[cheers and applause]
[laughter and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[laughter]
[cheering]
- Nice.
[cheers and applause]
[laughter]
[laughter and applause]
[funky music]
- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bill Cosby!
[cheers and applause]
- Hello!
All right, happy to have all of you here.
And, uh. . .
[laughter]
When I said to some people,
"I'm coming to Cerritos," they said, "Ooh, good."
I said, "We're gonna tape for a TV show."
So they said, "Oh, yeah? What--what--a special for--"
I said, "Yeah."
So they said, "Well, which one?"
I said, "Comedy Central."
So they said. . .
"Excuse me, you?"
I said, "Yeah."
"ls this--is this a new Comedy Central?"
I said, "No, it's the one that you see all the time."
So, like, one of the guys started crying.
So I said, "What's the matter?"
He said. . . [crying]
"Mr. Cosby's gonna curse."
And they walked away.
So then, another couple, they said,
"We--we hear you're-- you're gonna do a special."
I said, "Yeah."
So they said, "On Comedy Central?"
They went like this--
I said, "Yeah."
They said. . .
"Then, uh, we can expect to see some, uh. . ."
I said, "Not really."
"Well, what are you gonna do?"
I said, "I'm gonna almost talk that way."
They said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "You know, you aim at it, and you hit it,
but nobody heard you firing."
As you grow, you find people in your way.
Old people.
Two of 'em, you lived with.
So you become. . .
a person who, now managing your life,
you fall in love.
And you see the person
that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And you ask that person
to be with you when you die.
I mean--I mean, that's essentially what I said.
I didn't realize what I was saying,
but I said that.
I-I thought I was being romantic.
I said to her,
"I would like to spend the rest of my life with you."
Well, if you-- see, love--
When--there used to be a time when songwriters wrote words,
and they. . .
They had-- they had stuff--
"I lo--I'm crazy about you. I love you.
I just can't think right. I'm going mad."
And all of that. And--and--
And it's true!
You're not making any sense.
You want somebody to be with you until you die.
That's not love.
You know, I don't know what you can call it,
but it's not romantic either.
I mean, you think about it, you know, she's there,
and you say, "I would like to spend
the rest of my life with you."
Oh, whoops. Wait a minute.
Whoops. Wait a minute.
Let's go back and listen to your grandmother.
After your grandfather died. . .
And ten years later, somebody says,
"Grandma, don't you want to meet somebody, a man?"
"I don't want to take care of another old man."
See, she's not in love anymore.
Grandma says, "Oh, no, you don't.
You don't get me one of those things, man."
When you fall in love,
you accept craziness.
See. . .
Here she is. Right there.
She's called a "girlfriend."
Girlfriend.
Now, this person is wonderful for you.
She will even drink beer. . .
with you
and lay up in your ar--
she will watch sports. . .
with you,
and--and even know your friends by name. . .
and say the names like she really likes the person.
She's a wonderful person.
This is the girlfriend.
Friend.
Girl. . .
Okay? Loving you!
Pick you up anywhere.
"Come and get me." Zoom.
Right there.
You can say to her, "Do you have any money?"
She will--she will say, "I'm sorry, I don't."
Well, you can't get everything.
There she is.
But. . .
after 49 years of experience,
she is the lure.
You ever do fishing?
The lure is something very beautiful,
and it bobs in the water.
[laughs]
And it draws you. . .
Yeah. So nice, this person.
So wonderful.
You--you leave her, and she'll call three minutes later.
"I miss you."
Yeah.
You can call her.
Any hour. Any hour.
She's--"Yes, oh, yes.
I miss you so much. When are you--"
"Yes."
The girl. . .
all: Friend. - Thank you very much.
So you want her. . .
so badly that you. . .
[laughs]
want to spend the rest of your life
with the girl. . .
all: Friend.
- That's who you're proposing to.
So now you have to go get a diamond. . .
because a diamond
is a girl's. . .
all: Best friend.
- Hey.
Love--love is not-- you're not clear.
You're not thinking-- you're not saying to yourself,
wait a minute, she's my girlfriend.
But if I want her to spend the rest of my life,
I have to go get her her friend.
And maybe more.
Now, everything I'm telling you is not anti.
You know, none of it is anti.
I'm just trying to make it clear for the males,
because somebody keeps telling us that we are--
"You're the man. You're--"
No.
What we are is not paying attention.
You got to pay attention.
There are people-- there are paradigms
of what is coming.
Your own father.
See, you think you can use him
because he's quiet.
And who helped him to become that?
See, it doesn't register with you that his wife--
"Don't say that about my mother--"
He--your mother--
You know, I can't say "wore him down"
or "beat him down."
It's his choice
to be a quiet man.
A man who used to love to talk.
A man who took you out places, came back with you,
and then she said, "What did you do?"
And you told her what you and Dad did.
And then she told him not to do that anymore.
I'm jumping ahead,
'cause I'm not talking about the girlfriend.
I'm talking about where we're going.
Yeah, here she is. The wife.
See, when you--there's-- the game of chess.
Supposedly, men made it up, and it's about war and men
and the savageness and the bravery
and the genius of commanding and moving pieces and--
No.
It's marriage.
The queen. . .
moves anywhere she wants. . .
picking off people.
And what happens to the king?
He's moving one square.
Look at Mother's Day. Look at Mother's Day.
"Oh, Mom, you're so wonderful. You're the best."
And there's a parade and presents.
Why is it that nobody forgets Mother's Day?
Because your mother tells you when it's coming.
She also tells you you better not forget.
And mothers are not truthful people.
And the proof of it is, every year, your birth,
the labor gets longer and. . .
by the time you're 30,
she was in there for seven months, in labor,
and she kept saying,
"My God, shoulders. Cut it in half."
So here she is. The girl. . .
all: Friend. - Friend.
You want her for the rest of your life.
So that means you have to get married.
Keep in mind, that's what you're moving to.
The wife.
It's a different person.
Now, they're not evil. They're not evil.
But they have a different mind-set.
First, we will start with the loss of power. . .
which you never had.
These things were written about in books
called fairy tales,
where the man was on the horse and all of that,
and the woman--
"Oh, throw down your hair," you know, and all of that.
And he's a swashb-- and swinging and flying in
and saving her. . .
when nobody was really bothering her.
She can take care of herself.
She took care of you.
"I don't want to take care of another old man
as long as I live."
So now here we go.
You get the ring.
Then. . . then you're most humble.
You begin to think
what she will mean to you.
And you become humbled, and you realize,
as you are mad-- as you are mad,
that you are really--
you put yourself in such a low self-esteem position.
"I am nothing.
But if I have her, I will conquer the world."
And you begin to want her and need her,
because without her by your side,
you can't do it.
And then you have the nerve,
after you give her her friend,
to tell her how worthless you are.
"I am nothing.
And--and if you will join me--"
Now, this is getting stupid now. . .
but it is the lure of her friend.
She's not paying attention to what you're saying.
She's looking at the diamond.
She thinks you're saying, "Please, marry me,"
'cause that's all they ever say.
You say, "What did he say?" "He asked me to marry him."
But you were babbling away about being nobody and nothing
and your heart and that you're gonna die before her
and you want her there to see this death.
Later on, thousands of years, a woman says,
"I don't want to see that again as long as I live."
So here we go.
You ask any woman in this audience who's married.
"Did he ask you to marry him?"
"Yes, he proposed." "What did he say?"
He said, "Will you marry me?"
And that's because she never paid attention.
Now, the two men--
the two men in the wedding-- important--
are told what to do.
The father of the bride is told.
"You walk her down here,
"give her to him,
"and then you come over and sit beside me.
"And stay sober.
"And don't go around asking strangers
how much they think all of this cost."
So much for the power of the father of the bride.
The groom has no power.
He's given an opportunity
to invite all of his best buddies.
They come, and they are called the. . .
all: Groomsmen. - The groomsmen.
And the reason why he's given that privilege
is because this is the last time
he will ever see them. . .
except maybe as pallbearers.
Now, I don't know if you're planning to get married
for the first time.
All you fellas, now just listen to me carefully.
I--If you can swing it, I think it'll be very nice.
Take--take the father of the bride out.
Let him sit next to the bride's mother.
ln his place,
while you're standing
and waiting for her,
you will put your mother.
The groom's mother-- think about it--
is bringing her.
You see? You can now see your whole life.
Here comes the woman who brought you into this world,
now bringing to you the woman who is going to--
[crowd murmuring] No, let me say it!
[laughter and applause]
Take you out.
Thank you.
So now, you men pass up certain things.
You don't recognize--
when you're married,
you don't recognize certain things that--
pardon me-- that she's doing.
She's not an evil person.
I don't think that she is like a person--
"Uh, give me that big, red one.
I'm gonna ride 'em till he can't breathe anymore."
No, I don't think that.
But I do know. . .
that--that they-- they--
Things belong to them. . .
and you don't know that.
You think this is yours,
that it belongs to the two of you.
"My wife and I."
See, it's not true.
The first time I ever talked out loud to myself. . .
I was married seven months.
I came in, and I took my shoes off,
put 'em there,
and l-l went back to get something to drink,
came back, and they were gone.
They were gone because a part of my mind said--
because the eyes told him,
"What happened to your shoes?"
So I answered myself.
I said, "I don't know."
So--so my brain said, "Well, they were here."
I said, "Yeah, I took 'em off."
And then my brain said, "Yeah, we saw you do that.
We saw you-- you put 'em right there."
So things start to move.
And the reason is, they are not. . .
all: Yours.
- And where they. . .
- Belong. - Belong!
Said many of the wives sitting in the back.
Yeah, not--they're not where they belong.
And you will find out, when you ask very nicely,
"Dear--" You have to.
"Dear, have you seen my--"
And then, as you stay married longer, they--
they get to sound like Judge Judy.
"I'm talking now.
