You think superheroes
get jealous of other people's powers?
Aqualad quit the teen titans because
he felt inferior to even the kid with the bow and arrow,
'cause he could only stay on land for, like, an hour.
Oh, that's right, you know?
He'd be like, "Well, I can't come
"on this mission, guys.
"There's not a body of water around
for, you know, 100 Miles in any direction."
You can swim in the sewers,
but I don't think that that would be much fun.
So what, you gotta sacrifice, right?
Yeah, he's a hero, man.
That's what being a hero's about, sacrificin'.
You might not look super heroic
comin' up with toilet paper and tampons stuck to you,
you know, feces all over your body.
But hey, you're a hero.
At least that's what I try to tell people.
[Laughter]
[Growling]
sync by Loxforl www.addic7ed.com
Hello, and welcome to another episode of
Comic Book Men, the only show
that is totally pro-Batfleck.
[Laughter]
- I'm Kevin Smith. - Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan. - Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen. - All right, boys.
What's going on in the eternally-young world
of comic book retail?
All right.
- Thank you very much. - All right, have a great day.
- You too, thanks. - Hi, I'm Alexis.
I called about the Elfquest books?
That's right, the Elfquest books.
Do you know where we put those Elfquest books?
I think it should be right under there.
Ah. Here we go.
[Gasps]
- Huh? - Hi.
Don't get many requests for Elfquest these days.
- A big fan? - They're so pretty.
I'm a huge, huge fan.
Oh, my goodness. It's been a while.
Have you heard of this series?
I mean, I remember this vaguely.
I had a friend whose sister was really into this.
She would, like, dress up and wear the pointy ears.
I was actually her at the comic-con
a couple years ago.
- Oh, Leetah? - Yeah.
You dressed as Leetah the Elf?
I did. Not this exact costume, but...
[Laughs] Right? Right?
Leetah... do you know all the characters' names?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy right here, that's cutter.
That's Skywise. I know all these.
- Very good. - Oh, I'm telling you, ma'am.
I loved this series as a child.
It was really high adventure, really well done,
really sophisticated.
I just never had a taste for it, man.
Aw, you don't know what you're missin', man.
I'm gonna give you the best Elfquest issue ever,
- and you will be hooked. - You think?
You will be walkin' around in little pelt pants
and a little furry jacket.
You'll be badass. [Laughter]
I mean now, you're a little young,
so I'm surprised that you have such an affection for it.
I mean, when I was in high school...
I'm already a geek, and I'm a reader.
So my friend goes, "Hey, Alexis, you'll probably like this."
I'm like, "Ooh, what's this?
Oh."
It was just, like, instant.
And it's just me sitting in... at lunch
reading Elfquest all by myself,
and these were like my friends,
as lonely and desperate as that sounds.
It kept me company. [Chuckles]
I know the feeling.
I believe everyone at this table
can relate to the feeling
of being an outsider,
and losing yourself in a comic book,
and finding characters that you relate to so much
that you just fall in love with them.
Exactly.
So you could see why those of us
who have been kind of on the fringes
gravitated towards stuff like these stories
about, you know, people who are also kind of
in one identity very normal
and most people don't give them a second thought.
But secretly, inside, they're this godlike being
that everybody counts on so much.
You know, it's the nerd fantasy right there.
Like, "Nobody notices me, but they don't know
that inside, I'm Superman."
Exactly.
And how much for all three?
Well, I mean, we got 20 for number 2,
15 for number 3, 15 for number 4.
- That'd be 50. - Okay.
Um...
I-I've enjoyed this so much, this...
you know, actually getting to talk intelligently
about Elfquest for once.
- I can do 40. - Okay.
I can do 40 for these, easily.
Yay. Aw, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
- All right. - Bye.
See you later.
- Mornin', fellas. - Mornin', Walt.
'Sup?
Hey, I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I'm sure your answer's gonna be yes,
but have you guys seen any of these storage locker shows
that are on every cable channel now?
This is what you were doin' last night.
You were watching these shows all night.
Right. These guys go in.
You know, they bid on the lockers.
They open up the lockers.
There's nothin' but great stuff to sell.
These people are making money hand over fist,
and we're just sittin' here like dopes
starin' at each other.
Come on, you... you don't think they like plant stuff
in there just for the TV ow?
Most people store their...
their urine-stained mattresses there.
No one's... no one is paying a monthly fee
to put their garbage in... in a locker room.
I don't... [Stutters]
I'm sure you've seen the many numerous
storage locker shows on cable TV.
Let's say you're delinquent on your locker.
What happens is your locker goes up for auction.
And then, the bidding starts.
It's kind of like an unwilling garage sale.
You know what I'm sayin'?
[Laughter]
But show after show, I've seen collectibles and cars.
I mean, I was like, "We gotta get in on this."
I thought you were goin' like,
"It's a shame what's happened to these people's storage units."
