Ned, how many times have you staged your own sighting?
Can you believe it, it's me!
Hey, watch where you're going, you dumb bastard.
I'll cut ya.
Wait a tic, you didn't have your own brand of sandals, did ya?
Yeah, shockless monster footwear. Look, I'm gonna go over my lines.
I owned a pair of those. They were terrible.
I like jellies, remember them?
Them some satisfying sandals, I tell you what.
It's real tough...
[Turns off TV]
So, uh...
- Nice work, nice work. I like it. -Thanks.
"Life After Myth." It's um...
It's kinda like "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
But substitute Larry David for the Loch Ness Monster, and then his...
Jeff Garland would be Sasquatch, you know? Right?
Jeff Garland was Sasquatch in that?
No, no no. It's not Jeff Gar- I'm just saying... um...
Uh, it's a "Jeff Garland" type...
- Oh, oh, oh. - No, I don't have him.
- That's not Jeff Garland. - No.
[Coughs]
What's, uh, the demo?
I think it's more like, uh, 18 to... 18 to 35, maybe?
You asking me or telling me?
I would say 18 to 35.
To get the jokes, they need know, uh...
mythological, uh, you know, stories.
They need to know stuff about, like, Chupacabra, who...
Who... Is one of the bad guys in it. He's the antagonist. He's on a telenovela.
What? He's on a telenovela right now?
In the hypoth..., in the fictional world, of the show...
Oh, in your show, he's on a Spanish...
- In a telonovela. - Right.
- Show within a show. - Because he's Spanish.
He is Spanish. It's a, uh, a Mexican...
Well, technically Puerto Rican is what I heard.
[Gulps]
Let me ask you this,
what's the show about?
I mean, I think...
I kinda already said it. It's sorta obvious...
It's about myths, you know, and them feeling like has-beens and burnouts and them trying to
exist in a world where...
Um...
Their star had faded or something?
"Life After Myth."
OK.
What else ya got?
What else, what else do I got?
Another show?
Another concept? Another pitch? What?
Is this it?
No, this is the only show I brought into pitch cuz...
This is the one I've been working on.
- It's, it's, it's been like three years of my life. - Oh boy.
And you know, but I, I could...
But I could bring something else in but it would...
No.
OK.
Alright.
[Mutters inaudibly]
[Music]
- All I'm saying is if he was into it at all...
- He probably would've given me a deal, right then and there, right?
- Come on, it was your first meeting.
- And probably my last too.
- I think I just... I'm not cut out for it.
Oliver, you can't do this.
Yeah, obviously. I've just been told that I suck, so that's clear.
- Can't do it. - I'm not talking about your talent.
I'm saying you can't just have one rejection and then think it's over
and go cry in a corner or something. - Cry in a corner? What are...
Dude, I'm saying you need to have a little more gumption, a little more faith in yourself.
It takes a long time to get your foot in the door and you can't just give up.
Got a promotion. That's pretty cool.
At your job job?
Yeah, jobby job.
You know, salary. Which is is good, cuz I've been hourly guy since I was like a fetus.
Little bit more [Whistles].
It's full time, Jules, so that usually means many hours, all the days.
When do you think we're gonna do "Hobo?"
We'll still do it. I promise. We'll carve out time. I just...
I just gotta tighten the screws, I gotta do the adult thing.
Buckle down.
This starving artist stuff is for bums.
Huh. Yeah.
Uh, happy for you.
Thanks.
And speaking of bums, if you would please direct your attention to the left.
Don't look too long.
She looking at me?
So what's the, uh, inspiration behind the white?
I'm selling it by sections. Um...
Thousand...
per...
five...
You know, break it up, chop it up, snort it up.
- That's me tonight. - Yeah.
I mean, but who's gonna buy walls, white walls? I don't really...
I don't do it for the money.
Guys, look...
Hey. Guys, look...
Hey Jules.
Hey Sushi.
Do you want to get some wine?
- Want some wine? - No that's...
Be back soon.
How was the meeting? How was the meeting?
The biggie meeting at Nickelodeon?
Uh, it was, it was a bomb.
Da bomb?
No, no...
I bombed it.
Like, pretty badly.
- It's a tough industry. - It's a tough industry!
It's tough, it's rough.
- Just stick around, you know, long enough. They'll give you a...
paintbrush...
an easel...
and a little...
animation machine or whatever.
[Music]
I would like to tell you what I,
a person who has only known you a matter of minutes, already likes about you.
I like your glasses, but...
I'm really interested in your eyeballs.
And oh my gosh, your face!
It's equal parts mysterious and creepy.
Is that a compliment?
Yeah.
So where I can see your work?
Uh...
This is some stuff I'm working on.
Oh!
That's so good!
It's sort of semi-autobiographical.
- You're a dinosaur? - No, I'm not a dinosaur.
[Sounds from the phone]
It's a sea monster.
OK, well tell me this...
What is...
your biggest dream?
For yourself. Like ultimate fantasy.
I know everybody says this and it's totally cliche, but...
I would kill to work for Pixar.
Yeah.
I would, like, you know, be a coffee slave.
Do custodial work, whatever. I'd just love to get into that building.
For two seconds, you know.
So why aren't you there?
Haha. It's not that easy.
No, you have to go to the right school, you have to
know the right people. You have to work in-house.
So get "in-house."
Can't. Frankly, there's a lot of steps...
I think my time, just... passed. You know?
Or something.
I have a friend that works at Pixar.
You have a friend what?
Yeah, we should go.
You could totally get it in the right hands. You could go! We should go!
You could do your presentation for them!
- This is crazy. - No it's not, it's perfect.
What?
- We'll be to San Francisco by tomorrow. - [Laughs louder]
You can see my friend and start your new life.
- You being serious right now? - Yes!
- That's insane. - Got all kinds of stuff in my trunk...
Wait, wait. I don't like that word. I really don't like that...
What? "Panties?"
Yeah yeah yeah.
Well we can get in my car...
and go to your house and get your moist boy panties...
- [Laughs] - That's not a thing. And disgusting.
[Laughs harder]
I would love to do that, but I...
I got to do the responsible thing. I got a new job.
And it's a good thing.
What's your name?
Oliver.
