, fuck! Ha-ha-ha! Yes!

164
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,640
Guys! Guys!

165
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,640
Shite, Skip, we're only playing

166
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,320
a wee game. Well,

167
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,320
as long as there's no bleach
involved, I'm in.

168
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,640
Really?

169
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:11,920
Yeah. Gleaming.

170
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:19,240
On your marks, get set...
Oh, hang on, hang on, hang
on! What are the rules?

171
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:23,280
Total Fencing Deluxe? Well, if I
remember rightly, Mac, it's ten
points for the head,

172
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:28,160
five points for the body, both hands
on the pole, first to 30, no kicking,
no biting, and no peeking.

173
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,840
Oh. Right, sir.

174
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,280
Well, how do you play it?

175
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,280
Carry on! Oh!

176
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,480
Play!

177
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,200
Yeah!

178
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,920
Ten points to Skip!
Come on! Come on!

179
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,520
Play!

180
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,120
Ten points to Skip. Come on!

181
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,120
And play!

182
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,320
Five points to Mac! Yaah!

183
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,360
Fuck!

184
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,800
The winner is Skip! Yes!

185
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,520
Yes!

186
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,360
Who's the daddy? Huh?

187
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,520
First game and I totally kick
your arse!

188
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,360
Aye, all right, Skip. Easy.
Right, we're off.

189
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,080
I just kicked Mac's arse
at Total Fencing Deluxe.

190
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,520
Which he invented.

191
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,680
Nice one.

192
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,440
Get this... Let's get this
packed up.

193
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,760
Oh! You fuck!

194
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,880
OK, and you're absolutely sure
they're not in your quarters?

195
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,680
Yeah, I looked, I looked. OK. Well,
could they be in the det?

196
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,120
I've checked everywhere, Millsy.
You ready? No. Wait.

197
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,120
Where's my last bag of Fisherman's
Friends? Have you hidden them again?
No.

198
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,240
No, no. Wasn't that the bag
you lost at poker?

199
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,480
Oh, shit sticks. I just assumed you
replaced them.

200
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,720
Boss, we really should be...
Yes, I know, Millsy!

201
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,880
OK, OK, er, run and tell Mary
that she can come with us.

202
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,440
Go on, chop-chop.

203
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,560
Bit of spiritual top cover, eh?

204
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,680
What? No.

205
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,360
Look, she asked to come,
so I'm letting her, OK?

206
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,160
You're not worried about all that
crap Millsy was spouting earlier,
are you?

207
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,240
Boss?

208
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,200
No. No, I'm fine. Right as rain.

209
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,920
The really right kind of rain.
The...right rain. Right? All right?

210
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,520
All right? All right, boss?

211
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,080
Right, come on, Bird's
Boneheads. Mm!

212
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,520
It's got a ring tae it.

213
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,120
Aye. So does my arse.

214
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,040
All done, just one device.

215
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,760
Although there is a big pile of goat
shit down there on the left.

216
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,800
We should check again.
No, it's definitely goat shit.

217
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,600
Confirmed that
with the Mark 1 eyeball. Ha-ha!

218
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,000
You heard him, Hogg. Check again.
Millsy, get the robot ready.

219
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,880
When these guys are finished, we'll
double-check with that. Boss.

220
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,360
Aye-aye! Feeling jumpy?

221
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,440
Let me guess, run out of Fisherman's
Friends?

222
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,360
Why are you still here, talking?

223
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,400
Well, we have
double-checked for...

224
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,240
You search until the ATO's
satisfied. Do I look satisfied to
you?

225
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,360
No, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. Wait. Let me make this
easier for you. OK? I'm the ATO.

226
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,440
See? ATO.

227
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,120
This face? Not satisfied!

228
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:11,160
Sir. Fortunate Darren! Sandbag! Here
we go round the mulberry bush.

229
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,040
And will you leave it out with
the fucking jokes when
there's IEDs around?

230
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,400
Someone might get killed.
You know, you, in fact, might
get killed by me!

