Sub created by: David Coleman.
Chyna, fantastic news!
As part of my new mentor program, I'm bringing one of the world's
greatest musical talents to the school to work with you.
Really? Who is it? No, let me guess!
Okay. It's Madame Goo Goo!
Sorry, I'm very bad at playing guessing games.
Madame Goo Goo? I love her!
I actually met her once back at my old school,
and then I lost her number at a fortune cookie factory.
- So what I did was... - I'm sorry, Chyna.
But I'm also very bad at listening to long-winded anecdotes.
Well, you must hate me.
So when is Madame Goo Goo getting here?
I'm already here.
You're standing on me!
Oh, my gosh!
I cannot believe I just stood on Madame Goo Goo!
I will never wash my feet again!
Interesting factoid...
Ewe.
♪Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo.
Woo!
♪Everybody's got that thing.
♪Something different, we all bring.
♪Don't you let 'em, clip your wings.
♪You got it! You got it!
♪We're on fire and we blaze, in extraordinary ways.
♪365 days.
♪We got it! We got it!
♪You can dream it. You can be it.
♪If you can feel it, you can believe it!
♪Because I am, you are, we are...
♪Exceptional.
♪Exceptional!
♪Yeah, I am, you are, we are...
♪Exceptional.
♪Exceptional!
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
Woo!
Cool!
These dresses could only belong to Madame Goo Goo!
Actually, this whole thing is a dress.
I wanted something that could go from day to night.
To another day to another night, then to the beach,
then to the rodeo, then back again.
I'm so excited to be working with you.
I don't know if you remember, but we met...
I don't remember.
I'm bad with faces, names, remembering things I just said and faces and names.
And also faces. And names.
Okay.
Well, to start, I thought I might sing you one of my songs and get your feedback.
First, I need you look after Mr. Whimpers for me.
Sure. Is Mr. Whimpers your dog?
No. He's my dress designer.
Did you let him get loose?
He likes to mark his territory.
Mr. Whimpers, no!
Okay, how about I play you a little bit of my song now?
♪I call you, I raise you I see you, I play you.
♪I'm a wild card.
♪A wild card.
I love it!
You love my song?
No, I love the new dress Mr. Whimpers made for me.
It's sure to stop traffic.
When did you change?
I haven't.
Now I have.
Anyway, back to your song.
I hate it.
But I know what would make it better.
You think my song will sound better if I'm wearing a sandpaper dress?
It can't hurt.
Actually, it can!
A lot!
Just sing it again.
♪I call you, I raise you I see you, I play you.
♪I'm a wild card.
♪A wild card.
I don't know, Chyna.
It's very rough.
Of course it's rough, I'm wearing sandpaper.
Mr. Grundy, I heard Chyna is getting to work with Madame Goo Goo.
It's not fair. I never get anything, except attention, boys, compliments, presents...
I had a feeling you might complain, so I got you a mentor as well.
Really? Is it Dustin Timberwolf?
Or Vicki Garaj?
Guess again.
Your mentor is Marcie McLaughlin!
Wow, I'm bad at guessing games.
Marcie McLaughlin?
I don't think I've ever heard her music.
That's because she's a world-renowned mathematician.
Oh, my gosh!
Professor Marcie McLaughlin is here!
You plus me equals... ah!
Ah!
I know everything about you!
You won the Fields Medal in mathematics, you have a dog named Pythagoras,
and you had a spinach frittata for breakfast!
How do you know what I had for breakfast?
Because it's stuck in your teeth!
Please! Sign my abacus! Sign my abacus!
Hey, back off.
She's my mentor!
You didn't even know who she was.
Yeah, but now that she wants her, I want her.
Never mind, I don't want her.
Mr. Grundy, I need to talk to you about Madame Goo Goo.
It doesn't seem like she's the slightest bit interested in being my mentor.
Oh, that's because she's not the slightest bit interested in being your mentor.
The fact is, I may have stretched the truth a wee smidge
when I said goo goo was here to work with you.
What part of the truth?
All of it.
I lied. I blatantly lied.
I hired Madame Goo Goo to debut her new song
at the charity event I'm throwing tomorrow.
We're raising money to send inner-city kids to summer camp.
Well, that's wonderful, but what does any of this have to do with me?
She hasn't written the song yet.
I need you to keep an eye on her and make sure she gets it done.
Mr. Grundy, I'm not sure I can do this.
Madame Goo Goo is totally unstable.
I checked her horoscope. She was born under the sign of...
Well, you're going to have to.
Not just for those poor, disadvantaged kids,
but because I'm making this an official school assignment.
It'll count towards 99% of your final school grade.
- What's the other 1%? - Attendance.
Chyna Parks?
Here.
I can't believe I have to babysit a 35-year-old woman.
How am I going to get her to do what I want?
Well, you could always do what my Grandma Dottie does when she babysits me...
