1
00:00:00,028 --> 00:00:01,846
<i>Previously on Awkward...</i>

2
00:00:01,860 --> 00:00:04,199
I'm not good enough for Matty,
and everyone knows it.

3
00:00:04,287 --> 00:00:05,583
Collin?

4
00:00:05,746 --> 00:00:08,047
<i>Was it really possible that
in an alternate universe</i>

5
00:00:08,155 --> 00:00:10,827
<i>Jenna Hamilton was cooler
than Matty McKiben?</i>

6
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,768
You seem a little...
out of his league.

7
00:00:12,852 --> 00:00:14,267
What do you see in me?

8
00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:17,178
<i>It was a magical day.</i>

9
00:00:17,319 --> 00:00:20,731
<i>A day of record. Matty and I had
hit the six month mark of coupledome,</i>

10
00:00:20,833 --> 00:00:23,779
<i>and as such, I was reflecting
on how far we've come,</i>

11
00:00:23,909 --> 00:00:26,047
<i>'cause there was an
evolution to relationships,</i>

12
00:00:26,171 --> 00:00:29,210
<i>and by all accounts, we were
each other's missing link.</i>

13
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,752
<i>For the first time
on a long time,</i>

14
00:00:30,854 --> 00:00:33,245
<i>I had a sense of peace
about the state of our union.</i>

15
00:00:34,232 --> 00:00:36,610
<i>Even our honeymoon
chapter had closed,</i>

16
00:00:36,739 --> 00:00:39,421
<i>gone were the days of copious
public displays of affection...</i>

17
00:00:39,550 --> 00:00:40,831
Go get them, sugar-booger!

18
00:00:40,897 --> 00:00:42,460
I will, my tiny-tiger!

19
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<i>...and all the sorts
of baby-talk.</i>

20
00:00:44,207 --> 00:00:45,907
<i>I definitely didn't
miss those days,</i>

21
00:00:46,055 --> 00:00:48,935
<i>'cause Matty and I were fully
evolved, so much so,</i>

22
00:00:49,075 --> 00:00:51,287
<i>that we didn't even
bypass the era of being...</i>

23
00:00:51,373 --> 00:00:52,683
- Jealous?
- Of what?

24
00:00:52,777 --> 00:00:54,259
The McKibenites?

25
00:00:54,863 --> 00:00:57,502
Those are the girls that were dancing
with Matty at Homecoming.

26
00:00:57,503 --> 00:00:58,503
They're harmless.

27
00:00:58,504 --> 00:01:00,105
No, those are rabid fan girls

28
00:01:00,106 --> 00:01:01,639
waiting for you to slip
and crack your head.

29
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,840
Just remember, today's fan club

30
00:01:02,841 --> 00:01:04,242
is tomorrow's console patrol.

31
00:01:04,243 --> 00:01:05,643
They're just cheering him on.

32
00:01:05,644 --> 00:01:09,147
[Girls screaming]

33
00:01:09,148 --> 00:01:10,382
That's not cheering, Jenna.

34
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It's 50 shades of cray.

35
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I'm not worried.

36
00:01:12,584 --> 00:01:15,086
I can share the glory
of my boyfriend.

37
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[Girls screaming]

38
00:01:16,755 --> 00:01:17,989
And I could.

39
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,358
Matty and I were beyond
the plateau of pettiness,

40
00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:22,327
and lived on the highest branch
of the trust tree.

41
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We were secure.

42
00:01:23,762 --> 00:01:28,099
We could handle anything
thrown at us.

43
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:29,634
Or anyone.

44
00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:32,821
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

45
00:01:33,339 --> 00:01:36,774
Sorry about that
strange outburst with Dana.

46
00:01:36,775 --> 00:01:38,910
You have nothing
to apologize for.

47
00:01:38,911 --> 00:01:40,412
You didn't maul her.
She mauled you.

48
00:01:40,413 --> 00:01:41,479
It was cute.

49
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:42,480
You're not jealous?

50
00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:43,848
No, I'm validated.

51
00:01:43,849 --> 00:01:46,451
Clearly, I have good taste.

52
00:01:46,452 --> 00:01:49,421
Hey, babe.
Looks like I got a fan too.

53
00:01:52,858 --> 00:01:54,359
Tamara is living and breathing,

54
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,660
so if you don't move it,
you'll lose it,

55
00:01:55,661 --> 00:01:56,761
'cause I could cut a bitch.

56
00:01:56,762 --> 00:01:58,729
- Hello, bodyguard.
- Shut it, Rosati.

57
00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:00,265
You are one flirt away
from making me

58
00:02:00,266 --> 00:02:01,933
mark my territory
the old-fashioned way.

