1 00:00:01,278 --> 00:00:04,222 Perfect. Okay, I'll see you Sunday. Bye. (Giggles) 2 00:00:04,374 --> 00:00:06,260 Damn, girl. You're planning the straight hizzell 3 00:00:06,353 --> 00:00:07,584 out of that block party. 4 00:00:07,694 --> 00:00:10,266 "Hizzell"? (Lowered voice) Are we just gonna let that slide? 5 00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:11,119 (Mouths words) It's gonna be great. 6 00:00:11,213 --> 00:00:13,007 I'm gonna have a deejay in front of my store, bands, 7 00:00:13,117 --> 00:00:16,524 - Dave's truck... - And I will be unveiling the new and improved version 8 00:00:16,621 --> 00:00:18,115 of my classic steak sandwich. 9 00:00:18,229 --> 00:00:20,183 I call it "Steak-Point-0." 10 00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:23,650 (Lowered voice) - So we are just letting everything slide? - Oy. 11 00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:24,850 (Brad) - Um... - Okay, does everyone have 12 00:00:24,954 --> 00:00:26,717 something to contribute for the silent auction? 13 00:00:26,811 --> 00:00:29,335 I will be donating a free PR consultation. 14 00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:31,158 Ohh. So Penny's offering nothing. 15 00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:33,499 I'll be donating three centerpieces handmade by me, 16 00:00:33,631 --> 00:00:34,746 perfect for any occasion-- 17 00:00:34,854 --> 00:00:36,467 a dinner party, holiday gathering, 18 00:00:36,553 --> 00:00:39,686 centerpiece hall of fame induction ceremony. 19 00:00:39,878 --> 00:00:41,954 Thanks, Jane. You make the best centerpieces. 20 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:42,875 (Whispers) I know. 21 00:00:42,991 --> 00:00:45,655 Oh. Hey, buddy. How was the funeral? 22 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,180 - Sad. - Mm-hmm. 23 00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:48,784 Mark was a great hairdresser 24 00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,380 and a great guy. 25 00:00:50,895 --> 00:00:53,592 42 years young, and then... pfft. Dead. 26 00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:55,596 But the real tragedy is... 27 00:00:56,315 --> 00:00:58,689 I need a haircut, and I ain't got no place to go. 28 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:00,986 Yeah, that's definitely the real tragedy here. 29 00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:02,030 What about my barbershop? 30 00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:03,601 Nah. I can't keep arguing with those guys 31 00:01:03,695 --> 00:01:05,125 about Tyler Perry movies anymore. 32 00:01:05,223 --> 00:01:06,699 Black folks like Tyler Perry, Max. 33 00:01:06,845 --> 00:01:08,801 No, I love Tyler Perry movies. 34 00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:11,139 It's Ray-Ray and Tooches that think it's implausible 35 00:01:11,258 --> 00:01:12,791 for Madea to keep going back to prison. 36 00:01:12,922 --> 00:01:15,306 But like I told them, mama got tax problems. 37 00:01:15,417 --> 00:01:16,840 - You should go see Krisjahn. (Alex) - Yeah. 38 00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,538 Alex and I have been going to him for years. 39 00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:19,585 Chris John? 40 00:01:19,694 --> 00:01:20,903 - No. Krisjahn. - Christian. 41 00:01:21,022 --> 00:01:22,045 - Mnh-mnh. - No. Krisjahn. 42 00:01:22,162 --> 00:01:24,579 K-R-I-S-J-A-H-N. 43 00:01:24,704 --> 00:01:26,918 Krisjahn. Very common gay-fake-French name. 44 00:01:27,007 --> 00:01:29,956 No, no, Max. You're a man, like me. 45 00:01:30,053 --> 00:01:33,214 You need to go to a man who cuts man hair man-style. 46 00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:35,739 Trust me. I got a guy. 47 00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:37,183 (Laughs) (Laughs) 48 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,060 - Hey, guys. (Gasps) - Sacre bleu! 49 00:01:39,218 --> 00:01:41,813 Dude, you look like Suze Orman if she stopped shaving. 50 00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:43,965 You look like a keytar player in a Christian rock band. 51 00:01:44,068 --> 00:01:45,946 - You look like Alf. - You look like an assistant manager 52 00:01:46,047 --> 00:01:47,536 at a Jacksonville multiplex. 53 00:01:47,637 --> 00:01:48,895 I think I need Chris John's number. 54 00:01:48,992 --> 00:01:51,129 (Alex, Jane, Brad, and Penny) Krisjahn. 55 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:54,868 Wait. Am I seriously the only one feeling this? 56 00:01:55,107 --> 00:01:56,172 Yes. 57 00:01:57,927 --> 00:01:59,080 - What? - What? 58 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:00,271 (Everybody) Ugh. 59 00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,359 - What?! - What?! 60 00:02:05,441 --> 00:02:07,954 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 61 00:02:11,451 --> 00:02:13,355 Okay, taste testers, 62 00:02:13,461 --> 00:02:14,917 Steak Me Home Tonight and Dave Rose, 63 00:02:15,022 --> 00:02:16,636 in conjunction with beef and cheese, 64 00:02:16,724 --> 00:02:18,181 proudly present... 65 00:02:18,752 --> 00:02:19,855 the Steak-Point-0. 66 00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:21,097 - Mmm. - Yay. 67 00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:24,229 - Mnh-mnh. No. - No. No. 68 00:02:24,339 --> 00:02:25,606 - Ugh. Nope. Steak-point-no. - Mnh-mnh. 69 00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:26,783 Sorry, but that tastes like... 70 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:28,757 outside. 71 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,123 If you made tea out of a taxi driver's underpants 72 00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:33,575 and then... no. Fart paper. 