1 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,761 "In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. 2 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,686 "In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream." 3 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,644 Words from the late, great Michael Jackson. 4 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,487 Chapel will open at 8:00. 5 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,089 Today's order of services is Catholic, Evangelical, 6 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,807 Wiccan, Baptist, other, and Muslim. 7 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,570 Enjoy your Sunday. 8 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,643 You didn't eat breakfast. Most important meal of the day. 9 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,850 Start your engine right. 10 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:26,921 Thanks. I'll... 11 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,361 Thanks. 12 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,921 Fine. Run on fumes. 13 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,130 I'm doing the 4-Hour Body. 14 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,045 I don't know what that is. 15 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,845 You'll see. You'll see. 16 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,641 Okay. Good luck with that. 17 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,529 Come closer! 18 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,290 Fuck me! God! 19 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,803 I could get it. Fucking come. 20 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,730 Yes! Yeah! Yeah! You fucking skank! 21 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,001 Yeah! 22 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:03,801 Finally! 23 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,967 Man, look how buff my left arm looks just from grabbling you. 24 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,646 - Nichols, we gotta stop. - No, we can't. 25 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,926 I gotta work out the other side. 26 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,970 Otherwise I'll be asymmetrical like a crab, or a tennis pro. 27 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,850 No, no, no. No more. I'm engaged. 28 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,490 Yeah, that's right. 29 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,720 Get it while you can. 30 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,087 No! No, it's not fair to Christopher. 31 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:30,211 And I need to start tightening up. You're making me feel like a cave. 32 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,608 Baby, it's a cunt. it stretches. 33 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,246 Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb. 34 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,243 What can I say, I've got mommy issues. 35 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,244 Well, I don't want to do it anymore. 36 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,163 This was the last time. 37 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,922 All right. Yeah, it's cool. Just at least get me off first, all right? 38 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,843 That's not very classy. 39 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,763 We're having sex in a fucking chapel. 40 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,171 Come on, you wanna give me blue balls? 41 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,205 - It's not fair. I wake up every day and I... - Fuck! 42 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,520 Shit! 43 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,290 I thought you said the service wasn't for another half hour. 44 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,964 It was. You take too long to come. 45 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,761 Chaplain, the Jews never put the markers back in the box. 46 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,047 So write to your Congressman. 47 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,485 What if he's a Jewish? 48 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:18,168 There is one art cabinet for everyone and you have to share. 49 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,006 Now, if you please, we need to get ready for mass. 50 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,651 - Sister? The candles. - Yes. 51 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:26,964 My service is coming up. 52 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,964 - I wanna hang up my decoration. - Your decoration? 53 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,883 Yep. Look at it. I made it in the shop. 54 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,762 Except for it's not done on account that I ran out of glow-in-the-dark paint, but... 55 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,810 - Doggett, get it out of here. - What? Why? 56 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,281 You know why. I have explained it to you. 57 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,131 It's not iconography, it's a cross. 58 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,651 Nothing goes on the walls 59 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,327 that can't be taken down before the next service. 60 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,686 It's gonna glow in the dark. 61 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,087 Now, Doggett! 62 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,440 You know what? Fine. 63 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,684 That's just fine. 64 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,282 It ain't right, and you know it. 65 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,045 Well, this chapel is not just for Christians. 66 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,524 Yeah. I'm sure if I was a Catholic, you would be much different. 67 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,721 That's not true. 68 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,325 Yep. It's very true. 69 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,926 'Cause you and that Pope's bitch are running this place! 70 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,080 I like to think of myself as more of the Pope's homie. 71 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,003 You know what? 72 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:26,040 You treat everybody here better than me. Even those witch ladies. 73 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,770 Also not true. 74 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,446 No, it is true. You let... You take them for walks and you... 75 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,764 As I would take you if your faith required communion with nature. 76 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,842 I don't want to walk! Okay? 77 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,526 I'm gonna hang this damn cross! 78 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,922 'Cause it's my religious freedom and you're violating it! 79 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:48,841 You could sue. 80 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,531 I heard about this tranny in Massachusetts. 81 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,246 State paid for her whole hoo-ha. 82 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,642 I don't need them to pay for the car. I just need them to buy the oil. 83 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:04,569 What exactly is going on with you anyway? Is it like menopause? 84 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,762 Same idea. Not enough lady juice. 85 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,730 Skin gets loose, tits get saggy. Hulk get angry. 86 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,802 God! Do not do that! 87 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,326 Jesus. 88 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,201 I know what you can do. 89 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,529 You find an old lady lifer and you bum her estrogen. 90 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,769 You think the Fed gives a shit about a felon's hot flashes? 91 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,490 None of that gets covered. 92 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,444 Nun gets it. I'm on the pill line with her. 93 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,326 Bullshit. It's probably just anti-depressants. 94 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,087 Really? Ever heard of an SSRI called Gynotab? 95 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:40,086 What the fuck? Girl, you pulled my hair! 96 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,686 Any available CO to outer gate for inmate transfer. 97 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,445 You don't fucking talk to me, but you want me to thread your eyebrows? 98 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,363 Nobody else can do them right. 99 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,161 Besides, we're family. We fight, but we do shit for each other. 100 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,170 You gonna let me play dominos? 101 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,450 You can keep score. 102 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:57,960 You got some thread? 103 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,807 All personnel, 10-21 Jasmine. 104 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,770 Here. Go find Gloria, see if she'll trade with you. 105 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,530 If not, I'll pull some threads from my jacket. 106 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,567 All right. 107 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,444 Hey. What are you doing? 