1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,240 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:09,440 ♪ I really do try, really do try Really do try (Uploaded to addic7ed.com by Plenary) 3 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,640 ♪ There's a million things that I could change 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,360 ♪ But maybe it's all right 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,760 ♪ Cos this is my life, this is my life, this is my life. ♪ 6 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,560 Thought I was going to be late. Jake tried to eat Mac. 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,560 - It was horrible. - Is Mac OK? 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,440 Yeah, I think so. Are you OK, Mac? 9 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,240 Yeah, he's fine. 10 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,000 You can't bring him to school! 11 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,920 I had to. If he stays home, Jake will eat him. 12 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,760 Jake's trying to become the alpha male of the house. He thinks he has 13 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,400 to eat all the other pets. He's already had Wolverine. 14 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,480 - Goldfish. - Mac can just sleep in the bag, he likes sleeping. 15 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,320 What if a teacher sees him? 16 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,840 I'm going to pretend he's a furry pencil case. 17 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,760 Oh, you're actually serious? Yes, good plan(!) 18 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,920 Where's his zip, though? 19 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,000 You're going to have an amazing day, Mac. 20 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,200 We've got textiles first, 21 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,600 and I'm going to show you how to work a sewing machine! 22 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,640 DOG WHIMPERS 23 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,600 Let's have some quiet, please, J K Rowling House. 24 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,680 I've got a couple of announcements to make, but first of all, 25 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,160 I'd like to hand you over to Tyler Blaine, our Head Boy. 26 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,560 Hey, guys. 27 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,160 Just a quick reminder about our Greenshoots Got Talent charity night. 28 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,160 Now, I'm holding auditions all this week, 29 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,560 so come along and see if you've got what it takes. 30 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,600 I doubt any of them have got any real talent, 31 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,640 but wouldn't it be lovely to be proved wrong? 32 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:29,240 Still, I've been working here seven years and it hasn't happened yet. 33 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,840 Oh. OK, thank you, Tyler Blaine. 34 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,000 Looking very sharp today, by the way, loving the hair. 35 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,360 Oh, is that new? 36 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,160 Auditions taking place lunch time, music block. 37 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Thank you, Tyler Blaine. Let's give him a round of applause. 38 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,520 Now, I'm disappointed to have to say that there has been 39 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,200 evidence of drug use in the toilets. 40 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,000 As you all know, anyone found in possession of drugs on school 41 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,880 premises will face severe consequences. 42 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,600 (Best to have them before you get here.) 43 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,800 - Ssh. - So I'm putting a five minute limit on toilet visits. 44 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,680 (I could do so many drugs in five minutes, she's got no idea.) 45 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:07,920 Shut up, Holli. 46 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,280 So I need some volunteers from sixth form to run my anti-narcotics 47 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,160 toilet squad, the ANTS. 48 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,880 The "Ants" will monitor the toilets every break time. 49 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,120 I can't go if someone's listening. What if I rupture my bladder? 50 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,600 Like you did in year three. 51 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,040 It's quite a good gig, because you'll be issued with 52 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,400 a clipboard, a pen, a tabard and a stopwatch. 53 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,160 Plus it's a good little extra for your uni application. 54 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,080 So, who wants to volunteer? 55 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,440 OK, thanks, Viva. 56 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,680 No, I didn't volunteer. 57 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,280 You start today. 58 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,720 I didn't volunteer. 59 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,160 So, any questions? 60 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,280 I didn't volunteer! 61 00:02:55,320 --> 00:03:00,960 That's it, Mac, just tap the screen when you see the snack you want. 62 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,120 I hope you're going to audition. I know you can sing. 63 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,560 I'm not sure. Probably be too busy logging people's toilet visits. 64 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,280 Logging people's logs. Ha-ha. 65 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,280 Come on, that's funny. 66 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,320 HOLLI SCOFFS 67 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,600 Do you want me to talk to Anna and get you off toilet duty? 68 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,400 - Because I can do that for you, no probs. - You call her Anna? 69 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,400 Or Hitchy. It's a Head Boy privilege. 70 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,320 It's OK, I'll handle "Hitchy". 71 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,080 Oh, independent, I like that. 72 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,440 You know, this might sound weird, 73 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,680 but you look kind of hot in that outfit. 74 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,280 OK. Have you got a thing for toilet monitors? 75 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,520 Not usually. 76 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,200 - GIRLS: - Hey, Tyler! 77 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,640 I've got a message for you from Charlie. 78 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,280 Stay away from Tyler. 79 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,040 What, is she fake pregnant again? 