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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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It's a normal Tuesday in Britain.
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There's a hint of drizzle in the air
and traffic is at a standstill.
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We know that driving is meant
to be more fun than this.
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We know that cars are meant
to be more fun than this.
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So we decided what we'd do is
give you an hour or so of escapism,
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of perfect roads and perfect cars.
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Yeah. So, what we're going to do is
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strip away all the things
that drive us mad,
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roadworks, Peugeots, speed cameras...
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- James May.
- Yeah, we'll get rid of him.
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He's always holding us up.
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And then we will end up with
the perfect road trip.
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Strangely, Jeremy insisted
we should start here, in Venice,
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where all the streets are full of water.
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Why are we in Venice?
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Because I wanted to drive
the Riva Aquarama.
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Why?
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Because it's the most
beautiful thing ever made
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and because it's got two V8s.
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Okay, we are starting in Venice because
he wanted to drive a... What is it?
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- Riva Aquarama.
- Riva Aquarama.
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- The most beautiful thing ever made.
- The most beautiful thing ever made
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and it's got... Two V8s?
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- Two V8s.
- Two V8s!
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And we're going to set off from here
on a journey across Italy,
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across France, to... Where are we going?
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- Pau.
- To Pau... Pau?
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Why are we going to Pau?
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Because that is where the first ever
Grand Prix was held.
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- Pau?
- Yeah.
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- Never heard of it.
- The track's still there.
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We're going to drive the very first
Grand Prix track.
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Whatever. Between here and there,
we're going to be on motorways,
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mountain roads, rally stages,
racetracks and cities.
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And in every place, we are both going
to pick what we believe
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is the perfect mode of transport.
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It's going to be the perfect week.
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Perfect weather, perfect start,
perfect boat, perfect everything!
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- Perfect.
- And no James May.
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That's better than perfect.
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Over the next seven days,
our quest for perfection
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would take us from Venice
towards the Italian Lakes.
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From there we'd head south
to the Mediterranean,
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for a drive along the French Riviera
to Saint-Tropez.
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Then we'd swing inland again
towards the finishing point at Pau.
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Do we look like Tubbs and Crockett?
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Or Tubby and Crotchety?
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- No, seriously. That's perfect, though.
- Tubby and Crotchety.
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Venice Vice.
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Having docked
the L200,000 speedboat,
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I switched to an even
more expensive car.
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The new, grown-up, less tail-happy
Black edition of the SLS.
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In Victorian times,
people would come through Venice
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on what was called "the grand tour",
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so that's why
I've gone for the Mercedes,
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because it is the ultimate grand tourer.
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Mmm-hmm. Except, it isn't the ultimate
because this is, the Ferrari F12.
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No, no. That's too powerful.
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- Too powerful?
- It is too powerful.
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I said that... It is!
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You did say it on the programme
and I thought then...
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You see this?
I will be able to use all of the power.
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Yes?
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In that, you will not
be able to use all of the power
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because you'll end up
halfway up a telegraph pole.
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No, I'll be able to all of the power
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but there will be more power than
you've got, that's all that's about.
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A grand tourer should be powerful
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- and creamy and grunty and...
- Uh...
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Six hundred and twenty-two horsepower,
it's not a wheelbarrow.
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- Seven hundred and thirty! It's more.
- I know.
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Hammond!
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Let's just go across Italy, shall we,
in our grand tourers?
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Yes. Yes.
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I'LL go quickly, you big girl.
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Oh, God!
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Oh, that's a lot of power!
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Maybe that's too much!
No, it's not too much.
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Jeremy's being a wuss. It's just enough.
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It's just I don't need
to use all of it right now.
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I'm going to use a bit Less.
Maybe this much of it.
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The changes from that gearbox
are incredible.
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It's a double clutch gear box.
In actual fact,
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it's exactly the same unit
as in Jeremy's Mercedes SLS.
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It's just Ferrari have
put their own mapping,
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their own computer control
on this particular one.
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And it's set up so that
when you change,
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it spikes the engine revs
so it surges when you change.
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Dear God!
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This body isn't just pretty,
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it's been sculpted to maximise the air
flowing over it to generate down force
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to stick it to the road
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There have been a number of
Black Special Edition Mercs in the past
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and almost all of them have been,
well, dreadful, really. Undriveable.
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They generated too much torque.
So every time you put your foot down,
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it felt like they were trying
to tear themselves apart.
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You'd be going along
and it'd be sucking birds
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and trees and squirrels into the engine
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and then ripping up the road and hurling
chunks of tarmac out of the back
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and it was just... They were ridiculous.
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This, though, Mercedes has been clever
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because, yes, it generates more power
than a standard SLS
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but 11 fewer torques. So now...
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You put your foot down, it translates
that action into speed,
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not destructions.
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Oh, but you can't beat a V8!
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I mean, yes, a V12 is nice.
But a V8 is nicer.
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It just is.
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I'm just saying you can't beat a V8.
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Oh, I like a 12, I do like
a big powerful, slightly angry 12.
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That's a great car, that.
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It's...
You just give it a little poke,
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"Excuse me, could you..."
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That is insane!
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I was very happy.
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And therefore a bit surprised
when Jeremy suddenly veered off
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toward some old Italian town.
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There it is.
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- What? That?
- Yeah.
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That is the actual balcony
from Romeo and Juliet.
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- Yeah. Couple of points.
- What?
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I've got a Ferrari,
it's a beautiful day, I'm in Italy.
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You're looking at a balcony
that was in a story... Story!
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Made up by a man
who you said you don't like.
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I hate William Shakespeare but it's...
Come on!
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It's not real, it's a story.
It was pretend.
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You're on a tour of Europe,
you need to see stuff.
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I'm on a tour of Europe, in a Ferrari,
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except I'm not in a Ferrari,
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I'm standing here
Looking at an old building.
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Happily, a big crowd of
Italian Top Gear fans then stopped him
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from getting into some old theatre
so we could get back on the motorway.
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If he's going to ruin this road trip
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by stopping off to look
at old things that don't move, I'll...
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I should've
remembered, of course,
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Hammond isn't going to want
to do anything cultural
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and he isn't going to want
to eat anything interesting.
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It's like travelling around
with a garden chair.
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I therefore decided
to annoy him some more.
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- Hammond?
- What?
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Shall we turn off here?
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What, now? Why would we?
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Well, because I'm bored of driving on
motorways, I want to go on other roads.
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Is there an old pile of bricks
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or a gate that once featured
in a fairy tale down here?
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No, no.
It's driving but just on nice roads.
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We're not going to look at Hansel
and Gretel's handbag or something?
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In fact, we were heading
for the Italian Lakes,
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a sparkling jewel in the golden crown
of our perfect journey.
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And soon I realised that cars like these
on days like these
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have been used before,
at the beginning of. The Italian job.
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I know just the music we need
for this bit of our drive.
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Cue the Monro.
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Ooh, this is pretty,
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Looking at all of these Italian things
from my Italian grand touring supercar.
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We just have to be careful that
if we go into a tunnel,
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we don't hit a bulldozer.
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Oh, that's just... Oh!
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This is just magnificent.
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But soon the real reason
for turning off became apparent.
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As the roads became more twisty,
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the Ferrari was becoming
more of a handful.
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Oh-ho! Oh!
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Uh, just need to be a bit careful about
unleashing 730 brake horsepower.
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It's actually more than an F1 car
and I'm conscious of that right now.
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Help! Oh!
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Oh! Yeah.
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I wasn't scared
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I have no doubt
that the Ferrari is faster than this
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but this is just nicer to drive
'cause it's less frightening.
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With the F12, Ferrari have
given you everything you need
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to have an incredible drive
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or get yourself into
a very great deal of trouble.
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Get a racing driver in this car
and he will tell you,
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"Yes, that is a real car."
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It's not been tamed for people
to park at the golf course
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and talk about in the bar.
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It's amazing how different this is
to the standard SLS,
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which would be wobbling its
bottom all over everywhere.
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This isn't because of its
electronic differential.
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You can think of it really
like a Porsche GT3,
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lightened, hard,
focused, on it, built for this.
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The SLS behaving like this is like
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Eddie Izzard doing Richard III, it's...
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It's almost weird to watch
a pantomime character
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become so straight.
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Weird and yet brilliant.
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Eventually,
we reached our overnight halt
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and I went for supper
with my cultured colleague.
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What do you mean
you prefer the Lake District?
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Well, this is beautiful
It is.
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- And to be honest, for me...
- More beautiful than Derwentwater.
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Garda's not even the prettiest lake
and look at it!
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It's very lovely.
Just scale it down to 75% of that
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and then introduce
a bit of drizzle and...
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- Is Keswick in the Lake District?
- Ooh, yeah.
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What you don't get in Keswick
are these. Have you had one?
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00:13:02,921 --> 00:13:05,561
- No.
- Have a pepper. Eat.
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Eat. Eat it. Go on, you'll like it.
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I don't like it.
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Then we thought
we'd play our favourite game.
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He's got the Ferrari
options pricelist there
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and I'm going to guess
how much they cost.
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There are quite
a Lot of options available.
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Pick some.
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Okay. Racing seats with carbon fibre.
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I don't know, 600 quid?
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L5,184.
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- I was a bit under.
- Yeah.
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But carbon fibre wheel caps,
on the tyres, you know, on the...
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- What, dust caps?
- Yeah.
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Carbon fibre dust caps? Tenner.
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L480. I thought that was cheap.
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- What, for four dust caps?
- Yeah.
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L480?
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Are the cup holders standard?
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There is a carbon fibre
cup holder you can get.
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- A carbon fibre cup holder?
- Yeah, you know, it pops in...
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Well, they were?600 on
a Lamborghini Gallardo a while back,
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so I'LL go a thousand.
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L2,112. Yeah, this is amazing.
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Really, the car is the cheapest option.
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The next day,
we consulted a map and realised
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we were just a spit from the fastest
Grand Prix track on the calendar...
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Monza.
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The Cathedral of Speed.
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Because it's so fast,
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I've ditched the Ferrari
and upped the ante
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to this Pagani Huayra,
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still a V12 but now with two turbos.
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'Cause what you need here is a missile.
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00:15:05,161 --> 00:15:07,441
I've gone for a Porsche Cayman S.
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00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:09,801
- You're just being obtuse.
- I'm not.
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00:15:09,881 --> 00:15:11,201
You are. You've gone for a Porsche
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so you can not go for a 911.
It's just annoying.
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This is better than a 911.
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00:15:14,841 --> 00:15:17,001
- It isn't! A 911 is better than that.
- It isn't.
239
00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:19,561
- Because the 911 has its engine here.
- Yes.
240
00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:21,721
- This is mid-engine.
- Because it isn't a 911.
241
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:22,881
- No!
- It's better!
242
00:15:22,961 --> 00:15:26,441
Listen, if we were driving around
Cadwell Park, Lydden Hill...
243
00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:28,561
- Yeah.
- Nippy and fizzy, yes!
244
00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:31,001
But not here at Monza. You need power.
245
00:15:31,081 --> 00:15:32,521
You're just hung up on this
246
00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:34,761
- great big long straight.
- Yes.
247
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:37,921
But there must be
a corner down there somewhere,
248
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:39,681
otherwise you wouldn't be able
to get down there again.
249
00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:41,361
There has to be...
In fact there've got to be two corners.
250
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,241
- Yes, genius, that's two corners.
- Yeah.
251
00:15:43,321 --> 00:15:44,681
Brilliant. Do you know what?
252
00:15:44,761 --> 00:15:48,361
The Pagani Huayra goes around
corners really incredibly well.
253
00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:51,121
You will not believe
how fast this goes around corners.
254
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,961
- Okay.
- It's a lot better.
255
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:59,441
If s true,
I don't like Porches
256
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,961
and I don't much like
the people who drive them,
257
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:05,161
especially the ones called
James and Richard.
258
00:16:06,401 --> 00:16:09,281
I didn't much like the original
Cayman, either,
259
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:10,761
I called it the Cockster.
260
00:16:12,601 --> 00:16:17,001
And there are one or two things
that I don't much like about this.
261
00:16:17,081 --> 00:16:21,681
The styling, for example,
I think it looks too like a 911.
262
00:16:22,121 --> 00:16:25,281
And then there's the seats,
the shoulder bolsters are too narrow.
263
00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:28,721
So, if you're broad-shouldered
and hunky, like me,
264
00:16:29,401 --> 00:16:31,641
you're getting sort of
squashed all the time.
265
00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:38,561
However, the rest of it
is absolutely sublime.
266
00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:50,841
You've got these adaptive dampers,
which means that it rides
267
00:16:52,081 --> 00:16:58,601
and handles and steers
like the very best supercars.
268
00:17:00,401 --> 00:17:05,641
But the best thing is the engine.
A 3.4-litre flat six.
269
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:09,721
There's just no thing about it
that's wrong.
270
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:13,881
And all the time it makes this...
You can hear that
271
00:17:13,961 --> 00:17:16,601
deep, reassuring noise,
272
00:17:16,681 --> 00:17:20,441
it's like having
Richard Burton in the boot,
273
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:23,041
endlessly complimenting you on your hair
274
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:25,001
and your clothes and your driving style.
275
00:17:29,441 --> 00:17:33,041
Oh, my God! That is so fast!
276
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,081
Oh, my God!
277
00:17:37,161 --> 00:17:41,561
230, 240, 250,
278
00:17:42,081 --> 00:17:43,921
260 kilometres an hour.
279
00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:46,921
270! Oh, dear God.
280
00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:52,561
Oh! I scared the crap
out of myself then.
281
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,241
Holy sh...
282
00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:57,041
Oh, my God!
283
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:03,521
What a machine!
284
00:18:03,601 --> 00:18:06,201
Monza is all about speed
285
00:18:06,441 --> 00:18:10,361
and a Pagani Huayra
is about that and very little else.
286
00:18:11,321 --> 00:18:14,321
6.3-litre, v12, twin turbos.
287
00:18:15,481 --> 00:18:17,761
Truly, enormously powerful.
288
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:21,521
Turning in, immense grip
from those fat tyres.
289
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:26,161
I have aero, active aero keeping me
planted on the track.
290
00:18:27,121 --> 00:18:31,441
These things are built to work as well,
they're not some fragile trailer queen.
291
00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:35,521
This car I'm in has
done 86,000 kilometres.
292
00:18:35,601 --> 00:18:38,761
And I'm guessing
not many of them were gentle.
293
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:45,601
The Ferrari would've been good at this
but not as good as the Huayra.
294
00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:51,561
The problem is
Hammond is going too fast,
295
00:18:51,641 --> 00:18:56,601
he's not savouring this glorious,
historical tracks.
296
00:18:56,681 --> 00:19:00,561
He's just wolfing it down,
like a dog wolfs down a steak.
297
00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:07,841
What I'm doing is masticating,
enjoying every mouthful.
298
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:13,281
As Jeremy crawled
round in his wrong car,
299
00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:16,401
I was waiting for him
to get back to the pits.
300
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:20,641
He's going to be a while, isn't he?
301
00:19:21,721 --> 00:19:25,281
While he's gone, let me show you
the interior of the Pagani.
302
00:19:27,641 --> 00:19:28,761
It's worth seeing.
303
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,681
They want it to feel special in here
and I think they've succeeded.
304
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:37,601
They've really put thought into this,
making it feel special.
305
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,681
This gear linkage here,
all these parts,
306
00:19:40,761 --> 00:19:43,281
there's 67 components have gone
into making that
307
00:19:43,361 --> 00:19:46,321
in that skeleton form,
so you can see it working.
308
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:48,721
And the materials, too,
it's all genuine,
309
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,841
a lot of real carbon fibre,
real leather. And the aluminium,
310
00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:55,881
every single aluminium component
you can see in here isn't cast,
311
00:19:56,041 --> 00:20:01,161
it's milled from a single piece,
a single billet, a lump of aluminium.
312
00:20:02,161 --> 00:20:05,441
All of which means it feels
as expensive as it is.
313
00:20:06,201 --> 00:20:08,961
I like this car.
He's not back yet, is he?
314
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:15,121
This is the only track in the world with
two lesbos, the first one's quite tight,
315
00:20:15,441 --> 00:20:18,321
second one, though,
you can really hang your arse out
316
00:20:20,921 --> 00:20:21,921
There it is.
317
00:20:23,161 --> 00:20:27,401
It's 12 cylinders in total.
Let's count them, it'll pass the time.
318
00:20:27,721 --> 00:20:31,961
One, two... Oh, I'm going too quickly,
might as well make it last.
319
00:20:32,681 --> 00:20:36,201
Three... Oh, hang on. Oh!
320
00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,801
You must be feeling now...
321
00:20:42,881 --> 00:20:46,281
- What?
- ...that you brought the wrong car.
322
00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:49,801
Let me read you something, if I may.
Talking about this.
323
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,121
"The car's cornering balance
is near perfect,
324
00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:56,801
"neutral but unerringly predictable
on a balanced throttle
325
00:20:57,001 --> 00:21:00,121
"and biased ever so slightly
towards understeer
326
00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:02,761
"if you throttle up
before you begin easing
327
00:21:02,841 --> 00:21:05,321
"the lateral load
out of the front tyres.™
328
00:21:05,401 --> 00:21:08,841
Not my words, the words of
Autocar magazine.
329
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:12,281
Wow! What do those words actually mean?
330
00:21:12,361 --> 00:21:13,481
- I've no idea.
- Me, neither.
331
00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:16,521
But I'm going to go back
out there now and throttle up
332
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:20,841
before I've eased the lateral load out
of the front tyres and see what happens.
333
00:21:20,921 --> 00:21:22,561
- Yeah!
- That's what I'm going to do.
334
00:21:22,641 --> 00:21:25,121
I have no idea what any of that means.
I haven't a clue.
335
00:21:26,841 --> 00:21:28,841
Right! Throttle up.
336
00:21:29,241 --> 00:21:31,041
Oh, now you see?
337
00:21:31,201 --> 00:21:33,121
Now, that's just a spin.
338
00:21:35,201 --> 00:21:38,361
Now, you see, Autocar, that's oversteer.
339
00:21:39,721 --> 00:21:43,561
Sometime you read road tests and you
do think, "What are you on about?"
340
00:21:43,841 --> 00:21:47,201
It's a really nice car
and you can get the arse out.
341
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:49,881
Finally.
342
00:21:52,841 --> 00:21:55,161
- Still pretending to have fun?
- Yeah.
343
00:21:55,241 --> 00:21:57,681
- Will, uh, will Poo be like this?
- Will what?
344
00:21:57,921 --> 00:21:59,161
Poo, when we go there.
345
00:21:59,441 --> 00:22:00,481
Oh, Pau?
346
00:22:00,561 --> 00:22:02,521
Do you know my favourite bit?
347
00:22:03,761 --> 00:22:04,841
Yes. Yes.
- You could...
348
00:22:04,921 --> 00:22:07,801
The Porsche through there,
it's just a streak of lightning.
349
00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:10,161
Nothing is faster than that.
350
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:12,601
Nothing is.
Nothing's faster... Or through there.
351
00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:16,481
Yes, you're getting a bit carried away.
It's fast. It's a quick little car.
352
00:22:16,561 --> 00:22:19,441
To be honest,
it's more at home in this bit here.
353
00:22:19,721 --> 00:22:21,081
You could "Oh, look!" past the shops
354
00:22:21,161 --> 00:22:23,081
and "Oh, there's a school
and a supermarket."
355
00:22:23,161 --> 00:22:24,561
And that's really where it belongs.
Not here.
356
00:22:24,681 --> 00:22:25,921
- You're wrong.
- I'm not wrong.
357
00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:31,201
Hammond, I bet you anything you like
that around here the Porsche is faster.
358
00:22:31,401 --> 00:22:32,401
Jeremy, that's...
359
00:22:32,681 --> 00:22:34,881
- Okay!
- Whoever loses has to say,
360
00:22:35,201 --> 00:22:36,881
"I love James May."
361
00:22:37,681 --> 00:22:39,841
They have to say that
on television to a camera.
362
00:22:40,681 --> 00:22:41,681
Fine.
363
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,081
You actually have to go up to the camera
and go, "I love James May."
364
00:22:44,241 --> 00:22:46,601
All right. Well, I look forward
to hearing you say it.
365
00:22:47,881 --> 00:22:49,241
Oh, they're lesmos.
366
00:22:51,081 --> 00:22:54,201
I thought there was lesbo one and...
It's lesmo...
367
00:22:54,521 --> 00:22:56,161
Martin Brundle must have had a cold.
368
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:02,521
Right.
369
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:09,921
And we are away.
370
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,641
Oh, God! This is just embarrassing
371
00:23:17,721 --> 00:23:20,601
because where's going to be my sense of
achievement when I thrash him?
372
00:23:22,241 --> 00:23:23,601
There is a point with cars
373
00:23:23,681 --> 00:23:26,121
where they become
so powerful and so fast
374
00:23:26,721 --> 00:23:29,321
they become too hectic
and too frightening.
375
00:23:29,961 --> 00:23:32,481
That's the problem with the...
Huayra.
376
00:23:33,481 --> 00:23:36,601
Through the first of the lesmo corners,
as it turns out.
377
00:23:37,441 --> 00:23:39,281
I know it sounds silly
but once you go
378
00:23:39,361 --> 00:23:45,161
beyond 500-550 horsepower,
you end up driving the car more slowly.
379
00:23:46,201 --> 00:23:47,641
It's weird but it's true.
380
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,761
Never has there beem
a more stark example of
381
00:23:51,841 --> 00:23:53,881
bringing a knife to a gunfight.
382
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:58,161
The Porsche, around here,
I'm absolutely pinning it everywhere.
383
00:23:58,761 --> 00:24:01,121
It doesn't worry me,
it's not frightening, it's easy.
384
00:24:01,721 --> 00:24:03,281
That thing, though...
385
00:24:04,441 --> 00:24:05,521
Well, we shall see.
386
00:24:06,841 --> 00:24:10,561
My case will be proven and he will be
saying, "I love James May."
387
00:24:12,081 --> 00:24:14,081
That's 270 I saw there.
388
00:24:14,641 --> 00:24:16,321
He won't see anything like that.
389
00:24:16,681 --> 00:24:17,681
Oh.
390
00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:20,401
I hear the sound of
an approaching midget.
391
00:24:20,801 --> 00:24:21,961
Fully on the power.
392
00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,041
Ready, steady...
393
00:24:24,281 --> 00:24:25,841
And across the line!
394
00:24:32,001 --> 00:24:33,961
Two minutes, 14.8.
395
00:24:34,241 --> 00:24:35,601
We'll call it 2:15.
396
00:24:37,201 --> 00:24:39,561
Then it was the Cayman's turn.
397
00:24:47,681 --> 00:24:51,201
Really, I am taking no pleasure in this.
398
00:24:51,681 --> 00:24:53,161
But he does need to learn a lesson,
399
00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:55,641
that you can't just go making
stupid claims about a car
400
00:24:55,721 --> 00:24:56,801
just 'cause you like it.
401
00:24:59,161 --> 00:25:02,561
No, seriously, that thing round...
I could be using an egg timer.
402
00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:08,601
How does he imagine he can
possibly make up enough time?
403
00:25:10,161 --> 00:25:11,961
No matter how good
he thinks he is in it.
404
00:25:12,041 --> 00:25:14,001
Clearly, it's not going to... Anyway.
405
00:25:14,081 --> 00:25:16,001
- You what?
- Mate!
406
00:25:17,441 --> 00:25:19,441
Where... Why aren't you...
407
00:25:19,521 --> 00:25:21,281
I didn't say I'd be driving it.
408
00:25:21,361 --> 00:25:22,401
Well, who is?
409
00:25:22,481 --> 00:25:24,601
Well, some say it's The Stig, and it is.
410
00:25:27,841 --> 00:25:29,921
Did you at any point say
I had to drive it? No.
411
00:25:30,001 --> 00:25:33,201
Did you at any point say
you were going to use The Stig?
412
00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:34,281
Why would you not?
413
00:25:36,921 --> 00:25:40,521
Because I think
in every possible definition,
414
00:25:40,601 --> 00:25:43,041
in every set of rules, it's cheating.
415
00:25:46,801 --> 00:25:47,801
Oh, here he is.
416
00:25:50,001 --> 00:25:51,601
2:13:2.
417
00:25:51,801 --> 00:25:53,001
- 2:13:2.
- Yes.
418
00:25:53,081 --> 00:25:54,761
You were 2:14:8. So he's one point...
419
00:25:55,201 --> 00:25:58,201
So, there you are, ladies and gentlemen,
the Porsche is, as I said,
420
00:25:58,281 --> 00:26:01,001
faster than the, uh...
Huayra.
421
00:26:01,161 --> 00:26:03,681
And therefore was a more
sensible choice of car.
422
00:26:03,761 --> 00:26:06,241
- No. The Stig is faster than me.
- What?
423
00:26:06,321 --> 00:26:09,161
But The Stig is faster than everyone,
that's the point of The Stig,
424
00:26:09,241 --> 00:26:11,121
if he wasn't he'd explode.
425
00:26:13,721 --> 00:26:16,801
As we left Monza
in the Mercedes and the Ferrari,
426
00:26:16,961 --> 00:26:18,761
the mood was glum.
427
00:26:21,801 --> 00:26:23,361
It's cheating.
428
00:26:26,681 --> 00:26:29,761
The next morning, however,
Hammond cheered up
429
00:26:29,841 --> 00:26:33,921
when he discovered the name of the town
where we'd stayed the night.
430
00:26:41,841 --> 00:26:43,801
From Bra to the French Riviera,
431
00:26:43,881 --> 00:26:45,681
we could've used the motorway.
432
00:26:45,761 --> 00:26:47,401
But we decided instead
433
00:26:47,481 --> 00:26:50,081
to use the finest switchback roads
434
00:26:50,161 --> 00:26:51,761
in the world.
435
00:26:51,841 --> 00:26:53,321
This meant ditching the Mercedes
436
00:26:53,401 --> 00:26:54,601
and the Ferrari
437
00:26:54,681 --> 00:26:56,721
and opting for these instead.
438
00:27:05,561 --> 00:27:07,241
On a road like this,
439
00:27:07,321 --> 00:27:10,721
you need something small,
you need a hot hatchback.
440
00:27:10,881 --> 00:27:12,761
And if you're going to get
a hot hatchback,
441
00:27:12,841 --> 00:27:15,081
why not get the king? This one.
442
00:27:15,721 --> 00:27:18,721
The Golf GTI.
443
00:27:25,081 --> 00:27:27,161
I loved the Mk1
444
00:27:27,241 --> 00:27:30,161
and the 16-valve Mk2 wasn't bad, either.
445
00:27:30,241 --> 00:27:32,521
But since then...
I mean, they weren't bad
446
00:27:32,721 --> 00:27:35,041
but the magic went missing.
447
00:27:35,121 --> 00:27:38,921
With this one, though, the Mk7,
it is back.
448
00:27:41,041 --> 00:27:42,921
This car can do everything.
449
00:27:43,001 --> 00:27:45,081
It's well made, it's sensibly priced.
450
00:27:45,481 --> 00:27:47,921
It's economical, it's well-equipped.
451
00:27:48,081 --> 00:27:50,521
It seats five, it's got a big boot.
452
00:27:50,881 --> 00:27:53,121
But strip all that away and underneath,
453
00:27:54,241 --> 00:27:56,801
its DNA is hot hatchery.
454
00:28:06,241 --> 00:28:09,601
Two-litre turbo engine, 220 horsepower
455
00:28:09,881 --> 00:28:11,401
and no torque steer.
456
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:14,161
Now, watch this. Foot hard down,
going around a hairpin bend.
457
00:28:15,841 --> 00:28:17,441
It's just astonishing.
458
00:28:17,761 --> 00:28:20,561
The front diff on this is beyond belief.
459
00:28:23,081 --> 00:28:25,041
Whoa! God, this is good.
460
00:28:31,681 --> 00:28:33,521
He's got it wrong again.
461
00:28:35,001 --> 00:28:37,441
The Golf GTI, it's a brilliant car,
462
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,161
it's probably the best all-rounder
in the world.
463
00:28:40,241 --> 00:28:41,561
But that's... That's the point,
464
00:28:41,641 --> 00:28:44,241
an all-rounder is exactly
what you don't need.
465
00:28:44,321 --> 00:28:46,801
An all-rounder
is inevitably compromised.
466
00:28:48,001 --> 00:28:50,681
I just want pure distilled
essence of hot hatch.
467
00:28:51,241 --> 00:28:53,641
And that means only one thing right now.
468
00:28:53,721 --> 00:28:55,201
The Fiesta ST.
469
00:28:58,401 --> 00:29:01,921
When Ford put this car together,
they assembled all the right bits
470
00:29:02,001 --> 00:29:03,601
and thought, "Yeah, I reckon
that would be good."
471
00:29:03,681 --> 00:29:05,321
I don't think they could
possibly have known
472
00:29:05,761 --> 00:29:07,961
quite how good
it was going to turn out to be,
473
00:29:08,041 --> 00:29:10,121
because it's astonishing.
474
00:29:11,601 --> 00:29:14,121
It's down on power
compared to the Golf, yes.
475
00:29:14,201 --> 00:29:16,721
But it's smaller, that's more hot hatch.
476
00:29:16,801 --> 00:29:17,921
And it's lighter,
477
00:29:18,001 --> 00:29:20,681
which means the power-to-weight ratio
is pretty much the same.
478
00:29:22,281 --> 00:29:24,281
And it's beyond nimble.
479
00:29:24,441 --> 00:29:26,601
You start to just take
liberties with it.
480
00:29:26,961 --> 00:29:29,241
Deliberately running a line
a little bit wide,
481
00:29:29,321 --> 00:29:31,761
so you get the pleasure
of turning it back in.
482
00:29:33,281 --> 00:29:34,481
It's superb.
483
00:29:37,001 --> 00:29:40,801
It's the biggest grin-maker
I think the world has ever seen.
484
00:29:41,881 --> 00:29:44,641
In the next village, though, inevitably
485
00:29:44,721 --> 00:29:47,761
Jeremy decided we should
get something to eat.
486
00:29:52,801 --> 00:29:55,001
Why aren't you eating your lunch?
487
00:29:55,081 --> 00:29:56,201
I don't like pesto.
488
00:29:56,281 --> 00:29:58,361
- What?
- I don't like pesto.
489
00:29:58,441 --> 00:30:00,041
- Why not?
- It's just bits.
490
00:30:02,761 --> 00:30:06,721
There was, however,
a very good reason why we'd stopped.
491
00:30:07,241 --> 00:30:10,801
You've got to say it.
You lost the bet, you've got to say it.
492
00:30:10,881 --> 00:30:11,961
I'm not saying it.
493
00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,361
You've got to say it.
494
00:30:14,561 --> 00:30:17,561
I beat you fair and square.
The Porsche was faster.
495
00:30:17,641 --> 00:30:19,481
- It wasn't fair. You cheated.
- Say it.
496
00:30:21,081 --> 00:30:22,361
What?
497
00:30:24,041 --> 00:30:25,561
...James May.
498
00:30:25,641 --> 00:30:29,041
- There.
- No. Say it so it's audible.
499
00:30:29,121 --> 00:30:30,881
I... love James May.
500
00:30:34,241 --> 00:30:37,041
With that done,
we got back in our cars.
501
00:30:38,561 --> 00:30:41,761
When you think of an American road trip,
you think of Monument Valley,
502
00:30:41,841 --> 00:30:44,641
that road spearing off
into the distance.
503
00:30:44,721 --> 00:30:48,601
Well, this is Europe's equivalent
of Monument Valley.
504
00:30:49,521 --> 00:30:51,881
This might just be my favourite bit
of our trip so far.
505
00:30:52,961 --> 00:30:54,201
The car, the place.
506
00:30:54,641 --> 00:30:55,681
This is perfect.
507
00:30:57,201 --> 00:31:00,121
When God was making
this part of the world,
508
00:31:00,201 --> 00:31:03,121
it was for hot hatchbacks.
That's what it's for.
509
00:31:05,481 --> 00:31:07,001
Unfortunately, however,
510
00:31:07,081 --> 00:31:09,481
our headlong charge down the Alps
511
00:31:09,561 --> 00:31:12,041
was halted because we ran out of land.
512
00:31:25,921 --> 00:31:28,161
- Mmm, that.
- What?
513
00:31:28,281 --> 00:31:31,641
Well, it's Monte-Carlo.
If we drive into there
514
00:31:31,721 --> 00:31:34,641
in a Volkswagen and a Ford,
they'll arrest us for vagrancy.
515
00:31:35,361 --> 00:31:36,401
That's a good point.
516
00:31:36,481 --> 00:31:37,801
- I mean, you can be an arms dealer...
- Yeah.
517
00:31:37,881 --> 00:31:40,281
...but you can't drive around
in a Fiesta.
518
00:31:40,361 --> 00:31:41,961
- There's a limit.
- We're going to need to switch.
519
00:32:01,841 --> 00:32:04,841
For posing,
these were the cars we selected.
520
00:32:05,881 --> 00:32:08,881
A Lamborghini Aventador Roadster
for Hammond
521
00:32:10,481 --> 00:32:12,921
and a Bugatti Veyron for me.
522
00:32:14,521 --> 00:32:16,041
Now, this is no ordinary Veyron,
523
00:32:16,121 --> 00:32:19,321
this is the Grand Sport Vitesse.
524
00:32:19,401 --> 00:32:22,521
Eight-litre, quad-cam W16.
525
00:32:22,601 --> 00:32:26,041
Top speed 251 miles an hour
526
00:32:26,121 --> 00:32:27,601
with no roof.
527
00:32:29,121 --> 00:32:31,561
Here it is in its natural habitat.
528
00:32:33,641 --> 00:32:36,761
I'm in second gear.
I'm now using second gear
529
00:32:36,841 --> 00:32:39,321
for, well, the first time
since I set off.
530
00:32:40,241 --> 00:32:41,801
And back down to first.
531
00:32:45,721 --> 00:32:48,521
It is extraordinary that here men get up
532
00:32:48,601 --> 00:32:50,921
from their bachelor pads at about 10:00,
533
00:32:51,001 --> 00:32:55,401
get into their cars that they bought
using money they should have paid in tax
534
00:32:55,801 --> 00:32:57,641
and then spend all day
535
00:32:57,721 --> 00:33:02,001
driving round and round
and round in circles.
536
00:33:02,561 --> 00:33:03,761
Why?
537
00:33:04,761 --> 00:33:07,721
People see me in my orange
Lamborghini Aventador Roadster
538
00:33:07,801 --> 00:33:11,601
and think, "Yes.
There's a man of potency and wealth."
539
00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:15,721
And then two seconds later,
they see that Bugatti Veyron
540
00:33:16,001 --> 00:33:18,601
and think, "There's a richer,
more powerful man."
541
00:33:19,361 --> 00:33:20,361
I'm sorry about this, mate,
542
00:33:20,441 --> 00:33:22,521
but once again,
you're in the wrong car.
543
00:33:23,241 --> 00:33:24,761
I take issue with the "once again"
544
00:33:24,841 --> 00:33:27,721
but, yes, for the first time,
I've got the wrong car.
545
00:33:29,401 --> 00:33:32,841
Nobody is looking at you,
nobody.
546
00:33:32,921 --> 00:33:35,721
If I had spent?290,000
547
00:33:35,801 --> 00:33:38,041
on a Lamborghini to drive around Monaco
548
00:33:38,121 --> 00:33:39,601
and you turned up in that,
549
00:33:39,681 --> 00:33:41,561
I'd just drive this into a wall.
550
00:33:45,281 --> 00:33:48,561
This is the snobbiest place on earth.
551
00:33:49,281 --> 00:33:50,521
It makes...
552
00:33:51,281 --> 00:33:54,401
It makes Los Angeles
look like North Korea.
553
00:33:55,361 --> 00:33:56,961
And this snobbery is an issue
554
00:33:57,041 --> 00:33:59,761
when you try to
get your car valet parked.
555
00:34:07,601 --> 00:34:11,601
The problem is that chap has just
turned up outside the Hotel de Paris
556
00:34:11,681 --> 00:34:13,241
in a Ferrari California.
557
00:34:13,681 --> 00:34:15,081
The cheapest Ferrari there is.
558
00:34:15,161 --> 00:34:16,561
Nevertheless, he likes it very much.
559
00:34:16,641 --> 00:34:19,081
Yeah, and it's nice.
And as a result, it's there.
560
00:34:19,161 --> 00:34:20,401
- Okay? 'Cause it looks good.
- Yeah.
561
00:34:20,521 --> 00:34:21,761
But in a minute,
562
00:34:21,841 --> 00:34:25,521
a Kazakhstani arms dealer
is going to arrive in a nicer car
563
00:34:25,761 --> 00:34:27,961
and the Ferrari
is going to be taken away
564
00:34:28,241 --> 00:34:30,881
and put in a multi-storey
on the other side of Monaco.
565
00:34:30,961 --> 00:34:32,961
But we pull up there
566
00:34:33,041 --> 00:34:36,321
in a Bugatti Veyron and
a Lamborghini Aventador Roadster,
567
00:34:36,401 --> 00:34:39,281
are you're saying something better
is going to come along than that?
568
00:34:39,361 --> 00:34:40,721
In Monte-Carlo, I promise you,
569
00:34:40,801 --> 00:34:43,721
someone would turn up
in the USS Enterprise
570
00:34:43,801 --> 00:34:46,041
and our cars would be
in the multi-storey.
571
00:34:46,121 --> 00:34:49,081
It doesn't matter how good your car is,
572
00:34:49,161 --> 00:34:51,921
the valet parkers will ultimately
take it away
573
00:34:52,001 --> 00:34:54,961
because something better always arrives.
574
00:34:55,041 --> 00:34:58,441
There's got to be a way around this.
This is the perfect motoring trip.
575
00:34:58,521 --> 00:35:00,721
So we go and check in there, in a car,
576
00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:02,521
- on our perfect road trip...
- Yeah.
577
00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:04,161
...we come out in the morning,
it's still there.
578
00:35:04,241 --> 00:35:05,681
That's our challenge.
579
00:35:06,321 --> 00:35:07,841
It's going to have to be pretty special.
580
00:35:07,921 --> 00:35:09,041
Oh, yeah.
581
00:35:11,281 --> 00:35:12,881
Hammond, however, opted to go
582
00:35:12,961 --> 00:35:16,481
with one of the best-selling cars
the world has ever seen.
583
00:35:18,561 --> 00:35:20,521
A Model T Ford.
584
00:35:21,641 --> 00:35:23,561
And straightaway there was a problem.
585
00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:26,041
We didn't know how it worked.
586
00:35:26,561 --> 00:35:27,641
Right, now, look.
587
00:35:27,721 --> 00:35:28,921
Let's list the things.
588
00:35:29,001 --> 00:35:30,321
There are... There's three pedals.
589
00:35:30,401 --> 00:35:32,481
How do you... Where's the gear?
Is this the gear? That's...
590
00:35:32,561 --> 00:35:34,561
Oh, if it's...
I haven't got my foot on the clutch.
591
00:35:34,641 --> 00:35:35,881
- That isn't the clutch.
- Well, then...
592
00:35:36,441 --> 00:35:37,721
Which one's the accelerator?
593
00:35:37,801 --> 00:35:39,481
That's the accelerator.
It isn't a pedal, I'm sure...
594
00:35:39,561 --> 00:35:41,001
How am I going to get my foot up there?
595
00:35:41,681 --> 00:35:44,001
- Um... What's that do?
- Right, well, start it.
596
00:35:44,161 --> 00:35:46,361
That's not the starter!