108 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:15,881 Trading corn. 109 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,645 Inmates aren't authorized to barter. 110 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,404 - What the fuck is "barter"? - Trade. 111 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,811 - Come on. Everybody trades... - Hey! 112 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,405 You want to get written up? Is that what you want? 113 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,766 What do you want from me? 114 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,680 What do I want? Less attitude! You got that? 115 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,764 You're not in charge here. I am. 116 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,846 - Now give me the corn. - Yes, sir. 117 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,609 Damn, y'all saw that? 118 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,291 He fucking took my corn! 119 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,123 Come on down to the hottest spot south of Havana! 120 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,771 Brazil's Copacabana Beach. 121 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,524 But I would be careful. 122 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,849 Some of the most beautiful places along the beach are... 123 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,407 Whatcha making? 124 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,925 I'm knitting. 125 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,688 I'm sorry, do I smell? 126 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,446 No, she's just in the zone. How's your Sunday? 127 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,126 Pretty nice so far. I was outside. 128 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,609 It is beautiful up here in the fall. 129 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,487 Yeah, sure. 130 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,121 I got myself incarcerated just so I could see the changing colors. 131 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,130 I'm serious. I think I need to be outside more. 132 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,526 Weren't you cold? 133 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,125 A little. But it was lovely. 134 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,288 I had my tea, it was almost hot. 135 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,328 I had my book, it was almost good. 136 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,084 And I saw a chicken. 137 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,651 How random is that? 138 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,681 What? What? 139 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,807 You saw a chicken? Like, a real live chicken in the flesh? 140 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,724 Well, it was covered in feathers, but... 141 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,086 What's going on? 142 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,525 You need to talk to Red. 143 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,164 - About what? - You just need to talk to her. 144 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,205 CO to Main Control for a shift briefing. 145 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,287 Dayanara! I unclogged the toilet. 146 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,203 There was a Barbie in it. 147 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,201 Eva? 148 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,965 What? Barbie wanted to go scuba diving! 149 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,324 Mommy! Help me! 150 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,289 Sucio! Get your caqui fingers off me. Dios mio! 151 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,249 She's gonna hit me! 152 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:01,926 You trying to hit your sister? 153 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,168 She flushed a Barbie down the toilet! 154 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,289 The Barbie Cesar bought you? 155 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:14,681 You think Barbies grow on trees? You think toilets grow on trees? Huh? 156 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,801 No. 157 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,848 - What grows on trees? - Nothing. 158 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,969 That's right! You need to look after them better. 159 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,407 - How about you? - I got better things to do. 160 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,885 Get them a pizza if they're hungry. I'm eating oysters, bitches. 161 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:29,846 Whatever. 162 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,767 - I want oysters. - No, you don't. 163 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:48,406 You're sure it was a chicken? Not a pigeon? 164 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,567 No. 165 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,128 What about a quail or a pheasant? 166 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,531 Spruce grouse? 167 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,681 American bald eagle? 168 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,366 It was a chicken. I know what a chicken looks like. 169 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,920 I don't... What's the big deal? 170 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,604 There are no chickens around here. Except for one. 171 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,842 They say she lived on a farm near here. 172 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:14,290 Till one night, the night before all the other chickens were slaughtered, 173 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,450 she escaped. 174 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,125 She's been out there ever since, living off the land. 175 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,690 Living on her wits. 176 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,007 Hey, what's going on? 177 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,206 The chicken's back. 178 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,041 Give me a break. Mom, there is no chicken. 179 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,044 You're wrong! She saw it. 180 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,610 Really? 181 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,729 - How'd it get over the fence? - I don't know. It flew? 182 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,804 Chickens don't fly. It was probably a spruce grouse. 183 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,327 No, it was her. I saw it in a dream. 184 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:48,920 Good bye. 185 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,842 She came to me, already dressed in herbs, 186 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,726 and a little top hat, black, tilted to one side. 187 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,247 And she said, "Soon, Red, we will be together. 188 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,561 "Soon I will be yours." 189 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,563 No more processed chicken 190 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:09,651 that looks like a hockey puck and tastes like wet paper. 191 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,125 Real chicken Kiev. 192 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,404 First girl to bag that bird 193 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,563 gets a box of Bioré strips. 194 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:26,841 Me, too? 195 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,329 Yes. You, too. 196 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,050 You did good bringing this to me. 197 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,090 Maybe you're not as useless as I thought. 198 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,168 Sister Ingalls. How was your service? 199 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,288 Fine. Thank you for asking. 200 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,203 - Sophia. - Sophia. That's right. 201 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,805 What was your sermon about? 202 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,360 I don't give sermons. I'm not a priest. 203 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,683 But we did have a good group discussion about overcoming sin. 204 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,171 I'm sorry I missed that. 205 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,810 Really? Are you Catholic? 206 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,885 No! But... Well, I think a lot about overcoming sin. 207 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,681 And I just love Jesus Christ. 208 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,560 And I've always wanted to try one of those communion wafers. 209 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,642 Well, I have a box of a thousand. 210 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,768 They're not as fresh as the ones you get outside of prison, 211 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,887 but they're good with dip. 212 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,491 I forgot my hat. 213 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,767 - Mind if I come with you? - Not at all. 214 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,241 Okay, higher. Higher. 215 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,243 Yep, higher. Nope, wait! 216 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,402 No! To... Okay, now to... 217 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,691 Look, that doesn't look centered to me, it just... 218 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,285 Excuse me! 219 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,924 Hey, Sister. Ain't your time through here? 220 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,331 I thought you weren't allowed to put that up. 221 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,401 No? 222 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,524 That's what the chaplain told you this morning. 