I put it where it belongs."
And then you're scared. You say--
You're scared to say, "Well, where is that?"
Things start to move.
You could be sitting-- I'm telling you.
These things belong to her.
It's not evil, it's just that you don't know that.
She gave me a room.
She said, "Come here. I want to show you your room."
I said, "Am I being punished?"
She said, "No, Bill. I fixed a room for you."
I didn't ask her to,
nor did she ask me what I liked.
She said, "I put everything in there that you like."
So there was a big TV,
like this and like this.
And it was about this far from my face.
But it's not bad, because when you--
you know, you take the remote.
Once you learn how to do that. . .
Especially when you turn it on, move,
because the thing-- zzzt--will suck. . .
So she--
she--she showed me the room, and now I sit in it
because this is my room, and I--
l-l sit,
and sometimes, she will come by and peek in.
And she says-- one time, she said,
"Oh, there you are!"
And--and then she walked away.
So--so I went after her, and I said, "Yes, dear?"
She said, "What?"
I said, "Yes, what do you want?"
She said, "I don't want anything."
I said, "But you called me."
She said, "No, I didn't."
I said, "Yes, you did, dear."
She said, "When did I call you, Bill?"
I said, "You stopped back at the room, and you said,
'Oh, there you are!"'
She said, "That's right. I wasn't calling you.
"I said, 'Oh, there you are,'
because you were there, Bill."
So I said, "Yeah, but why did you have to tell me
that I--"
And guess what.
I knew I was going to win this one
'cause she said, "I don't want to talk about this," and--
All you husbands know this.
People will say, "ls your wife your friend?"
You say, "My best friend."
"My best friend." Because they better say it.
l-l know that's not a good understanding
of a friendship, that you better say it,
but that's the way it is with your wife.
Because she's not your friend,
so you better say she's your friend.
No, she's not your friend. That's your wife.
Way above a friend.
See, this was your friend,
and you wanted to die with somebody.
Here she is.
You see?
So now, this is your wife.
So you could get a friend just being a regular,
you know, nice person or something.
But a wife is special.
But they want you to say,
"She's my friend."
Let me give you an example.
"Excuse me, dear?
"Why did you move this when I had it
this way?"
See, that's-- that's my wife.
I got no answer.
She--she just walked out.
And they know.
They know that they're not your friend.
Because you could do like this.
After she did like this. . .
you could call her back and say, "Look, do me a favor.
Don't ever do this again."
No, I-I'm just making up something.
I didn't say--
[chuckles]
So--so you say, "Don't ever do this again,
"because when I have something set on my table,
I want it on the table the way I want it."
Huh? Isn't this fun?
[laughter]
Some guy--an idiot--
in an audience one night said to me,
"ls your wife here?"
I said, "Stupid, does it sound like she's here?"
"I don't want you moving my stuff again.
"I don't care if I put it end upside down
"or lay it like that.
Leave my stuff alone. . . dear."
"Who do you think you're talking to?"
"My friend."
"No, you're not either. . .
"buster.
Keep it up, you will die by yourself."
So you have to just understand
that things are gonna move.
Let 'em move.
But she's not your friend.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me give you an example.
I fly into Massachusetts.
Get in my car.
2:30 in the morning.
I'm driving,
hour, 1 5-minute drive, going home.
All of a sudden, I smell a wire burning.
1 5 minutes out, wire burning,
smell smoke, the lights are dimming.
All of a sudden, the car-- vroo--
And I negotiate over,
I put it in park, turn off the key.
I go around, I lift the hood.
This ends my knowledge of how to fix the car.
I come back round, and I--
2:45 A.M.--
I dial my friend.
His name is Ed.
He's around my age.
So I said-- phone's ringing--
[imitates phone trilling] You know.
So Ed-- he picks up the phone.
Now, he's asleep. 2:45.
He says--[gibberish] You know, he tried to talk.
I said, "Ed."
He said, "Cos."
That's my friend!
Ed! That's my friend Ed!
All I said was "Ed." He said, "Cos."
He said, "Are you all right?"
My friend Ed wanted to know--
He was asleep, and all I said was "Ed."
"Cos, are you all right?"
I said, "Ed, I'm fine.
"I'm driving my car, Ed. I'm l-91 North.
"I'm an hour out from my house. I smell wire burning.
"There's smoke, engine lights go out, Ed,
"and, Ed, my car is gone.
"It's just stopped,
and I'm wondering, Ed, if you'll come and get me."
My friend Ed said,
"Cos. . .
Let me get dressed. I'll be there."
My friend. . .
all: Ed. - No, say it!
all: Ed!
- There you go. My friend!
- Ed!
- Ed--nah, I didn't ask you to say it again.
When I do like that, that's when you say "Ed."
My friend Ed is coming to get me.
He gave me a choice.
He said, "Cos, let me get dressed."
I could've said,
"Don't get dressed, Ed. Come and get me."
My friend Ed is coming.
Now, let's--let's go to this other person.
I'm not naming any names,
just going to another person.
What time is it?
all: 2:45. - 2:45 in the morning.
Dial the number.
She picked up the phone. She said--[gibberish]
I said, "Yes, my darling."
She said, "Oh, Billy." I said, "Yes, dear."
She said,
"Oh, how are you? What are you doing?"
I said, "Dear, I'm about an hour out."
She said, "Oh, wonderful. You'll be home shortly."
I said, "I don't think so."
She said, "Oh, what's the matter?"
I said, "Well, dear, I'm driving my car,
"and smoke starts coming, and the engine cut out,
and I had to maneuver over--"
And she said, "Bill."
I said, "I-it just won't run, dear."
She said, "Bill." I said, "Yes, dear?"
She said, "How many times. . .
"have I told you. . .
to get that car fixed?"
I said, "Many times."
She said, "No, Bill. How many times?"
I said, "Over a hundred."
She said, "So why are you calling me?"
I said, "Dear, I was hoping--"
She said, "Well, you got that right."
"I was hoping that you would come and get me."
She said, "Bill. . .
"do you expect me to get out of this bed,
"drive an hour out to wherever you are,
because you don't listen to me?"
She said, "I'm gonna call the AAA.
When they bring you home, Bill,
don't make a lot of noise."
I said, "Dear, the reason why I make a lot of noise
"is because you won't let me turn the lights on
and you keep changing the furniture around."
She said, "Well, you could fall quieter than that."
Now, that's my wife.
My friend. . . all: Ed!
- ls coming to get me, because Ed is. . .
all: A friend.
- No, no. He's single.
Yes, because if Ed is married. . .
You can hear Ed's wife in the background.
"I know you better not get out of this bed."
No, all you men, you can go ahead,
long as you been married-- I'm telling you now--
I'm not afraid to say it--
I lost. . .
my key
that was given to me.
I lost my key to the house.
That was 48 years ago.
I don't have a key.
I don't know any codes.
Nothing.
l-l get off the plane,
and--and someone who works for us
will pick me up, bring me home.
That person has a key.
That's if my wife is not there.
And then that person will lock me in.
There are instructions written in the house
what I cannot touch.
Because that's another thing when you get married.
You get up-- you been sleeping--
you get up, and she wakes up too.
"Where are you going?" "I'm just going downstairs."
"No, you stay up here. You stay here with me."
"Why?"
"Because you're just gonna be walking all around."
"And what's wrong with that?"
"I don't want you touching anything!
You don't know how to lock up."
"What do you mean?" They don't trust you.
So she had to go visit her mother,
and she--she left.
I waited and waited
until she was gone long enough, you know,
to be at her mother's house,
and then I-I got up, and I went to bed.
She won't let me go to sleep early,
but if she's not there, she can't see where I am.
So I put the pajamas on.
I got in the bed.
So the phone rang,
and I got out on my side
and walked over to her side, where the phone is.
I don't have a phone on my side
because my phone wakes her up.
So. . .
[laughter]
You thought it was only happening to you, didn't you?
So I said, "Hello."
It's a woman.
So she says,
"I represent the so-and-so security company."
She says, "Who am I talking to?"
I said, "Well, I'm half-owner of--
of the house."
So she says-- she says, "Well,
"do you know
"that there's an alarm going off--
going off?"
I said, "I don't hear anything."
She said, "Well, it's going-- it's going--
"It's showing up that there's a malfunction
in the front door of the building."
So I said, "Okay. Well, just a minute."
I put the phone down, I went to the front door,
and there's bolts and keys.
So you unbolt and turn the key, open,
slam it, bolt, turn it.
Unbolt, unlock, open, slam it,
jiggle it, bang it, bolt it back.
Turn the key. I went back up.
I said, "How's it look?"
She said, "lt still shows there's a malfunction."
She says, "And who-- what is your name?"
I said, "Cosby."
She said, "What is your code name?"
I said, "I don't have a code name."
She said, "Yes, you do."
I said, "Ma'am, I have to tell you--
"I don't drink, and I don't do drugs or anything.
"I know for sure I don't have a code name.
"I just have my regular name, which my mother gave me,
and my wife even calls me by that name."
She said, "Well, sir, I'm gonna have to call the police
because you don't know your code--"
I said, "Ma'am, they're not gonna do anything
because I have a code face."
I said, "Just one second, please."
So I put her on hold,
and it's blinking, and I punch down another line,
and I dial my mother-in-law's house.
The phone is ringing, and my wife picked up.
She said, "Hello."
I said, "Oh, I'm so happy to reach you."
She said, "Hi, honey. How are you?"
"I'm home." She said, "I'm at Mom's."
I said, "Yeah. Just a minute, dear."
She said, "What's the matter? What's the matter?"
I said, "There's nothing wrong,
but the lady from the security company--"
She said, "What did you do?"
I said, "I didn't do anything, dear.
Just one second."
So, uh. . .
[mumbling] Conference.
So I punch down the conference, and I punch down my wife.
I said, "Hello?" My wife said, "Hello?"
And the woman said, "Hello!"
I said, "All right!"
[humming fanfare]
So I said, "Ma'am?" The lady said, "Yes."
I said, "This is my wife."
So the woman said, "Yes, how are you?"
My wife says, "I'm fine."
So my wife says, "What is the problem?"
So the woman said, "Well, there's a malfunction
"on the front door of the building
that this gentleman is in."
So my wife said, "Did you touch that front door?"
I said, "No, I didn't."
The woman said, "Yes, he did."
I said, "Now, look, lady. You gotta--
"You know, there is a time line here.
"I touched the door after you told me
there was something wrong."
She said, "Oh, yeah. Okay."
So the woman said, "And what is your name, ma'am?"
She said, "Mrs. Cosby."
And the woman said, "That is correct."
She said--
She said, "And what is your code name?"
My wife said, "Pearl."
She said, "That's correct."
She said, "And I just want to tell you, Mrs. Cosby,
"how wonderful it is to speak to someone who has a code name
"that makes some sense and not a bunch of pervert things
going out that you have to hear and say."
My wife said, "Thank you, but you know,
"I was in the Andes, and we were all around,
"and I saw the pearls and the people,
and I said, 'Oh, my God, I've got the name."'
And the woman said, "Oh, yes, I plan to go there,
"and we're going to do all of this and that,
and they're the same colors, and so you don't mind if I--"
"Oh, yes, it's a wonderful place,
and you should see the thing--"
She said, "By the way, your-- this man is your husband?"
My wife said, "Yes."
She said, "He doesn't--he says he doesn't have a code name."
So my wife said, "Yes, he does."
I said, "No, I don't."
My wife said, "You do have a code name."
She said, "And I told you your code name."
I said, "You never told me anything.
You never said--"
She said, "I told you your code name twice,
"as a matter of fact,
and then I told you to write it down."
I said, "Well, I don't know anything about a code name."
So the woman said, "And what is his code name?"
My wife said, "Bill."
I was going to have
this woman reported,
because-- no, you can't do that.
But I didn't report her
because I didn't know how to spell--
[snorts]
See, that's the sound she made to keep from laughing.
My wife said, "Bill," and this woman went--[snorts]
And then she said to my wife,
"Mrs. Cosby, please don't be dismayed.
I have one of these at home too."
So I said, "Well. . .
"if you told me twice my code name,
"and if--and I'm talking to both of you--
"if you told me to write it down,
why is it I don't remember what you said?"
And both of them said simultaneously,
"Because you don't--"
all: Listen.
- No, no, I'm not talking to you.
You weren't there.
But it's gonna happen.
You'll be-- you'll be married
and see things, man.
See the power, the power of the wife.
We were going out with an elderly couple
in their late 50s.
And my wife locked up, and--
First of all, see, you get to a certain point
in your marriage,
especially after the children move out.
They're not gone, they just-- they move out. . .
but their bills come to your house.
So. . .
I open the car door for her.
She got in,
and she's sitting behind her girlfriend,
and I go around, I open the door,
and I sit behind her girlfriend's husband.
He's not my friend.
He's--I have to like him,
but I--you know.
Anyway, they--
But when women greet each other,
they just--"Oh, my God. You just look so gorgeous."
"And so do you. You look so wonderful."
"And you--where did you get those earrings?
I could just kill you for those earrings. They--"
"Oh, yes. Do you like them?"
"Yes, they pick up your eyes, they pick up your dress,
"they pick up the dashboard, they pick up everything.
I'm just so--" [mumbles nonsense words]
Men--men are different.
Men, you say, "How are you doing, Roy?"
"Good to see you, Bill."
"Keep in touch, man."
So. . .he takes off.
Now, they have a GPS.
The GPS--
Ding!
"2/5 of a mile, make a left turn."
His wife says,
"2/5 of a mile, make a left turn."
This continued for another 20 minutes.
Every time the machine spoke, she said the same thing.
The machine's-- he never said a thing.
So another 20, and I couldn't take it anymore.
I said to my wife--
[mouthing]
Another ten minutes, I can't take it anymore.
I said to my wife--
[mouthing]
Now, we get to the venue.
The women go to the inner sanctum.
I pull the guy over.
I say, "Hey, man.
"Doesn't it bother you
"that your wife repeats
whatever the machine says?"
He said, "What machine?"
See, after a while, man,
when the children leave,
you become her oldest child.
See, you don't need a brain anymore.
You don't need a brain.
"Don't ask any questions.
You just do what I tell you to do."
'Cause she--she looked at me, she said,
"I've laid your clothes out for you."
So I went up, and I put 'em on.
She said, "Where are you going?"
I said, "You told me to put on my clothes."
She said, "I laid 'em out for you."
I said, "Well, where am I going?"
She said, "Tomorrow."
So I took 'em off,
and I laid 'em back out again.
She said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "I'm laying 'em out for tomorrow."
She said, "They're dirty."
So now it's time to go out with her.
Wherever she's going-- I don't ask.
Married long enough, I don't ask.
Do I care? Yes, but I don't want trouble.
So I sit there, and she drives.
Sometimes we go to the mall.
Here's the rule that I know I'm supposed to do--
if she wants me to go,
when she gets out, the lock will go up.
If--if she wants me to stay,
it stays down, and that's when I talk to the dog.
Oh, yeah, people have dogs in their cars,
and I sit there-- sometimes, she's very nice.
She'll leave little cracks in the window.
[barking]
[growling]
Then they pull away, and another car comes in.
[barking]
[snarling]
Then sometimes she'll say, "Okay, let's go," and I go.
And then she walks me.
So then-- Yeah, I'm telling you, man.
You don't know what you're in for, boy.
And he comes,
and she'll walk me over to a place
where there's about 1 2 other men--old men--
and they're all sitting there like this.
And she says, "Now, you sit down here.
"And I'm telling you right now, you stay where I put you.
"You don't go wandering all over here,
"'cause when I come back, and you're not here,
I'm leaving you."
And there are men sitting there--old men--
and some of them have peed on themselves.
"What happened to you?"
"I'm not leaving, man.
"I don't care. I'm not leaving.
"But the smartest one of all of us is Reggie.
"See, he's got a Ziploc bag,
but he won't share."
There was one fella, he just passed out.
No, he just passed out, and his wife got mad at him.
"What are you doing down there?"
And he says, "I have no idea."
"I know you must have done something.
Now, you get up."
And he did.
So one of the old guys said, "He was faking.
"I've done that before. I couldn't get up.
"I don't know anybody could come.
"But oh, man, when she said, 'Get up,'
"he just got right up. My--
"You know, I fell out, my wife came, said, 'Get up.'
I was so happy, I couldn't move."
That's the way it is.
"Go down there, you sit, and you do what I tell you."
She blamed me for her menopause.
We were sitting there talking,
and all of a sudden, water just shot out,
and her blouse just turned another color,
and she looked at me and said,
"Stop it!"
I said, "Stop what?"
"You know what you're doing,
and I want you to stop it right now."
And then she went and put her head in the freezer.
"As soon as I cool off, I'm gonna get you."
The rule of the house is--
or ought to be--
that when a married couple come upstairs,
if the husband gets the remote--
or let me put it in a fairer sense--
whoever gets the remote first. . .
turns on their program,
they should be allowed to finish the program
they turned on without--
I'm not naming any names--
a certain person going around,
"Well, what is this you got on now?"
Then they lay in the bed,
and you're trying to watch your program,
and they're going-- [groans]
"What is this?" [groans]
"I don't know what it is, but it's a marathon.
"Gonna be on for another seven weeks, dear.
And I got the remote first. Ha, ha, ha."
See, there's gonna be a husband museum.
I don't know if I'll be alive or not,
but I know that the statue out front
will be of a husband sitting in a chair.
He'll be looking like this--
And then on the exit, there's a moving statue,
and the husband's going--
And they walk around the house.
That's how you can tell it's not your house.
They walk-- they walk all over.
You see them going by here, back around,
and you hear 'em overhead,
and you say, "Uh, dear, come sit."
"I'm busy!
Don't you see I have things to do around here?"
"Okay."
She said to me-- she said to me. . .
You know, like Bela Lugosi. . .
"Come."
[mouthing]
She said, "Come sit with me.
We never talk."
So she took me into her office,
and she sat me down,
then she sat on a sofa,
and she took out a book and started to read.
So I'm sitting,
and she's reading.
And, um. . .
See, wives have a peripheral vision.
They can see. . .
like an all-pro corner back.
I'm telling you.
Pay attention. I'm gonna show you what I did.
She's reading, and I did like this--
She said, "Where are you going?"
I said, "I don't know."
She said, "But you moved to stand, didn't you?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "Okay, so you were moving to get up."
I said, "Right."
She said, "So where were you going?"
I said, "I don't know."
She said, "Bill, how could you move to stand
and not know where you're going?"
I said, "Because the voices. . .
told me to stand up.
And then they heard you, and they ran away."
Oh, yes.
One of the worst things that can happen to you
is when your wife
gets your medical, you know, exam,
and you see the RBC and the white blood count
and then the cholesterol triglycerides, and--
and they're not pretty.
And my doctor made that mis-- he's no longer my doctor.
He sent it to the wrong fax number, and--
[laughs]
The reason was she shut mine off.
But he wanted to-- so he sent it to her,
but she shut mine off because I wasn't using mine.
I said, "But I leave it on."
She said, "I don't want it on."
I never said, "But that's my machine."
I already know the answer.
So I'm up.
I'm up-- triglycerides.
And then I get the wife--
"We want you around a long time, and this is unhealthy.
I keep telling you over and over."
And it's tantamount to, like, listening to your mother.
You know, but at least with your mother, there's--
like when your mother's-- [snarling]
And then sometimes you just say,
"Mom, just stop talking. Beat me.
Beat me."
You can't--you can't do that with your wife.
They hit too hard, you know?
So I behaved, because she kept watching me.
And we go to a restaurant,
and she will ask the person for the menu
and just tell them, "He doesn't get one."
And people in restaurants are used to wives
just taking the thing and tell that husbands misbehave.
So we went to this one restaurant
in New York City,
and he has a bakery next door, next door.
So it's like the bakery, and then you go in,
and there's curtain,
curtain, and a door to the bakery.
And then there's a curtain, and then there's a door
and a curtain to the restaurant.
So when we got out of the car, I'm walking,
and we get out far enough back
that I could see the cookies.
And I noticed
that they had chocolate chip cookies this size.
Bigger than Famous Amos, smaller than Mrs. Fields.
So listen, this is where you can put two in.
So the bad boys up here,
they're--"Oh, man, we gonna party!"
"Yeah, but how do we get there? How do we get there?"
"Don't worry, he'll figure it out.
He's smart." You know.
So we go--she did not look like she saw it.
[man laughs loudly]
[laughter and applause]
And we went in and so--
"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Cosby.
How do you do? Sit there,"
and people sitting.
And I'm-- So he pulls--
So my back is to the door, and she's there.
Fella says, "And there's the menu for you,
and will your husband be having a menu?"
"No, I'll select something for him."
She says, "Oh, I see you have
the poached breast of chicken foot."
And she started laughing.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha. I got you, I got you."
"No, you scared me."
So she ordered something for me
that was poached, uh. . .
with nothing, you know?
There's--you will taste the flavor of how it died.
So. . .
she ordered some kind of salmon
from Rangoon,
which has been buried
for 1 2 years
and then was wrapped in fig leaves
from a village
where only virgins--
male--male virgins--
come and sing to the trees
and the leaves.
lt was wonderful.
She just swooned, listening--
"I don't know how chef thinks of these things."
And so she ordered that
with, uh, with prunes.
[audience groans]
No, it wasn't "Ew." She--she's--prunes.
And they bring a small tree, and you pick your own prunes.
Put 'em on your plate.
So I said to her--
now, this is the part of marriage where you--
I mean, you're both good.
You both know each other very well.
"Soon I will get you, Lady Cosby.
"I bleed not.
"This is but a scar.
Aah!"
I said to her,
"If you will excuse me, I will go to the bathroom."
She said, "All right."
So I got up, and I went--
The lady at the desk--
"May I help you, Mr. Cosby?"
"Uh, no, I'm going straight ahead."
Door, curtain, bakery.
So there's a-a couple
and a little child.
I go up, and I'm in, you know, in a hurry.
So there's a lady waiting on them.
So there's another lady
that didn't look like she was doing anything.
You know, New York City.
And, uh, I said, "Pardon me."
She said, "I'm very busy right now."
I said, "Oh, yes, ma'am,
but I just need t-two things, please, if you don't--"
"Oh, hello, what do you need? What do you need?"
I said, "Just give me two chocolate chip cookies, please."
"Well, you just can't have two. You have to buy a dozen."
"Well, good, I will buy a dozen,
"but give me two now, please.
Just give me two."
"First, I have to put the gloves on."
"All right, put on one glove, give me two cookies.
"Please, hurry, 'cause I have to get out of here.
So give me. . .
What! I put 'em in-- [mumbles nonsense words]
Chew the thing, and now she's putting 'em--
[mumbles]
I said, "Here, keep the change.
It's all right. Don't worry."
"No, you will get the change. You got to--"
I said, "I don't have time! I'm sorry."
And I went through a bunch of curtains, then the door.
Stood there with the curtain blocking.
She's sitting there.
I sit down.
She draws the sword.
"Where did you go?"
"I told you. . .
where I went."
She said, "I know. . .
"what you told me. . .
but that's not what I asked you."
I said, "I went. . .
to the bathroom."
She said, "No, you didn't."
She said, "You went. . .
"that way.
The bathroom is that way."
I said, "Yes.
"This is true.
"But. . .
"the bathroom for the regular people. . .
"is there.
"For the stars. . .
"it's that way.
Ha!"
She said,
"You went into that bakery. . .
"and you ate
a chocolate chip cookie!"
And I said, "Ha, ha, ha!
"That's where you are wrong!
"I did not have. . .
"a. . .
chocolate chip cookie!"
She said, "You did."
She said, "Let me smell your breath."
I said, "You'll smell nothing.
"You think I'm one of your children.
"Going around smelling people!
Apologize!"
The woman from the bakery--
it was not a pretty scene--
the woman from the bakery came with the bag
with the ten chocolate chip cookies.
lt was piling on like I've never seen before.
"Mr. Cosby! What is wrong with you?
"You forgot your ten other cookies,
and you ate the other two so fast in there."
I said, "I don't know you, lady."
She said,
"And here's your change."
And then my wife stuck her sword through my neck.
[laughter]
[chuckles]
Oh, you liked that part, didn't you?
And said, "Chew on that."
Yes, but getting back--
And then, the other dream: the children.
These children-- we will have these children,
and they will go on.
We will give them love, and they will go on.
We will give them care and go on in health and go on,
and these are our children,
and they will love us and everything.
And I'm--I'm driving them.
There's three of them.
It's my turn to drive 'em to school.
Block and a half from school--
"Dad, Dad, wait, wait, stop. Stop the car."
"What's the matter?"
"Can--can you let us out here?"
"No, your mother said to take you
straight to the front of the school."
"No, no, Dad. No, she didn't mean that.
She means to let--"
"No, don't tell me what she means.
"I know what your mother said.
"Your mother said drop you off in front of the--
"I don't know what you guys are trying to pull,
but you're getting off in front of the school."
"Dad, please. Please, don't do that.
Please, don't--Dad, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't."
"Okay, 'Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.'
What is the problem?"
"Dad, there's no problem.
We just want to walk from here to the school."
"But your mother said to drop you--"
"Dad, please, if you let us off here,
we will never say anything."
"Oh, don't lie to me about that.
Now, you're gonna tell me what the problem is."
So I turned around, and I looked at 'em.
And when you're an experienced parent,
you pick out the weak one.
"Judas. . .
"Come on, talk to me, talk to me.
"Come on, you can. You can.
Say it. Don't be afraid of the others."
So finally, the old one said,
"The reason why we want to walk
"is because our friends
make fun of us."
"About what?"
"Um, they say that, um,
we think we're rich."
"Why didn't you tell me that?
"Why didn't you say that?
"I can clear it up for you right away.
"Listen, your mother and I are rich.
"You guys have nothing.
"I mean, think about it.
"Every time you want something, you ask us, don't you?
"That means you have nothing. Defend yourself!
"People say, 'Oh, you guys think you're rich.'
"You say, 'No, we don't!
"'That's my father's car.
"It's my mother's house. We have nothing!'
"Say that to them.
"And I'll prove it. Just--I'll prove it.
"The state is making us do these things.
"If we don't do it, we go to jail.
"Another thing, you have no money.
"You're homeless also.
"Your name's not on the mortgage or anything.
Tell your friends that. Defend yourself!"
"Well, we just wanna get out of here,
and we just wanna walk, and--"
"Besides, they're not your friends,
"'cause if they were your friends,
"they would like you for who you are--
period, regardless."
"Well. . ."
"Evin," I say, "look, okay?
I've had enough of this."
Made a U-turn.
I went all the way back about 1/2 mile.
Made another U-turn.
I said, "Get out."
"Get out? But--get out?"
"Yes, get out."
"But, Dad, this is a long--"
"Yes!
"Think of how your friends will love you even more.
"Come on. You--
You can do it. You can do it, get out."
"But, Dad, we don't wanna get out."
"No, no, you're gonna prove this to your friends."
I close the door, and I made a U-turn, going home.
I'm driving. I look through the rearview.
They're fighting mad with each other, man.
Not throwing any punches, but it's getting close.
[mouthing]
So I make another U-turn, and I come back.
"What's the problem?"
"We don't-- we don't wanna walk."
"Okay, get in the car."
I drive all the way up
to the front of the school.
ln front of us-- I told 'em.
I said, "Look at that.
"Your friends talking about being rich.
"They just drove up here in a $300,000 bus.
Go ahead."
So they got out.
They're walking, and then they go on the grass,
and they're meeting with their friends outside,
and all of a sudden, I put it in park,
opened the door, and I walked over to 'em.
And I looked at 'em, with their friends around them,
and I said,
"Kiss me."
lt was wonderful.
But all those dreams that you have
of what they're going to be.
I remember my wife--
our first one was ten years old--
And I think my wife had some dreams
of this first-born being a friend
and the two of them growing together.
"Which one is the mother?"
[laughs coyly]
Not once she turned ten.
My wife called me.
"Bill! May I see you?"
And I have this habit--
If I can't see her, I don't answer.
Then I heard her coming, and I answered,
"Yes, dear?"
She said, "Come with me, please."
And she took me up to the daughter's bedroom.
The daughter's standing there. . .
letting us know she can't stand us.
I stopped at the doorway. My wife came over here.
My wife addressed me.
"Have you ever seen such filth in all your life?"
I said, "No, I haven't, Your Honor."
My wife said,
"Go to your bathroom,
"pick up the bathroom scale--yours.
"It's on the floor.
"With two hands.
"Bring it in here.
Set it down face up."
Daughter came back with it.
My wife said, "Now, bring that sock over here.
"Put it on the scale.
How much does it weigh?"
[with attitude] "The needle hardly moved."
"Then why can't you pick it up?"
Then the daughter said, "I didn't ask to be born!"
And I just got so mad,
I thought of three things to say,
but none of them would allow me entry into heaven.
And my wife, in. . .
[snaps fingers] time,
said something that made me jealous
of her intelligence and quickness,
'cause the daughter said,
"I didn't ask to be born!"
And my wife said,
"And you're not what we asked for."
Getting to here.
Sitting in the room. . .
quiet.
She stuck her head in.
She said. . .
"Isn't it hot in here?"
And before I could respond,
she turned the thermostat
and then left.
So I sat,
and after a while, I started to get cold.
And I--
I started thinking to myself,
you know, "Hey, I'm a man.
Get up."
You know, "Change the thermostat."
But--but I was-- I wasn't afraid.
I. . .don't know what it was, but I--
I didn't want to change the thing.
[sighs]
I was doing this routine one night,
and a woman yelled at me,
"Why didn't you get a sweater?"
So then I began to just think,
"I'm a man. I'm a husband.
"I'm cold.
"Get up.
"Change that thermostat.
"Change it. You're a man.
You don't have to sit here freezing."
And so I did.
I got up.
I went over, and I turned the thermostat.
Came and sat down.
Felt much better, 'cause I'm a man!
That's what's important.
Get up, change it!
lt started to get warm.
And she came back. . .
and stuck her head in.
And she said, "Aah!"
The children heard her,
because I heard them say, "Dive! Dive!"
And she looked at me, and she said,
"Did you. . .
change the thermostat?"
And I just stared at her
because I wasn't afraid.
And she said, "I'm talking to you."
And knowing that I'm a man,
and with the strength of being a man,
I said to her, without fear,
"I. . .
have not left this chair."
'Cause I'm a man.
But they know that they own us.
Oh, yes.
I was asleep,
having a nightmare.
A snake was crawling
on my left heel,
and it's gonna bite me.
I'm gonna die.
And in the nightmare, I was afraid,
and I wanted to reach down, grab it and kill it,
but my arms were paralyzed,
and l-l couldn't move.
And my subconscious, I guess, said,
"Wake up, and you'll be able to move."
And I did!
And I woke, and I saw my wife.
She's holding my left heel,
and in her right hand
is a dead skin scraper.
And she kept yelling, "Hold still!
"I'm sick of this,
cutting my legs to shreds."
Another time, I was asleep.
Not a nightmare, just sleeping.
And all of a sudden,
I feel a sharp pain in my right nostril.
I open my eyes, and there's my wife's face right there.
She's holding six hairs.
"Why can't you see these?
"I am sick of looking at these things
"hanging out of your nose.
"Why can't you see these?
You breathe out, and they go out like this."
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
[cheers and applause]
[funky music]
♪ ♪
- ? Ah ha ?
- Hi, this is Robert Townsend,
and I'm sitting here with Mr. Cosby.
We're going behind the scenes.
You guys have just seen the concert,
and I'm just gonna have a conversation
with my hero, Mr. Bill Cosby.
First thing, it's an honor
to sit with you and to talk a little bit about comedy.
One of the first things I want to ask you
is about your work ethic.
We just--the audience just saw a special that you did
for Comedy Central, but what they don't know
is that you did two shows, two 90-minute shows.
Both shows had different material.
Talk to me about your work ethic.
You know, like, how do you do this?
- Well, this is 50 years,
and in the 50 years,
I started out
as a storyteller,
and I think it's very, very important
to take note that I didn't know what I wanted to do or be.
I didn't even think about being in the business.
If I did think about being in the business,
from my birth time, and let's say, age four,
listening to the radio-- never was a TV set--
- [chuckles]
- And on through life, I loved to listen to comedy,
but I never thought about becoming
a person on the radio.
I never went to a show.
I never had money to do anything like that.
And if I did have money, as in shining shoes
at age 9, 1 0, 1 1, going downtown, to come back,
I know that I gave
that money to my mother,
so I didn't go to the Earle Theater
to see a band show or any--
I never saw those things.
I'd heard about comedians,
but I didn't know
how to get into show business,
and I never wanted to.
The first step of importance was writing.
I was in remedial English at Temple University,
because I had scored 500, total SAT score,
so they put me in remedial everything.
- Whoa. - Didn't make any difference.
I was happy to be in college,
because I was going to become
a physical education teacher
for boys in seventh and eighth grade public school.
Freshman remedial English,
the man asked to write a composition
about the first time I'd ever done something,
and that, in fact, was the first time,
since I was 1 1 years old,
that I set to do something
and not give up on it,
but continue until it was completed.
And I wrote a piece,
wanting to be different.
- Ah.
- I picked the subject of pulling my tooth.
Pulling my tooth.
And I went back and forth to the mirror,
and I wrote this composition, turned it in,
and as an underachiever
who never turned papers in or anything,
when the professor turned the papers back to the class,
I did not get my paper,
and in a way,
it was sort of like,
"Well, yeah, I'm kind of used to that,"
you know, 'cause I'd lied so much about it.
You know, "You must have lost my paper."
So I just kept thinking, well, maybe it really--
it really happened this time.
But he kept my paper, and he read it to the class.
Oh!
And I felt good.
I was surprised.
But it still didn't--
it didn't push me to show business.
- So all of this came out of that one professor
giving you confidence, once you wrote that paper,
to read it out loud.
- Two of 'em. - Two of 'em.
- The first paper, then the second paper.
So now, I don't-- I'm not--
I don't have the courage to be a performer
because I don't know how to get into show business.
I am funny, but the people who are telling me I'm funny
live in Philadelphia.
They live in my neighborhood,
and none of them are in show business.
So they're saying, "You know, you're really funny.
You need to go into show business."
Right.
Walk right to New York,
go up to Ed Sullivan's office, and say--
- "I want to be on the show."
- Ed Ford said that I should be on your show.
Right.
So I took the material.
I had a manila binder.
And I went down to a place called Colombo's,
and they had a singer and a comedian.
So the singer and the comedian,
and I showed my stuff to the comedian.
And I showed my stuff to three different comedians,
and I was discouraged each time,
but they all said the same thing.
They read the material,
and then they said, "This is not funny."
And then I said, "No, let me show you how to do it."
And then I did it for them,
and then they said, "It's still not funny."
So I get--
I have this job bar tending.
Now, tending bar, I am telling
somebody else's jokes.
I'm doing Lenny Bruce's white collar drunk.
- Ah.
- I'm doing Lenny Bruce's part of the Palladium.
I'm doing some
of the 2,000-year-old man.
- Mel Brooks and--
- Carl Reiner. - Mm-hmm.
- And by the way,
that record freed me up.
And listening to Jonathan Winters--
I did not do Jonathan Winters,
but it freed me up--
the Carl Reiner 2,000-year-old man--
it freed me up that you didn't have to do--
- Joke, joke, joke.
- I'll never forget the day I was born.
I cried like a baby.
I don't have to do that, and I don't have to do
what managers and agents are saying about,
"If you don't get 'em in the first 30 seconds,
you're dead."
I now know
that if I'm going in a certain direction,
as long as they know or have a feeling
that this is--
the payoff is here, and I deliver it,
then it's fine.
And so as a bartender, I would exchange jokes.
Dirty jokes.
Tell a guy a great dirty joke that I'd heard,
and the guy would tell me, and then,
from time to time, while tending bar--
it's a small, small bar called the Cellar Bar--
I would then do a piece of my own.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto.
There was a white English couple who loved me,
and they came back from Greenwich Village
and told me that there's
a place called The Gaslight,
and they had spoken to the two owners,
and they wanted me to come up.
I went up, I auditioned, and they gave me the job.
$60 a week, six days a week,
from 8:00 to 4:00 in the morning.
I am as happy as I can be,
because this gives me a place to work.
- How many shows did you do between that time?
- I don't know, because this is
my job description--
to break up the monotony of the folk singers.
- [laughs] - So in a way, I was the MC.
I wrote a piece. . .
called, uh, I think it was,
like, Christopher Columbus or something,
and it was about the slaves
and being on the plantation and. . .
how they became very, very tired
of people stealing their songs.
- [laughs]
- And so one slave,
he says, "I'm not taking this.
"I'm going to town,
"and I'm gonna tell that Stephen Foster
"he's stealing our songs.
He's not giving us credit."
And all the slaves said, "Don't do it."
And he went down, and he said,
"Listen, Stephen Foster, I'm telling you now,
you're stealing our music, and you're stealing--"
And they strung him up so fast,
and that was the end of the routine.
So from what I'm understanding,
the racial things I'm doing are story things.
They're not the funny things of,
"Get in the back of the bus," ha ha ha.
The racial things I'm doing at that time
have to do with being on the Quantico Marine track team,
and the bus stops,
and nobody's really cognitive
about the fact that there are three black--
or four black men on the track team.
So they stop in Virginia, and they--
and all of a sudden, the people say,
"No, you have to stay here,
you can't go,"
and so they send us around back.
This is a routine, which is the truth.
But around the back, what they don't know,
is that there are black people working back there,
and these people say, "What are you all doing?"
We say, "Well, they sent us back here,"
and, man, we got hamburgers.
They were this thick, the sandwiches
and the fries.
And our food came from the back.
These black people were giving us these--
and we got on the bus,
'cause we're not allowed to eat in the restaurant.
We got special milk shakes. Man, we got fries.
And the guys who had eaten,
little cheeseburgers, you know,
and these are athletes.
They'd say, "Where'd you get this food?"
I said, "Aw, man, you know, racism is horrible."
So some of these things--
I remember, I wrote this piece--
I'm just now remembering, and it went like this.
And you gotta remember, this is, like, 90 people.
They're all college people and stuff.
It's 1 962.
And I said,
"There's a lot of stereotyping going on."
There's not-- nothing funny yet.
You see what I mean? - Uh-huh.
- I said, "Yeah, people will say that Negroes--"
that's what we were in those days is Negroes,
before The New York Times defined us again--
- [laughs]
- I said, "Negroes love watermelon."
And I said--all of a sudden, you know, like,
this is funny to white people
that we eat watermelon and we love watermelon.
I said, "I'm gonna tell you what it has done to me.
"I love watermelon. lt tastes great.
"Sweet, cold, juicy watermelon,
"and if you don't get me something to spit the seeds out,
"I may swallow 'em, or I may spit 'em out.
"lt doesn't make a difference, but I love watermelon.
"But the stereotype has me so uncomfortable,
"that I take my watermelon, I slice it,
and I go in the closet."
- [laughs]
- "And I eat it in the dark, in the closet."
And that was the routine.
So that's the kind of work I was doing back then,
mixed with the writing of Noah,
mixed with finding out
how to make something funny in particular.
lt is interesting,
and it is still the same way I work.
- Let me ask you a question.
Let's talk about a chunk that you did on the show.
The fencing routine that you talk about
when you're eating the cookies--
How do you craft a chunk? How do you craft it?
You know, do you consciously look at it and say,
"Okay, I'm gonna--you know, I'm gonna order the cookies,
"and then I'm gonna get the cookies,
I'm gonna put two in my mouth."
Do you think through the chunks and the rhythm
as you craft the chunk?
- Yes.
- You think through every-- every--
you know, like, you--
- Robert, I'm a storyteller.
The idea is funny
that husband and wife compete
after a while, and,
"Did you do this? Did you not?"
Wives already
know you,
so like a great lawyer,
they already know the story.
Husbands already know the wife,
and they already know when she
is ready to accuse,
and he also knows
what most guilty people know.
Well, not most, but what all guilty people know.
They know more than the person asking the question,
and that makes them stumble while they're lying,
because they're busy getting rid of--
So this competitive thing--
mixed in all of it, once again,
is to touch
the human beings--
- Mm-hmm.
- Make them identify, and, Robert, at the same time,
those who don't have
the experience,
to draw them in
so that they will laugh as well.
Maybe not with the same smile
as the people who know the experience
and are feeling the experience,
because they live it, but to put laughter in those
who are innocent bystanders, so to speak.
- Mm-hmm.
- Because people
may not have a cookie thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- They may not have
a "sitting in a restaurant, dueling with the wife,"
but they also know
that if you're married long enough,
there's that competitive thing.
- But let me ask you a question.
You're out there without a net,
and you are crafting a routine in front of an audience.
ls it you trusting your instincts,
or do you just go into-- what's the term that you use?
You just go into your he-- I mean, how do you look at it?
You know what I'm saying?
Because you went full-out with the fencing,
but you had never done it before.
- No, but as any comedian would,
there's a way that you play, because, look,
here's what I'm doing.
I'm thinking
all the time,
and I'm thinking--
I mean, athletes do the same thing.
You come down the court, you got the ball,
you pick up the whole thing of where everybody is.
You see people cutting, and you also know the play.
You know what you're going to do, and bam,
all of a sudden, you either shoot, you pass, or you do--
and you cut--you go about--
So with the audience,
it's the same thing,
only there's a feeling-- don't go there.
Now come back on to here. Okay, try that.
But it also has to do with,
as Milton Berle used to say--
and he loved to do that to people--
"What's the most important thing about comic timing?"
You know, and he would do that to 'em.
When you see Bill Cosby himself. . .
- Mm-hmm.
- Where the tie-- the knot is this big.
That's the only thing I want to fix.
There's a thing that is probably
one of the most important pieces,
because people repeat it to me,
and they start singing. . .
♪ Dad is great ♪
♪ He gives us ch-- ♪
I ad-libbed that whole thing.
- Are you serious? - What is wrong with you?
- [laughs] - You never used to talk like--
I ad-libbed it,
because, look.
The audience is with me,
and when an audience is honest
and I get the feel, as we all do,
whether you're an actor or--
or a singer, you get the feel,
and you don't have to pump 'em up.
That's what I like about what I do.
I don't have to tell 'em, "These are the jokes, folks.
Come on, come on."
I do it with feeling,
and then I say,
"Do I want to do this? Do I want to do that?"
I'm always thinking, I'm always moving pieces around,
I'm always listening, and then I can also,
as you say, you say, "Without a net."
No, I've got a net. - Hmm.
- I've got a net, because the net is,
I feel this is funny.
- And you trust your instincts that this,
wherever you go, you can take an audience there,
if you believe it.
- I mean, I j-- one of the things--
even my first time coming out,
planting my feet,
with Allan Sherman introducing me
the first time on The Tonight Show,
first time--
I'm only in the business maybe about seven months--
- Wow. - And I had planned to do Noah.
Well, when I went out for rehearsal,
I said to the director,
"I'm gonna-- I'll be right here,
"and I don't think there's anything else that I'm gonna do
that's a surprise for anything."
And in those days,
comics weren't jumping all around.
Maybe Charlie Callas. . .
- Mm. - But--
So I'm behind the curtain,
and I'm starting to get nervous.
And this is my first time,
and I'm just wondering
if I'm gonna do well and et cetera, et cetera.
And Allan Sherman starts talking
about this new kid and so forth and so on.
And they open the curtain,
and I think Snooky and Clark Terry
were the only two black fellas, and, uh--
in the orchestra.
I walked out,
and I think I may have asked for Stralght, No Chaser
by Thelonious Monk as my theme song.
- Mm, was it-- this is before Dick--
Dick Gregory was just coming on the scene?
- No, Dick was big. - He was doing--
- Dick was making about $5,000 a week.
- 'Cause he did Jack Paar. ls that what was part of the--
- Dick was doing everything, man.
And Dick was working the Basin Street East,
$5,000 a week.
Mister Kelly--I mean,
that was a huge price, man. - Wow.
- I mean, the only people you have over that
is, like, Earl Gardner and Ella Fitzgerald
and Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Wow.
- So I walk out, and I look,
and this--and the audience is there, and I look at them.
I'm supposed to do Noah.
And I said,
"I want to talk to you about karate."
- [laughs]
- And the people laughed,
and that took the chill off.
I don't know to this day why the change,
unless I didn't want to take a chance. . .
on something like Noah,
which has--it has energy and stuff, you know,
sawing and looking up at God, but there's a lot of time
between God and-- you know, it's a lot of space.
And with karate, I can move and do things.
But what happened, I think,
after examining this thing for some 50 years,
is that these people are 9 7% white.
They've not seen Negro comedians
talk about much of anything except to the back of the bus,
to the "Where you going?" - Mm.
- Racial things.
And they expected, I think--
- You to go to that same well.
- Right.
And when I said karate. . .
- [chuckles] - They just released.
And I did the karate about-- and it was a--you know,
a--it was a big hit.
- Did they freak out at The Tonight Show
because you're doing-- you're not on script?
Like, he's not doing what we-- - No, they never bothered me.
They never bothered me, because--
I mean, I just had a feeling
that I couldn't do anything super fast,
so the camera would--[grunts] you know, like that.
- Right. - So I always--
I've always had this instinct.
- ls that what-- you know, as a comedian,
is it really about trusting your instinct
all the time as a comedian?
I mean, like, you know, like, you love jazz.
So is there something connected
to jazz about the fluidity of it?
You know--you know what I'm saying?
- You can go with all the instincts you want,
but if your instincts are pushing you
in the wrong direction--
- [groans]
- You know, you really have
to understand feeling.
There is a connection with the performer,
every performer and the audience.
Singers, I don't know how they get it
because there's so much of the band behind 'em.
- Mm. - And they're out front,
and then the-- there's an ending, ta-da!
And people are listening to their songs and doing something
that comedians really would rather not have the audience do,
and that is singing along with you.
- Right, doing your punch lines.
- Before you get there, you know.
But it is hope
and telling something,
and I will tell you
that in my 51 years,
I have had
some great answers
from the audience, unsolicited.
When the 7 4 7s first came out, they were landing in Las Vegas,
and I--I guess I had--
I had something that was a funny idea.
And I think it was about the fact
that it cost them $63 million,
but could not back up.
- [chuckles]
- That you had to get
a $3,500 truck to come and pull a 63--
And a woman very--
well, she was loud enough for me to hear her.
She said, "And it doesn't have a horn."
- [laughs]
- And I repeated that, and it was a great laugh.
- ln the shows that we did,
you have a rhythm with the audience,
and you know how to move that audience any way.
Talk about that.
How do you--how do you do that? How do you--
- lt has to do with the storytelling.
For instance,
when I open the bottle
to put this cologne. . .
- Bernadette, yes.
- Into the bathwater. . .
I said to the people
that this was a bottle of-- and they jumped me.
- Old Spice.
- The first time I ever did the routine, they jumped me.
I didn't even know they were gonna jump me.
I said, "There was a bottle of--"
and they went, "Old Spice."
And I said, "No, I told you, it's got flags and boats."
And I said, "Canoe."
Well, after that, I left that space in.
- So you knew the rhythm.
You said, "Oh, there's always gonna be this rhythm there."
- They're always going to respond
with "Old Spice."
And they have, every time.
It's got-- "So I pulled it down,
"and it has flags and boats on it,
and it's called," and it comes back.
And I said, "No. No, and you need to be quiet."
- [laughs]
- Then,
I am not responsible.
I didn't know it was gonna happen,
but I know I'm gonna pour all of the cologne into the water.
I didn't know they were gonna do that.
You understand? - Wow.
- And I did like that, and they went, "Whoa!"
Now I've got to go
with what they're doing
because I'm doing comedy.
- So you're always listening to the sound of the audience.
You got to listen to where they're going, and it--
you allow it to shape-- it shapes the chunk?
- lt shapes where you're going,
yes.
lt shapes how long you can stay.
For instance, how long can you stay pouring?
Now, in that piece,
I still have not settled.
Still,
after doing Bernadette
for maybe two years,
I still have not settled on
how to really tell the joke. . .
about the burning.
- [laughs]
- Because there is a good line there,
and I did it once, and it--
I didn't feel natural with it.
And I'm not--
I think the reason why I don't really do it
is because it does go-- it's--the word is jock rash.
And with a piece like that, and I think this is
about as Cosby as it can be,
to make up my mind,
do I need
the laugh from jock rash,
or should I just play it?
- Ah. Ah.
- And so I went to athletes' feet.
- Let me ask you.
ln terms of tone of material, in terms of language,
you've never crossed that line.
Do you ever get an inkling to go,
"I may want to cross it a little bit,"
because you kept it--you always keep it tasteful and funny,
but you never cross that line.
Does it ever enter your brain?
- Well, you need to leave out tasteful.
There are times
when I've had moments--
see, you can--
you don't have to use profanity to be in bad taste.
- Ah. - You remember.
I think
if you have children, they all take you
through some kind of bad taste jokes.
And they don't have profanity in them,
and they don't have the exposure of sexual parts,
just bad taste.
- Mm.
- And if I do it. . .
I may be trying something
and know that I'm-- this is in bad taste.
And I may do it.
It's when it comes back to me that
a person will write a letter,
and they sound
very honestly disappointed. . . - Mm.
- That I did or said, and I will examine it.
- So you really do take, you know,
whatever letters or comments come in, emails, Twitter,
and think about, if somebody says,
"Hey, that joke did this to me."
- I remember
I was in Greenwich Village,
and after the show--
this is the one I did from 8:00 to 4:00 in the morning,
and a bunch of us--
and I was the only black one--
would get together,
we'd go back and sit in the coffeehouse.
And this is when I was doing the Christopher Columbus
and Stephen Foster and eating the watermelon
and then interspersing some very funny things
that had just, you know, connection.
And there's one white boy,
he appeared to be very, uh. . .
jealous or something,
'cause I had lines around the block.
And he said something that was very untrue,
but it still registered with me.
And he said, "You know, if you turn white tomorrow,
you wouldn't have any material."
Well, for me, that was a challenge of my intelligence.
- Wow. Wow.
- I mean, just ba-- but it's the same thing
as when people come up to somebody, and you got an "A,"
and they--they want to-- "Well, you know,
the reason why you got that is affirmative action."
- Right, instead of just, you're just funny.
- They don't--you know, some of them are just jealous.
I took George Carlin's routine.
George Carlin did a routine
about Bart Starr
doing a commercial,
and he used
Bart Starr's Southern accent.
I loved it.
I took that routine, and I recorded it.
I did not give George Carlin credit.
The routine on the album became very, very popular,
and it was called Little Tiny Hairs.
And that was the line that I put--
and instead of whatever it was that Bart Starr was doing,
I had my guy
doing a razor commercial.
- I want to ask you a question
about Lenny Bruce
and when Lenny Bruce started to change
and use, you know, different language onstage.
Was he a game--was that a game changer for comedy?
Did it change it?
- Yes.
But Lenny fell
to something else.
I mean, first of all, Lenny was what they called hip,
so Lenny would take on
these social political events.
He had a thing
that was very, very funny for me.
And it was--
it was called "how to make your colored friends
comfortable at a party." - [chuckles]
- And it was, in fact--
He would bring in this black fellow,
and he would be--
Lenny, of course, would be the white half-drunk guy.
And he'd see guys--and the-- and the white guy
would start to mention all these. . .
black or Negro performers,
you know, to make the guy feel comfortable.
And I turned it around in Greenwich Village.
I never--I never recorded it,
but I said to my audience,
"Lenny Bruce has this routine."
I said, "But you know, I've seen it work
"at all-black parties
and you have one white guy there."
And I said, do you--
black people introduce this guy,
and they start, you know,
doing things to make him prove,
you know, that this is the hippest--this is--
this brother-- you know what I mean?
- [chuckles]
- And they start talking about food
and can he dance and do all of that.
So--and it was very, very funny.
But Lenny--
Lenny started to--
Lenny forgot
or didn't care that the laughter
was the important thing, and so he stayed.
He started to read the papers.
- Mm-hmm, his trials.
- Ah, and people would come to see him.
But I just thought in those days, it was--
it was just horrible and stupid and egregious
that people knew he was gonna curse.
So he's at the Village Vanguard, and people are sitting there.
And it was not even sold out, man.
It's a pretty nice-sized crowd.
I'm in the back.
Lenny comes out, and he says, "What's happening?"
And he says a four-letter word.
And three people stand up and make a demonstra--
"This is--I've never heard such a--" and they walk out.
Hey, man, you knew the man was gonna use that.
And then, of course, the taking him out
and putting him in the van and all of that.
- Let me ask a question about your drive.
What drives you?
Why do you--you know, like, in your 7 0s,
you're still doing hundreds of dates every year.
What drives you?
- The fun of coming out,
looking at them.
First of all, at the age of 7 5--
7 6, July 1 2th--
That these people,
husband and wife, children,
boyfriend, girlfriend, they are there,
and I'm. . .
putting across
what I have
to serve to them,
and they are enjoying it.
And I blend with them,
and--and I-- I just feel one--
my wife is always saying to me,
"Well, did you get a standing ovation?"
I never paid attention. - [laughs]
- I never paid attention.
I go around the back of the chair.
I pull the thing up, and I get the water,
or I take the mic off, whatever, and I walk out.
I know the lights are up, and the music is playing.
So. . .
if I think of something
and it's funny,
my wife is
an anthropologist
in terms of listening to me.
She wants to know where I'm going with this.
- [laughs]
- So there's not much fun
trying to do that.
- So let me ask a question.
This comedy special,
I looked in the audience,
you know, as the director of the show,
and I see a cross section of people--
white, black, Asian, you name it.
Young, old, you know.
- Let me thank you, first of all,
because of what you said.
I want to thank you because you said a cross section
and you never mentioned the green people.
- [laughs]
- Did you ever notice that when people talk to you, say,
"I don't care if you're red, black, green, or--"
Just wait, wait, wait.
Now, who are these yo-ho-ho, green gi--
No.
You know, so I just want to thank you for that.
Go ahead, the cross section.
- No, but the cross section,
I mean, what is-- I mean, everybody's laughing--
young, old, you name it.
What is it?
How do you-- how do you look at your comedy?
- The same way Jerry Lewis
performed in his movies,
and you got Mom, Dad, the kids.
And the same way Buster Keaton
performs in silence.
It's the form of the storytelling.
- Well, here's my final question.
What is the legacy of Bill Cosby?
When it's all said and done, what is the legacy?
What do you think?
What have you-- what have you been
on this planet doing all these years?
What is it?
What's the legacy?
- It's a difficult thing.
I don't--I don't th--
There's a friend of mine.
His name is Bunky Rhodes. Bunky's 84 years old.
We played basketball together.
And, uh, we're having dinner at my house.
His wife is sitting next to him.
Bunky's sitting here.
His daughter and son-in-law and I'm there,
and Bunky, his birthday, 84th birthday is coming,
and he's like this.
And he keeps saying,
"Man, I have had a great life."
Now, after about the 1 5th time saying this,
I said, "Bunky,
"will you please shut up about you,
about having a good life?"
And he said, "But I have had a good life."
I said, "Yeah, Bunky, but just leave it alone.
lt was a great--"
He said, "But I may go any minute."
And his wife said, "But he never does."
- [laughing] - So I--
You know, legacy, what's on your tombstone,
I don't think so, man.
All I know is right now,
the name on the marquee,
the name on the newspaper, wherever, the blog,
Bill Cosby,
and it's 7-something,
8-something.
It's, "Okay, here we go."
Come out the hallway. I do not delay.
A guy will come back and say,
"We need to hold for traffic and stuff like that."
"Okay, man, but let's go," and I walk out.
There's not even a rush.
I walk out, and I look at 'em, and I hear them.
And I reach down, and I pick up the mic.
I put it over the ear, put the thing in the pocket,
and I sit down, and I have--
from that point,
I have no idea
what I'm going to say.
And the guy said to me one time, he said,
"Well, do you have a plan?"
I said, "Yes, my plan is, I don't have a plan."
But I do know
that I'm not gonna say something
if it isn't feeling funny here first.
Now, the other thing--
See, I don't practice.
I don't go to the Yabba-Yabba Club.
"Sir, Bill Cosby's coming to Yabba-Yabba Club."
- You know, comedians were asking me that
'cause they were--'cause they knew I was directing.
They was, like, going,
"Well, where does he work on his material? Where does--"
- Right. - So how do you--
- Well, if you go back
to where I started, it was in the bar,
started talking to people in the bar.
I've already got stuff that's funny, and I'm listening.
And so now I've moved from the bar
to Greenwich Village,
and I'm breaking up
the monotony of the folk singers.
So I come out, and I do things,
but I always know
that I'm not gonna try anything out.
If it's funny to me, I'm gonna give it to you.
- Wow.
- Now, there is something for your comedians.
When ad-libbing,
when you have a great-- or a number of great ad-libs,
and I would say-- on a great night,
I don't care who you are, Robin Williams or what,
the most in one hour would be,
maybe 1 2% is ad-libbing-- ad-libbing.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
When ad-libbing, when you come offstage
and you remember that you let go
with one, two, three, maybe even a whole,
like, paragraph,
don't send that part. . .
out again
without the support
of how it got
to be that ad-lib.
- Mm.
- Because so many times, man, in experimenting,
I would come out,
ad-lib something, and say, "Okay, man."
And I didn't know.
And I would come out, and then the--be talking
and--and here, there, and bouncing all off,
and then I would say the thing that was--
and it was nothing there.
And so that's when, going back up to the room,
I then understood.
You can't bring an ad-lib out
without the support of what came before it.
- Hmm.
So it's feeling the energy of the audience,
then you kind of dissect it
because you're kind of a student of comedy,
so you're looking at it from all sides.
- But all of the comedians who care,
whether male or female,
the ones who really care
know that it's from the mind
down to these fingertips,
and from that point,
it's your style.