73 00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:35,263 (Whispers) - Yes. - That is definitely fart paper. 74 00:02:35,379 --> 00:02:37,243 Am I tasting a hard yogurt? Is that a thing? 75 00:02:37,345 --> 00:02:39,141 That is nowhere near as good as hard yogurt. 76 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,629 Dave, what happened to your old sandwich? It was great. 77 00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:42,755 (Singsongy) Boring! 78 00:02:42,851 --> 00:02:44,647 I gotta mix it up a little bit, all right? 79 00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:45,939 I'm not getting any new customers, 80 00:02:46,079 --> 00:02:47,185 I got zero Tweets, 81 00:02:47,284 --> 00:02:49,316 and the only review on Yelp I got was from my mom, 82 00:02:49,431 --> 00:02:50,872 when she thought she was e-mailing me. 83 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,376 "Davey, what's the name of that movie 84 00:02:52,497 --> 00:02:54,416 about the horse that goes to the war?" 85 00:02:54,509 --> 00:02:57,048 Uh, "War Biscuit." (Scoffs) Duh. 86 00:02:57,172 --> 00:02:58,099 Say, Dave, 87 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,498 since I just did you a favor by eating your gross sandwich, 88 00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:02,003 I'd like a favor in return. 89 00:03:02,105 --> 00:03:03,498 See, I just bought this new armoire-- 90 00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:05,311 Well, it's been years since I appraised anything, 91 00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:06,595 - but I guess I-- - No, I was hoping 92 00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,311 I could borrow your truck to move it to my place. 93 00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:09,588 Yeah. Sure. You need any help? 94 00:03:09,694 --> 00:03:12,133 - No, thanks. I've got Alex and Jane. - Oh. 95 00:03:12,256 --> 00:03:14,330 We used to move mattresses for our dad's store in the summer. 96 00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:15,848 Ah, we made bank. 97 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,302 Remember that guy who tipped us extra 98 00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:19,176 because we agreed to dress up as his dead daughters? 99 00:03:19,307 --> 00:03:20,474 Jeffrey! We're Facebook friends. 100 00:03:20,582 --> 00:03:21,747 Ah! Send me the link to that page. 101 00:03:21,841 --> 00:03:22,839 - Oh, he'll love that. - Hmm. 102 00:03:22,964 --> 00:03:24,947 Okay. Well, the truck's all yours. 103 00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:27,195 But beware. She has some quirks. (Opens drawer) 104 00:03:27,421 --> 00:03:30,087 - Now this unlocks the door. - Okay. 105 00:03:30,235 --> 00:03:33,821 And this starts the engine. (Closes drawer) 106 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,107 Oh, and when you honk the horn, 107 00:03:35,211 --> 00:03:37,223 she plays "Someone's In The Kitchen With Dinah." 108 00:03:37,364 --> 00:03:38,996 - Why? - Because... 109 00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:41,902 ♪ Someone's in the kitchen with David ♪ 110 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:44,575 ♪ chompin' on a steak sando, oh, oh ♪ 111 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,648 Dave, you are one of my oldest friends, 112 00:03:46,764 --> 00:03:49,219 but if we met now, we'd be enemies. 113 00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:50,556 (Singsongy) Thanks for the truck! 114 00:03:50,649 --> 00:03:51,842 Bye! 115 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:55,176 Oh, thank you so much for helping me, Krisjahn. 116 00:03:55,284 --> 00:03:58,277 Anything for a friend of Alex and Jane's. 117 00:03:58,387 --> 00:04:01,305 Sit back, relax, and we'll have you looking more "Max" 118 00:04:01,418 --> 00:04:04,682 and less "retired air force lesbian" in no time. 119 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:06,212 Ahh, gay wit-- 120 00:04:06,341 --> 00:04:08,276 the white noise of the hair salon. 121 00:04:08,404 --> 00:04:12,665 So... how is Alex's block party coming along? 122 00:04:12,782 --> 00:04:14,003 Is that what's happening this week? 123 00:04:14,097 --> 00:04:15,335 I-I-I have not been paying attention. 124 00:04:15,439 --> 00:04:17,513 Jane doesn't think Alex can pull it off 125 00:04:17,587 --> 00:04:18,941 'cause she's such a flake. 126 00:04:19,036 --> 00:04:19,625 Hmm? 127 00:04:19,752 --> 00:04:22,296 And Alex thinks thinks Jane's centerpieces are, 128 00:04:22,404 --> 00:04:26,237 quote, "pieces from the center of a person's butt..." 129 00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:27,050 What? 130 00:04:27,161 --> 00:04:29,273 "And that person is not well, darling." 131 00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:30,655 Do they talk that kind of trash 132 00:04:30,766 --> 00:04:32,383 behind each other's backs to you? 133 00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:34,048 They've been bitch-hissing about each other to me 134 00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:37,357 for years, and not just the small stuff. 135 00:04:37,465 --> 00:04:38,826 Unh! Now well don't stop there! 136 00:04:38,914 --> 00:04:40,525 Give me all the good stuff, fellow gaylord. 137 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,518 - You want something big? - Oh, I want something big, girl. 138 00:04:42,655 --> 00:04:45,376 Okay. Um... Jane thinks Alex is 139 00:04:45,465 --> 00:04:47,230 a disappointment to their parents. 