1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:04,759
Ah. Captain.
2
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:06,097
You're at my desk.
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,901
Just what I want
to see first thing
in the morning.
4
00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:09,633
You're three minutes
late, Peralta.
5
00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:10,868
Not my fault.
6
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:12,103
I had a plumbing problem.
7
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:14,003
(PHONE ALARM RINGING)
(GROANING)
8
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,269
(GRUNTING)
Ripped By mstoll
9
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:19,643
Which reminds me,
I'm going to need a new,
departmentally-issued phone.
10
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:22,687
Oh, come on. Really?
I'm a few minutes late,
11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,280
so you're going to
call me out in front
of everyone?
12
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,188
Good idea.
Everyone?
13
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:28,887
Gather around so I can
call out Peralta in
front of you.
14
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,931
Okay. Fine.
I was three minutes late.
15
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:33,965
I'm sorry for doing
one thing wrong.
16
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,968
Oh, it's more
than one thing.
Uh-oh.
17
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:37,559
Let's start with
the Kristov murder.
18
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,865
It was an amazing solve.
I got him to confess
in 20 minutes.
19
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:41,270
You also mislabeled
the evidence.
20
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:44,868
So that confession is
worthless if the sergeant
hadn't caught your mistake.
21
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:47,242
Here are three cases
with sloppy paperwork.
22
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,746
Here are two pictures.
23
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:53,412
One is your locker.
The other is a garbage
dump in the Philippines.
24
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:55,750
Can you tell
which is which?
25
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,784
That one's the dump?
They're both your locker.
26
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,293
Ah, I should have
guessed that.
He's good.
27
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:05,798
This folder is labeled,
"Undies, dirty."
28
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,833
So I won't confuse it
with "Undies, clean."
29
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,558
Also, who cares
about all these rules?
30
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,067
I have more felony arrests
than any other detective here.
31
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,832
You also have more mice
living in your desk
than any other detective.
32
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:16,898
(PERALTA GASPING)
33
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:18,841
Algernon!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
34
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,846
You guys, Algernon's back!
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
35
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,940
Get rid of the mouse,
and get your act together.
Now.
36
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,743
(WHISPERING)
He's grumpy.
37
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,145
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
38
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:52,540
JEFFORDS:
Okay, Detectives.
Let's get started.
39
00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:54,038
Santiago.
40
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,637
Where are we with the
Jay Street drug bust?
41
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,612
There are 12 keys of
coke unaccounted for,
42
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,584
but we just got a warrant
to search the dealer's
apartment.
43
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,347
Good. Take Boyle and Diaz.
44
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,914
Dream team.
JEFFORDS: Peralta.
45
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,148
Brief us on the
vandalism case.
46
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,921
Well, there's no easy
way to put this, Sarge.
47
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:11,326
But someone has been painting
wieners on squad cars.
48
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:12,687
And apparently,
49
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:15,825
they won't stop until
there's a penis drawn on
every cop car in Brooklyn.
50
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,132
Oh, that's what
he's been drawing.
51
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,966
But, what are those
two little round things
at the bottom?
52
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,029
It's a butt.
53
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:23,633
The butt?
54
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,501
I assume you have a plan
to catch this gentleman.
55
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:28,240
Did you just say
"genital-man"?
56
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,908
Because, if so, kudos.
And, yes, I have a plan.
57
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,585
I'm going to plant a
decoy squad car as bait.
58
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,449
Meanwhile, I'll be waiting
in an undercover vehicle here.
59
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,084
He's already tagged
three UC vehicles.
60
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,387
He can clearly spot 'em.
61
00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:42,954
You should take my minivan.
62
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,792
A minivan?
(LAUGHING)
63
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,058
(ALL LAUGHING)
64
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,656
You all got a problem
with my minivan?
65
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,794
Because my wife
doesn't like it either.
66
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,772
She wanted an SUV,
but those things roll, man.
67
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,035
They roll.
68
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,633
It's a good idea, Sergeant.
We'll take the van.
69
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,302
We?
You're coming with me?
70
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:02,141
Sir, with all due respect,
I don't need backup.
71
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,808
It's not backup.
It's babysitting.
72
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,613
Babysitting.
(LAUGHING)
73
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,521
BOYLE:
Oh. Look at this.
74
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:13,683
The drug dealer got
a BA in Art History
from Brooklyn College.
75
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,220
Interesting, huh?
76
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,353
How is that interesting?
77
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:20,462
Well, it's surprising,
because you would think
he had studied...
78
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,223
drugs.
79
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,800
I studied art history, too.
Also not interesting.
80
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,031
GINA: Excuse me.
81
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,401
I know I'm just
a lowly civilian
administrator,
82
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:30,271
but I couldn't
help overhearing
83
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,207
you're looking for
some missing drugs?
84
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,306
As it turns out,
my friend here,
85
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,779
Carlene,
is a psychic.
86
00:03:35,848 --> 00:03:38,180
And she's ready
to help you.
87
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:39,878
I do palms, tarot,
88
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,148
and I have a degree
in Numerology
from the internet.
89
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,486
DIAZ: Ugh.
Really, Gina, a psychic?
90
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,047
GINA: What?
She's the real deal.
91
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,025
E.g., last week,
she predicted
92
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,824
I would have a
sensuous encounter
93
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:54,727
with a guy named Mark.
And I did.
94
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,862
Is anyone here named Mark?
95
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,400
You're good.
96
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:07,044
Okay? She has had visions
which, frankly, science
cannot account for.
97
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,774
Also, she can get you
amazing deals on
ladies' footwear.
98
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,712
She's Assistant Manager
at Leonard's Designer Shoes.
99
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,209
CARLENE: Vision!
100
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,184
The drugs are
in a location.
101
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,982
I see the color blue.
She sees blue.
102
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:21,549
And yellow.
(GASPING)
103
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,186
And I see the letter "L."
104
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,992
R-S-T-W-E.
105
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:26,053
And "B."
106
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,933
So, basically, everyone's
first eight guesses
in Hangman?
107
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:32,229
Thank you, Carlene.
Your entire life is
garbage.
108
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,938
So, Holt's coming
on my stakeout now?
109
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,010
I made a mix tape
with some very
explicit rap on it,
110
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:39,203
and now,
I can't sing along.
111
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,338
You made a mix tape?
Yes, I still
listen to cassettes.
112
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:42,745
This guy is all over me.
113
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,909
I mean, a captain on
a minor vandalism case?
It's insane.
114
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,647
What's insane is how
you refuse to get
with the program.
115
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,616
There is a new sheriff
in town, Jake.
116
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,180
Well, I like the old sheriff.
117
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,316
I mean, McGintley wouldn't
care about a messy desk,
118
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,759
or all these stupid rules.
119
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,088
ALL: (CHANTING)
Tase! Tase! Tase!
McGINTLEY: Hey!
120
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,025
What the hell's
going on here?
121
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,327
Science experiment.
122
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,628
I want to see what happens
if I taser this cantaloupe.
123
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,928
Okay.
124
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,869
ALL: (CHANTING)
Tase! Tase! Tase!
(TASER CHARGING)
125
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,167
Ah!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
126
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:09,697
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
127
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:10,765
(ALL GASPING)
128
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,276
ALL: (CHEERING) Yeah!
129
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,914
And McGintley wouldn't care
if I was three minutes late
130
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,347
because he was
always an hour late.
131
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,507
And hungover.
132
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,787
And he would let you do
literally anything you want
if you gave him a hamburger.
133
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:22,980
He let you play
your mix tape?
134
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:24,716
Okay.
That's very funny.
135
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,424
Get a iPod, man.
136
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,249
Mix tape.
137
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:32,053
I just want to apologize
for my fellow detectives'
behavior.
138
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,357
Okay, my granny also had...
139
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,257
(WHISPERING)
The gift.
140
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:39,633
I feel that I
will die soon.
141
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,867
She was right.
She died two years later.
142
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:46,509
Your sincere belief
in my gift means
a great deal.
143
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,207
Vision.
144
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,145
The woman you love,
the one you work with,
145
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,741
the scary one
with the black hair.