See, my style comes from watching,
sitting in a Chinese restaurant by myself,
getting ready to go to the Cellar Bar
to work as a bartender and looking
across the restaurant and seeing a table
of nine people laughing hard.
And the fellow telling the whole thing
didn't sound
like a professional.
What he was was a friend.
And he was telling something,
and the women were laughing so hard,
they put napkins up to their faces like this, so--
I don't know what that is.
But then somebody would repeat, "And then you did this."
"Yeah, then it was--"
And I said, "That's--there's the style
I want to go with my writing."
Identification and a style
that I care.
Last but not least,
inculcated. . .
professional education.
Always keep it there.
Education, education.
- Final question.
- You said that--
- I know, it's been a-- it's been a few final questions.
[laughs] Here's the last one.
What advice would you have for young comedians?
You know, because, like, at the show, you know,
the, uh-- the Comedy and Magic Club
brought out 20, 30 comedians to sit,
you know, three rows in to watch you perform.
What is your advice to this next generation of comedians?
What would you say to them in terms of, you know,
success and longevity?
- Do your best
to feel funny,
and do your best
to bail out when you feel not funny.
If you don't feel funny, don't say it.
- Mm.
- If you feel funny, say it,
and remember,
if you can,
the patrons
have come to see you.
You have the power
to have them feel good,
and that's what comedy is about.
Don't be afraid of smiles.
That's--that's a wonderful piece of information
because an awful lot of the new comics--
and I did the same thing--
go out, man, to destroy.
[snores]
- [laughs]
This is Robert Townsend, signing off.
Thanks for buying the DVD and checking out the show.
Again, sitting with the legend.
Thank you for all the advice, Mr. Bill Cosby.
- This is a special of my comedy.
So I really want it to meld into. . .this thing.
This thing has a strength to it.
- lt does, right?
- lt can be what is coming out of
as you guys work together and feel.
And that makes the excitement.
Let's put it in the booth.
- [humming]
[playing funky music]
- Ooh! - ? La, la, la, boom ?
? La, la, la, boom ? [humming]
[upright bass intro]
[all playing funky music]
- Ah!
♪ ♪
Now that's exactly what I'm looking for.
Um. . .
- Okay, uh, just leave 'em on the table.
- The cowbell--
Let me hear you doing something with the shakers.
See what happens with the shakers
instead of the cowbell.
ls there another musician around maybe can do the cowbell
that I don't have to pay?
[laughter]
[playing funky music]
- I think we can roll on this.
♪ ♪
Here we go. Yeah! [sustained note]
[upright bass playing]
[percussion enters]
[electric guitar enters]
♪ ♪
- Ah, ha!
♪ ♪
[whistle]
♪ ♪
- Okay, stop, stop, stop! Stop!
Okay, that was-- That was terrible!
[laughter]
No, that was fantastic, man. [laughter]
- Hi, this is Robert Townsend.
We're going behind the scenes with Bill Cosby.
- Hi! I'm Jeremy Asuncion. - And I'm Jacqueline Lehr.
- Hi, I'm Deana Becker. - Hi, I'm Chelsea Morgan.
- And we're students at the Cal State Northridge
Film Production option.
- We are here today shooting the back scene--
[record scratch] back sc--
back--Bleh. - Behind--
- The behind-the-scenes footage
for Bill Cosby's Comedy Central special
Far from Finished.
- Take a look at what we shot. [laughs]
- Thank you.
- Why do you keep laughing? - [laughs]
- 2 4 years ago, I produced the behind the scenes
for Bill Cosby's film Ghost Dad.
So tonight is special in that my students now
are running all the behind the scenes
for the comedy special.
[upbeat music]
Mr. Cosby has this great commitment to education.
Education coupled with on-the-job experience.
So the experience the students are getting tonight
working on a professional production,
uh, it doesn't get any better than this.
- Mr. Bill Cosby-- the man, the legend,
The Mr. Raw Talent himself.
What more can you say about this iconic guy
in television history?
- Mr. Cosby and I have been friends for many years.
He's been a guiding light, you know,
because he believes in education,
he believes in helping,
he believes in students and the next generation.
- I love the fact that Bill Cosby
is so passionate about education.
Students benefit so much from their experience in school
and outside of school.
Today, we are taking this experience
and putting our hands on and in the film entertainment industry
and getting so much out of that.
And the fact that Bill Cosby is letting us
participate in such a way
is really, really powerful and impactful.
- Knowledge is power, and that's a message
that he lives, he breathes, and he preaches.
♪ ♪
- It's really great to have all these students here,
because a lot of times, you get to hear about the theory
and think about it in a classroom.
And then when you get the chance
to come and put it into practice
and see all the different elements
that go into it and be a part of that,
it kind of brings it all alive and makes it exciting.
- My group is actually shooting the B-roll footage.
A few behind the scenes,
capturing different things from the crew setting up
to everyone getting prepared
for Mr. Cosby's performance later on.
- What makes this experience so valuable to me
is that I get to take textbook information
and classroom information and lectures
and turn it into real-life practicality and experience.
- So on show day, we go through a brief rehearsal
with Mr. Cosby onstage.
[laughter]
- It's like working with a 1 2-year-old kid.
He just makes you laugh. He's a lot of fun.
He's just genuine.
And he's been in the business such a long time,
and he still has a big, beautiful heart.
- I was actually surprised because we're all, you know,
filming him onstage, rehearsing.
And then he said, "I wanna meet all of these students."
And we're like, "Absolutely."
He had us each individually shake his hand
and tell him what we were interested in
and inspired in.
- What?
- To meet Bill Cosby, let me tell you,
that was such an amazing opportunity,
because not only is he just an icon,
this gentleman is a legend.
I grew up watching his show.
He was kind and endearing and funny, very genuine.
And it was inspiring as a student.
- And, uh, it was a really great moment
and something that I'll definitely remember.
- See, I'm a people person. I like talking to people.
So it just fits well what I'm doing today.
I'm gonna be interviewing people.
So I, uh, ask questions regarding
what impact Bill Cosby has made on you.
- I've learned a lot from him.
He's always very positive
and has some kind of moral in his story.
- Just to be around the man-- he's a legend.
A living legend, - He is a legend.
- Bill Cosby has the gift of making people happy.
- Bill Cosby, we love you.
- We love you.
- Thank you for giving me
many years of laughter.
- Thank you, Bill.
[funky music]
- It's show time, and this is the real deal.
And I must applaud Mr. Bill Cosby
for allowing all of our students to be a part of this production.
[cheers and applause]
- Today was an awesome experience.
- lt was really an honor. - lt was fabulous.
- lt was great.
- lt was a chance to meet an icon and a legend.
- Mr. Cosby understands the importance of education
not only to know your skill better,
but even to just learn how to work with each other.
- He brought us together with laughter, and--
which I think is the best thing to bring people together.
- Just a phenomenal person.
- He is the most genuine person I think
you could ever meet in this industry.
- ln this business called show,
it's rare when you have, you know, true heroes
that, you know, walk the walk, talk the talk.
And I think, uh, onstage, offstage,
he is a class act.
- His life has just been nothing but giving to everyone.
- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
[cheers and applause]
- This has been a CSUN production.
[laughing]
[upbeat music]
[cheers and applause]
- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
[cheers and applause]
- Just absolutely wonderful. - Phenomenal.
- He's funny, and he's cool.
- lt was amazing. I loved it.
- [imitating Fat Albert] Hey, hey, hey!
[laughter]
- I loved it. lt was really amazing.
- The show was absolutely fantastic.
My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.
- [imitating Fat Albert] Hey, hey, hey!
- Bill Cosby's an amazing storyteller.
- You sit around, you listen to him,
and then all you do is just hold your sides.
- Bill Cosby has the gift of making people happy.
- I love laughing, and he makes me laugh.
He's just the best.
- Watching Bill, you get to see a true craftsman,
and you see how he structures his show
and how he makes it so that you just have an amazing time
and you feel like everything's
just coming off the top of his head.
- You know, I love when he tells stories about his childhood.
- Brought back a lot of memories
of what we had to go through when we were growing up.
- He nails it, how you feel when you're that age
and going through that, and he just hits it dead-on.
It's awesome. - He's clever.
- He's this really wise guy.
- Going to the dentist,
and he couldn't feel his bottom lip.
He got a shot.
- Parenthood, and he was talking
about waiting with the catching mitt
to catch the baby.
- "I brought you into this world,
and I can take you out." - Hey.
- Hey!
- He appeals to families.
- It's a family-friendly show,
and we can enjoy it together as a family,
and there's something in there that's fun for everybody.
- Great dad, you know? Hip, really hip dad.
- He reminds me of my dad.
- For me, as a parent, it was-- I mean, it cracks me up.
- A great parent,
and I got some of my lessons from him.
- I've learned a lot from him,
because watching him on TV and all his television shows,
and just he's always very positive
and has some kinda moral in his story.
- So clean and so refreshing, but it's so funny.
- When I heard it was Bill Cosby,
I was excited. - Yeah.
- Because I knew it was gonna be good.
- She threw me her money. - [laughing]
- So--To go. Threw me her money.
- He really cares for people, and he has a heart. . .
to make everybody happy.
- He embraces life just like you'd embrace it yourself.
- lt was the best show, and he still has it at his age.
He still has it.
- He's still got it.
- And he just gets better and better.
- His comedy is priceless and ageless.
- His material is timeless.
- Legendary. Legendary.
- The legend, you know?
- Just to breathe the same air as Bill Cosby
is a special thing.
- Just to be around the man-- he's a legend.
A living legend. - He is a legend.
- Bill Cosby, I just wanna say
that me and my friend here are a huge, huge fan of yours.
- Bill Cosby, we love you.
- We love you.
- Great job.
- Bill, I wanna thank you for everything.
- Thank you for giving me
many years of laughter and happiness.
- Thank you, Bill!
[cheers and applause]