223 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:41,681 Yeah, that's right. 224 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,161 You're the little church mouse that lives in her pocket. 225 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,011 Well, I live in God's pocket. 226 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,923 And she said I couldn't put it up on the walls, 227 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,651 but she didn't say I couldn't hang it from the ceiling, all right? So... 228 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,364 That's not a load-bearing pipe. 229 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,370 What do you know about a load-bearing pipe, lady man? 230 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,604 I think I just told you. 231 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,330 Please. I'll just get my hat. 232 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,482 It's not my business. I don't want any trouble. 233 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,528 Trouble? There's not gonna be any trouble, okay? 234 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,409 This is beautiful. 235 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,280 All right? It's our right as Americans to religious freedom. 236 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,445 Ain't you heard of the Third Amendment? 237 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,763 Soldiers should not be given quarter in a house in times of peace? 238 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,569 Is that really what the Third Amendment says? 239 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:17,880 I never knew that. 240 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:18,961 Can you stay out of it? 241 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,202 Damn it, Tucky. I can't go back to seg. 242 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,725 God has chosen to test our conviction. 243 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,970 So Red's okay with me because I saw this chicken, I guess. 244 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,883 And she said I wasn't useless. 245 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,326 Good. 246 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,045 So that's the big news in my small world. 247 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,161 What's happening with Barney's? Did you talk to Weiner? 248 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,767 Yes, I have. Actually, there is... 249 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,884 Well, it's funny, but there's a problem. 250 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,447 What? 251 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,445 They have concerns about our ability to produce since we still don't have a space. 252 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,244 You told them that? They don't need to know that. 253 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,321 Why did you tell them that? 254 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,245 I don't know, because they asked? 255 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,882 I'm sorry, should I have texted you first? 256 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,285 We don't have an official order yet. They could take us off the shelves. 257 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,921 Well, you know, I was thinking maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea. 258 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,366 Excuse me? 259 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,802 I mean, maybe it's not the best time to expand our business. 260 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,008 Polly, I quit my job for this. 261 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,889 And then you went to prison. 262 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,968 If I'd known you wouldn't be around to handle things, 263 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,122 I would have delayed the baby and gotten a puppy. 264 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:55,127 But I'm the size of Venus and allergic to dogs, so... Fuck it. 265 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,651 Polly, we were counting on the extra income. 266 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,165 Please, like you even pay rent. 267 00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,571 I pay rent. Who told you I don't pay rent? 268 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,803 Polly, I know that you're having a baby, but what about our baby? 269 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,086 What about Baby Poppy? 270 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:08,006 What if Piper talks to Weiner? You have more of a rapport, right? 271 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,923 Yes! She likes me! 272 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,606 So, should I see if she'll drive up with us next week? 273 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,809 No. We can set up a call. 274 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:20,044 I'll call you, and then the recording about it being a call from prison will play, 275 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,885 and then you can call her from your phone, 276 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,486 conference her in, and I can talk to her. 277 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,046 Please? 278 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,691 Two minute warning. Two minutes. 279 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,489 What? Jesus, they don't give you any time. 280 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,251 I know. Honey, have you talked to your dad about Alex? 281 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,447 No, I... Not yet. I will... 282 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,760 - Faster, please. Come on. - Okay, well, 283 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,928 I'll ask him about it when I see him later this week. 284 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,526 Ask him what? 285 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,770 To look over the indictment. To see if Alex really named her. 286 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,286 Of course she named me. It's so obvious. 287 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,089 Then why does his dad need to check? 288 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:57,127 So I can shove it in her smug, lying, fucking lying, fucking face. 289 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,645 I know she's lying. 290 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,763 Hold up. What, she's in here with you? 291 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,121 Yes. 292 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,009 Why didn't you tell me? 293 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:15,289 - You lied to me? - Honey, I didn't lie to you. 294 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,364 I just failed to mention. I didn't want you to worry. 295 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,006 - Worry? Worry about what? - That she'd turn gay again. 296 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,889 That's not happening. And you don't just turn gay. 297 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,008 You fall somewhere on a spectrum. Like, on a Kinsey scale. 298 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,081 Okay. 299 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,250 Besides, she is the last person around here that I'd sleep with. 300 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,402 - Who's the first? - See? I didn't mean that. 301 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,005 I didn't mean that. I just... 302 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,531 This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. 303 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,331 Because I knew that you would do this. What are you afraid of? 304 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,801 That I'm going to do something? 305 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,006 Gay? 306 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,765 I wasn't before, until you lied. Now I'm... 307 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,127 Now I'm wondering if maybe you're worried you will. 308 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,007 - Classic projection. - Polly, don't help. 309 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,526 Not only is the ceiling ripped open. 310 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,888 Not only is the chapel covered in asbestos, 311 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,607 rat shit, God knows what. 312 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,882 - Toxic mold. - Toxic mold. 313 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:48,561 But, surprise, surprise, our electrical line has been compromised. 314 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,247 We have to run new electrical. 315 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,009 Officer Luschek, is running new electrical 316 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:02,211 something that you feel particularly excited about doing on a fucking Monday? 317 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,362 - Nope. - Hell nope. 318 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,927 You ought to be relaxing after an exhausting weekend of 319 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,765 prostate stimulation and blow-up fuck dolls. 