146
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,252
Rosa? Yes.
147
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,615
She doesn't love you back.
She will never love you back.
148
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,747
(GINA CHUCKLING)
149
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,086
Say, "Thank you," Charles.
150
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,523
She just told you
your future.
151
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:01,887
Thank you.
152
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,762
You left without me.
You were late. Again.
153
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,329
Well, I had to
put on my undercover
minivan disguise.
154
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,274
Say hello to
Harvey Norgenbloom.
155
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:21,709
CPA. Recently divorced
father of two with
a dark sexual secret.
156
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,242
What's your cover?
157
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,477
Angry captain.
158
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:28,650
Okay, so you do not
like my ensemble.
159
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,082
I'm just concerned
that you may find it
hard to pursue
160
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,455
a criminal on foot
while wearing
man sandals.
161
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,687
But the sandals define Harvey.
162
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,161
He's a sandals guy.
163
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,956
(SIGHING)
164
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,563
Captain, why the babysitting?
Why are you micromanaging me?
165
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,125
You think I want to be
sitting here with you
166
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,465
instead of running
my precinct?
167
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,130
Yes.
It was a
rhetorical question.
168
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:50,707
I've spent the last
12 years fighting
for my first command.
169
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,107
And I'm not going to
let you screw it up
170
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,805
because you refuse to
take your job seriously.
171
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,144
Hey, I do take
my job seriously.
172
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,944
I put away bad guys.
That's what matters.
173
00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,212
Well, so does doing
your paperwork,
showing up on time,
174
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,777
wearing proper footwear...
That's on Harvey.
That's not me.
175
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,015
Well, so, here's the deal.
176
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:06,550
You're going to have
a superior officer
babysitting you
177
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:07,888
on every one of your cases.
178
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,427
And when you show me that
you can do your job,
179
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,259
every part of your job,
perfectly,
180
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:15,098
then, I'll back off.
181
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,566
Okay.
182
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,867
Counter offer, I give you
50 bucks and you let me
do whatever I want.
183
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,271
Fine. We'll do it your way.
184
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:28,609
From this point on,
I'll do every part
of the job perfectly.
185
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,615
Perfecter than perfectly.
186
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:33,613
It's, "More perfectly."
You said that imperfectly.
187
00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:36,210
I was testing you.
You did perfectly.
188
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,685
Quick update on the
tagger situation.
189
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,988
He is currently
spray-painting
our van right now.
190
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:43,584
Police! Freeze!
191
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:44,854
Ow. Ow. Ow.
192
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,992
Oh. Sandal down.
193
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,055
Lost a sandal.
194
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,496
NYPD! Freeze!
195
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:51,466
I'm here.
196
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,863
You're busted.
197
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,373
I already got him.
We got him.
198
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:01,644
Oh. Hey, Captain.
199
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,010
Hi. So...
200
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,813
I was able to procure
that $50 after all.
201
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,410
And my offer still stands.
202
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,522
Let me do whatever
I want and the $40,
203
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,057
that's how much
I actually have,
is yours.
204
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:13,781
No?
205
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,391
Fair enough.
I only had 30 anyway.
206
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,952
Well, I guess,
in order to get you to
stop micromanaging me,
207
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,657
I'm going to have to
get back to the most
important piece
208
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:20,960
of police work there is.
209
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,500
Writing a perfect report.
210
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,135
Good.
I'm anxious to read it.
211
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,234
And I'm anxious to restore
my status as a lone wolf.
212
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,340
(HOWLING)
213
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:32,475
Anything else, Detective?
214
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:33,670
Yeah, I'm going
to do one more.
215
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:36,271
(HOWLING)
216
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,438
Lone wolf.
217
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,850
He's digging me.
(CLICKING TONGUE)
218
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,822
Hey, Sarge?
Do you know where
we keep the glitter?
219
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,061
I just want to make sure
this report for the captain
is extra sparkly.
220
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,320
What are you doing, Peralta?
221
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,097
Look, if I have to do
things his way, I'm going
to do them my way.
222
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,099
(LAUGHING)
Okay, man.
223
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:57,266
It was nice working with you.
