[Beep] It's time for Kimmie's year in review!
Yay! Starring me, Kimmie Boubier,
and featuring, from the other room
and from... the other bed in my room,
Marika and Helen-Alice!
- [Plays recorder] - Hi.
Self-taught, so...
I am not nervous.
So, the year so far has been pretty awesome.
Uh, what has been your highlights?
Not getting kidnapped.
Trying new things. For example, I ate papaya.
Good one. We're basically
riding the horse of life.
[Imitates horse trot, whinnies]
We're, like, so much cooler than what we were a year ago.
Now, this is really good for your tris,
[Grunts] your delts,
- your lats. - [Groans]
Let's take a picture and send it
to all our old high-school teachers.
Do you guys remember
- our first-ever super fun night? - Oh, yeah.
Uh, yeah.
When we went on that adventure to find that dead body?
Oh, that's the plot from "Stand by Me."
- Sorry. - That wasn't it.
- Sorry. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Um, we went out to that club... - Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah. [Vocalizing]
- Gosh, I remember that like it was yesterday. - Me, too.
- Yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. - Day, day, day.
- Yesterday. Yesterday. - Day, day, day.
♪ Don't stop me now ♪
♪ I'm having such a good time ♪ ♪ good time ♪
♪ super fun night ♪
Guys, tonight, I'm so getting laid...
on this body pillow. [Chuckles]
Guys.
Guys?
[All screaming]
Both: Surprise! Happy promotion!
- We got your favorite cake. - Serves 10.
- Mm, yeah! Thank you. - Oh, yay!
You didn't have to do all this.
I was fine just watching the "Murna Princess Warrior" DVD.
Man, next thing you know, dawg,
you're gonna be lady lawyer of the year.
Yeah!
Do you guys really think I could be
- the next Felicity Vanderstone? - Yeah!
Kimmie, you are the smartest person I know.
- And you're a good friend. - The best.
So please don't become too cool and leave us.
Hmm?
Okay, when my cousin got promoted to first flute
at the philharmonic, she dropped all her old friends.
She said that they were holding her back
from doing the things that she wanted.
Like sleeping with the entire woodwind section.
She was really into wood.
That's not gonna happen.
You guys have been my best friends for 13 years.
I'd do anything for you...
except for juice cleanses and having a breast reduction.
- Yeah, don't do that. - No. They are my best assets.
- You know it. - Even though it would help my low back.
- We hang out every Friday night. - * oh, oh, oh, oh, oh *
No promotion is ever gonna change us.
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Okay, good. [Laughs]
- * Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh * - All right, ladies.
- Here's to Friday night fun night. - * oh, oh, oh, oh, oh *
All: Always together, always inside.
This skirt... it's not, um...
it's not too tight, is it?
- I mean, it's a little tight, but... - I don't think it's too tight.
I just... I really want to go up there and be impressive.
Oh, shh, shh, shh.
There's not time for fear, honey boob boobs.
Let's sing the motivational song.
H.A... Two, three, four.
Both: * it's time to try defying gravity *
All: * I think I'll try defying gravity *
♪ And nobody in all of Oz ♪
♪ no wizard that there is or was ♪
♪ Is ever gonna bring me down! ♪
♪ I hope you're happy ♪
♪ Bring me...♪ Sorry... ♪ down! ♪
[Elevator bell dings]
♪
[Telephones ringing, indistinct conversations]
[Sighs]
[Chuckles]
Oh, my God.
Look, Murna, it's our new office.
[High-pitched voice] You deserve it, Kimmie.
You have excellent reading-comprehension skills.
[Normal voice] Thanks.
[Sighs]
Okay. [Chuckles]
Whew.
Let's kick some legal ass.
- [Fabric tears] - Oh.
Oh, my...
Richard: Alex?
- Alex? - Aah! Aah!
Oh, um, you're not Alex.
Sorry. Uh, oh, or are you?
I mean, the voice on the message was like...
[Deep voice] ... "Hey, I'm a man.
We should work out together at lunch." [Chuckles]
Oh, no. Um, I'm Kimmie. [Chuckles]
Sorry. I just came up from the 9th floor. [Chuckles]
Oh, congratulations. Uh, I'm Richard Royce.
I just transferred from the London office.
- Oh, I love London. - Oh, really? Have you been?
No, but I have been to several Renaissance fairs.
In the 1600s, my physique was
deemed very appealing.
Right.
Is that a limited-edition Murna Princess Warrior statue?
You're a Murna fan?
Well, I'm a fan of women in leather bikinis.
Especially if they've got a bit of chunk.
[Chuckles] [Laughs]
Are you all right?
- You appear to be tethered. - Um, no. No, I'm just, um...
would you mind passing me that stapler,
- actually? - Yes, of course. Ah.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
Uh, nice to meet you, Kimmie.
[Stapler clicks] [Chuckles]
Oh, um, I'm
having some drinks on Friday night
at the Maiden Club.
If you'd like to join us, then
- that would be great. - Oh. Oh, Friday.
I mean, if you're too busy, then I understand. It's fine.
Oh. Oh, no. I'd totally like to do you...
that... um, go... go to that.
Good. Good. Well, uh, I'll see you there.
I'm not good at parties.
I shouldn't drink, either.
I get all sort of dance-y and, uh, my eye goes gimp...
like that, which
you will probably see if
- you come. - [Chuckles]
See you there. Oh. [Chuckles]
That would be great.
[Grunts]
I hate to break it to you, Kimmie, but this guy sounds gay.
No. He's not gay. He's just British.
[Stapler clicks] [Groans]
Well, you definitely can't go.
We have Friday night fun night,
and this week I'm planning something really special.
Hey, Helen-Alice.
Guys, I got to go.
That really weird girl I was telling you about is here.
She's right behind me, and she can hear everything I'm saying.
Yeah, I can.
The girl who eats cat food?
All right, Miss Boubier, you ready for some fun?
Yes! Aah!
Oh. Oh, my God! Oh.
You're Felicity Vanderstone.
Oh. [Laughs] Yes, I am.
Has everyone seen that magazine cover?
That is so embarrassing. [Chuckles]
You know what? That photo was taken on one of my fat days.
- Couscous. [Chuckles] - Carbs.
Hey. Are you okay?
Graphic alert...
I may have accidentally
given myself an exotic piercing.
O... Kay. Well...
I... I do realize I'm making
a terrible first impression here.
I'm just... I'm not very good at first impressions.
The only impression I'm really good at is Mickey Mouse.
[As Mickey Mouse] "Ho-oh-oh, I'm Mickey Mouse."
- You should stop that. - Okay. [Chuckles]
Anything you say.
You're kind of my hero.
Aww. [Chuckles] That is so sweet.
Well, um, I'll just need those summarized by Friday.
I know it's a lot, but H.R. said that you were a workhorse.
- [Neighs, clicks tongue] - Yeah.
You must be very smart
for the partners to have put you up here.
Good for you.
Oh, Felicity, wait.
Um... [Chuckles]
Can I ask you something?
Yes, um, you can see the staples.
Oh, um, thank you. You're welcome.
Um, are you going to Richard's welcoming drinks?
Mm, Richard is the son of Rupert Royce,
senior partner, so, yes.
I hate to use the "N" word, but you know.
Nachos?
No, networking.
Oh, okay. [Chuckles]
So, I should definitely go to the drinks, then.
Uh, wait, um... I'm sorry. You were... invited?
- Richard invited you? - Yeah. [Chuckles]
I think he might be into chunk.
You know what? I think that's great.
[Chuckles] You should definitely go, then.
And wear something that shows off that chunk.
Low-cut, high-cut?
Mm-hmm.
When was the last time you went out?
Helen-Alice: We haven't been out since...
since...
All: Prom.
And everybody laughed at us, even wheelchair Becky.
- * Everybody * - [Laughing] oh, my God.
- * Yeah * - Oh, my God. I'm trying.
- * Rock your body * - [Laughs]
♪ Yeah no! - You guys should never leave the house.
Richard is...
he's really, really, like...
Um, nice.
And all week, we've been developing
this deep and meaningful connection.
Kimmie: Okay. Guess who this is.
- [As Mickey Mouse] "Hello, I'm Mi... - " Mickey Mouse!
- Yes. - Yes!
Okay, okay. Guess who this is.
[As Dick Van Dyke] "So long, Mary Poppins.
Don't stay away too long."
- The guy from "Mary Poppins?" - Yes.
[Warbling]
[Chuckles] Tr... the tractor beam.
Yes, yes! It's a tractor beam.
I'm ready for a drink.
Like, "ahh!" [Slurps]
See? Is that... mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Next stop, Slutsville.
No. Helen-Alice, next stop, fun!
Excuse me. I am the fun master here.
Just say the truth...
that now that you're promoted,
you think you're too good for us.
Not at all. Look,
guys, I love you two.
I love you, too, Kimmie.
That's why, um, I'm asking you to come with me.
Look, I'm scared, too, but...
Don't you think it's time we just put ourselves out there?
Kimmie, I can't. You know...
you know I have that thing.
What thing?
Unfamiliar social situations give me panic attacks.
That's not a real thing.
How come you never told me you had a thing?
Because sometimes you can't be trusted with secrets, Marika.
That's not what my Uncle says.
Kimmie, I'm not going out.
Discussion over. Fun master out.
- Okay. Fine. - Okay.
[Scoffs]
But, Marika,
you want to come out, though, don't you?
- It's g... it's gonna be really fun, okay? - Yeah.
At the club, there will be dancing.
There will be a bar.
There will be a pasta bar?
- Yeah. I think s... think so. - [Chuckles]
I love pasta bars, okay?
You hit me in the heart Kim-o-therapy.
I'm in.
- Ah, you're such a great best friend! - You are!
Oh, well...
Hey, uh, we should spend the rest of our lunch break
finding us some hot new outfits to wear.
Uh, Kimmie, please.
Anything I wear looks hot on me.
Just ask my brothers.
[Loud dance music plays]
Uh, nope. I don't like it.
It's way too dark in here.
And why is it so loud?
What, to drown out the sound of rape whistles?
Oh, hi.
Oh. Um, what sizes does this come in?
That one comes in small,
extra-small, and Asian.
We're gonna die in somebody's van.
You know,
I can't wear anything electric with my sweat issues,
but it's a damn shame.
Don't worry.
Nothing bad is gonna happen to us.
This is probably gonna be the best night of our lives.
Okay.
Even better than that time we made taco in a bag.
That was so good.
This Friday,
I guarantee you guys
a super fun night!
♪ Are you ready? ♪ ♪ are you ready for this ♪
♪ you ready for this, you ready for this? ♪
♪ Are you ready? ♪ ♪ are you ready for this ♪
♪ you ready for this, you ready for this? ♪
♪ Are you ready? ♪ ♪ are you ready for this ♪
♪ you ready for this, you ready for this ♪
♪ Are you ready? ♪ ♪ are you ready for this ♪
♪ oh, baby, baby! ♪ ♪ you ready for this? ♪
Sorry, ladies. It's a private function.
- Oh, yeah. We're on the list. - Name?
- Kimberly Boubier. - Nope. Sorry. Not on the list.
[Dance music plays]
Oh, no. That can't be.
We... I... I definitely RSVP'd. Twice.
- It's not there. - What about now?
Okay. Come... come here for a second.
- Let me ask you something. - Okay.
I need you three to leave immediately.
We don't need any eye broccoli
hogging up the line.
Okay?
Okay. Um, can I...
- Not there. Not there. - No.
- Can... how about this one? - You see how there's an actual barrier there? No.
- Where do... - Don't cross the barrier.
[Sighs] Dang it.
I was so pumped for that pasta bar.
I told you we don't belong here.
Let's just call a taxi and never hope again.
No. No. I promised you guys a super fun night out.
So we're getting into that club.
Weren't you here before?
- * Yeah * - No.
- * Let's go * - Would you like to hear a song
from the smash-hit musical "Wicked?"
- * All right, all right * - No.
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na, na-na-na ♪
- [clears throat] - * make the oh, oh, oh, oh, oh *
- Hi, there. - * can we go back? This is the moment *
- * Tonight is the night * - Let us in! Let us in! Everybody!
No, I won't!
- Tommy! - Marika: Lead with your butt! Lead with your butt!
- Tommy! - Kimmie: Richard! Richard! Richard!
[Grunting]
Marika: Kimmie, I know you don't want to,
but sometimes you just got to forfeit.
I know we're on the struggle bus,
but I just need something
to get this lock open.
I need something.
I just...
Here.
Use my Murna decorative dagger.
Helen-Alice, why did you bring that?
In case we got kidnapped. There are a lot of vans out here.
[Sighs]
[Grunting]
- Oh, my God! We're in! - Oh, my God.
We did it!
- I did it! I did it! - Unh!
[Door squeaking]
- Ow. - Sorry, sorry.
All right. Let's get this party started.
There aren't a lot of people here.
There aren't very many people.
Yeah. This is probably the V.I.P. section.
- Oh, okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just look like we belong.
[Moaning, giggling]
Uh, Kimmie?
I don't think this is the Maiden Club.
Oh, you're a bad girl, aren't you?
- No. This is something else. - Oh, yeah.
Whoa, those chicks are hungry.
- Hey, Helen-Alice. - Okay. We have to go.
We have to go now!
- [Giggling] - We don't have to.
[Breathing heavily]
Helen-Alice? What's... what's wrong?
What do you think is wrong, Kimmie?!
We went out,
we got rejected, we got laughed at.
And just now, I saw my creepy co-worker,
and I'm gonna have to explain to her
why I spent my Friday night
watching porn with my two girlfriends!
I can't breathe!
Here. Here. Blow into my ball can.
[Breathing heavily]
[Muffled] I told you I shouldn't go out!
Well, I don't know it was a real thing!
- You never believe me! - All right. T.O.
Okay. T.O., guys.
Kimmie, maybe you're not meant to be the fun master.
We are in a really bad situation right now.
There is a kidnappery-looking dude over there staring at us.
Maybe I'll have to scare him away with a primal scream.
[Screams]
[All screaming]
All right! All right! Calm down!
Chill out!!
Okay?!
[Crying] I'm sorry, okay?
We can go home now.
Richard will think I'm rude, but who cares, right?
I have chafing...
really bad chafing.
[Gags] Oh!
So, let's just go home.
Well, what about the pasta bar?
There's no pasta bar, Marika. I made it up!
What do you mean there's no pasta bar?!
Marika, get off me!
- [Fabric tears] [Gasps] - Marika!
Wow. This night couldn't get any worse.
- Kimmie? - [Screams]
[All screaming]
Don't do it!
Richard, no! It's fine.
These are my friends.
They're my... my best friends. Stand down, Helen-Alice.
We tried to get into the club, but the...
uh, the... the bouncer wouldn't let us in.
I'm so sorry, Kimmie.
Well, um,
maybe we can do something.
- Shall I just bring you inside... - Richard, put...
Oh, my God. Kimmie, what happened?!
Kimmie had some trouble getting into the club.
Really? That is terrible.
Well, if you or your girls
ever need anything, you know what?
- You just call me anytime. - Oh. [Chuckles]
I'm gonna go take care of this,
and maybe we can grab that nightcap?
Sure.
Here, Kimmie.
- Let me. - Yeah. Oh.
You're literally flashing everyone.
- [Laughs] - Oh. [Chuckles]
- She's got... - Thank you. [Chuckles]
Next time, check your list more carefully.
Richard, shall we?
Right. Yes.
Um, all right, Kimmie, well, um, I'll see you Monday.
Coming. Um... you know...
Uh, it's okay. You... you keep the jacket.
Okay. All right.
[Car door closes]
[Engine turns over]
Kimmie, I'm sorry, dawg.
Oh, no. It's fine.
It was dumb for me to think I had a chance with Richard.
[Chuckles, sniffles]
To quote from the "Wicked" soundtrack...
♪ That's the girl he chose ♪
♪ and heaven knows ♪
♪ I'm not that gi-i-i-i-rl ♪
Wheelchair Becky was right.
We have indoor faces/bodies.
Let's just leave going out
- to the pretty and popular people. - [Groans]
Okay.
- [Sighs] - Uh,
on some points, we double faulted, but...
Tonight was kind of exciting.
I mean, I got eye-banged by, like, 10 different dudes!
And tonight, I went into a taxi, and I didn't faint.
[Chuckles]
But, lil' Kim, you did score the most.
- You did get your boobs touched. - Yeah.
Did I?
♪ Oh, yeah, oh! ♪
No. Richard didn't mean to do that.
I see what you guys are doing.
You're just trying to cheer me up.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
[Chuckling] I got completely humiliated tonight.
And now I have to see those people at work on Monday.
So I think I'm just gonna go and cry myself to sleep.
- Oh, hey, don't. - Kimmie...
[Knock on door] Marika, did you order that 24-hour ham service again?
Not tonight.
I told you there's no room in the fridge!
- Really?! Again? - I swear I didn't.
I swear it! I didn't!
- Why would you order that when she's clea... - I didn't!
Hi. Uh, I hope I'm not disturbing you.
No.
I just wanted to make sure that you got home safely
and to say I'm really sorry for leaving you there like that.
Oh, that's okay. [Chuckles]
No. No, it's not.
It's inexcusable, and, um,
I just hope you can accept my apology.
Um...
Yeah. [Chuckles]
Yeah, sure.
Um... Cool. [Chuckles]
Totally.
- We're cool. - Good.
Uh, well, I'll see you, uh, at the office, then.
- Okay. - Okay. Bye, Kimmie.
- Oh. Thank you. - Yeah.
All right.
[Screams]
Did you guys see that?
Game, set, match... Boubier!
What?! [Laughs]
I guess super fun night was a definite success.
Yes! Oh, my God. Okay.
I couldn't have done it without you guys.
- Thank you. - Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, so where are we gonna go next week?
- A female sauna? - No. That would require shaving.
- We'll think about it. - No.
Listen, the only thing that's important
is that we're together.
Let's toast.
Ladies,
here's to friendship.
Here's to super fun night!
All: Always together, always...
- sometimes outside. - Sometimes outside.
- Okay. - Yeah.
♪ Do it all again ♪
So, you're just gonna let us in?
No. I'm absolutely not gonna let you in.
If you try to get past me, I will tackle you to the ground.
No. Don't... um...
Don't you have to let blind people in?
So, when you wear glasses, it doesn't render you different.
I know that it's you.
Richard.
- Richard?! - Wait! He's got a stun gun!
- [Screams] - Oh, no.
Felicity!
Come...
Wheelchair Becky?
All: [Chanting] Let us in!
- Oh, no. Okay. - Let us in!
Okay! All right. You win.
- You win. - I knew that would work.
No, it didn't work. Get the hell out of here!
You three... you're in...
That bar over there.
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -