You guys have kids. What... what's the age
at which you're like, "All right,
you can see a rated 'R' movie."
You know, that's... there's sophisticated rated "R,"
and then there's, like, exploitive rated "R."
Like, I Spit On Your Grave, or something.
- They can't see that. - No.
But they can see The Godfather?
They can see, like, an Oscar-winning rated "R" movie.
Yeah, at what age though?
- Um, 16. - 16?
16, I think, is a good age, right?
Uh, I was eight.
- My dad... - Eight?
Yeah, I was eight.
My dad came up to me, he was like, "I know you like the army.
I know you like military." He took me to the deer hunter.
- Whoa. - Ho ho!
Now, an Oscar winner.
Yeah, it is an Oscar winner, but, boy, is that disturbing.
"Sig mao! Sig mao!" [Laughter]
We stayed through the whole thing.
You must have had that 1,000-mile stare
as you walked out of the theater.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, "I went through the war."
[Laughter]
[Dramatic music]
♪
sync by Loxforl www.addic7ed.com
Hello and welcome back
to another episode of Comic Book Men,
the only show that never watches the Super Bowl,
but can name every Super Friend. I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
Okay, men, big week, little week, what happened?
Sometimes, something comes in the store that makes you go,
"I can't believe that this stuff ever existed."
- How you doing? - What's up, guys?
Guys like Dukes of Hazzard at all?
- Dukes of Hazzard? Mm. - Yeah.
- Little show from the '80s.
Yeah, I remember it.
I have what I like to call "Duke's Gold."
Dukes of Hazzard... Watch.
Quality.
I do have more.
Wow. Dukes of Hazzard calculator.
A.M. radio. I can't get it to work,
so it probably needs a little bit of help.
- Geez. - Man, oh, my goodness.
Remember this from when you were a kid?
Have all your Matchbox cars in there.
Oh, yeah.
I only have one of those and one of the radios.
Oh, my God. Don't tell me you got more?
Oh, there's plenty.
Oh, he ain't even down to the bottom.
The Dukes of Hazzard I.D. Set.
Like, fake badges?
- More? - Bring it on.
Breakfast in bed in Hazzard county.
For Friday night, watching Dukes.
And then, the last item I have is a kid's backpack.
Dude, I could carry my important papers in this.
[Laughter]
The Dukes of Hazzard holds a really special place
in your heart, huh? Obviously?
I enjoyed it growing up, but I really... I love the car.
The car is what it was all about for me.
Were you a Dukes of Hazzard fan?
I s never really a Dukes fan, probably because
the only character I could look at and relate to
was a man of size, and it was Boss Hog.
[Laughter] I didn't look at Bo and Luke
and be like, "that's like me,"
because they could slide across the hood of a car,
but when I tried it, bam! Busted hip at age nine.
[Laughter]
Do you have to sell it all,
or could I just pick a couple items?
You can pick and choose whatever you like.
If you just want some of this and some of that...
let's all pick something that captures your fancy.
- I like this, right off the bat. - I like the calculator too.
I'm going to have to go with the I.D. Badge too.
You know he's going for the fake I.D.
- Mike? - The watch.
Oh, yeah.
- Bryan? - Broken radio.
- The broken radio? - [Laughs]
Maybe I can fix it. You don't know.
All right, let's negotiate, my friend.
I would put that in at $60.
All right, so we're talking $60 bucks for this...
- Yes. - For this little pile
- of trinkets. - That little pile.
I don't know.
35?
I can't.
40?
40.
Would it be worth ten for you
if you stuck with the 50
and I took you for a ride in the General Lee?
What, you... you got the General Lee here?
Right out front.
- The General Lee, man. - It's the General Lee?
- Come on. - Yeah? 50 bucks?
You guys in?
- Yeah. - Okay, all right, all right.
- Let's do it. - Very good.
You got a deal.
Go get your Daisy Dukes on.
[Laughter]
Oh, ho ho. [Chuckles]
- Oh, yeah. - That's awesome.
That is kick ass.
Wow.
Tell me the doors are welded shut?
At 27 years old, I'd have welded the doors shut,
but at 47 years old, I'm gonna break a hip.
Look at that, the compound bow from the Dukes of Hazzard.
You had to get every detail right.
It's got the series correct color of the car,
buckskin interior, C.B. Radio.
- You got moonshine in here? - And dynamite.
Oh, no way! [Laughter]
- Oh! - That's great.
Hells yeah. [Laughter]
[Goofy laugh]
- Wow. - This has got to get you
in trouble when you get pulled over, though, right?
- They're road flares. - Whoa, careful with that.
They're road flares,
- so this is legal too? - Yep.
If you're doing a list of the important cars,
the memorable super cars if you will,
from movies and television,
general Lee is right under the Batmobile.
What else is there?
Kit, from Knight Rider.
- Definitely. - Bang.
- Magnum P.I.'s Ferrari. - Absolutely.
Black Beauty.
Yes. Green Hornet, Black Beauty.
The Flintmobile.
The Flintstones car?
That had a name? The Flintmobile?
[Laughs] It sure did.
Do you think anybody tuned in to the Flintstones going,
"I can't wait to see the flintmobile."
[Laughter]
It looks like the passenger vehicle version
of a steam roller. [Laughter]
So where did you get this car, man?
I bought it about 16 years ago.
It was an old rickety garage, right off of route 130,
and I paid him $100 a week for 15 weeks.
I definitely consider myself lucky,
and I'm glad I did what I did with it.
All right, well, you remember the deal.
$50 bucks for the calculators, the watches, the bag,
and a ride in the general Lee.
- That was the deal. - All right, man.
- Shotgun. - No, that...
- I'm overriding that, bro. - What?
I'm the boss. I'm Boss Hogg.
[Laughter]
So that means that we've had the Batmobile at the Stash,
and now, the General Lee.
Maybe we get Herbie the Love Bug next?
Oh, that would be awesome, man.
Imagine us driving around in Herbie the Love Bug?
- How dope would we look, man? - Pretty dopey.
[Laughter]
I got to admit, it doesn't look as macho
as I thought it was gonna look, you guys all jammed back there!
[Laughter]
[Honky tonk music]
[All cheering]
[Horn playing dixie]
[Laughter]
What you got? Ho!
Are you telling me you got this book for a dollar?
- Yes, sir. - Oh.
[Tires screeching]
- How you doing? - Good.
I'm looking to, hopefully, sell some comics today.
All right, what you got?
- Couple Spider-Mans for you. - Ho!
First appearance of Green Goblin.
- Yeah. - I also have something else
if you want to take a look at it.
Ooh, book ends.
Amazing 122, death of Green Goblin.
Uh, it's not in bad shape.
A little creasing right here, Mike,
a little rust on the staples right there.
We get this one in on a somewhat regular basis.
Follows the death of Gwen Stacy.
Not a bad-looking copy.
I definitely would have an interest in this book.
This one is a little bit harder to come by.
Very key issue, first time the Green Goblin appears.
You know where the grease pen thing on here is?
- You know where that's from? - Not really.
Wonder... who would write that on there?
This is kind of like the mystery of comic books.
Like, you know, why did someone write number 5 on this?
Those are the things that haunt me at times.
What kind of an idiot are you?
[Laughter]
This was the only appearance
where he actually had, like, a broomstick.
Those are the bristles of the broom?
It's like a high tech for the '60s broomstick.
So he's, like, a super awesome witch.
- Yeah. - All right.
Green Goblin, of course, is Spider-Man's greatest foe.
He's kind of Spider-Man's Joker.
I think he's even more heinous than the Joker.
I mean, he killed his first love, Gwen Stacy,
and years later, Spider-Man found out
that Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin, had an affair
with the young Gwen Stacy, and got her pregnant.
[Laughs] That's insult to injury.
- [Laughter] - Well, that's why
I say that the Green Goblin trumps what the Joker
has been able to do to Batman, because, yeah,
Joker killed Robin, but at least he didn't impregnate him.