140 00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:49,797 That... is... awesome. (Laughs) 141 00:04:49,882 --> 00:04:50,686 Well, get this. 142 00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:51,496 - Alex... - Uh-huh? 143 00:04:51,638 --> 00:04:53,477 ...says that Jane is only into black guys... 144 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,513 - Uh-huh? - ...because she lost her virginity 145 00:04:55,636 --> 00:04:58,445 at the drive-in screening of "Big Momma's House." 146 00:04:58,555 --> 00:05:00,340 Ohh! Hallelujah! 147 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,796 This is like gay Christmas! 148 00:05:01,907 --> 00:05:04,065 Oh, hold up. That's the Oscars. 149 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:04,866 Right. Yes. 150 00:05:04,961 --> 00:05:06,158 - Yeah. - Of course. I'm sorry. 151 00:05:06,949 --> 00:05:08,044 Dude, check it out. 152 00:05:08,156 --> 00:05:09,949 So I went to Krisjahn to get my hair fixed-- 153 00:05:10,058 --> 00:05:11,403 - That's fixed? (Grunts) - Whatever. 154 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,936 Anyway... he told me about all this trash 155 00:05:15,027 --> 00:05:15,909 that Alex and Jane have 156 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,749 been talking about each other there for years. 157 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,103 I mean, really hurtful, venge-filled, 158 00:05:20,216 --> 00:05:21,833 soul-crushing stuff. 159 00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:23,480 It was hilarious. 160 00:05:23,626 --> 00:05:25,688 - Yep. I know all about it. - You do? 161 00:05:25,823 --> 00:05:27,586 That's how the Kerkoviches deal with their stuff. 162 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,412 They talk to someone else, never each other. 163 00:05:29,515 --> 00:05:31,078 (Scoffs) That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, 164 00:05:31,212 --> 00:05:33,094 and I've heard Alex and Dave talk about the Civil War. 165 00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:34,242 Well, that's what they do. 166 00:05:34,359 --> 00:05:35,971 I mean, Alex and Jane tried being honest 167 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,527 with each other, like, 20 years ago. 168 00:05:37,642 --> 00:05:40,781 The fight lasted for weeks. The family never talks about it. 169 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,091 They just call it... "The incident." 170 00:05:44,198 --> 00:05:45,477 (Exhales) 171 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,583 (Music stops) That sounds amazing. 172 00:05:47,692 --> 00:05:48,733 (Chuckles) Yeah. 173 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,853 Dude... do not stir this up. 174 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,601 I don't need any more drama, all right? 175 00:05:53,713 --> 00:05:55,024 Seriously, I just watched "Nurse Jackie," 176 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,008 and I cannot handle any more drama right now. 177 00:05:57,179 --> 00:05:59,709 - Of course not. - Thanks. Wait. 178 00:05:59,869 --> 00:06:01,626 Are you doing that thing where you say, "of course not," 179 00:06:01,738 --> 00:06:02,886 and then you go do it anyway? 180 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,472 I would never do that to you, man. 181 00:06:04,610 --> 00:06:06,158 (Chuckles) Thanks. 182 00:06:06,287 --> 00:06:07,374 Wait. 183 00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:08,984 Now are you doing that thing where you say, 184 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,907 "I'd never do that to you, man" after I've questioned 185 00:06:11,008 --> 00:06:12,632 the sincerity of your "of course not"? 186 00:06:12,721 --> 00:06:15,753 Of course not. I would never do that to you, man. 187 00:06:15,957 --> 00:06:17,297 Thanks, man. 188 00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:18,473 Wait! 189 00:06:19,236 --> 00:06:20,074 I like your hair. 190 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,781 - Thanks. - I'm lying. 191 00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:23,058 (Sighs) 192 00:06:23,412 --> 00:06:25,720 Thank you, guys, so much for helping me with the armoire. 193 00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:29,661 I guess you could say you're my knights in shining armoire. 194 00:06:30,878 --> 00:06:31,774 Or you could not say it. 195 00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:33,417 Up to you. I'm not your mouth boss. 196 00:06:33,556 --> 00:06:34,597 But seriously, thank you. 197 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:37,213 Well, thank, uh, muscle-boobs over here. 198 00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,310 She did most of the work. 199 00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:41,861 (Strained voice) I got it. It's all good. I got this. 200 00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:43,226 - It's all in the legs... - Mm. 201 00:06:43,322 --> 00:06:44,649 ...from yay to hay. 202 00:06:45,231 --> 00:06:47,710 Wait. Didn't we park Dave's truck right here? 203 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,865 Yeah. 204 00:06:49,455 --> 00:06:51,447 Wait. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 205 00:06:51,529 --> 00:06:53,713 - Do you know what this means? - Ghost truck?! 206 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:56,279 No, it means that Dave's truck was stolen. 207 00:06:56,406 --> 00:06:58,776 Right! Of course. Of course. (Chuckles) 208 00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:00,762 (Slaps thigh) Ghosts don't drive. 209 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:02,200 Stupid, stupid, stupid. 