231
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,520
Fuck's sake!

232
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,960
You know, I am sick
of your stupid grinning face

233
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,920
every time I get ready to go
down there!

234
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:27,080
Just do your fucking job, you
absolute waste of uniform and
training!

235
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,200
Sir.

236
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,480
Battery's low, boss. I want to be
certain what we're dealing with.

237
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,800
And we lose the A&A cordon
in an hour, so...

238
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,760
I should just check the...

239
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,760
thing.

240
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,880
Are you praying? Is that all right?

241
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,040
As long as you get Baby Jesus to
make my mum send me some chocolates.

242
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,760
I'm not sure it works like that.

243
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,080
I'm not sure it works at all.

244
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,880
Shit. Battery's gone.

245
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,000
Fuck it. Right.

246
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,720
I'd better get down there.

247
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,880
Got those Mint Imperials?
Yeah, sure.

248
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,680
Although they're not as strong
as Fisherman's Friends.

249
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,400
Unless you eat 20 of them.

250
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,440
Ooh!
Soot, Millsy!

251
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,840
Shoot? Er, shoot...shoot what,
boss?

252
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,840
Soot, Millsy!
Soot. Oh.

253
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,280
Suit. Suit.

254
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,040
When I'm tense, I just imagine giving
my mum a wee cuddle.

255
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,800
Aye. When I'm tense, I imagine
giving your mum a wee cuddle.

256
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,840
Away tae fuck!

257
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,520
Guess what, Millsy?
Straightforward VOIED.

258
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,400
No secondaries.

259
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,080
Bog standard.

260
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,600
So boggy, you could stride across
it, admiring the heather,

261
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,680
whilst a team of jolly Irish
labourers cut peat from a...

262
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,840
Yeah, I'm getting bored of this
metaphor.

263
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,000
Would you like me to fire
the disruptor, boss?

264
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,240
No, Millsy, cos I did it with my
snips.

265
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,280
And without...my Fisherman's
Friends.

266
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,960
I snipped the shit out of it.

267
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,720
That device will no longer be
fathering other smaller devices,

268
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,040
because of my really expert
snipping.

269
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,960
So much for your doom-laden
horse shit.

270
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,920
I didn't say
it would definitely be today,
OK?

271
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,600
So, I might die tomorrow?
Thank you very much, Millsy.

272
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,400
No, look, that's not
what I meant, boss. I...

273
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,200
Boss?

274
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,560
Um...

275
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,560
how many Mint Imperials did
you have?

276
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,520
I just need to know so I can pack
them for next time.

277
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,280
If we had a lucky mascot,
we could be named after that!

278
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:22,240
We've got one! Andy McNab!
No! No, no, no!

279
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,480
Andy McNab is the name of
Mac's cock!

280
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,600
Why? Because it's been
out of action for years?

281
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,640
Fucking hell, Padre! Serious! Not
cool! That's way out of order!

282
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,280
Maybe we could be called...
No!

283
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,360
That's it! No more nicknames!
We're called Bluestone 42!

284
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:43,720
Or how about, "a bunch of noisy
cunts who won't fucking shut up"?

285
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720
No?

286
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,760
Good.

287
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,280
We've really got to get hold
of some Fishermen's Friends.

288
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,160
He's done one device without.
He'll be fine.

289
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,280
No, no, no, no. He's in a
period of high stress, when he
really shouldn't be.

290
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,440
What, you keep graphs
on his mood swings as well?

291
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,320
You are kidding me?
Right now he's up here,

292
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,200
very stressed, when he should be
here, relaxed.

293
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,800
You're insane.

294
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,040
Or very sane. No.

295
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,920
Now, I think we can track
down the bag he lost at poker.

296
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,400
Oh, give me strength.

297
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,760
Nick lost the whole bag to
Captain Softly. Captain Softly then
lost... I tell you what.

298
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,040
You cream yourself over your
graph. I'll just get on the
phone and ask for some.

299
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,320
It's a flow chart, actually.

300
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,920
Knock, knock? Hi.