80 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,920 But this time by Tyler, like she was fake pregnant by Brandon? 81 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,840 You'd better listen up, toilet girl, cos this is serious. 82 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,920 The message is, stay away from Tyler. 83 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,960 Tyler Blaine belongs to me. 84 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,160 I mean to us, I mean to Char... 85 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,080 You like him too, but Charlie won't let you have him? 86 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,640 You and your friends had better watch out! 87 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,560 Make that...47 seconds. 88 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,600 I fucking rule at quick weeing. 89 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,680 Guess what? Tyler Blaine fancies Viva. 90 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,120 That's not what I said. 91 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,280 - Fancies Viva? - What's that? 92 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,640 My private journal. 93 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,840 - Oh, private, can we see? - Is it a diary? 94 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,240 No, it's a journal. Remember that counsellor we saw? 95 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,440 He thought it might help me sort out my feelings 96 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,680 if I write everything down. 97 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,640 Is it feelings about why no boys fancy you? 98 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,600 It's just a way for me to vent about stuff that I might be repressing. 99 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,560 - About why no boys fancy you? - No, Amber, it's not about that. 100 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,200 It's mostly about issues with my family and spiritual differences. 101 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,840 The dilemmas facing a modern Sikh girl in a Western society. 102 00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,640 And some other random stuff. 103 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,920 I bet it's about why no boys fancy you. 104 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,120 Joe fancied her. 105 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,640 Yeah, but he's emigrated to Australia. 106 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,880 Madison really tried to scare me. 107 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,600 She told me to stay away from Tyler or else. 108 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,520 It's classic bully bullshit. 109 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,920 I don't get why Tyler Blaine fancies you. 110 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,960 I mean, I'm blonde. 111 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,480 Weird, Amber was supposed to meet me, but never showed, 112 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,480 and now she's not even replying to my texts. 113 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,840 I wouldn't worry about Amber, 114 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,920 she went to give Mac a tour of the IT suite. 115 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,920 - They got Mac! They got Mac! - Who did this, Amber? 116 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,440 It was Charlie and her gang, they grabbed me. 117 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,040 They took Mac. They tied me to a pillar. 118 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,480 They said Charlie was serious about Viva leaving Tyler alone. 119 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,840 They won't get away with this. 120 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:49,280 I'm going to hurt them girls, swear down. It's not OK! 121 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,280 Ah, he's all right Amber. He looks a bit freaked-out. 122 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,240 No, I think that's just his face. 123 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,840 No-one takes my best friend and tapes them to a pillar! 124 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,600 No-one takes my best friend's dog and tapes HIM to a pillar! 125 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,920 This is not OK! 126 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,880 Calm down, Holli, you're not helping. Has anyone got a tissue? 127 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,720 - No. - She really needs a tissue. - I'm going to... 128 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,080 I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to hurt them, I swear DOWN! 129 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,960 Try this. Sorry, it's all I've got. 130 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,680 Have you got any more? Light flow just isn't going to cut it. 131 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,440 AMBER SOBS 132 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,080 I'm going to kidnap them, tie them up, drive them out to the country 133 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,320 and dump them in a forest to be eaten by wolves. 134 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,520 That's what I'm going to do. 135 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,600 Wolves have been extinct in the UK since 1843, but whatever. 136 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,840 You don't think big, you'll never achieve nothing. 137 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,280 We should go to Mr Jefferies. 138 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,400 No, I don't want Mr Jefferies getting involved. 139 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,200 Why? Are you scared of Charlie? 140 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,440 Not for me, for Mac. He's easily scared. 141 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:42,960 He's scared of the colour red. 142 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,240 He goes mental every time we pass a post-box. 143 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,960 He saw a Ferrari once and disembowelled a squirrel. 144 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,160 It's not fair, you getting attacked cos of me talking to Tyler. 145 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,120 I'm not sure I even like Tyler. 146 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,920 Course you do. You must. He's... 147 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,320 - ALL: - Tyler Blaine. 148 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,440 Nice apron. 149 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,240 DOG BARKS 150 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,280 APRON RIPS 151 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,880 Hey, Viva. 152 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,920 Dad, she made me stand outside the toilets all of lunch time! 153 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,400 - What's this, Anna? - It's a very important job. 154 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,880 Viva's heading up the Anti-Narcotics Toilet Squad. 