59
00:02:01,934 --> 00:02:03,001
And that would be?

60
00:02:03,002 --> 00:02:04,002
With pee, like a dog.
I'll do it.

61
00:02:04,003 --> 00:02:05,536
You're a maniac.

62
00:02:05,537 --> 00:02:07,439
I gotta take a shower
before the bell rings.

63
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,107
Or you could have
your fan club lick you clean.

64
00:02:09,108 --> 00:02:11,276
That's not necessary,
unless you'd like the job.

65
00:02:11,277 --> 00:02:14,712
[Sniffs] Ugh, pass.

66
00:02:14,713 --> 00:02:15,713
Bye.

67
00:02:15,714 --> 00:02:19,417
Yo.

68
00:02:19,418 --> 00:02:20,885
How can you be so cool

69
00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:23,121
with your boyfriend
being mobbed and manhandled?

70
00:02:23,122 --> 00:02:25,790
It's called trust, T.
You should try it.

71
00:02:25,791 --> 00:02:28,626
Trust.
None of you trust yourselves.

72
00:02:28,627 --> 00:02:30,962
You guys are writing things
that you think I want to read?

73
00:02:30,963 --> 00:02:32,763
Trust me,
I don't want to read any of it.

74
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So what do you want to write?

75
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No one has any idea?

76
00:02:37,736 --> 00:02:40,638
You guys are smack dab
in the middle of puberty.

77
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Well, some of you.

78
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,341
You guys have raging hormones,

79
00:02:43,342 --> 00:02:47,778
which, unfortunately,
I can smell.

80
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This is the pre-ejaculation
of your lives.

81
00:02:50,949 --> 00:02:54,152
You guys are on the precipice
of exploding.

82
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And then, in ten years,

83
00:02:56,422 --> 00:02:57,955
it'll all go flaccid.

84
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So if you can't
get inspired now,

85
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then fucking bullshit me.

86
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Hoodwink me into believing
that you have something to say.

87
00:03:06,832 --> 00:03:08,500
Fine.
You guys need an incentive.

88
00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:10,601
Who wants to eradicate
50% of their grade?

89
00:03:10,602 --> 00:03:12,504
Mr. Hart
was laying a trap.

90
00:03:12,505 --> 00:03:13,804
He was being underhanded,

91
00:03:13,805 --> 00:03:15,840
and I was far too savvy
to take the bait.

92
00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:18,943
Big surprise.
You're playing it safe.

93
00:03:18,944 --> 00:03:20,211
- No, I'm not.
- It's okay.

94
00:03:20,212 --> 00:03:22,213
There's a lot
of safe, conventional writers

95
00:03:22,214 --> 00:03:24,382
who find success
writing textbooks.

96
00:03:24,383 --> 00:03:27,152
- I'm not playing it safe.
- Yeah, you are.

97
00:03:27,153 --> 00:03:28,153
Shut up, Sadie.

98
00:03:28,154 --> 00:03:29,154
Why should she shut up?

99
00:03:29,155 --> 00:03:30,855
When I look at you,
I see a girl

100
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who keeps it all inside.

101
00:03:32,558 --> 00:03:34,725
And then I read you,
and you prove me right,

102
00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:36,494
because there's nothing personal
on the page.

103
00:03:36,495 --> 00:03:37,862
You never take any chances.

104
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Bullshit.

105
00:03:39,165 --> 00:03:40,631
Oh, wow, finally,
something unexpected from you.

106
00:03:40,632 --> 00:03:41,966
Not true.

107
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,634
I've written plenty of stuff

108
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that's personal and unexpected.

109
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I've exposed myself--

110
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Not in this class.

111
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And I bet you'll never be able

112
00:03:49,641 --> 00:03:51,209
to read something out loud

113
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that exposes vulnerability.

114
00:03:52,511 --> 00:03:54,045
I can read anything
I've written.

115
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Oh, so you're accepting
my challenge?

116
00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,114
Yeah.

117
00:03:56,115 --> 00:03:57,148
Do you want me
to do it sitting down,

118
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,349
or up there,
in front of the class?

119
00:03:58,350 --> 00:04:00,418
Neither.
You're going to read it here.

120
00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:03,188
At Bean There, Done That,
tonight, 8:00 PM.

121
00:04:03,189 --> 00:04:04,189
It's open mic night.

122
00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:05,923
Be there, or 50% of your grade

123
00:04:05,924 --> 00:04:06,958
is going to be a zero.

124
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,159
He is a lunatic,

125
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,160
and sadistic.

126
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,828
He is literally
holding me hostage.