[Laughs] Yes, well...
not yet. That storyline may be to come.
[Laughter]
Where'd you get 'em at?
This one I picked up when I was a kid.
My dad bought it for me.
The first appearance,
a little mom and pop shop had just a box of comics.
Flippin' through 'em, and I don't think
they really knew what they had, 'cause I bought it for a dollar.
Oh.
Are you telling me you got this book for a dollar?
- Yes, sir. - I have dreams
like that nightly, of just walking into a place,
seeing a long box, and everything's a dollar,
and you have all these key issues.
I don't know how many times I've had that dream.
See, I have dreams where I go in,
and I find all those key issues, and I take a grease pen,
and just write random stuff on them.
[Laughter]
Much respect on getting that for a buck.
Really, you don't feel like
you should have told the old guy?
Mom and pop, that's why they're gone now.
Hey, man, caveat emptor goes both ways, bitch.
Mm, well, yeah, it's called "Caveat, then detour."
[Laughter]
It happens, I think, to every collector
at one point in their collecting career,
where you stumble across an absolute gem.
For me it was the Killing Joke.
Do you remember, we went into, like,
the three little bears comic book store,
and they had copies of the Killing Joke
two months after, still on the rack,
and, you know, this was, like, a $10 wall book.
So we were able to buy it for $2.95,
and we were like, "We got 'em by the short and curlies!"
[Laughter]
All right, what are you looking to get
for the two issues today?
Uh, I was hoping, like, $3,000.
$3,000?
The Amazing 122, in dead mint, is worth about $250 to $300,
and Amazing Spider-Man 14, in dead mint,
- about $3,500 dollars. - Okay.
These are not dead mint. This is worth about 300 to 350.
- All righ - And this one, $45 to $50.
You can now use that bag to throw up in, if you want.
[Laughter]
Um, I'll give you 300 bucks for both of 'em.
Could you do $350?
Um, 300 is about as high as I could go.
Uh...
- All right, I can do 300. - Do 300?
All right, man, you got yourself a deal.
All right, my friend, I wish you all the luck.
Thank you, sir.
- Thanks, man. - Nice meeting you.
Take it easy, man.
I bring you guys something,
a little something I like to call...
"My Little Pony."
Perhaps a member of the herd?
Yourselves? Anybody?
What other friendships are there in the world
of comics, like the Archie and the Jughead friendship?
Batman and Robin, clearly.
I got one, Luke Cage and Danny Rand.
- Oh, yeah. - Iron Fist and Power Man.
- Yeah, yeah. - You know, and that crossed
the racial lines and made kids who, you know...
realize that, like, "Everybody can be my friend."
Captain America and the Falcon?
Yeah, man, that's right. They teamed up,
so much so, that they're bringing Falcon
into the new Captain America movie,
so you're right. Good call, man.
- Rick Jones and the Hulk. - The Rick Jones and the Hulk?
I mean, would you really consider them friends?
I thought it was more like father-son.
And also, Rick Jones creates the Hulk
by being on the field where the gamma bomb goes off,
and then Bruce Banner has to push him in the trench,
and he gets the full blast,
so I would never make that guy my sidekick.
[Laughs]
He was for a long time.
That relationship didn't last, though.
How could it? [Laughter]
I mean, he's like, "every time I look at you,
I think about the worst thing that ever happened to me."
[Laughter]
Government finally acknowledged Area 51 exists.
I mean, yeah, it exists, but they're not admitting
to the fact that it exists because it houses
crashed alien starcrafts.
They're definitely hiding something.
You're one of those people?
You really believe that there's aliens?
Yeah.
So why on Earth is our government
keeping it from us? Why?
They don't want to cause a panic.
What kind of panic would it cause?
What would you do right now if you really found out
that an alien spacecraft crashed in Roswell?
I'd be preparing for war, if there was more...
- maybe more intelligent life... - [Laughs]
I'd rather be atomized by a martian
than to spend a minute in your bunker.
[Laughs]
Really, a little, like, 10x10 bunker, just you and Ming?
[Laughter]
No provisions.
I'll hang out with you in your bunker.
We'll set up a flat screen and we'll watch...
he's just looking for a freaking place to live.
That's all he's doing. [Laughter]
He's just setting it up right now.
He... [Laughter]
Hey, what's up?
- Just came in from Toronto. - Oh, really?
And I have something that I trust only you guys
- might be kind of interested in. - All right.
Let's open the box of wonder here.
- What do you got? - First off,
a little something I like to call "My Little Pony."
This is Derpy Hooves.
You brought these all the way down from Toronto?
You're seriously into... you're not joking around?
Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah. Adult fan of the show,
love the animation, love the humor in it.
Is that a tattoo of a pony on your arm?
Correct, sir.
- That's crazy. - Wow.
Do you guys know what a brony is?
Bronies?
Perhaps a member of the herd? Yourselves?
Anybody?
Bronies, yeah. They're talking
about dudes who are big fans
of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
It's a new show that's kind of revamped
the My Little Ponies of our youth.
- Not our youth. - Yeah.
[Laughter]
This guy, he had a tattoo of My Little Ponies.
No, he went as far as to get inked?
- He got inked. - Like, shouldn't you
love a cartoon for ten years before you put
a tattoo on your body?
Like, I used to love Hong Kong Phooey,
and if I would have put a tattoo on my body,
today, I'd be like, "This is... rip it off.
I'm so sorry. I was nine." [Laughter]
Yeah, I got into it when I was 30.
I'm 31 now.
And what happened? What was the spark?
It got me out of a pretty bad depression
a couple years back, so...
- Watching My Little Pony? - Really?
Yeah. This was my midlife crisis.
Some people buy cars, I buy little horses.
Let me tell you what worked for me.
You're familiar with the term "drugs," right?
[Laughter] Okay.
Geez, I know you came all the way from Canada,
um, but ponies, I mean,
it's not something that we could flip real quick.
- You got anything else? - I do actually.
Coming all the way from the land of Asgard,
I have this artist's proof Thor mini-bust
from the first movie with Chris Hemsworth.
Oh, an artist's proof.
Do you know what an artist's proof is?
Yeah, it's the one they send to the sculptors
to make sure everything, like, is as they sculpted it.
The only difference between this
and a normal Thor movie bust
is that little, handwritten, white zero.
All right.
Oh, so it's a Chris Hemsworth statue.
That dude's the perfect Thor, ain't he?
That dude's the... never mind the perfect Thor,
- he's the perfect man. - Whoa.
He's on my short list. You know, like,
that list, I got five people that I'm allowed
to have an affair with, if I ever meet 'em.
I put Hemsworth number three on my list.
[Laughter]
Would you let Thor hammer you, or what?
[Laughter]
All right, you know what?
You know, I love Thor, he's a God,
he's got the looks to back it up.
One thing I could never get past was that Asgardian dialect.
- Really? - Yes.
That would make it sexier for me,
if he was just like, "Take off doth thy pants."
You think you could handle that Mjolnir?
[Laughter]
All right, so how'd you get this?
I work in the media, and this was sent to me for review,
and sometimes I get some really cool and weird stuff.
- Oh, so you got this for free? - Yes.
Never should have told him you got it for free.
All right, so how much you looking for, for the mini-bust?
Everybody loves the Avengers right now.
Thor's doing really well in the books, as far as I know.
I'm thinking $400 or $500 is fair.
You think that you can get $400 for this?
I'm open to negotiations if you are.
I could probably get, I think, $200 for this.
- Okay. - So I'd give you $100.
Would you do, maybe, $125?
Because you're from Canada,
and at the Stash we love our northern neighbors...
So $125 and it's a deal.
All right, thank you so much.
Okay. Pack them up, sir.
I am looking for a Mego Star Trek playset.
This is awesome. This is exactly it.
Have you guys cast your movie yet?
Our movie, what our...
I mean, we've all done that, right?
I mean, cast our life story.
Who would play you? Who would direct?
Oh, I thought you meant me and Mike's leaked sex tape.
[Laughter]
Who have you cast,
and who do you want to direct the Mike Zapcic story?
You know what? I'd have Kirk Cameron play me, directed by...
Kevin Smith?
No, it's too obvious. How about John Woo?
That's what the people would be thinking.
[Laughter]
- What about you? - Oh, pfft.
I think I got enough chops to do it myself.
Self direct and star.
I think I've already seen your life story.
Didn't bum fights come out ten years ago?
Yeah, it was too hot for the masses,
so they took it off the market.
They spray painted me in my sleeping bag.
How you doing?
Hey, how you doing?
I am looking for a Mego Star Trek playset.
You're looking for the Star Trek Enterprise.
- We got that, Mike. - We do.
- Original. - Yeah.
- Let me go grab it for you. - Awesome.
- Here it is. - Nice.
The Mego Star Trek playset.
This is awesome. This is exactly it.
This is complete. This has all of these cards.
They're alien backgrounds for the view screen.
That's amazing.
They go up top, and it's got the working transporter.
That's cool
- And... - The instructions.
Mmhmm.
We say "complete" and it's complete.
Oh, I remember this.
It didn't look anything like the Enterprise.
No, it actually looked like my aunt's kitchenette.
Yeah, it was very tight.
The chair wasn't even the center of the piece.
It was like, you would imagine Kirk's chair would be
right at the center of the bridge,
but it was, like, kind of off to the side.
Yeah, yeah. And then you had the view screen.
You could put different things up there,
none of which matched the TV show.
It was like Star Trek in name only.
[Laughter]
So why are you looking to get this playset?
I broke my cousin's, but he leant it to me
when I was, like, six, because I was really sick.
What did you have?
I had Stevens-Johnson syndrome,
and I got it as a reaction to penicillin.
I'm allergic to penicillin.
- How did you find out? - I took some penicillin.
What happened to you?
I had third-degree burns from the inside out.
I got a bad skin rash, a really bad skin rash,
and my doctor said, "Don't ever give him penicillin again."
I had Stevens-Johnson's too?
You might have just had
a bad reaction to sulfa drugs.
I'm a survivor?
Right. Exactly. Exactly.
I always think of you as fairly invulnerable.
Shocked to learn.
Not in my youth, though.
My skin was a lot more sensitive.
I had a lot of allergies,
and for a while my mom considered
getting me a giant gerbil ball.
[Laughter]
Remember seeing the boy in the plastic bubble?
When you were a child,
that was the most terrifying concept in the world,
being sealed in your room.
It was horrifying.
It was also in a time when parents
didn't bother to tell you, like, "look,
"This is not gonna happen to you, this is not real.
This happens to kids like Walt Flanagan."
[Laughter]
I had to stay home for, like, two months,
and my cousin was the only person who could play with me,
because at the time, they thought it was contagious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
Your cousin was like, "I'll take the chance.
Potentially catch this disease." Wow, that's a good cousin.
I know.
That's love right there.
"Mom, do I have to go hang out
with cousin patent zero again?"
So you're gonna take this today, give it back to him,
and kind of, like, come full circle.
Yeah.
All right. Well, $150 for the vinyl play set.
Your cousin will be over the moon.
Um. Can you do any better than that?
$135.
I was thinking, maybe, a lot less than that, actually.
I have 96 bucks.
96 bucks.
He's touched you with the tales
of being allergic to everything.
[Laughs]
All right. I'll let it go for $96.
Just because, you know, us sensitive skin dudes
- gotta stick together. - Exactly.
You allergic to anything else?
As a result, I'm allergic to cats, dogs, trees.
- I'm allergic to trees too. - That's probably...
- what about oxygen, you? - [Laughs]
All right, man. See you later.
- Take care. Good luck. - Thanks.
And just like a birthday present,
that's gonna wrap it up for Comic Book Men.
- I'm Kevin Smith. - Bryan Johnson.
Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
All the world is waiting for you and the power you possess.
Good night, kids.