210 00:07:08,073 --> 00:07:09,419 Dave? 211 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:12,063 I've got some bad news. 212 00:07:12,156 --> 00:07:14,104 (Knife thuds) Oh, my God. Something happened to Dave Matthews, didn't it? 213 00:07:14,288 --> 00:07:15,060 It did, didn't it? 214 00:07:15,148 --> 00:07:16,452 (Voice breaks) I had that weird dream, and now he's gone-- 215 00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:18,289 Stop it! No, Dave Matthews is fine. 216 00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:19,352 I mean, he's puffy and he sounds like 217 00:07:19,452 --> 00:07:21,893 - he's got a squirrel in his mouth, but he's fine. - Thank God. 218 00:07:22,277 --> 00:07:23,473 Someone stole your truck. 219 00:07:23,552 --> 00:07:24,658 - What?! - I don't know what happened. 220 00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:25,472 I locked the doors, 221 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:26,763 I took the screwdriver out of the ignition, 222 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,722 - I put it on the dash-- - You left the screwdriver on the dash?! 223 00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,785 That's practically an invitation to steal it! 224 00:07:31,881 --> 00:07:33,726 I am so, so sorry. 225 00:07:33,838 --> 00:07:36,334 (Sighs) Oh! What am I gonna do? That truck was my livelihood! 226 00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:37,762 How am I gonna pay the bills? 227 00:07:37,879 --> 00:07:40,014 I can't go back to being a wild turkey shot boy. 228 00:07:40,119 --> 00:07:40,785 I've put on weight. 229 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,415 I don't have the legs to be a little gobbler. 230 00:07:42,551 --> 00:07:43,549 Well, we should call the cops. 231 00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:46,813 No. No, don't be naive. The cops don't find stolen cars. 232 00:07:46,943 --> 00:07:48,614 Plus they only help white people. 233 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,272 - I'm sorry? - I'm 1/16th Navajo. 234 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,807 Well, we should at least go out and try to find your truck. 235 00:07:53,923 --> 00:07:55,030 I mean, we found your clogs 236 00:07:55,144 --> 00:07:56,811 that time you left them at the duck pond. 237 00:07:57,454 --> 00:07:59,317 (Sighs) All right. Fine, let's go find it. 238 00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:02,048 But in the off-off chance that we do find it... (Opens drawer) 239 00:08:02,506 --> 00:08:03,905 I'm gonna bring my spare key. (Closes drawer) 240 00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:09,842 I screwed the pooch. 241 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,810 (Door closes) I wined it, I dined it, 242 00:08:11,922 --> 00:08:13,465 I told it it was cute and that I valued its opinions, 243 00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:15,191 even though I don't, and then I screwed it. 244 00:08:15,311 --> 00:08:17,452 Um... what are you talking about? 245 00:08:17,543 --> 00:08:20,428 Okay, I was at Krisjahn's with Jane, and then Alex came in. 246 00:08:20,525 --> 00:08:21,863 And then they started complimenting each other... (Gasps) 247 00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:24,298 about the block party and the centerpieces and... 248 00:08:24,398 --> 00:08:26,064 No. Tell me you didn't. 249 00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:27,102 I did. 250 00:08:27,203 --> 00:08:29,499 I told them all the things that Krisjahn told me. 251 00:08:29,606 --> 00:08:32,698 - All the smack. - Damn you, you Kevin Smith smell-alike! 252 00:08:32,798 --> 00:08:33,906 But it was super funny! 253 00:08:34,011 --> 00:08:35,039 Then it got super scary, 254 00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:37,036 like when my grandpa got on that trampoline. 255 00:08:37,153 --> 00:08:38,334 And much like Pop Irving, 256 00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:40,362 they're not gonna stop till they're dead. 257 00:08:40,495 --> 00:08:41,714 I can't believe you did this. 258 00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:43,790 I'm gonna be sick. 259 00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:44,811 I didn't... 260 00:08:44,921 --> 00:08:46,285 - I d-- - Oh, wait. Oh, God. (Gags) 261 00:08:46,409 --> 00:08:48,086 - It's your fault! - Ugh! 262 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,860 I mean, you practically begged me to do it 263 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:51,266 by begging me not to do it. 264 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,485 In fact, sir, I would like an apology. I am hurt. 265 00:08:53,587 --> 00:08:55,636 I am deeply hurt that you do not know me well enough 266 00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:57,332 to know that I would screw this up for you. 267 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:59,469 You have no idea what you've just started, Max. 268 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:01,155 People are going to get hurt, 269 00:09:01,394 --> 00:09:03,441 family members forced to take sides, 270 00:09:03,568 --> 00:09:06,632 innocent brads yelled at and denied sex for weeks! 271 00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:07,819 (Gasps) 272 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,499 Winter is coming. 273 00:09:10,441 --> 00:09:12,603 Well... good luck with that. 274 00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,399 (Gruff voice) - No! - Okay. 275 00:09:14,843 --> 00:09:16,933 You are gonna help me fix this. 276 00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:17,879 Me? (Screeches) 277 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,352 Okay! I'll clean up your mess. 278 00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:23,279 (Breathing heavily) I'd still like that apology. 