127
00:04:10,829 --> 00:04:12,497
You said you volunteered.

128
00:04:12,498 --> 00:04:14,599
Only after he manipulated me.

129
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,000
I am telling you,

130
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:18,369
he is a cunning
and brilliant sociopath.

131
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:19,370
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

132
00:04:19,371 --> 00:04:22,407
Those are very strong words.

133
00:04:22,408 --> 00:04:23,441
So break it down.

134
00:04:23,442 --> 00:04:24,775
What's the method
to his madness?

135
00:04:24,776 --> 00:04:26,711
Does he employ
corporal punishment?

136
00:04:26,712 --> 00:04:28,746
Waterboarding?
Soda boarding?

137
00:04:28,747 --> 00:04:29,847
If you think about it,

138
00:04:29,848 --> 00:04:31,048
the bubbles would
make it a lot worse.

139
00:04:31,049 --> 00:04:32,517
He doesn't beat me physically,

140
00:04:32,518 --> 00:04:34,586
but emotionally,
I am starting to feel scarred.

141
00:04:34,587 --> 00:04:37,755
He basically called me
a pussy in class.

142
00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:38,756
Well...

143
00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:40,191
"Well" what?

144
00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:41,326
If it walks like a duck,

145
00:04:41,327 --> 00:04:42,460
and it talks like a duck,

146
00:04:42,461 --> 00:04:43,928
it's probably a pussy.

147
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:45,130
I am not a pussy.

148
00:04:45,131 --> 00:04:46,498
Don't get me wrong,
I love you, girl,

149
00:04:46,499 --> 00:04:48,433
but you do err
on the milkier side of toast.

150
00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:49,534
Not true.

151
00:04:49,535 --> 00:04:50,935
Then why are you
in here complaining?

152
00:04:50,936 --> 00:04:52,337
Because he is asking me

153
00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:55,106
to read something personal
at open mic.

154
00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:57,542
- Bean There, Done That?
- Well, yeah.

155
00:04:57,543 --> 00:05:00,077
Ah, I love that place.
Oh, but,

156
00:05:00,078 --> 00:05:01,879
- man, is it a tough crowd.
- Really?

157
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,414
You better bring
something good to read.

158
00:05:03,415 --> 00:05:06,083
I'd suggest August 26th, 2011.

159
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:07,619
Or September 17th.

160
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:09,954
No, August 26th.

161
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:11,222
What are you talking about?

162
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,923
Your blog.

163
00:05:12,924 --> 00:05:14,325
It's a winner.

164
00:05:14,326 --> 00:05:17,094
And now I have to go read
at this stupid coffee house.

165
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:18,229
It's gonna suck.

166
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,930
- I'm gonna tank.
- You're gonna be great.

167
00:05:19,931 --> 00:05:22,500
And I will be there
to catch you if you fall.

168
00:05:22,501 --> 00:05:24,035
No, you won't.
You can't come.

169
00:05:24,036 --> 00:05:25,803
I don't want anyone to come.

170
00:05:25,804 --> 00:05:27,772
What don't you want us
to come to that we're coming to?

171
00:05:27,773 --> 00:05:29,174
- Nothing.
- She's got a performance

172
00:05:29,175 --> 00:05:30,608
tonight which she's now
shutting me out of.

173
00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:32,443
That's not true, I am shutting
all of you out of it.

174
00:05:32,444 --> 00:05:33,911
I am nervous and insecure.

175
00:05:33,912 --> 00:05:36,814
And we don't need
to do everything together.

176
00:05:36,815 --> 00:05:40,017
Are you implying that I need
to do everything together?

177
00:05:40,018 --> 00:05:41,252
Well, no.

178
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,921
Because Jake and
I have plans tonight.

179
00:05:43,922 --> 00:05:45,856
- Right?
- Right.

180
00:05:45,857 --> 00:05:47,425
Then why did you want
to catch me if I fall?

181
00:05:47,426 --> 00:05:49,126
I forgot.

182
00:05:49,127 --> 00:05:50,595
When did you make plans
without me?

183
00:05:50,596 --> 00:05:52,263
- We might have plans tonight.
- Do we?

184
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:53,764
No, but the option
was available.

185
00:05:53,765 --> 00:05:56,801
Look, you do you
and I'll do me.

186
00:05:56,802 --> 00:05:58,369
That's right, you do you,

187
00:05:58,370 --> 00:06:00,238
because you won't be doing me
anytime soon

188
00:06:00,239 --> 00:06:01,673
- with a 'tude like that.
- Fine.

189
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:02,807
- Fine.
- Fine.

190
00:06:02,808 --> 00:06:04,175
Fine.