155 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,120 I still haven't got that smell out of my nose. 156 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,720 That smell is minuscule particles of faecal matter stuck 157 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,160 - to your nostril hair. - Ugh! 158 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,680 That's just... Urgh! 159 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,640 God, you pick on me all the time! 160 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,440 You know I can't show you favouritism just cos we're related. 161 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,280 - We're not related. - We live in the same house, 162 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,160 I'm shagging your dad, I'm about to give birth to your sister. 163 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,880 - I think... - No, we're not related. 164 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,720 Well, we will be once the baby comes. 165 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,480 I'll be related to the baby, not you. 166 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,560 Whoa, let's mellow this vibe down, ladies. 167 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,400 Tell her not to make me do the toilet thing! 168 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,560 The Principal's breathing down my neck every day 169 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,760 about the sixth formers being so stoned, they can't do their work. 170 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,680 You don't realise how much nicer they are when they're baked. 171 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,480 You know what I think? 172 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,760 You two are the two females I love most in the world 173 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,880 and you need to learn to love each other, 174 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,280 because a home without love is like a car without an engine. 175 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,080 It's like a torch without batteries, 176 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,760 it's like a sausage roll with no sausage. 177 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,400 Misfits after the funny one left. 178 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,000 Dad, I love you, but do not expect me to pretend to love her! 179 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,320 I'm just asking for some mutual respect. 180 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,720 Exactly. I think she should call me Mum. 181 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:26,520 I'm just kidding! not really. Oh, that would be horrible! 182 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,640 OK, do we sit with Tyler? 183 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,560 I think Mac would like us to make a stand. 184 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,240 Mac hates bullies. 185 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,200 Yeah, we're really getting that(!) 186 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,960 What happened to you coming to audition? 187 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,800 - I never said I was going to. - Mac and I are going to come. 188 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,640 We've got a mind-reading act. I can read his mind. 189 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,960 Like, I just look at him and I know he wants a sausage. 190 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,800 He can read my mind too. 191 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,880 Must have amazing eyesight. 192 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,160 Mac wants us to go toilet now. 193 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,520 I'm sorry, Tyler, but I don't really like singing in public. 194 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,720 It's more of an in-the-shower thing. 195 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,720 I'll audition you there if you like. 196 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,600 I sing in the shower as well, Tyler. 197 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,200 You're welcome to audition me in there any time. 198 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,880 (17 Edenside Close.) 199 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,120 Always a warm welcome at my place, Tyler, 200 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,080 especially in the shower, cos that water's scalding hot. 201 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,600 I'm going to head over to the music block. 202 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,840 Seriously, Viva, you need to audition. 203 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,000 You've got something special. 204 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,480 OK, you've got to bang him, 205 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,360 cos if you don't, you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it. 206 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,040 No! I just don't want to. 207 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,720 - But it's a waste. - I'm still getting over Rocky. 208 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,600 The thing is, he's never going to bang me, so you banging him is the 209 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,640 only way I'm going to find out what it's like. 210 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,040 So basically, you saying you won't bang him is you being a bitch to me. 211 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,640 VIVA SCOFFS 212 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,040 Let's wave. 213 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,840 It's nice we're making friends with them now. 214 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,880 Have you ever been sitting there and thought to yourself, 215 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,600 "What's that smell"? And then you realise, "OMG, it's my fanny." 216 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,760 - No. - No, no, nor me. 217 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,360 They've attacked my locker now! 218 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,640 Everything in there is covered in acid or something. 219 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,280 They can't get away with this. 220 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,400 Typical, the shitting cameras are broken. 221 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,880 How come it's always working fine 222 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,560 when I'm the one pouring hydrochloric acid into the lockers? 223 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,280 Mine's OK. Yay! Found my Smarties. 224 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,600 Those bitches! 225 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,320 This is all my fault. 226 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,400 I wonder why they didn't do my locker. 227 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,000 Maybe they thought after what they done to Mac the other day, 228 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,360 - I'd suffered enough. - Where is Mac? 229 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,240 He's in my bag. 230 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,560 He's gone! He's gone! Maccy! 231 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,600 Maccy! 232 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,000 MAC BARKS 233 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,400 - Where did it come from? - HOLLI AND VIVA: Over there. 