But what you're saying is,
"I see a way for us to exploit..."
[laughter]
Nah, man, I don't know how you guys
can't be into it, but we're gonna do it.
250 each. We won't go over $1,000.
All I need to know is where they're held at.
I would assume that they'd have it online.
I'm looking at it right now.
There is one this weekend
at bayshore storage in keansburg.
That's it, man. That's it.
Cancel your plans for the weekend, boys.
We are goin' to win a locker.
- All for one? - Yes, yes, yes.
- Let's do it. - One for all, mate.
What is wrong with this guy?
The M41A pulse rifle.
Take a look and then we're gonna start the bidding.
Ooh.
Might as well be gold bars in those white boxes.
- How you doin', guys? - How's it goin'?
I got some fun stuff for you to check out.
- Hope you guys like aliens. - We love aliens.
I'd like to introduce you
to a close, personal friend of mine...
- Oh. - The M41A pulse rifle.
- [Laughs] - That's awesome.
Aw.
It's pretty sweet, and the bolt goes back.
The stock extends and goes back in.
It does all the cool stuff.
That's awesome. Can I hold it?
- You recognize that, right? - Yeah.
This is e gun that everybody remembers from...
from the '80s.
I mean, it is the only one.
Hold on... hold on, man. Let me get a hold of that, Ming.
All I need to know is where they are.
There you go. That's the line.
- [Gunfire] - Aw.
[Gunfire]
Now, I'm a fan of the first Alien movie,
the, you know... the Ridley Scott version.
But in that movie, there was only one alien.
So, you know, this one, there's a whole ton of 'em.
The... the first Alien, to me, it's...
you know, it's the haunted house movie in outer space.
Aliens is just a flat-out action movie.
Between the two, man, I prefer Cameron's version.
They suck you in right from the start.
It's just like boom, boots on the ground,
acid in your face, teeth goin' like this
for, like, two hours straight.
Oh, yeah.
If you really like Aliens,
you're gonna like this one too.
All right, I've also got the motion tracker.
- [Tracker beeps] - That's awesome.
Yeah, this is a great piece.
This is one of those rare ones
that was like 1,200 made or something like that.
Oh, so this is a legitimate...
This is a legitimate... yeah, for real...
- This is licensed? - Yep, that's a license plate.
People think it's real. Like, it's really doing it.
And they start moving, and they try and hold still
so it doesn't go off.
My God. Look at that.
He's like, "It's readin' right."
- Getting closer. - "You're not readin' it right."
There's movement all over the place.
Aw, that's cool, man.
It had the noise.
It had, like, a LCD screen where...
with the little red dots of the aliens approaching you.
That is awesome, man.
I mean, when that guy flipped that thing on,
like, I thought I was Bill Paxton.
I was Hudson at that moment.
Like, "Game over, man. Game over."
[Laughter]
That is, like, one of the greatest scenes
in cinema history, man, is them all
crowded in a room trying to figure out
where the aliens are, and they're in the room.
- It's a bug hunt, man. - It's a bug hunt, man.
Why you are bringing it to me here today?
Well, I'm a special effects makeup artist.
I make costumes and props,
and there's a lot of movie work in Atlanta, Georgia.
But I couldn't move because
I live in a three-bedroom house by myself
that is packed to the ceiling with costumes and props,
and I need to start thinning out some of this collection
to make a little money for the move
because moving is not cheap.
- What's that go for? - I paid 1,000 for it.
I would go... I'm gonna go 700.
No, this is... this wasn't on screen or anything?
No, none of these are screen-used.
These are all replicas, and...
What about this thing?
This one here, they sell instantly for 600.
There's just no way around that.
I'd do 1,000 for the pair.
What if I was just interested in the...
in the Alien Tracker?
Uh, 350?
350, huh?
You sure you don't wanna do a deal with the two?
Yeah, I'm pretty much just really...
I like... I love the tracker.
I love the noise. I love the lcd screen.
It's just straight right out of the movie.
- It's awesome. - Would you take 275 for it?
How about 325?
Um...
325, huh?
Any chance you'd take 300 for it?
Um...
I'm gonna be sad to say good-bye to it.
Oh, so it's... is it a deal?
Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah.
[Laughter]
Good-bye, motion tracker.
But at least I get to keep the pulse rifle, so it's...
seller's remorse set in before you even agreed to it.
[Laughter]
Last hand in the air wins.
Look who's here.
Robert, this locker is the Stash's.
- Oh, my God. - God, is that a Ben Cooper?
It's a Ben Cooper costume, man.
Anybody got a sequel that they like
more than the original?
The big daddy of them all, man, Empire.
Oh, my God. You're right... Absolutely right.
Empire's a far superior film to Star Wars.
Excellent choice. Ming?
I mean, I might get killed, but Batman Returns.