191
00:06:04,176 --> 00:06:08,846
We're having a, uh,
"brobecue."

192
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:10,981
"Brobecue," really?

193
00:06:10,982 --> 00:06:13,384
Since when did Matty start
rocking my lexicon?

194
00:06:13,385 --> 00:06:15,253
Since he started posturing
in an attempt

195
00:06:15,254 --> 00:06:17,855
to cover his codependency,
which is cute.

196
00:06:17,856 --> 00:06:20,391
What's not cute
is this freaking assignment.

197
00:06:20,392 --> 00:06:22,093
What the hell am I gonna read?

198
00:06:22,094 --> 00:06:24,161
What about that post
after you went to church camp?

199
00:06:24,162 --> 00:06:26,831
It's topical and safe,
definitely use that.

200
00:06:26,832 --> 00:06:28,333
Safe was exactly
how Mr. Hart

201
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:29,534
expected me to play it.

202
00:06:29,535 --> 00:06:31,936
No, I'm not gonna be safe.

203
00:06:31,937 --> 00:06:34,972
Gotta go emotionally
bare naked.

204
00:06:34,973 --> 00:06:37,342
Naked.

205
00:06:37,343 --> 00:06:40,878
August 26th, 2011--
oh, this is perfect.

206
00:06:40,879 --> 00:06:42,113
I can't wait to hear it.

207
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:44,315
Then you're gonna
be waiting a long time,

208
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:45,950
'cause you're not
coming tonight.

209
00:06:45,951 --> 00:06:47,985
I thought that show of no go
was just for the boys.

210
00:06:47,986 --> 00:06:50,488
- What am I gonna do?
- Sorry, T, you're on your own.

211
00:06:50,489 --> 00:06:52,156
Ugh.

212
00:06:56,895 --> 00:06:59,264
What do you wanna do tonight?

213
00:06:59,265 --> 00:07:01,266
Are you girls inviting me
to hang out?

214
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:03,033
No, just me.
Jenna has plans.

215
00:07:03,034 --> 00:07:04,669
Oh. What is she doing?

216
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,238
She's reading something
at an open mic thingy

217
00:07:07,239 --> 00:07:10,040
at that coffee place with
old people from the '90s.

218
00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:12,744
Um, those people are not old.

219
00:07:12,745 --> 00:07:14,178
Are you hungry?
I'm hungry.

220
00:07:14,179 --> 00:07:17,282
You wanna make us pizza?

221
00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:19,417
Or you could order one.

222
00:07:19,418 --> 00:07:20,752
Maybe we should
just order pizza.

223
00:07:20,753 --> 00:07:23,020
We're grilling.
That's what men do.

224
00:07:23,021 --> 00:07:25,590
- Men also order pizza too.
- You know what's weird?

225
00:07:25,591 --> 00:07:26,857
Besides the fact that
you just put steaks

226
00:07:26,858 --> 00:07:29,761
on a grill that's not hot?

227
00:07:29,762 --> 00:07:31,763
Did you see all those girls
on me today?

228
00:07:31,764 --> 00:07:33,798
Jenna didn't even make
half a stink-eye.

229
00:07:33,799 --> 00:07:34,965
[Sighs] Oh.

230
00:07:34,966 --> 00:07:37,368
Oh. Oh, do you know
what this is?

231
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,936
- World's smallest violin?
- No.

232
00:07:38,937 --> 00:07:40,505
It's the world's
tiniest jerkoff.

233
00:07:40,506 --> 00:07:41,872
You gotta stop bitching.

234
00:07:41,873 --> 00:07:43,808
You're really making me wanna
kick your ass again.

235
00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:45,410
- You kicked my ass?
- Yeah.

236
00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:46,477
More like sucker-punched.

237
00:07:46,478 --> 00:07:47,712
I'm not the one
who hit the ground.

238
00:07:47,713 --> 00:07:49,246
And I've gotta stop bitching?
What about you?

239
00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:50,581
"Tamara doesn't want me
to do this.

240
00:07:50,582 --> 00:07:51,783
Tamara doesn't want me
to do that.

241
00:07:51,784 --> 00:07:54,084
I can't do anything
without Tamara."

242
00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:55,653
You should be bitching more.

243
00:07:55,654 --> 00:07:57,087
But you know what
kind of bitch doesn't bitch?

244
00:07:57,088 --> 00:07:58,923
A silly little bitch like you.

245
00:07:58,924 --> 00:08:00,124
- Really?
- Yeah.

246
00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:01,392
Who's the one
checking their phone?

247
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:02,760
"Will she text me?

