1
00:00:04,054 --> 00:00:06,755
Narrator: That afternoon
at the Farhampton Inn,
2
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:09,325
Aunt Lily and I
tried to check in.
3
00:00:09,327 --> 00:00:10,492
Are you chewing gum?
4
00:00:10,494 --> 00:00:11,727
You never chew gum.
5
00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:13,662
You shouldn't chew gum
in here.
6
00:00:13,664 --> 00:00:16,332
Nobody cares if
I chew gum, Ted.
7
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:17,399
Are you chewing gum?
8
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:19,234
Yes, she is.
She's chewing gum.
9
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,569
Ooh, can I have a piece?
10
00:00:20,571 --> 00:00:22,304
Of course!
Great.
11
00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:23,339
Thank you.
12
00:00:23,341 --> 00:00:24,606
Okay, let's chew some gum
13
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,275
And get you guys
all checked in.
14
00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:28,310
Ms. Aldrin, how many
keys will you need?
15
00:00:28,312 --> 00:00:29,311
Two, please.
16
00:00:29,313 --> 00:00:30,346
My husband's
getting in later.
17
00:00:30,348 --> 00:00:31,981
Excellent, and Mr. Mosby?
18
00:00:31,983 --> 00:00:33,015
Uh, just one, please.
19
00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:36,118
Oh, oh, I-I see.
20
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,020
Oh.
21
00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:40,022
Well, hang in there.
22
00:00:40,024 --> 00:00:41,857
You'll find somebody.
23
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Thank you,
front desk stranger.
24
00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:46,996
I'm sorry, we just... We just
don't get a lot of singles here.
25
00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:48,030
I mean,
look at this place.
26
00:00:48,032 --> 00:00:49,631
It's so romantic.
27
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:53,035
Countless babies conceived
within these walls.
28
00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:55,504
And one... Grisly murder.
29
00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:56,638
Now, are you sure
that you wouldn't
30
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,475
Feel more comfortable
staying at a motel?
31
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What? No, look.
32
00:01:00,711 --> 00:01:02,678
I'm not some miserable,
lonely person.
33
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,046
Tell him, Lily.
34
00:01:04,048 --> 00:01:05,647
It's a tough
weekend for him.
35
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,782
Bro.
36
00:01:06,784 --> 00:01:08,384
We're here
for a wedding.
Ouch.
37
00:01:08,386 --> 00:01:11,186
And he used to
date the bride.
Ooh, mama.
38
00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:13,188
And he's the best man.
Devastating.
39
00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:14,723
Could you please
just check us in?
40
00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:16,358
Oh, your rooms aren't
gonna be ready for hours.
41
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,027
But in the meantime,
42
00:01:18,029 --> 00:01:20,462
Ms. Aldrin, I definitely think
43
00:01:20,464 --> 00:01:22,531
You and your husband should
check out the lighthouse.
44
00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:25,300
It's a beautiful view
of the bay-- so romantic.
45
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,301
Oh, wow.
46
00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:27,870
Here's the channel guide
47
00:01:27,872 --> 00:01:29,638
For the TV.
48
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,874
Don't listen
to him, Ted.
49
00:01:31,876 --> 00:01:34,243
(phone ringing)
you are not alone.
50
00:01:34,245 --> 00:01:37,146
In fact, this
whole weekend,
51
00:01:37,148 --> 00:01:39,581
It is going to be
nothing but me and...
52
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,050
Marshall!
53
00:01:41,052 --> 00:01:42,217
Oh, thank god,
you're on your way.
54
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:44,086
If I had to be here alone,
I would kill myself.
55
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,535
Marshall missed
his flight.
56
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,203
He might not get
here tonight.
57
00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,705
He might not
get here at all.
58
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:04,907
We...
59
00:02:04,909 --> 00:02:07,910
Only have a few
of these left.
60
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:12,347
Hi...
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00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,348
Linus.
62
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,050
Here's how this goes down.
63
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,519
If I'm going to make it through
this weekend without my husband,
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00:02:17,521 --> 00:02:19,621
I need you to hook a lady up.
