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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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Hey, Kennedy! What's up?
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What's up? What's up?
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I'll tell you what's up. Unemployment,
ocean levels, the national debt!
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And me, I'm up! Fed up with you!
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- Well, that was weird.
- No kidding.
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Unemployment is actually down
a tenth of a point this week.
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She seems really mean,
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which is odd because Fletcher
has been dating her for weeks now.
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And he seems completely devoted to her.
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More garbage, my darling?
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What are you doing?
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You're completely humiliating yourself.
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I have a good reason.
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Not you.
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I was talking to the goat.
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I'm trying to break up with Kennedy.
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So you can date the goat?
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No.
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Every time I try to end
things with Kennedy, I get
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confused when she uses all
her fancy debate terms like...
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"Burden of proof" and
"shut it, I'm talking".
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So I'm trying to create a scandal that
will threaten her political future.
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When she sees this, she'll have
no choice but to break up with me.
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- Fletcher!
- Kennedy!
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It's not what it looks like!
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Well, what it looks like to me
is that you're an animal lover.
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Oh, no.
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My secret is out.
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And I'm glad it is.
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Huh?
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The latest polls have shown that Americans
prefer animals to humans by a wide margin.
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This will give a huge
boost to my campaign.
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Let me get a picture
of you and the goat.
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Kissing.
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Excuse me?
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Kiss the goat!
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Not for me, but for our fellow citizens!
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Let the people of this great nation
see how much you love animals!
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Oh, yeah! As a future
voter, I'd like to see that.
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♪Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo.
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♪Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo.
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Woo!
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♪Everybody's got that thing.
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♪Something different, we all bring.
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♪Don't you let 'em, clip your wings.
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♪You got it! You got it!
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♪We're on fire and we
blaze, in extraordinary ways.
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♪365 days.
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♪We got it! We got it!
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♪You can dream it. You can be it.
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♪If you can feel
it, you can believe it!
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♪Because I am, you are, we are...
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♪Exceptional.
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♪Exceptional!
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♪Yeah, I am, you are, we are...
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♪Exceptional.
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♪Exceptional!
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♪Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
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Woo!
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So, Olive.
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Rumor has it you totally
bombed your math test.
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I did. Look at this!
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A 93! That's the lowest A you can get!
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My future is over!
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Now, I'll have to go to some
clown college. Like Cornell!
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Well, you're dressed for clown college.
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I don't understand how this happened.
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My eidetic memory has always
made taking tests easy as pie.
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An expression I never understood,
because making a pie is not easy.
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Especially the crust.
The crust is everything.
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Math isn't about rote memorization.
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It's about problem solving.
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Something you clearly haven't mastered
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or you would have solved the problem
of your irritating personality.
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I know!
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And the worst part is, the
teacher said I need to get a tutor.
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Wow. I pity the poor soul who
gets stuck having to tutor you.
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What a nightmare.
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It's me, isn't it?
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There's Kennedy. She's so mean.
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What are you doing?
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I don't want her to notice
me, so I'm trying to blend in.
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I'm pretending to be a coffee table.
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But you don't look anything
like a coffee table.
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Hey! Use a coaster!
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Hey, Olive. I love your hair today.
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It reminds me of amber waves of grain,
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a staple of our great
nation's farming industry.
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Also, we have a coffee table at
home that looks just like this.
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Thank you!
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I mean...
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Table sound.
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Well, if you like her hair, what do
you think about my new purple outfit?
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Doesn't it just scream
"purple mountain majesties?"
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Really, Chyna?
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Purple is the color of royalty.
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You might as well just
slap a crown on your head
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and pretend the Revolutionary
War never happened!
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You were right. She is so nice.
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She just hates you.
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But she can't hate me.
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Kennedy and Fletcher are a couple
now, and if she doesn't like me, then,
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we'll never get to hang out with him.
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Perfect! He'll be out
of our lives forever!
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And isn't his birthday coming up? Now
we won't have to get him a present!
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I don't want him out of our lives.
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I need to do something about this.
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Oh, I know what this is about.
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You just can't deal with
people not liking you.
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That is so not true.
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And what do you mean "people" not
liking me, who else doesn't like me?
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Let's not focus on the dozens
of people who don't like you.
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Let's just focus on the reason why
Kennedy can't stand the sight of you.
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You know what?
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I'm just going to talk to Kennedy
and get to the bottom of this.
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I mean, she seems approachable.
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- Hey, Kennedy...
- Security breach!
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Wait! I just have one question.