234 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,120 MAC BARKS 235 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,400 Argh! 236 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,040 Oh, I have to get Mr Taylor. 237 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,280 Maccy! 238 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,520 MAC BARKS 239 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,520 You're safe now, boy. Amby Wamby's here. 240 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,720 What's going on? 241 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,320 I'm sorry, Saz, but we've had all our lockers attacked. 242 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,600 - Probably done yours as well. - No, it'll be fine. 243 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,920 Have you lot never seen a teen movie before? 244 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,120 Lockers are the first place that bullies think of. 245 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,640 Classic bully bullshit. 246 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,000 Trick is, keep one step ahead. Changed my locker yesterday. 247 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,080 Oh, my God! 248 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:04,920 Look at them gloating! 249 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,760 You want to mess? You want to mess? 250 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,120 I said, do you want to mess?! 251 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,680 Excuse me, but I think your eyeballs are going to pop out and roll down the corridor. 252 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,760 You what? 253 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,880 Holli, leave it. Let's take this to Mr Jefferies. 254 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,400 - Take what? You've got nothing. - I'm going to hurt these hos. 255 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,400 I'm going to pull out your hair extensions and strangle you with them! 256 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,160 I'm going to rip out your fake nails and carve my name on your face. 257 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,760 No! That's what they want, they want you to get in trouble 258 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,280 and get kicked out of school. 259 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,440 It's simple. 260 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,080 You stay away from Tyler and we'll leave you alone. 261 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,400 Tyler's mine. 262 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,480 Why would Tyler go for someone who's banged the whole football team 263 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,600 and the whole rugby squad and even the whole of Ultimate Frisbee club? 264 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,280 In fact, are there any boys left in this entire school who've 265 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,240 managed to avoid the cosmic suction force of your vagina?! 266 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,880 OK! 267 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,120 Let's go. 268 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,160 BELL RINGS 269 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,320 So, I guess you're not coming to audition? 270 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,400 - No. - It's a shame. I really think you're talented. 271 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,920 I heard you singing in the school concert and it was beautiful. 272 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,240 It made the hairs on my arms stand on end. 273 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,200 - Really? - We should get together some time, have a chat 274 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,680 about uni applications and stuff. 275 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,240 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'd love that, Tyler. 276 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,240 - How about today after school? - Today? 277 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,240 I've got a meeting with the Principle at 3:30 to discuss 278 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,200 this school I'm helping build in Gambia, but... 279 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,400 You can probably squeeze her in after. 280 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,160 - I can meet you at the caff at 4:30. - I'll be there. 281 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,640 - She'll be there. - Awesome. - She's looking forward to it. 282 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,240 Shut up, Holli! 283 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,600 - MADISON: - Hey, Tyler. 284 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,800 We'll be coming to audition, Tyler. See you later, Tyler. 285 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,360 And don't forget your date with Viva, Tyler. 286 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,320 No! 287 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,600 - No, they can't read it! - What's the matter, Saz? 288 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,800 It's gone! My journal! 289 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,120 Oh, my God, it can't come out. 290 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,680 It just can't come out. IT CANNOT COME OUT! 291 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,760 Saz, it's OK. We'll help you get it back. 292 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,520 They're going to read it and tell everyone what's inside, 293 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,840 and when they do, I will literally want to kill myself! 294 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,840 It is that bad! My family will find out. 295 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,560 I'll bring dishonour to my father. 296 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,920 He'll send me off to the Punjab to learn to be a good girl 297 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,600 and I'll never see my friends again! 298 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,400 Saz, please! Don't get upset. We can sort this out. 299 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,400 It can't be sorted out. You can't do nothing, admit it! 300 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,680 I need to start planning my suicide. 301 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,120 It's the only way. 302 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,960 OK, this is all because of me and Tyler Blaine, so maybe if we, 303 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,880 if we go to Charlie and I promise to stay away from Tyler... 304 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,640 Saz, will you stop making that noise and listen to me? 305 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,200 If I go to Charlie and promise to stay away from Tyler, 306 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,400 then maybe they'll give us your diary back. 307 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,600 Fuck that. We don't let Charlie win, ever. 308 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,960 Normally I'd agree with you, but look... 309 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,960 We have got to do something. 310 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,000 SAZ SHRIEKS 311 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,400 You win, Charlie. I'll leave Tyler alone like you wanted. 