Pfft. Let's kill him.
- [Laughter] - Yeah, yeah.
- What about you, Bry? - I would go T-2.
Ooh, excellent call, man. Good call, good call.
Cameron's the master of the sequel, right?
He should... he should be lookin' into Titanic 2.
[Laughter]
Cameron is so good at taking something
and revitalizing it, that we need
to have Cameron take all of us
and do our second acts, man.
Could you imagine?
We'd be badasses runnin' around,
- blowin' up aliens. - Oh, man.
I-I'd be on a Harley with, like, a sawed-off shotgun.
You'd be posing nude on a...
on the hull of a ship as Mike sketches you.
As Mike draws you. [Laughter]
575, give me 600. Will you bid 600?
Here we go, 600. Last call.
Sold it at $575. Bill got it.
All right, next locker's right down the way.
Why didn't you bid on that one?
When the perfect locker comes up, we'll know it.
Come on, we don't have all day.
Trust me. Trust me.
I'm sweatin' my ass off out here.
It's hot as hell out there.
It's gotta be pushin' three digits,
100 degrees, and we see locker,
after locker, after locker,
and this guy doesn't wanna bid on anything.
I'm not ready to pop
the first locker that I see.
I wanna make sure it's the locker for us.
This ain't no teenage boy you're shoppin' with.
- This a man. - [Laughs]
That's what I told him. I was like,
"Man, I would hate to be your wife, Ming.
"You're just ready to go in,
"get it done, and get it over with.
Why not enjoy every moment of it?"
We're just confirmin' we have the right locker here.
We'll start the bidding in a few seconds.
This is what I was talkin' about.
I mean, the thrill, the excitement, man.
I don't know if I ever felt this way before in my life.
[Laughs]
Look who's here.
- Robert. - Afternoon, gentlemen.
What's goin' on?
What? Flea market closed today?
Yeah, finally came out to my world.
We just invaded your world.
[Laughter]
Rob Bruce showin' up is not a shocker.
You were actually more on his turf than vice versa.
Absolutely, he hasn't become Rob Bruce
by not goin' to a couple storage lockers a week.
Seasoned pro.
Oh, I thought it was because he actually
lived in one of the storage lockers.
[Laughter]
We got locker 104, next lot here.
We're gonna pop the lock,
you're gonna have a couple minutes to look in there,
and then we're gonna start the bidding.
Take a look. You got a couple minutes.
What do you see? What do you see?
Yo, Nixon banner. Old Nixon banner.
- Yeah, man. - That's some old stuff.
- Right over there. - What?
Towards the back.
Oh.
- Is that a long box? - Yeah.
Look, look, look, there's another one up there.
Oh, yeah.
- There's another one. - Yeah.
Might as well be gold bars in those white boxes, baby.
That's a luscious long box.
So you know inside this unit, they got comics.
You don't know what kind of comics,
but if I was a gamblin' man, I see a long box,
that thing's gotta be comics in here.
That's what you put in a storage unit.
That's what we think,
so we pigeonhole this one.
This is the one we're gonna go after,
and we're gonna go after it hard.
All right, guys, you know the rules.
Last hand in the air wins.
Next lot here, locker 104.
You ready to go?
You guys really don't want this, do you?
Robert, this locker is the Stash's.
We'll see.
Okay, and how much would you bid?
- Give $100. - Yeah.
100 bid. 150, 150, 175...
- 175. - 200, 225.
- 225? 250, 275... - Yep!
- 300 bid. - Why? What are you doing?
- Go, get in there. - Giddy-up!
- Yeah. - 425, 450, 450, now...
- yeah! - Giddy-up, giddy-up!
- 475. - Yup!
$500. $500.
- 700. - 700!
[Auctioneering]
750, 750 once.
- 750 twice. - $1,000.
$1,000, $1,000. 1,050.
$1,000. That's all we got.
- [Auctioneering] - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1,050.
Rob Bruce put us right at our Max.
I got the vapors, man. This is some intense...
Yeah, yeah, oh, my God.
I've got the fever myself.
I'm like, "Throw another 100 on, Walt!"
[Laughter]
But all kidding aside, though,
this ain't about [Bleep] and giggles.
I wanna win this thing.
Come on, you can't... can we settle it right on 1,000?
- 1,200. - 1,200, 1,200.
- Come on, what are you doing? - 1,300.
- 1,300... 1,300 right here. - That's it, that's it.
- Yup. - Giddy-up, giddy-up.
[Auctioneering]
- Yup! - Don't do it, don't do it.
- 1,450. - Boo-yah.
That's it... that's it, though.
- 1,450. - 1,450.
1,500. [Auctioneering]
- 1,500. - 1,500.
[Auctioneering]
- Come on. - [Auctioneering]
1,550 once.
1,550 twice.
Fair warning.
- Sold! - Boo-yah.
- You beat the Bruce? - We beat the Bruce.
He's done, he's out, and we won the storage locker.
Oh, my God, that's the Conan call right there.
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you,
and hear the lamentation of the women.
On to the next lot.
Better luck next time, baby.
All right, man, I can't wait any longer.
Let's get in there and see what we got.
- Let's go. - Cool.
All right, who wants to be the first one
to open the box?
Show me the comics.
- Thank you very much. - Appreciate it.
- How you doin'? - Hey, how are you?
What can we do for you today?
This is a comic book-related item
but obviously not a comic book.
- Oh, my God. - Batman costume.
Oh, my God. Is that a Ben Cooper?
It's a Ben Cooper Halloween costume, man.
I'm actually ignorant. Ben Cooper?
Ben Cooper was the manufacturer.
I mean, he must've pumped out
thousands upon thousands of... of Halloween costumes.
- Sold millions. - There might be millions, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you're right, it may be millions.
I think every American boy
from the '60s to '90s
had a Ben Cooper costume at one point in your life.
I mean, it... this is Norman Rockwellian to me.
That is a uniquely American experience
to look out your window on October 31
and see a bunch of people
in fake plastic masks with rubber bands.
But how awesome was it to go
into one of the department stores
of... of the time and just see
all those costumes laid out in front of you?
Yes.
And how often did you change who you were...
like in September 1, like, "I'm goin' as Spider-Man."
But by October, you had changed your costume,
your choice of what you were gonna be,
at least 10 to 15 times.
You're under the mistaken delusion
that I was the child of an oil baron.
We committed to one Halloween costume
for, like, five years in a row, man.
[Laughter]
I was Frankenstein quite a few times.
One year, you lost the mask.
It's like you're hobo Frankenstein.
[Laughter]
Check out the... the fabric on the costume.
It's not like the ones that I remember, though.
Yeah, the cheaper ones, there was like
a picture of Frankenstein on a plastic apron.
Yes, it was basically just a vinyl apron.
This feels like fabric.
I-I've never seen this vintage style
come through the doors.
That's nice. That's really nice.
I desperately, desperately wanted one.
My mother, for some reason,
thought that that was taking the easy route,
and she would insist on making costumes for me.
One year, I was a pile of garbage.
She took, like, a raincoat and just glued
a bunch of different garbage to it.
Like rotting...
I was basically a garbage dump.
[Laughter]
Well, Mike, what would you put the value
of this Ben Cooper playsuit at?
Retail, we could probably get 125 for it.
- So... - A buck and a quarter?
Yeah, I-I think you're in the right ballpark.
Would you take 60 bucks for it?
60 bucks?
Uh, what about 80?
That's the most un-American ing you could've said.
[Laughter]
I could do 75.
75 is about the high...
is about as high as I'll go for it today.
- Okay. - You can do 75?
I think I can do 75.
All right, done deal.
- Mother... - [Laughs]
Who's a pile of trash now?
[Laughter]
All right, this is the last of the long boxes.
[Sighs] All right.
Who wants to be the first one to open the box?
- I do. - Mike, open box number one.
- What do we got? - What is it, baby?
What is it?
Come on, baby.
- What is this? - National Geographic.
- Nat Geos? - These are current.
2005? We... "Why we love caffeine?"
- They're worthless. - Uh, all right.
That's only the first box. That's only the first box.
Box number two. Show me the comics.
It's hard covers? Graphic novels?
Got some encyclopedias.
Is it at least a full set of encyclopedias?
No.
I think we're missin' "T" and "U."
Oh, my God.
Hand me that Nat Geo box.
I think I'm gonna vomit in it.
[Laughter]
There wasn't a comic book to be had.
I'm goin' into a full-blown panic.
It was horrible.
I could feel myself almost vomiting
as I see us spending $1,500
on pure [Bleep].
Somewhere, Rob Bruce is laughing heartily.
[Laughter]
This is the last box, man.
This is our only hope.
If there's not $1,500 worth of comics in here,
we're screwed.
- Open it up. - All right.
Tell me. Tell me.
What's in there?
You have a complete collection of encyclopedias.
[Laughs]
[Bleep].
You guys may have been too reckless on this one.
Why is this all on us now?
You gotta move this stuff and recoup some of our money,
and that's up to you guys.
Lemons into lemonade, brother.
You get it all back to the Stash,
and I'll see you guys on Monday.
Grab a b... grab a box.
Where are you goin'?
It's not funny. Get back here.
Pick up a box. Let's go.
How could you fault me at all on this?
I'm not faulting you specifically,
but I-I remember going in there,
you saying we're going there as a team.
We're gonna win the locker as a team.
We did.
We're gonna get rich as a team.
We didn't. [Laughter]
Every saga has an ending, kids,
and that's the end of this week's show.
From Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
In space, no one can hear you scream, kids.
Good night.