1
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:21,153
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,222
Â♪ Here I come
and I've got presents Â♪
3
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:27,393
Â♪ You just sit right there,
I'll bring it to you. Â♪
4
00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:30,396
Happy Hanukkah, Dad.
5
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,663
No, thank you.
6
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:32,831
You don't want a gift?
7
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,233
I'm at the point in my life
8
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,969
where I can no longer
fake excitement.
9
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,738
Don't worry, Dad, I don't
expect anything in return.
10
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,408
Good, then you'll love
what I didn't get you.
11
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,676
Look, I don't expect
anything from you, ever.
12
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,811
Nobody does.
13
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What? You think
I'm some kind of loser
14
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,649
who can't get gifts
for his family?
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,384
Sí.
Yes.
16
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,420
Edna, I got something
for you, too.
17
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,822
A new car?
18
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,425
No, I just changed
the locks on the door.
19
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,694
But I did get
you a present.
20
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,363
What is this?
It's a laptop.
21
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,397
ÿQue?
22
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,432
For the Internet.
23
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,266
ÿQue?
24
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,701
You can return it
for $1,500.
25
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,438
Thank you, Mr. Eli!
26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,705
ELI
Oh, uh,
27
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,408
and I got you something
from your wish list.
28
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,709
Is Magic Glo?
Yes.
29
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,044
The furniture
polish from TV.
30
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,946
The one I hear
Jimmy Smits uses.
31
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:24,116
Jimmy Smits!
32
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,328
Â♪ Daddy took me to the zoo.
33
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,133
Hey, what's wrong with you?
Why don't you have
34
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,469
a drink in your hand? On,
no, no, I got to focus.
35
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,071
Tonight is the one night of
the year that Veronica drinks.
36
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,372
Last Christmas,
37
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I got a long end-
of-the-night hug
38
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with an extra boob press.
39
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,479
That's good. Oh. Yeah. Guys...
40
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:56,381
guys, guys...
41
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:57,783
guys.
42
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,052
I don't always say this,
43
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:03,622
but you're good guys.
44
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,257
Toast!
Whoa!
45
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,892
Toast to the bosses!
46
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,227
Us.
Us.
47
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:11,096
Okay, uh, everybody...
everybody listen up.
48
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:12,764
We, uh...
49
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,766
well, we just want
to thank you all
50
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:15,968
for an incredible
year, really.
51
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,336
It's, um...
Yeah. Yeah, as you know,
52
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,104
we couldn't have
a Christmas party last year
53
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,440
due to all the protests
surrounding our last game,
54
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,675
O Kill All Ye Faithful.
55
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:27,579
tomorrow, thanks to all
of your hard work...
56
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:30,482
A- And the incessant pressuring
of the humorless chairman
57
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,484
of the Parents
Video Game Council...
58
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,520
That guy.
Yeah, we released
59
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:38,123
our first family-friendly
Christmas game,
60
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:41,326
Santa's Exciting
But Safe Ride.
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00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,628
Cheers, everyone.
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00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,631
Cheers.
Look what I unwrapped.
63
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,433
Whoo...!
64
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:51,470
Are you gonna move in
on that? Oh, no, no, no.
65
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:54,206
Not yet. She's still going
through the "I don't need a man"
66
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,208
stage of drinking
right now.
67
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:59,044
How many different
stages are there?
68
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:03,982
Uh, well, let's see, there's the
"Who has a cigarette?" stage, and...
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00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,551
normally that leads to
70
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:08,487
"My sister's wedding
was so beautiful!" stage,
71
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:11,356
and... finally,
the "You guys are boring,
72
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,893
let's go to a strip club"
stage, and...
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00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,296
that, my friend,
is where I swoop in.
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00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,463
Hey, gang.
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00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,666
Hey. Wow.
Look who I brought.
76
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,501
Wow, that's
Donald Harvey,
77
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,570
the head of the Parents
Video Game Council. Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,971
We were just talking
about you.
79
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,173
Hey, I thought
you hated us
80
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,475
and everything we stood for. I do.
81
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,177
But your father
told me
82
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:35,013
that you just created a new
family-friendly video game.
83
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,516
Mm-hmm. And I thought
that we could maybe
84
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:40,085
present him
with a copy personally?
85
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,521
Oh. Wow, Dad, that's
actually a great idea.
86
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:46,525
do you want us to sign
it for you? Please don't.
87
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:50,028
Yeah, we're a company
that values the family market,
88
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,864
and my son and I hope
that this game proves
89
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,767
just how wholesome
we can be.
90
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,536
Well said, Dad. Yeah.
Thank you.
91
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,870
Thanks for the
advance copy.
92
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,372
I'll keep an open mind.
Great.
93
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,107
All right, all right.
94
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,842
Let's go to a strip club...
Whoa!
95
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,781
Hey, Edna, take
a look at this.
96
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,283
What do you think?
97
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:14,786
It says "Eli," and that's
a drawing of a race car,
98
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:18,790
'cause 30 years ago, Eli said
something about a race car.
99
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,560
Is bad.
100
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,562
What are you talking about? People love
101
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,365
homemade gifts-
it's the thought that counts.
102
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,734
No. Is gift that counts.
103
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:32,437
You need to get a job
and buy something nice for Eli.
104
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,439
My last job was
at a pet store.
105
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,642
I left the heat on,
killed 30 birds.
106
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,711
I have job for you.
107
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,316
I'm not blowing leaves.
108
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,651
Okay.
109
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,487
I have other job for you.
110
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,498
So...
111
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,535
you have any experience
being urinated on by children?
112
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,572
No.
113
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,608
Well, you'll pick it up.
114
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:13,578
Rule number one:
No erections.
115
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:18,483
Leave it
in the parking lot.
116
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:22,754
When you're on my clock,
you're totally flaccid.
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00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,325
Done.
118
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,660
Merry Christmas.
You're hired.
119
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,464
Thanks for helping me
find a clean shirt.
120
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,700
Is everyone mad at me?
121
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:35,667
Oh, of course not.
122
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,470
And your sister's wedding
sounded beautiful.
123
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Just put your head
down on your desk.
124
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,509
Eli. Eli.
125
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,877
Isn't that
the programmer we fired
126
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,547
because he looks at people's
crotches when he talks to them?
127
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:52,351
I think it is.
What is he doing here?
128
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,652
I don't know.
You didn't invite him?
129
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,354
No. We fired him.
130
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,988
Yeah, that's weird.
Hey, guys.
131
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,890
Hey! How's it going?
Hey!
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00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,727
You mean since you fired me
a week before the holidays?
133
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,297
Yeah. It's going great.
134
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,348
S- So...
135
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:27,486
what are you doing here
at the Christmas party?
136
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,455
I brought you a gift.
137
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,376
Okay, are we done
talking yet?
138
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:57,616
Yeah, I inserted it
in the Christmas game for you.
139
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,851
Have a good one.
140
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,393
What did he mean by "gift"?
141
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,596
You idiots, he obviously
sabotaged the game somehow.
142
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,365
I thought you were drunk.
143
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:16,501
Asians have an enzyme that sobers
them up when money's at stake.
144
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,305
Guys, find out what
he did to the game.
145
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,440
Be thorough.
Look carefully
146
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,708
for anything that
could be offensive.
147
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,277
Anything penis-related:
testicles, foreskin,
148
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,611
grundles, pubic hair.
149
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,281
Anything boob-related:
cleavage, nipples, areolas.
150
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,783
Anything vagina-related:
clitoris, vulvae, hymen.
151
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,152
Anything anus-related:
butt cheeks, rectums, hard poop,
152
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:37,456
soft poop, diarrhea.
153
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,592
Uh, actually,
I'll take the clitoris.
154
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,260
You two could never find it.
155
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,829
Thank you. Ha!
156
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,630
Okay.
157
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:53,538
Did you find
anything?
158
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,454
I knew it.
159
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:12,190
Oh, no, you didn't-
it-it's much worse.
160
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,092
Well... how much worse?
161
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:17,028
Well, um, you know
how in the game
162
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,765
you hear the word
"Christmas," like, 8,000 times?
163
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,300
Yeah.
164
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,303
Well, um...
165
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,707
that-that word has
been replaced with a...
166
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,443
another word.
167
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:36,214
Well... what word?