224
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,261
I'm not scared of him, okay?
225
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,836
I'm not scared of anyone.
226
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:03,771
Oh, also, the tagger
drew a penis on your
minivan.
227
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,504
I'm sorry, please
don't chase after me.
What?
228
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:07,344
There's a penis
on my minivan?
229
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,414
SANTIAGO: High ceilings.
230
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:14,112
Three bedrooms.
Why does every perp have
a nicer place than I do?
231
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,112
You know what they don't
teach you at the academy?
232
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,380
It's better to be a criminal.
233
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,715
Oh, no.
234
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,323
The cabinets are blue.
Tacky.
235
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,453
Not a deal breaker, though.
I'd just repaint it.
236
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,025
The psychic predicted
the drugs would be found
in something blue.
237
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,791
(IN SLOW MOTION)
I see the color blue.
238
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,364
She also made this
really depressing
prediction about my life.
239
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,435
(IN SLOW MOTION)
She will never love you back.
240
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,102
And if she's right about
where we find the drugs,
241
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:40,645
that means she's right
about the other thing.
242
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,544
Uh-huh.
Kitchen.
243
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,719
Whoa.
Jackpot.
244
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,045
There's way more
than 12 keys in here.
245
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:51,248
Where was it?
246
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,115
Baseboard,
behind the hamper.
247
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:54,719
What color was the hamper?
248
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,953
SANTIAGO: Green.
Yes. The clothes hamper
was green.
249
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,190
The clothes hamper
was green!
250
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,661
Drinks on me.
251
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:03,995
(LAUGHING)
You're weird.
252
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,373
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Sorry this is taking so long.
253
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,341
I'm still writing up
my report.
254
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:11,535
Pretty detailed.
255
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:14,641
Hey, Gina, can you
look up what the humidity
was about an hour ago
256
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,147
and also what
moon cycle we're in?
257
00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:19,446
No, sorry.
Don't feel like it.
No.
258
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:21,179
Thanks, Gina.
259
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,346
And now, to you.
What's your name?
260
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,251
My name is
Banana Fartman, MD.
261
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:27,618
I don't believe you.
262
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,588
Come on, man.
Just tell me who you are.
263
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,459
I need to fill this thing
out perfectly, so my boss
will get off my back.
264
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,263
Are you a minor?
How old are you?
265
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,164
I'm 610.
I'm a Highlander.
266
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:38,162
Okay, you know what?
I'm going to put
that in there.
267
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,262
And then you're going
to be tried as
an adult Highlander,
268
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,704
and they're going
to cut your head off.
269
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,605
Is that what you want?
270
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,900
I hate to be the
bearer of bad news,
271
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,548
but your psychic friend's
predictions about
the drug case were wrong.
272
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,879
Which means, all of her
predictions are wrong.
273
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,048
Mmm-mmm. No way.
She's never wrong.
274
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,019
We found the cocaine
behind a green hamper.
Never said "green,"
275
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,079
or the letter "H."
276
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,059
Mmm-hmm. She said
blue and yellow, Charles.
277
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:04,289
I don't know if there's
any kindergarteners present,
278
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,797
but those two colors
combined make green.
279
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,631
She also mentioned the
letters "L" and "B."
280
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,771
And another name
for a hamper is...
281
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,399
Lady? Bin?
282
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:17,969
Laundry basket.
283
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,773
GINA: Oh, little boo-boo.
284
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,741
Can you go be
depressed over there?
285
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,042
You're bumming out
my whole area.
286
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,982
Baby, I've got
some bad news.
287
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:30,120
Someone painted a
giant penis on our minivan.
288
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:33,791
No, you cannot
have an SUV now.
289
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:37,059
Those things roll, baby!
They roll!
290
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,858
Hey, look at this.
291
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:40,958
Your prints were on file.
292
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,724
Nice to meet you...
(CLICKING)
293
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,199
Trevor Podolski.
294
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:48,604
Oh, Podolski. Just like, uh,
Deputy Police Commissioner
Podolski.
295
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,507
Your father is Deputy
Police Commissioner Podolski.