301
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,600
Yeah, a...a special
"tidying up" bomb hit it.

302
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,120
Right. Um... CO's just flown
back in.

303
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,840
He wants a chat.

304
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,240
OK.

305
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,000
Nick.

306
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000
Is everything all right?
Yeah, I think so. Why?

307
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,680
Cos since you ran out of your special
sweets, you've been acting like a
massive bell-end.

308
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,040
Might want to work on your bedside
manner there, Padre.

309
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,920
Right, it's totally understandable
that you're a little bit
superstitious.

310
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,000
I'm not superstitious, OK?

311
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,440
We had intelligence suggesting that
the next bomb could... Put that
down.

312
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,760
This is knackered. You
should bin it. No, no.

313
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,800
No, no, no, no, no.

314
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,960
This is the tin that I
had when I did my first bomb.

315
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,960
Basra, 2008.

316
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,040
And every bomb since.
Not that a little metal tin
could affect anything.

317
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,840
Yeah, well, it's not like
you're not superstitious, is it?

318
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,600
I mean, Jesus is basically
just your Fisherman's Friend.

319
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,240
Huh! He was the friend of
fishermen. Oh, shit, I really walked
into that one, didn't I?

320
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,840
Yeah, at least four of the
disciples were fishermen.

321
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,480
Yes, OK, I get it. Run along
now. Good luck with the CO.

322
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,200
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

323
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,440
Whoo!

324
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,320
Guys! Guys!

325
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,720
Guys! What are you doing?

326
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,360
Just a wee game.
Aye. Fucking Bronco.

327
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:10,240
One of the grease monkeys said we
could borrow it for ten minutes.

328
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,680
No! I mean, I can't believe
you're playing without me.
Room for a small one?

329
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,440
It's best played wi' two. Aye.

330
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,080
I could referee.

331
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,360
No ref in Fucking Bronco.
Obviously.

332
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,400
Different game, then?

333
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,320
I think that ten minutes is up,
Rocket.

334
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,520
We should return the
vehicle as agreed. Aye.

335
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,600
There's a time and a place for
games, but that time is now
over.

336
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,680
And that place is now over.

337
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,760
Why won't they let me join
in? I don't know, Simon.

338
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,720
Is it because you repeatedly hit one
of your men round the head

339
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,240
with a big metal stick yesterday, or
for some other reason?

340
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,520
Look, if you beat them at their
own game, you're gonna look
like an arsehole.

341
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,000
So, I have to lose? Sure, if you
want to look like a pussy.

342
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,240
Look, just play for a bit, then
say you've got something
important to do, and leave.

343
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,640
Join in, step out. J-I-S-O. Jiso.

344
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,760
Join in, step out.
Actually, Jiso would be quite a good
nickname for you, Simon.

345
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,640
I'll stick with Simon.
Sure thing, Jiso.

346
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,640
Come. Ah, Captain Medhurst.

347
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,520
Sir, if this is about yesterday,
I know I overstepped...

348
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,680
Ah, yes. The "Hogg roast".

349
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,160
I presume you're going to apologise,
fulsomely?

350
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,960
First opportunity, sir. Good-oh.

351
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,360
Worth remembering that his
team's job is probably even
more dangerous than yours.

352
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,640
Have I ever introduced you
to Little Philip?

353
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,480
My niece gave it to me when I passed
out of Sandhurst.

354
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,520
I suppose she thought I was in the
Guards. Precocious child, but
well-meaning.

355
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,680
Now works for...Honda.

356
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:03,320
The point is, this little chap
has seen me through a
couple of scrapes in Bosnia,

357
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,920
Sierra Leone...

358
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,840
and a moment of questionable
legality in Cyprus.

359
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,040
Mm. Never told my unit about
him, of course.

360
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,760
Didn't want to shit them up
in case I lost him.

361
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,760
Just thought you'd be interested.

362
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,600
Carry on. Sir.

363
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,640
Ah, Faruq. Just the man. Look.