168
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,949
I ca...
169
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,686
I can't say it.
Warner, tell her.
170
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,890
Uh, I can't. I tried to
as an experiment once,
171
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,892
and I passed out.
172
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,161
W- Well, write it down.
173
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,397
No way! No! No! Guys!
174
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,798
What is it?
175
00:08:56,869 --> 00:09:00,438
It's in a lot
of rap songs.
176
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:04,509
Okay, great. Thanks.
177
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,877
Guys, good news.
We're in luck.
178
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,412
The distributor
just got back to me.
179
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,714
None of the games have
been shipped. Oh, my God!
180
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,249
Thank God.
181
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,719
Except for the one
that we personally handed
182
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:18,957
to the African-American chairman
of the Parents Video Games Council.
183
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,694
What?! When did you do that?
184
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,696
When you were busy
waving your bra around,
185
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:28,099
yelling, "Who has
a cigarette?"
186
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,611
Warner. Warner.
187
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,946
What are you doing?
188
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:41,947
I'm packing my desk,
189
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,582
and I'm... going to the beach
190
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,684
and I'm gonna swim
out into the ocean
191
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,953
until I can't see land.
192
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:52,857
No, no, no, no.
That's the easy way out.
193
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,561
I know.
194
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:57,896
No, guys, no,
there's still time.
195
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,365
We have to get the game back
before he plays it.
196
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:03,468
Oh, that's a good idea
- let me just take my Gummy Bear vitamins
197
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,236
before we go, okay?
No, no,
198
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,405
he's trying to O.D. on the...! No!
199
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:08,473
Stop it!
200
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,042
Let me die! Let me die!
201
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:14,279
No.
202
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:20,885
Santa!
203
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,854
Stop screaming!
204
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,960
I mean, come on up on
Santa's lap, little boy.
205
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,061
There you go.
206
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,230
This is for you.
207
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,566
What do you want?
Xbox.
208
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:36,001
I don't know
what that is.
209
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,003
Next?
210
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,905
Whoa!
211
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:49,848
You can tell me
from there.
212
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,951
What do you want?
A new bike.
213
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,887
What, did the old one
kill itself?
214
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,958
Santa bring you new bike.
215
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,826
Thanks, Santa!
216
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,130
Okay. Now, you
ride it every day,
217
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:07,532
and next year, you'll
be sitting right here.
218
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,034
Off you go.
219
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,541
Your beard is fake.
220
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,777
So are your mom's boobs.
221
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,618
Easy-Bake Oven?
222
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,689
Okay, I'm gonna save you
223
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:33,958
a difficult conversation
in ten years.
224
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:39,064
Gay. Support him.
He's a nice kid.
225
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,034
Here you go.
Okay, off you go.
226
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,639
I don't want to be
his first lap dance.
227
00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:54,212
Yoo-hoo!
228
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,315
Yoo-hoo!
229
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,050
Stop it!
230
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,552
You've been knocking
for, like, 20 minutes.
231
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,820
He's obviously not home.
232
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,322
Yeah, if you "yoo-hoo"
one more time,
233
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,758
I'm gonna rip your tongue out.
234
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,094
Guys, I can see the game
on the table.
235
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,196
Oh, you've got to get it.
Okay, guys,
236
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,098
we're not gonna break
into his house, okay?
237
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,065
We don't have to break in.
238
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,034
You're so skinny,
we could slide you
239
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,736
under the door
like a hotel bill.
240
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:21,906
I'm not skinny.
I'm fat.
241
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,275
Oh, please don't start
this again.
242
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,443
You know, guys,
243
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,079
we are overlooking
the easiest solution.
244
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:33,318
Yoo-hoo!
245
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:37,122
Yoo-hoo!
246
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,093
Yoo-hoo?
247
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,902
It's so dark.
248
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,638
All right, Veronica, good luck.
249
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,073
What?! I'm not going in there.
250
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,307
It's your company.
251
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,642
I'm mid-level management.
252
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,077
Yeah, that's why
you're going in there-
253
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,445
because you're
mid-level management.
254
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,148
I'll go down for $1,000.
255
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:07,819
Okay, but first, we should solve
this chimney problem.
256
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,588
No. One of you has
to go down there.
257
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,657
And it should probably be
the one
258
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:15,827
who's really in charge
of the company.
259
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:28,006
She outsmarted us.
260
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,977
On the count of three,
wriggle, okay?
261
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,345
Okay.
262
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,348
One... two... three.
263
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,290
Okay, upper body
only, please.
264
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,092
Sorry. Sorry.
265
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,828
You want me to call 911?
266
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,963
And tell them
that we're stuck in the chimney
267
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,098
of the house we tried
to break into?
268
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:58,169
Yes, I think you
should call 911.
269
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:02,273
You just love
disagreeing with me.
270
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,508
What?
271
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,610
Yeah, if I had said,
"Oh, yeah, call 911,"
272
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,946
you would go,
"Uh, I don't want to call 911."
273
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,147
No, I wouldn't.
274
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,481
See, you just
did it again.
275
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,716
No, I didn't.
276
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,051
You just did it again.
277
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,552
Just give me a reason, buddy.
278
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:15,820
Just give me one reason.
279
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,889
Oh, make a move.
Oh, there.
280
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:20,825
There you go.
281
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,293
I got to tell you, Edna.
282
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,895
I can't do this
for two weeks.
283
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,898
But imagine look on Eli head
284
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,067
when you give him gift.
285
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,369
I think you mean "face."
286
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,905
You shut your nose and listen.
287
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:39,177
You sit down, you do the job,
and you smile.
288
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:43,214
I don't get how you can do this
and be happy all day.
289
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:46,684
Edna just think
about the children, the Santa,
290
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,186
the Christmas.
291
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,487
Also,
292
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,890
I drunk.
293
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,058
What do you got in there?
294
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,127
Come on.
295
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,331
Ooh, that's good
hot chocolate.
296
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:06,170
Okay, let's see.
Who's next?
297
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,272
Ah.
298
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:10,208
The Shining.
Come on up.
299
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,477
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
300
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,280
Oh, man, I'm so hungry.
301
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,681
Me, too.
302
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,517
Hey, guys, is this
the right chimney?
303
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,786
Yes, it's the right chimney.
304
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,354
You hungry?
305
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,122
Yes!
306
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,890
Yeah, me, too.
307
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,425
Listen, it's gonna
be all right.
308
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,094
I once got accidentally
made into a bed in a hotel,
309
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,363
and I was trapped
for six days.
310
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,399
But don't worry.
I have a plan.
311
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,900
Oh, no.
312
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:38,202
That was your plan?
313
00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:42,540
Well, I-I thought we'd
work it out mid-air.
314
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,443
Great plan, Dad.
315
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,744
Thank you.
316
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,212
Hey, don't get mad at him.
317
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,714
This is your fault.
318
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,249
Yeah, thank you.
319
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,583
What?!
320
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,751
All right, shut up.
321
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:54,986
Does anyone have a phone?
322
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,121
I do, but I can't get it.
It's in my pocket.
323
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,891
Veronica, you're gonna have
to dig it out for me.
324
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:01,326
I'd rather die in here.
325
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,827
I'll get it. I'll get it.
326
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,295
Really?
Yeah.
327
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,164
Oh. Almost.
328
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,333
You almost got it.
329
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,635
It's almost there.
330
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:16,174
Merry Christmas, buddy.
331
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,176
Merry Christmas, Dad.
332
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,411
He's asleep.
333
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,254
Of course, Santa loves
all his reindeer.
334
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,191
Rudolph, Johnny,
335
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,294
Dave,
336
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:38,296
Antler-head,
337
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,298
Pellet Poops...
338
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,202
Hold that thought.
339
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:48,773
Eli?
340
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,075
You what?!
341
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:57,482
Hi, Mr. Eli, Mr. Warner,
342
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:01,652
Mr. Crawford,
Miss China Lady.
343
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,389
Hi.
Hi.
344
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,157
Hola.
345
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,660
Okay, how do you want me to
help you to get out of there?
346
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,895
What are you talking about?
347
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,730
You knew we were stuck
in a chimney,
348
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,965
and you didn't bring rope?
349
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,300
What are you thinking?!
350
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:21,672
Oh, you're stuck in a
chimney, and I'm the idiot!
351
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:26,244
Yeah, well, he's kind
of got us there.
352
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,479
Hang on.
353
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:35,686
Okay, I'm lowering this cheap,
plastic belt down to you,
354
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,456
so don't pull too... hard!
355
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,566
Dad, why are you
in a Santa outfit?
356
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,701
It was supposed
to be a surprise,
357
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,871
but I got a job
to buy you a gift.
358
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,773
Happy Hanukkah, Eli.
359
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,576
Hmm. I... I can't believe it.
360
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,012
Thank you, Dad.
361
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,384
What is it?
362
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,454
Well... it was a goldfish.
363
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,893
Now it feels
like Christmas.
364
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,129
Ugh.
365
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:22,800
It's also for your birthday.
366
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,869
Are we gonna die in here?
367
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:28,272
I hope so. I'm done.
368
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,776
No one is going to die tonight!
369
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,379
Jimmy Smits, make me slippery.
370
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:12,283
Somebody say
something.
371
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,820
I've got, like, nine billion
more houses to hit tonight.
372
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,462
We... we are...
we are so sorry.
373
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:29,200
The-the game that you received
is-is not the final version.
374
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,302
So the game
I was supposed to receive
375
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,337
doesn't say
the most offensive word
376
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:37,008
in the English language
5,000 times?
377
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,344
Ah, you already played it.
378
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,612
Yeah.
379
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,348
If we could just
take our game...
380
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,350
and wish you a merry Chri...
381
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,452
a happy holidays,
382
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,354
and then go?
383
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,591
You've got some scary-looking
masks on your wall.
384
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:59,497
You know, I've hated every game
you guys have done,
385
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:03,501
but this time...
this time, I actually liked it.
386
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,369
You did?
387
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,138
Yeah. I mean,
the story was great,
388
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:08,873
the game-play was smooth.
389
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,908
The word didn't ruin it for you?
I mean...
390
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,910
I mean, I was shocked
and upset at first,
391
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,545
especially when Rudolph said it.
392
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,647
Ugh.
393
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,385
Yeah.
Yeah.
394
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,588
But then I figured, you know,
it probably was put in there
395
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,990
by some angry programmer,
you know, some guy you fired.
396
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,391
A crotch-starer.
397
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,426
Ah.
398
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,527
A racist crotch-starer.
399
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,562
See, I knew it was
something like that. Yeah.
400
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,830
Oh, yeah.
Well, the point is,
401
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,498
I'm okay with your product.
402
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,100
Wow. I...
403
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,535
I have to tell you-
your opinion-
404
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,869
it-it actually means
a lot to us.
405
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,504
Yeah?
Yeah, it does.
406
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:41,606
Yeah.
Well,
407
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:42,540
it's my wife
408
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,041
who wants to kill you both.
409
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,676
Your wife?
Yeah.
410
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,911
Hey.
Hey.
411
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,079
Hey.
412
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,780
Are these the racist
sons of bitches
413
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,749
who ruined our Christmas?!
414
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,085
You know,
your husband-
415
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,687
he black.
416
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:07,031
You know, you racist fools
need to learn a few...
417
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,566
Honey?
No, don't honey me!
418
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,735
Why would you let these
people into my house?!
419
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,737
These people?
420
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,672
Wow.
421
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,143
Ma'am, we're really
sorry if we have...
422
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:21,212
if-if we've... if we've
offended your peop...
423
00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:22,580
our people.
Yeah.
424
00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:24,148
Every people.
425
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,783
All people.
All the people.
426
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,951
Oh.
Yeah. All...
427
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,119
'Cause that
word is hurtful.
428
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:28,986
Yeah. Yes. Sí.
429
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:29,820
Hateful.
430
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:31,756
And it's our word.
431
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:32,957
Well...
432
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:33,958
What?!
433
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,426
Yes. Yes. Sí.
434
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,161
Yeah. Yes. Sí.
435
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,563
Now, you all get out of
my house before I show you
436
00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:41,632
how a girl from Greenwich,
Connecticut likes to party.
437
00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:45,436
Ooh.
438
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:48,572
Boy. White women. Am I right?
439
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,574
I'm so sorry.
440
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:52,677
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org