597
00:35:48,441 --> 00:35:50,921
Eventually,
Hammond did make it begin.
598
00:35:51,321 --> 00:35:54,761
But then we learned
he didn't know how to make it stop.
599
00:35:56,001 --> 00:35:57,161
Oh, now what have I done?
600
00:35:57,841 --> 00:35:58,961
We're going faster!
601
00:35:59,041 --> 00:36:00,961
That's not the handbrake.
Stop it. Stop it.
602
00:36:01,241 --> 00:36:03,441
Stop it now!
603
00:36:07,961 --> 00:36:09,201
Right, forwards.
604
00:36:09,281 --> 00:36:10,681
- Hang on. Now, ready.
- Forwards.
605
00:36:11,441 --> 00:36:13,161
- That's not forwards.
- No, it's not at all, is it?
606
00:36:13,241 --> 00:36:14,641
Stop it. Make it stop.
607
00:36:14,721 --> 00:36:15,881
It doesn't really want to, do you know?
608
00:36:15,961 --> 00:36:17,161
Make it stop!
609
00:36:18,401 --> 00:36:20,041
Uh, Jeremy, we've held up Monaco.
610
00:36:20,121 --> 00:36:21,601
- Have we?
- Look.
611
00:36:22,601 --> 00:36:23,721
Oh, God.
612
00:36:24,561 --> 00:36:27,481
Soon, however,
we were nearing our destination.
613
00:36:28,321 --> 00:36:30,121
It's not often I say this, Hammond,
614
00:36:30,201 --> 00:36:31,761
but you have been a genius.
615
00:36:31,881 --> 00:36:32,881
You have never said that.
616
00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,721
Because if we can't drive this,
617
00:36:36,321 --> 00:36:40,441
what chance do the valet parkers
at the Hotel de Paris have?
618
00:36:40,521 --> 00:36:42,241
None, it's the hardest thing
I've ever done.
619
00:36:42,521 --> 00:36:45,801
They'll want to move this
but they won't be able to.
620
00:36:47,521 --> 00:36:49,401
- Bonjour, monsieur.
- Hello, sir.
621
00:36:50,281 --> 00:36:51,841
Shut it down.
622
00:36:54,121 --> 00:36:55,521
All yours.
623
00:36:56,001 --> 00:36:57,721
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
624
00:36:58,121 --> 00:36:59,161
Bonjour.
625
00:37:01,441 --> 00:37:04,881
So, would the valet staff
be successful?
626
00:37:30,281 --> 00:37:31,401
No.
627
00:37:35,841 --> 00:37:38,841
So, there we go.
That is how to beat the valet parkers.
628
00:37:39,241 --> 00:37:41,761
Buy a car they can't drive.
629
00:37:41,961 --> 00:37:43,681
Yes, but the problem is
630
00:37:43,761 --> 00:37:46,361
today we are going
631
00:37:46,441 --> 00:37:48,921
down the French Riviera to Saint-Tropez
632
00:37:49,001 --> 00:37:51,201
and I'm not sure
633
00:37:51,281 --> 00:37:52,801
I want to go in that.
634
00:37:52,881 --> 00:37:55,241
I'm not sure
I'd actually go anywhere in It.
635
00:38:04,961 --> 00:38:07,401
This is a Jaguar E-Type.
636
00:38:07,761 --> 00:38:10,641
It's a 1962 Series 1 Roadster
637
00:38:10,841 --> 00:38:13,721
with the proper 3.8-litre straight six.
638
00:38:19,441 --> 00:38:22,201
And it's not just any 1962 E-Type.
639
00:38:23,161 --> 00:38:24,201
It's mine.
640
00:38:29,201 --> 00:38:31,761
And I can think of no car
641
00:38:31,841 --> 00:38:34,361
more perfect for a day like today.
642
00:38:35,521 --> 00:38:37,281
Oh, I can.
643
00:38:37,881 --> 00:38:40,201
Because I am in a V8 F-Type.
644
00:38:46,961 --> 00:38:49,881
This is faster than Hammond's E-Type.
645
00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:53,001
It's more comfortable,
more economical, more reliable,
646
00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,641
more air-conditioned
647
00:38:54,721 --> 00:38:58,041
And even though it costs?86,000,
648
00:38:58,401 --> 00:38:59,441
it's cheaper.
649
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:04,041
Wake up, Frenchies.
650
00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:07,441
Oh, that's a racket.
651
00:39:12,681 --> 00:39:14,681
Can you hear the exhausts
from back there?
652
00:39:15,801 --> 00:39:17,721
They can hear them back in Venice.
653
00:39:24,201 --> 00:39:29,681
Never has a car been more
perfectly tailored to its environment
654
00:39:29,801 --> 00:39:31,161
than this is here.
655
00:39:31,921 --> 00:39:35,121
This is where the jetset was invented.
656
00:39:39,641 --> 00:39:42,441
We are in Jag country, I can feel it.
657
00:39:46,401 --> 00:39:50,041
Not a restaurant bill will have been
paid around here for decades.
658
00:39:50,441 --> 00:39:52,961
Just Jaguar tyre marks
where they've screeched away.
659
00:39:53,041 --> 00:39:55,161
"I'm sorry.
I'll pop off and get my wallet."
660
00:39:57,841 --> 00:40:01,121
There used to be
a TV series in the '70s
661
00:40:01,201 --> 00:40:05,161
called The Persuaders!
with Roger Moore and Tony Curtis.
662
00:40:06,401 --> 00:40:08,721
And I'm hearing that music now.
663
00:40:19,561 --> 00:40:21,281
Roger Moore, Tony Curtis,
664
00:40:21,481 --> 00:40:23,881
whizzing about down here
in a Ferrari Dino
665
00:40:23,961 --> 00:40:26,001
and an Aston Martin DBS,
666
00:40:26,081 --> 00:40:27,681
solving many things,
667
00:40:29,281 --> 00:40:32,121
punching men and saving womens.
668
00:40:35,121 --> 00:40:38,401
I was enjoying it too.
Until...
669
00:40:38,761 --> 00:40:41,441
Hammond, the Picasso museum's
along here.
670
00:40:41,721 --> 00:40:42,881
We could stop and have a look.
671
00:40:44,041 --> 00:40:46,241
Really? I'm in a Jaguar,
672
00:40:46,321 --> 00:40:48,601
my E-Type, in the south of France,
673
00:40:48,681 --> 00:40:50,681
and you want me stop driving
to look at a man
674
00:40:50,761 --> 00:40:52,601
whose ears are in the wrong place?
675
00:40:52,881 --> 00:40:54,201
No, that was Van Gogh.
676
00:40:54,601 --> 00:40:56,361
Picasso's the one who puts eyes
677
00:40:56,441 --> 00:40:58,481
on the wrong side of somebody's head.
678
00:40:58,761 --> 00:41:01,921
Come on, it's a road trip.
Let's look at some pictures.
679
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:04,921
Did you not hear
what you just said?
680
00:41:05,001 --> 00:41:07,481
"It's a road trip.
Let's look at some pictures."
681
00:41:07,561 --> 00:41:08,601
No!
682
00:41:11,001 --> 00:41:13,921
Oh, why are you so uncultured?
683
00:41:19,641 --> 00:41:22,001
In Juan-les-Pins,
where all the girls have
684
00:41:22,081 --> 00:41:24,081
carefully designed topless swimsuits
685
00:41:24,161 --> 00:41:26,761
and racehorses they keep just for fun,
686
00:41:26,961 --> 00:41:29,281
for a laugh, a-ha-ha.
687
00:41:29,361 --> 00:41:32,761
we pulled over
so Hammond could look at some food.
688
00:41:36,361 --> 00:41:39,321
- What now?
- I don't like octopus.
689
00:41:39,801 --> 00:41:41,281
What's the matter with it?
690
00:41:41,361 --> 00:41:42,401
- Well...
- Do you want my truffles
691
00:41:42,481 --> 00:41:43,481
on an omelette?
692
00:41:43,561 --> 00:41:46,881
Don't like truffles.
You are ruining this trip for me.
693
00:41:47,641 --> 00:41:48,761
- Go on.
- Every time we stop for food,
694
00:41:48,841 --> 00:41:50,441
- you make me eat octopus...
- It's nice!
695
00:41:50,521 --> 00:41:52,721
...or crab's eyes or snail's legs.
696
00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:56,001
And then every time we get going again,
you make us stop again
697
00:41:56,281 --> 00:41:59,601
to Look at a pile of bricks
and then that balcony from a story.
698
00:41:59,681 --> 00:42:01,761
It's a road trip.
699
00:42:01,841 --> 00:42:04,121
We're supposed to be seeing...
Look what I've brought you to.
700
00:42:04,201 --> 00:42:05,481
On the road.
701
00:42:05,561 --> 00:42:08,401
I've brought you
to one of my favourite restaurants.
702
00:42:08,921 --> 00:42:11,041
- A table for two by the waterside...
- It's not...
703
00:42:11,121 --> 00:42:12,441
Eat it.
704
00:42:12,521 --> 00:42:14,921
- Not an eating trip, is it?
- Eat it.
705
00:42:15,561 --> 00:42:17,921
- Eat the octopus.
- It moved.
706
00:42:18,001 --> 00:42:20,681
It didn't.
It's only one of its legs.
707
00:42:21,921 --> 00:42:23,121
I...
708
00:42:23,201 --> 00:42:24,681
Would you like to stop
at a service station
709
00:42:24,761 --> 00:42:26,281
and get some crisps?
710
00:42:30,241 --> 00:42:33,121
After lunch, we went
for a stroll along the seafront
711
00:42:33,201 --> 00:42:34,721
to look at the sights.
712
00:42:34,801 --> 00:42:36,961
But because this is a family show,
713
00:42:37,041 --> 00:42:40,161
we can't show you
what those sights were.
714
00:42:53,481 --> 00:42:57,321
Eventually, though,
our ice creams melted completely
715
00:42:57,401 --> 00:42:58,841
so we set off.
716
00:43:06,761 --> 00:43:10,001
You know we were talking
about the perfect road trip?
717
00:43:17,561 --> 00:43:20,361
How wrong would the Lamborghini
and Bugatti have been here?
718
00:43:21,801 --> 00:43:23,401
Or the Ford Fiesta.
719
00:43:23,481 --> 00:43:25,041
Yeah.
720
00:43:34,561 --> 00:43:37,561
The problem is that
when we arrived in Saint-Raphael,
721
00:43:37,641 --> 00:43:39,481
the traffic was predictable.
722
00:43:40,281 --> 00:43:42,201
And so was the E-Type.
723
00:43:46,241 --> 00:43:48,561
Hammond's car is sounding poorly.
724
00:43:49,401 --> 00:43:50,601
Oh, God.
725
00:43:52,321 --> 00:43:55,801
Will it be able to do
the traffic jam into Saint-Tropez?
726
00:43:56,241 --> 00:43:57,241
Um...
727
00:43:58,001 --> 00:43:59,561
I'm honestly... I'm really...
728
00:44:00,161 --> 00:44:02,481
I am worried about her,
actually, I really am.
729
00:44:05,721 --> 00:44:06,801
Are you?
730
00:44:09,161 --> 00:44:10,761
Oh, God, that doesn't sound right.
731
00:44:11,721 --> 00:44:13,801
The sound of Britain
in the '60s.
732
00:44:13,881 --> 00:44:16,201
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding...
733
00:44:16,681 --> 00:44:18,641
"Made in the Midlands with pride.
734
00:44:19,281 --> 00:44:22,761
"Ah, we've really put this together
very nicely, we have, very nice.
735
00:44:23,281 --> 00:44:25,481
"Done a good job
with that E-Type, we have."
736
00:44:28,881 --> 00:44:31,681
Ow, dipstick's too hot,
can't touch that.
737
00:44:33,081 --> 00:44:34,321
- Oh.
- Richard.
738
00:44:34,441 --> 00:44:35,841
- What?
- I've bought you something
739
00:44:35,961 --> 00:44:36,961
to cheer you up.
740
00:44:37,201 --> 00:44:38,921
- Have you?
- It's a little present.
741
00:44:39,001 --> 00:44:40,041
Is it?
742
00:44:40,681 --> 00:44:42,161
It's a fishing net.
743
00:44:42,801 --> 00:44:45,161
I know it's not the same as an E-Type
744
00:44:45,241 --> 00:44:47,681
but now this doesn't work any more,
you can have that.
745
00:44:48,721 --> 00:44:50,361
Thank you for my fishing net.
746
00:44:50,641 --> 00:44:53,961
It's three Euros,
which is more than this is worth.
747
00:44:54,041 --> 00:44:55,121
Now.
748
00:44:55,801 --> 00:44:58,161
I then had an idea.
749
00:44:59,441 --> 00:45:01,961
We'll have a race from here
to Saint-Tropez
750
00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:03,401
but we'll stay the night, yes?
751
00:45:03,481 --> 00:45:04,881
- A race.
- What...
752
00:45:04,961 --> 00:45:06,121
No.
753
00:45:06,361 --> 00:45:07,641
- Ditch these.
- Ditch the Jags.
754
00:45:07,721 --> 00:45:08,761
You've got no choice.
755
00:45:09,241 --> 00:45:11,561
What's that new hotel called?
Hotel de Paris.
756
00:45:11,841 --> 00:45:13,481
- It's got a rooftop bar.
- Okay.
757
00:45:14,601 --> 00:45:16,161
Last one there
758
00:45:17,681 --> 00:45:21,161
has to wear an
"I love James May" T-shirt
759
00:45:21,641 --> 00:45:24,361
tomorrow, all day.
760
00:45:24,441 --> 00:45:27,201
That's quite a forfeit but, um...
761
00:45:27,281 --> 00:45:28,281
Yeah.
762
00:45:33,001 --> 00:45:37,001
I have had such a brilliant idea
763
00:45:37,561 --> 00:45:40,241
that Clarkson has had it.
764
00:45:43,161 --> 00:45:46,201
Because I am going to Saint-Tropez
on this.
765
00:45:49,521 --> 00:45:51,001
The Ducati Diavel.
766
00:45:52,401 --> 00:45:53,481
Dark.
767
00:45:57,321 --> 00:45:58,721
Are you ready, Hammond?
- Yeah.
768
00:46:01,081 --> 00:46:02,321
In three,
769
00:46:02,401 --> 00:46:04,161
two, one...
770
00:46:04,241 --> 00:46:05,481
Go!
771
00:46:10,761 --> 00:46:12,201
All right.
772
00:46:27,081 --> 00:46:29,801
I chose this bike
for a very good reason.
773
00:46:30,641 --> 00:46:33,001
The engine, 1200cc V-twin,
774
00:46:33,361 --> 00:46:36,201
taken from a Ducati sports bike,
the 1198.
775
00:46:36,281 --> 00:46:40,161
And Ducati, trust me, know a thing
or two about making fast bikes.
776
00:46:40,521 --> 00:46:43,721
162 brake horsepower, the UK edition.
777
00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:45,401
Restricted in France to 100.
778
00:46:45,481 --> 00:46:46,641
But you know what?
779
00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:49,201
That's still going to be plenty
for what I want to do today.
780
00:46:49,961 --> 00:46:51,681
Top speed about 170,
781
00:46:51,761 --> 00:46:53,761
0-60 about two and a half,
782
00:46:53,841 --> 00:46:56,521
you know, the same as a Bugatti Veyron.
783
00:47:00,561 --> 00:47:02,081
Traffic, you see?
784
00:47:02,481 --> 00:47:03,961
How's he going to get to even this?
785
00:47:04,201 --> 00:47:05,921
He's never even going to
get out of town.
786
00:47:06,521 --> 00:47:09,361
I Look cooL. It goes Like the clappers.
787
00:47:09,441 --> 00:47:11,401
Clarkson's had it here.
788
00:47:11,481 --> 00:47:13,481
There you go. See that? Clear!
789
00:47:20,121 --> 00:47:21,481
Hello.
790
00:47:21,561 --> 00:47:24,761
You join me on a Fairline Squadron 78.
791
00:47:27,521 --> 00:47:29,561
That's 78 feet long.
792
00:47:31,361 --> 00:47:34,241
The engines in this thing
are unbelievable,
793
00:47:34,841 --> 00:47:39,201
32-litre, twin turbocharged V12s.
794
00:47:40,201 --> 00:47:41,241
Here we go.
795
00:47:57,361 --> 00:47:58,721
And you can drive it like this.
796
00:48:00,281 --> 00:48:01,441
Or like that.
797
00:48:04,361 --> 00:48:05,601
And because it's a boat
798
00:48:05,681 --> 00:48:08,401
I could get to Saint- Tropez
across the bay.
799
00:48:11,361 --> 00:48:14,921
Whereas Hammond had to go
all the way round it.
800
00:48:17,601 --> 00:48:20,241
Sneaking through,
sneaking through, just.
801
00:48:21,121 --> 00:48:22,601
Every car counts.
802
00:48:22,681 --> 00:48:25,081
Any one of these could be Clarkson.
803
00:48:26,321 --> 00:48:27,481
Where is he?
804
00:48:28,281 --> 00:48:29,361
If I have been past him,
805
00:48:29,441 --> 00:48:31,161
he would have been looking at
my bottom in leather, going,
806
00:48:31,241 --> 00:48:33,761
"Oh, look, a man's bottom in leather."
He's obsessed with it.
807
00:48:39,681 --> 00:48:42,041
I don't know
what Richard Hammond is using,
808
00:48:42,121 --> 00:48:43,561
but I'm guessing
809
00:48:43,801 --> 00:48:45,801
it's a motorcycle of some sort.
810
00:48:45,881 --> 00:48:49,081
So he'll be dressed
from head to foot in leather,
811
00:48:49,161 --> 00:48:50,681
furious at the traffic,
812
00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:53,161
with his bottom...
813
00:48:53,241 --> 00:48:55,601
"Look at me, I'm on a motorbike.
814
00:48:55,681 --> 00:48:58,761
"I'm straddling a throbbing machine!"
815
00:49:00,001 --> 00:49:01,281
I'm not doing any of that.
816
00:49:03,681 --> 00:49:08,081
Got the satnav down here to bring us
onto the bearing of Saint-Tropez.
817
00:49:11,601 --> 00:49:13,321
I'm just going to take it up
a little bit more,
818
00:49:13,401 --> 00:49:15,721
2,300 rpm a side.
819
00:49:17,401 --> 00:49:20,641
Look at this. Look at this now!
820
00:49:24,001 --> 00:49:25,881
Eat my diesel, Hammond!
821
00:49:34,601 --> 00:49:36,841
I just want to come round
one of these corners
822
00:49:36,921 --> 00:49:39,361
and see a McLaren 12C.
823
00:49:39,761 --> 00:49:43,201
Or an SLS Black.
824
00:49:47,041 --> 00:49:49,961
And he will be stuck.
And I will pass him.
825
00:49:50,321 --> 00:49:52,761
And I will ask him, "Mmm, bikes.
826
00:49:52,841 --> 00:49:54,681
"Still no good?"
827
00:49:59,681 --> 00:50:01,801
Anyone fancy a drink in the crew?
828
00:50:02,361 --> 00:50:03,601
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
829
00:50:04,761 --> 00:50:06,241
Excuse me.
830
00:50:06,721 --> 00:50:07,801
Thanks very much.
831
00:50:14,001 --> 00:50:16,361
Standing traffic. Standing traffic.
832
00:50:16,441 --> 00:50:18,921
Come on, Clarkson, where are you?
833
00:50:20,121 --> 00:50:22,481
As long as nobody opens their door
or suddenly turns left,
834
00:50:23,041 --> 00:50:25,721
I can just keep
hacking through it like this.
835
00:50:26,001 --> 00:50:28,961
Oh, there you go. That's the door open.
836
00:50:29,041 --> 00:50:30,081
That's the one.
837
00:50:30,801 --> 00:50:33,041
That's the fella. There's always one.
838
00:50:34,921 --> 00:50:37,601
He's going to be in any one of these.
Any minute now I'm going to see him.
839
00:50:38,801 --> 00:50:40,441
This has got to be him.
840
00:50:40,921 --> 00:50:42,961
Ladies and gentlemen,
hello, Jeremy Clarkson.
841
00:50:44,481 --> 00:50:45,961
No. That's not him.
842
00:50:50,321 --> 00:50:52,321
With the Squadron at full chat
843
00:50:52,401 --> 00:50:55,121
and Saint-Tropez very close indeed,
844
00:50:55,201 --> 00:50:57,521
life on the boat was good.
845
00:51:01,361 --> 00:51:02,921
Grunt!
846
00:51:05,201 --> 00:51:06,321
This is more like it.
847
00:51:06,801 --> 00:51:08,241
Getting a proper move on.
848
00:51:09,521 --> 00:51:12,601
Having cleared the worst
of the Saint-Raphael traffic,
849
00:51:12,681 --> 00:51:16,121
I was now on the open road
and closing fast.
850
00:51:18,121 --> 00:51:19,881
Okay, there is, I'll be honest,
851
00:51:20,201 --> 00:51:21,681
a tiny, tiny chance
852
00:51:21,761 --> 00:51:23,961
he got through all of that traffic
and out of town
853
00:51:24,401 --> 00:51:26,201
and then caned it along here
854
00:51:26,561 --> 00:51:28,121
and I simply haven't caught him yet.
855
00:51:28,201 --> 00:51:30,041
But I've got a good suspicion
856
00:51:30,121 --> 00:51:31,881
when we get to Saint-Tropez,
857
00:51:31,961 --> 00:51:34,601
there'll be more traffic
and that is where I'll find him.
858
00:51:37,881 --> 00:51:42,561
I'm about to park my 78-foot boat
in Saint-Tropez harbour.
859
00:51:45,281 --> 00:51:46,601
This is the only slow bit,
860
00:51:46,681 --> 00:51:49,561
the wobbling about
in Saint-Tropez harbour.
861
00:51:49,641 --> 00:51:51,561
'Cause they've got
some stupid speed limit.
862
00:51:55,441 --> 00:51:57,641
Oh, good God, Look at this.
863
00:51:58,361 --> 00:52:01,801
Traffic. That's a big jam.
864
00:52:02,681 --> 00:52:04,121
Oh!
865
00:52:05,681 --> 00:52:07,961
Squeezing through, coming through,
coming through.
866
00:52:09,201 --> 00:52:10,801
As Hammond weaved his way
867
00:52:10,881 --> 00:52:13,401
through the annual
Saint-Tropez traffic jam...
868
00:52:14,521 --> 00:52:16,361
Oh, my God.
869
00:52:19,761 --> 00:52:23,001
...I was still waiting
to be given a parking space.
870
00:52:31,321 --> 00:52:33,641
Through, coming through, coming through.
871
00:52:40,481 --> 00:52:42,721
Hotel de Paris, I thank you.
872
00:52:56,481 --> 00:52:57,601
Mate!
873
00:52:58,041 --> 00:52:59,281
How are you?
874
00:53:00,001 --> 00:53:01,081
How...
875
00:53:02,761 --> 00:53:04,081
God, you look sticky.
876
00:53:04,601 --> 00:53:07,081
How the bloody hell?
877
00:53:07,361 --> 00:53:10,041
I didn't see you.
I didn't see you once.
878
00:53:10,121 --> 00:53:12,121
I saw a Ferrari F12,
I thought it was you.
879
00:53:12,881 --> 00:53:14,041
Thing is
880
00:53:14,121 --> 00:53:17,281
you've got a motorcycle licence.
881
00:53:17,841 --> 00:53:20,081
- Yes.
- Well, now, I have
882
00:53:20,161 --> 00:53:21,721
a boat Licence.
883
00:53:22,521 --> 00:53:25,241
And what this means, of course,
is tomorrow,
884
00:53:25,681 --> 00:53:27,921
while you'll be wearing a T-shirt
and that'll be cooler...
885
00:53:28,001 --> 00:53:29,041
Ah, I forgot about that.
886
00:53:29,121 --> 00:53:32,601
...it will say "I love James May" on it.
887
00:53:41,281 --> 00:53:43,561
The next morning,
Hammond was in no hurry
888
00:53:43,641 --> 00:53:45,321
to leave the hotel.
889
00:53:48,401 --> 00:53:50,121
- Hammond.
- What?
890
00:53:50,201 --> 00:53:52,081
- Hammond, come out.
- No.
891
00:53:52,841 --> 00:53:54,681
No, I'm a bit...
I haven't... I'm just packing my bag.
892
00:53:54,761 --> 00:53:57,441
- It's quarter to 9:00.
- Yeah, I'm just packing my bag.
893
00:53:57,521 --> 00:53:58,761
I'm packing.
894
00:53:59,601 --> 00:54:01,241
Actually, no, I'm not very well.
895
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:02,481
There's nobody here.
896
00:54:02,561 --> 00:54:04,241
- I'm poorly.
- Hammond!
897
00:54:04,801 --> 00:54:06,281
Right. I'm coming out.
898
00:54:12,361 --> 00:54:13,561
Ooh.
899
00:54:14,241 --> 00:54:15,881
Now, look.
900
00:54:15,961 --> 00:54:17,641
- This is bad.
- Yes.
901
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:20,081
But I'm afraid the news gets even worse.
902
00:54:20,161 --> 00:54:21,561
It can't be any worse.
903
00:54:21,721 --> 00:54:23,441
We've both chosen the same car.
904
00:54:24,281 --> 00:54:26,081
Well, that's not so bad, is it?
905
00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:37,761
- You mean there's only one?
- Yes.
906
00:54:39,921 --> 00:54:41,681
So, Saint-Tropez,
907
00:54:41,921 --> 00:54:44,481
convertible Bentley, two men.
908
00:54:48,361 --> 00:54:49,761
Oh, we are looking...
909
00:54:51,161 --> 00:54:52,321
Just realised.
910
00:54:53,081 --> 00:54:55,201
Two men in a Bentley.
911
00:54:56,681 --> 00:54:59,601
It isn't just the Bentley,
we ought to make that plain.
912
00:54:59,961 --> 00:55:02,001
It's any convertible.
913
00:55:02,081 --> 00:55:05,041
Put two men in a convertible car,
914
00:55:05,361 --> 00:55:09,321
take the roof off
and instantly, questions are raised.
915
00:55:13,201 --> 00:55:17,081
Still, at least in the car,
they couldn't see my T-shirt.
916
00:55:17,481 --> 00:55:18,481
Until...
917
00:55:18,561 --> 00:55:19,961
Why are you pulling over here?
918
00:55:20,041 --> 00:55:21,041
I just want to have a look at something.
919
00:55:21,121 --> 00:55:23,001
- What?
- Just stuff.
920
00:55:23,081 --> 00:55:24,881
- What stuff?
- Just... I want to look at the boats.
921
00:55:24,961 --> 00:55:25,961
What are you doing?
922
00:55:26,041 --> 00:55:27,801
- It's a nice place.
- I don't want to stop.
923
00:55:27,881 --> 00:55:29,961
- There's people...
- Just get out.
924
00:55:30,041 --> 00:55:31,201
No.
- Yes.
925
00:55:31,281 --> 00:55:32,401
No!
- Yes.
926
00:55:32,481 --> 00:55:33,961
No, I'm going to hide.
927
00:55:34,041 --> 00:55:35,881
I'm not getting out.
I'm getting in here.
928
00:55:37,241 --> 00:55:38,401
I'm on my own.
929
00:55:44,001 --> 00:55:45,481
Oh, God.
930
00:55:46,161 --> 00:55:48,601
I'm just going to go for a walk
and leave him.
931
00:55:51,641 --> 00:55:53,081
Make this end.
932
00:56:04,921 --> 00:56:06,481
I Lost a bet.
933
00:56:08,481 --> 00:56:09,841
Oh, God.
934
00:56:11,921 --> 00:56:13,761
Jeremy, can we go now?
935
00:56:14,281 --> 00:56:15,441
No.
936
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:17,561
Do any of these boats have propellers
937
00:56:17,641 --> 00:56:19,921
and are any of them likely
to be running right now?
938
00:56:20,841 --> 00:56:22,721
Paparazzi again.
There's quite a lot of paps here.
939
00:56:22,801 --> 00:56:24,521
Yeah. So let's go.
940
00:56:25,641 --> 00:56:27,921
There was, however,
a small problem.
941
00:56:31,001 --> 00:56:33,001
Was it...
Is this where it was?
942
00:56:33,081 --> 00:56:35,001
- Yes.
- Well, it's not, is it?
943
00:56:37,841 --> 00:56:39,121
I tell you why it's not.
944
00:56:39,201 --> 00:56:41,041
You can't park here, can you?
945
00:56:41,121 --> 00:56:43,881
Can you park here?
Are you allowed to... What?
946
00:56:45,001 --> 00:56:46,961
No, you can't park here or that's
a picture of a car being towed.
947
00:56:47,041 --> 00:56:50,161
- Do you know, I genuinely...
- Has the car been towed away?
948
00:56:50,561 --> 00:56:51,761
Well, yes.
949
00:56:52,841 --> 00:56:54,241
Just you wait here
950
00:56:54,321 --> 00:56:55,321
and I'LL go get it.
951
00:56:55,401 --> 00:56:57,241
- Just relax.
- Yeah.
952
00:56:57,321 --> 00:56:59,521
It's not far, actually,
I'll be back in an hour.
953
00:57:03,641 --> 00:57:07,321
I'm sure somebody somewhere
at some time has been unhappier.
954
00:57:14,001 --> 00:57:16,601
Please, please, please, please.
955
00:57:19,001 --> 00:57:21,081
No, not funny. Not even halfway funny.
956
00:57:22,281 --> 00:57:23,961
Open the damn door.
Jeremy, open the door.
957
00:57:25,161 --> 00:57:26,361
How do you do that?
958
00:57:26,641 --> 00:57:27,801
I'm getting in.
959
00:57:31,361 --> 00:57:33,241
Now, at this point
you may be wondering
960
00:57:33,321 --> 00:57:35,641
why both of us chose a Bentley.
961
00:57:36,041 --> 00:57:40,081
Well, partly it's because we think
that these days, it looks good.
962
00:57:40,521 --> 00:57:42,721
But mostly it's
because it's now available
963
00:57:42,801 --> 00:57:46,761
with a brilliant lighter,
louder 4-litre V8.
964
00:57:48,041 --> 00:57:50,681
Not that this was foremost
in Hammond's mind.
965
00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,281
- Jeremy Clarkson.
- Yes.
966
00:57:53,841 --> 00:57:55,721
Have you put my seat heater on full?
967
00:57:55,801 --> 00:57:57,921
Yes, I have.
968
00:57:58,001 --> 00:57:59,001
Oh, mate, that's...
969
00:57:59,081 --> 00:58:01,281
- Yes! Result.
- Oh!
970
00:58:01,361 --> 00:58:02,641
Just horrific.
971
00:58:02,721 --> 00:58:04,761
- That's a result right there.
- Oh!
972
00:58:05,641 --> 00:58:07,481
Then I got another result.
973
00:58:07,561 --> 00:58:09,681
A clear, open road.
974
00:58:16,801 --> 00:58:18,561
"It's got a bit of poke."
975
00:58:23,321 --> 00:58:25,641
- Whoa!
- Oh, that's how it should sound.
976
00:58:28,801 --> 00:58:29,841
Do you know
what it feels like?
977
00:58:31,081 --> 00:58:33,081
- An sportscar.
- It does.
978
00:58:38,241 --> 00:58:39,641
Have you put my seat heater on?
979
00:58:40,001 --> 00:58:41,041
Yes, I have.
980
00:58:42,801 --> 00:58:44,481
I'm really sor...
981
00:58:50,801 --> 00:58:52,161
It's a machine, this.
982
00:58:52,761 --> 00:58:55,121
Hello, machine!
983
00:59:00,161 --> 00:59:02,401
One of the reasons
why I like this car so much,
984
00:59:02,681 --> 00:59:05,721
you know it isn't just a Bentley badge,
985
00:59:05,801 --> 00:59:09,441
there's some properly difficult
engineering that's gone into this car.
986
00:59:12,001 --> 00:59:14,281
Jeremy, have you put
my seat heater on again? You...
987
00:59:14,361 --> 00:59:16,921
That's not... I...
988
00:59:18,241 --> 00:59:19,281
Oh.
989
00:59:19,361 --> 00:59:22,081
And if I lift myself up,
they can see my T-shirt better
990
00:59:22,161 --> 00:59:24,961
and if I sit down, I cook. God!
991
00:59:29,841 --> 00:59:31,401
So, clever engine,
992
00:59:31,481 --> 00:59:33,281
clever four-wheel-drive system,
993
00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:35,241
looks a lot better these days.
994
00:59:35,321 --> 00:59:36,401
Great noise.
995
00:59:37,521 --> 00:59:38,601
Great noise.
996
00:59:38,681 --> 00:59:40,081
It's a great car.
997
00:59:40,161 --> 00:59:43,761
The problem it has still
is that Rooney flavour.
998
00:59:44,161 --> 00:59:46,161
The whiff of Wayne means
999
00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:49,481
you do feel embarrassed
to turn up in it.
1000
00:59:50,161 --> 00:59:51,361
Hammond!
1001
00:59:52,241 --> 00:59:55,641
Stop putting my seat heater on.
1002
00:59:58,361 --> 01:00:02,001
Soon, despite the hot seats,
the hot car and the hot sun,
1003
01:00:02,561 --> 01:00:04,801
the atmosphere became frosty.
1004
01:00:09,441 --> 01:00:11,961
So we decided to split up.
1005
01:00:26,441 --> 01:00:30,481
And then I decided to look at a building
that had mostly fallen over.
1006
01:00:37,121 --> 01:00:38,121
Look at this.
1007
01:00:39,161 --> 01:00:41,361
Yes, look, there's a wild boar,
there we are.
1008
01:00:41,521 --> 01:00:43,121
This is a hunting scene.
1009
01:00:44,241 --> 01:00:46,281
Hammond, there's a hunting scene!
1010
01:00:47,161 --> 01:00:48,161
Hammond!
1011
01:00:48,721 --> 01:00:50,761
It's like there's a mausoleum
1012
01:00:50,841 --> 01:00:55,161
- and a sort of triumphal arch.
- Don't talk to me, I don't care.
1013
01:00:55,241 --> 01:00:57,681
I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to know, I really don't!
1014
01:00:57,761 --> 01:00:58,761
I'm sick of it.
1015
01:00:58,961 --> 01:01:01,801
This is ridiculous.
I've eaten crab's eyes,
1016
01:01:01,881 --> 01:01:04,801
I've looked at a balcony from a story.
No, seriously, it's my turn.
1017
01:01:05,281 --> 01:01:06,961
It's my turn to decide what we do next.
1018
01:01:07,041 --> 01:01:09,521
And what we're doing next
is going rally driving.
1019
01:01:10,041 --> 01:01:12,041
- What, in a Maserati Quattroporte?
- No.
1020
01:01:12,121 --> 01:01:13,761
- And a Rolls-Royce Phantom?
- No.
1021
01:01:13,841 --> 01:01:14,841
I've had a good idea.
1022
01:01:20,001 --> 01:01:22,441
This is the circuit Sambre,
1023
01:01:23,561 --> 01:01:27,401
endless kilometres
of unrelenting French rally stage.
1024
01:01:29,961 --> 01:01:32,561
And a place The Stig knows well.
1025
01:01:35,961 --> 01:01:37,561
- What?
- Well,
1026
01:01:37,641 --> 01:01:39,441
this is The Stig's summer retreat, yeah?
1027
01:01:39,521 --> 01:01:41,601
He comes here every year and does that.
1028
01:01:41,961 --> 01:01:44,081
- And he says...
- What do you mean, he does that?
1029
01:01:44,321 --> 01:01:46,641
Well, in winter he goes ice racing.
Summer, he comes here.
1030
01:01:46,721 --> 01:01:48,001
Three weeks of that he does.
1031
01:01:48,281 --> 01:01:51,121
- What, non-stop?
- Yeah, gets in the car, three weeks,
1032
01:01:51,201 --> 01:01:53,841
and then three weeks later,
gets out, goes home.
1033
01:01:53,921 --> 01:01:56,641
That's his holiday.
Anyway, he says we could use it
1034
01:01:56,721 --> 01:01:57,921
to do our rally driving.
1035
01:01:58,001 --> 01:01:59,281
- It's too hot.
- Dah!
1036
01:01:59,641 --> 01:02:00,841
I have actually thought of that.
1037
01:02:01,161 --> 01:02:03,281
- You like a convertible, don't you?
- Yeah.
1038
01:02:03,761 --> 01:02:06,841
Why don't we rally-drive convertibles?
1039
01:02:07,001 --> 01:02:09,281
- It's too dusty.
- Now, do one thing for me,
1040
01:02:09,361 --> 01:02:11,081
we're going to go and get
some convertibles,
1041
01:02:11,761 --> 01:02:13,601
turn them into rally cars and do that!
1042
01:02:14,041 --> 01:02:15,481
I can't do rally driving.
1043
01:02:15,761 --> 01:02:17,641
- It's easy, just...
- I can't!
1044
01:02:17,721 --> 01:02:19,081
I can't drive on loose surfaces...
1045
01:02:23,681 --> 01:02:25,521
This is what I've got.
1046
01:02:25,601 --> 01:02:27,841
Nissan 350Z.
1047
01:02:30,321 --> 01:02:31,601
Three-and-a-half-litre V6,
1048
01:02:31,681 --> 01:02:34,761
276 brake horsepower, rear-wheel drive.
1049
01:02:36,841 --> 01:02:38,601
Now, you might be looking
at it, thinking, "Well,
1050
01:02:39,201 --> 01:02:40,881
"it doesn't look much like a rally car."
1051
01:02:41,281 --> 01:02:44,001
But hold on,
this car is a direct descendant
1052
01:02:44,081 --> 01:02:45,721
of the Datsun 240Z,
1053
01:02:45,801 --> 01:02:48,441
a car that owned world rallying.
1054
01:02:48,521 --> 01:02:50,881
So this has got history.
1055
01:02:51,521 --> 01:02:52,961
It's going to be brilliant.
1056
01:02:59,841 --> 01:03:00,881
I've got a BMW.
1057
01:03:02,041 --> 01:03:05,081
No history of rallying at all,
it's one of the reasons I like it.
1058
01:03:05,201 --> 01:03:07,001
Well, come on, tell us about it,
what engine has it got?
1059
01:03:07,081 --> 01:03:08,681
Two-and-a-half-litre straight 6.
1060
01:03:08,761 --> 01:03:10,921
1000cc
less than the Nissan. Power?
1061
01:03:11,601 --> 01:03:13,281
192?
1062
01:03:13,521 --> 01:03:15,521
That's about 80 horsepower less.
Torque?
1063
01:03:16,081 --> 01:03:17,081
180.
1064
01:03:17,161 --> 01:03:19,481
- That's about 80 torques less.
- Good!
1065
01:03:19,561 --> 01:03:20,881
- What do you mean, "good"?
- Good!
1066
01:03:20,961 --> 01:03:24,001
Jeremy, you're not really getting
into the competitive spirit of this.
1067
01:03:24,081 --> 01:03:27,041
I don't like driving without friction!
1068
01:03:27,401 --> 01:03:29,561
Open-top rally
is going to be the next big thing.
1069
01:03:29,641 --> 01:03:32,081
Let's go and convert these
into rally cars.
1070
01:03:33,561 --> 01:03:37,081
This meant finding a workshop
and cueing the music.
1071
01:03:42,761 --> 01:03:43,761
Got it.
1072
01:03:48,521 --> 01:03:49,521
Oh, yes.
1073
01:03:49,681 --> 01:03:50,681
God, I'm good.
1074
01:03:53,361 --> 01:03:56,281
That will make up
for the horsepower deficit
1075
01:03:56,361 --> 01:03:57,801
that I have on Richard's car.
1076
01:04:01,121 --> 01:04:02,881
This is August.
1077
01:04:06,641 --> 01:04:08,041
Now Mr April.
1078
01:04:17,041 --> 01:04:19,401
My roll-cage is complete.
1079
01:04:27,441 --> 01:04:30,041
The next day,
our cars were ready.
1080
01:04:30,281 --> 01:04:33,481
And so was the sky.
1081
01:04:40,281 --> 01:04:42,201
This is all just fantastic.
1082
01:04:42,281 --> 01:04:44,721
Suddenly, perfect rallying
weather is coming.
1083
01:04:45,161 --> 01:04:47,761
Bit of rain, mud, mist on the hills,
1084
01:04:47,841 --> 01:04:50,081
and my car is now perfect.
1085
01:04:50,241 --> 01:04:52,241
Haven't gone over the top
with the modifications.
1086
01:04:52,441 --> 01:04:54,641
New wheels, new tyres, roll-cage,
1087
01:04:54,961 --> 01:04:57,001
sponsorship stickers,
can't have real ones,
1088
01:04:57,081 --> 01:04:59,641
BBC objects, but we've made 'em up
to put you in the mood.
1089
01:04:59,841 --> 01:05:03,721
Inside, racing seat,
full harness, that's enough.
1090
01:05:04,121 --> 01:05:05,641
This is going to be amazing.
1091
01:05:08,361 --> 01:05:09,361
I just copied him.
1092
01:05:10,521 --> 01:05:14,161
And now he's going to drive about
in his Datsun in the mud.
1093
01:05:18,081 --> 01:05:20,721
He was right I couldn't wait.
1094
01:05:27,601 --> 01:05:29,081
Oh, yes!
1095
01:05:30,401 --> 01:05:33,201
It's actually raining, I'm in a rally.
This is perfect!
1096
01:05:41,441 --> 01:05:44,241
After all the stupid food
and looking at rocks.
1097
01:05:45,041 --> 01:05:49,201
to come out and do something
genuinely exciting and real and...
1098
01:05:49,881 --> 01:05:51,521
I've come alive.
1099
01:05:53,801 --> 01:05:54,801
Oh, yes!
1100
01:05:57,961 --> 01:06:00,721
Hammond is out now in that.
1101
01:06:04,521 --> 01:06:06,321
The man is insane!
1102
01:06:11,121 --> 01:06:13,841
Bring it on, let's have more. Come on!
1103
01:06:14,601 --> 01:06:15,601
You call that rain?
1104
01:06:19,921 --> 01:06:21,441
Oh!
1105
01:06:21,521 --> 01:06:24,521
This is my favourite place
in the world now.
1106
01:06:27,641 --> 01:06:28,641
Ah!
1107
01:06:28,721 --> 01:06:30,921
I'm sorry, Hammond,
do try to explain it to me,
1108
01:06:31,001 --> 01:06:33,081
'cause I'm struggling to get it.
1109
01:06:33,161 --> 01:06:35,801
It's about the most fun
I've had in a very long time.
1110
01:06:35,881 --> 01:06:37,441
I can see why The Stig comes here.
1111
01:06:37,761 --> 01:06:39,401
- You're covered in mud.
- Yeah.
1112
01:06:39,481 --> 01:06:41,961
- There's a massive thunderstorm raging.
- Yeah, I know.
1113
01:06:42,041 --> 01:06:44,001
I know, even the weather's better here.
It's perfect.
1114
01:06:44,081 --> 01:06:45,201
What do you mean, it's better?
1115
01:06:49,481 --> 01:06:51,241
- Hammond, do I have to do this?
- Yep.
1116
01:06:51,361 --> 01:06:54,401
It's my thing today,
and this is what we're doing.
1117
01:06:54,761 --> 01:06:57,521
And so, to show
what a good sport I am,
1118
01:06:57,961 --> 01:06:59,321
I obliged.
1119
01:07:01,761 --> 01:07:03,761
Oh, God's truth!
1120
01:07:07,001 --> 01:07:08,641
Oh! That hurt.
1121
01:07:09,841 --> 01:07:11,001
So, discomfort...
1122
01:07:12,361 --> 01:07:14,801
Oh! That's just horrible!
1123
01:07:16,081 --> 01:07:17,081
Danger.
1124
01:07:17,521 --> 01:07:19,401
Misery, cold.
1125
01:07:22,161 --> 01:07:24,881
Slithering around at 21 miles an hour.
1126
01:07:25,481 --> 01:07:27,241
Oh, no! Bloody...
1127
01:07:28,561 --> 01:07:30,601
I've just had a brown shower.
1128
01:07:31,801 --> 01:07:34,521
That really was the final straw.
1129
01:07:36,081 --> 01:07:38,641
And then it turned out it wasn't.
1130
01:07:39,321 --> 01:07:42,641
So, we got the hang of it,
we now know the course, yeah?
1131
01:07:43,161 --> 01:07:44,921
Time for timed laps.
1132
01:07:45,801 --> 01:07:47,041
- What?
- Well, we do timed laps now,
1133
01:07:47,121 --> 01:07:49,441
that's what we do.
I reckon if we do 10 each
1134
01:07:49,521 --> 01:07:51,641
and then we can just work out
how consistent we are,
1135
01:07:51,721 --> 01:07:54,321
where we can just
shave those extra seconds out, yeah?
1136
01:07:54,721 --> 01:07:56,921
Tomorrow, you are going to eat
1137
01:07:57,001 --> 01:07:59,161
a badger's left teste.
1138
01:08:02,481 --> 01:08:05,841
And so, flying
in the face of common sense,
1139
01:08:07,441 --> 01:08:08,721
we got back out there.
1140
01:08:13,241 --> 01:08:16,281
Timed laps now, so it's really critical
1141
01:08:16,361 --> 01:08:19,241
to just be brave enough
to keep that power in.
1142
01:08:22,721 --> 01:08:24,961
What's the point
of timed laps?
1143
01:08:25,601 --> 01:08:29,041
He's got 80 more horsepower...
Oh!... more than I have.
1144
01:08:29,481 --> 01:08:31,361
He's better at it than I am.
1145
01:08:31,481 --> 01:08:34,121
And he's got
a limited-slip differential.
1146
01:08:35,321 --> 01:08:36,521
I haven't got one of those.
1147
01:08:36,601 --> 01:08:40,281
So, when I go round the corner,
one wheel spins and that's It.
1148
01:08:43,281 --> 01:08:46,761
Woo-hoo! God, it feels
good when you get it right.
1149
01:08:49,401 --> 01:08:50,401
Whoa!
1150
01:08:50,921 --> 01:08:52,401
Oh! Oh, my!
1151
01:08:55,161 --> 01:08:56,161
He will have been...
1152
01:08:58,841 --> 01:09:01,361
Oh, here he comes,
I can see his teeth from here.
1153
01:09:03,561 --> 01:09:07,081
Right, overtaking on a rally stage.
This is interesting.
1154
01:09:10,321 --> 01:09:11,321
Oh, he's coming through!
1155
01:09:11,841 --> 01:09:15,121
Oh, no! The hideous little Brummie
has torn past!
1156
01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:17,321
A- ha! Got you!
1157
01:09:18,801 --> 01:09:20,841
Oh, he's done it...
Oh, he's just made everything
1158
01:09:20,921 --> 01:09:23,441
much worse now, I can't see a thing.
1159
01:09:26,801 --> 01:09:27,801
Muddy goggles.
1160
01:09:33,601 --> 01:09:38,161
Every bone in his crotch,
that is what I'm going to break.
1161
01:09:44,481 --> 01:09:45,481
Oh!
1162
01:09:47,721 --> 01:09:49,521
Soon, the weather got so bad,
1163
01:09:49,601 --> 01:09:52,001
even Hammond couldn't
see where he was going.
1164
01:09:53,521 --> 01:09:56,161
Shit! Shit! Oh!
1165
01:09:57,841 --> 01:10:02,241
So, he suggested we stop
for one of his special rallying lunches.
1166
01:10:03,681 --> 01:10:05,561
Mmm. Okay, tuck in.
1167
01:10:05,961 --> 01:10:07,841
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
1168
01:10:07,921 --> 01:10:11,001
'Cause this part of France
is famous for its hotdogs.
1169
01:10:11,281 --> 01:10:12,961
It's got French mustard on it.
1170
01:10:13,521 --> 01:10:15,521
- Yeah...
- Wait a minute.
1171
01:10:15,601 --> 01:10:16,601
What?
1172
01:10:16,881 --> 01:10:18,801
You do know what's
in that sausage, don't you?
1173
01:10:19,361 --> 01:10:21,521
- Sausage.
- Pigs' toenails,
1174
01:10:21,601 --> 01:10:22,601
eyelashes...
1175
01:10:24,281 --> 01:10:28,161
Shut up and enjoy it. And, anyway, while
you enjoy it, I've got the timings here.
1176
01:10:28,401 --> 01:10:31,961
I'm around the 1:16, 1:13,
that kind of mark.
1177
01:10:32,041 --> 01:10:34,801
- Mmm-hmm.
- You're 1:53, 1:46...
1178
01:10:34,881 --> 01:10:36,681
I've got soil in my ears!
1179
01:10:36,761 --> 01:10:40,921
135, 140... Basically, what this
is showing is that I am clearly
1180
01:10:41,001 --> 01:10:43,001
a lot better at this than you.
1181
01:10:43,081 --> 01:10:44,441
- I'll do you a deal.
- What?
1182
01:10:44,521 --> 01:10:46,361
We will do one more lap.
1183
01:10:46,441 --> 01:10:47,561
Do-or-die lap.
1184
01:10:48,441 --> 01:10:52,121
If I'm faster, we leave immediately.
1185
01:10:52,201 --> 01:10:53,401
- If you're faster than me?
- Yes.
1186
01:10:53,481 --> 01:10:57,081
All right, well, if I'm faster,
we carry on till dark.
1187
01:10:58,761 --> 01:11:00,241
- You'll do that?
- Mmm-hmm.
1188
01:11:00,321 --> 01:11:01,321
- Seriously?
- Mmm-hmm.
1189
01:11:02,041 --> 01:11:03,041
All right.
1190
01:11:07,641 --> 01:11:09,081
I went first.
1191
01:11:15,241 --> 01:11:16,281
And we're off.
1192
01:11:17,761 --> 01:11:20,681
Right, now, I don't want to just
beat him, I want to humiliate him.
1193
01:11:24,641 --> 01:11:26,761
Oh, yes! That was correct.
1194
01:11:29,241 --> 01:11:30,321
Oh!
1195
01:11:30,481 --> 01:11:33,041
That was a monstrous dump
from below there.
1196
01:11:36,801 --> 01:11:38,921
Nature is joining in with us now.
1197
01:11:40,441 --> 01:11:43,721
Oh, this is just epically good fun.
1198
01:11:56,561 --> 01:11:59,761
All right, Jeremy, I reckon if you get
within a minute of that,
1199
01:11:59,841 --> 01:12:02,081
I'll be staggered. Not a chance.
1200
01:12:03,561 --> 01:12:05,201
Filled with determination,
1201
01:12:05,281 --> 01:12:08,241
I lined up the BMW on the start line.
1202
01:12:14,041 --> 01:12:16,361
Right, I am going to win this
1203
01:12:16,441 --> 01:12:18,721
and then we can stop doing it.
1204
01:12:18,801 --> 01:12:20,441
That's... Oh! Hang on a minute.
1205
01:12:22,561 --> 01:12:24,001
Yes!
1206
01:12:24,521 --> 01:12:25,561
What do you think of that?
1207
01:12:27,641 --> 01:12:30,441
Sneaky beaky. Yes!
1208
01:12:34,761 --> 01:12:35,841
Yes!
1209
01:12:39,361 --> 01:12:41,561
The gods are on my side.
1210
01:12:45,481 --> 01:12:48,401
This is going to be one hell of a Lap!
1211
01:12:56,641 --> 01:12:59,281
We then met up to see how we'd done.
1212
01:13:00,361 --> 01:13:04,841
Richard Hammond, you did
it in one minute, 17.3.
1213
01:13:04,921 --> 01:13:07,321
- Not my fastest but not bad.
- Well, it was a standing start.
1214
01:13:07,441 --> 01:13:09,321
It was, yes, of course it was.
Yes, go on, them.
1215
01:13:09,681 --> 01:13:11,921
- Me, 28 seconds...
- Yes?
1216
01:13:12,881 --> 01:13:13,961
One minute what?
1217
01:13:14,201 --> 01:13:15,321
28 seconds.
1218
01:13:16,801 --> 01:13:19,321
How did you find a minute in the...
1219
01:13:20,361 --> 01:13:22,961
- I mean...
- Ultimate driving machine.
1220
01:13:23,401 --> 01:13:25,001
And a BMW Z4.
1221
01:13:25,481 --> 01:13:26,521
Really?
1222
01:13:28,161 --> 01:13:30,641
I left immediately.
1223
01:13:33,721 --> 01:13:37,801
And set off on the 350-mile drive to Pau
1224
01:13:38,841 --> 01:13:42,041
in a V12 Aston Martin.