296
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,739
I'm not sure how
things work here,
297
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,148
but does that mean
that your career
is in my hands?
298
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:01,252
(CHUCKLING)
Okay, you know what?
299
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:02,981
Yes.
300
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,892
(BEEPING)
20.2 kilos.
301
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,595
I feel like we could
round up to 21.
302
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,798
Or we could
round down to 20,
303
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:18,701
take the extra 0.2,
sell it to our friends.
304
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,001
(LAUGHING)
305
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,699
I'll call the DA,
Rosa, you log this in.
306
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,404
Charles, maybe watch Gina.
307
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,603
(CHUCKLING)
308
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,609
So, what are you
doing tonight?
Nothing.
309
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,816
What about you...
Are doing tonight?
310
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,074
Nothing.
311
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,317
(WHISPERING)
Carlene.
312
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:38,583
(MACHINE BEEPING)
313
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:43,355
Well, I hope you
find something to do.
(CHUCKLING)
314
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:46,392
I'm going to pee.
That's what I'm
doing tonight.
315
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,790
No.
316
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,403
Deputy Commissioner's
son, huh?
(SIGHING) Yeah.
317
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:56,235
His decision to
target cop cars makes
a lot more sense now.
318
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,536
We gotta let him
walk, right?
319
00:12:58,377 --> 00:12:59,674
He defaced nine
police vehicles,
320
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:01,440
and you caught him red-handed.
Why would you let him walk?
321
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:05,314
(SCOFFING) Captain,
I did all the work
on this perfectly.
322
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,453
I mean, my report
has over 25 pages
323
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,955
of meticulous research,
diagrams, and maps.
324
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:13,789
I even put an
"About the Author"
section on the back.
325
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,790
I did everything you
asked me to do, but...
326
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,386
this is above
my pay grade.
327
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,726
You gotta make the call.
328
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,365
You're the arresting officer.
It's your call.
329
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,432
I told you to do
every part of your job,
330
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,938
and making this call
is part of your job.
331
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,373
Yeah, but you think
I should process him.
332
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:31,431
Mmm-hmm.
333
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,705
Well, if I do,
the Deputy Commissioner
could ruin my career,
334
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,543
and I'll end up on the
streets selling my beautiful
body for a can of beans.
335
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,140
Mmm-hmm.
336
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:40,578
Has anyone ever told you,
"You look exactly like
a statue?"
337
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:42,609
Yes.
338
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,347
Man.
339
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:46,357
You were totally right
about the cocaine.
340
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,253
And you were also
right about Rosa.
Who's Rosa?
341
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,122
The woman I...
The woman who
doesn't love him back.
342
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,426
CARLENE: Oh.
Yes, that woman.
343
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,162
You know, it can be a burden
to always know what's gonna
happen in the future.
344
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,430
Don't get out of the chair!
345
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:02,531
I just had a vision of
you leaving this chair and
getting seriously injured.
346
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:03,700
Oh, my God.
347
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,134
I should probably
wheel you back
to your desk.
348
00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:08,143
CARLENE:
That is a great idea.
Wheel you off a bridge.
349
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,442
(LAUGHING)
I'm kidding.
350
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,743
GINA: (SINGING)
Oh, you're alone
351
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,445
Uh-oh
You're alone for life
352
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,483
PERALTA:
So, here are my options.
353
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:19,217
One, I process
Podolski's kid,
354
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,952
he fires me, and I spend
the rest of my career
355
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,824
as a Detective third grade,
which is literally pathetic.
356
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,930
No offense, Hitchcock.
None taken.
357
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:29,692
Option two, I let him
walk and I spend the
rest of my life
358
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,235
with Holt as my babysitter.
359
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:33,100
And honestly,
when I think about
360
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,969
spending the rest of my
life with a babysitter,
361
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,775
she's kind of a cute
blonde named Erica.
362
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,434
And she always has
pizza money and lets me
stay up as late as I want.
363
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,112
How old are you
in this scenario?
364
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,539
Anyway, the point is,
Holt cares more about
365
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,314
whether I "do my job right"
than whether I have a job
at all.
366
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:49,784
So, I'm taking suggestions.
367
00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:51,546
I say piss off Holt.
368
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,751
So we get to watch
your career end right
in front of us.
369
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,618
Okay. Thank you
for that, Santiago.
370
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:56,991
I'm going to put you
down for, "Don't arrest."
371
00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,065
And I'm also going to
put your phone number on
every urinal in Rikers.
372
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,760
Don't arrest him.
Just smack him.
Hard.
373
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,429
With a phone book on a
body part no one can see.
You know what I'm saying?
374
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,335
So, you're suggesting
police brutality?
375
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,499
(LAUGHING)
I guess so, yeah.
Why?
376
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:10,967
Hey, Scully.
377
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,675
Yeah.
You want this collar?
378
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,144
Paperwork's all done
and it's perfect.
379
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,313
The Podolski kid?
Are you kidding?
380
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:17,674
I just gave him my lunch.
381
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,109
Okay.
382
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,509
Boyle, what do you think?
383
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,481
I don't know, man.
I'm lost.
384
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,545
The universe is a cruel
and vexing puzzle.
385
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,614
I'm at the whim
of the cosmos.
386
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,827
All right, I'm going to put
you down for, "Bummer."
387
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,888
And you can hang out
in that category
all by yourself.
388
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,067
GINA:
Hey, everyone.
389
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:39,866
Hey, Jake.
There's a very sexy,
angry official here.
390
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,999
Deputy Commissioner Podolski.
He's asking for you.
391
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:47,205
Very angry, elderly,
sexy, furious.
392
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,878
Well, my career is over.
393
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,183
See you at the bottom,
Hitchcock. No offense.
394
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,277
No, none taken.
395
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:00,018
Deputy Commissioner.
396
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,116
Where's my son?
397
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:02,717
He is at my desk,
398
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,990
enjoying a nice glass
of bubbly water
399
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,692
and some chocolate
I was saving for
a special occasion.
400
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,290
Hey, Peralta.
When you're done,
401
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:12,633
could you help me wrap up
this massive cocaine bust
I just pulled off?
402
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,899
Thanks.
403
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,372
Oh, Deputy Commissioner,
404
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,533
didn't see you there.
405
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,303
Sorry for interrupting.
406
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,675
Amy Santiago.
(SIGHING)
407
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:22,773
Trevor.
408
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,873
What did you do
this time?
Nothing.
409
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:27,044
There you have it.
He said he did nothing.
410
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,680
So I caught him red-handed,
doing nothing?
411
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:32,246
I'm saying maybe
it's a possibility
you made a mistake.
412
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,723
You know, normally,
I would agree with you,
413
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,590
but I've been pretty
detail-oriented the
last few hours.
414
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:40,154
You might not understand this,
but Trevor is a special kid.
415
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,291
He makes straight A's.
He's going to Duke next year.
416
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,529
Lacrosse scholarship.
417
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,602
Oh.
Sometimes, boys...
418
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:48,067
just need to be boys.
419
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:49,972
You do realize
420
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:53,011
he did thousands
of dollars' worth of
property damage, though.
421
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:56,240
To police vehicles...
Look, I think
we can all agree
422
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,943
that I'm ordering you
to let this slide.
423
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:00,612
Because nothing happened.
424
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,586
This is officially
out of your hands.
425
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,215
Would you actually
mind just checking
out my report?
426
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:09,419
It's pretty thorough,
and I spent over an
hour on fonts.
427
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:10,958
Kind of snazzy.
So...
428
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,931
Oh, thank you.
I'll get right to it.
429
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,967
Thanks.
Trevor, let's go.
430
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,900
Have a good one.
431
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,139
Yes.
432
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,577
What's up with the chair?
433
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:35,017
Um, Carlene predicted
if I get out of this chair,
434
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,585
I'd get badly hurt.
So, I'm not chancing it.
435
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:41,052
Oh, man, there's no more
pudding cups left.
436
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,653
Ah! What did you
do that for?
437
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,362
There. Now, you're
hurt in this chair.
438
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,522
You can get hurt
anywhere, Boyle.
439
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,624
And if you do,
440
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,101
it won't be because some
shoe salesman predicted it.
441
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,268
You make your
own destiny.
442
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:04,778
Well, we don't have to
worry about Podolski's
son anymore.
443
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,575
The case is officially
out of my hands,
no charges filed.
444
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,382
Why is there
yogurt on this?
445
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:12,422
The Deputy Commissioner
threw my report in
Terry's trash can,
446
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,589
and he had been
eating yogurt earlier.
447
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:15,919
Terry loves yogurt.
448
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,954
Something wrong?
Kind of, yeah.
449
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,761
I called six precincts
about this kid.
450
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,597
He's been brought in
a dozen times.
451
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,603
Theft, vandalism,
drunk and disorderly.
452
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:26,968
But he's never been processed.
453
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,564
His daddy comes in and
bails him out every time.
454
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,131
He's a lucky little jerk.
455
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,802
No, I wouldn't say
he was lucky.
456
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,402
I feel bad for this kid.
457
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,345
I mean,
what kind of father
458
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:39,248
cares so little for
his son that he lets him
get away with everything?
459
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,583
Well, he's someone
else's problem now,
like you said.
460
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:45,654
It's out of your hands.
461
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,160
All right. I see what
you're trying to do,
but it's not going to work.
462
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:51,162
I'm not going to arrest him.
I'm going to arrest him!
463
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:52,891
You want backup?
Yes.
464
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:55,257
(SIREN WAILING)
465
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,531
What is this?
You can't do this.
466
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,233
Get that thing
out of here.
467
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,467
Excuse me, sir.
468
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,770
Trevor Podolski,
469
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:07,437
you're under arrest
for vandalism and
destruction of property.
470
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:08,707
But Dad...
What are you doing?
471
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,111
I told you to
back off, Peralta.
472
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:12,082
First off,
the name's Santiago.
473
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,051
Detective Amy Santiago.
474
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,178
Second,
I'm arresting your son.
475
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,984
Which, as I say it aloud,
476
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,149
seems like an
unwise choice.
477
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,690
But it's the one
I'm making.
478
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,820
Once again, my name
is Amy Santiago.
479
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,263
You're being stupid, Peralta.
Don't be stupid.
480
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,924
I can make your
life miserable.
481
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,469
Commissioner,
please don't talk to my
detective in that tone.
482
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:33,266
If you have a complaint,
you can take it up with me.
483
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,569
You just made yourself
a very powerful enemy, Holt.
484
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:39,440
I'm going to be watching you,
both of you, like a hawk.
485
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,945
You're going to have
to try a little harder
if you want to scare me.
486
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,278
I've been an openly
gay cop since 1987.
487
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,716
So, you're not
the first superior
officer to threaten me.
488
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,481
You know how I'm
still standing here?
489
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,420
Because I do my job.
490
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,151
And I do it right.
491
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,351
Damn, son!
492
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,292
Don't say "son."
Sorry.
493
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,854
PERALTA: Deputy Commissioner,
if you want to pick Trevor up,
he'll be at the Nine-Nine.
494
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,223
Let's go, Fartman.
495
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,437
Carlene was wrong, Gina.
496
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:08,598
Rosa said it herself.
497
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,471
I'm in charge of
my own destiny.
498
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,100
That means she wants
me to make a move.
499
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,202
Mmm, but Carlene
was also right.
500
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,770
You did get hurt because
Rosa punched you.
501
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:19,817
And the fact that
Rosa punched you means
she does not like you.
502
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,547
No. No, she punched me
to prove Carlene wrong.
503
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:23,815
DIAZ: Move!
504
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,688
Oh, wait,
I take it back.
505
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:27,418
She definitely
is into you.
506
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:28,925
So much chemistry.
507
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:30,655
I know. It's crazy.
508
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,022
All right, let's get
this meeting started.
509
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,122
PERALTA: I'm not late.
I'm here.
510
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,324
(ALARM BEEPING)
511
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,197
Right on time.
512
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:45,543
You're out of uniform,
Peralta.
513
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,374
Baby steps, Captain.
514
00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:50,211
Baby steps.
Ripped By mstoll