320 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,205 But instead, 321 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:21,326 thanks to this missed opportunity for cradle death, 322 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,289 you're here with me. 323 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,728 And all these other shit-birds. 324 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,244 And all this shit. 325 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,402 Man, why she ain't in SHU? 326 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,722 Janae got sent to SHU just for talking. 327 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,205 Quiet, or you'll go with her. 328 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,450 It weren't my fault. I was just doing as the Spirit commanded. 329 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,045 Fuck are you, Joan of Arc? 330 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,805 No. I'm from Waynesboro. My name is Tiffany... 331 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,609 She knows what your fucking name is! 332 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,370 And you guys can kill each other on your own time. 333 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,927 Hey, Bennett, grab some retards and go start the demo. 334 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,171 - Excuse me. - Yes? 335 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,331 Could we get some masks? 336 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,649 For the mold. And the rat shit dust. 337 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,164 Bennett, go see if you can find some dust masks in the tool shed. 338 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,611 Okay. 339 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,480 Rest of you, go outside. Start bringing in those sheets of drywall. 340 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,528 - Wait a minute! - What? 341 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,243 I don't want "it" here. 342 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,890 Please! 343 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,844 That's why this whole thing happened. 344 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,446 God's angry that there's an abomination in the church, 345 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,091 and if we don't get rid of "it," it's just gonna keep on happening. 346 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,400 All right, you listen to me. 347 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,844 You are not an agent of God, okay? 348 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,685 God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right? 349 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:49,807 Know what? 350 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,043 Jesus Christ, how the fuck did you survive infancy? 351 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,771 - My auntie helped my momma... - That's a rhetorical question! 352 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,083 Do you not understand what a fucking rhetorical question is? 353 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,366 Sophia just cares about the church. And she just wants to help. 354 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,171 Help clean up the mess you made. 355 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,366 You see, there, Pennsyltucky? 356 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,044 That's just what I've been saying the whole time. 357 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,884 You're an idiot. 358 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,690 I want to fuck Jesus in his hand-hole. 359 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,010 All right. Let's get to work. 360 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,046 Hey. I thought that we might get masks, too? 361 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,324 There's not enough. 362 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:16,770 That's what you get for acting uppity. 363 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,320 Okay, so about the chicken... 364 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,167 What about it? It's like Red's version of the white whale. 365 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,362 No, no, no, I saw it. I really did. 366 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,125 All right. It's just you and the crackheads then. 367 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,607 But at least you're getting in good with Captain Ahab. 368 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,722 Better her ship than the ocean. 369 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,043 So I take it you're not gonna come look for it after work? 370 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,531 What, the chicken? 371 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,366 We're gonna search the yard. Morello invited me. 372 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,090 Morello and I are sort of taking a break. 373 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,322 I'm sorry to hear that. What happened? 374 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:53,162 Yeah, she still thinks her relationship with her fiance isn't doomed. 375 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,563 But she'll be back. 376 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,605 Nothing lasts. 377 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:04,561 Twenty. 378 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,567 You got that? What's the score? 379 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,046 Hold up, let me add it up. 380 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,161 Come on, chicken! 381 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,760 Red's looking for the chicken again. 382 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,410 That bitch is crazy. 383 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,363 Who gives a shit about a chicken? 384 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,562 Maybe it's not the chicken but what's within the chicken. 385 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:27,771 You trying to sound deep? 386 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:32,085 Nah. My boy, Potato Chip, told me that when he was down, 387 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,324 they used to bring in dope by putting that shit inside birds. 388 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,490 - Chickens? - Nah. 389 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,085 I think it was like a pigeon or something. 390 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,440 Did they stick it up the butt? 391 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,491 Nah. They put it in a little baggie, stuff it down the throat. 392 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,644 But maybe they put it in the butt, too. 393 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,563 There's no chicken. That's a fairy tale. 394 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,286 My boy said that shit's worth, like, $1,000, yo. 395 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,889 And that's just from what they put inside a pigeon. 396 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,006 A chicken's got a much bigger butt. 397 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:10,925 Are you kidding me? 398 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,811 Yo, Spanish mamis got something going on. 399 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,926 - Ain't you going, too? -No. 400 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:33,081 No, you'd rather sit and scribble love notes. 401 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,888 Don't play dumb, I know what you're doing. 402 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,327 I seen you leave a kite and I know who for. 403 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,481 You followed me? 404 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,570 I'm telling you, you're wasting your time with that one. 405 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,122 Not that you're not pretty. I don't mean it like that. 406 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:50,603 It's just, you gonna fuck a guard, fuck a fat one. 407 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,045 That way they're more appreciative. 408 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,691 Let you sneak in cigarettes. Maybe bring you McDonald's. 409 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:55,966 Is that how you really think? 410 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,970 That's how you need to start thinking. I'm trying to look out for you. 411 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,890 I don't fuck dudes for Big Macs. 412 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,244 - But you fuck 'em. - Yeah. 413 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,846 So what do you fuck 'em for? Love? 414 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,325 'Java'? Days“.! 415 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,287 Hi, baby! Hello, my little angel. 416 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,724 How you doing? 417 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:35,965 Where's your brother and sisters? 418 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,490 I don't know. I'm hungry. 419 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,170 There's food in the kitchen. Why didn't you... 420 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,810 Go ahead. I'll go. 421 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,890 And Paco's like, "He's not an eggplant, he's retarded!" 422 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,401 What do you want? 423 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,050 What are you doing in here? Get out. 424 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,600 Eva's hungry. I need to make her something to eat. 425 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,727 So make her something. 426 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,004 But, hey, you better make me something, too, if you're in here. 427 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,923 You can't eat that. It's shaped like animals. 