***
Ah, got it at the Senior Center.
I like that it's free,
what I don't like is they give you last hair style
they remember having.
But the bigger news is we have new back fence neighbors.
Someone moved into the Weirdo House?
Isn't this the Weirdo House?
No, this is the Lovable Eccentric House.
We've had a bad string of luck with our back fence neighbors.
Everyone who's moved in there has been really odd.
Damn it!
Another rolling blackout.
They only roll through our neighborhood.
Bet those snobs in the hoity-toity neighborhood
don't have to deal with their power going out.
Jimmy, speaking of which, that's us. Let's go home.
I can see why people like walking around.
We have pretty interesting neighbors.
Looks like the Hoffmans are trying to beat the heat.
Ah, Old Lady Stevens.
She's so sweet.
Oh, look, she's got a date.
Wait. What is that?
If she's gonna do that, she should crochet herself some curtains.
Oh, hey, check out Elijah the Bearded Neighbor.
I didn't know he was musical.
I'm not so sure he is.
Oh, tree root.
Sorry, buddy.
Almost stepped on your foot.
Ooh, look how normal they look.
This is it, Burt.
We're gonna be borrowing sugar in no time.
Oh, hello. Can I help you?
Hi, uh, we're Virginia and Burt,
your back fence neighbors.
Well, hi, there, Virginia and Burt.
We're Gary and Gina. Say hi, Gina.
Hi.
Well, we just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.
We really appreciate that. Don't we, Gina?
Yes.
Well, we should go.
Wanna come over for dinner tonight?
Whoo... Hoo-hoo.
We'd love to. Right, Gina?
- Yes. - Great. It's a date.
We'll see you at 6:00, back fence neighbors.
What the heck are you doing?
Why'd you invite them to dinner?
What do you mean?
Gary's creepy. What was with that smile?
It was nice. He was being friendly.
Why didn't Gina talk?
I like that about her.
I'm a big talker, I need a big listener.
A mute would be ideal, but I don't want to be greedy.
And now we have to have dinner with them. Uh!
This day couldn't possibly get any worse.
Don't worry, buddy. I got ya.
Burt!
Are you okay?
Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com
They did an all right job with this cast.
You know, as a doctor, I'm not supposed to do this
without a formal examination and prescription,
but you're a neighbor, so take this.
- Oh, no, thanks. - Come on.
There we go.
Hey, look at those mitts on you.
You got some really striking hands.
I never really thought about it.
As a hand surgeon, I've seen a lot in my time.
May I?
My God.
Just when you think the fingers are the main attraction,
you've got those thumbs that really close the show.
So, Gary, you like sports?
I know what you're getting at.
One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!
So, why'd you and Gary move to Natesville?
Everyone I know was just born here
and doesn't have the energy to leave.
We got tired of the big city.
Oh. You're from a big city?
No.
Come on, Burt, Best out of seven!
Come on! No, we should
really call it a night. Right, Virginia?
My leg is barking.
All right. I guess it is getting a little late.
You ready, Gina?
Yes.
Oh! Oh, okay.
Aren't you sweet?
I'm sorry, guys.
I'll never put you through that again.
Wow.
These were already doing this, but if they weren't,
they would be now.
All my pajamas were in the laundry,
but I found this in Maw Maw's closet.
Hey, back fence neighbors!
Oh, my God, this is what we wanted!
Hi, Gary!
How you doing?
How's it going?
- Really well. - Ooh, nice backyard.
Can you hold onto this for a little bit for me?
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Oh, God. No, don't take that!
What are you doing?!
- Yeah! - Yeah.
Hey. Hey, Burt! Is that you in there?
Hey, Gary! I was just trying...
What was that?!
What did he give you?
Relax, Burt.
He just wanted me to hold a package for him.
I don't like the sound of that.
Well, get used to it, 'cause he said
there'll be more packages delivered to us.
What's in them?
I don't know. I didn't ask.
What the devil?
Everything is fine! Everything is under control.
Where'd you get that?
Jimmy's old Miss Snoops-A-Lot spy kit.
Oh, I'd forgot he went through that weird Nancy Drew phase.
Burt!
Tell me you didn't open Gary's package.
I would, but I'd be lying.
And I would never lie to you, unlike Gary,
who's clearly lying to his wife.
"All my love, Carlotta."
Exactly. His wife's name is Gina.
So either he's the world's worst speller,
or he's having an affair and using us to hide it.
And now he's done something to Gina.
Burt, you're acting crazy.
It's just a watch with someone's name on it.
What about the screams
we heard before the blinds were closed?
People scream for all kinds of reasons.
I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.
That's three reasons right there.
That's the police.
We'll see what they have to say about this.
Hello, Chances.
Auxiliary Officer Hughes at your service.
I understand you reported a disturbance?
I thought you said you called the police?
I thought I did, too. Why'd they send you?
If you really want to know,
the "real" police won't come here anymore
because you already hit your 911 quota.
911. What's your emergency?
There's a bunch of birds outside our window!
They're just... Oh, wait, they're gone.
Never mind.
- 911, what's your emergency? - Someone's in my house!
It's a murderer! You have to help me!
Look what somebody threw out.
Never mind.
So your neighbors argue, smile and ask you to take their mail?
You got nothing!
In fact, the only crime that's been committed here
is mail fraud, and you two did it.
Oh, no. This is Burt's deal, not mine.
If you don't mind, I'm gonna take this to go.
I've got one humdinger of a toothache,
and this is making it feel much better.
Mom thought that maybe we should come over,
make sure you weren't out here acting crazy.
What have you done with her, Gary?
You smiley-faced son of a bitch!
Whoa, I thought you were at work.
I was. Knock Knock Knock is trying out theme weeks.
It's Retro Week.
It's beautiful.
I know.
I was afraid to get it dirty,
so the houses aren't very clean.
Have you been out here peering
into Gina and Gary's house all day?
Yeah. And do you know who I haven't seen? Gina.
Don't you think that's a little strange?
Maybe she's staying away from the windows
because some weirdo's spying on her from the next house.
No. If there was some weirdo spying on her,
I would've seen it.
We're gonna head out of here.
You know what? I'm gonna go over there
and settle this whole thing right now.
Also, I want the whole neighborhood to see me in this dress.
No, you can't. It's not safe.
At least take one of these walkie-talkies with you
so I can listen in, and make sure you're okay.
Come on, Pigtails, let's do this.
I'm approaching the residence, over.
Hey, Virginia! My favorite back fence neighbor!
- Look at you all gussied up. - Aw.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a fella on the side.
Oh, Gary, you're such a card.
Is Gina home?
I wanted to know if she'd like to join me for a walk.
- She's not home. - Where is she?
- She went on a trip. - Yeah, she went on a trip.
A one-way trip.
To death.
Oh, really?
Oh. Well, last night she didn't mention anything about a trip.
How exciting.
Is she visiting family back in... the big city?
Yes. She'll be gone a while.
Yeah, she'll be gone a while.
To death.
Oh, just one last thing.
Uh, I wonder if I could borrow a cup of brown sugar.
I'm afraid we're all out.
Oh.
Well, good night. You look beautiful.
- Oh, no. What are those? - Oh, calm down.
It's just two more packages that came for Gary.
I found 'em on the porch.
You need to relax.
I think I know just how to do it.
Unzip me.
You're gonna love this old-timey underwear.
I feel like my boobs are strapped into party hats.
I like party hats, boobs and old things.
Oh, damn these rolling blackouts.
What do you think?
I think he's guilty.
Look at this!
Guilty of what?
Washing his dishes?
No. No, he was...
He was wrapping an axe in newspaper.
Why would he do that?
Because he killed his wife.
He chopped her up
and now he's looking to hide the evidence
in the only place he knows we'll never look... the newspaper.
I'm starting to believe Barney was right.
Those pain meds are making you
a little loopy in the old noggin.
Don't you think it's just a little suspicious
that all of a sudden Gina takes a trip?
Without her husband?
What business is it of yours?
Because it's everyone's business when there's been a murder.
Burt...
Leave it alone.
Burt, did you hear that?
That sounds like murder to me.
Oh, my God.
He killed her.
You were right, Burt.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
That's okay.
I'm almost never right.
You were just playing the odds.
Oh, my God, what a horror.
Oh, my God, did he hit you?
My dentist? No.
No, not since the first time.
But in his defense, I did bite him.
Oh, the neighbors. Oh, yeah, they're fine.
I just went over and talked to them...
both of them.
Wait, Gina was there?
Yeah.
She was fine. And polite.
She didn't mention anything about all my drooling.
But Gary said she went on a trip.
Well, maybe she got homesick and came back early.
All perfectly legal.
Then what was he doing burying something
in the backyard, at night?
Yeah. He was planting evening primroses.
He said they take better when you plant them at night.
