- Subs created by: David Coleman. - [Music]
One week till our sweet 16.
After four years of being apart, we are finally together on our birthday.
Yaysies!
I know! We get to blow out our candles together again.
The three Rooney girls, together again and ready to...
♪Party! Woo woo woo, party! I said now party!
Don't turn around. You don't want to know what Mom's doing behind you.
I don't need to. I can feel the desperation on the back of my neck.
All right, fine. Guess I'll just save my moves for the par-tay!
Back that party up over here, Care Bear.
- Here we go. - [Vocalizing, chanting]
♪Left left left, to the right right right...
Anyway.
So for our party, I had a few thoughts.
[Squeals]
I had...
A thought.
Ahem, okay, so I'm thinking red carpet, designer gowns,
we enter cirque-du-soleil style, spiraling in on silks.
[Squeals]
I'm thinking peanut shells on the floor, steaks the size of our heads,
we enter hungry-man style in our casual eating pants.
Ahem. Maddie, this is our big 1-6. It needs to be epic.
I know! And I'm thinking epic.
There's this new Cowboy-jail-themed restaurant, The Hoosegow...
Wow! Ha ha.
We have very different ideas of epic.
You know what's epic?
Mini-golf birthday parties!
They worked for years for you two.
- Ages six to 11, done! - Yes yes, Dad's right.
Maddie, you loved it because it was sporty.
And, Liv, there was a Castle, so you could dress up like a Princess.
And I loved it because you two were together celebrating your birthday.
So, Rooney girls, let's get ready to...
♪Par-tay! Woo woo woo, party! I said now party!
Mom! Mom, Mom.
Stop.
Hater.
As fun as mini-golf was, we are turning 16 now, so...
We can plan our own party.
So let's just talk this out because nothing's been set in stone.
Liv, I picked up the silks for your epic party entrance.
Epically bad decision to bring them home on my bike.
The silks have already been ordered?
You've already planned our entire party, haven't you?
Well, it's not like I could leave it up to you!
I mean, casual eating pants?!
Spiraling in on silks?!
You're being impossible!
Ugh, I wish we could just have separate birthdays!
- Ugh! - Ugh!
A little help?
[Theme music playing]
♪Better in stereo.
♪B... b... better in stereo.
- ♪ I'm up with the sunshine. - Let's go.
- ♪I lace up my high tops. - Oh no.
- ♪ Slam dunk. - Ready or not.
♪Yeah, show me what you got.
- ♪ I'm under the spotlight. - Holler.
♪I dare you, come on and follow.
♪You dance to your own beat. I'll sing the melody.
♪When you say yea-ah-ah.
♪I say no-oh-oh.
♪When you say stop.
♪All I want to do is go, go, go.
♪You, you, the other half of me, me.
♪The half I'll never be.
♪The half that drives me crazy.
♪You, you, the better half of me, me.
♪The half I'll always need.
♪But we both know.
♪We're better in stereo...
[Music]
My twins can't have separate parties on their sweet 16th.
So while you two were at Maddie's basketball game...
I came up with a "mompromise".
[Giggles]
So take a look.
Dazzleberry!
Awesome!
Hold on, you haven't seen the best part. Turn around.
[Gasps]
Two themes, one party.
- It's a red carpet rodeo! - [Feedback crackles]
Hey, why isn't this thing working?
So, Maddie honey, you wanted to go to The Hoosegow.
So we're gonna have a Western barbecue right here in the house.
- Joey. - Mom, I don't want to say it.
Oh, come on, say it.
[Weakly] Yee-haw.
[Laughs]
And, Liv, you wanted a cirque-du-soleil, red carpet gala.
I bring you Parker-azzi!
Liv Rooney, Liv Rooney! Who are you wearing?
[Laughs]
Boom boom boom!
Send. [Squeals]
Mom, this is great! And I think we're halfway there.
The half that doesn't look like a barn. So...
I think we should clear out these hay bales and, uh, ooh, all the barbecuey stuff.
And I just really want to, you know, class this place up, you know?
I think we're gonna bring in some French Contortionists...
Liv, why are you throwing out everything that I like?
I thought this was our party.
Honey, it's time to come clean.
- [Sighs] - We've kept the secret for too long.
No, Pete! I'm not telling them...
- [Mic clicks on] - They were born on separate days.
♪Camptown ladies sing that song, doo-dah doo-dah.
This karaoke thing works great.
Who's next?
- What did you just say? - We have different birthdays?
Girls, your Mother and I have something to tell you.
Go ahead.
Liv and Maddie, the day you were born was truly the greatest day of my life.
Well, that feels nice.
But it was actually the "days" you were born.
You see, Liv, you were born on the fifth at 11:56 P.M.
But, Maddie honey, you were born...
At 12:02 on the...
Sixth.
But the whole reason that five is my lucky number is because I was born on the fifth.
I'm a five.
Apparently I'm a zero.
Wait, so Maddie's never celebrated on her actual birthday?
What kind of parents are you?
This is preposterous. I say again preposterous.
If they can do this to her, what does that mean for everybody else?
Am I six? Am I 11?
I could be nine!
- Hey. - Hey.
Maddie honey, I am so sorry.
Every year your birthday would roll around and I would just get so excited
at the two of you sitting together blowing out your candles.
Then why did you use those trick candles that didn't blow out?
We wanted the moment to last forever.
Plus a joint birthday party is double the fun.
It's also half the work.
See, I'm trying to be completely honest with you from now on.
Don't try and be funny. I'm still trying to be mad at you.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing.
You know, when you and Liv were little, you were inseparable.
As your Mother, it just felt wrong to take that special day away.
Are you seriously trying to take credit for being a good Mother right now?
Yes, I tried to slip that in.
Now just tell me what you want to do for your birthday
and your Father and I will make it happen... sky's the limit.
Okay, there is a budget. See, I'm trying to be totally honest.
Thanks, Mom, but...
Honestly the last thing I feel like doing right now is celebrating my birthday.
I don't even think I want to have a party at all this year.
And I'm sure Liv feels the exact same way.
Well, think about it.
In the meantime I made your favorite dinner; Chicken pot pie.
Okay, I didn't make it. It was frozen from a box.
Woo, the truth really will set you free!
Okay, everyone find a seat.
Maddie's off on a jog, but I bought us some time.
She always jogs till the end of her play list so I added six songs.
Hey, Joey!
- I got a spot for you right here. - [Groans]
I am going to say yes because I am scared to say no.
Okay, you are all here because you are Maddie's best friends and family
and I want you to help me to throw a surprise party for her.
You have to keep it a secret.
I know that won't be a problem for you two.
[Breathily] Mom said Maddie doesn't even want a party this year.
Also I cannot feel my ribs.
I can!
Maddie says she doesn't want a party, but I know my sister better.
This birthday shocker has knocked her for a loop and we are going to fix it.
- That's very sweet. - We'll do anything to help.
Of course you will. You're totally on the hook for this.
Well, I'm in. I want Maddie's sweet 16 to be as amazing as it can be.
- Careful. - Right, sorry.
Willow, Diggie, Stains, I want you to take Maddie to The Hoosegow Saturday night
while the rest of us get the house ready for the party.
Don't bring her home until midnight though,
because that's when her actual birthday begins.
Oh, midnight? Isn't that awfully late for a party?
You mean like...
16 years late, Mom?
Midnight party... fun.
[Squeals]
Hey, Mads, what are you doing?
I am turning all my lucky fives into sixes.
Turns out the first 15 years of my life I stuck fives everywhere.
[Laughs]
[Bitterly] Everywhere.
Identity crisis... I can relate.
I remember the tough transition from Joseph to Joe to Joey...
With a brief stint as baby "J".
Then ultimately back to Joey.
- Wasn't there a J-Dog in there somewhere? - Do not bring that up!
Okay.
Maddie and Joey Rooney?
Character from my nightmares?
Delivery.
"You are cordially invited to the cirque-du-soleil
red carpet gala celebrating the sweet 16 of Liv Rooney".
Liv's throwing a party for herself?!
The invitations pretzel-butt was handing out
were for a fake party to throw Maddie off the scent.
My job was to twist the knife ever so delicately.
[Whispers] I have a gentle touch.
- [Sighs] - Wow.
Liv took this whole birthday scandal a lot better than you did.
A lot better.
A... lot.
I can't believe she just dumped me to do her own thing!
Yeah. Does that make you mad?
I bet I'd be mad.
I'd be, like, really mad.
You know what?
If Liv's throwing a party for herself, I'm throwing a party for myself.
- I'm going to The Hoosegow. - [Slams]
Oh okay, here comes Maddie. Remember we have plans on Sunday.
Hey, guys, do you want to go out for my birthday?
Hoosegow on Sunday, what do you say?
Can't, we have plans on Sunday.
What plans?
I... I've got a, um, uh... a drum circle.
[Chuckling]
Washing my ferret.
Book Club?
You're in a Book Club?
Sure. Yeah, you know, every month we pick a book and then...
We watch the movie and talk about it.
Well, we're available Saturday.
Saturday? Aren't you guys going to Liv's party?
Not invited. Guess we didn't make the cut.
Liv's loss... we're the cool kids. [Sniffs]
Liv's throwing a party for herself and she didn't even invite my friends.
You know what?
I am free Saturday. I'm going to The Hoosegow.
Yes!
Snap! The jaws of my traptastic plan had closed. [Giggles]
Maddie hated me, hello...
♪Best sister... ever!
[Squeals]
[Music]
There you go, little lady.
Now you are welcome to as many return visits
to the salad bar as you want at The Hoosegow.
But only under the watchful eye of the law.
"Watchful eye"? Hardly! I filled my whole purse with baby corn.
Don't mess with Sheriff Tim, Willow.
He's packing ketchup and mustard.
Dude, whatever Liv is doing at her stupid red carpet party
cannot be nearly as cool as this.
I mean I'd much rather be at a place where you
can throw your peanut shells on the floor.
And rib bones.
Am I not supposed to do that?
Always the lady, Stains.
Always the lady.
[Triangle rings]
Ooh, guys, they're gonna arrest someone again.
You are under arrest!
Cattle rustling, stagecoach robbery!
And spitting in the presence of a lady.
All: Ooh!
- Lock him up! - All: Lock him up!
[Laughs]
[Phone ringing]
Oh, I gotta take this.
This is jailhouse one. Over.
- Diggie, how's it going? - It's great.
We're just about to order dessert. She doesn't suspect a thing.
Dessert?! You can't be on dessert already. It's barely 10:00!
You need to keep her out of the house until midnight.
I mean, yeah, I'll do what I can, but I didn't expect
service to be this fantastic at a restaurant like this.
Diggie, I am trying to do something nice for my sister.
Do not make me regret trusting you.
The fate of my plan rests on someone named Diggie.
- We gotta stall for time. - Not a prob.
Stains is doing the rotisserie chicken stockade challenge.
[Chomping]
Willow: If you can eat a whole chicken in under an hour, you get a free T-shirt.
[Laughing]
Come on, come on, come on!
[Panting]
Wipe.
Uh, you know what? Let's just hose you off when this is over.
A one-layer cake? Really?
You think that's gonna make up for 16 years of fibs and fraud?
I was going to put little purple frosting flowers on the corners.
That will impress... no one.
Well, I suppose I could do a few more layers.
Oh yeah! Maybe one for each year you lied.
Wow, this mini-golf course actually looks pretty good.
I'm glad someone's paying attention to what Liv's trying to pull off.
- Let's see the windmill spin. - Oh, it doesn't actually spin.
Yeah, no, it's decorative, like the treadmill in Mom and Dad's bedroom.
Are you kidding me?
A crummy cake and a non-spinning windmill?
Liv is trying is recreate the mini-golf parties of Maddie's youth.
And if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right.
I guess we could take apart one of my remote-controlled cars
and use the motor from that to make it spin.
Yeah, we could do that. We can also play duck, duck, goose.
Am I the only one that cares?
We could take apart the riding mower and use the motor from that bad boy.
Now we're talking.
Birthday magic, monkeys. Let's go, let's go!
Where are you going?
It's already two hours past my bedtime.
If I don't take a nap before the party, I'm going to be a real cranky-pants.
Good job, Stains.
I have never been more impressed or disgusted.
And you know you didn't have to eat the bones to win the shirt, right?
When I commit, I commit, man.
We hear it's your birthday, little lady.
Uh, it's not my actual birthday till midnight.
Well, blow out the candle. It's somebody's birthday.
Go ahead, Maddie, make a wish.
Guys, I can't.
Sheriff Tim was right. It is somebody's birthday.
It's Liv's.
And the only wish that popped into my head was that...
I wish we were blowing out our candles together, so.
That's so sweet. Let's get you home right now.
Uh... [laughs, claps]
Get up.
Well, are you sure? We've...
- Barely been here for four hours. - [Bell ringing]
You are under arrest... cattle rustling.
Wait! You're arresting the wrong bandit.
This girl here, she's the cattle rustler.
Yeah, man, lock her up!
[Chanting] Lock her up, lock her up!
- Lock her up! - Maddie: Guys!
Guys, let me out! I need to get to Liv's party before it's over!
Good move, Diggie.
I'm smooth under pressure.
There's a new Sheriff in town and his name is Diggie and he's the meanest Sheriff on..
[Shouts]
We're outta here.
Well... go! Maddie, wait.
Mr. & Mrs. Joey and Willow Rooney.
[Groans]
It's midnight! Seriously, Diggie, 16 wrong turns?
And I've never heard of that law that says you have to go 5mph past a graveyard?
That's just showing respect, man.
Wait a second, I don't hear music.
And the red carpet is rolled up. You guys!
I missed Liv's birthday!
Su...
Upper was really great at The Hoosegow.
Where is everybody?
Surprise!
We missed saying surprise. Are you kidding me?
Happy sweet 16, Maddie.
Wait, this is all for me?
- Where is your red carpet party? - Oh. [Laughs]
There was no party. I totally played you.
Don't feel bad though, I am a day older.
[Laughs]
Diggie: Ahem.
Hey, remember us, the people you were screaming
at the whole way past the graveyard?
You guys were all in on this?
Liv, mini-golf?
It's just like old times.
We got so wrapped up in which kind of party we each wanted that...
We forgot the best part is doing it together.
♪Someone made you a cake!
[Liv squeals]
Guys, a basketball cake?
This is amazing.
16 layers of butter-cream and guilt.
Mama's done her time. We're moving on.
Now the Rooney girls are ready to get their...
♪A-party on, a-party on.
♪Whoop whoop, their party on.
♪Party on, whoop whoop...
Maddie: Ahem! Mom, Mom.
We've forgiven you. You can stop punishing us.
Maddie, we even got you a number six jersey,
because we figured you'd want to change your number.
Actually I've decided to stick with the number five.
That's the day my best friend was born.
So, Liv, come over here. Help me blow out all these candles.
Uh, okay, one sec. I want to get a video of this.
I think I left my phone in the garage when I was grabbing decorations.
Video? Then we've gotta have the windmill going.
Dad, turn it on.
- Guys, I love it. - We did a good thing today, boys.
See what happens when you listen to Parker?
[Loud whirring]
That thing kicks up quite a breeze.
- Karen: Oh no, the cake! - [Splats]
We have to turn this thing off!
Don't worry, birthday girl, your hero is here.
[Electricity crackles]
Hey, superhero...
The plug's right here.
Whoa.
Oh, nice work on the cake, Mom!
[Mouths]
[Music]
Oh, hey Parker, check it out.
Liv got us a present for helping out with the party.
It's nice to be appreciated.
Surprise!
[Shrieking]
Dude, that was awesome. Nice work, pretzel-butt.
Up top!
Yeah!
Hey, can you fit in my underwear drawer? I want to freak out my Mom.
Follow me!
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