248
00:08:02,761 --> 00:08:04,495
- Why hasn't she texted me?"
- Are you kidding me?

249
00:08:04,496 --> 00:08:07,097
All you've done since
we've got here is text Tamara.

250
00:08:07,098 --> 00:08:08,466
"Hey, babe, just got here.

251
00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,535
Hey, babe, we're grillin'
steaks, miss you.

252
00:08:10,536 --> 00:08:12,837
Hey, babe, I just scratched
my ass. OMG. LOL."

253
00:08:12,838 --> 00:08:14,104
I bet you can't go two minutes

254
00:08:14,105 --> 00:08:15,840
without checking your phone.

255
00:08:15,841 --> 00:08:17,809
You wanna put your money
where your mouth is?

256
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:21,379
50 bucks says you can't
keep off your phone all night.

257
00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:22,647
I'll bet you can't go the night

258
00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:25,583
- without mentioning Jenna.
- And no Tamara?

259
00:08:25,584 --> 00:08:27,585
Oh, you're on.

260
00:08:41,132 --> 00:08:43,200
I can do this.
I can do this.

261
00:08:43,201 --> 00:08:46,170
I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this.

262
00:08:48,540 --> 00:08:51,676
Welcome to "Been There,
Done That" open mic night.

263
00:08:51,677 --> 00:08:54,011
I can't do this.

264
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,680
I was petrified,
for good reason.

265
00:08:55,681 --> 00:08:58,383
And yet, I wasn't sure
what the reason really was.

266
00:08:58,384 --> 00:08:59,917
I didn't know anyone
in the crowd.

267
00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:01,652
No one was gonna know me.

268
00:09:01,653 --> 00:09:03,688
I was anonymous,
invisible, and...

269
00:09:03,689 --> 00:09:05,523
Jenna.

270
00:09:08,427 --> 00:09:10,828
- It's gonna be so much fun.
- ...totally exposed.

271
00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:15,350
Everyone I didn't wanna see
was in the crowd,

272
00:09:15,351 --> 00:09:18,019
so I wanted to see
the one person who wasn't.

273
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:19,520
If I was gonna be
a sinking ship,

274
00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:21,422
I needed someone
to float me a lifeline.

275
00:09:21,423 --> 00:09:22,991
Hey, this is Matty,
leave a message.

276
00:09:22,992 --> 00:09:24,159
I need you.

277
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,393
Smells like old spirit
just called your name.

278
00:09:25,394 --> 00:09:26,594
- You're up.
- No. I can't go.

279
00:09:26,595 --> 00:09:28,063
- I am not ready.
- Hey, hey, hey.

280
00:09:28,064 --> 00:09:29,765
Don't let your freak flag fly.

281
00:09:29,766 --> 00:09:32,868
I'll warm up the crowd for you.

282
00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:34,502
Let's go to it.
Jenna.

283
00:09:34,503 --> 00:09:36,071
Bad Mama Jama.

284
00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:38,039
Jenna's got cottonmouth.

285
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,109
Okay, uh, then let's hear
Bad Mama Jama.

286
00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:44,079
[Cheers and applause]

287
00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:48,650
Good evening, my peoples.

288
00:09:48,651 --> 00:09:51,052
The next 15 minutes,
we're gonna take a ride

289
00:09:51,053 --> 00:09:53,021
into my subconscious.

290
00:09:53,022 --> 00:09:56,024
Things are gonna get
crazy, sexy, cool.

291
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:58,393
But with my brand of T-L-C,

292
00:09:58,394 --> 00:10:00,996
we won't be chasing waterfalls.

293
00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:03,198
Mm-mm.

294
00:10:03,199 --> 00:10:05,233
I couldn't face
a hostile crowd.

295
00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:06,668
And Mr. Hart was a no-show,

296
00:10:06,669 --> 00:10:09,037
so he would never know
if I did or didn't go.

297
00:10:09,038 --> 00:10:10,605
And that meant I was gone.

298
00:10:10,606 --> 00:10:15,743
The inner swell,
a belly button smell.

299
00:10:15,744 --> 00:10:20,982
Now for my interpretive dance
of everyone's inner struggle.

300
00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,985
[Low-key music]

301
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:27,722
♪ ♪

302
00:10:27,723 --> 00:10:29,124
Watch out.

303
00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:32,060
You might a get a little drizzle
from my sizzle.

304
00:10:35,731 --> 00:10:37,565
This is great.

305
00:10:37,566 --> 00:10:40,068
Just two old buds,
cold brewskies.

306
00:10:40,069 --> 00:10:43,438
Grilling some steaks,
no girl talk.

307
00:10:43,439 --> 00:10:44,940
No cell phones buzzing.