279 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:24,539 (High-pitched voice) Aah! 280 00:09:24,652 --> 00:09:25,963 Fair enough. 281 00:09:27,058 --> 00:09:29,343 Penny, this isn't gonna work. The truck is gone. 282 00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:31,089 Plus the flyer's kinda misleading. 283 00:09:31,188 --> 00:09:33,452 Looks like I'm the one that's lost, not the truck. 284 00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,384 No, it doesn't. 285 00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:37,215 Hey. I found your lost guy. 286 00:09:37,305 --> 00:09:40,234 No, the guy is not lost. The truck is lost. 287 00:09:40,341 --> 00:09:42,587 You know, your flyer's kind of misleading. 288 00:09:42,692 --> 00:09:45,203 (Clenched teeth) - Told you. - So about the reward-- 289 00:09:45,305 --> 00:09:47,819 The reward is for the truck. (Truck's horn sounds) 290 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,616 Whoa. Wait a minute. You know what-- you know what that is? 291 00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:51,541 - Oh! Oh! Okay! Whoa! - You know what that is? You know what that is? 292 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,256 - Is that what I think it is?! - Whoa! 293 00:09:54,342 --> 00:09:55,101 (Gasps) My truck! 294 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:57,051 Some guy is selling sandwiches out of your truck! 295 00:09:57,146 --> 00:09:58,664 Son of a bitch! (Hisses) 296 00:09:58,802 --> 00:10:00,254 Look at how busy he is! (Scoffs) 297 00:10:00,346 --> 00:10:01,144 Hey. 298 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,673 I found your lost truck. 299 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:07,146 Okay, you guys are in a stupid lady fight. 300 00:10:07,264 --> 00:10:08,889 We get it. You're ladies. 301 00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:11,100 Your brains are tiny and filled with eggs. 302 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,345 Let's just move on. 303 00:10:12,431 --> 00:10:14,430 What my pear-shaped colleague is trying to say-- 304 00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:16,718 Whoa. "Pear-shaped"? I just bought a medicine ball. 305 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,324 You two are sisters, okay? 306 00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:19,650 You've shared so many good times, 307 00:10:19,765 --> 00:10:22,422 like that summer at the lake in high school. Remember that? 308 00:10:23,395 --> 00:10:26,308 (Sighs) Ohh. Yeah. (Chuckles) 309 00:10:26,409 --> 00:10:27,276 Yeah! (Taps tabletop) 310 00:10:27,364 --> 00:10:28,649 Good times! 311 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,357 - Yeah, yeah, yeah... - Till I was grounded 312 00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:32,171 because Alex ratted me out for smoking cloves. 313 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,241 I am not a rat! 314 00:10:33,351 --> 00:10:35,525 Mom knew you were smoking 'cause you smelt like an ashtray 315 00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:37,070 and your voice was deeper than dad's. 316 00:10:37,175 --> 00:10:38,807 (Deep voice) - You shut up! - There it is. 317 00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:40,929 Guys, come on. You're adults, okay? 318 00:10:41,044 --> 00:10:42,859 Can't you just talk this out? 319 00:10:43,492 --> 00:10:45,322 (Indistinct conversations) 320 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,897 - Yes. Yes. Yeah, talk it right out. (Max) - Thank you. (Speaks indistinctly) 321 00:10:49,005 --> 00:10:50,831 - Okay, I'm prepared, too. - Where did you get that from?! 322 00:10:50,948 --> 00:10:52,302 - Ohh! - I'm prepared, girl! 323 00:10:52,421 --> 00:10:54,096 - Bring it! - We can talk-- - Oh, I will bring it! 324 00:10:54,193 --> 00:10:55,967 I will! I'm gonna bring it! (Max speaking indistinctly) 325 00:10:56,231 --> 00:10:57,594 Come on, lady! Bring it! 326 00:10:57,731 --> 00:10:59,910 - And I'm gonna end you! - Whoa! 327 00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:01,530 She's making nunchakus! Abort! 328 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:02,798 Aah! (All shouting at once) 329 00:11:02,885 --> 00:11:04,243 - Whoa! Whoa! Separate 'em! - Ow! 330 00:11:04,339 --> 00:11:06,732 (All shouting at same time) 331 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,098 You were adopted! 332 00:11:08,182 --> 00:11:09,634 You were born a man! 333 00:11:11,284 --> 00:11:12,817 Can you believe this?! 334 00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:13,892 (Mouth full) I know! 335 00:11:13,976 --> 00:11:16,310 This is the best steak sandwich I've ever had! 336 00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:17,555 Wait. You went over there, 337 00:11:17,657 --> 00:11:19,137 face-to-face with the guy who stole your truck, 338 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,773 and you bought a sandwich from him? 339 00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:22,074 No. No. 340 00:11:22,197 --> 00:11:23,345 No, I bought two. 341 00:11:23,442 --> 00:11:24,222 What?! 342 00:11:24,311 --> 00:11:26,154 Pen, I have been struggling to create a sando 343 00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:27,620 that'll get people excited. 344 00:11:27,762 --> 00:11:29,149 Well, this guy did it! 345 00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:31,277 And the truck is killing on Twitter and Yelp. 346 00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:33,148 Look. "Amazing sandwiches." 347 00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,446 "My new favorite truck." 