364
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:34,200
Can you get hold of some Fisherman's
Friends? You want Fisherman's
Friends! Shh-shh-shh.

365
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,280
I get you Fisherman's
Friends, very good price.

366
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,440
OK, if you can get them before the
next call-out, I'll give you 20
dollars.

367
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,800
For 20 dollars, you get lots
of Fisherman's Friends.
Bye-bye!

368
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,480
Of course they don't have an order
number. They're sweets.

369
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,400
Oh, forget it.

370
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,560
So, er...going to give up on
those sweets.

371
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,920
Don't need 'em no more.

372
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,360
Got your, er, lucky pants on?

373
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,360
All my pants are lucky.
Except with Mary.

374
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,960
Yeah, cheers for pointing that
out, Bird. You're a brick.

375
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,320
Oh! Bird's Bricks? No, it's
shit. Not again.

376
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,880
Bird, what is it with this team name
obsession?

377
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,840
Look, I was never
in the cool gang at school.

378
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,840
My dad was the physics
teacher, for a start.

379
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,760
But if we had a name... Bird.

380
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,720
We are the cool gang.
We're a counter-IED team.

381
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,520
When you get back to England, you're
going to be so cool, you're gonna be
bored of it.

382
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,760
That's going to make you even
cooler.

383
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,320
Cheers, Nick.

384
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,240
Ah. Look, guys, about yesterday. I
really want to apologise.

385
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,520
Bender.

386
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,960
Bender? That's good. Er...I got
carried away. So, rematch?

387
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,400
Something different? Aye, we'll
think of something.

388
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,520
Jiso.

389
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,800
Ah, morning, all.

390
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,040
How are things with Team
Diversity?

391
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,760
Er...Team what, now, sir?

392
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,600
Team Diversity. No?

393
00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,800
Public school boy. Essex boy.
A black guy. A woman. A
Scot. A closet homosexual.

394
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,080
Oh, Mac, ya buftie!

395
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,360
My God, you're right.

396
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,320
I've been living a lie!

397
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,800
Come on, baby! I'll give you a
rocket!

398
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,280
Piss off!

399
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720
In denial.

400
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,680
Very sad.

401
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,520
Sorry, sir.

402
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,040
Sir, with respect, um...

403
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,080
Team Diversity? I'm...
I'm not just a token bird.

404
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,680
Course not. Just remarking on the
changing face of the modern Army.

405
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,120
Carry on.

406
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,000
Guys, we're up. Transport's
on its way.

407
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,760
OK, er... OK. Just, er, give
me...give me two minutes.

408
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,920
Team Diversity? This is like Year
Eight all over again.

409
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,600
Captain Nick! I have
Fisherman's Friends!

410
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,640
Oh, thank fuck for that!
How did you get them so...?

411
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,560
Oh. The friends of fisherman, yes?

412
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,520
To help catch the fish.

413
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,280
We agreed 30 dollars. No, Faruq.

414
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,160
Fisherman's Friends are
a brand of sweet.

415
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,520
These are sweet, juicy.
Er...special price, 20 dollars.

416
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,600
No. Look, Faruq, just take
these back, OK?

417
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,400
Fisherman's Friends are...are small,
brown, menthol sweets. Strong.

418
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,680
Menthol, brown, strong.

419
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,240
OK. I make some calls. Yeah, well,
you've got about a minute before we
have to go, so...

420
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,880
What's going on?

421
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,720
Well, we've got a shout on.
You're going to come with us.

422
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,520
I'm just concerned I'll have to come
out every time now.

423
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,960
But who's going to be sat at the
base reading the Bible?

424
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,840
OK.

425
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,920
Road Hoggs about to hand
over to Team Diversity.

426
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,480
Yeah, we're not called that,
knob-face. Sandbag! We done?

427
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,120
That's two of your Earth
minutes. Heh.

428
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,640
Boss, I tracked down
your Fisherman's Friends.

429
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,720
Now, apparently, Lieutenant
Freeman has them, but he's
in Bastion now, so...

430
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,400
Millsy, thanks for going
to all that trouble, but it's OK.