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You guys like me, right?
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Lexi, thank you for tutoring me.
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Well, my friends rate is $20 an hour.
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So for you, 30.
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Okay, let's start off with
some polynomial functions.
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When solving for x, the first step is
to find the degree of the polynomial.
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Okay. So...
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Two x-squared plus three x minus two...
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Why are you sweeping?
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Oh, I think better when
I clean. Don't mind me.
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Legs!
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So whenever we study, you have to clean?
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No. I don't have to clean.
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I want to clean.
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I'm not some freak.
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Two x-squared plus three x minus two...
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You know what?
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I think, we need to find
a better place to study.
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My room!
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And why is this better
than studying in my room?
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Because studies show that people learn
better by changing their environments.
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- Oh, I read that study.
- You did?
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Yeah. Cognitive psychologists
have found that when you study
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you can improve your comprehension and
retention by altering your locations.
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Although, if that were true,
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wouldn't flight attendants be
the smartest people in the world?
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Free vacations and dates with pilots?
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Aren't they?
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Anyway, I've provided you with
some sample trigonometry problems.
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I've also provided you with hampers for
whites, lights, darks and hand-wash only.
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Lexi, I don't know what to do.
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I want to ask Kennedy what her problem
is with me, but she won't even talk to me.
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Can you believe that?
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No one's ever treated
me that way before.
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It's like I don't even exist.
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Well, maybe she just has
nothing nice to say to me,
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so she'd rather not say anything at all.
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Well, whatever the reason,
I need to fix the situation.
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But how?
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I can't even get close to her
because she's hired her own,
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Secret Service guys to make
her look more presidential.
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That's it.
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Great idea! Thanks, Lexi!
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It's time for your break, Mark.
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I mean Dan.
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Steve?
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Jeff?
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Tim?
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Ms. Van Buren, I need to warn
you about a potential threat.
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We've intercepted chatter that people have
been impersonating Secret Service agents.
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Is there anyone you know
who doesn't like you?
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Or more importantly,
anyone you don't like?
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And if so, why? Let's go alphabetically.
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Starting with the letter C-H.
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- Before we do that, I have one request.
- Name it.
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Stop trying to steal
my boyfriend, Chyna!
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Kennedy, wait!
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Oh!
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It's time for your break, Vic.
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I mean Frank.
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Elliot?
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Patrick?
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Vincent?
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Kennedy! Do you seriously think
I'm trying to steal your boyfriend?
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Yes. Like all girls, you
find Fletcher irresistible.
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Fletcher?
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Did you break up with
the Fletcher I know
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and start dating some
gorgeous model named Fletcher?
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Stop pretending like
you're not interested.
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Kennedy, I'm not.
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I am actually thrilled that he's
found someone and that he's so in love.
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He said that?
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He said he's in love?
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Well, we haven't actually
discussed it, but I can tell.
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He even has a picture
of you next to his bed.
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Take this, Kennedy!
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In fact, I bet he's
missing you right now.
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Chyna, I really
appreciate you helping me
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figure out what to get
Fletcher for his birthday.
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What can I say? I'm a
likeable friend. Who you like.
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Am I right, guys?
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Anyway, I'm thinking of
getting Fletcher a lunch with
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former Deputy Secretary
of Defense, Paul Wolfowitz.
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I think his Grandma Dottie
got him that for Christmas.
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But you know what he'd really love?
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If you threw him a surprise party.
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You can get all his friends to come.
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Plus some other random people so
the room doesn't seem so empty.
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00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:16,024
Great! We'll have lots of
red, white, and blue streamers.
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00:11:16,025 --> 00:11:19,025
Actually, Fletcher is
afraid of streamers.
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Why?
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Hey, look at me! I'm a streamer mummy.
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Pinata time!
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00:11:34,384 --> 00:11:38,116
Fine, but we can have tons of balloons!
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00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:41,524
Actually, Fletcher
is afraid of balloons.
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00:11:41,525 --> 00:11:44,326
Why would he be afraid of balloons?
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Behold the wonders
of static electricity.
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Fine.
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You take him out to dinner
while we set everything up.
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00:12:01,144 --> 00:12:04,313
Then I'll send a text to Fletcher and
tell him to meet me in the boys' lounge.
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00:12:04,314 --> 00:12:08,450
Then, when he walks in, everybody
will jump up and yell, "surprise!"
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00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:11,801
Actually, Fletcher's afraid
of the word "surprise".
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Why?
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Surprise!