308
00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:46,274
The only buzz I'm getting

309
00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:48,443
- is from your shitty beer.
- Oh, it's not mine.

310
00:10:48,444 --> 00:10:49,978
It's left over from
a kickback at, uh--

311
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,147
Who?

312
00:10:52,148 --> 00:10:54,182
- Tatonka.
- Oh.

313
00:10:54,183 --> 00:10:55,917
She's a new girl.
Probably haven't met her yet.

314
00:10:55,918 --> 00:10:58,086
So did you catch
that game last night?

315
00:10:58,087 --> 00:10:59,554
- It was pretty brutal.
- No, no.

316
00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:02,590
I had to go to Jenn--
ifer Lopez's concert.

317
00:11:02,591 --> 00:11:04,759
Really, Jennifer Lopez?

318
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,427
- What'd you pay for that ticket?
- It was free.

319
00:11:06,428 --> 00:11:09,164
'Cause love don't cost a thing.

320
00:11:09,165 --> 00:11:10,765
So how'd you do
on that trig quiz?

321
00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:13,034
Pretty good,
but not as good as...

322
00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:16,004
someone.

323
00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:17,339
Oh, did you play
the new <i>Assassin's Creed?</i>

324
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:18,706
- It's pretty sick.
- That's what I hear.

325
00:11:18,707 --> 00:11:20,175
I haven't it tried it yet,
'cause I always

326
00:11:20,176 --> 00:11:22,477
get stuck playing Mario Kart
because J--

327
00:11:22,478 --> 00:11:26,481
Because it's tougher
than you thought?

328
00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,850
- You ready to tap out?
- I'm not tapping out.

329
00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:31,853
[Upbeat tribal music]

330
00:11:31,854 --> 00:11:36,124
♪ ♪

331
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,393
[Phone vibrates]

332
00:11:38,394 --> 00:11:41,662
♪ ♪

333
00:11:41,663 --> 00:11:43,198
Jenna wants us to leave.

334
00:11:43,199 --> 00:11:46,001
She doesn't want us to hear
what she's about to read.

335
00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:48,870
What if it's about me
and the letter?

336
00:11:48,871 --> 00:11:50,138
We're adults.

337
00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:51,339
This is the young woman
that we raised.

338
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,975
We can handle whatever
she has to say.

339
00:11:53,976 --> 00:11:55,476
[Sighs]

340
00:11:55,477 --> 00:11:56,978
♪ ♪

341
00:11:58,814 --> 00:12:00,148
[Clapping]

342
00:12:00,149 --> 00:12:01,849
That was something.

343
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:04,685
Um, is Jenna here?

344
00:12:04,686 --> 00:12:06,988
Jenna Hamilton?

345
00:12:06,989 --> 00:12:09,190
- Whoo!
- Let's hear it for Jenna.

346
00:12:09,191 --> 00:12:12,860
[Cheers and applause]

347
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,762
Yeah!

348
00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:20,902
Hi.

349
00:12:20,903 --> 00:12:23,871
My name is Jenna Hamilton.

350
00:12:23,872 --> 00:12:26,874
And, um,

351
00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:29,010
this is the story of how
I lost my virginity.

352
00:12:29,011 --> 00:12:32,013
I'll be in the car.

353
00:12:32,014 --> 00:12:35,317
My story is called
"Rubbed Raw And Reeling."

354
00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:37,118
We can see
how rubbed raw you are.

355
00:12:37,119 --> 00:12:40,555
Close your legs.

356
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,633
"It was the last day
of summer camp

357
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,167
during a lame afternoon dance,

358
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,769
but magic was in the air.

359
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,104
The dorks were getting crunk

360
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,040
and the rest of us
were getting drunk.

361
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,446
For the first time
since I got my braces off,

362
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,748
I didn't feel invisible."

363
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:05,183
Although, invisible
doesn't sound like

364
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,985
a bad proposition right now.

365
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,320
My mom's here.

366
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,188
[Laughter]

367
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:15,827
"So there it was, the signal.

368
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,630
I was hoping he'd do
something more inspired,

369
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,498
like sniff his armpits,

370
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,700
but Matty had a habit
of doing that."

371
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,502
[Laughter]

372
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,803
A lot.

373
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,238
[Laughter]

374
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,806
[Sniffing]

375
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,242
- You nervous?
- [Scoffs] No.

376
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,910
[Sizzling] You should be.

377
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,279
That's our last steak, man.

378
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,514
Oh, shit!

379
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,650
- No!
- Aah!

380
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,353
Oh, gross, man.

381
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,188
Don't you ever power wash
your patio?