348 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,029 "Davey, don't go to salad bars. I saw something on the news." 349 00:11:37,123 --> 00:11:38,698 All right, that's another one from my mom, 350 00:11:38,806 --> 00:11:39,628 but you get the point. 351 00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:40,846 Well, she's right about the salad bars. 352 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:43,133 Hobos eat out of those things with their own silverware. 353 00:11:43,247 --> 00:11:45,987 But, Dave, this jerk stole your truck, 354 00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:48,257 and now by some miracle we have found it. 355 00:11:48,392 --> 00:11:50,584 It is obvious what we have to do-- 356 00:11:50,704 --> 00:11:53,472 - take back the truck. - Eat these sandwiches till we figure out the recipe. 357 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,629 No, you're right. Yeah. Take back the truck. 358 00:11:59,298 --> 00:12:00,541 What are we gonna do, man? 359 00:12:00,738 --> 00:12:01,867 If Jane and Alex keep fighting like this, 360 00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:04,441 someone's gonna get killed. They'll end up in prison. 361 00:12:04,577 --> 00:12:06,297 Illinois doesn't allow conjugal visits! 362 00:12:06,406 --> 00:12:07,121 The best I'll do is 363 00:12:07,229 --> 00:12:09,388 Jane spitting on my neck through a chain-link fence. 364 00:12:09,507 --> 00:12:10,581 You could do worse. (Screeches) 365 00:12:10,668 --> 00:12:11,644 All right! Fine, fine, fine, fine! 366 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,668 How did their first fight end? 367 00:12:14,028 --> 00:12:15,591 (Strained voice) I don't know. 368 00:12:16,185 --> 00:12:17,413 (Inhales deeply) I called Jane's parents, 369 00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:19,117 but they're on a Fox News cruise. 370 00:12:19,246 --> 00:12:21,649 Right now they're dolphin hunting with Geraldo Rivera. 371 00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,591 Wait. Jane's in charge 372 00:12:23,703 --> 00:12:25,680 of all the Kerkovich family photos and stuff. 373 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:27,129 She keeps them in a storage unit. 374 00:12:27,229 --> 00:12:29,093 Great! To the Max Mobile! 375 00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:30,569 By which, of course, I mean your Prius, 376 00:12:30,675 --> 00:12:31,722 which I sometimes sleep in. 377 00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:35,036 That's so sad. 378 00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:37,740 Ah! Hee! (Groans) 379 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:42,648 (Sighs) Ah, stupid flashlight! Why you so stupid all the time? 380 00:12:42,809 --> 00:12:44,681 (Max) You know I almost lived in one of these? 381 00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:47,628 Then I found an abandoned tugboat, and it was way cheaper. 382 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,598 Great story, Max. Great. 383 00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,500 (High-pitched voice) Aah! Aah! 384 00:12:52,628 --> 00:12:54,995 He got me! Help me! Help me, Oprah! 385 00:12:55,111 --> 00:12:57,192 (Click) Help me! Aah! 386 00:12:57,748 --> 00:13:00,125 Dude, it's you. 387 00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:03,023 It is me. 388 00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:04,928 (Fabric rustling) 389 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,362 And he's anatomically correct. 390 00:13:07,582 --> 00:13:08,749 Why would Jane have one of these? 391 00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:10,484 I don't know, and I don't want to talk about it. 392 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,165 Really? 'Cause it is all I wanna talk about. 393 00:13:13,283 --> 00:13:14,417 Can we just do what we came here to do, man? 394 00:13:14,521 --> 00:13:15,809 Yes. Sorry. 395 00:13:16,798 --> 00:13:18,043 Stop looking at him. 396 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,859 Okay, the incident happened in 1993. 397 00:13:21,048 --> 00:13:22,952 This place is so organized. 398 00:13:23,073 --> 00:13:24,135 It's totally taking the fun out 399 00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,126 of searching through a creepy storage space. 400 00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:27,978 Less yappin' and more findin', brah. 401 00:13:28,102 --> 00:13:29,005 Mm-hmm. 402 00:13:29,301 --> 00:13:32,177 ♪ We will find what we're looking for ♪ 403 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:33,940 ♪ before we get to the door ♪ 404 00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,686 - ♪ we will find-- ♪ - Uhh! 405 00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:38,847 Cool. 406 00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:41,041 It's one of Alex's fourth grade book reports. 407 00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,431 _ 408 00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:43,994 Yeah, she dumb. 409 00:13:44,661 --> 00:13:45,663 Oh! 410 00:13:46,145 --> 00:13:47,126 Look. 411 00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,029 Articles from their neighborhood paper. 412 00:13:49,158 --> 00:13:50,248 What? Yes! 413 00:13:50,418 --> 00:13:51,629 Sweet. Okay. 414 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,431 "Sisters fight in grocery store"? No. 415 00:13:54,524 --> 00:13:56,272 "Sisters cause traffic hazard." 416 00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:59,171 "Sisters burn down family garage"? 