Put me in a closet until my parents get home.
Yeah, she's old school.
So what do you think of my dress?
I'm making a fashion statement.
And is that statement "I swallowed a horse shoe"?
Ooh, that will bring you good luck.
Or kill you.
I don't mean to bother you but,
aren't you supposed to be writing a song for the charity benefit tomorrow?
What kind of a person sits down
and writes a song just because somebody paid them to?
A professional songwriter?
Listen, I know you're a great musician...
And I would be really interested in seeing how you work.
Oh. I guess it couldn't hurt to show you my "process".
My digestive process.
I meant your song-writing process.
Oh. Well, basically, I like to just throw out ideas and see what sticks.
Oh, I get it.
You throw alphabet soup on a wall and see if the letters spell out interesting ideas.
That explains how you came up with your hit song, Mxldzblekurrg.
No, I just hate this soup.
Mxldzblekurrg was the name of my first boyfriend.
Or it may have been Bob.
As I mentioned, I'm not good with names.
Listen, maybe it will be easier to write your song if we sit down at the piano.
The best songs aren't written by sitting in some stuffy building.
The best songs are written by living life!
We need to have an adventure!
Okay. We could go to the zoo.
Or we could break my brother out of prison!
Maybe there's a third choice.
One that's legal and doesn't involve a getaway car.
Okay, Lexi, let's start by discussing the Brustrom Conjecture
concerning non-trivial irregular prime numbers.
I've been working on it for 11 years.
What you should be working on is more interesting topics of conversation.
I can't believe I'm this close to Professor Marcie McLaughlin!
Anyway, Lexi, I thought you might like to see my proof.
I'm only about five years away from solving the conjecture.
It's simple.
The answer is 47x to the power of y minus three over two PI epsilon.
You've solved it!
You are brilliant! You have an amazing future ahead of you in mathematics!
You take that back right now!
How can you not like math?
It's... it's the fundamental building block of everything
known to and valued by human civilization!
Science, art...
Nature, beauty...
Beauty? Tell me more!
Professor McLaughlin is referring to the fact that
beauty is a function of proportion and symmetry.
Which is why I believe the classic Fairy Tale should've been called...
Symmetry and the Beast.
So there's a way for me to prove that I'm the
most beautiful person that's ever lived!
It won't just be my opinion or the opinion of everyone who's ever seen me!
It'll be a mathematical fact!
You know, when we got in your private jet to go to the Eighth Wonder of the World...
I didn't think you meant a magic store called "the Eighth Wonder of the World".
I thought you meant the Pyramids.
Why would you think that?
By the way, does this dress make my butt look big?
How is any of this going to help you write a song?
I've always been inspired by magic stores.
There's no better way to make yourself feel more alive
than by looking at the people who work at a magic store!
Hello. Can you help me?
I mean, can I help you?
Look at him! I've never felt more alive!
Okay, I'll just take your facial measurements
and plug the numbers into the formula.
Don't mind me.
Just pretend I'm not here.
I tried. It's not working.
Anyway, I'll be able to give you a precise mathematical measurement of your beauty.
Oh! But this chart only goes from one to 10.
You're going to need one that goes from one to Lexi.
Ooh, a piece of mathemabilia!
Actually, I can tell just from looking at you that
you're probably going to score about average.
What do you mean, "average?"
Well, average is a measure of the middle value of a data set.
So on a scale of one to 10, you would be a five.
Therefore, typical, middle of the road.
What is the word?
Meh.
I know what average means!
There's no way I'm just a five!
Oh, Lexi, I apologize.
I was way off. You are not average.
Thank you.
You are below average.
You register at a 3.6.
Below average? I don't understand!
Well, below average is a measure that falls under the middle value of a data set.
So you'd be sub-par, low-grade...
What's the word?
Ah!
Nothing here is inspiring me.
Wow!
That dress from Mr. Whimper's spring collection?
If you guys aren't going to buy anything, I'm going to...
Lay down in the back.
Hey! Check these out.
Maybe you could write a song about a girl who can't get over her first crush.
You can call it...
"You'll Never Walk Alone"...
"Because I'll Be Handcuffed Right Beside You".
Ooh, I like that dress!
That's a Magical Vanishing Cabinet.
I don't care. I'm trying it on.
Well, maybe there's a song in this...
About a scorned woman whose boyfriend walks out on her and vanishes,
never to be seen again.
I'm bored.
Madame Goo Goo, you really need to write your song.
Madame Goo Goo?
Oh, no! Madame Goo Goo!
- Excuse me, have you seen a woman... - No.
I haven't seen a woman.
In nine years.
I don't know what to do.
I can't find Madame Goo Goo anywhere.
Why don't you check in the supply closet?
That's where you always go when you're trying to avoid me.
Oh. You caught on to that?
Yeah, but don't worry, "You'll Never Walk Alone"...
