1 00:00:37,285 --> 00:00:38,705 Ladies and gentlemen, 2 00:00:39,175 --> 00:00:43,395 please, welcome Ellen Degeneres. 3 00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:37,625 Thank you, thank you... 4 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,025 Thank you very much. 5 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,825 Yeah, woo... 6 00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:54,825 This is a very emotional night for me, 7 00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,825 you have no idea, ehm 8 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,125 or maybe you do now. 9 00:02:00,255 --> 00:02:03,685 This has been quite a journey for me and... 10 00:02:03,825 --> 00:02:07,455 to lead to this night, because 11 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:12,125 since I made the decision to come out three years ago... 12 00:02:28,685 --> 00:02:31,685 Easy for you to say, yeah... 13 00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:36,325 My life has been very interesting the last three years. 14 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,005 And I knew people would maybe want me to talk about it, 15 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:40,775 some people may not want me to talk about it,... 16 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:45,055 and I went back and forth trying to decide should I talk about it or not 17 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,795 Ultimately I've decided: NO, I don't want to talk about it. 18 00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:53,545 It has been talked about enough... How can I even, what would I say? 19 00:02:53,546 --> 00:02:55,125 I... I don't wanna talk about it. 20 00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,552 I feel it would be best expressed... 21 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,413 through interpretive dance... 22 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:19,322 "HEY EVERYBODY, I AM GAY!" 23 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:11,430 So, that's what happened... 24 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:13,960 It is interesting, because... 25 00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:17,760 being down there, and I know a lot of people have been down there, 26 00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:18,770 it doesn't matter, what the reason is, 27 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:20,990 and it is a very symbolic thing, it's a mental thing... 28 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,650 when you are down there, there are times, 29 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:26,600 you do not believe you will ever... ever get up again. 30 00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,830 It's a scary place and it's very dark... 31 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,560 But I believe that is when you grow the most, 32 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,720 when you face your fears. That's when you grow. 33 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,660 So I have decided, I am gonna face every fear I have. 34 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,170 I am gonna challenge myself every opportunity I get. 35 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:43,260 People always try to make you feel better: 36 00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:45,420 There is nothing to fear but fear itself. 37 00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:46,930 OK, great, now I am scared of fear, 38 00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:51,680 thank you very much, wasn't before. 39 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,960 I also decided to get rid of the need of approval... 40 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,090 That is a strong addiction, need of approval, isn't it? 41 00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:58,960 I am on a patch right now actually, 42 00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:03,050 it releases a small doses of approval, until I no longer crave it, 43 00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:06,530 then I'm gonna rip it off. 44 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,290 Cause if I make that decision to get back on the stage, 45 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,390 I thought I cannot worry, what people think about me. 46 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:14,860 There are things that need to be said that I will say... I will... 47 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:16,960 I know, a lot of people don't want me to say them, 48 00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:21,250 cause people think once something has stayed a certain way for a certain amount of time, 49 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,350 leave it alone, don't change it. 50 00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:24,860 But I think, things need to change... 51 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,540 and I will point them out to you tonight 52 00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:30,860 I will say these things. 53 00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:35,970 For instance: Do we still need directions 54 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:40,130 on the back of a shampoo bottle? 55 00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:45,030 Oh yeah, I've said it... 56 00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:52,790 Whose shampooing for the first time? Anybody? 57 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:59,260 And if you are, you can't read anyway. 58 00:07:59,690 --> 00:08:01,590 You're like a wild crazy ape person 59 00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,710 that has been raised in the wild by monkeys or wolves 60 00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:06,410 or something nurturing that would raise ya. 61 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:08,010 Reptiles won't raise you, they don't even raise their own young, 62 00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:11,610 Don't expect them to raise you. 63 00:08:11,610 --> 00:08:12,960 Those monitor lizards don't even look that dangerous, 64 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,460 but those tail'll whip around, slapping your head and break your neck. 65 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,320 So if you are in the wild, 66 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:22,670 try to catch the eye of a monkey or a wolf or something like that... 67 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:28,930 Don't look them directly in the eye, that is threatening to them actually... 