428 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,446 So, I don't give a fuck. It tastes the same. 429 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,204 But it's made for kids. 430 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,523 I'm just trying to look out for you, so people don't think you're a faggot. 431 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,481 You wanna wear Superman undies and eat kids' food, be my guest. 432 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,201 Maybe I should get you a propeller beanie and you can hang out on the corner. 433 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,527 Go out and buy some real food. 434 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,371 Keep the change. 435 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,001 Buy a smile? 436 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,806 Cesar, how much longer we have to do this here? 437 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,291 Not long. 438 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,051 Pepe may have found a new spot. 439 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,408 What's the matter? You don't like me anymore? 440 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,482 All right, extend that rear leg. 441 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,527 Challenge yourselves, but don't forget to breathe. 442 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,445 - What do I do with my arms? - Extend the arms. 443 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,563 Soft eyes, Morello. 444 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,121 Excuse me. What's happening? 445 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,969 We got AA. 446 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,249 No, not right now you don't. We're doing yoga. This is our time. 447 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,449 Well, they sent us here 'cause the chapel's wrecked. 448 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,411 Now, don't worry. You just keep on doing what you're doing. 449 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,280 Yeah, let's see one of these downward facing doggie styles. 450 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,890 Soft eyes, Morello. Soft eyes. 451 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,964 This is unacceptable. Norma, take over for me. 452 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,769 I'm getting Caputo. 453 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:06,845 I'm sorry, am I disturbing you? 454 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,602 Man, I did it. I fucked up your Zen. 455 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,968 No. Wouldn't wanna accidentally kick you in the face. 456 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,930 "So we do not lose heart. 457 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:28,484 "Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 458 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,611 - What's that? - Corinthians 4:16. 459 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,806 Just something I say to myself when I think my ass looks fat. 460 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,928 So you do understand what I've been going through. 461 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:41,961 I know, changes in the body can be painful. But remember, your body is just the ship. 462 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,003 Your soul is the passenger. 463 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,929 There's another passage here. 464 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,209 - So you been through menopause? - Yes, dear. 465 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,883 Did you just pray that you'd get through it? 466 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,007 More or less. 467 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,924 What's the "more" part? And the "less"? 468 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,684 I also exercised regularly. 469 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:07,007 See, it's especially hard for me because it's taken me so long to get to this point. 470 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:11,324 And I'm just not ready to give it up, you know? 471 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,209 Yes, you said. 472 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,726 - And I sacrificed so much. - Right. 473 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,204 And I feel like finally, finally, I'm the woman 474 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,369 that God intended me to be, you know? 475 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,728 - That's wonderful. - Yeah. 476 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,844 You're not getting my hormones. 477 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,884 Now, shall we return to Scripture? 478 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:37,325 You knew? This whole time? 479 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:38,886 I figured it out when you thought 480 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,201 "Stations of the Cross" meant Christian radio. 481 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,325 So you've been playing with me? 482 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,961 You may be unhappy, but it has nothing to do with your body. 483 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,249 If you were truly a woman, you'd never be happy with that anyway. 484 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:51,481 You have guilt. 485 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,170 About what? 486 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,760 About leaving your wife to take care of Michael alone. 487 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,325 About Michael being... 488 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,529 Don't you talk to me about that! You don't get to talk to me about that. 489 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,807 - Sophia! - Leave me alone! 490 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,247 Attention all personnel, be advised, count. 491 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,164 So there I am, topless, 492 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,971 sitting on this bulldozer, like, in a construction site. 493 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,930 So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties, 494 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,731 and I'm like, "What the fuck? Again?" 495 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:21,810 And then I look down 496 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:30,091 and I see there's this dude down on the ground 497 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,884 with his head by, like, the tire. 498 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,287 And then I look close and I recognize it's the bum from the night before 499 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,045 that was hollerin' at me outside of Pizzeria Uno. 500 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:43,170 And when I look closer, I see the dude is wearing my shirt 501 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,369 and he's got barbecue sauce all over his face and he's... 502 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:49,606 He's dead. 503 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,280 And that's when I knew it was time to make a change. Thank you. 504 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,726 Almost the exact same thing happened to me, but it was tuna salad. 505 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:06,131 All right. We will now, once again, go into a forward bend, 506 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:10,406 and when you're ready, relax back into Shavasana. 507 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,331 Anyone else feel like sharing today? 508 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,842 - Anybody? - I'll share. 509 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,201 I don't have a great rock-bottom story 510 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,648 because my rock bottom is happening right now. 511 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:37,321 Not that you're not all great, but I guess I just thought I'd never be here. 512 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:43,047 You know, I thought I was someone who was in control. 513 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,648 And I was in control, for a while. 514 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,602 When I only dealt heroin. 515 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,889 Not even dealt. I mean, I was an importer. 516 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,928 But, yeah, I was going through a break-up, and it was around. 517 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,051 Actually, I think it's more accurate to say that I was abandoned. 518 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:09,523 But, anyway, I started using. 519 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,250 Are you finished? 520 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,207 Yes, thank you. That was wonderful. 521 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,250 Heroin was the best girlfriend that I ever had. 522 00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,369 You know, she always made me feel better, 523 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,961 and she was always available. 524 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,083 But even the best girls will fuck you over, you know? 525 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,644 Yeah, you would fucking know, wouldn't you? 526 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,489 Damn, I thought yoga was supposed to relax you. 527 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,491 You want to know if she fingered her? 528 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:45,365 I think that's been established. 