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Is that supposed to scare me?
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Ooh, I'm startled!
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Did I say "surprise"? I meant "duck".
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00:12:27,361 --> 00:12:31,073
I think it might be safer if we said
something else that meant surprise.
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How about everyone jumps out and
yells, "unforeseen circumstance!"
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A 95. That's good.
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That's five less than 100.
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I just needed a little
help in math, I'm not five.
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Five! Very good!
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One, two, three, four, five.
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Since you need a little bit more help,
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we're going to study
in Angus's room today.
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00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:12,164
That makes sense. But do I
really need this math cart?
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00:13:12,382 --> 00:13:13,744
Yes.
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00:13:13,745 --> 00:13:16,938
Where else are you going
to keep your graph paper?
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00:13:16,939 --> 00:13:20,059
And your toilet paper?
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00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,557
Now let's get cracking.
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I have a whole list of other
places we need to study later.
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For instance, at 3:30...
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We're studying at a six
bedroom house in Santa Cruz.
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Tutoring.
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Tutoring.
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Hey, we said $20.
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I'm only paying half because I thought she
was going to be in a cute maid's outfit.
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00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:08,992
The trash you don't eat
still needs to be thrown away.
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What were you, raised in a barn?
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Dude, as much as I enjoy watching
you and your goat wife bicker...
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I have it on good authority that
Kennedy and Chyna have become friends.
252
00:14:22,054 --> 00:14:23,905
That's very good for you.
253
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:27,707
The girlfriend I can't stand is now
friends with the girlfriend I can't get?
254
00:14:27,708 --> 00:14:29,009
How is that good?
255
00:14:29,010 --> 00:14:32,174
Kennedy will talk to Chyna
about what a great guy you are.
256
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,748
And Chyna will realize
what she's missing out on.
257
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,783
Then, she'll ask you out.
258
00:14:36,784 --> 00:14:38,785
You really think so?
259
00:14:38,786 --> 00:14:43,255
Isn't that what happens
in every Shakespeare play?
260
00:14:43,256 --> 00:14:48,836
I'm asking because I don't
know. I have a report due.
261
00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:51,601
Hey, Fletcher. Since
tomorrow is your birthday
262
00:14:51,602 --> 00:14:54,072
I was hoping I could do
something special for you.
263
00:14:54,073 --> 00:14:57,793
Can I take you out to dinner?
264
00:14:58,303 --> 00:15:03,281
Perfect. Then let's meet
here tomorrow at 6:00.
265
00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:04,744
You were right.
266
00:15:04,745 --> 00:15:06,713
Chyna is totally into me!
267
00:15:06,714 --> 00:15:11,454
This is going to be
the best birthday ever!
268
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,147
"Meh"?
269
00:15:14,148 --> 00:15:20,048
Really? Everything's "meh" with
you. I'm tired of your negativity.
270
00:15:24,136 --> 00:15:27,531
I didn't know they
even sold math smocks.
271
00:15:27,532 --> 00:15:32,392
The calculator apron is
convenient and stylish.
272
00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:36,611
But do we really need to have our
tutoring session in this hotel?
273
00:15:36,612 --> 00:15:40,323
Yes. What better place to study math?
274
00:15:40,324 --> 00:15:46,224
I read that Pythagoras came up with his
theorem at a Snuggle Time Comfort Lodge.
275
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:50,869
Anyway, I'll be back in two
hours to check in on your work.
276
00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:54,840
You focus on quadratic
equations. In every room.
277
00:15:54,841 --> 00:15:58,677
Except for the ones that
say "do not disturb".
278
00:15:58,678 --> 00:16:02,548
Somebody else is
studying in those rooms.
279
00:16:02,549 --> 00:16:05,563
So if A-squared equals
B-squared plus C-squared
280
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:09,494
minus two B-C cosine A,
then B-squared equals...
281
00:16:09,495 --> 00:16:12,195
Mother of pearl!
282
00:16:12,559 --> 00:16:16,090
Where did all this hair come from?
283
00:16:16,091 --> 00:16:18,928
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
284
00:16:18,929 --> 00:16:20,946
Principal Skidmore?
285
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:24,307
Student I barely remember?
286
00:16:26,369 --> 00:16:27,943
What are you doing here?
287
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:30,469
And why do you have a math smock?
288
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:32,612
I'm not Principal Skidmore anymore.
289
00:16:32,613 --> 00:16:36,048
Because you Ants left
Webster, I lost my job.