68 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:33,690 Just sideways, if you walk next to them, and kinda glance... 69 00:08:33,790 --> 00:08:38,360 Actually, if you are lower, that is even less threatening... just... 70 00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:43,030 Don't smile, if you show your teeth, that's also threatening. 71 00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:48,330 So say some hikers find ya... you know... 72 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,530 That is a big find; if they find a crazy wild ape person, 73 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,690 they're gonna bring you back to civilization certainly. 74 00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:56,370 But they're not gonna just throw you in the shower 75 00:08:56,370 --> 00:09:01,800 and expect you to know how to shampoo your head... 76 00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:06,130 They're gonna shampoo your head for you... 77 00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,260 And then you would mimic that. 78 00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:13,790 That is how you survive so long in the wild by mimicking things... 79 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:16,360 So who needs the directions on the back of a shampoo bottle? 80 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,580 And it is not bad enough there are directions, 81 00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:21,460 there is a 0800 number on the back. 82 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:25,930 In case the directions are too vague for you. 83 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:32,010 Rinse and repeat, but how many times? 84 00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:37,630 To be the only thing to be more pathetic than calling the 0800 number 85 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:42,590 is working at the 0800 number. 86 00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:47,130 Alright, let's go through this again, shall we? 87 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:52,030 Right... 88 00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:58,690 I am gonna stop you,... did you wet your hair first? 89 00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:01,590 You're welcome... 90 00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:07,360 That's my job. 91 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:10,790 Thank you... 92 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,030 Thank you for holding? 93 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:18,790 It's about the size of a quarter in the palm of your hand? 94 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:24,090 No, can't be two dimes and a nickel... 95 00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:30,430 No, can't be three nickels and a dime. 96 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,760 what, cause it can't spread out that way... that's why... 97 00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:36,560 then you just rinse and repeat... 98 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,660 Oh my... 99 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,190 How old are you? 100 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:43,560 You should repeat seven more times then. 101 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:45,990 What a fascinating story... 102 00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:53,990 What did you survive on? Nuts and berries or what? 103 00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:57,190 Wolves? MY GOODNESS... 104 00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:01,890 And they just nuzzled you?! Aaaw... 105 00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:03,370 No, I can't help you with the conditioner, 106 00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:06,440 you're gonna have to call that line on your own. 107 00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:17,890 I'm fascinated by animals... all of nature fascinates me.. 108 00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:23,890 You ever watch ants? You have the kind of time like me? 109 00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:26,660 It's for a while there. 110 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:29,630 It's interesting, because if you watch them... 111 00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:33,420 they're always in that long single-file line, if you notice that... 112 00:11:33,430 --> 00:11:36,430 They're always in that single-file line, they don't have to be... 113 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,330 There are no lanes painted for them they were forced to stay in... 114 00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:41,490 They can go anywhere on the ground that they wanna go, 115 00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:42,530 but they stay in the line. 116 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,950 Don't you think, there has got to be the one ant, 117 00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:48,610 that asshole ant in the back, 118 00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:55,330 just filled with road rage back there, just... "Common, let's go!" 119 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,070 You've ever noticed, sometimes an ant will pick up a dead ant 120 00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:11,990 and walk around with that dead ant carrying that around? 121 00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:17,460 That's to get into the car-pull lane to pass up that line. 122 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:22,090 I'm pretty sure. 123 00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:23,090 And we kill them like crazy... 124 00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:26,440 Just any kind of way, we can kill ants, we kill them... 125 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,660 orange soda, any kind of liquid will do... just kill 'em... 126 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,660 cause the smaller something is, the easier it is for to kill it, cause... 