65
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:22,124
Any time you see me
without a drink in my hand,
66
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:24,226
You put a drink in my hand.
67
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:27,196
Are you my guy, Linus?
68
00:02:28,198 --> 00:02:29,531
So you want the kennedy package?
69
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:30,966
Bingo.
70
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,436
(phone rings)
go for Barney.
71
00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:37,239
Ah.
72
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,808
Thank you Linus.
73
00:02:39,810 --> 00:02:41,210
Barney,
before you get too upset,
74
00:02:41,212 --> 00:02:43,445
There's another flight
that leaves in five minutes.
75
00:02:43,447 --> 00:02:45,047
You're getting on it.
I'm gonna try.
76
00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:46,448
There is no try!
77
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:47,816
You're getting on that plane.
78
00:02:47,818 --> 00:02:49,651
Hey, growth spurt.
79
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:52,554
If there is only one seat
left on this plane,
80
00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:54,389
I will fight you for it.
81
00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,458
And I'm a biter.
82
00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:58,060
Marshall, whoever that is,
grab her carry-on
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00:02:58,062 --> 00:02:59,628
And throw it
into a restricted area.
84
00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:01,263
I'm serious. Do it.
Do it now.
85
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,831
What? No.
86
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:03,899
Barney, are you...?
87
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:05,400
No, I'm not gonna...
88
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,602
That's... No.
89
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,737
There is no
"what, no, Barney, are you,
90
00:03:08,739 --> 00:03:10,739
No I'm not gonna, that's no!"
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00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:12,908
This is a holiday weekend.
92
00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,844
You're not gonna get
to New York by being nice.
93
00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:18,180
So you're gonna have
to lose the whole Midwestern
94
00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:19,748
Aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
95
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:20,849
Shucksy doodles?
96
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:22,284
...And act like a New Yorker.
97
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,686
A pushy, obnoxious,
knock-the-other-guy-down-
98
00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:27,189
And-take-his-hot-dog resident
of the greatest city on earth!
99
00:03:27,191 --> 00:03:28,690
No can do, Barney.
100
00:03:28,692 --> 00:03:29,925
I'm from Minnesota,
101
00:03:29,927 --> 00:03:32,094
Where there's plenty of hot dogs
for everyone.
102
00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:36,265
Perhaps even too many.
103
00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:37,332
But listen,
104
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,867
I'm gonna get to New York
105
00:03:38,869 --> 00:03:40,202
Without being a jerk.
106
00:03:40,204 --> 00:03:41,970
Just get to New York!
107
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,971
I'll get to New York!
108
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,540
Nobody's getting to New York.
109
00:03:44,542 --> 00:03:46,041
Not this weekend anyway.
110
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:48,610
There's a big storm
rolling up the East Coast.
111
00:03:48,612 --> 00:03:50,612
All the airports
are closing.
112
00:03:50,614 --> 00:03:53,315
My advice is
rent a car and drive.
113
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:54,483
But you better hurry.
114
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,318
They're gonna
run out of cars soon.
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00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,686
(groans)
116
00:03:57,688 --> 00:03:59,188
Okay, listen.
117
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:00,522
If we're both
going to New York,
118
00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:03,825
Why don't we rent a car,
split the drive?
119
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,627
That seems like
a reasonable plan.
120
00:04:05,629 --> 00:04:07,963
Can I help you with
that diaper bag?
121
00:04:07,965 --> 00:04:10,199
Sure. Thank you.
Oh, it's...
122
00:04:12,368 --> 00:04:15,103
Have a nice bus ride,
pumpkin head!
123
00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:21,109
(panting)
124
00:04:24,814 --> 00:04:27,549
Hey, lady.
125
00:04:27,551 --> 00:04:29,351
Yeah, you just threw away
your ticket
126
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:30,852
To a really great road trip.
127
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,188
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
128
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,324
You're all the way back there,
129
00:04:35,326 --> 00:04:37,559
And I'm all the way
up here.