312 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,760 You said this would happen, didn't you, Charlie? 313 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,360 Charlie said this would happen. 314 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,680 So, you've come to beg for your diary? 315 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:44,920 Do you see us begging? 316 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,440 I mean, we're asking politely. 317 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:50,960 Maybe you should beg. 318 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,360 We're not begging. 319 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,160 That's a shame. 320 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,400 Saz, no! 321 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,720 Please can I have my journal back? 322 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,320 Charlie didn't catch that. You need to beg! 323 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,760 I'm begging, please can I have my diary back? 324 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,920 CHARLIE LAUGHS 325 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,800 - No. - It's such a good read. 326 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,680 We're going to hang on to it for a bit. 327 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,640 You should get it published. Fifty Shades Of Weird. 328 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,560 Come on, Saz, this isn't working. 329 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,840 Please! 330 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,280 OK, fine, you can keep Saz's diary, 331 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,640 but that means I'm going to do whatever I like with Tyler Blaine. 332 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,440 You're so pathetic, you probably don't even know what to do, 333 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,720 or how to do it. 334 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,040 Really? Don't I? 335 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,920 Well, maybe I'm just going to drizzle him with maple syrup 336 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,720 and have him on a waffle! 337 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,320 Which is a metaphor, by the way. 338 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,680 GIRLS LAUGHS 339 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,760 I think. 340 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,880 I'm really sorry, Saz. 341 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,560 No-one can help me. It's classic bully bullshit! 342 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,880 You're late. Your hot chocolate's cold. 343 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,440 It's cold chocolate. 344 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,440 Yeah, I had to do something important. 345 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,920 If you arrange to meet someone, 346 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,840 you should probably turn up on time or it's just unprofessional. 347 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,520 - "Unprofessional?" - Yeah! 348 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,360 I've got a lot to achieve and the clock is ticking. 349 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,560 Sorry to be late, I was trying to help a friend. 350 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,480 Hmm, OK. That's good. 351 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,800 Impressive value system. 352 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,480 I think you and I have a lot in common. 353 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,320 I think your girlfriend's spotted us. 354 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,400 Oh, it's Emily! 355 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,280 She's from the hospice. 356 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,760 She likes to go for a wander in the afternoons. 357 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,480 You know her? 358 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,680 I volunteer there. Sit with the old folk. 359 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,240 At a hospice? Isn't that very sad? 360 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,040 No, no. 361 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,680 And they love it. 362 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,400 I'm told it's nice for them to sit with someone who's young 363 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,360 and handsome and doesn't smell of death. 364 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,720 She looks like she's waiting for you. 365 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,200 Yeah. I'd better walk her back to the hospice. 366 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,120 That's so lovely of you. 367 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,720 Yeah. 368 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:12,280 To be honest, Emily's a bit of a groper, but if she wants one 369 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:17,400 last squeeze of a firm young bum, then who am I to deny her? 370 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,240 She'll be dead soon. 371 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,000 Well, it's still really lovely of you. 372 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,160 Yeah. And that shit looks epic on your uni application. 373 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,040 Obviously, I care deeply as well. 374 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,440 - Thanks for the cold hot chocolate. - My pleasure. 375 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,040 Look at this. 376 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:56,560 Shit, it's Saz's diary. 377 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,600 "Some thoughts about eye contact." 378 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,120 Huh? 379 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,120 "I've been keeping a record of eye contact 380 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,000 "and I'm beginning to realise that for some reason people find 381 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,520 "it uncomfortable to make eye contact with me." 382 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,720 - She's mental. - "I can't tell people, cos they'll say I'm mental." 383 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,240 And look there. 384 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,920 There's a web link. 385 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,840 But what are they? 386 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,880 Saz has made up some pie charts to do with eye contact and other stuff. 387 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,560 What does it all mean? 388 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,600 That one's to do with pavements. 389 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,440 How often we walk three across with her behind. 390 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,600 It's 57%, apparently. 391 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,280 Oh, it's OK, babe. It's not that bad. 392 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,040 You can ride this out. 393 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,840 More to come! More to come! More to come! 394 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,120 Awesome thumb-work there, Rocky. 