431
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,640
I've gone cold turkey.

432
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,720
Oh. OK. Yeah. I don't need any
stupid... Captain Nick!

433
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,040
The Fisherman's Friends you
asked for! I mean...

434
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,440
I don't necessarily want...
Oh, for fuck's sake, boss.
Please, Nick, just have one.

435
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,840
We don't care.

436
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,400
Faruq, these appear to be
sun-dried rabbit droppings...

437
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,640
OK, ten dollars.

438
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,320
..soaked in...

439
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,240
..some kind of cough mixture.

440
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,480
For you, five dollars! Go on.

441
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,360
I am actually considering eating one
of these. What the fuck?

442
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,120
OK, right.

443
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,880
Good. Not playing this game
any more.

444
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,040
No more TDMs, no more spiritual top
cover, granny sweets,

445
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,800
no more lucky tins, Fisherman's
Friends, and definitely no more
rabbit shit.

446
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,000
We're done.

447
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:52,760
Let's do this. Right.

448
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,640
Do you want the suit, boss?
Nah, too hot. I'll be fine.

449
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,120
After all, it's just drills
and skills.

450
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,000
Shit! Charlie, Charlie 1,
this is Bluestone 42!

451
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,080
Contact IED. Wait out.

452
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,280
Bird! Cat B! Hello, Diamond 21,
this is Bluestone 42.

453
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,240
Contact IED. Partial detonation.

454
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,920
One cas, Cat B, ref Blue 1.
Sitrep to follow.

455
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,640
Diamond 21, acknowledge.

456
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,880
So, it was just the detonator
that functioned. Not the main
charge.

457
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,920
But why didn't the whole
thing go up? You see,

458
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,680
some of the devices are what
I call a TDM,

459
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,040
which stands for...
It didn't go up because...

460
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,840
because he's Fortunate Darren.

461
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,040
If he wasn't fortunate,
he'd be pink mist right now.

462
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,040
Good job he was wearing his blast
pants.

463
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,120
Aye.

464
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,680
Has anybody else got really
hot balls?

465
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,040
How is he? Yeah, he's fine.

466
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,160
Well, he's lost three toes
on his left foot, but...

467
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,240
They should call him Toto.
They already have.

468
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,920
Was Toto that dog in The
Wizard Of Oz?

469
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,520
Yeah. Why's he named after a dog?

470
00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,960
Because...

471
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,280
Doesn't matter.

472
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,280
Oh, bollocks.

473
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,560
Jesus Christ! Who did that?

474
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:19,840
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha(!)

475
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,560
Classic.

476
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,560
Don't know what you're laughing at.
Road Hoggs is a shite name anyway.

477
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,640
Yeah, and as one of your
guys is now called Toto,

478
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,640
I hereby christen you
The Friends Of Dorothy.

479
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,760
That's not going to catch on.
I'm pretty sure it will.

480
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,760
Look, Hogg.

481
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,720
About yesterday.

482
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,160
I was totally out of order.
I owe you an apology.

483
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,120
So, sorry. All forgotten.

484
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:46,200
You ATOs all crack at some point.
You ought to try doing my job.

485
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,440
Sorry?

486
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,040
Well, we're the ones at the sharp
end. Still, mustn't grumble.

487
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,960
No.

488
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,720
Fisherman's Friend? Oh, thanks.

489
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,280
Have the whole tin.

490
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,520
Sorry to hear about Toto.
How's morale with the other
Friends Of Dorothy?

491
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,160
Oh, guys! So, are we
playing the game? Aye.

492
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,040
Aye.

493
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,880
We were thinking we should
try...Blind Man's...Muff.

494
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,400
Mm, sounds great! I'm in!

495
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,760
..98, 99,

496
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,480
100.

497
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,560
Blind man's muff!

498
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,080
OK, what now, guys?

499
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,240
Guys?

500
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,880
Guys? Guys?

501
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:52,400
William.

502
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,360
Mac!

503
00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,680
Rocket!