130
00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:39,861
(laughing)
oh, you can hear me.
131
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,497
Get ready to be driving
the jealous-mobile
132
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,600
Because our car is
gonna have games,
133
00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:47,502
Snacks, a James Patterson
audio book
134
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:51,206
My mother describes as
"cluttering her glove box."
135
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:54,276
Your car? I'll be in pittsburgh
before you get your car.
136
00:04:54,278 --> 00:04:56,945
We'll see about that.
137
00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:58,880
And if you're going to New York,
you're not gonna want
138
00:04:58,882 --> 00:04:59,948
To go through Pittsburgh.
139
00:04:59,950 --> 00:05:01,383
94 backs up around Allentown,
140
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:03,885
So you're gonna want
to stick on 80.
141
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,187
Jerk face!
142
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,558
Come on, universe.
143
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,426
I'm a nice guy.
144
00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:13,228
Send me a miracle.
145
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:16,565
Narrator:
And then the universe sent
your uncle Marshall...
146
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,334
Herm.
147
00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:28,977
Okay, people, let's move
it along. What do you want?
148
00:05:28,979 --> 00:05:30,979
You want a car? You got a car.
Beat it.
149
00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:32,314
What kind of car
do you want?
150
00:05:32,316 --> 00:05:34,383
Too slow, you get a minivan.
151
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,718
Next. Ah, midsize sedan.
152
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,153
Incoming. Next.
153
00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:39,888
Yes!
You want a gas option?
154
00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:41,456
Nobody wants a gas option.
Get out of here.
155
00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:42,491
Next.
156
00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:44,726
Hello. I need a car.
157
00:05:44,728 --> 00:05:47,162
You've got it.
That's all of them.
158
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:49,231
We're all out of cars,
everybody.
159
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:50,799
Wait, no!
160
00:05:50,801 --> 00:05:52,301
You let this guy beat you?
161
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:54,069
Ma'am, it's not a race.
162
00:05:54,071 --> 00:05:56,905
That right there
is why you lost.
163
00:05:57,807 --> 00:06:00,175
Maybe this is your fault.
164
00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:01,410
Did you ever think of that?
165
00:06:01,412 --> 00:06:02,778
Maybe if you
had just been
166
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,147
A little bit nicer,
then you would be
167
00:06:05,149 --> 00:06:06,848
The one driving this lovely...
168
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:08,817
What kind of car is it?
169
00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:11,620
Narrator:
Now, kids, I don't remember
the actual name of this car,
170
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,288
But to an environmentalist
like Marshall,
171
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,124
This car was a monstrosity.
172
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:19,194
2006 monstrosity.
173
00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:21,029
Â♪ monstrosity
174
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:24,700
Â♪ 'cause global warming's
not real. Â♪
175
00:06:24,702 --> 00:06:27,102
Oh, no, not a monstrosity.
176
00:06:27,104 --> 00:06:29,104
I'll take it.
I can't drive that.
177
00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:30,872
I can. Give me the monstrosity.
178
00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:33,308
Do you have anything else?
I'll take the monstrosity.
179
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,377
There's nothing else.
Give me the keys, old man!
180
00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:36,945
It's just so freaking huge!
181
00:06:36,947 --> 00:06:39,014
Well, actually it's
a monstrosity sport,
182
00:06:39,016 --> 00:06:40,982
So it's a little smaller.
183
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,951
Â♪ monstrosity sport
184
00:06:42,953 --> 00:06:45,687
Â♪ it's still freaking huge.
185
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,222
Fine. I'll take it.
186
00:06:47,224 --> 00:06:48,890
But I'm also gonna need
a baby seat.
187
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:51,193
We're all out of baby seats.
Get out of here.
188
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,794
Oh, my god--
what am I gonna do?
189
00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,029
I don't care.
190
00:06:54,031 --> 00:06:56,031
(groans)
191
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:57,265
Can I make a suggestion?
192
00:06:58,234 --> 00:06:59,568
I rent the car,
193
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:02,237
Then I go buy the car seat,
come back here,
194
00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:05,207
Pick you guys up,
and then the three of us
195
00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:06,908
Drive to New York together.