382
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,856
It's fine.
It's totally edible.

383
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,494
Really?
Then eat it.

384
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,128
Well, I will,

385
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,363
- after it's done cooking.
- Nope.

386
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,599
You said it's edible.
Eat it now.

387
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,066
I dare you.
[Chuckles]

388
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,068
You dare me?
Was is this, fifth grade?

389
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:59,004
Oh, I see.
You're afraid, hm?

390
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:02,474
Guess we should've
grilled chicken instead.

391
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,711
[Bawking]

392
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,046
Dude, give me that.

393
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:09,515
[Chuckles]

394
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:13,285
[Grunts, chuckles]

395
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,887
- Oh, it's delicious.
- That's disgusting.

396
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,123
Ugh.
No.

397
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:21,092
You know what's disgusting?

398
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:22,628
Why don't you eat this?

399
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,864
- Whole. I dare you.
- Oh, yeah?

400
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,569
Mmm.
Mmm.

401
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,205
- So good.
- No crying.

402
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,508
[Laughs]

403
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:39,511
[Grunts] I dare you.

404
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,380
[Cackles]

405
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,856
Aah! Aah.

406
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:56,161
[Both groaning]

407
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,596
What do you got?
What do you got?

408
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,833
- Cinnamon, one cap full.
- Oh, yeah?

409
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,133
- Just one, huh?
- Yeah.

410
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,903
- Please.
- You have to swallow it!

411
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,475
[Laughter]

412
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,443
"Yeah, so change
was in the air.

413
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,878
I could smell it.

414
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:17,449
There was change and
pine-scented cleanser.

415
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,685
My lady business was on fire.

416
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,087
But somehow, admitting
my virgin status

417
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,622
seemed like a buzzkill."

418
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:27,125
Good move.
It's always a buzzkill.

419
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:30,729
Not always.

420
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,699
And that's why there's
laws against pedophiles.

421
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:37,035
[Laughter]

422
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,370
Thanks.

423
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,072
I'd love to contribute
to your site.

424
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:44,510
[Clapping]

425
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:48,213
Wow. I guess you're not
the coddling type after all.

426
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,215
Putting your feet to the flame
did you wonders.

427
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,850
I'm not so sure about that.

428
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,085
What's your next tactic,
beating me?

429
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,954
Maybe.
Will that work?

430
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,256
- No.
- [Chuckles]

431
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,726
Well, thanks
for not torturing me.

432
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,927
It appeared my relationship

433
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,695
with Mr. Hart
was also evolving.

434
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,964
Was that a compliment?

435
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,701
I think that's
as good as it gets.

436
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:10,969
He is such a strange man.

437
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,371
And you're a whore,
but what else is new?

438
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:14,606
You guys wanna grab a bite?

439
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,975
With her?
No.

440
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,243
Thanks for the show and tell.

441
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,245
Next time, don't show so much.

442
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:23,248
And if you do, get it waxed.

443
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:25,884
What about you?

444
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,986
You in?

445
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,227
Sure.

446
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,497
I'm in.

447
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,570
You don't think I'm gonna
do it, do you?

448
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,905
- No, no way.
- [Scoffs]

449
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,507
Oh!

450
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,777
[Phone clicks]

451
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:52,811
Yes!

452
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:53,979
You used your phone!

453
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,347
I win, man!

454
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,616
[Laughs]
Whoo-hoo!

455
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:58,684
You just shaved your legs

456
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,385
and have pink fingernails.

457
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:03,321
Who's the real winner here?

458
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,226
She wanted me there tonight.

459
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,128
Who knew you were funny?

460
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,930
- Me.
- Hm.

461
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,165
[Cell phone chimes]

462
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:17,135
- Boys' night.
- Interesting.

463
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,505
- You know what's interesting?
- What?

464
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,640
You.

465
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,074
Why'd you come tonight?

466
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:24,743
I just wanted to check out
the competition.

467
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:25,878
Really?

468
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,278
And size up what kind of hell's

469
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,447
in store for me if
I'm Hart's next victim.

470
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:32,250
- Was it worth the trip?
- Yes, definitely.

471
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,252
You were classic.

472
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:38,123
[Cell phone vibrating]

473
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:39,591
Wanna get that?

474
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,926
No, it's okay.

475
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,327
Uh, finish.

476
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,229
I'm classic?
What does that mean?

477
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,565
It means exactly that.

478
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,502
You're classic, like,
Jane Austen.

479
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:54,339
- You're funny, with heart.
- So now I'm funny?

480
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,541
I never said you weren't.

481
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,575
You know what's really funny?