417 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,010 I gotta tell ya, I don't know what is more disturbing-- 418 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,497 how much chaos Alex and Jane have caused 419 00:14:02,626 --> 00:14:05,138 or how much attention this paper paid to two little girls. 420 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,752 Oh! "Sisters make peace." 421 00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:09,730 Yes! That's it. 422 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,805 Jackpotty. 423 00:14:11,214 --> 00:14:12,934 Now come on. The block party starts in 12 hours. 424 00:14:13,043 --> 00:14:14,129 - They'll both be there. - Yeah. 425 00:14:14,258 --> 00:14:15,050 Yeah. 426 00:14:15,156 --> 00:14:17,710 Hey, why does this thing have a motor on the back? 427 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:19,627 (High-pitched voice) I don't want to talk about it, man! 428 00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:25,797 Thanks. Come again. 429 00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:29,217 More like don't come again, 'cause this guy's a dirty crook! 430 00:14:29,362 --> 00:14:30,456 I mean, please come again 431 00:14:30,555 --> 00:14:32,777 once we restore this truck to its rightful owner. 432 00:14:32,907 --> 00:14:35,279 Appreciate your biz. Okay, bye! 433 00:14:35,387 --> 00:14:36,329 (Normal voice) You stole Dave's truck! 434 00:14:36,429 --> 00:14:37,927 Yeah, my truck! 435 00:14:38,037 --> 00:14:38,991 Although, that being said, 436 00:14:39,094 --> 00:14:40,682 your cooking has this playfulness. 437 00:14:40,786 --> 00:14:42,616 I mean, I-I just can't stop smiling. 438 00:14:42,705 --> 00:14:43,783 David, focus! 439 00:14:43,893 --> 00:14:45,964 (Chuckles) I don't know what you guys are talking about. 440 00:14:46,069 --> 00:14:47,176 This is my truck! 441 00:14:47,306 --> 00:14:49,416 That's my sink, this is my grill, 442 00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:52,115 these are my pictures of you... crap! 443 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:52,941 How did you think 444 00:14:53,041 --> 00:14:54,834 you were gonna get away with stealing Dave's truck 445 00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:57,975 and then serving sandwiches out of it in the same neighborhood? 446 00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:00,157 I didn't think. I just felt. 447 00:15:00,322 --> 00:15:02,942 Meat is an instrument, and I wanted to play it, 448 00:15:03,059 --> 00:15:06,480 so I did, 'cause I live my life like jazz. 449 00:15:06,578 --> 00:15:08,224 Right on, man. 450 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,053 You disgust me. We're calling the cops. 451 00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,975 Yeah! Unless... 452 00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:13,500 you give me the recipe. 453 00:15:13,597 --> 00:15:14,898 Yeah! Wait. What?! 454 00:15:14,991 --> 00:15:16,674 I need those sandos, Penny. 455 00:15:16,795 --> 00:15:18,120 Okay. Sure. (Chuckles) 456 00:15:18,289 --> 00:15:19,501 I basically just used 457 00:15:19,608 --> 00:15:21,656 the dry rub you already had in the truck... 458 00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:25,298 plus... one secret ingredient. 459 00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,485 Love. 460 00:15:28,051 --> 00:15:31,273 Of course, you beautiful bastard! Love! 461 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,693 I was so focused on my success and reviews, 462 00:15:33,810 --> 00:15:35,453 I completely forgot about the craft. (Gasps) 463 00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:37,803 I literally make love to the meat. 464 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,791 M'kay. 465 00:15:39,882 --> 00:15:41,732 (Lowered voice) We're definitely calling the cops now, man. 466 00:15:44,701 --> 00:15:45,871 I'll never forget you, Dave! 467 00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:46,850 (Woman screams) 468 00:15:46,964 --> 00:15:48,782 (Man) No! Oh, never! Never! 469 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,499 Mm, you gotta admire his passion. 470 00:15:50,588 --> 00:15:51,980 And his little rat butt. 471 00:15:52,763 --> 00:15:55,260 Hey. Where's Jane and Alex? 472 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,205 Okay, you'd better hurry. 473 00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:57,374 They're over there and they're gettin' louder. 474 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,178 I just heard the phrase "from your V to your A." 475 00:15:59,285 --> 00:16:00,437 - Are you kidding me right now?! - Not even a little bit. 476 00:16:00,546 --> 00:16:02,979 What?! You gave me a serious addiction to candy cigarettes. 477 00:16:03,077 --> 00:16:05,186 You broke my Bob Dole action figure! 478 00:16:05,286 --> 00:16:07,144 (Max) Hear me, Kerkoviches! 479 00:16:07,893 --> 00:16:11,080 This ends... (Whispers) now! 480 00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:12,690 Uh, where did you get those? 481 00:16:12,825 --> 00:16:13,677 From her. 482 00:16:13,775 --> 00:16:17,371 (Eastern European folk music plays) 483 00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,180 (Gasps) - Nana! (Gasps) - Nana! 484 00:16:19,409 --> 00:16:20,524 She's still alive? 485 00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:22,246 Yeah, Kerkovich women have good genes. 486 00:16:22,358 --> 00:16:24,160 If they don't die in a war or a turnip famine, 487 00:16:24,261 --> 00:16:25,539 they live forever. 488 00:16:26,723 --> 00:16:30,044 Sestra... ples. 489 00:16:31,004 --> 00:16:31,770 Nana. (Kisses) 490 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,099 - Nana. (Max whispers) - Oh, God. 491 00:16:33,215 --> 00:16:34,425 (Jane and Alex) Mm. 492 00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:35,805 (Gasps) 493 00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:39,177 What is going on? 494 00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:41,160 Well, apparently, the last time they fought like this... 495 00:16:41,275 --> 00:16:42,282 (Whispers) The incident. 496 00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:43,381 ...Nana said that they brought shame 497 00:16:43,497 --> 00:16:45,426 onto the entire Kerkovich family. 498 00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:47,080 She said Kerkoviches fight Croats, 499 00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:49,830 Turks, Albanians, and non-like-minded Christians, 500 00:16:49,945 --> 00:16:51,588 - but never each other. - You know, I was surprised 501 00:16:51,697 --> 00:16:53,631 - to find that quote in the newspaper. - Me, too. 502 00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:57,912 Anyway, then Nana made Jane and Alex do sestra ples. 503 00:16:58,015 --> 00:16:59,183 What is that? 504 00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:01,164 ♪ 505 00:17:03,091 --> 00:17:04,600 - The sister dance. - The sister dance. 506 00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:05,706 (Woman cheering) They're dancing without me? 507 00:17:05,813 --> 00:17:07,441 (Brad) - Ugh! (Max) - Seriously? 508 00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:09,252 ♪ 509 00:17:09,537 --> 00:17:10,574 (Crowd) Ohh! 510 00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:19,118 Ohh! 511 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,110 It's not working. 512 00:17:26,566 --> 00:17:29,063 No. Let them dance. 513 00:17:39,502 --> 00:17:41,636 ♪ 514 00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:44,003 (Cheers and applause) 515 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:45,288 (Brad) Wait. They're smiling. 516 00:17:45,909 --> 00:17:47,888 (Rhythmic clapping) They're having fun! 517 00:17:49,955 --> 00:17:51,371 They're not fighting anymore. 518 00:17:51,465 --> 00:17:52,573 Aw! 519 00:17:57,604 --> 00:17:58,931 (Max and Brad) Hup! Hup! Hup! 520 00:17:59,206 --> 00:18:00,686 Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! 521 00:18:05,983 --> 00:18:07,708 (Applause) 522 00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:08,558 Ahh. I'm sorry. 523 00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:09,943 Me, too. (Laughs) (Laughs) 524 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,999 (Both sigh) 525 00:18:14,097 --> 00:18:16,106 Well, I'll be damned. It worked! 526 00:18:16,202 --> 00:18:18,288 (Chuckles) Of course. 527 00:18:18,385 --> 00:18:21,953 The dance reminded them that they are sisters. 528 00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:24,523 They are Serbians. 529 00:18:24,665 --> 00:18:26,813 They are members of the master race 530 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:30,183 that will one day bathe in the blood of the-- 531 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,603 Okay, Nana. All right. That's enough. 532 00:18:32,718 --> 00:18:34,895 I could've sworn I was at her funeral. 533 00:18:35,091 --> 00:18:36,962 It was an open casket! 534 00:18:37,404 --> 00:18:38,552 (Sighs) Yay! 535 00:18:38,664 --> 00:18:39,841 (Dave) Yeah! 536 00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:42,585 Master plan! 537 00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:44,842 Girl! That's... 538 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:47,394 (Mutters) sestra ples. 539 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:54,178 So... elephant in the room, um... 540 00:18:54,302 --> 00:18:56,707 why do you have a life-size dummy of me again? 541 00:18:57,064 --> 00:18:59,194 Well, you were traveling a lot on business, 542 00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:01,743 - and I was watching a ton of Nancy Grace... - Mm-hmm. 543 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:04,789 ...so I made this guy to make it seem like you were home. 544 00:19:05,307 --> 00:19:06,969 - Oh. - Yeah. 545 00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:08,927 (Clicks button) (Brad's voice, haltingly) I am home now. 546 00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,014 We are eating broccoli and dinner. 547 00:19:11,096 --> 00:19:12,398 Time to watch sport game. 548 00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:14,504 Go, home team! 549 00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:15,988 (Chuckles) Oh. 550 00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:17,261 I get it. That makes more sense. 551 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,680 - Yeah. - It's just for security. 552 00:19:18,779 --> 00:19:19,862 - Yeah. (Laughs) - Yeah. 553 00:19:19,982 --> 00:19:21,480 You are my everything. 554 00:19:21,605 --> 00:19:24,035 You look good with short hair or long hair. 555 00:19:24,219 --> 00:19:25,093 Wait a minute. 556 00:19:25,194 --> 00:19:26,521 Way to keep it tight, girl. 557 00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,425 "Keep it tight, girl"? How does he know it's tight? 558 00:19:28,526 --> 00:19:30,639 - What? - Um, emotional security 559 00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,853 is just as important as physical security. 560 00:19:32,979 --> 00:19:35,568 You are right. I am wrong. 561 00:19:35,683 --> 00:19:38,567 I am wrong. I am wrong. 562 00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:41,658 - I am always wrong. - Mmm! Mmm, mmm! 563 00:19:41,771 --> 00:19:45,608 Music to my ding dang dong ears. 564 00:19:45,711 --> 00:19:46,796 I am wrong. 565 00:19:47,495 --> 00:19:50,026 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com | sync to web-dl by aneurysm