Subs created by: David Coleman.
Hey, Kennedy! What's up?
What's up? What's up?
I'll tell you what's up. Unemployment, ocean levels, the national debt!
And me, I'm up! Fed up with you!
- Well, that was weird. - No kidding.
Unemployment is actually down a tenth of a point this week.
She seems really mean,
which is odd because Fletcher has been dating her for weeks now.
And he seems completely devoted to her.
More garbage, my darling?
What are you doing?
You're completely humiliating yourself.
I have a good reason.
Not you.
I was talking to the goat.
I'm trying to break up with Kennedy.
So you can date the goat?
No.
Every time I try to end things with Kennedy, I get
confused when she uses all her fancy debate terms like...
"Burden of proof" and "shut it, I'm talking".
So I'm trying to create a scandal that will threaten her political future.
When she sees this, she'll have no choice but to break up with me.
- Fletcher! - Kennedy!
It's not what it looks like!
Well, what it looks like to me is that you're an animal lover.
Oh, no.
My secret is out.
And I'm glad it is.
Huh?
The latest polls have shown that Americans prefer animals to humans by a wide margin.
This will give a huge boost to my campaign.
Let me get a picture of you and the goat.
Kissing.
Excuse me?
Kiss the goat!
Not for me, but for our fellow citizens!
Let the people of this great nation see how much you love animals!
Oh, yeah! As a future voter, I'd like to see that.
♪Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo.
Woo!
♪Everybody's got that thing.
♪Something different, we all bring.
♪Don't you let 'em, clip your wings.
♪You got it! You got it!
♪We're on fire and we blaze, in extraordinary ways.
♪365 days.
♪We got it! We got it!
♪You can dream it. You can be it.
♪If you can feel it, you can believe it!
♪Because I am, you are, we are...
♪Exceptional.
♪Exceptional!
♪Yeah, I am, you are, we are...
♪Exceptional.
♪Exceptional!
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
Woo!
So, Olive.
Rumor has it you totally bombed your math test.
I did. Look at this!
A 93! That's the lowest A you can get!
My future is over!
Now, I'll have to go to some clown college. Like Cornell!
Well, you're dressed for clown college.
I don't understand how this happened.
My eidetic memory has always made taking tests easy as pie.
An expression I never understood, because making a pie is not easy.
Especially the crust. The crust is everything.
Math isn't about rote memorization.
It's about problem solving.
Something you clearly haven't mastered
or you would have solved the problem of your irritating personality.
I know!
And the worst part is, the teacher said I need to get a tutor.
Wow. I pity the poor soul who gets stuck having to tutor you.
What a nightmare.
It's me, isn't it?
There's Kennedy. She's so mean.
What are you doing?
I don't want her to notice me, so I'm trying to blend in.
I'm pretending to be a coffee table.
But you don't look anything like a coffee table.
Hey! Use a coaster!
Hey, Olive. I love your hair today.
It reminds me of amber waves of grain,
a staple of our great nation's farming industry.
Also, we have a coffee table at home that looks just like this.
Thank you!
I mean...
Table sound.
Well, if you like her hair, what do you think about my new purple outfit?
Doesn't it just scream "purple mountain majesties?"
Really, Chyna?
Purple is the color of royalty.
You might as well just slap a crown on your head
and pretend the Revolutionary War never happened!
You were right. She is so nice.
She just hates you.
But she can't hate me.
Kennedy and Fletcher are a couple now, and if she doesn't like me, then,
we'll never get to hang out with him.
Perfect! He'll be out of our lives forever!
And isn't his birthday coming up? Now we won't have to get him a present!
I don't want him out of our lives.
I need to do something about this.
Oh, I know what this is about.
You just can't deal with people not liking you.
That is so not true.
And what do you mean "people" not liking me, who else doesn't like me?
Let's not focus on the dozens of people who don't like you.
Let's just focus on the reason why Kennedy can't stand the sight of you.
You know what?
I'm just going to talk to Kennedy and get to the bottom of this.
I mean, she seems approachable.
- Hey, Kennedy... - Security breach!
Wait! I just have one question.
You guys like me, right?
Lexi, thank you for tutoring me.
Well, my friends rate is $20 an hour.
So for you, 30.
Okay, let's start off with some polynomial functions.
When solving for x, the first step is to find the degree of the polynomial.
Okay. So...
Two x-squared plus three x minus two...
Why are you sweeping?
Oh, I think better when I clean. Don't mind me.
Legs!
So whenever we study, you have to clean?
No. I don't have to clean.
I want to clean.
I'm not some freak.
Two x-squared plus three x minus two...
You know what?
I think, we need to find a better place to study.
My room!
And why is this better than studying in my room?
Because studies show that people learn better by changing their environments.
- Oh, I read that study. - You did?
Yeah. Cognitive psychologists have found that when you study
you can improve your comprehension and retention by altering your locations.
Although, if that were true,
wouldn't flight attendants be the smartest people in the world?
Free vacations and dates with pilots?
Aren't they?
Anyway, I've provided you with some sample trigonometry problems.
I've also provided you with hampers for whites, lights, darks and hand-wash only.
Lexi, I don't know what to do.
I want to ask Kennedy what her problem is with me, but she won't even talk to me.
Can you believe that?
No one's ever treated me that way before.
It's like I don't even exist.
Well, maybe she just has nothing nice to say to me,
so she'd rather not say anything at all.
Well, whatever the reason, I need to fix the situation.
But how?
I can't even get close to her because she's hired her own,
Secret Service guys to make her look more presidential.
That's it.
Great idea! Thanks, Lexi!
It's time for your break, Mark.
I mean Dan.
Steve?
Jeff?
Tim?
Ms. Van Buren, I need to warn you about a potential threat.
We've intercepted chatter that people have been impersonating Secret Service agents.
Is there anyone you know who doesn't like you?
Or more importantly, anyone you don't like?
And if so, why? Let's go alphabetically.
Starting with the letter C-H.
- Before we do that, I have one request. - Name it.
Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, Chyna!
Kennedy, wait!
Oh!
It's time for your break, Vic.
I mean Frank.
Elliot?
Patrick?
Vincent?
Kennedy! Do you seriously think I'm trying to steal your boyfriend?
Yes. Like all girls, you find Fletcher irresistible.
Fletcher?
Did you break up with the Fletcher I know
and start dating some gorgeous model named Fletcher?
Stop pretending like you're not interested.
Kennedy, I'm not.
I am actually thrilled that he's found someone and that he's so in love.
He said that?
He said he's in love?
Well, we haven't actually discussed it, but I can tell.
He even has a picture of you next to his bed.
Take this, Kennedy!
In fact, I bet he's missing you right now.
Chyna, I really appreciate you helping me
figure out what to get Fletcher for his birthday.
What can I say? I'm a likeable friend. Who you like.
Am I right, guys?
Anyway, I'm thinking of getting Fletcher a lunch with
former Deputy Secretary of Defense, Paul Wolfowitz.
I think his Grandma Dottie got him that for Christmas.
But you know what he'd really love?
If you threw him a surprise party.
You can get all his friends to come.
Plus some other random people so the room doesn't seem so empty.
Great! We'll have lots of red, white, and blue streamers.
Actually, Fletcher is afraid of streamers.
Why?
Hey, look at me! I'm a streamer mummy.
Pinata time!
Fine, but we can have tons of balloons!
Actually, Fletcher is afraid of balloons.
Why would he be afraid of balloons?
Behold the wonders of static electricity.
Fine.
You take him out to dinner while we set everything up.
Then I'll send a text to Fletcher and tell him to meet me in the boys' lounge.
Then, when he walks in, everybody will jump up and yell, "surprise!"
Actually, Fletcher's afraid of the word "surprise".
Why?
Surprise!
Is that supposed to scare me?
Ooh, I'm startled!
Did I say "surprise"? I meant "duck".
I think it might be safer if we said something else that meant surprise.
How about everyone jumps out and yells, "unforeseen circumstance!"
A 95. That's good.
That's five less than 100.
I just needed a little help in math, I'm not five.
Five! Very good!
One, two, three, four, five.
Since you need a little bit more help,
we're going to study in Angus's room today.
That makes sense. But do I really need this math cart?
Yes.
Where else are you going to keep your graph paper?
And your toilet paper?
Now let's get cracking.
I have a whole list of other places we need to study later.
For instance, at 3:30...
We're studying at a six bedroom house in Santa Cruz.
Tutoring.
Hey, we said $20.
I'm only paying half because I thought she was going to be in a cute maid's outfit.
The trash you don't eat still needs to be thrown away.
What were you, raised in a barn?
Dude, as much as I enjoy watching you and your goat wife bicker...
I have it on good authority that Kennedy and Chyna have become friends.
That's very good for you.
The girlfriend I can't stand is now friends with the girlfriend I can't get?
How is that good?
Kennedy will talk to Chyna about what a great guy you are.
And Chyna will realize what she's missing out on.
Then, she'll ask you out.
You really think so?
Isn't that what happens in every Shakespeare play?
I'm asking because I don't know. I have a report due.
Hey, Fletcher. Since tomorrow is your birthday
I was hoping I could do something special for you.
Can I take you out to dinner?
Perfect. Then let's meet here tomorrow at 6:00.
You were right.
Chyna is totally into me!
This is going to be the best birthday ever!
"Meh"?
Really? Everything's "meh" with you. I'm tired of your negativity.
I didn't know they even sold math smocks.
The calculator apron is convenient and stylish.
But do we really need to have our tutoring session in this hotel?
Yes. What better place to study math?
I read that Pythagoras came up with his theorem at a Snuggle Time Comfort Lodge.
Anyway, I'll be back in two hours to check in on your work.
You focus on quadratic equations. In every room.
Except for the ones that say "do not disturb".
Somebody else is studying in those rooms.
So if A-squared equals B-squared plus C-squared
minus two B-C cosine A, then B-squared equals...
Mother of pearl!
Where did all this hair come from?
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
Principal Skidmore?
Student I barely remember?
What are you doing here?
And why do you have a math smock?
I'm not Principal Skidmore anymore.
Because you Ants left Webster, I lost my job.
Well, that and because I drove my car through the wall of the school.
Sorry to hear that.
Are you kidding? Best thing that ever happened to me.
I get a lot more respect as a maid than I ever did as a high school Principal.
But now I've lost my job again thanks to you and your cut-rate maid services!
There must be some misunderstanding. I'm not a maid.
Lexi's just my math tutor and she thought it would be good if I studied here
with my math cart, wearing my math smock, and,
for some reason she told me to put little mints on the pillows once I was...
What the heck? I'm a maid!
Not on my turf, you're not!
Hey! Easy with my geometry wand! I need that to draw circles!
Thanks for dinner. I always like to try new, unusual ethnic foods.
You had spaghetti with butter.
Spaghetti! It just sounds so exotic!
So, you want to go back to the boys' lounge for some dessert? I have...
Some jelly beans!
No! Um...
Let's go up to the roof.
It's a beautiful night to gaze at the stars.
Okay.
Look at the stars. They're beautiful.
But not as beautiful as you.
Yeah, the stars just go on forever.
Kind of like this evening.
So...
Do you know anything about constellations?
Do I ever.
Just eat a bran muffin and things will start moving again.
Fletcher. You are really...
Weird.
Special.
Thanks. I think you're special, too.
Nothing girls like more than healthy bowel tips.
I am crushing it!
So, what should we do?
How about this?
What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I thought that's what you wanted.
No, we're just friends!
Besides, you have a girlfriend! You love her!
I don't love her. She's a goat.
I was talking about Kennedy.
I only started dating her to get you interested in me.
But clearly you're not.
And I've been trying to break up with Kennedy for weeks,
but she never lets me get the words out.
I totally missed that.
It's a text from Kennedy.
She wants me to meet her in the boys' lounge.
You know what?
I'm just going to march in there and blurt out that I'm breaking up with her,
before she has a chance to say anything and talk me out of it.
No! Wait! You can't!
Surprise!
Kennedy, I don't know how to say this, but you need to cancel the party.
What do you mean cancel the party?
I am so sorry, but Fletcher is not in love with you.
He told me he was planning to burst in here and break up with you.
I would have told you sooner, but it was an unforeseen circumstance!
Unforeseen circumstance!
Man, you guys are some good hiders!
I thought we were friends, Chyna.
I can't believe you would come in here and lie to my face!
What are you talking about?
You just want me to cancel the party and break up
with Fletcher so you can have him for yourself!
Kennedy, please, just call off the party, quick!
Because once those doors open,
this is going to be the most humiliating moment of your life!
- Kennedy, I... - Unforeseen circumstance!
Kennedy, there's something I need to tell you.
Something I should have said a long time ago.
- Fletcher, wait... - No, I need to say this.
Kennedy...
You are the sweetest girlfriend in the whole world!
This is why no one likes you.
What happened?
- I thought you didn't like her. - I thought so too.
But I guess I was so focused on the fact she wasn't you I,
couldn't see all her good qualities.
And look, there are no scary streamers or balloons.
Only someone who really cares about me would think of details like that.
You're right.
Well, I'm just happy you're happy.
Fletcher, Sweetie, you want to dance?
It's a slow song.
Okay.
Now that was a surprise.
Why did we name that duck Surprise?
And teach it to come when we call it?
There you are, Olive. What are you still doing in the same room?
Oh!
You're working on geometry.
Guess who I ran into?
Who?
Principal Skidmore, the old maid.
Who, unrelated to her nickname, "the old maid"...
Is literally the old maid.
Because apparently I'm the new maid!
Well you won't be the new maid for long talking to your supervisor like that.
I can't believe you've been charging people $20 for me to clean their rooms
while I've been paying you $30 to tutor me!
I don't know how you thought you'd get away with this,
but nobody pulls the wool over my eyes!
Except for me, when I put on a wool turtleneck!
You're right. I'm sorry. I have been treating you unfairly.
And to make it up to you...
I won't charge you $30 an hour anymore.
I'll charge you 20.
Thank you!
No one takes advantage of Olive Doyle.
Hey, new girl, get in here. This is a two-person job.
No one.
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend. Www.Addic7ed.Com.