1
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:08,210
Maw maw! Hurry up!
It's time for the yard movie.
2
00:00:08,851 --> 00:00:11,566
Who's the pygmy?
What's it doing in my seat?
3
00:00:11,601 --> 00:00:13,935
Maw maw, this is your
great-granddaughter, Hope.
4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,537
Who the heck are you?
5
00:00:15,571 --> 00:00:17,739
Yeah, I think
maw maw's confused again.
6
00:00:17,774 --> 00:00:19,741
Maw maw, what's the
last thing you remember?
7
00:00:19,776 --> 00:00:22,911
That dopey looking kid went out
to get bubblegum ice cream.
8
00:00:22,945 --> 00:00:25,914
Wow. She's forgotten, like,
the last three years.
9
00:00:25,948 --> 00:00:28,917
Get out the instruments,
she needs a memory reset.
10
00:00:28,951 --> 00:00:30,519
One, two, three...
11
00:00:32,255 --> 00:00:34,523
♪ Jimmy brought home
a serial killer ♪
12
00:00:34,557 --> 00:00:37,125
♪ and he nailed her
before he knew ♪
13
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,361
♪ they locked her up without
a key, but in her guilty belly ♪
14
00:00:39,395 --> 00:00:41,296
♪ a darling baby grew
15
00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:45,838
♪ Jimmy was a struggling
single father ♪
16
00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:47,869
♪ till he found a girl
to help him cope ♪
17
00:00:47,904 --> 00:00:51,055
♪ that's your
great-grandson Jimmy ♪
18
00:00:51,056 --> 00:00:52,874
♪ and his wife
Sabrina ♪
19
00:00:52,909 --> 00:00:55,210
♪ and...
20
00:00:55,244 --> 00:00:56,545
♪ Their daughter...
21
00:00:56,579 --> 00:00:58,780
Monkey?
22
00:00:58,815 --> 00:01:01,283
Maybe some specifics
would jog her memory.
23
00:01:01,317 --> 00:01:02,617
Maw maw, remember how...
24
00:01:02,652 --> 00:01:04,753
♪ Hope got stuck
in Virginia's shed ♪
25
00:01:04,787 --> 00:01:07,422
♪ you jenga-ed her out
or she'd be dead ♪
26
00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:09,758
♪ we went to Vegas
with Virginia's cousin ♪
27
00:01:09,792 --> 00:01:12,127
♪ Burt was Jewish
♪ and then he wasn't
28
00:01:12,161 --> 00:01:14,329
♪ pitched our inventions
to Andrew Dice Clay ♪
29
00:01:14,363 --> 00:01:16,698
♪ Jimmy married Frank,
although he's not gay ♪
30
00:01:16,732 --> 00:01:19,701
♪ we met Jimmy's almost family,
a bunch of racists ♪
31
00:01:19,735 --> 00:01:21,603
♪ we caught a squirrel
who was a rapist ♪
32
00:01:21,637 --> 00:01:24,072
♪ We busted you
out of a nursing home ♪
33
00:01:24,106 --> 00:01:26,608
♪ they fought a bear,
we danced with some ♪
34
00:01:26,642 --> 00:01:27,809
♪ bought a used
time machine ♪
35
00:01:27,844 --> 00:01:29,978
♪ fought a giant candy war
♪ trained a pig
36
00:01:30,012 --> 00:01:31,313
♪ sold pigurines
37
00:01:31,347 --> 00:01:36,918
♪ and so, so, so much more...
38
00:01:36,953 --> 00:01:39,020
Maw maw, do you
remember it now?
39
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:40,922
Are you still confused?
40
00:01:40,957 --> 00:01:42,791
Nope. That's...
41
00:01:42,825 --> 00:01:45,293
♪ Barney, Frank,
the odd one's Shelley ♪
42
00:01:45,328 --> 00:01:46,628
♪ dancin' Dan
43
00:01:46,662 --> 00:01:48,263
♪ I know I'm maw maw
44
00:01:48,297 --> 00:01:49,698
♪ my granddaughter,
Virginia ♪
45
00:01:49,732 --> 00:01:52,067
♪ her husband Burt,
my great-grandson Jimmy ♪
46
00:01:52,101 --> 00:01:53,535
♪ his wife Sabrina
47
00:01:53,569 --> 00:01:57,205
♪ and... their daughter...
48
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:02,978
I wanna say...
49
00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:04,446
Edgar.
50
00:02:06,148 --> 00:02:07,482
Hope!
51
00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:10,753
I hope your name is Edgar, too...
That would be hilarious.
52
00:02:12,488 --> 00:02:14,489
♪ Whoo!
53
00:02:14,524 --> 00:02:17,125
♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh
54
00:02:17,159 --> 00:02:19,127
♪ oh, oh, oh!
55
00:02:19,152 --> 00:02:21,866
Season 4, Episode 1
"Déjà Vu Man"
56
00:02:22,258 --> 00:02:25,258
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:36,612 --> 00:02:39,748
Burt! You got to come with me.
I saw him again.
58
00:02:39,782 --> 00:02:41,416
That guy who looks like
white Morgan Freeman?
59
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:44,219
- No. Déjà vu man!
- Damn, I always miss him.
60
00:02:44,253 --> 00:02:46,321
- What are they talking about?
- Déjà vu man.
61
00:02:46,355 --> 00:02:50,191
- He's mom's imaginary friend.
- He's not imaginary. He's real.
62
00:02:50,226 --> 00:02:52,894
He shows up every few years.
63
00:02:52,929 --> 00:02:54,996
The first time,
I was waiting for paw paw
64
00:02:55,031 --> 00:02:58,314
to pick me up from school.
I just thought he was a pervert,
65
00:02:58,315 --> 00:03:00,168
but then when I saw
he didn't have a mustache,
66
00:03:00,202 --> 00:03:04,273
I assumed I was being discovered
by an undercover modeling talent scout.
67
00:03:07,376 --> 00:03:11,437
He always shows up when
I'm at my least photogenic.
68
00:03:17,486 --> 00:03:20,255
The last time before today
was about a year ago.
69
00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:28,229
Wha...?
70
00:03:29,465 --> 00:03:30,732
We got to get
there quick.
71
00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:33,812
I followed him to the barbershop,
and he doesn't have a lot of hair.
72
00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:38,273
Someone gonna spin, or what?
73
00:03:39,039 --> 00:03:42,577
- There he is.
- Let me see.
74
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,046
You see him?
75
00:03:45,081 --> 00:03:47,482
No. The hair-monizers
are in the way.
76
00:03:47,516 --> 00:03:49,751
They look like
they sound great.
77
00:03:49,785 --> 00:03:52,220
Hey! Cookie man
is in there, too!
78
00:03:52,254 --> 00:03:55,357
- Which one?
- The guy by the window getting a shave.
79
00:03:55,391 --> 00:03:59,361
But... the guy by the window getting
a shave, that's Déjà vu man!
80
00:03:59,395 --> 00:04:02,931
Then Déjà vu man is also cookie man!
81
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:07,050
- Okay, fine, I'll bite. Who's cookie man?
- Dad's imaginary friend.
82
00:04:07,051 --> 00:04:10,305
Cookie man started coming around
years ago when Jimmy was little.
83
00:04:10,339 --> 00:04:12,841
He would show up at the park
and share his cookies with us.
84
00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:14,537
He was always
asking about Jimmy.
85
00:04:14,538 --> 00:04:16,177
He's a very smart baby.
86
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,413
I think he gets from me.
87
00:04:18,447 --> 00:04:21,416
- Are you drinking breast milk?
- Yeah. You want some?
88
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:23,151
Uh, no, I'm gonna pass.
89
00:04:25,187 --> 00:04:29,057
Well, that's an interesting mask.
Uh, what's he supposed to be?
90
00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:32,060
We asked him what he wanted
to dress up as for Halloween...
91
00:04:32,094 --> 00:04:33,428
He said, "Jimmy."
92
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,797
It's the only word he knows.
93
00:04:35,831 --> 00:04:37,899
- Isn't that right, boy?
- Jimmy.
94
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:40,435
- Want some more cookies?
- Jimmy.
95
00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:42,504
- How old are you?
- Jimmy.
96
00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:44,773
- What's your name?
- Cookie!
97
00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:48,777
Hey! He learned a new word!
Told you he was smart.
98
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:56,017
He even showed up last month,
when I was in the park with Hope.
99
00:04:56,052 --> 00:05:00,121
You know, there's a lot of strangers who
hand out treats to kids in this town,
100
00:05:00,156 --> 00:05:02,424
but your cookies
are by far the best.
101
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,759
Burt, please,
I'm not a stranger.
102
00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:07,362
I'm Cookie man.
103
00:05:07,396 --> 00:05:08,930
I'm really sorry, Burt.
104
00:05:08,964 --> 00:05:10,865
I always thought you
made up Cookie man
105
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,834
just to cover for
spoiling Jimmy's dinner.
106
00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:15,804
I'm sorry, too. I sometimes
wondered if Déjà vu man
107
00:05:15,838 --> 00:05:18,473
was just another one of your
crazy conspiracy theories,
108
00:05:18,507 --> 00:05:21,676
like UFOs or Bigfoot or that Delaware
doesn't actually exist.
109
00:05:21,711 --> 00:05:23,945
Name one person that's
ever been to Delaware.
110
00:05:23,979 --> 00:05:26,414
Did you say that
Déjà vu-slash-Cookie man
111
00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:28,183
was the one in front
getting a shave?
112
00:05:28,217 --> 00:05:31,019
- Yeah. Why?
- 'Cause that's also Super-curious guy!
113
00:05:31,053 --> 00:05:32,687
Who's Super-curious guy?
114
00:05:32,722 --> 00:05:37,225
- That would be Jimmy's imaginary friend.
- He is not imaginary.
115
00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:40,495
He's this guy who shows up every
now and then on the loading dock
116
00:05:40,529 --> 00:05:42,130
and asks me tons
of questions.
117
00:05:42,164 --> 00:05:44,833
I remember
once that he said...
118
00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:46,130
Jimmy! There's no time!
119
00:05:46,131 --> 00:05:48,490
I'm sure you got two or three funny
memories you could describe,
120
00:05:48,491 --> 00:05:50,071
but we need to figure
out what to do next.
121
00:05:50,106 --> 00:05:53,308
Ooh! White Morgan Freeman!
122
00:05:59,671 --> 00:06:01,372
Oh, my God.
123
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:04,809
Déjà vu man, Cookie man,
and Super-curious guy is also
124
00:06:04,843 --> 00:06:08,179
roofie surgeon, who I saw steal
my mother's kidney in 1996.
125
00:06:08,213 --> 00:06:11,082
- Really?
- No, I just felt left out.
126
00:06:11,116 --> 00:06:12,817
Okay, Burt, how should we play this?
127
00:06:12,851 --> 00:06:16,033
You guys, why don't you just go over
there and ask him what's going on?
128
00:06:16,522 --> 00:06:19,466
You make suggestions like that,
you wonder why you get left out?
129
00:06:19,491 --> 00:06:20,558
Thanks, Sabrina.
130
00:06:20,592 --> 00:06:22,593
For all we know, he
works for the government
131
00:06:22,628 --> 00:06:25,930
and can lock us all up in Geronimo Bay
for the rest of our lives.
132
00:06:25,964 --> 00:06:29,367
Oh, he's leaving, we've got to follow
him, find out who he works for.
133
00:06:29,401 --> 00:06:30,935
- Good idea.
- Good idea.
134
00:06:30,969 --> 00:06:34,216
Jimmy, do you remember how we talked
about not letting your parents
135
00:06:34,217 --> 00:06:35,990
drag us into something
crazy every week?
136
00:06:36,008 --> 00:06:37,575
Guys, I got to go
pick up Hope.
137
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,945
I am trying to be
a responsible parent.
138
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,483
Oh, crap,
he's getting on his bike.
139
00:06:44,484 --> 00:06:47,720
Should we get the truck,
or follow him on foot?
140
00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:50,888
Neither.
141
00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:57,795
I got him.
142
00:07:04,836 --> 00:07:08,139
I don't know who this guy is,
but he must be loaded.
143
00:07:08,173 --> 00:07:10,141
He's staying
at the three seasons motel.
144
00:07:12,377 --> 00:07:14,612
What is he doing in there?
145
00:07:14,646 --> 00:07:17,648
He's either doing solo charades
146
00:07:17,683 --> 00:07:19,083
or Tai Chi.
147
00:07:19,117 --> 00:07:21,719
Or both,
if the clue is "Tai Chi."
148
00:07:21,753 --> 00:07:23,788
I got to be honest, he sounds
like an interesting guy.
149
00:07:23,822 --> 00:07:24,989
I'll bet he works
for the government.
150
00:07:25,023 --> 00:07:28,359
I just don't understand why they care
so much about what we're doing.
151
00:07:28,393 --> 00:07:30,595
Well, when I'm bored,
I like to look up
152
00:07:30,629 --> 00:07:32,296
how to build bombs
on the Internet.
153
00:07:32,331 --> 00:07:34,532
And I was a bit of a firebug
in the '90s.
154
00:07:34,566 --> 00:07:36,734
Maybe he's following us
for a good reason.
155
00:07:36,768 --> 00:07:39,236
Maybe he's one of those guys
from The Matrix.
156
00:07:39,271 --> 00:07:41,372
Then he could explain
the Matrix to me.
157
00:07:41,406 --> 00:07:43,797
- Shh!
- Oh, he's leaving.
158
00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:45,173
All right, here's
our chance...
159
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:47,187
We're gonna break into his room
and find out who he is.
160
00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:48,179
Sounds like a plan.
161
00:07:48,213 --> 00:07:49,513
All I'm gonna need
is a lighter,
162
00:07:49,548 --> 00:07:51,048
a bottle
of toilet bowl cleaner,
163
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:52,538
and an old-fashioned
alarm clock.
164
00:07:52,551 --> 00:07:54,752
We'll blow a hole
right through his door.
165
00:07:54,786 --> 00:07:58,155
Or we could just jimmy it open
with the "do not disturb" sign.
166
00:07:58,190 --> 00:07:59,390
Yep.
167
00:08:03,795 --> 00:08:06,497
Whoa! Fancy.
168
00:08:06,531 --> 00:08:09,266
This is the type of room
a rock star would O.D. in.
169
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,435
- Hey, check this out.
- What? What is it?
170
00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:15,342
The greatest bed ever made.
You got to try this.
171
00:08:15,343 --> 00:08:17,375
Burt, we can't.
We got to...
172
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:18,943
Oh, my God.
173
00:08:22,914 --> 00:08:25,049
It's both firm and soft.
174
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:27,218
It's like lying on Santa Claus.
175
00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:31,956
What the hell?
176
00:08:33,191 --> 00:08:35,526
It's, like,
my whole life.
177
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,761
This is creepy.
178
00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,329
Let's get out
of here quick,
179
00:08:38,363 --> 00:08:41,499
before he comes back and makes
masks out of our faces.
180
00:08:42,134 --> 00:08:44,368
Now I got a picture of him.
181
00:08:45,604 --> 00:08:47,910
Wow. We both looked
really good in that shot.
182
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:51,475
You're right. If he doesn't turn
to be a weirdo pervert killer,
183
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:54,178
we should have him take
our Christmas card.
184
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:59,371
Making a flyer to find out who
this guy is was a great idea.
185
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,753
Flyers? Did that dopey son
of yours wander off again?
186
00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:05,122
- No.
- Well, who's lost, then?
187
00:09:05,157 --> 00:09:08,125
- Your crazy old grandmother?
- That's you, maw maw.
188
00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:12,196
Arnold! Get this picture
out of my house.
189
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,960
- You know who this is?
- Yeah.
190
00:09:13,961 --> 00:09:16,133
That's the bastard
who knocked my daughter up.
191
00:09:16,168 --> 00:09:21,105
So the guy who knocked up
your daughter... would be...
192
00:09:21,139 --> 00:09:23,908
- My father?!
- No. Wait.
193
00:09:26,812 --> 00:09:29,480
Your father!
194
00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:31,642
IF YOU KNOW THIS MAN,
PLEASE CALL 555-0137
195
00:09:34,502 --> 00:09:37,876
I knew this no-good, disgusting
excuse for a man was trouble
196
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,739
the minute I laid eyes on him.
197
00:09:39,773 --> 00:09:42,742
- But he's my father.
- Paw paw was your father.
198
00:09:42,776 --> 00:09:44,711
Arnold's just an immoral,
horrible person.
199
00:09:44,745 --> 00:09:47,029
You don't want to associate
with people like that.
200
00:09:47,035 --> 00:09:49,336
So you just made up a story
about Virginia's father dying
201
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:52,006
- ...in a horse racing accident?
- Why would you do that?
202
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,275
Because you wanted
a pony and a father,
203
00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:57,111
and it solved
two problems at once.
204
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:01,181
Well... guess we'd
better go meet your dad.
205
00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:04,251
No way. If he wanted
to be a part of my life,
206
00:10:04,252 --> 00:10:06,153
he had plenty of chances
to talk to me.
207
00:10:06,187 --> 00:10:08,689
But I think you're gonna
need some of that...
208
00:10:08,723 --> 00:10:11,759
Emotional stuff Dr. Phil's
always talking about.
209
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:15,562
The... "You can't fix a flat tire
with a red-handled hairbrush."
210
00:10:15,597 --> 00:10:18,565
- Nah, that's not it.
- Ma! Dad!
211
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,703
Check out the moves I just taught Hope
for the father-daughter dance!
212
00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:26,040
- Ya-ta... holla...
- Oh, come on, Jimmy.
213
00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:28,776
How is she supposed to ever
learn to dance on her own?
214
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:31,225
What the hell kind of father
smothers his daughter like that?
215
00:10:31,226 --> 00:10:33,174
Virginia, you're
obviously upset.
216
00:10:33,181 --> 00:10:36,450
"I don't always drink
beer, but when I do..."
217
00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:38,634
Nah, that's not Dr. Phil.
218
00:10:38,658 --> 00:10:42,179
And for God's sake, you're letting
all the bugs in. Close the door.
219
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:45,726
Closure... that's it! You got to go
meet your dad for closure.
220
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,185
Fine, I'll go.
221
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:50,353
But it's not because
I trust Dr. Phil.
222
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:54,124
It's 'cause that closure thing always
seems to work on Grey's Anatomy.
223
00:10:57,472 --> 00:10:59,406
Oh, my hand's shaking.
224
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,909
I haven't been this nervous
since Jimmy was born.
225
00:11:01,943 --> 00:11:04,078
At least I had cigarettes
to get me through that.
226
00:11:04,112 --> 00:11:07,214
Don't be nervous. Just picture
your dad in his underwear.
227
00:11:07,248 --> 00:11:08,615
Burt, I've never met the man.
228
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:10,651
I don't know what sort of
underwear he wears.
229
00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:14,455
Oh, uh... No, sorry, no, uh...
230
00:11:14,489 --> 00:11:17,051
No housekeeping or
lawn care today.
231
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,241
Assuming that's
what you do.
232
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:21,478
Cut the crap.
I know who you are
233
00:11:21,479 --> 00:11:24,148
and I know what you've been
doing all these years,
234
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,860
and it needs to stop.
235
00:11:25,861 --> 00:11:27,564
- Stay away from my family...
- Okay.
236
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:29,603
...And delete all those
creepy pictures of us.
237
00:11:29,637 --> 00:11:33,040
And then I want you to go away
and never come near us again.
238
00:11:33,074 --> 00:11:35,376
- Right.
- Right after you tell me
239
00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:39,313
what possible reason a person could
have to abandon his precious baby girl.
240
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:42,583
I'm gay.
241
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:47,939
- I'm confused.
- So was I, back then.
242
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:49,757
You see, it all
started backstage
243
00:11:49,791 --> 00:11:51,487
after a dinner theater
performance of Pippin.
244
00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:55,329
I played Pippin, local critic
said I was "mesmerizing."
245
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:59,933
After the cast party, your mom,
me, and a bottle of apple wine...
246
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:02,970
we, uh, made our way
into the, uh, prop closet.
247
00:12:03,004 --> 00:12:04,338
Virginia,
that's probably where you get
248
00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:05,827
your love
of fruit-based alcohol.
249
00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:09,443
Pretending to enjoy
sex with a woman
250
00:12:09,444 --> 00:12:12,758
was perhaps my second great
performance that evening.
251
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:15,336
Your mom got pregnant,
and I got...
252
00:12:15,371 --> 00:12:18,339
I got the guts to admit
that I am gay.
253
00:12:18,374 --> 00:12:19,941
I wanted to stay,
254
00:12:19,975 --> 00:12:23,144
but no, the-the people
of Natesville in 1973,
255
00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:26,080
they did not want to be
associated with, uh,
256
00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:27,415
"my kind."
257
00:12:27,449 --> 00:12:29,817
That's what maw maw
was talking about.
258
00:12:29,852 --> 00:12:31,286
She hates you.
259
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,821
Yeah, paw paw wasn't
so thrilled either.
260
00:12:33,856 --> 00:12:36,691
You ever tried dodging buckshot
in cashmere bell-bottoms?
261
00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:37,992
I can only imagine.
262
00:12:38,027 --> 00:12:40,061
I did it in jean shorts
and that wasn't easy.
263
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:44,332
- I am so sorry.
- It wasn't your fault.
264
00:12:44,366 --> 00:12:45,767
Was my fault.
265
00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,970
I didn't want you to grow up with
the stigma of having a gay father.
266
00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:53,272
- I can only hope you'll forgive me.
- Daddy!
267
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,312
Once my mom understood why her dad
had left, it was hard to stay mad at him.
268
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:59,614
And they both wanted
to make up for lost time
269
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:02,751
doing all those father-daughter
things they missed out on.
270
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,223
Vos mamelons sont
comme des roues de brie.
271
00:13:08,257 --> 00:13:09,691
He said...
272
00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:14,562
What'd he say?
273
00:13:35,217 --> 00:13:36,684
I was really looking forward
to taco night.
274
00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:39,520
Oh, come on, Burt.
Your palate is so pedestrian.
275
00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:43,458
Why don't you try something new?
Sushi is the taco of the Far East.
276
00:13:43,492 --> 00:13:45,360
Now, look.
277
00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:47,895
You've got your protein,
278
00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:51,833
you've got your rice,
and instead of a corn tortilla,
279
00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:55,169
it's all wrapped
in a delicious piece of mori.
280
00:13:55,204 --> 00:13:58,862
If you ignore-i what it's
made of, it tastes pretty good.
281
00:14:01,744 --> 00:14:03,344
How is that
sea urchin, Burt?
282
00:14:05,089 --> 00:14:07,693
It's like the ocean sneezed
in my mouth.
283
00:14:08,704 --> 00:14:10,785
You know, all those years
I've been following you guys
284
00:14:10,819 --> 00:14:14,989
around with a camera, and I feel like
I've just walked right into the picture.
285
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,492
You know, we should
have a family photo.
286
00:14:17,526 --> 00:14:19,894
- I love family photos.
- With a theme.
287
00:14:19,928 --> 00:14:22,330
I love family photos
with themes!
288
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:28,403
This is amazing.
I love costumes.
289
00:14:28,437 --> 00:14:31,372
Oh, boy, do I have a parade
to take you to next summer.
290
00:14:31,407 --> 00:14:34,048
This is gonna be
the best family photo ever.
291
00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:36,083
Virginia, I gotta talk to you.
292
00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:40,633
- Isn't this the cat's pajamas?
- Yes.
293
00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:42,717
But only because I think
cat's pajamas are stupid.
294
00:14:42,718 --> 00:14:45,586
I look like an idiot in this thing
your dad picked out.
295
00:14:45,621 --> 00:14:48,823
- Oh, come on, Burt. This is fun.
- No, it's not fun.
296
00:14:48,857 --> 00:14:51,241
Nothing's been fun
since Arnold showed up.
297
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,162
Are you jealous because
I'm spending time with my dad?
298
00:14:54,196 --> 00:14:55,897
No. But I just know that
299
00:14:55,931 --> 00:14:58,933
he doesn't like the way I act
or what I say or what I like to eat.
300
00:14:58,967 --> 00:15:02,036
- He doesn't like anything about me.
- So what do you want me to do?
301
00:15:02,071 --> 00:15:04,739
He's my father. Am I supposed
to not see him anymore?
302
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,341
I didn't say that.
303
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:09,110
I just would like him to go away
and never come back.
304
00:15:09,144 --> 00:15:11,679
He makes me
uncomfortable, Virginia.
305
00:15:11,714 --> 00:15:13,490
He's just too
different than us.
306
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:17,318
Wish I could say I was surprised
to hear that kind of intolerance
307
00:15:17,353 --> 00:15:18,553
from someone in this town.
308
00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:22,023
He's right behind me,
isn't he?
309
00:15:22,057 --> 00:15:24,239
Burt, that only works
if he hasn't said anything.
310
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,355
Sorry to be so different
from you, Burt.
311
00:15:30,356 --> 00:15:33,512
Obviously, your husband doesn't
approve of my lifestyle.
312
00:15:33,547 --> 00:15:35,781
No, no. Honestly,
I didn't mean that.
313
00:15:35,816 --> 00:15:39,452
It's just that everything you like to do
makes me uncomfortable or sick.
314
00:15:40,921 --> 00:15:42,922
Trying to be a part of your life
was clearly a mistake.
315
00:15:42,956 --> 00:15:45,885
I'm not one for melodrama, so...
316
00:15:45,963 --> 00:15:48,461
Good-bye forever.
317
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:52,932
Burt... I just got my dad back,
and now you drove him away.
318
00:15:53,463 --> 00:15:55,847
I can fix this. Like when I broke
your favorite mug.
319
00:15:55,848 --> 00:15:57,770
The mug that makes me dizzy
every time I drink from it?
320
00:15:57,804 --> 00:15:59,071
Good point.
321
00:15:59,106 --> 00:16:02,551
I promise I will not use the same
toxic glue to fix your dad.
322
00:16:04,945 --> 00:16:08,180
Dad felt so bad about
what happened with grandpa Arnold
323
00:16:08,215 --> 00:16:10,116
that he not only posed
for the family picture,
324
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,651
he decided to throw a party
325
00:16:11,685 --> 00:16:13,653
so the rest of Natesville
could welcome Arnold home.
326
00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:15,087
♪ For he's a jolly gay fellow
327
00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:18,758
♪ for he's a jolly
gay fellow... ♪
328
00:16:18,792 --> 00:16:20,526
I forgive you, Natesville.
329
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,624
♪ Which nobody can deny.
330
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:27,262
And then I left a...
A tenured position
331
00:16:27,263 --> 00:16:29,835
to become a freelance
ethnomusicologist.
332
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:32,738
I once saw a man
in a small African village
333
00:16:32,773 --> 00:16:35,086
who could perform
an entire symphony
334
00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:37,656
using nothing but a rock
and a human tooth.
335
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:41,493
- Ah... Oh! Was it amazing?
- Oh, no, it was... It was excruciating.
336
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,591
But you had to admire
the effort, right?
337
00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:47,690
He's been all over the world.
Even Canada.
338
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,234
Do your Canadian accent, dad.
339
00:16:49,268 --> 00:16:50,702
Virginia's my daughter, eh?
340
00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:56,508
- It's like we're at a hockey game.
- This my birthday or my wake?
341
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:57,976
Go get her back inside.
342
00:16:58,010 --> 00:17:00,178
I don't want her to see my father
and start gay-bashing.
343
00:17:00,212 --> 00:17:01,446
Okay.
344
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,182
It's your wake and you're early.
Let's get you back inside.
345
00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:08,119
What the hell is that depraved
son of a bitch doing here?
346
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:11,289
He's my father,
and I invited him here.
347
00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:12,624
This is still my house,
348
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:14,726
and I don't want
that kind of disgusting,
349
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,194
immoral, deviant...
350
00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:21,166
Maw maw, you can't say
stuff like that anymore.
351
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,635
Okay? It's 2013.
352
00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:26,371
Damn it, this life
is taking forever.
353
00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:30,367
Look... We all accept my dad
for who he is.
354
00:17:30,368 --> 00:17:33,948
Nobody in Natesville cares
anymore that he's gay.
355
00:17:34,201 --> 00:17:35,968
He's gay?
356
00:17:36,002 --> 00:17:37,436
Well, I don't have a problem
with gays.
357
00:17:37,471 --> 00:17:40,406
I mean, Jimmy's gay, and I love him
and his little husband.
358
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,708
Oh, that's the nicest thing
she's ever said to me.
359
00:17:42,743 --> 00:17:43,709
But that guy?
360
00:17:43,744 --> 00:17:45,578
He's a first-class narcissist.
361
00:17:45,612 --> 00:17:47,480
Oh, "narcissist."
362
00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:49,315
I think we know
what that's code for.
363
00:17:49,349 --> 00:17:50,867
You fall asleep in the
middle of sentences?
364
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,997
He's a selfish jerk. He doesn't care
about anybody but himself.
365
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:55,844
That's why he left you
and your mother.
366
00:17:55,879 --> 00:17:57,312
He didn't leave.
367
00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:59,833
He was run out of town.
Right?
368
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,135
Well, "run out of town,"
369
00:18:01,136 --> 00:18:04,938
"made to feel unwelcome,
unappreciated..." Same diff.
370
00:18:05,022 --> 00:18:08,023
- I don't think it really is the same.
- That's easy for you to say.
371
00:18:08,057 --> 00:18:12,694
You try being gay and raising a child
in this town in the '70s.
372
00:18:12,729 --> 00:18:14,162
You know, now
that you mention it...
373
00:18:14,197 --> 00:18:16,965
My lesbian mothers raised me
in this town in the '70s.
374
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,067
Sure, one of them had
to dress up like a man
375
00:18:19,102 --> 00:18:20,602
to take me on
the father-son canoe trip,
376
00:18:20,637 --> 00:18:22,337
but they toughed it out.