196
00:07:06,910 --> 00:07:08,810
(laughs quietly)
197
00:07:08,812 --> 00:07:11,179
Let me get this straight.
198
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,548
So, you're gonna
rent the car,
199
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:16,551
Go and get a baby seat
for my son,
200
00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:20,155
And then drive all the way
back here to pick me up.
201
00:07:20,157 --> 00:07:21,490
That's right.
202
00:07:21,492 --> 00:07:24,426
Well, then you're
gonna need some cash. Here.
203
00:07:24,428 --> 00:07:26,495
Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
204
00:07:26,497 --> 00:07:27,829
So, we'll see
you soon.
205
00:07:27,831 --> 00:07:29,598
You got it, Michael!
Marshall.
206
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,900
Doesn't matter now, does it?
207
00:07:35,171 --> 00:07:37,272
Remember this day, Marvin.
208
00:07:38,508 --> 00:07:41,576
Not only is this the day
that we either saw prince
209
00:07:41,578 --> 00:07:45,013
Or a... A really flamboyantly
dressed greyhound,
210
00:07:45,015 --> 00:07:48,717
It's also the day that your dad
chose not to be a jerk...
211
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,386
And put his trust in humanity.
212
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,955
Just watch where it gets us.
213
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:59,027
Shucksy-doodles!
214
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,967
Narrator: Uncle Marshall
was just about ready
215
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,369
To abandon
his faith in humanity.
216
00:08:07,371 --> 00:08:09,037
But let's back up a little bit.
217
00:08:09,039 --> 00:08:13,208
And now the true tale
of the Stinson curse.
218
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:17,145
Barney:
Moscow, 1807.
219
00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:19,147
(russian accent):
What a wonderful night
at the opera.
220
00:08:19,149 --> 00:08:21,149
Wouldn't you agree,
Comrade Barnovski?
221
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,552
(russian accent):
I would indeed,
Comrade Jamesokoff.
222
00:08:23,554 --> 00:08:26,721
But you know what made it
truly wonderful?
223
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:29,391
Being here with my wife...
224
00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:33,094
The beet in my borscht,
the fur on my hat,
225
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:38,233
The only person I've ever
been attracted to, ever.
226
00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:40,335
I feel the same way
about Kyle...
227
00:08:40,337 --> 00:08:42,404
My plutonic friend
from work.
228
00:08:42,406 --> 00:08:44,172
(clattering)
229
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:47,909
Is it just me, or did that feel
like we hit an old Gypsy woman?
230
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:49,644
Yep. Old Gypsy woman.
231
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:52,347
Good call, Barnovski.
Oh, well, she's just a peasant.
232
00:08:52,349 --> 00:08:53,448
Home, Smirnoff.
233
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,784
Wait, she's
saying somethink!
234
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,152
(low, deep moan)
235
00:08:57,154 --> 00:08:58,887
Hornier.
236
00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:02,657
Hornier.
237
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,126
Hornier?
238
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,995
Sonobovich!
239
00:09:06,997 --> 00:09:09,164
Did she just put a curse on us?
240
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:10,699
Eh, nonsense, brother.
241
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:13,602
Okay, let's go, Smirnoff.
242
00:09:13,604 --> 00:09:14,669
Smirnoff?
243
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:18,874
Homina, Hominovich. Mmm,
244
00:09:18,876 --> 00:09:23,512
Smirnoff, I would climb you
like the Kremlin wall.
245
00:09:23,514 --> 00:09:25,046
What's happening to me?
246
00:09:25,048 --> 00:09:27,716
Don't you see?
You're getting hornier, brother,
247
00:09:27,718 --> 00:09:30,218
Just like
the old Gypsy woman said!
248
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:31,520
Oh, hello there.
249
00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:36,591
(chuckles) ever had
a White Russian?
250
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,997
Barney:
For the next 200 years,
251
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:44,666
Every male member
of the Stinson family
252
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,702
Was afflicted
by the Gypsy's curse,
253
00:09:47,704 --> 00:09:49,237
An unquenchable thirst
for booty
254
00:09:49,239 --> 00:09:53,341
That no committed relationship
could ever satisfy.
255
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,644
That is, until my brother James
256
00:09:55,646 --> 00:09:57,646
Met his husband Tom.
257
00:09:57,648 --> 00:10:00,549
The day they got married,
they lifted the curse forever,
258
00:10:00,551 --> 00:10:02,551
Freeing me from the shackles
259
00:10:02,553 --> 00:10:04,653
Of having sex
with lots of different women.
260
00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:05,720
Although, sometimes
261
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,489
Robin and I still use
the shackles.
262
00:10:07,491 --> 00:10:08,523
Bondage five!
263
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,091
Whoa.
I can't, I can't,
264
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,159
I can't.
265
00:10:11,161 --> 00:10:13,061
(phone rings)
go for Barney!
266
00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:15,830
Ah.
267
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:19,234
Thank you, Linus.
268
00:10:19,236 --> 00:10:20,869
This is worse
than I thought.
269
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,737
I know.
Showtime, no HBO?
270
00:10:22,739 --> 00:10:24,005
James:
No.
271
00:10:25,174 --> 00:10:27,676
Tom and I are getting divorced.
272
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:28,877
What?
Ted:
What?
273
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,246
That's why you look
extra handsome.
274
00:10:31,248 --> 00:10:33,081
I do get extra hot
when I'm single.
275
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,182
Your skin looks amazing.
276
00:10:34,184 --> 00:10:35,517
Looks amazing.
I know.
277
00:10:35,519 --> 00:10:37,752
So... So what happened?
Why-why'd you guys break up?
278
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,387
Well, the thing to remember
279
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,889
Is that when something
like this happens,
280
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,957
It's nobody's fault.
281
00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:43,959
You cheated on him.
Repeatedly.
282
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:46,461
I thought about
keeping it quiet,
283
00:10:46,463 --> 00:10:49,564
But then I realized,
wouldn't my family want me
284
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:53,068
To be honest with them
about news this big?
285
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,471
Oh, can I just say five things?
286
00:10:58,307 --> 00:11:01,776
What is the matter with--
sorry, six-- you?!
287
00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:03,778
Ooh! What?!
288
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,548
I'm-I'm sorry
about you and Tom,
289
00:11:06,550 --> 00:11:08,917
But you can't just drop
a bombshell like this
290
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,385
So close to
someone's wedding.
291
00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:13,054
You broke the curse.
You and Tom
292
00:11:13,056 --> 00:11:14,222
Are the only couple
293
00:11:14,224 --> 00:11:15,824
That makes Barney
believe in marriage.
294
00:11:15,826 --> 00:11:18,159
(chuckles) really?
The only couple?
295
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:21,329
I mean, no one else
comes to mind?
296
00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:23,231
Been together 17 years?
297
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,934
She's a spunky redhead,
he's got calves
298
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,470
That launched a thousand
lady boners?
299
00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:29,671
Barney:
Hey, sorry about that.
300
00:11:29,673 --> 00:11:31,072
Hey, did you guys know
301
00:11:31,074 --> 00:11:34,576
That Sunday is James' and Tom's
anniversary?
302
00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:36,578
How cool is that?
303
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:37,779
We're anniversary bros!
304
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,581
Every year, we should go out
and celebrate...
305
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,849
Just the two of us.
306
00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:42,817
Listen, bro, you...
307
00:11:42,819 --> 00:11:45,186
I know, I know, "please, Barney,
308
00:11:45,188 --> 00:11:48,456
You don't have to get us
an anniversary gift this year."
309
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,658
You get them an
anniversary gift?
310
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,192
Why shouldn't I?
They're the one couple
311
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,861
That makes me believe marriage
is possible.
312
00:11:52,863 --> 00:11:54,763
I mean, I'm sitting right here.
313
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:57,532
Thank you, Linus.