482
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,410
[Cell phone vibrating]

483
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,477
Hold on a sec.

484
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,647
Hey.

485
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,615
No, nothing's happening.

486
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,883
But something was happening,

487
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,184
and I couldn't explain it.

488
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,587
It was coming fast and swift
and out of the blue.

489
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,622
I was feeling a swirling
deep in my gut

490
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,425
that was exposing my rut.

491
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,694
Angelique says hi.

492
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,963
She's trying
to make me jealous.

493
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,197
But it was working on me.

494
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:22,000
Because suddenly,
I was jealous of Angelique,

495
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:25,203
and looking at her boyfriend
as if he was my own.

496
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:29,174
Gotta go.
Call you later.

497
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:31,242
Sorry about that.

498
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,744
She's out with some friends

499
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,279
and a little peeved
I didn't go,

500
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,647
so she's pulling the old,

501
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,449
"Let me tell you
what you're missing" bit.

502
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,150
Is it working,
making you jealous?

503
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,554
Strangely, no, which
might be a bit of a problem.

504
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,755
It's not a problem.

505
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,457
Lack of jealousy
just means you're evolved.

506
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,892
There's trust between you.

507
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,061
Or--

508
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:50,829
Or?

509
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,098
I'm over it.

510
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,534
[Cell phone vibrating]

511
00:19:06,892 --> 00:19:09,526
Have a good time?

512
00:19:09,527 --> 00:19:10,895
What are you doing there?

513
00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:13,630
Waiting up for you,

514
00:19:13,631 --> 00:19:17,802
so I could tell you
how awesome you were tonight.

515
00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:21,038
It was so brave of you
to share that story.

516
00:19:21,039 --> 00:19:23,974
Although I sort of
wish it wasn't that story,

517
00:19:23,975 --> 00:19:26,376
so your dad could've stayed.

518
00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:28,813
He would've been
so proud--

519
00:19:28,814 --> 00:19:30,647
of your performance,
not the story.

520
00:19:30,648 --> 00:19:32,349
- I was following.
- Okay.

521
00:19:32,350 --> 00:19:35,953
Well, thank you,
but no thank you for coming.

522
00:19:35,954 --> 00:19:37,955
So who was the guy?

523
00:19:37,956 --> 00:19:40,191
- What guy?
- The guy you stayed with.

524
00:19:40,192 --> 00:19:41,592
Collin?

525
00:19:41,593 --> 00:19:42,960
- He's in my class.
- Oh.

526
00:19:42,961 --> 00:19:45,863
So was everyone
from your class there?

527
00:19:45,864 --> 00:19:47,297
No.

528
00:19:47,298 --> 00:19:49,166
Then why did he go?

529
00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:50,667
I don't know.
Because we're friends?

530
00:19:50,668 --> 00:19:53,503
Friends, really?

531
00:19:53,504 --> 00:19:55,139
- Is that all?
- It's no big deal.

532
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,941
He has a girlfriend.

533
00:19:56,942 --> 00:20:00,811
And you have a boyfriend.

534
00:20:00,812 --> 00:20:08,753
♪ ♪

535
00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:11,688
[Knocking]

536
00:20:11,689 --> 00:20:14,658
Jenna.

537
00:20:14,659 --> 00:20:16,560
[Knock at door]

538
00:20:16,561 --> 00:20:18,229
[Whispers] Jenna.

539
00:20:18,230 --> 00:20:19,764
In the course
of a relationship,

540
00:20:19,765 --> 00:20:21,065
if things didn't evolve,

541
00:20:21,066 --> 00:20:22,666
they threaten to go extinct.

542
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:25,535
Because evolution
was about revolution.

543
00:20:25,536 --> 00:20:28,705
And maybe my lack of jealousy
meant something.

544
00:20:28,706 --> 00:20:31,976
Maybe I was revolting.

545
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:34,020
Next on<i>Awkward...</i>

546
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,280
Should I be worried?
I think I should be worried.

547
00:20:36,281 --> 00:20:37,848
Having fantasies
is totes normal

548
00:20:37,849 --> 00:20:39,716
and the key to maintaining
a healthy relationship.

549
00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:41,752
- What fantasies?
- Make a wish.

550
00:20:41,753 --> 00:20:43,087
[Exhales]

551
00:20:43,088 --> 00:20:44,789
The lust,
the eyelash blowing--

552
00:20:44,790 --> 00:20:46,723
that paper wasn't about
your first time with Matty.

553
00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:49,141
It was about what you want
your first time with Collin to be.

554
00:20:49,142 --> 00:20:51,669
- What is going on?
- Jenna has something to tell you.

555
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:52,841
What is it?