290
00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:39,818
Well, that and because I drove my
car through the wall of the school.
291
00:16:39,819 --> 00:16:41,487
Sorry to hear that.
292
00:16:41,488 --> 00:16:44,130
Are you kidding? Best thing
that ever happened to me.
293
00:16:44,131 --> 00:16:48,494
I get a lot more respect as a maid than
I ever did as a high school Principal.
294
00:16:48,495 --> 00:16:53,085
But now I've lost my job again thanks
to you and your cut-rate maid services!
295
00:16:53,086 --> 00:16:55,669
There must be some
misunderstanding. I'm not a maid.
296
00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:58,750
Lexi's just my math tutor and she
thought it would be good if I studied here
297
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,275
with my math cart,
wearing my math smock, and,
298
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:05,344
for some reason she told me to put
little mints on the pillows once I was...
299
00:17:05,345 --> 00:17:08,885
What the heck? I'm a maid!
300
00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:10,944
Not on my turf, you're not!
301
00:17:10,945 --> 00:17:16,845
Hey! Easy with my geometry wand!
I need that to draw circles!
302
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:26,599
Thanks for dinner. I always like
to try new, unusual ethnic foods.
303
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,702
You had spaghetti with butter.
304
00:17:29,703 --> 00:17:33,783
Spaghetti! It just sounds so exotic!
305
00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:37,532
So, you want to go back to the boys'
lounge for some dessert? I have...
306
00:17:37,533 --> 00:17:40,162
Some jelly beans!
307
00:17:40,163 --> 00:17:42,192
No! Um...
308
00:17:42,193 --> 00:17:44,299
Let's go up to the roof.
309
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:49,160
It's a beautiful night
to gaze at the stars.
310
00:17:49,799 --> 00:17:51,719
Okay.
311
00:17:52,726 --> 00:17:56,926
Look at the stars. They're beautiful.
312
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:59,665
But not as beautiful as you.
313
00:17:59,666 --> 00:18:03,536
Yeah, the stars just go on forever.
314
00:18:03,537 --> 00:18:06,606
Kind of like this evening.
315
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,407
So...
316
00:18:08,408 --> 00:18:10,743
Do you know anything
about constellations?
317
00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:12,778
Do I ever.
318
00:18:12,779 --> 00:18:17,717
Just eat a bran muffin and
things will start moving again.
319
00:18:17,718 --> 00:18:20,016
Fletcher. You are really...
320
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:20,867
Weird.
321
00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:22,968
Special.
322
00:18:23,557 --> 00:18:25,658
Thanks. I think you're special, too.
323
00:18:25,659 --> 00:18:28,661
Nothing girls like more
than healthy bowel tips.
324
00:18:28,662 --> 00:18:31,482
I am crushing it!
325
00:18:35,769 --> 00:18:38,334
So, what should we do?
326
00:18:38,335 --> 00:18:40,975
How about this?
327
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:45,948
What are you doing?
328
00:18:45,949 --> 00:18:48,614
I'm sorry. I thought
that's what you wanted.
329
00:18:48,615 --> 00:18:51,651
No, we're just friends!
330
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,687
Besides, you have a
girlfriend! You love her!
331
00:18:54,688 --> 00:18:58,648
I don't love her. She's a goat.
332
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:01,066
I was talking about Kennedy.
333
00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:04,530
I only started dating her
to get you interested in me.
334
00:19:04,531 --> 00:19:06,499
But clearly you're not.
335
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,080
And I've been trying to break
up with Kennedy for weeks,
336
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,302
but she never lets me get the words out.
337
00:19:11,303 --> 00:19:14,423
I totally missed that.
338
00:19:17,744 --> 00:19:19,512
It's a text from Kennedy.
339
00:19:19,513 --> 00:19:21,747
She wants me to meet
her in the boys' lounge.
340
00:19:21,748 --> 00:19:22,750
You know what?
341
00:19:22,751 --> 00:19:25,338
I'm just going to march in there and
blurt out that I'm breaking up with her,
342
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:27,382
before she has a chance to say
anything and talk me out of it.
343
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,622
No! Wait! You can't!
344
00:19:29,623 --> 00:19:31,783
Surprise!
345
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:38,497
Kennedy, I don't know how to say
this, but you need to cancel the party.
346
00:19:38,498 --> 00:19:40,128
What do you mean cancel the party?
347
00:19:40,129 --> 00:19:43,602
I am so sorry, but Fletcher
is not in love with you.
348
00:19:43,603 --> 00:19:46,539
He told me he was planning to
burst in here and break up with you.
349
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:50,211
I would have told you sooner, but
it was an unforeseen circumstance!
350
00:19:50,212 --> 00:19:53,105
Unforeseen circumstance!
351
00:19:53,106 --> 00:19:57,186
Man, you guys are some good hiders!
352
00:19:58,819 --> 00:20:00,720
I thought we were friends, Chyna.
353
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:04,490
I can't believe you would come
in here and lie to my face!
354
00:20:04,491 --> 00:20:05,707
What are you talking about?
355
00:20:05,708 --> 00:20:07,686
You just want me to cancel
the party and break up
356
00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:10,252
with Fletcher so you can
have him for yourself!
357
00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:12,665
Kennedy, please, just
call off the party, quick!
358
00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:14,594
Because once those doors open,
359
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:19,054
this is going to be the most
humiliating moment of your life!
360
00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:23,435
- Kennedy, I...
- Unforeseen circumstance!
361
00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:29,749
Kennedy, there's something
I need to tell you.
362
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,650
Something I should have
said a long time ago.
363
00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:36,451
- Fletcher, wait...
- No, I need to say this.
364
00:20:36,623 --> 00:20:38,843
Kennedy...
365
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:44,224
You are the sweetest
girlfriend in the whole world!
366
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:51,621
This is why no one likes you.
367
00:20:52,739 --> 00:20:54,202
What happened?
368
00:20:54,203 --> 00:20:56,776
- I thought you didn't like her.
- I thought so too.
369
00:20:56,777 --> 00:21:00,728
But I guess I was so focused
on the fact she wasn't you I,
370
00:21:00,729 --> 00:21:02,815
couldn't see all her good qualities.
371
00:21:02,816 --> 00:21:06,076
And look, there are no
scary streamers or balloons.
372
00:21:06,077 --> 00:21:10,589
Only someone who really cares about
me would think of details like that.
373
00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:12,591
You're right.
374
00:21:12,592 --> 00:21:16,490
Well, I'm just happy you're happy.
375
00:21:16,491 --> 00:21:18,397
Fletcher, Sweetie, you want to dance?
376
00:21:18,398 --> 00:21:21,146
It's a slow song.
377
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,067
Okay.
378
00:21:24,638 --> 00:21:27,938
Now that was a surprise.
379
00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:33,133
Why did we name that duck Surprise?
380
00:21:33,134 --> 00:21:37,454
And teach it to come when we call it?
381
00:21:44,316 --> 00:21:50,216
There you are, Olive. What are
you still doing in the same room?
382
00:21:50,697 --> 00:21:52,024
Oh!
383
00:21:52,025 --> 00:21:54,733
You're working on geometry.
384
00:21:54,734 --> 00:21:57,854
Guess who I ran into?
385
00:22:04,984 --> 00:22:06,844
Who?
386
00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:09,788
Principal Skidmore, the old maid.
387
00:22:09,789 --> 00:22:13,035
Who, unrelated to her
nickname, "the old maid"...
388
00:22:13,036 --> 00:22:16,456
Is literally the old maid.
389
00:22:17,161 --> 00:22:20,442
Because apparently I'm the new maid!
390
00:22:20,443 --> 00:22:26,079
Well you won't be the new maid for long
talking to your supervisor like that.
391
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,837
I can't believe you've been charging
people $20 for me to clean their rooms
392
00:22:29,838 --> 00:22:32,863
while I've been paying
you $30 to tutor me!
393
00:22:32,864 --> 00:22:35,055
I don't know how you thought
you'd get away with this,
394
00:22:35,056 --> 00:22:37,511
but nobody pulls the wool over my eyes!
395
00:22:37,512 --> 00:22:41,519
Except for me, when I
put on a wool turtleneck!
396
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,569
You're right. I'm sorry. I
have been treating you unfairly.
397
00:22:45,570 --> 00:22:47,727
And to make it up to you...
398
00:22:47,728 --> 00:22:50,544
I won't charge you $30 an hour anymore.
399
00:22:50,545 --> 00:22:53,545
I'll charge you 20.
400
00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:56,610
Thank you!
401
00:22:57,629 --> 00:23:01,155
No one takes advantage of Olive Doyle.
402
00:23:01,156 --> 00:23:06,676
Hey, new girl, get in here.
This is a two-person job.
403
00:23:07,407 --> 00:23:09,507
No one.
404
00:23:11,047 --> 00:23:16,947
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