Oliver, if you want to change your life, all you got to do is do it.
OK.
OK, um... Look.
Here's my name...
Lily Blush.
And here's my phone number and my address.
Your address? Um...
- How do you not know I'm some... - In case you change your mind.
Pervy stalker?
I have a feeling about you, Oliver.
And besides...
even if you were...
I like pervy stalkers.
[Giggles]
- You and Lil Lil seemed to really hit it off.
Yeah, she's pretty interesting.
- I like her hair. - Dude, she's trouble.
- How is she? - She's trouble dude!
She's just got some energy, she's just spicy.
When Sushi and I were dating.
Lily comes into town,
like throwing cakes and stealing money...
Whoa. Watch it.
She's like this, she needs like a doppler.
I don't like where this is going.
I say "I like girl" and your first response is
"I don't care, stay sad forever."
That's not that awesome. No, that's not what friends do.
I'm not saying be sad forever. I'm saying find your happiness elsewhere.
By the way, you're not the best judge of character yourself, young lady.
Look at Sushi. She's kinda wackadoodle...
And her name is "Sushi."
Which is not a real name.
- It's her pen name. - She doesn't write anything.
She has a journal.
Look, I'll be good.
I'm a big boy. I know my ladies.
I know how to work it, no diggity.
Hey, I support you in your endeavors, I'm just saying...
I don't to come and do the tag thing at the coroner's office and be like...
[Mumbles incoherently]
- I don't want to do that. - Whatever.
So be careful with her.
I know crazy chicks when I see crazy chicks.
Hat's off to Lily.
- Owwwww! - [Laughs]
[Music]
[Phone rings]
I have some really bad news, and I really don't want to tell you this now.
No, I'm glad... No I'm glad you called.
[Hangs up]
[Music]
[Footsteps on stairs]
[Knocks on door]
[Muffled music from inside]
[Music from inside]
[Door opens]
Hi.
Wow. Mr. Extreme Makeover.
Where are the...?
Contacts.
Do you still have, um, your thingies in your trunk?
Say it.
Panties.
What?
Panties. Paaaanties.
Yeah, come in.
Oliver...
Meet Goldie. Goldie, this is Oliver.
You're going to be spending a lot time together.
Am I going to die?
No.
You're going to live. - [Laughs]
- So, I'm really doing this, huh? - I know.
And you have your new, gross, button-up...
...dead-end jobby job on Monday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not anymore.
- [Moans uncomfortably] - Bit of a wild man over here.
Yeah, why? You thought I was...
A little stick-up-the-butt-like.
It was time to take a chance and do something insane.
Yeah? Why the change of heart?
I guess you could say life's handed me a couple of crap popsicles lately.
Crap popsicles?
And I wanted to...
I wanted to see what this new girl was all about...
[Music]
I don't want to be passenger-driver here...
but you know that PCH is like the three-hours-longer route?
I'm sorry, do you have somewhere to be? I think I'm kidnapping you.
So you can shut it...
Whoa. [Chuckles]
It's also the more awesome route.
[Music]
I'm thinking I want some caffeine before we go.
- Would you like some as well? - Um, no, I...
You want to go rob this store right now?
We just go in, we run in and we grab some stuff and we go. We might be really good at it!
Like we could start a club.
What would our club be?
Well, The Caper Kind. Duh.
We would go and we would burgle, like, every convenience store on every corner.
It would be awesome. We'd become really famous and
And the police would always be two steps behind us and every time they'd get there we'd be gone!
And they'd always go, "What sort of robbery are we looking at, boys?"
And the other guy, the little fat squirrelly guy, would be like,
"Gee Chief, I don't know. Sure looks, sure looks like The Caper Kind."
And, um, you know, we'd be legends.
Also, we'd have lots of snacks.
Please don't take this the wrong way. You're the weirdest person I've ever met.
- And I love it. - Yeah?
Yeah.
- Hi. Hi Dave, this is Oliver Hayes. I just wanted to call really quickly... - [Door closes]
- Sorry to bug you on the weekend, and, um...
A) thanks for the opportunity and promotion - that's really cool of you.
Uh, I'm really excited, but I...
B) I don't know if I'll be able to make it in on Monday.
I know haven't come into work yet and shouldn't be taking a vacation yet, but that...
I met a girl. I didn't... I...
Is this the longest message you've ever gotten or what? I will talk to you later, dude.
Stay cool, bye bye.
That was a disaster.
So that went, like, F-minus.
Sorry to hear that.
Are you OK?
Yeah, there was just this...
freaking creepy ass dude making some creepy ass comments about me and
following me around the store, so I decided...
Probably not a big deal, I mean, I don't mean to be insensitive, but he probably just...
He was probably trying to flirt with you, because...
It really bothers me when...
guys, cuz they always do...
think that just because they think a girl is hot, that it's OK to make her feel uncomfortable.
Or to say stupid shit to her. It's like...
Go away dude. It's so, so ridiculous, it doesn't even make any sense.
You don't... I'm not just this. I'm this and I'm this. And you don't know this, so...
Leave me alone. I hate it!
Look, I get it. I...
I mean I'm not a woman, so obviously I don't get hit on very often, but...
I know what it's like to be hunted. I had this bully in 6th grade who would make the A-OK symbol.
He was this big, huge guy named Ben Garvin, and if you got caught looking in the center of this thing...
He would call you a bitch, but he'd say it in this weird voice, like "beetch."
- What? - And it meant then that he could hit you if you got caught looking
in the center of it. And so he hit me all the time.
I'm sorry.
It's not cool, when you feel... bullied.
Bullies suck.
- You know what doesn't suck? - What?
Hot jams.
[Music]
[Birds chirping]
Where are we?
One of my most favorite places in the whole world.
Not yet. We've got to wait for the butterflies to wake up.
- The what? - Uh huh.
Nap time.
Hi.
[Music]
So, uh, I probably shouldn't say this, but Jules thinks you're trouble.
- Oh. Hmmmm... - Uh huh.
I mean, you know...
We never really hit it off.
Right.
You and her are like BFF, right?
- [Camera shutter] - Yeah, I've know her a long time
and I've kind of always got along better with girls than guys.
Yeah me too, just, um, vice versa.
In fact one time...
- When I got my first toy, it was a girl's toy. - What?
Yeah. I kicked ass on this spelling bee and my dad let me pick out any toy,
and I loved Masters of the Universe, so I picked out Teela.
Not Skeletor or He-Man. Teela.
Who's Teela?
She's like the mega-babe of the show.
I guess I did that because I was... so into the ladies?
Oh is that why? [Camera shutter]
Is that a good pick-up line?
That I'm so into the ladies?
- I haven't heard that one before. - I wasn't picking you up.
You weren't? Am I not pick-up-able?
[Music]
- This is nice. - Yeah.
- Oh you know who I think actually lives here? - Who?
That Ben Garvin guy.
- Lives here in the forest? - No no, silly, here in Santa Barbara.
- No! - Yeah, couple weeks ago he contacted me
on the computer.
It freaked me out. I was like... he found me.
And uh...
Yeah, man. Ghosts and demons from the past.
- Ugh. - Hmmm.
- Cool story. - Whoa!
Hey, so I don't really like the smell of gas on my hands.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
- Would you mind? - That's fine you, little baby.
Thank you.
[Door closes]
[Music]
- Thank you. - You bet.
- You're the best. - I am the best.
- I'm a professional gasser. - [Laughs]
- That doesn't sound right. - [Laughs harder]
- No, not really - [Engine starts]
Oh by the way, I would've defended your honor,
if that guy came out, you know, and tried to give you some guff.
I woulda given him one of these.
My hypothetical hero.
No I'm serious. I'm small, but I'm scrappy.
And I can do some damage.
- I'll keep that in mind. - Don't want to mess.
- Thank you. - [Phone beeps]
- What? - What?!
- That is insane. - What?
- I just got a message from that Ben guy. - The bully guy?
- I'm not even kidding. - No way!
- What did he say? - He didn't say anything. It's just an address.
That's so cryptic!
- He's like stalking me! - What, where? Address where?
Oh my gosh, I don't... it's here in Santa Barbara.
Told you. He must live here. Oh boy.
- It's a sign. - Wait. What up? What?
No no no no no. No.
- Lillers. Lillers? - What?
Look at me. Seriously?
- You don't know this guy. - Go talk to him!
He is for real crazy. He used to actually
punch people in the face with a fist.
That was a long time ago, he's probably totally different now.
No thanks.
Oliver, it might be kinda awkward but anybody can change.
And you've got to show him that he can't hold that over you anymore.
Confront your bullies, and your fears. And don't be a chicken!
- What's up, Ben Garvin? - We're really gonna do this?
- You bet we are. - This is a super bad idea.
[Music]
OK, OK. This is it.
- Yes. - [Exhales]
This is all you. You can do it. Just be quick, strong and...
- stone cold! - I don't want to do it. Nope.
- No, no, no, no. - Oliver.
Honestly, honestly no. No.
It's just humans talking to humans.
You can do it, but oh wait... Do you have a gun, just to be safe?
What? No!
Go! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Oh hey wait...
You doing this? So sexy. Really sexy.
OK, I'll do it.
[Knocks on door]
- Hey. - Hi.
I, uh...
I got your message, so I was kinda, I was curious...
You know, what do want, er, whatever you wanted, I don't...
Yeah I got your message, too.
You got my message?
[Coughs]
Yeah, I was like, I haven't seen that guy in forever. I wonder what he's up to.
- Deena! - Yeah?
Come here.
- Hey. - Hi.
This is Oliver Hayes. We were friends in high school.
- Hey. - Yeah, "friends."
So what are you up to?
Oh you know I'm, uh, still trying to break into the animation industry.
Hey, um...
I'm sorry I used to kick your ass in high school all the time.
Nah, I don't even, I don't even remember it.
Yeah, you remember.
Yeah I do.
It's OK, though. Don't worry about it.
Yeah this guy, when we were in, when we were in high school...
he used to draw pictures of all the kids in class.
He did these cartoons of everybody, it was really cool.
- Like they were really good. - Thanks.
Yeah, and one time our art teacher asked him to draw cartoons of everybody in the entire class,
as like a portrait of a group shot.
Of everybody in their costumes.
He drew everybody...
Everybody in the class except me, he left me out of that picture.
Um, but uh...
Look I, ah, it's just cuz I thought that if I...
If I like did a weird face or a weird body, that you would kick my ass and I, you know...
Guess I didn't want my ass to be kicked.
You thought if you drew me wrong, I would kick your ass?
Yeah.
Yeah, well um, I wouldn't have.
You just never drew me.
Sorry.
I don't care.
Yeah so... I do car radio systems on the side, so...
if you ever need a system for your car, I could hook you up.
- Huh! - Yeah.
They're loud.
Yeah.
Um, uh...
I gotta card if you wanna...
[Laughs]
[Punches]
You're still a "beetch." [ laughs]
- I did this. - Oh...
I used to do this in high school.
It was pretty funny.
No seriously, I actually have a card.
If you ever need anything, just...
...let me know. I should probably get going, I, um...
I have to head off to a meeting in San Francisco.
Is that your girl?
Yeah.
Don't look at her.
Look at me, don't look at her.
Can you go inside?
Yeah, whatever.
It was, ah, nice to meet you.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh...
Good to see you.
You're a good dude.
That was bizarre.
- He hugged you. - I know, it was kinda great.
He didn't want to murder you.
Did you set that all up?
Meow.
Your turn to drive, sucka.
You've got a full frickin pitch here, mang.
Yeah, mang.
There's like three years of my life wrapped up in that folder.
Yeah, well it's really frickin original and kinda genius.
- Genius? - Yeah.
I mean that, you should be really proud. I'm proud to know you.
Let's go sell us a frickin cartoon! We're gonna sell it! Sell it! A frickin cartoon!
Ow! We're gonna have to work on that.
OK, you've been DJ the whole time...
I think it's my turn.
What is it?
- My life. - Whoa! Intensity.
It is my life. Not joking, mang!
- Just listen. Ready? Are you ready? - Ready.
[Music]
What?
I don't want to take my eyes off of you.
[Music]
My parents would bring me and my sisters to this spot every summer.
Oh really?
Do you have any siblings?
No. I'm the one and only.
My parents had trouble getting pregnant.
So they said I was the miracle baby.
Actually my mom was the only one that would say that. My dad...
and I didn't really talk... that much.
And I don't really think we will again, either.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we lived in there.
Instead of out here.
Seems like things would be a little bit better.
But we don't. We don't live in the ocean.
[Laughs]
- What - What is that?
What?
Sounds like a...
Like a bad fortune cookie or a magic eight ball.
"We don't live in the ocean." That's cute.
- Ohhh, look at that. - Oh my...
- Beetch! - Ow!
[Music]
[Door closes]
[Kiss]
Pee pee!
- It's too early. - It's too early to pee pee?
And be up.
You're too early.
Oh man, I want to eat a mofo house.
- Me too. Word up.
Word up.
You know you laugh in your sleep?
People have told me I have. That's kinda weird.
That's better than me, my dreams are always horrific and frightening...
- What was that? - Huh?
Were you smelling my pillow?
- I was not smelling your pillow! - Where you smelling my pillow?
- No. Uh huh. - That's, um...
Equal parts mass murderer and...
maybe the most probably garbage I've ever seen in my life.
That's me. Cute plus creepy equals this guy.
Foxy.
Well I don't know about you, but I am feeling some sort of frickin veggie omelet.
- Heavy on the avocado. - Oh yeah... avocado.
- Did that just happen? - Really?
- You kidding me?
- Shut up. Shut up! - What?
No way! Avocado's my number one.
You can't steal it. You can't!
Why don't you do me a favor and stop being perfection.
Hmmm, I'll try.
I only, uh, smelled that because...
- you smell remarkable. - I smell?
Let me finish...
[Music]
- Dude, what number is this?
- Oh, I had to borrow Lily's phone. - "Lily," Lily?
It's like, 8am. I feel like your mom. You spent the night together or something.
As your friend, I have to let you know...
- I don't like her energy. - You know what, you know what, buddy?
I'm just gonna let you know...
that she's the best. And I'll get all mushy on you right now.
And whatever you're planning on saying right now is gonna be misinformed and misguided.
And I'm not gonna hear none of it.
Um, that's awesome.
Uh, I guess I should tell you this now...
I met this guy at a party last night who works for "Adult Swim" and he said they
just picked up this show that sounded almost identical to "Myth."
It's about the Loch Ness Monster and his best friend and it's a 22 episode pick-up, and...
So if you're gonna go in an pitch, and pitch, the story...
I think you should be aware that, uh, they may have already heard it.
I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just letting you know, um...
so you're not caught off guard.
But that being said, that being said, when you come back from your adventure, I think
we should seriously consider spending some more time on "Hobo."
If you have time.
Rad.
Sweet.
Oliver and your friend are off gallivanting.
Are you mad?
Ugh. I'm just... I don't, I don't dig her.
I don't get what you see in her. - I don't see much in her.
- You, like, brought her to the thing. - She kept calling me.
So you invited her?
- I felt weird. - Yeah, it's fine, I just...
I just get... I'm just worried for him. I don't like to see him...
- heartbroken. It breaks my heart. - Me neither.
He's fragile, ya know? He's not equipped for...
normal life things.
Hi!
I got us some orange juice and croissants.
Why do you have all that stuff.
Um, because I said I was hungry and I thought you were too. It's nice.
You left it out like you didn't care if I saw.
- Oliver. - Look, I... We've...
We just met each other, so I don't want to come on strong, but that freaks me out.
It's not that big of a deal.
Whoa. It is a big deal. And it's weird that you don't know that.
I don't want to talk about it.
Let's not talk about it. Don't ruin it.
Yeah?
Whoa, racing.
Well, yeah.
Oh, Oliver.
We hardly know each other, you know?
We're gonna find out all kinds of stuff. Good stuff and bad stuff.
I know.
I just...
Look, I'm way out of my comfort zone here. I don't do these things.
And maybe I'm sheltered and maybe, I've just never known anybody...
that I care about... that does that and...
Look, I don't want you to change, you don't have to
be all boring and normal and stuff.
I'm just as normal as everyone. Everyone is the same amount of normal.
We're all just people.
What?
- Good job, with that bad fortune cookie speak. - I mean it!
I really do.
Do what?
Love you. I know that sounds crazy.
But I know what I know.
How long have we know each other?
36 hours.
- World record. - Yeah.
For me it was actually one second.
You know, that whole "first sight" thing.
Awwww. What a poet.
Shut up.
Mine was second sight.
The first time I thought: too small and maybe gay.
- You're a jerk. - But then I blinked.
And it happened then.
Trust what you feel.
OK.
Keep dreaming.
[Music]
Cats are definitely gonna be on our side.
- OK. For sure. - Yeah.
Like at the end of the world, when all the animals come out and they have to pick a side.
What about, like, OK, so you got like...
majestic animals like elephants and giraffes. Good side?
- Yeah, for sure. - Yeah. Absolutely.
And the you got stuff like, like... bears.
Bears could go either way, because I totally see them coming out of the the forest and being like...
- Grrrrr. Sorry about all those times we ate you, we actually want to help you. - [Laughs]
- And obviously everything serpentine is on the bad side. - Serpentine!
The snakes and the lizards and the iguanas.
I've never heard anyone have disdain for an iguana.
OK, then like, dinosaurs?
- There are no dinosaurs! - Anymore. But a ghost dinosaur is gonna need...
to pick a side, no?
You crazy.
Meow.
Most embarrassing moment.
- Most? - Yeah, worst. Biggest.
- Most embarrassing. - OK, got it. 5th grade.
All my stories are from when I was a kid. I must be a boring adult.
- Yep. You are. - Anyway, 5th grade...
I'm going out with a girl, Katie Stevens, she's in 6th grade, she's older.
She's slutty.
- Sweet. - It's great.
End of the day...
her friends come out of class, my friends come out of class. I know what's gonna happen...
It's gonna be the traditional, "going-out" hug.
I can see it. She peels out from her crowd...
Makes a bee-line. Hugs me. Very unprepared.
Very nervous. So when she hugs me,
I let out a little [Fart noise].
- Yeah. Toot. Toot toot. - No.
- Yeah. - Oh my God.
And so my mind is racing - how to cover this?
And all I can think to do is break the embrace and go...
- [Beat-box sounds] - [Laughs]
You started beat-boxing?
- Yeah. - Wow. Smooth move.
- I guess it wasn't such an embarrassing moment. - You got away with it.
- Just illustrates how cool I am. - Oh, is that what it is?
- Mine was similar. - Yeah.
A little older, like 8th grade.
Had a major crush, major crush, on this guy Drew, who was in 9th grade...
who was also very short.
- Gross. Yuck. - Very short.
- All the other boys were way taller than him for his age. - [Engine noises]
Whoa, whoa. What is happening?
- Goldie... - What?
Don't let us down right now.
- I told you this was a piece of crap. - It's fine, we just...
Sorry.
We won't make it up this hill.
We'll be fine.
[Sirens]
What is that? Oh no.
Oh fuck.
- We are going to jail for the rest of our lives. - Supposed to turn this off, right?
- We are going to jail for the rest of our lives. - Calm down.
- Chill out. - Oliver, there is heroin in this car.
Oh, right.
Maybe don't say that? Be cool, act cool, act suuuuper cool. Super cool.
- Hi. - License and registration please.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Know why I stopped you?
I imagine because you thought this sucker was gonna explode?
Alright, I'll be with you in a few minutes.
He didn't think that was very funny.
- Shit. - What? No, he doesn't know.
They can smell fear.
- We're going to prison forever. - No, we're not going to prison forever.
There are highly illegal drugs, in this car, right now, and in my body.
Shhh. He can't. Just be quiet.
- Do you know your registration is expired?
Oh, officer, I'm so sorry. I've been meaning to fix that. I'm so sorry.
OK, make sure you take care of that.
I really appreciate that.
- Alright. Drive carefully. - Thanks so much, thank you.
Thanks, a... hole.
He's not an a... hole.
What?
You're so bi-polar.
- We're so lucky. We got a warning. - Yeah, I know.
It's a good thing you were driving and not me.
What do you mean?
My license is currently suspended.
Oh... sweet.
Whoops.
Haha. Hilarious.
My life is freakin terrible.
[Music]
Gross.
I'm gonna get a new charger for my phone, so I'm gonna take off for a little bit.
Can I come with you?
Um, I kinda need to think some things over.
Um, so I should probably be alone for a little bit.
- Jules. I think I made a big mistake.
- I went way too far down the rabbit hole.
- I strung out on... stupid love drugs.
Yeah, you were thinking with your hoo-ha.
I'm being serious.
Your male hoo-ha. Whatever.
You just need to be really careful with her.
Because she can get in trouble in two seconds flat.
I know. I know.
You were right. You were right.
Huh. Can you repeat that last part? It sounded nice to me.
- I was... totally, totally right. - You were totally right!
Well, where are you? Are you guys... Did you guys make it up to, uh...
Uh, where are you going? Frisco?
All I can hope for is that this Pixar thing is gonna pan out.
- It's not like I got a job to go back to, right? - Yeah.
- I dunno, I guess just be careful.
- Alright, you animal, thank you. - [Laughs]
- Call me if you need me. - Thank you.
Bye.
[Hangs up]
[Music]
[Door opens]
Hi.
Hiiiii.
Can I ask you a weird question?
Yeah.
Where do you shoot this stuff?
- Cuz you don't have any... - Track marks.
Yeah.
Between my toes.
I mean, of course you would do that.
- Look at this gap. - What?
That's freaky. [Laughs]
No it isn't.
Yes! It's a giant, cavernous gap.
Awwww...
I tried to look pretty for you.
You do.
Are you mad?
No.
You OK?
Mm-hmmm.
So I probably should tell you...
Um...
The real reason that I...
decided to come with you,
and drag you along, really...
is not because...
you're the prettiest thing I've ever seen.
Which you are.
But also cuz, um...
My mom got a phone call.
Um, right before.
And... my dad, who we haven't seen for years...
Um...
I guess a couple months ago...
He killed himself.
And so we just, we just, found out.
Some creditor had an old phone number and he called my mom, and then my mom called me.
That's how we found out.
The worst possible way to get that news.
I bet everyone at Pixar can just...
feel it.
Feel what?
This impending excitement.
Who's the boss?
- What? - Who's the boss?
Tony Danza?
- No, at Pixar. - Oh! [Laughs]
Um...
- His name is John Lasseter. - Yeah
That guy.
I bet he's sitting in his office right now...
and he's saying to himself...
"Something is coming."
[Laughs]
- "What can this be?" - [Laughs harder]
"Something great is coming to Pixaaaaar."
I said, um, John Lasseter, not John Wayne, buddy.
- That's a good impression. - [Laughs]
And he's right.
You'll be the animation superhero.
Then you will...
make everything better.
Just like the people of Bethlehem and the baby Jesus.
[Sobs]
Goodnight Jesus.
Goodnight.
[Music]
I think I already love you.
Is that OK?
Yeah.
I lost my virginity to a guy almost twice my age.
OK.
I just thought I should say something about me, because I mean...
you said a lot about you. Hug farts and bullies and your dad and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to hear.
It wasn't like he raped me or anything.
I mean, I was into it.
I was 17 and he was... 35.
He was kinda the first person who made me feel like I was somebody.
Made me feel like an individual.
I guess since then, I just get, um...
really excited about, um, the intensity of meeting a new person.
I get really bored...
Bored quickly.
Are you bored right now?
I think we need another adventure before we hit our final destination.
OK. What do you mean?
I dunno, we're going to frickin San Francisco! Let's go check it out!
[Music]
So you know how you asked about my dad?
Um...
He... was my idol.
He was short, he had dark hair and blue eyes. We looked a lot alike. Uh...
He drew. So that's why I do what I do.
Before he left my mom and I, I would hear them fight all the time...
That he was mad and depressed, you know, that he...
He couldn't... chase what he wanted to chase, because of us.
When he left...
It was bad, bad news from there on out.
It just kinda ate him alive, you know?
Broke his...
Broke his brain and his...
And his... and his heart.
And so that's why, uh...
That's why I'm doing this now.
With you.
It's weird to think that...
you may not see somebody you love ever again, ever again.
But I kinda feel like...
me doing this now...
if I can make it happen...
it will be like...
I'm doing it for the both of us.
Which is kinda cool, right?
[Exhales]
Thanks.
You're my favourite.
And that's of course spelled the British way, with a "u."
Because I'm fancy.
You are fancy.
Thank you.
So he knows we're coming.
- Yeah. - OK.
- Is this too much? - Yeah. I like your button.
- I mean it's not too much. - OK.
Don't worry. [Knocks]
[Door opens]
- Holy shit. Come here. - Hi.
- Colin. - Hey. Oliver.
- How you doing man? - Nice to meet you.
Come on in. Come on in. How are you?
Hey man, look who's here!
That's, uh, Richard. Richard, this is Oliver.
- Lily's... - Friend. My good friend, Oliver.
- Friend. Cool.
Hey.
So what's going on? You guys hanging out for a little bit?
We're gonna head over to SpaceJunk, it's a comic book shop.
They're doing a costume contest, a whole panel is there tonight.
- It should be fun. - Cool.
So Oliver, what do you do man?
Oliver's an animator. He's really talented.
No shit!
I'm an animator. I do all kinds of film-making stuff. But that's awesome.
Yeah yeah, uh, Lily said you work at Pixar or...?
No! No no no. I temped there for, like, a day.
Got fired.
Big kerfuffle.
The temp agency didn't fire me, just Pixar didn't ask me back, you know.
Yeah, he sorta accidentally deleted two months of background files for "Bug's Life 2."
He makes it sound like it was intentional. It was an accident!
I was doing data backup and screwed some shit up. But...
It's whatever.
[Laughs]
Huh.
Colin, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah. - In the other room?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
So, you and Lily, huh?
- It's good to see you. - Yeah.
- Where you been? Where you living at? - LA.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
So what's going on?
I've missed you.
I missed you too.
Colin, uh...
I love you.
[Music]
[Exhales]
Bye...
The sky was dark...
...and there were three different clouds hovering over... - [Snaps]
- What? - Dude!
I knew it! That girl is out of control.
- I'm really worried about him. - What?
She's.. she's just lying.
Hang on.
- What did they say? - Dude, uh, wait...
You can't say that and not tell me.
I am gonna strangle that girl.
[Phone rings]
Hmmm...
[Answers phone]
- Hello? - Hello. Hi!
Have you been kidnapped? Are you OK?
I'm on a really hard level right now I can't really beat...
- If that's what you mean? - Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm looking for Oliver. Um...
Oliver just sent me a text from this number.
This is Richard.
Oliver is with Colin and Lily.
They're, uh, going to SpaceJunk.
Wanna go?
[Gasps]
- What just happened? - [Hangs up]
I don't know. This guy answered and said they were going to SpaceJunk or something.
Oh.
Do you, do you know where it is?
It's in the Mission.
Pendlethorpe couldn't believe all that he saw...
What are you doing?
I love you but I can't be with you.
Can't? You can't, or you don't want to?
[Whispers inaudibly]
Lily?
Yes?
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah.
That guy's more than a friend, isn't he?
Because that's what you told me.
Is he more than a friend? Did you lie to me?
It's not a lie if the intention is pure.
- What is that garbage? What does that mean? - Shhhhh...
Is this happening right now?
- Stop it. - Who's that guy, Lily?
We...
We dated. We are dating. I dunno. I came to break up with him.
You brought me to your boyfriend's house.
- He's not my boyfriend. - That's awesome, that's great.
He's just like some stupid temp who wasn't even a Pixar animator?
Cool. Thank you. Thank you.
- Why are you being like this? - I saw you kiss him.
You were spying?
I looked, I looked, and...
I... I didn't want to see it.
[Sighs]
- This sucks. - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. - You say that too much, OK?
Can I talk?
It was just a goodbye kiss. He and I are not anything anymore, OK?
No!
No, it's not OK.
You're not gonna just make excuses for yourself anymore, OK?
You roped me around your finger...
and dragged my ass up here.
I lost my job.
OK?
I gave everything up...
to follow you and your stupid lies.
And it was just... it's been a complete waste of time.
It's been a complete waste of time and you broke my heart,
you screwed up my brains,
and you did it at a time where I was really vulnerable
and that sucks.
You know what kinda people do that?
Crazy-ass junkies, that's who.
I'm sorry.
I told you, you say that too much.
[Door closes]
[Door opens]
What are you doing? You're gonna leave?
You're gonna take the car?
You're gonna leave me here?
Yep.
I don't care about you anymore.
[Punches wall]
[Exhales]
How was that?
Not the best.
Come here.
It's OK, man. I'm sorry, dude.
Come on in, let me grab you a beer, let's talk it out, huh?
It's real tough realizing you're a has-been...
- This is great. That's really good, man. - [Applause]
- I'm impressed, man. That was really good.
- Thanks. - It could be on TV now. It really could.
I brought my whole pitch packet and show bible. Everything. I was gonna...
- To show me? - Yeah, I was gonna...
Sell my ass off.
I though you were, like, some 40 year old guy that I was gonna be meeting.
That was a dick move on her part, I'm sorry...
I feel bad, man. But that's what she does.
You know? She's a magician. She makes you think... Ah, I dunno...
- Alakazam. - Mm-hmmm...
I mean, truth is, I had some time to get over her.
OK, let's not understate things here, alright? I mean, you...
You lost your mind. She's, she's nuts.
- She got all violent and burned a bunch of his clothes. - Mm-hmmm...
She called a couple weeks ago, she said was gonna come by, but didn't say when.
Yeah, he was just starting to get over it, you know.
He was moping around and crying for three weeks.
Then she calls up and he's like a little puppy, he's back on the line.
I'm right here! You're really gonna make fun of me right now?
I'm not bagging on you, I just...
I hate her.
- I just feel really stupid, know what I mean? - Don't!
Don't think about it, OK?
It's not you, believe me.
She's like some sort of stinking pile of garbage that's been made into a sandwich.
- That leaks radiation. - A garbage sandwich?
She's disgusting.
Look look look...
There's two sides of Lily.
OK, there's one side: lovely Lily.
Sweet and fun and spontaneous...
And just, when you're with her, it's just...
The best.
Right.
OK, then there's the other side: red flag Lily.
Who's just... chaotic. Screws shit up for the sake of it. I dunno. For fun.
But... when it's good...
You know, it's just...
OK, she embodies the "MPDG."
In movies, they call it a "Manic Pixie Dream Girl."
- Right. - It's like a character archetype.
Like the eccentric, crazy, quirky girl, in like...
- Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine." - Right.
- Natalie Portman in "Garden State." - Right.
- Ramona Flowers... - In "Scott Pilgrim."
They steal the loser's heart, make him do things outside his comfort zone,
and he learns and grows because of it.
Right? She plays that shit to a T.
The only way she be as screwed up as she is, is to think she's this...
free spirit who's out there to inspire and...
- and help out schmoes like you guys. - Ahhhh...
I'm not saying... You know what I mean. I'm not...
It never works out though, man. Don't take it to heart.
- She just does it over and over again. I'm like... - Oh!
- Trail of dead. - Constantly.
Don't think about it though, man.
It'll mess you up.
It's not you. Just keep saying that. It's not you.
- Trust me. - Yeah.
There's whole support groups just for people who've dealt with her.
[Laughs]
I'm done talking about it.
We're gonna go to SpaceJunk.
It's gonna be fun. We're gonna dress up.
- You should come. - Let's do it.
- Alright, cool.
Aw, this is bad.
This is bad.
Who is that guy?
- Deke. - Deke?
- Mm-hmmm. - Yeah. Stupid name for a stupid guy.
He's also dating Lily.
What?
Yeah, he's the reason I met her.
They were dating while we were working on a project together.
He pitched the idea behind my back, she got pissed and dumped him.
- Well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. - God...
Look at her. She's in full-on evil mode already.
The makeup and heels.
We just go, OK? This is...
No no no no. No!
No. We're here. We got dressed.
We're gonna do this, OK?
We're gonna have fun.
- Oh, Colon. Richtard. - Heh.
Ah, you're looking good. Didn't want to dress up or anything?
[Whispers inaudibly]
- That's the guy? - Mm-hmmm.
Oh, Lily was telling me that you're an animator.
Yeah.
Have I seen any of your stuff?
Probably not.
Do you work for a house or something like that?
- It's a rough market out there. - Real rough, Deke. Real rough.
Not for me, I'm actually working at Lucasfilm.
Yeah it is a big whoop. Actually, it's a real big whoop.
Kinda less of a whoop considering how you got the job, right?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you doing here?
I can go where I want.
Besides, you didn't leave me with a whole lot of options
when you decided to scorch the earth between us.
You're the one who took the car and left me stranded.
Looks like you're doing fine.
I knew you'd get along well with the Wonder Twins.
Besides, I'm sure you've been spending all day
commiserating over what a horrible bitch I am.
No, I just found out you do this to everybody
and probably this guy, too.
What's your problem?
Go away. You don't know anything.
Come here.
Hey!
- No no no. - Whoa!
- Don't touch me. Did he touch me? - Don't touch Deke.
You guys have an outside to this place?
OK, let's go.
Every place has an outside, you idiot.
- No, Colin. - OK.
I'm not doing this!
I'm sorry.
I mean it. I'm sorry.
I tried to help you, Oliver.
So get out of my life, don't try to piece me together, don't try to figure me out.
What? You think you know me because
you bonded with some guy I dated for a second?
You're being so mean right now.
You stole my idea, you douche!
That's because you stole my girlfriend.
Yeah. She dumped you because you stole my idea.
Yeah and then she came back to me because she figured out what's what. So...
Guess she didn't get enough of that Deke.
Deke!
Deke? OK. Well you can have her man because she's nuts.
- Yeah, she's nuts. - Oh is she nuts?
OK.
Interesting.
- Jacket. - You wanna do this?
- Watch. Jacket. - That's fine, man.
You had this coming, bro.
You idiots, you really gonna...
- Come on! Come one! - Get in there.
Get him, D!
Get in there!
- Who whoa. What! - Get him, D!
Guys, she's not that hot!
You know nothing about me.
But I know a ton about you. Do know what I know?
You'll never be the person your father was.
What is that supposed...
It means that you talk and you whine
about your dad leaving too late.
Well at least he did.
At least he tried. I dragged you all the way up here because you
weren't ever gonna leave because you are a coward.
Didn't have the courage to make something happen with your life in LA and
Guys who get what they want, they get it because they go out and take it
and that is never gonna be you.
- Idiots! Stop!
[Punch]
Whoa!
Whoa whoa.
Yeah, that was douche-baggy.
- Owww. - Oh my god.
Hey.
Marty.
I want to say it was really great working with you again, man.
See you in the future.
- Nice, D. - Deke!
- Man, those guys are dicks. - Total dicks. They're the worst.
- Total douche-bags. - I got some good shots in, right?
- Totally. - We should probably get ice or something. Like a...
You want some ice? Like a steak? You want me to go get a steak?
- We look good though. - Yeah.
[Drops bag]
Hey, what happened?
- There's been some fighting... - What?
I think he popped my eye, man.
- Come here. - Can you see out of it?
[Music]
Hey.
What?
- I want to talk to you. - What?
No. Don't touch me!
- Don't you... - I'm trying to calm you down.
Nobody forced you to come with me!
You saw what you wanted me to be and
I made you feel good for a little while.
You're hurting me!
Stop it!
Stop.
Stop it. Shut up. Shut up!
Shut up.
- Do you know what that feels like? - No. I don't.
[Slap]
[Crying]
That's what it feels like.
Go be a nice guy somewhere else.
[Engine starts]
- Excuse me, folks. Can I get your attention please?
- We're gonna get started.
- Very excited to announce our presentation for the night.
- Will you please help me introduce...
Gavin Eckhouse and Drew Troiller
Pixar Animation Studios.
[Applause]
- What did you say you plan to be? - When I grow up?
Probably either a cartoonist or a comedian or an imitator.
Here, baby. Talk to mama.
- Yeah. Tell mommy. - Talk to mama.
You'd like to go swim in Hawaii!
I swim!
Swim in Hawaii.
Oh boy, will you swim like this?
- Dad, you're gonna...
gonna miss out.
You're gonna, um...
Not be around.
And you should have been around.
Because I have gotta do this.
- But I want you to know.
That I'm not...
I'm not...
Not mad.
[Crying]
I know it was hard.
It's been... It's been really hard for me, too.
- So tell me what movie you like to see in the morning?
- You wake Daddy up really early in morning.
What movies do you like to see?
- "Mary Poppins!" - "Mary Poppins" and what else?
- I want...
you to know that I'm trying to make you proud.
And I'm sorry...
I'm sorry...
That you're not gonna see
the cartoon that I'm gonna make.
And I'm sorry that
you're not gonna be around to see a lot of things.
[Applause]
- Hey. Man, you're not gonna believe this. - What?
The guys on the panel are from Pixar.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
You gotta go over there and pitch your idea.
Oh no no, I, uh...
I don't know about that.
It's what you came here for.
I don't know what I would say.
It's kinda crazy.
I dunno, man. This is it. It's like it's meant to be.
That's like the same magical thinking that got me into this whole mess,
I think it's a bad idea.
I dunno. There's not reason not to.
Come on. What do you have to lose?
I could look really stupid.
So?
Go look stupid.
- I'll watch. - [Slaps his back]
[Music]
Hi. I'm an animator.
And I just wanted to, um...
Wanted to show you something I've been working on for a long time.
And uh...
- We're not really here for that tonight. - No, no, I, uh...
No, I didn't want to show you anything, actually, I just wanted to, um...
I wanted to tell you about something I've been working on.
Ah, get your opinion.
Something I've been working on with a collaborator.
OK. Um, you've got 30 seconds.
OK! Um...
It's called "Hobo."
With an exclamation point.
And it's about, um...
It's... The main character's name is Hobo and
he's like an old-timey hobo, you know, rides the rails and...
Traveling and...
The catch is though, that he moonlights as a, uh...
a superhero.
Um, complete with his laser-shooting harmonica.
[Laughs nervously]
And um... And he has a sidekick.
A jar of pee named Ignatius Urine.
[Laughter]
That's just the idea that I have so far.
It's good, man. You should keep developing it.
Yeah absolutely, really solid stuff, man.
Cool. Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem. Who else has got a question?
[Breathes a sigh of relief]
[Music]
Thanks.
I know this is...
kinda inconvenient.
But you're a real champ. Thank you.
No prob.
You just owe me your firstborn child or a car wash.
I'll let you decide.
No, but seriously...
I'm really...
happy for you and, and shocked. All at the same time.
- Because. - Why?
You... Like I walk in there and you're just...
completely owning the room and, and, and...
so confident in what you were saying. And, um...
Just not scared...
of your creativity and it had been so long since I had seen you do that.
And I'm, I'm just happy for you. I hope this is the beginning of a
new leaf or something.
This is a weird question...
Is there, um, such a thing as a...
break-up kiss?
Um, hmmmm.
- You ever heard of that? - [Laughs]
- It occurs in many a film. - [Laughs]
I guess I could see the benefits of it.
Why? Did you have one?
No.
Did she have one?
I guess so.
And I got real jealous.
And it's good that I left LA.
I needed to. I needed to do this thing.
Even if it was a crazy idea.
Because I had to...
do the opposite of my dad.
I had to do what it took. You know? Because...
Your dad...
left his entire existence.
Including you and your family to go
pursue his dream.
But why couldn't he have pursued his dream
and held on to who he was?
I don't see why those things can't go together.
I don't think you have to leave everything you've ever known and everybody who's ever known you.
To go pursue your dream and be an artist.
For your dad to run away just because he wasn't finding instant
success and instant gratification from others
to me, feels much more cowardly, um...
than anything you were doing.
So maybe your dad is the example of what not to do.
Not to run away from all the things that scare you.
Just stand up to them and like...
say, "this is who I am," and like, and and...
I don't know, do what you did today.
Thanks.
We're almost home.
[Sobs]
I don't know if this if gonna be good, but um...
Whatever. I'm just gonna do it.
Yes siree! You're right, Ignatius.
I'll be damned if that wasn't the most hifalutin adventure
we ever did come across.
Barely made it!
See ya in the mornin.
Cool.
[Doorbell]
[Door opens]
Hi.
I know I can't really make it up to you, but
I want to at least return this.
And to tell you that
I'm incredibly sorry.
- You taped them all back up. - Yeah.
I appreciate that.
Want to, uh...
Go get some ice cream, or something?
Ice cream sounds great.
[Music]
I...
said a lot of things I didn't mean.
And I did things that I really didn't want to do.
Like,
hitting.
Yeah.
With the force of 10 men.
Still feel it.
Oliver, I have a lot of problems.
And I do try and do that "manic pixie" thing.
He told you about that, too?
Yep yep yep yep.
Made me feel kinda stupid but it's true enough, I guess.
I like "manic pixie."
I don't care...
that you went all "Wolverine" on my folder.
I'm not mad at you.
I never...
would've left here...
if it hadn't been for you.
And I'm doing things now and I'm the person that I am now,
because of you.
That's all you.
You did that me.
- You sky-dived into my life... - [Laughs]
And you changed it.
You have no idea how good that makes me feel.
It's true.
What about the other part?
What other part?
The "you and me" part.
I mean...
I think what happened was that...
You and I went into our own little dreamworld.
A fantasy land.
Because...
We wanted it.
We needed it.
But... it ended
because it wasn't real.
You know, usually...
with guys I...
have... in the past
spent a lot of time, um...
performing.
Maybe.
Being someone I'm not.
And I did that with you. I did. I absolutely did.
But I would catch myself, you know...
hanging out, you know, in the car or on the beach.
I felt safe.
And I haven't...
In a long time.
So to me, um...
I feel that there are enough of those to make trying something worthwhile.
But... I...
I can understand if you don't want to do that. If you don't want, um...
I totally want to do that.
We don't really know each other that well.
Even now.
So maybe we start from scratch, OK?
I'm Oliver Hayes.
How are you?
Lily.
[End theme]