Shoot.
As a professional gardener, that does add up.
Leave this thing alone and stop calling 911.
Or next time, they won't even send me.
Well, Gina's alive.
That is great.
Yeah.
- Phew. - Yeah.
That is a relief.
Is it weird that I'm a little...
- Disappointed? - Yeah.
- Me, too. - Are we bad people?
No. No, no. We just got caught up.
The important thing is...
Gina's alive.
Right. Yes.
Right.
Still disappointed.
Virginia, have you seen my new scratching fork?
I lost another one in here.
Just a second.
I'm just cleaning up out here.
Burt, look!
There's a woman with Gary and it's not Gina.
I bet you it's that slut-whore Carlotta
he's been sleeping with.
I bet that's who Barney saw
and thought was Gina.
I knew Gina was dead!
Which is very sad.
Of course. It's horrible.
Just dig it up, and I'll get rid of everything in the house.
They're getting rid of the evidence.
We have to do something before it's all gone.
I have a plan.
Hello, Mr. Stewart.
This is, uh, Auxiliary Police Officer Barney Hughes.
Turns out we really could use your help
down here at the precinct,
so, if you and your wife could come down here right away
and answer a few questions for us,
well, that'd be just swell.
Burt, what was that accent?
I was doing Barney.
Oh. It sounded like George Bailey from that Christmas movie
where everyone was better off without him.
They just left. I'm going in.
He lied.
He has a whole freaking bag.
That monster.
Jimmy?
Sabrina?
Well, hi there, neighbor.
Gary? Hey.
I know you're injured, so I let myself in.
Although, you should really lock your front door.
What can I do for you at this late hour?
Yeah, sorry about that.
Was on my way out to run some errands,
I saw your light was on, so I thought I'd swing by
and pick up those packages I asked Virginia to hold.
Oh, sure.
One's on the nightstand.
The other one's out in the living room.
Thanks. Well,
I guess I'll be on my way.
Great. Good-bye.
Say... you didn't open this, did you?
'Cause it looks like someone ripped it open, and then...
crudely rewrapped it.
Must have come that way. Damn post office.
Oh, and another thing.
There was an odd little man in a child's police costume
at my house earlier asking strange questions.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
I would not. No.
What was that?
Oh. Uh...
Is that Little Miss Snoops-A-Lot?
I think that's Little Miss Mind-Your-Own-Business.
Can I have that back, please?
Burt! I found something.
Gary's definitely a murderer.
What the hell is she doing in my house?
Damn rolling blackouts!
Oh.
No!
Ooh. Help me with the mattress.
Oh, isn't that nice? She finally found someone.
I'm coming, Virginia!
- Virginia?! - Burt!
Wait. Virginia! Oh.
Virginia, the slut-whore
has a gun pointed at your...
I mean, the reasonable, classy lady
has a gun pointed at your head!
Just put the gun down, Carlotta.
Gary, who are these people?
My crazy back-fence neighbors.
Hey, I may be crazy, but at least I'm not a sugar liar.
I saw the bag!
Stand down.
They're just a couple of civilians.
Huh? What? Who the hell are you?
Agent Heidi Thompson.
Quick, get him into the van.
Why'd you do this to me, Burt?
You ruined everything!
And I loved your thumbs!
He was in Witness Protection.
The man you know as Gary Stewart
testified against the Russian mob.
We've been relocating witnesses to that house for years.
That's why it's the Weirdo House.
So, then, who's Carlotta?
That's Gina's real name.
- Oh. - She left when she found out
that Gary was having his old friends send him these
mementos of his old life.
It compromised their safety.
But I saw him with an axe.
That's an award Gary got
for his work as a volunteer firefighter,
but it had his real name engraved on it.
I found one more box on the porch.
You're going to want to look at this.
We thought these might show up.
Gary was one of the mob's most notorious hit men.
He used to collect his victims' thumbs as trophies.
They called him "The Hand Surgeon."
So, Burt, we were right.
Gary really is a murderer.
Oh, my God! Virginia, think about it.
The thumb wrestling.
The thumb compliments.
If we hadn't blown Gary's cover,
my days of doing "this guy" jokes would be over.
Oh.
Well, someone else is finally moving in.
Now that it's not a witness protection house anymore,
maybe we'll finally get some normal neighbors for once?
Let's go see who it is.
Hello.
Norman?
Who's at the door?
Nobody, Mother.
Can I help you?
Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com
Gracias, amigo.