377
00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:25,827
It didn't hurt that she already had
a mustache and a closet full of flannels.
378
00:18:25,842 --> 00:18:28,677
Lesbians. Everybody
loves lesbians.
379
00:18:28,711 --> 00:18:30,546
You could've at least
written her a letter.
380
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:34,516
Or not even a phone call?
They had phones in the '70s.
381
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:35,551
Right?
382
00:18:35,552 --> 00:18:36,752
- Yep.
- Right.
383
00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:39,637
Uhm, the phone company
and-and gay people...
384
00:18:39,638 --> 00:18:43,158
You're clearly using your
homosexuality as an excuse
385
00:18:43,192 --> 00:18:45,160
to cover up for your refusal
386
00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:47,162
to accept your parental
responsibilities.
387
00:18:47,196 --> 00:18:51,333
By the way, we haven't met.
I'm Frank. It's a pleasure.
388
00:18:51,367 --> 00:18:54,703
Once again, the haters of Natesville
rear their ugly heads.
389
00:18:54,737 --> 00:18:56,071
You know, you people
are very interesting,
390
00:18:56,105 --> 00:18:57,940
because you don't seem to be
able to change, do you?
391
00:18:57,974 --> 00:19:00,008
Maybe you're the one
who hasn't changed.
392
00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,756
'Cause now that
I'm thinking about it,
393
00:19:02,757 --> 00:19:06,048
everything that we've done this week
has been something you wanted to do.
394
00:19:06,082 --> 00:19:08,185
We had that sushi dinner
'cause you wanted it.
395
00:19:08,186 --> 00:19:09,785
You suggested
taco Tuesday.
396
00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:11,286
Do you honestly
expect me
397
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:14,056
to eat the street food
of a migrant people?
398
00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:16,358
We went to that French movie
'cause you picked it.
399
00:19:16,392 --> 00:19:18,226
Already saw the
Swedish version.
400
00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:20,862
And you insisted
401
00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:22,864
on the theme for
our family picture.
402
00:19:22,899 --> 00:19:25,567
Because I wanted to
share it with my friends.
403
00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:27,069
Don't you understand?
404
00:19:27,103 --> 00:19:28,236
Do you honestly expect me
405
00:19:28,271 --> 00:19:30,739
to show a photo of-of you guys
406
00:19:30,773 --> 00:19:32,774
dressed the way
you normally do?
407
00:19:32,809 --> 00:19:35,487
Forgive me for trying
to raise you to a higher level.
408
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:40,616
I think you should leave...
409
00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,184
Again.
410
00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:44,930
But this time, it's my choice.
411
00:19:47,757 --> 00:19:49,558
Good-bye forever.
412
00:19:52,178 --> 00:19:55,447
I'm gonna take this
because I look fantastic.
413
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:03,705
♪ Sometimes your dad's
not here ♪
414
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,507
♪ sometimes your dad's
a big selfish... ♪
415
00:20:05,541 --> 00:20:06,975
Quit it, Shelley.
416
00:20:09,479 --> 00:20:12,814
Dad invited everyone over
that night to meet mom's father.
417
00:20:12,849 --> 00:20:15,948
But in the end, it turned out
they already knew her father,
418
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:19,242
because paw paw
was mom's real dad.
419
00:20:28,031 --> 00:20:29,631
I'm sorry
your gay father
420
00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:33,035
turned out to be
a narcissist.
421
00:20:33,069 --> 00:20:34,636
You okay?
422
00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:36,071
Yeah.
423
00:20:36,105 --> 00:20:39,790
The truth is, I had
a pretty good father figure.
424
00:20:40,243 --> 00:20:43,311
And I guess it's good Arnold left
when I was a baby.
425
00:20:43,346 --> 00:20:46,848
Think of all the macaroni art
I would have wasted on that guy.
426
00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:48,984
- Finger-paintings.
- Ashtrays...
427
00:20:49,018 --> 00:20:50,152
Ugly ties.
428
00:20:50,186 --> 00:20:51,620
He probably would've
given me zero stars
429
00:20:51,654 --> 00:20:53,655
on the Father's Day
breakfast I made him.
430
00:20:54,691 --> 00:20:56,491
And besides...
431
00:20:56,526 --> 00:20:58,493
If I didn't have
some daddy issues,
432
00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:01,563
I might not have got
knocked up at 15.
433
00:21:01,597 --> 00:21:03,498
Then where would I be?
434
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,000
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