395 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,800 Look at that, Jamie, see how he does that flick with his thumb? 396 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,440 That's how you handle zombies. 397 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,040 Can I get a turn? 398 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,200 Come on, Jamie, he's on a roll, you don't interrupt a master at work. 399 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,000 That's it, that's it. That's it! 400 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,080 - Yes!! - He's beaten your top score, Jamie. 401 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,920 I don't care about top score. It's just a number. 402 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,960 - Yeah, a much higher number. - Yes! 403 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,160 You'll have to train me up on that thumb thing. 404 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,080 - Where are you off to? - I thought I might sit in the cupboard in my room 405 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,600 and pick off a patch of flaky paint from the wall. 406 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,040 OK, son, enjoy. 407 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,400 Stop whinging, I told you, 408 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,240 I've found you a volunteer for toilet duty. 409 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,480 I never volunteered. 410 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,400 Come on, Anna, let's leave these two alone. 411 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,080 - I can oil your bump if you like. - Aw, thanks, babe! 412 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,320 It makes it very difficult for me, you coming round here all the time. 413 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,720 I get that. 414 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,120 Cos you're so torn about how you feel about me. 415 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,480 It's destroying you. 416 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,680 No. We're over. 417 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,840 It's time for you to start the next chapter of your life. 418 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,280 New pages! New pages! 419 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,400 "Some thoughts about masturbation." Oh, no. 420 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,560 "No-one talks about masturbation, 421 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,120 "but I bet everyone is doing it, even Miss Phillips. 422 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:05,040 "But I bet if I tried to talk about it, they would pretend they don't." 423 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:13,240 "On Monday, I masturbated, thinking about Brandon." Right. 424 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,040 "On Tuesday, I masturbated, thinking about Joe." 425 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,120 "And Wednesday, I thought about Tyler." 426 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,240 - "But that didn't work." - "So I changed to Jordan." 427 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,560 - "But that didn't work." - "So I changed to Brandon." 428 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,640 Yeah, bet that worked for you, babe. 429 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,600 Even I masturbate, thinking about Brandon. 430 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,400 "It's like sometimes I like BBQ flavour crisps 431 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,040 "and sometimes I like chicken. So what's the problem?" 432 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,800 What's crisps got to do with anything? 433 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,080 "And yesterday I masturbated, 434 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,960 "thinking about Big Jim, the caretaker." 435 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,400 ALL: Urrgh! 436 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,320 Come on, we've all done it. 437 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,440 This is turning out to be a bit more original than I thought. 438 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,440 I need to talk to you all privately. 439 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,080 Oh, hold on, I'm a slow reader. 440 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,080 Saz, it's like you spend all your time making pie charts and wanking. 441 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,800 I think people are going to forget about all this soon. 442 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,080 - No, they won't. - "More to come tomorrow." Great! 443 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,560 I need to talk to you three. Can we go to the cafe after school? 444 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,200 Big Jim, eh? 445 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,040 Viva, have you got a moment? 446 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,760 I need an urgent word about my Gambia project. 447 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,480 It's not really about Gambia. 448 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:22,360 I just saw you and got a slight heart-attacky feeling. 449 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,280 I really want to kiss you. 450 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,200 Would you be into that idea at all? 451 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:32,920 Viva, are you coming? 452 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,840 Shit, everyone! Viva's snogging Tyler Blaine! 453 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,880 STUDENTS CHATTER 454 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,520 What's the big deal? 455 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,360 It's just a nice way to relax at bedtime. 456 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,120 You never tried hot chocolate? 457 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:51,040 I think it's really brave, you telling everyone about all this. 458 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,320 Not many girls would do that. 459 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,200 She didn't exactly tell people, Amber. 460 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,680 I need to talk to you about the other stuff. 461 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,920 There's some other stuff. It's going to be about you. 462 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,560 All of you. 463 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,960 You got it back? 464 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,160 After they photocopied the whole thing. 465 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,520 Anyway, I want you to hear this from me. 466 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,680 What did you put about me? 467 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,160 I'm just going to read the worst bit, OK? 468 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,400 "Amber." 469 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,560 "Why does Amber have to be such a whore? 470 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,800 "I overlook the fact she's thick, because she can't help it, 471 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,840 "but there is no excuse for her behaviour around guys. 472 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,360 "She may as well just wear a big sign around her neck saying 473 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,080 'I do it with anyone'. 