"Because I'll Be Handcuffed Right Beside You".
Fletcher, I don't have time for this.
Madame Goo Goo hasn't written a song for the benefit tomorrow!
She's obviously trying to avoid it, and Mr. Grundy is going to blame me!
Ah, Chyna.
How is Madame Goo Goo's song coming?
The kids from my charity are very excited.
Oh, don't worry about the song.
Or why I'm handcuffed to Fletcher.
Everything's totally under control.
Well, don't let me down because you begged me for this opportunity.
What? I begged you not to make me do it!
There was begging. That's all I remember.
What am I going to do?
Don't worry, Chyna. I'll take care of it.
You have Fletcher Quimby's word...
That people will get a Madame Goo Goo performance tomorrow.
Thanks, Fletcher.
Hey, and while you're out looking for her, do you mind taking Mr. Whimpers for a walk?
Who's a good designer? Who's a good designer?
Madame Goo Goo!
I've been looking all over for you!
What?
Oh, Winter. It's you.
Why do you have all those?
Mr. Grundy isn't the only one who has a worthy cause.
I collect toys from children, and then throw them away.
I call it "Tears for Tots".
You know, has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Madame Goo Goo?
No.
You look a lot like Madame Goo Goo.
So I've been told.
Just now. By you.
Can I ask you a favor?
It's nothing big.
I just need you to perform at Mr. Grundy's charity event tomorrow,
singing a song I wrote and pretending to be one of the world's biggest pop stars.
Please? I'm in huge bind and I really need you to help me.
Well, that would certainly be the nice thing to do, so no.
All right, let me break it down for you.
Mr. Grundy made me keep track of Madame Goo Goo,
and I lost her, but you're in charge of me, so technically you lost her.
And Mr. Grundy's going to be a lot harder on you
because you're an adult and I'm just a child who will say...
I towwy, Mr. Gwundy.
Don't bwame me. Bwame Wintew.
Fine. I'll do it.
But only because I respect your attempt at blackmail.
Fwank you, Wintew! You'we my vewy best fweind!
There's no way I'm a 3.7!
Actually, you were a 3.6.
Shut it!
You know what else is ugly?
Your attitude.
How can this be?
Run those numbers again. Fix this!
Well, actually, I can create a computer simulation of you
that is mathematically perfect.
All I have to do is adjust your eyes,
change your nose, balance your cheekbones. And...
Perfection.
You've got to be kidding me!
I don't see why she's so surprised.
All you did was prove how attractive I am or,
what I like to call the "Zazow Theorem".
Winter, you look amazing.
Now, before you go on, do you need anything else to feel like a pop star?
Cold pressed juice? Filtered glacier water?
A void in your soul that can never be filled
no matter how much praise and applause you get?
No thanks. I already have a void in my soul.
But some water would be nice.
Wow, you changed outfits already?
You're really getting the Madame Goo Goo thing down!
I should hope so.
I've been Madame Goo Goo since I was a baby.
I was named after my first word...
"Madam".
Madame Goo Goo? You're back!
Did Fletcher find you after you disappeared on me back at the magic store?
What are you talking about? I was there the whole time.
This dress fits perfectly!
I'll take it.
I looked everywhere for you, but you were nowhere to be found,
so I went on an adventure and broke my brother out of prison.
Well, now that you're here, I've to tell Winter that she doesn't have to go on.
What are you doing?
This is my concert!
No, this is my concert.
I need the praise and applause to fill the void in my soul.
How dare you steal my thunder?
I ought to... deck you.
Well, you won't talk so tough when the chips are down.
I'd like to bring out a star who needs no introduction,
but whose 2,300-page contract demands one.
Will one of you please get on stage and perform?
Preferably the talented one.
That's me!
Put your hands together, then apart, then together again rapidly for the one...
The only, Madame Goo Goo!
♪La la la la la la la.
What are you doing?
I gave you my word that Madame Goo Goo would perform tonight,
and perform she will!
♪ I call you, I raise you I see you, I play you.
♪I'm a wild card.
What a ridiculous outfit!
That girl has a boy costume on her back!
♪I'm a wild card.
Chyna, what was all that about?
Mr. Gwundy, I can expwain.
It's not me you have to expwain to.
It's these poor kids who won't be going to summer camp now.
I thought it was an organization to send urban kids to summer camp.
Yes. These baby goats, or "kids"...
Were raised in cramped apartments with no fresh air
or access to open fields to graze on.
Why are all these goats living in apartments?
That's largely the work of my previous charity...
Which raised money to give country kids the opportunity to grow up in the big city.
I think you're confusing the word "charity" with "crazy".
I know they both start with C and end in Y,
but they're really very different principles.
- I thought you were upset. - I was but...
Kids say the darndest things.
Bah!
Hilarious.
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend & Katniss Everdeen Www.Addic7ed.Com.