529 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,767 Please, Dad. No jokes. I can't take it right now. 530 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,320 - Howard, leave him alone. - You leave me alone. 531 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,050 Larry, have you weatherized yet? 532 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,521 I know it looks tacky, but if you put up the plastic, 533 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,011 you'll save a lot of money on heating. 534 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:57,969 Those windows are very old. 535 00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,923 I'm going to, Mom. 536 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,488 And I'm sorry I'm late with the rent. 537 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,967 It's all right. As long as you take care of us when we're dying. 538 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,361 Though you might want to think about getting a job at some point. 539 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,962 He has a job. He's a writer. All it takes is one article. 540 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,769 For what? To get paid 50 bucks? 541 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,089 To lead to bigger things. You have any projects you're working on? 542 00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:18,846 Yes, Mom, thank you. As a matter of fact, I do. 543 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,571 - I'm working on an article right now. - What's it about? 544 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,928 It's a trend piece, about something called edging. 545 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:35,322 It's when you have sex or masturbate without coming. 546 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,971 Without coming? That sounds unhealthy. 547 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,407 A man needs to come. Larry, tell me you're coming. 548 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:42,527 I shouldn't have said anything. 549 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,201 Howard, tell Larry he needs to come. You could get blocked up! 550 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,567 - I'll tell him. - Listen to your father. 551 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,211 You two want some soup? The girl made soup. 552 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,089 - Soup would be nice. - I'm fine. Thank you. 553 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,162 I'll get for both of you. 554 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,646 Dad, please. I know you don't like Piper, but I'm asking you to help me. 555 00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:03,846 Who said I don't like her? 556 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,331 I like her. She's the nicest felon you've ever dated. 557 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:06,606 Stop. 558 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,726 I just think she's a bit wispy. 559 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,529 I thought you'd end up with someone more substantial. 560 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,484 Are you talking about her moral character or the size of her breasts? 561 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,005 Please. I'm an ass man. 562 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,486 He's an ass man. 563 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:20,884 You asked about her girlfriend? 564 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,240 Ex-girlfriend. 565 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,321 I have looked over the indictment. 566 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,041 And? 567 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:32,525 It states that, unequivocally, Alex Vause gave her name. 568 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,011 Good. Thank you. 569 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:38,885 Good? How is that good? 570 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,970 It's good that Piper'll know for sure. 571 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,688 And she'll hate her more, so she'll stay away from her. 572 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,528 - Listen, Larry, don't tell her. - Why? 573 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,000 Prison is a fishbowl, son. 574 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,969 The last thing she needs is an enemy to obsess over, 575 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,610 do something stupid out of anger. 576 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,365 She should serve her time and leave without any trouble. 577 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,771 - I'm not gonna lie to my fiancée. - Why not? 578 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,008 Because our relationship doesn't work that way. 579 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,926 Yes, yes. It's based on trust and honesty. 580 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,686 Even though she neglected to tell you that she's in there with this Alex until now? 581 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,525 Okay, first of all, it's only been three weeks, 582 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,321 and she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to get upset. 583 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:18,925 So, why should you upset her? 584 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:22,880 No. 585 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:28,083 No. I'm not gonna lie to protect her like she's some helpless thing, okay? 586 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,440 Honesty is the best policy. I really believe that. 587 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:38,404 Larry, remember all those special achievement ribbons you earned as a child? 588 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:40,641 Yeah. 589 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,161 You notice how there was never a public ceremony? 590 00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:46,483 You did win that one for tidiest cubby in preschool. 591 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,648 But the truth is... 592 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:52,726 ...overrated. 593 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:59,528 My advice, keep her focused on her life outside, her business, her friends. 594 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,809 The wedding. 595 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,769 Whether or not you actually go through with it. 596 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,964 Here, Larry. Eat your soup. You're the best soup eater in America. 597 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,482 He's got it! 598 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,005 Find that chicken, babe, you got it? 599 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:19,961 Chicken! 600 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,284 Here, chicky, chicky, chicky. 601 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,129 What's going on? 602 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,126 There's $1,000 inside a chicken somewhere. Everyone's looking for it. 603 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,882 - What? - You. 604 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:37,849 This is your fault. 605 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,645 You've been blabbing all over about the chicken, haven't you? 606 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,131 Not really. 607 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,041 But even if I had, you never told me it was a secret. 608 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,282 Because I thought you had common sense. 609 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,170 Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen. 610 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,249 Why, because all black people love chicken? 611 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:53,560 Don't be racist. 612 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:54,971 Because they're all on heroin, 613 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,123 and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken. 614 00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,361 I heard it's a gun. 615 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,363 Okay, I had nothing to do with this. 616 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,171 You cannot blame this on me. I just told you what I saw. 617 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,083 Right, what you "saw." 618 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,766 Why are you using air quotes? Are you saying that I'm lying? 619 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,444 Maybe you wanted to impress people. 620 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,921 I did not even know this was a thing that was impressive. 621 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,482 If she hasn't been scared off, the Spanish or the blacks have her. 622 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,126 Those Spanish probably won't even eat her, 623 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:23,489 just cut her throat and drink her blood, or something else superstitious. 624 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,447 All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens 625 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,284 and to absorb its power. 626 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,730 And make a nice Kiev. But, oh, well. 627 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,370 So, what? You're just gonna give up? 628 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,564 Just because of a little competition? 629 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,284 That chicken is out there, Red, and it's waiting for you. To eat it. 630 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:55,722 And you have been waiting for a very long time to eat it. 631 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,761 What do those other girls have that you don't have? 632 00:38:58,840 --> 00:38:59,921 They have dogs. 633 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,203 Dogs does not a chicken catch. 634 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,164 Determination, Red. 635 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,809 That's what catches chickens. 636 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,250 Who wants that chicken the most? 637 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,889 Who will prepare that chicken most expertly? 638 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,451 The woman who dreams about it. 639 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,442 The woman who was born to eat that chicken. 640 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,241 You. 641 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:35,051 That's mine! That's my chicken! 642 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,490 What the hell is the matter with you? 643 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,642 You tryin' out for the retard Olympics? 644 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,125 Somebody shove some dynamite up your ass? 645 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,203 Do you want to get shot? 646 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:57,324 Trust me. We got a lot of bullets up in that guard tower. 647 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,689 So if that's what you want, just try that shit again. 648 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,731 You are not supposed to run. 649 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,811 Remind me never to listen to you. 650 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,725 So, why are you running? 651 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,406 For a fucking chicken? 652 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,763 Who the fuck told you there was a chicken in my yard? 653 00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,040 But that's not fair! 654 00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,009 It's more than fair. 655 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:03,368 You know the rules about running. Who's next? 656 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:04,561 Chapman. 657 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,166 You're gonna have a swell time down the hill, blondie. 658 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,888 Trust me, he's gonna break you. 659 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,281 Yes, thank you. 660 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,886 And that was not necessary. 661 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,122 Please close the door on your way out. 662 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:25,602 Attention, inmates. Multiple code violations will result in loss of privileges. 663 00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,411 So, I'm not sure if I have the rumor straight. 664 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:33,651 Is the chicken filled with money, or heroin, or guns, or candy? 665 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,728 No, no. Mr. Healy, this is... 666 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:40,249 I'm not sending you down the hill. You made a mistake. You're new. 667 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,406 Thank you. 668 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:46,002 Probably just wanted to impress people, be a big shot. 669 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,569 - So you started making up stories. - No! 670 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,241 It's all right. I understand. 671 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:58,166 You think this is the first time that I've heard about the "chicken"? 672 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:04,130 It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejaculation. 673 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,090 No! No. No, it's not. This is real. 674 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,364 How is it real? 675 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:11,680 Wait, which? 676 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,922 The chicken. And the... 677 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,045 The chicken. 678 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,488 There's a triple razor wire fence around this camp. 679 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,250 It's impossible. 680 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:29,451 And if you think that chickens can fly, well, we better go to Wikipedia right away. 681 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,167 Oh, my God, you have the Internet. 682 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:36,689 Look, I don't care if you've seen this thing or not. 683 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:41,125 But I don't want you exciting the other inmates with this kind of talk. 684 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,448 They're not like you and me. 685 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:48,006 They're less reasonable. Less educated. 686 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,368 And I don't want you making up stories to Red. 687 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,807 You know how Russians love chicken. 688 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,601 Moving forward, I want you to keep your head down. 689 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,001 Don't make any more boastful claims. 690 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,205 - Don't... - See a chicken. 691 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:06,725 Exactly. 692 00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,245 Now, repeat after me. 693 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,449 There is no chicken. There never was any chicken. 694 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,808 The chicken is an urban myth. A grand illusion. 695 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:19,249 Something to give your life meaning, but which is in fact not there. 696 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,962 We will make a poster. 697 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,803 Yo, chicken lady. 698 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,165 I got my visitation revoked 'cause of you. 699 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,210 What'd you get? 700 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:38,925 I should've fuckin' known. 701 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,043 I don't mess with no heroin, but I love me some candy. 702 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,687 - You better watch it with the stories. - I didn't... 703 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,970 Bravo dorms, assemble for visitation hail. 704 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,091 Still open? 705 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,249 In some tribal cultures, 706 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,802 the transgender person is regarded as a shaman. 707 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,682 Trying to convert me to paganism now? 708 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:15,370 Whatever works. 709 00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,124 It's not a very Catholic thing to say. 710 00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,363 I'm not here as a Catholic, I'm here as a friend. 711 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,485 I'll cut your hair. But I ain't giving you no confession. 712 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,125 I already know how I feel. I let 'em down. 713 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,009 You're still here. 714 00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,131 And the best thing you can do for them is be strong. 715 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,170 Inside. You already have the Playboy body. 716 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:40,884 What are you doing reading Playboy? 717 00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:42,969 I read everything. 718 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,242 Why did God have to give me that stupid penis? 719 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:48,441 I don't know. 720 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,887 Any more than I know why he gave men nipples. 721 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,369 There are mysteries. 722 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,488 And as a Catholic, I enjoy them. 723 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,288 The mysteries, that is. 724 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,922 Well, I enjoy the nipples. 725 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,001 So now they think that I'm a liar. That I made it up. 726 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:08,290 I don't understand. Why would I make something like that up? 727 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,161 I don't know. 728 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,368 Hey, you have that call with Weiner later, right? 729 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:13,606 Yes. 730 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,409 - You ready? - I'm ready. 731 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:20,441 That's good. Because I can't ask my parents for any more money, okay? 732 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:24,002 No. Yes. And I can't ask mine either. 733 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,766 Okay, we can't ask anyone's parents for any more money. 734 00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,411 - So make it a slam dunk, all right? - Yes. 735 00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,529 By the time you get out of prison, you'll be a big-time soap baron, 736 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:37,486 I'll be a famous journalist, and we'll start our life. 737 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,848 Life already has started. I'm in here. 738 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,365 And I'm here with you. 739 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,647 But let's just be honest with each other, okay, Pipes? 740 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,728 I wanna know what's going on. 741 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,246 Yes. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Alex. 742 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,201 It's okay. 743 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,681 It has nothing to do with me being attracted to her. 744 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,161 Really. I just... 745 00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:01,041 I didn't want you to know that I was in here with somebody that I hate so much. 746 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,044 Oh, my God, I swear, sometimes when I'm around her, 747 00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:05,929 I feel like I'm going crazy. 748 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:09,288 Well, as long as you keep your figure. 749 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,201 - Hey, did I tell you what happened in yoga? - No. 750 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,124 She was just there. Trying to antagonize me. 751 00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:20,283 I swear, Larry, I could smash her in the face. 752 00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,044 Okay, well, don't... Don't do anything like that. Okay? 753 00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,925 - Anyhow, about Alex--- -Oh, my God. I bet it was her. 754 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,287 I bet she's the one who's been spreading rumors about me. 755 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,603 I bet she told everybody that I lied about the chicken! 756 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:39,207 Okay, Piper, let's drop the chicken for now. It's not important. 757 00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:40,247 It's my rep! 758 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,244 Piper, it's not important. This is real life. 759 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:47,285 Please don't get dragged into the prison drama. 760 00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:51,206 Look, I know it's like a fishbowl in there, but try. Focus. 761 00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:53,647 Larry, I know that you're right, but I have to live in this fishbowl 762 00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:55,370 and it's just... 763 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,367 Just let him do his krumping and have a good time. 764 00:46:58,440 --> 00:46:59,680 ...hard. 765 00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:02,687 I know. 766 00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,682 So, what were you saying? 767 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:08,881 About Alex. 768 00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:10,804 I talked to my dad about the indictment. 769 00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:13,521 And? 770 00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:22,405 She didn't name you. I guess it was someone else from the ring. 771 00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,763 - Piper, are you there? - Yeah, I'm here. 772 00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,647 - Did you hear me? - Yes, I heard you. 773 00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:33,848 I know it's surprising, but this is... 774 00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:35,365 Pipes, this is good, really, 775 00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:39,684 because now you don't have to feel crazy, or angry. 776 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:45,648 You can just do your time and stay away from that asshole. 777 00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,326 It's just that, Larry, now this... 778 00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,087 This means that I'm the asshole. 779 00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:59,401 Swing shift guard detail. P.m. cell check to commence at 2130 hours. 780 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,122 What are you talking about, Cesar can't make it? 781 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,531 I don't know. That's what he said. 782 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,365 I take a fall for that motherfucker, the least he could do is visit. 783 00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,805 Is he paying rent? Is he buying groceries? 784 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,285 Yeah, but I don't want him in the apartment. 785 00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,840 Why? Is he bringing girls home? 786 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:58,200 No. Because he... 787 00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,601 Hey, I have an idea, you want to ask how we're doing? 788 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,728 - Mommy. - Answer the question. 789 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,171 Is he fucking around? 790 00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,722 I did answer the question. 791 00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,246 You know we took a bus three hours to get here? 792 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,005 Mommy, I made a paper airplane. 793 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,161 Are you fucking him? 794 00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:16,089 Please. You have got to be kidding me. 795 00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:19,011 - Mommy! - What? 796 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:20,610 I made a paper airplane. 797 00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,930 - Where's your stupid paper airplane? - At home. 798 00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,240 Well, then why do I care? 799 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,766 You want to show me something? You can't show me something I can't see! 800 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,126 What are you, stupid? 801 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,529 You tell that motherfucker he better visit. He owes me. 802 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,365 When in the visitation room, you're allowed two hugs. 803 00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,400 One on arrival, and one on departure. 804 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:49,691 Good, you're home. 805 00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,005 Won't you make us something to eat? 806 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,690 Take off. Be out. 807 00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,721 How your tits be so big, your mom's so small, huh? 808 00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,326 - Well, I guess I get 'em from my dad. - Yeah? 809 00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,291 You said five minutes. 810 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,522 Please. I just need five more minutes. 811 00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:34,201 That's all. This is a very important phone call. 812 00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:37,329 I'm on hold. It's about my company. 813 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,971 Man, I doubt you even got a company. You all talk. 814 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:41,651 See, there you go. 815 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,171 Piper? Are you still there? 816 00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:44,651 Yes, I'm right here. What's going on? 817 00:50:44,720 --> 00:50:47,200 I'm in a conference with Weiner on the other line. How do I punch you in? 818 00:50:48,240 --> 00:50:49,685 I don't know, it's your phone. 819 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,047 All right, hold on. I have to ask Pete. I'll be right back. 820 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,360 - No, no, no! Polly, wait, I don't... - Pete! 821 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,568 Polly, Polly, Polly... 822 00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:59,890 Please revise count. It is not clear. Please conduct a recount. 823 00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:13,848 Hey. Hey! 824 00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,684 Hey! Hey! Hey! 825 00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,006 - Hey! Get off, man! - There it is! 826 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,048 Look! There it is! There's the... 827 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,851 Hey! Hey! Are you using the phone? 828 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:22,961 Yes! I'm on hold. 829 00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,283 Hey! Hey! Make your call or free up the phone now. 830 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,170 Okay, Piper? I figured it out. 831 00:51:33,240 --> 00:51:35,402 Everyone's on the other line. I'm punching you in, okay? 832 00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:39,442 Piper? Piper, are you there? 833 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:43,366 Dandelion ain't here right now. She gone to chase the chicken. 834 00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,320 Chapman! 835 00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,724 What did I tell you about running in the yard? 836 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,211 I'm sorry, sir. It's just that... 837 00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:58,805 Both feet on the ground at all times. What? 838 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,963 Nothing. Just trying to get some fitness, that's all. 839 00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,725 Two speeds in my yard. Walk and shuffle.