314
00:11:57,534 --> 00:11:59,334
James:
Barney, the thing is...
315
00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:02,704
Cover your ears and hum "The
Battle Hymn of the Republic."
316
00:12:02,706 --> 00:12:03,872
Why?
317
00:12:03,874 --> 00:12:06,474
It's for the bride.
318
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,876
Oh, it's for... (humming)
319
00:12:07,878 --> 00:12:09,144
Okay, listen, James,
320
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,812
My cousin vince
is a mountie.
321
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,548
His girlfriend is back home,
but he gets gay at weddings.
322
00:12:13,550 --> 00:12:15,216
He's yours.
I am giving you vince.
323
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:16,885
Just please,
don't tell Barney.
324
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:18,319
If he finds out
that the only
325
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,888
Successful marriage
in his life is over...
326
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:21,189
I hate everyone
at this table.
327
00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:22,190
...It'll spook him.
328
00:12:22,192 --> 00:12:23,458
I don't want him
getting spooked.
329
00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:25,660
Robin, have some faith.
330
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,430
Do you really think what you
and Barney have is that fragile?
331
00:12:29,532 --> 00:12:31,533
I don't want to find out.
332
00:12:31,535 --> 00:12:33,068
Fine.
333
00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:37,172
Thanks, baby.
334
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:38,707
No sweat.
Mmm...
335
00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:41,476
So, James, seriously,
where's Tom?
336
00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:42,711
He can't make the wedding.
337
00:12:42,713 --> 00:12:44,079
He had his wisdom teeth out.
338
00:12:44,081 --> 00:12:45,480
Ugh! On top of a divorce?
339
00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:46,614
That is rough.
340
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:49,484
Uh-oh.
341
00:12:49,486 --> 00:12:52,420
What is she talking about?
342
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,657
Tom and I are getting a divorce.
343
00:12:59,428 --> 00:13:00,795
Excuse me.
344
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:08,069
Vince... Off the table.
345
00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:18,246
What was that?
I don't know.
It just came out.
346
00:13:18,248 --> 00:13:19,881
That's it.
It's barely even noon.
347
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,549
You're cut off.
348
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,118
Thank you, Linus.
349
00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:25,754
Thank you, Linus.
350
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,356
Thank you, Linus.
351
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,025
Thank you, Linus.
352
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,560
Thank you, Linus.
353
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,462
Okay, but after that one,
you're cut off!
354
00:13:36,432 --> 00:13:38,900
No! No, you are not doing this.
Step away from the desk.
355
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,068
What are you talking about?
356
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,636
You just found out
about James and Tom,
357
00:13:41,638 --> 00:13:44,038
And it totally freaked you out,
and now you're asking this guy
358
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,206
To point you in the direction
359
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,407
Of the nearest,
dirtiest strip club.
360
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,543
Oh, well,
that-that's a tough one.
361
00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:51,212
Uh, the nearest one
that's-that's kind of dirty
362
00:13:51,214 --> 00:13:52,781
Is the sand box,
363
00:13:52,783 --> 00:13:55,717
But the, uh...
The dirtiest one that's nearby
364
00:13:55,719 --> 00:13:57,485
Is the crab shed.
365
00:13:57,487 --> 00:13:58,620
Dude.
366
00:13:58,622 --> 00:14:01,222
Sorry. Uh, but hey,
if-if you do go,
367
00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:03,258
Maybe you could take Ted.
368
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,793
I'm really worried
about that kid.
369
00:14:06,228 --> 00:14:08,730
No, Robin, I am not
going to a strip club.
370
00:14:08,732 --> 00:14:10,064
Especially right now.
371
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:13,067
Could you imagine
the day shift at the crab shed?
372
00:14:14,236 --> 00:14:16,104
Robin...
373
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,007
I came to the desk to get this.
374
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:20,742
Is that the key to our room?
375
00:14:20,744 --> 00:14:22,310
It's the key to James's room.
376
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,450
Oh, my.
377
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,819
What is that?
378
00:14:30,821 --> 00:14:32,187
It's an erotic cake.