127 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,890 we don't see their little expressions right before we're killing them... 128 00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:38,760 It's true, we'll just kill anything.. 129 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:41,490 Fly gets into the house.. kill it right away! Kill the fly! 130 00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:44,590 What's wrong with us? What is the matter with us? 131 00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:48,540 We've named them, they're called HOUSE flies, 132 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:51,890 that is their name. 133 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,090 They know, where to be... 134 00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:58,490 You don't see a horse fly trying to get it in there... 135 00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:02,990 they're on a horse sw, they stay on the horses... 136 00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:06,430 Flies are amazing, they are inside... 137 00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,960 They're flying all over the place until they find a mirror, you noticed that? 138 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,660 They find a bathroom mirror and they are there for about an hour... 139 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:13,860 they don't move... 140 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,860 I think, it is cause they think, they've found another fly. 141 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:19,390 They're having a conversation with that fly: 142 00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:23,430 Thank god, I thought I was alone... 143 00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:35,760 You look very familiar. 144 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:43,530 I am very attracted to you... 145 00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,960 You're a good listener.. 146 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:48,920 OK, here is the deal: 147 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,910 I think there is an open window, you go tell the other flies 148 00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:56,960 we've have found a house, I'll wait here... 149 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:04,630 Go, I'm gonna wait here... 150 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:05,390 Alright, I'll go... 151 00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:08,390 Hey, you wait here... 152 00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:14,960 Don't come with me! 153 00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:20,630 Are you mocking me? 154 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:23,960 Stay very very still! There comes that human! 155 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:27,630 Finally, she's gonna read that Greenpeace newsletter. 156 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,060 Why is she rolling it up? 157 00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:41,940 I don't like to kill things, I really don't, 158 00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:45,970 I'll try not to kill st, if I can avoid it, I'll get it out of the house. 159 00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:48,160 People like to kill things, a spider gets in, whatever, kill it... 160 00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:50,130 I will take a piece of cardboard 161 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:53,190 and I'll try my best to get it out of the door, if I can... 162 00:14:53,290 --> 00:14:54,490 anything, that is in the house. 163 00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,190 Not anything, let me qualify that... 164 00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:59,330 If it's a burglar, I'm not gonna take a piece of cardboard... 165 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:03,780 OUT, OUT,... Sir... Sir... OUT! 166 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:08,600 If a spider gets in the house, people wanna kill the spider right away. 167 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,160 Spider doesn't know, you don't want it in there. 168 00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:14,960 It's not like you posted signs all over the place: "KEEP OUT SPIDER" 169 00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:19,060 Which to me would be very arrogant assuming they only speak English... 170 00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:22,960 But our ego tells us, we are the only ones that have any kind of feeling, 171 00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:25,960 we're the only ones with the relationship, we're are the only ones with family. 172 00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:31,730 You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you are ruining 173 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,730 There is a conversation going on outside with the other spiders: 174 00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:37,630 Did you hear about Chris? 175 00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:42,630 Sneaker... 176 00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:49,960 And now Stephanie has 900 babies to raise all alone... 177 00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:56,730 She's got her legs full, I tell you that, right now... 178 00:16:01,030 --> 00:16:03,460 Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. 179 00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:07,260 It's just been though for them lately, they just lost their web last week. 180 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,460 Those humans think, they are so smart... 181 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:14,360 Let them try shoot silk out of their bottom, see what they could make. 182 00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:20,490 It's true. Admit,... 183 00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:22,330 if you look at a spider web, that is magnificent to me... 184 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,480 Look at a spider web and see what they can do. 185 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,590 Look at a bird's nest and see what that is... 186 00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:31,360 At least nature uses every single thing they've got... 187 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:35,830 We don't, we're capable of so much more and we just don't use it... 188 00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:38,130 You know that Nelson Mandela quote: 189 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,790 Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,... 190 00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,830 our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 191 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,160 It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us... 192 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:49,360 "Bla, bla, bla,... " whatever he says.. 193 00:16:56,260 --> 00:17:01,090 It's true. They say we use 10% of our brain... 10%... 194 00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:02,780 Imagine, what we could accomplish, 195 00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:08,260 if we used the other 60%... do you know, what I'm saying? 196 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:17,140 I like to think I am smart and I am constantly reminded just... 197 00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:20,390 left and right, that I am just not as... smart as... 198 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:22,330 Every single time I drive my Toyota Land Cruiser 199 00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:25,360 into an underground parking structure, I duck... every single time... 200 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,130 Don't trust it... 201 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:30,590 I am loosing my mind just slowly the older I get,... 202 00:17:30,690 --> 00:17:32,640 I am doing things that are starting 203 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,100 to scare me, like I'll be walking out of the house, 204 00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:37,760 I've just had a banana, so I've got the banana peel in one hand 205 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,920 my car keys in the other hand... 206 00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:39,690 I go to the trash, 207 00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:43,690 I throw my car keys away and I walk out with my banana peel. 208 00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:47,030 Constantly doing things like that... 209 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,160 I forget people's names all the time.. that's a REALLY bad one for me... 210 00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:51,930 People I totally should know, too. 211 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,270 They are coming up to me at a party night 212 00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:55,360 I just start panicking and I have to do that fake-out thing: 213 00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:58,030 I am sorry, remind me again, how do you pronounce your name? 214 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:03,030 ['kath-ee], ok... 215 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:07,160 So the emphasis is on the first syllable... ['kaeth-ee] 216 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:11,690 For some reason I was gonna say [kaeth -'ee]... 217 00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:14,490 Look at you... 218 00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:23,660 I have a hard time staying focused for long periods of time... 219 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,360 That's... I try,... I really try... I do... 220 00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:30,260 Somebody is talking to me and I'm there as long as I can possibly hold on. 221 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,090 and then I just driiiift off... 222 00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,210 I don't know, where I go, but I'm not here, 223 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:39,890 just the mouth moving in front of me. 224 00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:42,990 Have no clue, what it is, they're saying... 225 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:43,730 Then I realize I am gone and 226 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:47,660 I don't know, how long I've been gone. 227 00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:50,430 So I start to come back... 228 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,400 I just catch the word "leotard" and 229 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:56,990 I am like "what the... " and I'm back... 230 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,560 And I am wondering, if they know that I was gone and I am back... 231 00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:06,330 cause my facial expression has changed so drastically... 232 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:08,360 So I try to play with it like what it looked like before, 233 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,560 so it wasn't so... 234 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:24,500 Still I am not listening, 235 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,660 cause I am worried about my facial expression and what that's looking like. 236 00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:29,660 Then I totally go off again, like: 237 00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:35,660 Is it everybody I talk to, is everybody boring, or is it me, do I have ADD? 238 00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:36,890 If so, I'm sure there is some kind of clinic, 239 00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:38,660 or some place I could go get tested for that... 240 00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:40,660 to find our for sure, but who's got that kind of time and patience to... 241 00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:42,410 call them up and make an appointment 242 00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:45,660 and find out where they're located, drive down there and take a test... 243 00:19:45,790 --> 00:19:47,990 sit around and find out the answer... 244 00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:49,790 I know I have ADD, cause I don't have the patience 245 00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:55,660 to go and find out, if I have ADD. 246 00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:59,430 It's like people, who take Ginkgo Biloba every day. 247 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:04,330 If you can remember to take it every day, you DON'T NEED IT! 248 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,790 So anyway... so now I am back and there is that space... 249 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:11,560 that silence... they've clearly finished talking... 250 00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:13,660 And you've no idea, what they said... 251 00:20:13,790 --> 00:20:16,230 So you have to do that fake-out thing... 252 00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:30,890 That is not good enough, they're still kinda staring at ya... 253 00:20:30,990 --> 00:20:34,760 Do, what I do, if I can help you out, I am pleased to do it, 254 00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:36,790 cause I know, it's an awkward situation for all of us... 255 00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:40,990 I always say something about Gloria Estephan... 256 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,790 I'm telling ya, it works, if you commit to it... 257 00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:50,880 She can work in any conversation you can possibly... 258 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,950 It could be like: "What's that got to do with copper plumbing?" 259 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:56,890 And you're like: "Gloria Estephan is the copper plumbing of the music industry. " 260 00:20:56,990 --> 00:21:01,330 I mean, look at her, she's beautiful, durable, reliable, indestructible. 261 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,650 Look, how she came back after that bus accident, 262 00:21:03,660 --> 00:21:06,460 are you gonna debate me on this? 263 00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:09,990 And do that, that brings it on home... 264 00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:17,460 I think people talk to much anyway... 265 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,060 talk, talk, talk... 266 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:22,290 Sometimes people're talking and in my mind I'm like: "Shut up, shut up,... " 267 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:27,630 "bla, bla, bla... " 268 00:21:28,430 --> 00:21:31,730 Right? 269 00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:33,630 People are sc... alright... 270 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,290 Now you're with me... 271 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,860 People are scared of silence... 272 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:43,960 Aren't they? You find silence, people always have to fill it with st. 273 00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:47,090 The world is so full of noise. 274 00:21:47,090 --> 00:21:47,960 It is so hard to find silence. 275 00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:52,460 I believe that silence is golden. It is the one thing I hold on to. 276 00:21:52,590 --> 00:21:55,230 It is where all of our answers are. 277 00:21:55,330 --> 00:21:57,860 It is, where our truth is, our passion,... 278 00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,860 our path,... our everything. 279 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,030 All of the answers are in silence, if you can find it. 280 00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:06,090 I was outside not too long ago, I tried to meditate. 281 00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:06,960 I closed my eyes. 282 00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:09,960 And I got to that still place,... 283 00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:10,860 that everybody talks about. 284 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,260 Just for a moment, but I was there. 285 00:22:13,260 --> 00:22:15,030 And the first message that I got... 286 00:22:15,130 --> 00:22:15,960 so strongly and so clear was... 287 00:22:16,090 --> 00:22:18,960 we are all one... 288 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,350 Every living thing, we are all connected. 289 00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:21,190 The next thing I felt 290 00:22:21,290 --> 00:22:25,860 was this little tiny thing in the palm of my hand... 291 00:22:26,090 --> 00:22:29,090 there is this little mosquito in the palm of my hand, 292 00:22:29,090 --> 00:22:32,090 this little prehistoric-looking creature... 293 00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:34,390 this strange bug... 294 00:22:34,530 --> 00:22:36,760 And I'm thinking about, what I just thought, I look at this thing... 295 00:22:36,860 --> 00:22:40,090 then I just killed it... 296 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,760 and then I went back to my lovely state of being... 297 00:22:48,630 --> 00:22:51,860 the next thing I heard was: "Would you like anything else or will that be all?" 298 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,760 told the waiter I was meditating, "idiot, thanks a lot for interrupting... " 299 00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:57,860 He wouldn't get any tip, I'll tell you that... 300 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:03,090 It took him forever to get that veal anyway, so... 301 00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:06,840 I decided an outdoor coffee was not the place 302 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,960 to be spiritual, people are too rude and stupid... 303 00:23:10,090 --> 00:23:13,130 So I left... 304 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:13,860 I started walking to my car... 305 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:14,760 which was like three blocks away... 306 00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,390 because the parking situation is crazy... 307 00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:22,530 cause the world overpopulated with the wrong kind of people... 308 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,190 and back to the loving place... 309 00:23:27,290 --> 00:23:33,090 so I am walking and I see my car, and I see a meter-mate standing at my car... 310 00:23:34,090 --> 00:23:35,060 writing a ticket... 311 00:23:35,190 --> 00:23:38,190 and I'm like: "Oh, please, wait, stop, please don't write the ticket, I am here. " 312 00:23:38,290 --> 00:23:39,430 and she's like: "I am sorry, but you're 313 00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:42,090 parked illegally in front of a fire-hydrant. " 314 00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:46,430 and I like "Oh, illegally in front of a fire-hydrant. " 315 00:23:47,430 --> 00:23:49,860 And she is like: "Please, stop talking to me that way. " 316 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,760 And I am like: "What way?" 317 00:23:52,830 --> 00:23:55,290 It was fun... and so... 318 00:23:55,290 --> 00:23:58,060 I said: "Please, be compassionate,... " 319 00:23:58,190 --> 00:24:00,090 don't give me the ticket, I'm here... 320 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:01,860 and she said: "Oh, I'm sorry,... " 321 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,160 I've already started writing, I can't stop. 322 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:07,930 Oh that's how, you've already started writing, so you can't stop... OK... 323 00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:09,060 Well,... I would not like to hit you, but 324 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,660 my fist is already in the air, OK? 325 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,190 and back to the loving place. 326 00:24:15,290 --> 00:24:18,190 So I get in my car, 327 00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:23,860 and I lit up a cigarette and prayed to where I would be lead... 328 00:24:26,260 --> 00:24:28,390 and I heard: "Drive!", it was her... 329 00:24:28,490 --> 00:24:30,730 And I'm like: "Alright... " 330 00:24:30,830 --> 00:24:33,770 So I start driving... 331 00:24:33,770 --> 00:24:36,690 It is so hard to drive and be compassionate and loving. 332 00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:36,930 Cause the way people drive... 333 00:24:36,930 --> 00:24:39,590 it's just enough to... I'm telling ya... 334 00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:42,930 I was behind sb, they were going so slow... 335 00:24:43,060 --> 00:24:46,160 I could had gotten out of my car and walked around it going. 336 00:24:46,260 --> 00:24:52,160 Sorry to have to pass you, but you're going a little too slow. 337 00:24:52,590 --> 00:24:57,160 Anyway, so I went to go around them to give them the I-hate-you look. 338 00:24:57,930 --> 00:25:01,730 How else are they gonna learn?! 339 00:25:09,930 --> 00:25:13,360 It's up to us... so... 340 00:25:13,490 --> 00:25:14,260 I went to go around them and it was... 341 00:25:14,390 --> 00:25:15,830 a nun... can you believe that?! 342 00:25:15,930 --> 00:25:19,490 I was like: why don't you take a vow no to drive... 343 00:25:19,590 --> 00:25:25,060 drop it like a bad habit. 344 00:25:25,930 --> 00:25:31,490 ...and back to the loving place and... 345 00:25:31,590 --> 00:25:33,330 again praying to where I would be lead... 346 00:25:33,330 --> 00:25:36,210 Then I see a health-food store just right there, appears right before my eyes. 347 00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:39,750 That seems spiritual, I have never been in a health-food store before... 348 00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,310 I don't know, if you've ever been in a health-food store, 349 00:25:42,310 --> 00:25:46,160 but hey, if this is healthy, sorry, don't wanna be it. 350 00:25:52,390 --> 00:25:54,730 Oh, I aspire to be you... uhm... 351 00:25:54,830 --> 00:25:57,690 They are so proud of themselves, too... 352 00:25:57,830 --> 00:25:59,760 Guess how old I am! 353 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:00,860 I don't know... 354 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:01,490 Guess how old I... 355 00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:02,860 30? 356 00:26:02,860 --> 00:26:04,690 I am 16, but the point is I've never had diary... 357 00:26:04,690 --> 00:26:06,060 OK, whatever,... 358 00:26:12,590 --> 00:26:14,260 They think they know it all. 359 00:26:14,390 --> 00:26:15,690 Let me see your tongue.. 360 00:26:15,690 --> 00:26:16,190 What? 361 00:26:16,190 --> 00:26:18,530 Let me see your tongue... 362 00:26:18,530 --> 00:26:19,690 You're full of toxins. 363 00:26:19,830 --> 00:26:24,730 I said: "You are full of toxins, what a stupid thing to say to me?" 364 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:29,160 I needed a herb... 365 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,690 for st inside, 366 00:26:31,830 --> 00:26:35,160 I mean like a spleen or something that is inside... 367 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,760 Cause st needed st... 368 00:26:36,890 --> 00:26:38,260 because of st that happened... and so... 369 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,690 they do this thing called kinesiology... 370 00:26:40,830 --> 00:26:43,130 they put the herbs in your hand 371 00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:43,990 and if your arm goes down, you need that... 372 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,490 which is so... stupid,... 373 00:26:47,590 --> 00:26:48,330 it sounds stupid, but 374 00:26:48,460 --> 00:26:52,960 but it's not, it works, I tell you what, because last week I was in Gucci,... 375 00:26:53,060 --> 00:26:57,460 and I had a sweater in my hand and it went right down. 376 00:27:01,990 --> 00:27:08,460 Couple of minutes earlier I had a dress in my hand and it didn't go down at all... 377 00:27:12,890 --> 00:27:15,230 Don't need it... 378 00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:18,790 So anyway, so then he said... he, she... I don't know, what it was... 379 00:27:18,890 --> 00:27:20,890 It's name was Earth Spirit... 380 00:27:20,990 --> 00:27:22,890 Was that a boy's name? 381 00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:29,160 Earth Spirit is all like: "You need some wheat grass juice. " 382 00:27:29,290 --> 00:27:32,130 And I was like: "Wheat grass juice, do I need a sprout wrap, too?" 383 00:27:32,890 --> 00:27:35,330 He said: "You're aura is brown.. " 384 00:27:35,460 --> 00:27:37,890 I said: "You're aura is brown, what a stupid thing to say to me?!" 385 00:27:41,460 --> 00:27:42,890 We're gonna have to call the security guard... 386 00:27:42,990 --> 00:27:47,590 Oh, the health-food security guard, what is his name? "Whispering Pine"? 387 00:27:47,790 --> 00:27:51,990 Why, is meat breath offending you? 388 00:27:57,230 --> 00:28:00,130 So anyway, they kicked me out, I left... and... 389 00:28:01,790 --> 00:28:05,230 So I'm driving again... 