474 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,280 "Plus she thinks she's pretty, just cos she's got long, blonde 475 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,320 "hair, but I've seen that hair close up and let me tell you, 476 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,240 "she has bare split ends." 477 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,920 Split ends?! 478 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,160 There's other bits, like when I expressed my shock 479 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,400 that you thought a reindeer's antlers were its ears. 480 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,440 You'll find that antlers do double-up as ears. 481 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,280 It's true, I swear down. I'll back her on that one. 482 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,640 No, it's not true. The ears are separate. 483 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,360 - Read mine now. - OK. 484 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:04,680 "Viva is very pretty with beautiful, sparkly eyes and a great bod. 485 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,520 "And she is a nice, kind girl who tries to help people." 486 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,440 That doesn't sound too bad. 487 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:13,600 "Can't they see, she's just a boring girl with no personality, 488 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:18,080 "whose only interesting point is how incredibly uninteresting she is." 489 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,560 Oh. 490 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,120 I think that's probably hurtful. I can't always tell. 491 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,240 So what you put about me in there? Don't tell me, I can guess anyway. 492 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,320 "Holli's violent, Holli likes to hit people. 493 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,640 "Holli likes to bite people." 494 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,400 I haven't bitten anyone in ages, that is totally unfair! 495 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,080 It's probably easier if I just show you. 496 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,520 What the fuck? 497 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,920 - It's different nutritional break-downs. - What?! 498 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,400 I made a study of your food intake 499 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,320 and worked out some nutritional stats. 500 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,840 Do you know your salt intake is about 700% what it should be? 501 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,920 Whoa, your iron is low. You could well be anaemic. 502 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,400 Looking at these, it's amazing you haven't got scurvy. 503 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,360 Doesn't anyone want to say anything? 504 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,720 THEY SHOUT 505 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,200 And I condition every day! 506 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,440 Let's go before my anaemic hand bangs on her face! 507 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,160 I have tried to be there for you and support you, 508 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,640 but all the time, it's just like you hate us! 509 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,160 Isn't it true that we all think mean things about each other, 510 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,120 but most of us don't write it down and then get it exposed? 511 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,760 What are you saying? 512 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,440 If we're not her friends, then she's got no-one. 513 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,680 And if we don't go back, Charlie wins. 514 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,160 Let's go back. 515 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,880 Is there anything bad in there about Mac? 516 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,080 Yes. 517 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,880 So, jokes that Daniel is doing toilet duty. 518 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,880 I guess Bitchcock doesn't know he's the main drug dealer in the school. 519 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,080 - Did you get the equipment, Holls? - Yep! 520 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,800 Hurry up, Holli. 521 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:03,840 SAWING 522 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,320 I really don't get what you see in Big Jim. 523 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,880 Hello, Tyler. 524 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:32,680 Hey, Charlie. Hey, Madison. Hey, Miffy. Hey...you. 525 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,520 We're a dance act. 526 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,360 Cool. And have you got a name? 527 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:37,760 We're called The Pretties. 528 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,880 And, Tyler, just to say, on behalf of all of us, about how epic it is 529 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,840 the amount of funds you managed to raise for that school in Camibia. 530 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,480 Madison, I was supposed to say that. 531 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,000 Awesome. Go for it. 532 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,120 DANCE MUSIC 533 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,640 ♪ Come on... 534 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,160 ♪ If you don't take control 535 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,160 ♪ You'll never know 536 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,680 ♪ Get down 537 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,880 ♪ Get physical 538 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,480 ♪ If you don't take control 539 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,400 ♪ Put on a show 540 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,680 ♪ Get down 541 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,120 ♪ Get physical. ♪ 542 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:24,520 THEY LAUGH 543 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:25,960 GIRLS ON FLOOR MOAN 544 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,200 You all right, Charlie? 545 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,960 Aaaah! 546 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:35,120 GIRLS ON FLOOR MOAN 547 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,880 ♪ People keep saying I'm doing it wrong 548 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,640 ♪ But I say it feels all right 549 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:47,840 ♪ I really do try, really do try Really do try 550 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,200 ♪ There's a million things that I could change 551 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,120 ♪ But maybe it's all right 552 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:59,360 ♪ Cos this is my life, this is my life, this is my life. ♪ 553 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:03,680 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd