1
00:00:00,248 --> 00:00:02,803
Living with your parents
2
00:00:02,804 --> 00:00:04,372
also means your parents
are your roommates,
3
00:00:04,373 --> 00:00:05,773
but not the good kind who stays
at her boyfriend's every night
4
00:00:05,774 --> 00:00:08,376
and doesn't keep track
of her expensive shampoo.
5
00:00:08,377 --> 00:00:11,679
More like the annoying kind
who eat your food...
6
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,749
Borrow your jewelry
without asking...
7
00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:17,184
And watch TV in the one TV area
that we all agreed
8
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,420
would be my TV area.
9
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:22,290
Guys, guys, how many different
ways can I say the same thing?
10
00:00:22,291 --> 00:00:23,291
What are you doing in here?
And you know what?
11
00:00:23,292 --> 00:00:25,293
Talk at the same time.
12
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:27,395
Well, it's closer to our bedroom... the
remote control in our area's too complicated,
13
00:00:27,429 --> 00:00:29,563
and nowadays you can't turn on by hand...
And that one plays the music really loud,
14
00:00:29,564 --> 00:00:31,399
but you can't hear the dialogue. 'Cause
there's no buttons on the TVs today.
15
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:32,700
I humbly acknowledge
that this is your house
16
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:34,168
and that you are letting me
live here
17
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,670
out of the goodness of your heart,
18
00:00:35,704 --> 00:00:38,472
but I need to have some,
you know, sovereignty.
19
00:00:38,507 --> 00:00:41,609
Good word.
Smart... and pretty.
20
00:00:41,643 --> 00:00:43,585
I need to feel
like there is one place
21
00:00:43,612 --> 00:00:45,613
that is mine where I can relax
and watch TV.
22
00:00:45,614 --> 00:00:48,149
I need to feel like
I've got my clothes, my food,
23
00:00:48,150 --> 00:00:50,051
my bathroom.
24
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,219
You know, she wouldn't be
so keen on that bathroom
25
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,955
if she'd known
Freddy hung himself there.
26
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:55,089
Don't. You know what I mean?
27
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:56,441
Okay, Polly, here's the thing.
28
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I think we got into the habit
29
00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,795
of sitting here when we bought
this house with our own money
30
00:01:00,796 --> 00:01:03,230
and lived in it
for the last 15 years.
31
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,398
You know what?
Rational arguments
32
00:01:04,399 --> 00:01:07,401
are not gonna work with me,
because I am the child.
33
00:01:07,436 --> 00:01:08,669
Hey. And the whole
point of being the child
34
00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:10,471
is your feelings and needs
don't have to make sense.
35
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They just have to be addressed.
36
00:01:13,175 --> 00:01:16,143
Okay, honey, we get it.
You need a little bit
37
00:01:16,178 --> 00:01:17,845
of Polly space, and, you know,
that's cool.
38
00:01:17,846 --> 00:01:19,380
That's totally cool.
39
00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:23,417
You know, don't even give it
a second thought.
40
00:01:23,452 --> 00:01:25,519
Hmm, but... that's not...
41
00:01:25,554 --> 00:01:27,455
You mean tonight?
Mm.
42
00:01:27,456 --> 00:01:29,590
Oh, I'm not leaving tonight.
No, I just put my feet up.
43
00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:32,134
I'm not ready for this. Settle in. My ass
and this couch are making love right now.
44
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,061
Hmm.
45
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,015
My wontons.
46
00:01:38,016 --> 00:01:41,759
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
47
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,772
That is a lot
of balsamic vinegar.
48
00:01:44,806 --> 00:01:47,908
Oh, crap. I thought
it was a cheap bargain Pinot.
49
00:01:50,879 --> 00:01:52,046
Was that a sigh?
50
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,215
I'm going nowhere, Elaine.
51
00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:55,883
I mean, I live
in this small apartment.
52
00:01:55,884 --> 00:01:58,185
I'm dating this great girl
who I can't even afford
53
00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,286
to take out to dinner.
54
00:01:59,321 --> 00:02:00,721
I get no respect at my job.
55
00:02:00,722 --> 00:02:03,190
- Yogurt!
- You suck, loser!
56
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,235
Aah!
57
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:08,029
What? What?
I'm sorry.
58
00:02:08,030 --> 00:02:10,364
It makes me nervous when
other people get upset,
59
00:02:10,399 --> 00:02:12,166
and I have
this compulsive laughing.
60
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:14,969
It's... it's one of my failings
as a life coach.
61
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:17,538
Yeah.
Look, do not give up hope.
62
00:02:17,539 --> 00:02:20,241
Do you hear me?
Do not give up your dreams.
63
00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:24,145
I know. Just, sometimes they
seem pretty far away.
64
00:02:24,179 --> 00:02:27,481
You idolize Max, right?
65
00:02:27,516 --> 00:02:29,583
Once I had a dream
that he gave birth to me.
66
00:02:29,618 --> 00:02:31,652
Ahh.
67
00:02:31,653 --> 00:02:35,056
Well, he wasn't always
the successful comedy club owner
68
00:02:35,057 --> 00:02:36,657
that you see today.
69
00:02:36,691 --> 00:02:38,526
No, no.
Max came from nothing.
70
00:02:38,527 --> 00:02:42,096
When he was growing up, he took
whatever job came his way,
71
00:02:42,097 --> 00:02:43,931
no matter how demeaning.
72
00:02:43,932 --> 00:02:46,033
At one point, he found work
cleaning toilets
73
00:02:46,034 --> 00:02:48,702
at a plumbing supply store.
The ones they were selling?
74
00:02:48,737 --> 00:02:51,272
What? The ones that they were selling
or the ones the employees used?
75
00:02:51,306 --> 00:02:53,874
What?
Doesn't matter. Go on.
76
00:02:53,909 --> 00:02:56,444
I found my mom
eating my fried rice,
77
00:02:56,478 --> 00:02:57,845
and when I confronted her,
she countered
78
00:02:57,879 --> 00:02:59,046
with an ancient proverb
about community,
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00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:02,116
which successfully made me
lose focus and give up.
80
00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:03,184
I assume that you've talked to them
81
00:03:03,185 --> 00:03:04,952
about respecting your space.
82
00:03:04,953 --> 00:03:06,053
I've talked.
I've pleaded. I've cajoled.
83
00:03:06,054 --> 00:03:08,489
I've used the magnet poetry
on the fridge.
84
00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,724
How can they collect rent
85
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:13,427
and still treat you
like it's their house?
86
00:03:13,462 --> 00:03:16,297
I mean, you know,
it's a little easier for them
87
00:03:16,298 --> 00:03:19,900
because, um, I don't exactly
pay... that word.
88
00:03:23,705 --> 00:03:24,905
Yeah.
89
00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:28,275
Anyway, he had a dream
of becoming an actor.
90
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,878
He wanted to get
into H.B. studios so bad,
91
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:32,613
he did everything he could.
92
00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:35,149
He slept backstage
at the playhouse,
93
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:38,152
cleaned the basement to pay
for his acting classes.
94
00:03:38,153 --> 00:03:40,654
He may have even done
some homosexual stuff,
95
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:42,990
but, yeah, it was a different time.
96
00:03:42,991 --> 00:03:45,826
But he never gave up,
97
00:03:45,861 --> 00:03:47,686
and neither should you.
98
00:03:48,964 --> 00:03:51,332
You know, I have a dream.
Oh?
99
00:03:51,366 --> 00:03:54,335
Yeah. I wanna
open a zombie survivor fantasy camp.
100
00:03:54,369 --> 00:03:56,210
Imagine you're
being chased by zombies.
101
00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:58,272
Zombies are coming after you.
102
00:03:58,306 --> 00:03:59,607
It's a life or death struggle...
103
00:03:59,608 --> 00:04:00,741
Sure.
And maybe some lunch, okay?
104
00:04:00,775 --> 00:04:02,776
Right when you sit down to eat,
105
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,678
you think everything's
all right, we attack again.
106
00:04:04,713 --> 00:04:07,314
Oh, see,
now I would go to that.
107
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,984
I think that is
a fantastic and brilliant idea.
108
00:04:10,018 --> 00:04:11,185
Yeah, it is.
Mm-hmm.
109
00:04:11,186 --> 00:04:12,586
I should just go for it.
110
00:04:12,621 --> 00:04:14,421
Whatever it takes, just like Max.
111
00:04:14,456 --> 00:04:17,424
Yeah. Yeah.
112
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:18,759
What was the plan here?
113
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:21,362
I'm not sure.
114
00:04:21,396 --> 00:04:22,863
You're living there for free?
115
00:04:22,898 --> 00:04:24,899
You know why they're treating
you like a houseguest?
116
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:28,002
Because you're a houseguest.
Now I'm worked up.
117
00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:29,803
You are never gonna have
any say in your house
118
00:04:29,804 --> 00:04:32,439
until you start coughing up
some rent.
119
00:04:32,474 --> 00:04:33,641
I have some money in the bank,
120
00:04:33,642 --> 00:04:35,176
but things are always pretty tight.
121
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:37,678
Is there another position here
where I can make more money
122
00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:39,513
but somehow have, like, less work?
123
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:42,116
Like... Vice President
of chocolates.
124
00:04:42,184 --> 00:04:45,085
You know you're... literally
the worst employee, right?
125
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,021
Oh.
126
00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:50,324
If you want, my friend Eli
is an artist.
127
00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:54,662
He pays women 1,000 bucks
to paint them... in the nude.
128
00:04:54,696 --> 00:04:57,598
Seriously?
Ew. Yeah. No.
129
00:04:57,632 --> 00:04:58,966
I don't think
we're quite there yet.
130
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:00,100
But thank you.
131
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:02,870
I'm not saying
that mama ain't fine.
132
00:05:02,904 --> 00:05:04,772
Please don't refer to yourself
as "mama."
133
00:05:04,806 --> 00:05:06,040
Mm.
134
00:05:06,074 --> 00:05:09,343
A couple people just walked out.
135
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,212
Coincidentally,
I wasn't the only one
136
00:05:11,246 --> 00:05:13,180
trying to improve their situation.
137
00:05:13,181 --> 00:05:16,417
So if you like it,
you can sublet it from me,
138
00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:18,752
and that way, you don't have
to pay the security deposit.
139
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:23,390
No. No security deposit.
140
00:05:23,425 --> 00:05:25,559
No securite?
141
00:05:25,594 --> 00:05:27,027
No, no, not that kind of security.
142
00:05:27,028 --> 00:05:29,930
We have that...
This is frustrating.
143
00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:31,565
Either of you speak any English?
144
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,101
Un petit peu,
comme "real housewives,"
145
00:05:34,135 --> 00:05:37,037
Tim Tebow, Obamacare.
146
00:05:37,072 --> 00:05:40,757
- Right. This just isn't gonna work.
- Um...
147
00:05:52,053 --> 00:05:54,588
C'est tres bien, merci, huh?
Okay.
148
00:05:54,589 --> 00:05:55,756
So annoying.
149
00:05:58,560 --> 00:05:59,994
Oh, come on!
150
00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:01,362
Hey.
In our defense,
151
00:06:01,363 --> 00:06:02,896
we were gonna race outta here
152
00:06:02,897 --> 00:06:04,665
the minute we heard your car
in the driveway. This is true.
153
00:06:04,666 --> 00:06:06,734
And then we thought, you know, why
should we? We... we didn't hear anything.
154
00:06:06,735 --> 00:06:08,002
And now you're caught up.
155
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:09,770
Okay, obviously, it is
impossible for you to see me
156
00:06:09,838 --> 00:06:11,605
as an equal member
of this household
157
00:06:11,606 --> 00:06:13,407
when I am freeloading
as a permanent guest.
158
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,843
No, we don't think of you...
Ah, bup bup bup bup bup.
159
00:06:15,844 --> 00:06:18,112
Mm. That is why
I've made up my mind.
160
00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:21,682
You guys kindly took me in
during a very difficult time.
161
00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:23,117
I got a job now.
I'm making a little money,
162
00:06:23,118 --> 00:06:26,253
and it is time for me to stand
on my own two feet.
163
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:29,923
I... am gonna start
contributing to the rent.
164
00:06:29,958 --> 00:06:32,159
It's a bit.
She's doing a bit.
165
00:06:32,193 --> 00:06:34,261
That's hysterical.
166
00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:37,564
What? Honey, you don't...
You don't have any money.
167
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,366
Yeah, I kinda do.
A lot of it, actually.
168
00:06:39,401 --> 00:06:42,569
No, you don't.
You know that, right? Ah...
169
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,871
We've been putting some,
you know, shekels
170
00:06:43,872 --> 00:06:46,073
into your bank account
to keep you afloat.
171
00:06:46,107 --> 00:06:48,075
What? Wait. What?
What?
172
00:06:48,076 --> 00:06:49,076
Not that much.
A stipend.
173
00:06:49,077 --> 00:06:50,141
Like $200 a month.
$300, tops.
174
00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:51,145
How much?
175
00:06:51,146 --> 00:06:52,279
500 bucks.
$525.
176
00:06:52,314 --> 00:06:54,315
You have... you have been
putting secret money
177
00:06:54,316 --> 00:06:55,683
into my bank account?
178
00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:57,051
It's not secret.
Yeah.
179
00:06:57,052 --> 00:06:58,185
In no scenario did I ever think
180
00:06:58,186 --> 00:07:00,354
that you didn't know
what was happening.
181
00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:02,964
All the information
is readily available online.
182
00:07:02,991 --> 00:07:06,360
Don't you get a little surprised
when you look at your balance?
183
00:07:06,361 --> 00:07:08,395
"Oh, it's just going up."
I can't tell you...
184
00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:11,065
I-I just thought that I was
very good with money.
185
00:07:11,099 --> 00:07:12,900
Well, that, in and of itself,
is chilling.
186
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:15,736
This cannot stand. I mean,
I'm not some charity case.
187
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:17,371
Charity starts at home.
188
00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:19,239
Oh, my God.
Is that how you see this?
189
00:07:19,274 --> 00:07:21,356
Well, that sounds bad,
and I want you guys
190
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,543
to think I'm awesome.
191
00:07:22,544 --> 00:07:23,644
I mean, I guess
the only way to do that
192
00:07:23,645 --> 00:07:24,778
is if I pay you back every penny,
193
00:07:24,779 --> 00:07:27,655
like maybe I should
get a second job.
194
00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:30,751
Well, we are down
a waitress at the club. Yeah.
195
00:07:30,785 --> 00:07:34,388
Boom.
Did that when I was younger.
196
00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:35,689
Was super okay at it.
Watch this.
197
00:07:35,690 --> 00:07:38,959
Check out this tray action.
Oh, look.
198
00:07:38,993 --> 00:07:40,527
I'm carrying it.
I'm walking. Oh, oh.
199
00:07:40,562 --> 00:07:42,830
What's happening?
Switching hands. Under the leg.
200
00:07:42,831 --> 00:07:44,932
Around the world.
Look at that.
201
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:46,333
Look at the fire in her eyes,
Elaine, huh?
202
00:07:46,368 --> 00:07:48,402
She's becoming self-actualized.
203
00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:50,637
This passion reminds me of one
of my life coaching clients.
204
00:07:50,672 --> 00:07:52,506
She made it big in a ponzi scheme,
205
00:07:52,507 --> 00:07:56,343
and then she was murdered
by her husband.
206
00:07:56,378 --> 00:07:58,245
Rabbi Bernard.
Yeah.
207
00:07:58,246 --> 00:07:59,413
Still in jail.
208
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:00,881
What?
209
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,078
Oh... excuse me?
210
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:12,748
I-I only wanted a quarter-pound.
211
00:08:13,850 --> 00:08:15,851
I... do not remember
talking to you.
212
00:08:15,852 --> 00:08:18,821
Okay.
Why don't we, uh, get you away
213
00:08:18,855 --> 00:08:22,391
from the motorized razor wheel
there, huh, tired lady?
214
00:08:22,426 --> 00:08:23,959
What has been with you this week?
215
00:08:23,994 --> 00:08:26,228
Sometimes when people
are really tired,
216
00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:28,030
it means they're about to die.
217
00:08:28,031 --> 00:08:30,566
Just saying.
It happened to my aunt.
218
00:08:30,567 --> 00:08:32,468
I made a terrible mistake
listening to the two of you
219
00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:33,969
and insisting that I pay rent.
220
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:37,440
Now I've got two jobs,
and I am Danny Glovering hard.
221
00:08:37,474 --> 00:08:38,507
What is that?
222
00:08:38,508 --> 00:08:40,042
I'm too old for this.
223
00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:43,012
Tried waitressing.
Sucked at it.
224
00:08:43,013 --> 00:08:44,080
Then again...
225
00:08:44,114 --> 00:08:45,481
Oh.
Oh!
226
00:08:45,482 --> 00:08:47,283
This is why
we can't have nice things.
227
00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:50,586
They put me on bartending.
228
00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:55,458
Hey, kev, let me try.
229
00:08:55,459 --> 00:08:56,459
Oh!
230
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,528
Uh...
And I tried emceeing.
231
00:08:59,529 --> 00:09:01,130
And, uh, and now
coming to the stage,
232
00:09:01,131 --> 00:09:05,067
uh, you've seen him on the...
"Tonight show,"
233
00:09:05,068 --> 00:09:08,537
let's get a big round of
applause for Barry berman.
234
00:09:08,572 --> 00:09:12,541
Barry berman. Is Barry there?
235
00:09:14,311 --> 00:09:16,045
No problem. I've seen
"Eddie Murphy delirious,"
236
00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:18,514
like, a million times,
so I got this.
237
00:09:18,548 --> 00:09:21,384
Lly in there.
238
00:09:21,385 --> 00:09:22,885
That is what she said.
239
00:09:22,919 --> 00:09:24,111
Uh...
240
00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:25,121
Hey, you...
241
00:09:25,122 --> 00:09:26,756
Oh.
242
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:27,857
You know what you need to do?
243
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:31,560
Meet a rich older guy
and marry him.
244
00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:32,862
Attempted.
245
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,831
How 'bout I stick
another straw in that smoothie?
246
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,199
All set?
247
00:09:41,037 --> 00:09:43,939
I need two jobs if I'm gonna
pay my parents back
248
00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:46,375
and pay rent, but I seem to lack
the necessary skills
249
00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,344
required for unskilled labor.
250
00:09:48,345 --> 00:09:50,179
Well, you've been at it
for three days.
251
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:52,815
I'm sure you're gonna find
something...
252
00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:54,550
That fits your schedule, that...
253
00:09:54,551 --> 00:09:56,385
Polly?
254
00:09:56,386 --> 00:09:58,154
Polly?
255
00:09:58,155 --> 00:10:00,689
- Polly?
- Provolone!
256
00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:02,291
You know, Polly
is really hanging in there.
257
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:05,628
I've never seen her so
determined to be independent.
258
00:10:05,662 --> 00:10:07,963
She reminds me of a young me.
259
00:10:07,964 --> 00:10:11,000
No, she reminds me of a young me,
260
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,768
which reminds me of the current me,
261
00:10:12,769 --> 00:10:14,670
because I really
haven't changed that much.
262
00:10:14,671 --> 00:10:17,173
Touche.
Mm.
263
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:20,042
Is that smoke coming from
Natalie's playhouse?
264
00:10:22,846 --> 00:10:25,247
Hey, hot link?
265
00:10:25,248 --> 00:10:27,216
I'm gonna kill him.
Oh.
266
00:10:27,217 --> 00:10:30,219
Yikes.
267
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:31,821
Hey.
What are you doing?
268
00:10:31,822 --> 00:10:33,689
I'm just trying to be like you.
269
00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:36,223
How is cooking wieners
in a kid's playhouse
270
00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:37,259
being like me?
271
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:38,794
Hey, look, Elaine told me
272
00:10:38,795 --> 00:10:40,296
how you used to sleep
in the theater
273
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:42,331
to save money for your dreams.
274
00:10:42,332 --> 00:10:43,966
And you did some gay stuff.
275
00:10:45,302 --> 00:10:48,270
Which I could see me
doing down the line. Yeah.
276
00:10:48,271 --> 00:10:49,972
I just gotta get myself set up.
277
00:10:49,973 --> 00:10:52,808
He helped me unload groceries...
That is not an explanation.
278
00:10:52,843 --> 00:10:54,710
Look, I am subletting my apartment
279
00:10:54,744 --> 00:10:56,979
to save money for my dreams.
280
00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:58,667
You have to go.
281
00:10:59,683 --> 00:11:00,716
What is that?
282
00:11:00,717 --> 00:11:02,318
My couscous.
Give me a second.
283
00:11:02,319 --> 00:11:03,686
I gotta get that off the heat.
284
00:11:03,687 --> 00:11:04,787
I don't want it to burn.
285
00:11:04,821 --> 00:11:06,889
Why would you tell him about Chaz?
286
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:09,592
I can't help it if I tell stories,
287
00:11:09,593 --> 00:11:11,627
and it moves people to action.
288
00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:14,663
Isn't that what Jesus did?
289
00:11:14,698 --> 00:11:16,332
Nobody got mad at him.
290
00:11:19,870 --> 00:11:22,037
How is he getting mail here?
291
00:11:22,038 --> 00:11:25,875
Hey, Wendy. Sorry,
I sneezed in the coffee.
292
00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:27,476
Everyone here hates you.
293
00:11:29,412 --> 00:11:30,479
Huh?
294
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,780
You suck at everything.
295
00:11:31,781 --> 00:11:34,383
You only keep your job because
your stepfather owns the club.
296
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:35,518
Um...
297
00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:38,053
Does everyone here
hate me for that reason,
298
00:11:38,054 --> 00:11:39,989
or is there one guy
who acts like he hates me,
299
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,457
but really he's kind of into me?
300
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:42,992
You know, like in a rom-com story,
301
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,660
like Rachel McAdams?
302
00:11:44,694 --> 00:11:46,295
Do you mean the busboy
that listens when you pee?
303
00:11:46,296 --> 00:11:48,197
But I don't think
that's a positive thing.
304
00:11:54,337 --> 00:11:56,005
How we doin'?
305
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:58,274
Um... great.
306
00:11:58,275 --> 00:11:59,708
She is not nice.
307
00:11:59,743 --> 00:12:01,977
Don't worry about her.
She used to be a he.
308
00:12:01,978 --> 00:12:03,612
Yeah.
Do you know what, Polly?
309
00:12:03,613 --> 00:12:04,647
You're doing pretty good.
310
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:05,981
You should be really
proud of yourself,
311
00:12:05,982 --> 00:12:07,182
'cause I'm proud of you.
312
00:12:07,183 --> 00:12:08,450
You've had a tough year, you know?
313
00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:11,287
Between the divorce
and having to uproot Natalie.
314
00:12:11,288 --> 00:12:13,289
Now you're taking a swing
at a second job.
315
00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:16,158
It's not easy. Your courage
has really helped you
316
00:12:16,159 --> 00:12:17,826
rise to the occasion.
317
00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:19,428
You got a lot of guts this week.
318
00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:21,330
You should be proud.
319
00:12:21,331 --> 00:12:25,901
Um, I just have to marry
the ketchups quickly, so...
320
00:12:28,972 --> 00:12:31,206
It's electric.
It's electric.
321
00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:32,808
Oh, mommy.
322
00:12:32,809 --> 00:12:34,176
Oh, hello. What is this?
323
00:12:34,177 --> 00:12:36,912
Oh, jeez.
I don't know what this is
324
00:12:36,913 --> 00:12:39,114
or know what to do with that.
325
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,149
Everybody hates me.
326
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,450
No.
327
00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:42,785
But I can't quit,
328
00:12:42,786 --> 00:12:45,187
because I made such a big stink
about paying my own way,
329
00:12:45,188 --> 00:12:47,990
and now Max keeps looking at me
with pride in his eyes,
330
00:12:47,991 --> 00:12:49,224
and it'd be so much easier
331
00:12:49,225 --> 00:12:51,627
if he was, like, some stupid,
abusive alcoholic
332
00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:52,661
like most stepdads.
333
00:12:52,696 --> 00:12:54,964
That was the guy
I dated before Max. Sorry.
334
00:12:54,998 --> 00:12:57,132
I suck at this.
No.
335
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:59,868
I'm exhausted. I don't
have any energy for Natalie.
336
00:13:01,438 --> 00:13:04,873
Now I'll never know
how Babar gets out of jail.
337
00:13:04,908 --> 00:13:06,175
I don't know what to do.
338
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,143
I mean, I'm trying
to hold down two jobs
339
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,211
and be there for Natalie,
340
00:13:09,212 --> 00:13:11,313
and I'm not doing any of it well.
341
00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:14,683
Once I was in a situation that
I couldn't see any way out of.
342
00:13:14,684 --> 00:13:17,653
Max and I had planned
this big trip to Italy,
343
00:13:17,654 --> 00:13:19,488
and on the day of the trip,
344
00:13:19,489 --> 00:13:21,790
I misplaced the passports.
345
00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:23,826
I knew Max was gonna be furious,
346
00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:25,594
so you wanna know what I did?
347
00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:26,629
Yeah.
348
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:29,331
I faked a nervous breakdown.
349
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:32,868
From your tone at the beginning,
350
00:13:32,869 --> 00:13:36,238
I really thought there was gonna
be usable advice at the end.
351
00:13:41,378 --> 00:13:43,479
Oh, hey.
352
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,048
Um, we need to talk
353
00:13:46,082 --> 00:13:47,850
about you living here.
354
00:13:47,851 --> 00:13:49,685
Oh, yeah?
Mm.
355
00:13:49,686 --> 00:13:50,919
You know,
356
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,023
I have the perfect cheese
for that Gewurztraminer.
357
00:13:59,062 --> 00:14:01,730
Aah! Ow!
358
00:14:01,765 --> 00:14:04,600
That's it.
359
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:05,668
I...
360
00:14:05,669 --> 00:14:07,002
Am done.
361
00:14:14,044 --> 00:14:15,044
Hey, Max.
362
00:14:15,045 --> 00:14:16,412
This is cool, right?
363
00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:17,746
Elaine said it was.
364
00:14:18,882 --> 00:14:21,817
Julian is living at the club
in my office.
365
00:14:21,885 --> 00:14:23,552
Well, you want him
back in the playhouse?
366
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:24,920
I don't want him anywhere.
367
00:14:24,954 --> 00:14:26,455
I was trying to do a nice thing.
368
00:14:26,456 --> 00:14:29,191
Please.
Now I feel stuck.
369
00:14:29,192 --> 00:14:32,061
And I don't know
what you want me to do.
370
00:14:34,931 --> 00:14:36,298
What's the matter?
371
00:14:36,299 --> 00:14:38,901
I can't... I can't...
I can't catch my breath.
372
00:14:38,902 --> 00:14:41,503
Oh, okay. Well... relax.
What is happening?
373
00:14:41,504 --> 00:14:44,006
I don't know
what you want me to do!
374
00:14:44,007 --> 00:14:46,108
I want you to pull yourself
together, woman.
375
00:14:46,142 --> 00:14:47,676
I can't go on!
376
00:14:47,711 --> 00:14:49,645
I can't go on!
I can't go on!
377
00:14:49,646 --> 00:14:52,448
I can't go...
I can't go, uh...
378
00:14:52,482 --> 00:14:54,950
What are you doing?
379
00:14:54,951 --> 00:14:56,752
Having a nervous breakdown.
380
00:14:56,786 --> 00:15:00,322
Uh, I'm... having...
A nervous breakdown.
381
00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:01,824
Oh, this is a low moment.
382
00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:02,858
Yeah, yeah.
383
00:15:02,892 --> 00:15:04,159
Seriously, mom?
384
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,961
Now you're just moochin'
my breakdown?
385
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:07,162
Ladies, do you think I don't know
386
00:15:07,163 --> 00:15:08,497
what a real nervous breakdown is?
387
00:15:08,531 --> 00:15:10,632
When your mother forgot
the passports to Italy,
388
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,634
that was a real nervous breakdown.
389
00:15:16,539 --> 00:15:19,341
Yes.
390
00:15:21,479 --> 00:15:23,046
Look, if you wanted to quit,
391
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,247
you should have just told me.
392
00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:26,149
How could I?
You completely lit up
393
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,084
at the prospect of me
getting my act together.
394
00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,954
I'm just back to being the loser
freeloader...
395
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:33,558
Who cannot seem to label
her food clearly enough.
396
00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:34,724
That is my falafel!
397
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,892
Would you have seen that?
398
00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:38,361
Polly, if you don't
wanna work at the club,
399
00:15:38,362 --> 00:15:39,462
don't work at the club.
It's okay.
400
00:15:39,463 --> 00:15:40,797
You're disappointed.
401
00:15:40,798 --> 00:15:42,499
I'm not disappointed.
I can see it in your face.
402
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,000
I'm not disappointed.
Still see it.
403
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,102
I'm not disappointed.
I'm not.
404
00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:47,971
It's too late.
Message received.
405
00:15:47,972 --> 00:15:49,172
But I am still gonna pay rent.
406
00:15:49,173 --> 00:15:52,309
Somehow, I'm gonna pay
my own way. So...
407
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:53,710
I'm not disappointed.
408
00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:55,288
I'm not.
409
00:15:55,313 --> 00:15:57,280
- You are.
- Little bit.
410
00:15:57,315 --> 00:15:59,449
And everybody senses it.
411
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:02,252
You can't just be
this ominous presence
412
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,921
who frightens people
into neurotic action.
413
00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:08,258
You need to be... a light
414
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:12,395
that illuminates peoples' paths
towards positive action.
415
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,463
What?
416
00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:14,764
I'm sorry.
I gotta write that down,
417
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,167
because I think I just found
the opening to my book.
418
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:18,902
No running!
419
00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:22,706
There was only one way
I could preserve my dignity,
420
00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:25,342
and that was
to take off all my clothes.
421
00:16:25,343 --> 00:16:28,211
So is this degrading
or showing grit?
422
00:16:28,212 --> 00:16:29,311
Funny story someday,
423
00:16:29,312 --> 00:16:30,914
or the beginning
of a cautionary tale
424
00:16:30,915 --> 00:16:34,184
that ends with me doing stuff
to guys for crystal meth?
425
00:16:34,185 --> 00:16:36,619
I'm gonna go with funny story.
426
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:39,255
Oh, dear God.
427
00:16:39,256 --> 00:16:41,091
Yeah, it's not bad. Not bad.
428
00:16:41,092 --> 00:16:44,294
Oy. Hmm. Hmm.
429
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:46,096
Okay.
430
00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:51,534
I'm ready.
431
00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:52,535
Oh!
432
00:16:52,536 --> 00:16:54,004
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
433
00:16:54,038 --> 00:16:55,939
I don't know! What are...
What are you doing?
434
00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:59,042
I paint women in the nude!
What is this? What? I'm nude!
435
00:16:59,076 --> 00:17:03,313
I paint women in the nude!
I'm nude! Who paints in the nude?
436
00:17:03,347 --> 00:17:06,416
Me! I paint in the nude!
Didn't Greg tell you?
437
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,318
No, no, no, he didn't,
and now we're both nude.
438
00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:09,452
I know!
439
00:17:09,453 --> 00:17:11,187
I'm gonna go
get some clothes back on!
440
00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:12,722
I think that's a good idea!
441
00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,927
That's what you get for not
respecting my authority.
442
00:17:17,928 --> 00:17:19,796
Oh, your revenge is to
leave out important details
443
00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:21,831
about artist's eccentric habits?
444
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:22,999
Mm-hmm. Burn.
445
00:17:24,201 --> 00:17:25,735
At least you can pay
your rent for a month.
446
00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:27,203
Yeah, and then what?
447
00:17:27,204 --> 00:17:30,206
I feel like I'm not really
solving the bigger issue here...
448
00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:32,042
What I'm gonna do with my life.
449
00:17:32,043 --> 00:17:34,711
Maybe the answer is not finding
the right second job,
450
00:17:34,712 --> 00:17:36,046
it's finding the right first job.
451
00:17:36,047 --> 00:17:37,781
Eventually. Do not fire me.
452
00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:40,150
Yeah. You wouldn't listen anyway.
453
00:17:40,151 --> 00:17:41,818
I was so motivated back in college
454
00:17:41,819 --> 00:17:43,586
with all my stupid causes.
455
00:17:43,587 --> 00:17:45,855
I just wanted to march
down the halls of the capitol
456
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,892
and lobby a congressman
to stop dumping oil on penguins.
457
00:17:48,926 --> 00:17:51,061
Pelicans. All of them.
All of the birds.
458
00:17:51,062 --> 00:17:53,363
But the people got those jobs
finished college.
459
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,099
I can't afford that.
I can barely afford rent.
460
00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:57,600
I know a guy who'd pay 5 grand
461
00:17:57,635 --> 00:17:58,735
to sleep with a beautiful woman.
462
00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:01,171
Oh, let me guess...
Just sleep, right?
463
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:02,439
No, you'd have to.
464
00:18:02,473 --> 00:18:04,140
Mm, not there yet.
465
00:18:04,141 --> 00:18:06,843
Okay, let's look
at your plan, all right?
466
00:18:06,844 --> 00:18:09,879
You're living in your daughter's
playhouse. Yeah.
467
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,481
And, uh, you're subletting
your apartment,
468
00:18:11,482 --> 00:18:12,882
so that gets you $200 a month.
469
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,617
Minus the $25 I give Natalie.
470
00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:16,052
You pay Natalie $25?
471
00:18:16,087 --> 00:18:17,153
Landlord?
472
00:18:17,188 --> 00:18:18,822
I'm not a mathematician,
473
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:21,024
but it seems more likely
474
00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:24,127
that they'll be
an actual zombie apocalypse
475
00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:26,763
before you even save enough
money to open the camp.
476
00:18:26,797 --> 00:18:29,365
You're right.
Stupid. I'm an idiot.
477
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,900
Don't do that.
Look here's the thing...
478
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,203
You need a business plan,
a home address,
479
00:18:33,204 --> 00:18:35,071
and a steady job.
480
00:18:35,106 --> 00:18:38,141
And if you promise me
that you will never, ever live
481
00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:41,377
anywhere I live... or work,
482
00:18:41,378 --> 00:18:43,480
I will help you out.
483
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:46,583
Okay. Here.
Welcome to the club.
484
00:18:46,617 --> 00:18:49,786
And tell Elaine I lit your path.
485
00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:52,222
And you can work.
Start here tonight.
486
00:18:52,223 --> 00:18:54,175
Section five.
487
00:18:54,191 --> 00:18:55,859
Five. Thank you.
Okay.
488
00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:57,261
Max, thank you so much.
489
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,497
Do you feel better now?
490
00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:01,831
Oh, yeah.
491
00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:03,833
I just doubled the amount
of time I get to see Julian.
492
00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:06,402
Hmm. So I feel like
a million bucks.
493
00:19:06,403 --> 00:19:08,738
Aw, you're a big man.
I love you. Do ya?
494
00:19:08,739 --> 00:19:09,739
Mm.
495
00:19:09,740 --> 00:19:12,175
My rent...
496
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:13,309
For this month.
497
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:14,444
Really?
498
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,779
Which I would like you
to give me back.
499
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:20,216
You really don't understand
how money works, do you?
500
00:19:20,217 --> 00:19:22,285
I would like to use this
501
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,053
to finish college.
502
00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:27,590
But somebody who does that
needs a support system
503
00:19:27,591 --> 00:19:29,926
that provides food
and money and child care.
504
00:19:29,927 --> 00:19:33,129
And instead of that,
I have you guys.
505
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,064
And I'm really lucky, too,
506
00:19:35,065 --> 00:19:38,301
but I'm gonna do something someday
507
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,769
to make you really proud of me,
508
00:19:39,770 --> 00:19:42,772
and me really proud of me.
509
00:19:42,773 --> 00:19:45,108
Okay? I know it's really
a lot to ask.
510
00:19:45,109 --> 00:19:48,511
No. We're all yours.
You know that.
511
00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:49,879
Well, you know, we're mostly yours.
512
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,682
2- or 4-year college?
We'll figure out the ratio.
513
00:19:52,683 --> 00:19:55,485
Thanks, guys. Thank you.
514
00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,752
Ever wonder what it would be like
515
00:20:10,753 --> 00:20:12,320
to live in a...
516
00:20:12,321 --> 00:20:13,688
Well, wonder no more.
517
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:15,223
Here at zombie survivor,
518
00:20:15,224 --> 00:20:18,193
you and your family
learn what it would be like
519
00:20:18,227 --> 00:20:20,862
to fight for your life
against soulless monsters
520
00:20:20,863 --> 00:20:23,430
hell-bent on your destruction.
521
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:24,966
It's great for office parties, too.
522
00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:27,969
And for the little ones,
we've got zombie survivor, Jr.
523
00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:30,038
Brains and a juice box!
524
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:32,941
Book now, and we'll infect
a member of your party
525
00:20:32,942 --> 00:20:36,578
with the same killer virus
that has devastated humanity.
526
00:20:36,579 --> 00:20:39,447
Oh, no! Bob from accounting's
got it! Kill him!
527
00:20:39,482 --> 00:20:41,283
Here they come!
528
00:20:41,284 --> 00:20:43,351
Book your adventure now!
529
00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:49,677
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/