1225
01:13:47,441 --> 01:13:50,241
Hammond, meanwhile,
was in a Volkswagen Beetle
1226
01:13:50,321 --> 01:13:52,241
and moaning, as usual.
1227
01:13:53,001 --> 01:13:55,081
His cheating is getting out of control.
1228
01:13:55,161 --> 01:13:58,401
There's no point doing anything
if he's just going to borrow The Stig
1229
01:13:58,481 --> 01:14:01,681
or cut a corner, which I can only
imagine is what he did in that instance.
1230
01:14:01,801 --> 01:14:04,481
It must have been one hell
of a corner, he can't even cheat well!
1231
01:14:07,721 --> 01:14:11,481
I admit my shortcut was a bit short.
1232
01:14:11,561 --> 01:14:15,361
And the time was a bit implausible.
But look,
1233
01:14:15,441 --> 01:14:20,041
the weather is improving and now
I'm in an Aston Martin Vanquish.
1234
01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:31,241
This is a truly magnificent car.
1235
01:14:31,321 --> 01:14:33,801
Best Aston yet by a long way.
1236
01:14:33,881 --> 01:14:37,401
It's a blend of the hardcore DBS
1237
01:14:37,481 --> 01:14:39,641
and the slightly softer Virage.
1238
01:14:42,121 --> 01:14:43,321
It's just tremendous.
1239
01:14:43,961 --> 01:14:46,321
And now I shall hand you
over to Richard Hammond,
1240
01:14:46,401 --> 01:14:49,601
who shall try to explain
why the Porsche 911
1241
01:14:49,681 --> 01:14:52,481
that he's driving
is in some way different
1242
01:14:52,561 --> 01:14:56,241
to all the Porsche 911s
that have gone before.
1243
01:14:57,801 --> 01:15:00,881
How can he go on about 911s
all being the same?
1244
01:15:01,121 --> 01:15:04,641
Let me talk you through
the Aston Martin range.
1245
01:15:04,721 --> 01:15:07,561
Vantage V8, V12 Vantage,
1246
01:15:07,641 --> 01:15:11,161
DB9, DBS, Virage, that.
1247
01:15:11,241 --> 01:15:13,081
they're all exactly the same.
1248
01:15:13,161 --> 01:15:15,241
Aston Martin came up with the design.
1249
01:15:15,321 --> 01:15:16,761
thought, "Oh, that looks pretty.
1250
01:15:16,841 --> 01:15:20,121
"Let's call it lots of different things
and then more people will buy it."
1251
01:15:20,841 --> 01:15:21,961
It's just another one.
1252
01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:25,641
C2, C2S, C4, C4S,
1253
01:15:26,361 --> 01:15:32,721
GT2, GT3, Turbo, 997, 996, 993...
1254
01:15:32,881 --> 01:15:35,121
The new 911 is called the 991,
1255
01:15:35,201 --> 01:15:38,161
it's longer and wider
than the previous 911.
1256
01:15:38,241 --> 01:15:42,841
It's got a new engine, new gear box,
new interior and new steering.
1257
01:15:42,921 --> 01:15:45,321
This is the critical point,
for the first time,
1258
01:15:45,401 --> 01:15:48,761
the steering is electric
rather than purely hydraulic.
1259
01:15:49,441 --> 01:15:51,681
Just as I was getting into the groove,
1260
01:15:51,961 --> 01:15:54,201
Jeremy pulled off again.
1261
01:16:00,161 --> 01:16:01,281
What now?
1262
01:16:01,841 --> 01:16:05,281
Well, I thought it would be a good idea,
since we're at Pau tomorrow,
1263
01:16:05,921 --> 01:16:08,641
to reacquaint ourselves with the concept
1264
01:16:08,721 --> 01:16:10,521
of driving while under
the influence of friction.
1265
01:16:10,761 --> 01:16:11,841
I don't like friction.
1266
01:16:12,921 --> 01:16:15,041
Pau, mate. It's Pau.
1267
01:16:15,241 --> 01:16:17,801
They've been racing there since 1901.
1268
01:16:18,241 --> 01:16:19,801
Fangio has raced there,
1269
01:16:19,881 --> 01:16:23,161
Jim Clark, Jackie Stewart.
This is a big deal.
1270
01:16:23,521 --> 01:16:28,361
This is... It's Bethlehem
for any motoring enthusiast.
1271
01:16:29,521 --> 01:16:30,961
So, what's it got to do with that?
1272
01:16:31,241 --> 01:16:32,681
We've got to get match fit.
1273
01:16:33,081 --> 01:16:35,761
And then when we get to Pau tomorrow...
1274
01:16:36,681 --> 01:16:38,841
- We'll be worthy of it.
- Mmm-hmm.
1275
01:16:50,121 --> 01:16:52,601
Straightaway,
I was very happy.
1276
01:16:53,321 --> 01:16:56,121
No wet track, no mud,
1277
01:16:56,201 --> 01:16:58,481
no rain, no diphtheria.
1278
01:17:04,521 --> 01:17:07,801
This is one
tight and twisty little track.
1279
01:17:12,801 --> 01:17:15,401
Right, now, let's turn the Aston
1280
01:17:15,481 --> 01:17:20,521
from a road car into something
more track-based.
1281
01:17:20,601 --> 01:17:23,521
We'll push this button here,
that firms up the suspension.
1282
01:17:23,601 --> 01:17:26,721
and then push this one, S,
I think it stands for "silly".
1283
01:17:27,321 --> 01:17:28,441
'Cause when you push it... Ready?
1284
01:17:28,841 --> 01:17:31,761
The whole car goes, "Hmm, what?"
It's like saying "walkies" to a dog.
1285
01:17:31,841 --> 01:17:32,921
"Oh, really? Walkies?"
1286
01:17:39,801 --> 01:17:44,201
This has the same basic engine that
was fitted to the original Vanquish.
1287
01:17:44,921 --> 01:17:47,441
And that was comparable
at the time to the Ferrari 550
1288
01:17:47,521 --> 01:17:49,041
or 575.
1289
01:17:50,281 --> 01:17:53,641
Since then, Ferrari have moved on,
they're at the F12 now.
1290
01:17:56,321 --> 01:17:59,121
This doesn't even have
a double-clutch gearbox.
1291
01:17:59,881 --> 01:18:03,001
It's an old 7-speed slushmatic.
1292
01:18:05,121 --> 01:18:07,921
Each gear is delivered
by an elderly butler.
1293
01:18:08,361 --> 01:18:10,961
"I'd like third now, Jeeves."
"Certainly, sir, I'll just
1294
01:18:11,481 --> 01:18:13,761
"pop off and get it.
I think it's in my pantry.
1295
01:18:14,761 --> 01:18:16,201
"There you are, sir."
1296
01:18:17,601 --> 01:18:21,161
Very smooth,
lovely on the road, not brilliant here.
1297
01:18:25,361 --> 01:18:26,841
It's a bit of an ark, this.
1298
01:18:26,921 --> 01:18:28,561
It's a very pretty ark.
1299
01:18:28,961 --> 01:18:32,921
But when you stick it into
a corner on a track...
1300
01:18:38,001 --> 01:18:41,801
you know that beneath
the carbon fibre body,
1301
01:18:42,761 --> 01:18:44,441
everything's a bit old.
1302
01:18:50,921 --> 01:18:54,281
Not that theres much
wrong with old, as you can see.
1303
01:18:57,681 --> 01:18:59,601
Mean while, far behind...
1304
01:19:05,801 --> 01:19:09,281
Hammond was
revelling in the new 917's grip.
1305
01:19:11,521 --> 01:19:14,241
God, this thing is planted.
1306
01:19:20,121 --> 01:19:22,041
Still a 3.8-litre flat six,
1307
01:19:22,121 --> 01:19:24,961
it's still mounted at the back
of the car, it's still compact.
1308
01:19:26,801 --> 01:19:30,121
The big issue, though,
is that electric steering.
1309
01:19:34,241 --> 01:19:38,681
It's not talking to me. It's not...
It should be telling me everything
1310
01:19:38,761 --> 01:19:41,521
by going slightly
light at the front under power.
1311
01:19:41,601 --> 01:19:44,721
It means the front wheels can move
around a little bit more
1312
01:19:44,801 --> 01:19:46,521
than they would in an ordinary car.
1313
01:19:49,281 --> 01:19:51,601
And the steering wheel
should be telling me about that,
1314
01:19:51,681 --> 01:19:55,041
that's what lets me know it is a 911
1315
01:19:55,161 --> 01:19:57,361
and not an R8 or a Jaguar.
1316
01:20:05,361 --> 01:20:07,521
Does it feel like a 911?
1317
01:20:09,801 --> 01:20:11,921
I don't think it does.
1318
01:20:13,521 --> 01:20:16,801
And for Pau, I want something
that's more of a 911.
1319
01:20:18,641 --> 01:20:20,241
And I've had a very good idea for that.
1320
01:20:25,161 --> 01:20:27,401
I shall be using this,
1321
01:20:27,601 --> 01:20:31,081
the brand-new Porsche 991 GT3.
1322
01:20:34,001 --> 01:20:35,801
I am desperate to drive it.
1323
01:20:36,081 --> 01:20:38,161
It's lighter, lower, faster.
1324
01:20:38,241 --> 01:20:40,841
This is my unicorn,
1325
01:20:41,081 --> 01:20:42,961
my Helena.
1326
01:20:43,161 --> 01:20:45,481
Track-focused the GT3 may be,
1327
01:20:47,121 --> 01:20:50,921
but at Pau, it would be no
match for my choice.
1328
01:20:54,201 --> 01:20:56,521
The single-seater BACMono.
1329
01:20:56,961 --> 01:21:00,881
One of the fastest cars ever
to take on the Top Gear test track.
1330
01:21:02,361 --> 01:21:06,721
Purity simplified,
light, agile, balanced.
1331
01:21:08,001 --> 01:21:09,441
Perfect.
1332
01:21:11,881 --> 01:21:15,281
As men set about fettling our cars
for the big day...
1333
01:21:21,481 --> 01:21:25,001
we ruminated on all the boats
and bikes and cars
1334
01:21:25,281 --> 01:21:27,521
that we'd used on our journey.
1335
01:21:30,321 --> 01:21:32,201
Hammond!
1336
01:21:33,041 --> 01:21:37,361
And we tried to work out
which one we'd liked the best.
1337
01:21:43,961 --> 01:21:47,081
I loved that little Fiesta ST,
I really did.
1338
01:21:47,441 --> 01:21:50,521
I actually loved driving the Model-T,
crazy though that is.
1339
01:21:50,921 --> 01:21:52,761
I enjoyed the Ducati.
1340
01:21:52,921 --> 01:21:57,121
But for some reason, the Ferrari F12
has really stayed with me.
1341
01:21:57,201 --> 01:22:00,641
I thought it had presence and drama
and it's fast!
1342
01:22:00,801 --> 01:22:05,481
I wouldn't have the SLS 'cause
that's too much to use every day.
1343
01:22:06,961 --> 01:22:09,361
Golf GTI isn't quite enough.
1344
01:22:10,441 --> 01:22:13,081
Bugatti Veyron, I mean it's
the other end of the scale, then.
1345
01:22:14,001 --> 01:22:15,881
Too much. Bentley...
1346
01:22:16,761 --> 01:22:20,161
Oh, it's a great car but...
I've worked out what I'd have.
1347
01:22:22,201 --> 01:22:24,681
The Riva Aquarama.
1348
01:22:25,001 --> 01:22:26,281
- That's your favourite car?
- Yes.
1349
01:22:26,361 --> 01:22:29,281
That's what I'd use every day.
I'd have to move house.
1350
01:22:32,081 --> 01:22:35,161
With that decided,
we climbed back into our road cars
1351
01:22:35,241 --> 01:22:37,481
for the final push to Pau.
1352
01:22:40,521 --> 01:22:43,081
We were very excited by what lay ahead,
1353
01:22:43,161 --> 01:22:46,641
so excited that we left
the camera crew far behind.
1354
01:22:47,361 --> 01:22:50,961
And when they finally caught up with us,
there was a bit of a problem.
1355
01:22:56,641 --> 01:22:57,801
You mean, passports?
1356
01:22:58,161 --> 01:23:00,761
Oh, right
1357
01:23:01,881 --> 01:23:04,281
The French policemen and lady policemen
1358
01:23:04,481 --> 01:23:07,441
insisted that we should give
them all our money.
1359
01:23:07,841 --> 01:23:09,921
And then after quite a long chat,
1360
01:23:10,081 --> 01:23:14,241
they decided it would be best
if we didn't drive in France any more.
1361
01:23:14,561 --> 01:23:15,801
Yeah, okay.
1362
01:23:25,721 --> 01:23:28,201
And on that bombshell,
it is time to end.
1363
01:23:28,281 --> 01:23:30,481
Thank you very much for watching,
goodbye.
1364
01:23:31,121 --> 01:23:33,121
You total plonker!
1365
01:23:42,121 --> 01:23:45,721
I don't want to go in a Peugeot
1366
01:23:53,761 --> 01:23:56,001
Or this Vauxhall Zafira.
1367
01:23:56,081 --> 01:23:58,001
Can you be picky
when you're a hitchhiker?
1368
01:23:58,081 --> 01:23:59,681
I should think so.
There's plenty of choice.
1369
01:24:11,401 --> 01:24:13,041
Don't want to go in that Citroen.
1370
01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:17,128
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