390 00:28:05,630 --> 00:28:08,630 back to the loving place and praying to where I would be lead.. 391 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,130 and then it hit me: 392 00:28:11,130 --> 00:28:13,960 You're out of rum... 393 00:28:23,530 --> 00:28:26,190 If you're quite, it'll come... 394 00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:31,090 So I went to the liquor store and... 395 00:28:31,190 --> 00:28:33,060 no parking ever, you know,... 396 00:28:33,190 --> 00:28:34,760 so I had to park across the street in some parking-lot, 397 00:28:34,860 --> 00:28:35,870 because again... you know... wrong kind of people... 398 00:28:35,870 --> 00:28:40,760 So I am going to liquor store getting the rum and a pack of smokes... 399 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,530 and some rolling papers... 400 00:28:48,090 --> 00:28:51,960 Peace! 401 00:28:53,530 --> 00:28:56,190 So I come out and go to my car... 402 00:28:56,290 --> 00:28:57,400 Parking attendant standing right next to my car 403 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:58,430 He wasn't there, when I got out... 404 00:28:58,430 --> 00:29:00,200 parking attendant standing right there 405 00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:01,390 Oh, you can't park here for that establishment. 406 00:29:01,530 --> 00:29:03,530 You must go in here and purchase st and get validated... 407 00:29:03,630 --> 00:29:09,430 I said: "Please, be compassionate, idiot. " 408 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:11,530 "No, you have to go in here... " 409 00:29:11,630 --> 00:29:14,290 Anyway,... it looked like a spiritual type place: 410 00:29:14,430 --> 00:29:18,530 It was called "Pleasure Chest", or st like that.. 411 00:29:23,860 --> 00:29:26,030 Some type of toy store, I would guess... 412 00:29:27,630 --> 00:29:28,930 unsafe toys... 413 00:29:29,030 --> 00:29:31,630 cause I'd been playing with some of them... 414 00:29:31,690 --> 00:29:34,610 this pogo stick is going to hurt sb... 415 00:29:34,620 --> 00:29:36,430 I don't know... 416 00:29:36,430 --> 00:29:37,360 who... is gonna.. 417 00:29:37,490 --> 00:29:38,530 it's bad... on your back... 418 00:29:38,630 --> 00:29:40,890 and it's... 419 00:29:41,030 --> 00:29:43,160 not sturdy... 420 00:29:51,730 --> 00:29:53,260 so... 421 00:29:54,490 --> 00:29:55,720 that's what I was thinking.. 422 00:29:59,630 --> 00:30:01,240 Anyway... I had to get st... 423 00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:02,330 and it was getting late.. 424 00:30:02,330 --> 00:30:04,160 I didn't wanna deal with the traffic 425 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,090 and have to get into the car-pull lane. 426 00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:08,490 So I bought a blow-up doll, which they had... 427 00:30:08,490 --> 00:30:13,060 I don't know, if I didn't blow it up properly, or... 428 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,160 Anyway, it was deflating, it was loosing air... that's the... 429 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,360 And so, I had to pull over on the side of the road and... 430 00:30:19,490 --> 00:30:24,060 why they put the valve in the crouch area, I don't know. 431 00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:30,730 It's silly... it's what it is 432 00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:36,390 blowing up... 433 00:30:36,390 --> 00:30:39,260 So there I am on the side of the road... 434 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,260 Linda... I named her... 435 00:30:46,930 --> 00:30:51,060 That's when there is a knock at the window... 436 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:52,260 and it's a cop of course... 437 00:30:52,390 --> 00:30:54,930 And I thought, OK... This does not look good at all.. 438 00:30:55,060 --> 00:30:58,830 And it does not help matters any that I am naked.. 439 00:30:58,930 --> 00:31:01,260 Now, I'll tell why that is.. 440 00:31:06,590 --> 00:31:07,590 Well, if you are going to buy a blow-up doll,... 441 00:31:07,730 --> 00:31:11,160 before warned that they do not come with clothes... 442 00:31:11,260 --> 00:31:12,260 I don't know, what that's about, but there is no clothes or anything... 443 00:31:12,390 --> 00:31:14,430 You can't ever dress them up... 444 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,690 So I thought, I am not gonna look like a crazy person, 445 00:31:18,790 --> 00:31:20,490 driving around with a naked passenger. 446 00:31:23,830 --> 00:31:26,160 I am not STUPID... 447 00:31:26,260 --> 00:31:28,360 So there I am NAKED... 448 00:31:28,490 --> 00:31:34,350 Well except for the harness, but forget about the harness... 449 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,160 and the captain's hat and the paddle and so. 450 00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:51,930 There I am on the side of the road getting handcuffed... 451 00:31:52,060 --> 00:31:55,590 in my harness and a captain's hat and a paddle holding Linda... 452 00:31:55,590 --> 00:31:57,930 and the cop said: "You have the right to remain silent. " 453 00:31:58,060 --> 00:31:59,510 I was like: "Finally, that's what I've been... " 454 00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:02,360 looking for all along... 455 00:32:14,590 --> 00:32:16,130 It is hard to find the silence, isn't it? 456 00:32:16,130 --> 00:32:18,230 just hard.. 457 00:32:18,260 --> 00:32:20,060 Even when it's silent, it's not silent... 458 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:21,790 Even at night, when you are trying to go to sleep... 459 00:32:21,830 --> 00:32:22,690 just quiet.. 460 00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:24,560 Your head just doesn't stop, 461 00:32:24,660 --> 00:32:26,030 Your brain just goes and goes... 462 00:32:27,290 --> 00:32:30,430 ♪all these nuns, equator; fragmented, weird thoughts♪ 463 00:32:30,460 --> 00:32:32,710 that just pop in you head, that is when you find at 464 00:32:32,710 --> 00:32:34,690 how boring, YOU actually are. 465 00:32:34,690 --> 00:32:36,030 It's just you, just your thoughts... 466 00:32:36,060 --> 00:32:37,860 you're trying to go to sleep 467 00:32:37,890 --> 00:32:40,090 all of a sudden 468 00:32:40,090 --> 00:32:43,290 I like grapes. 469 00:32:51,660 --> 00:32:54,790 That was a good restaurant, we went to today. 470 00:32:54,990 --> 00:32:58,130 That was some good tuna salad. 471 00:32:58,990 --> 00:33:01,360 Not too much mayo... 472 00:33:03,530 --> 00:33:06,330 I should start making my own tuna salad. 