379
00:14:32,189 --> 00:14:34,122
I wanted to surprise them
for their anniversary.
380
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,590
Is that... Is that
James and Tom?
381
00:14:35,592 --> 00:14:39,460
Mmm, caramel marzipan,
chocolate marzipan.
382
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,995
I love chocolate
marzipan.
383
00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:43,665
So does Tom.
Used to anyway.
384
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,102
This is, uh, absolutely the,
uh... The weirdest thing
385
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,672
Anyone has ever done
for their sibling.
386
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,275
I love you so much.
387
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,378
You thought I was
gonna freak out.
388
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:59,881
Well, I mean, a Gypsy
cursed your family
389
00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:02,851
To become hornier and do
awesome guitar solos.
390
00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:04,552
Can you blame me?
391
00:15:04,554 --> 00:15:07,055
Look, am I bummed about James
and Tom getting a divorce?
392
00:15:07,057 --> 00:15:10,191
Obviously.
But I don't need them
393
00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:12,527
To make me believe
in true love anymore.
394
00:15:12,529 --> 00:15:13,995
I've got you for that now.
395
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,830
Mmm.
396
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,300
Oh, man, now I gotta figure out
what to do with all this stuff.
397
00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:21,502
Well, before we do that...
398
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,539
Um, would it be all
right if I nibbled
399
00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,875
On your brother's
ding dong?
400
00:15:26,877 --> 00:15:29,577
How about we nibble
401
00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:33,414
On my brother's
ding dong together?
402
00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:35,216
I'd like that.
403
00:15:37,253 --> 00:15:39,387
Narrator:
So, they cleaned all that stuff
out of there
404
00:15:39,389 --> 00:15:41,155
And had a talk with James.
405
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:44,692
And Barney didn't freak out,
because here's the thing, kids.
406
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:48,463
When you believe in people,
people come through.
407
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,237
Just so we're clear,
I pick the music.
408
00:15:56,239 --> 00:15:57,505
Of course.
409
00:15:57,507 --> 00:15:58,573
Say it.
410
00:15:58,575 --> 00:16:00,208
Say, "daphne picks the music."
411
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,110
Daphne picks the music.
412
00:16:02,112 --> 00:16:03,344
And you pay for gas.
413
00:16:03,346 --> 00:16:05,046
Are you kidding?
Do you have any idea
414
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,347
How much gas this thing takes?
415
00:16:06,349 --> 00:16:07,515
(engine revs)
no, no, okay!
416
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:08,850
Okay, I pay for gas.
417
00:16:08,852 --> 00:16:10,385
Good. Now, get in.
418
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,220
It's a long ride to Phoenix.
419
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,788
Say what?
420
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:16,124
(laughs)
I'm just kidding.
421
00:16:16,126 --> 00:16:18,126
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
422
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,966
This must be the singles table.
423
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:28,469
(chuckles)
guess it is.
424
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,240
Well, it's kind of nice
to be asking this question
425
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,708
Instead of answering it
for a change:
426
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:34,776
How are you doing?
427
00:16:34,778 --> 00:16:36,544
I don't know.
428
00:16:37,613 --> 00:16:39,280
I'm trying to be happy
for my brother,
429
00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,049
But, uh... I guess a person
430
00:16:41,051 --> 00:16:42,917
Has a different
perspective on weddings
431
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,220
When he knows what's down there
at the end of the aisle.
432
00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:49,324
It's not all
champagne and frosting.
433
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:53,561
Mr. Stinson, your room is ready.
434
00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:55,330
And, Ted...
435
00:16:55,332 --> 00:16:57,498
She's right around the corner.
436
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,067
Thank you, Curtis.
437
00:16:59,069 --> 00:17:00,902
I feel it, too.
438
00:17:00,904 --> 00:17:02,570
No, no, no, the-the housekeeper.
439
00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:04,639
She's in the room that's right
around the corner from yours.
440
00:17:04,641 --> 00:17:05,740
Oh.
So another hour, tops.
441
00:17:05,742 --> 00:17:07,976
Sure.
442
00:17:07,978 --> 00:17:09,644
Okay, see you later, Ted.
443
00:17:09,646 --> 00:17:11,145
You're not
giving up, James.
444
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,015
And neither am I.
445
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,331
(footsteps approach)
446
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:31,366
Ted:
Hey, beautiful.
447
00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:32,367
Hi.
448
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:34,369
God, you look great.
449
00:17:34,371 --> 00:17:36,204
What? Come on.
450
00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:37,271
You do!
451
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,173
I've been in a car all morning.
452
00:17:39,175 --> 00:17:42,443
I just ate a croissant crumb
that I found in my bra.
453
00:17:42,445 --> 00:17:43,811
I'm disgusting.
454
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,848
Yeah, I saw you do that.
And it was super hot. Come here.
455
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:48,383
(chuckles)
you come here.
Come here.
456
00:17:48,385 --> 00:17:51,219
No, you come here.
Come here.
457
00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:52,954
Hey, you want to hear
something funny?
458
00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:53,988
Mm-hmm.
459
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,290
One year ago today,
almost to the minute,
460
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,526
I was sitting
at this very table
461
00:17:58,528 --> 00:17:59,927
Right in that seat.
462
00:18:01,196 --> 00:18:03,464
Oh, yeah. I can see it.
463
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:05,867
Nursing your gin and tonic
with three extra limes,
464
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,802
Doing the crossword,
465
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:10,338
Probably being
all showboat-y about it.
466
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,339
I wasn't being
showboat-y about it.
467
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,108
"vesuvius."
boo-yah!
468
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:18,046
Oh, wait, that doesn't fit.
469
00:18:18,048 --> 00:18:20,348
The point is,
one year ago today,
470
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:23,885
I made a promise to myself
right at this table.
471
00:18:23,887 --> 00:18:26,054
The mother:
What was the promise?
472
00:18:26,056 --> 00:18:30,558
Both Teds:
I'm coming back,
and I'm bringing you.
473
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,527
Wait a second.
Hold it.
474
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,730
One year ago today,
you hadn't even met me.
475
00:18:35,732 --> 00:18:37,799
I know, but I knew I would.
476
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,701
And now it's a year later.
477
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,370
And here I am.
478
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,704
Here you are.
479
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,206
Love in your eyes,
480
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,041
Baked goods
in your undergarments.
481
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,042
Yeah.
482
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,344
You picked a real winner, Mosby.
483
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,947
I did.
484
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,384
Okay, seriously, what the crap
485
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,386
Is taking so long
with these rooms?
486
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,288
It was like this
last year.
487
00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:02,090
I'll be right back.
488
00:19:02,092 --> 00:19:04,325
I'll be right here.
489
00:19:23,212 --> 00:19:24,745
Sorry that took so long.
490
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,080
Please...
491
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,949
Try to enjoy your stay.
492
00:19:27,951 --> 00:19:29,917
I will.
493
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,052
Try to.
494
00:19:31,054 --> 00:19:34,789
I will enjoy my stay.
495
00:19:34,791 --> 00:19:35,890
Try.
496
00:19:35,892 --> 00:19:37,558
Not gonna try.
497
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,728
Just... Just gonna do it.
498
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:41,729
Good for you.
499
00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:42,763
Not good for me.
500
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:46,234
No, just-just neutral for me.
501
00:19:46,236 --> 00:19:48,669
Attaboy.
No, at not a boy.
502
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,573
It gets better.
503
00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:55,076
I am fine, Curtis. Okay?
504
00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:58,246
I enjoy and appreciate
the happiness of other people
505
00:19:58,248 --> 00:20:01,916
Whether I am in a relationship
or not. Okay? Curtis?
506
00:20:01,918 --> 00:20:03,084
So just-just...
507
00:20:03,086 --> 00:20:05,486
Just go ahead
and give me my one key
508
00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:07,388
Because I am fine.
509
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:23,471
Oh, come on!
I need another drink.