473 00:33:08,090 --> 00:33:11,060 Silly to go out and pay for st, I can make at home. 474 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,590 I should have ordered st I don't know how to make... 475 00:33:15,590 --> 00:33:16,530 like eggplant and parmigiano... 476 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,290 or st like that. 477 00:33:20,290 --> 00:33:23,860 I've never really liked eggplant, but the parmigiano sounds interesting. 478 00:33:26,060 --> 00:33:29,530 I think I left money in my pants. 479 00:33:33,590 --> 00:33:35,190 If it's a one I don't care, 480 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:39,030 but if it's a twenty I wanna get that out of there. 481 00:33:42,860 --> 00:33:45,360 It's fun to find money though, that's fun... 482 00:33:47,130 --> 00:33:50,790 You're not really finding money, it's your money... 483 00:33:52,230 --> 00:33:53,190 I got to remember that... 484 00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:57,290 money in the pants, money in the pants... 485 00:34:03,990 --> 00:34:05,590 What's in the pants? Money. Money in the pants... 486 00:34:05,630 --> 00:34:09,090 em 'n' the pee, em 'n' the pee,... 487 00:34:11,190 --> 00:34:13,930 Ah, now I have to pee... 488 00:34:15,990 --> 00:34:17,890 I just peeded, I don't really have to pee, 489 00:34:17,890 --> 00:34:20,430 I just think I have to pee... 490 00:34:20,430 --> 00:34:23,060 If I don't pee now, I am gonna get up in the middle of the night... 491 00:34:23,060 --> 00:34:28,690 and gonna be mad, I didn't pee now... 492 00:34:34,290 --> 00:34:36,430 Now, I am not gonna wake up to much... 493 00:34:36,430 --> 00:34:39,430 I am just gonna keep my eyes closed and pee with my eyes closed... 494 00:34:44,430 --> 00:34:47,230 Get back in bed, that is when the weird images start, 495 00:34:47,230 --> 00:34:48,960 that is the next phase, just these images... 496 00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,360 Giant olive,... what? 497 00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:55,760 Cloris Reachman's face 498 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:56,760 How come? 499 00:35:02,630 --> 00:35:05,990 And that's when the song starts... 500 00:35:05,990 --> 00:35:08,130 and you cannot stop the song or anything... 501 00:35:08,130 --> 00:35:09,260 The more you try to stop the song... 502 00:35:09,260 --> 00:35:14,660 the more the song goes over and over again in your head... just... 503 00:35:17,330 --> 00:35:18,630 Bye Manan.. 504 00:35:18,630 --> 00:35:21,160 Stop it! Please, stop! 505 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:25,760 Bye Manan... 506 00:35:25,860 --> 00:35:28,060 Stop it! Please! Shut up! 507 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,660 Shut up! 508 00:35:31,330 --> 00:35:32,460 And then you hear: "Shut up!" 509 00:35:32,460 --> 00:35:34,830 Who's talking? 510 00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:36,490 And that's when you realize, 511 00:35:36,490 --> 00:35:38,560 that it's you inner child, just playing with you... 512 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:39,630 just talking back and forth to you... 513 00:35:39,630 --> 00:35:41,890 Cause you don't play with our inner child anymore... 514 00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:44,630 so your inner child is wide awake and just wants to play... 515 00:35:44,630 --> 00:35:46,760 and here you are negotiating with you inner child that night... 516 00:35:46,790 --> 00:35:48,860 Please, I have a very busy day tomorrow,... 517 00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:51,190 Oh, please, I have a very busy day Bye Manan... 518 00:35:51,190 --> 00:35:52,490 Stop it! 519 00:35:57,690 --> 00:36:01,430 That's why people are so angry and grumpy and ragefull all day long, 520 00:36:01,430 --> 00:36:02,790 cause their inner child has kept them up all night long.. 521 00:36:02,790 --> 00:36:06,790 and their exhausted and their inner child is just sound asleep now... 522 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,290 That child doesn't go anywhere... 523 00:36:08,290 --> 00:36:11,790 we still have that child in us, each one of us has that child... 524 00:36:11,790 --> 00:36:13,030 that we need to play with every day 525 00:36:13,030 --> 00:36:14,030 and we would sleep better... 526 00:36:14,030 --> 00:36:16,760 I don't know what happens... but somewhere along the way 527 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,630 we just get so jaded, we loose that joy, 528 00:36:19,630 --> 00:36:21,530 and that bliss, when you look in a child's eyes 529 00:36:21,530 --> 00:36:24,190 they're happy with just about every single thing 530 00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:27,960 Just watching them learn, how to walk. 531 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,490 Their eyes are just... they can't believe they're walking. 532 00:36:30,490 --> 00:36:34,830 they're so excited that they're walking and just that's so happy for them... 533 00:36:34,930 --> 00:36:37,130 and then we get older... 534 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,130 I got to walk... 535 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,930 No, I'll get it... 536 00:36:45,390 --> 00:36:48,360 We lose that sense of play that we should all... I don't know... 537 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,030 Why do we stop playing games? 538 00:36:51,030 --> 00:36:53,290 Just go to a total stranger tomorrow on the street... 539 00:36:53,290 --> 00:36:56,690 Just go to them and touch them: "You're it!" and just run away... 540 00:37:02,230 --> 00:37:04,060 It would be so fun, you know! 541 00:37:04,060 --> 00:37:06,930 Maybe they will here? just do it back to you. 542 00:37:06,930 --> 00:37:08,390 Just try it tomorrow.. 543 00:37:08,390 --> 00:37:11,630 Have a giant game of tag going on the street all the time 544 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,730 Everybody playing with their briefcases and backpacks... 545 00:37:13,730 --> 00:37:17,130 walking along,"Who's it?", "Ugh... You're it", "No, you're it!" 546 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:23,060 At work just play,... 547 00:37:23,060 --> 00:37:25,260 when your boss comes in looking for you 548 00:37:25,260 --> 00:37:26,230 just play hide-and-seek... 549 00:37:26,230 --> 00:37:28,560 just duck behind the desk... 550 00:37:57,790 --> 00:37:58,830 What are they gonna do? Fire you? 551 00:37:58,830 --> 00:38:02,290 Was just playing hide-and-seek... I... 552 00:38:08,430 --> 00:38:11,930 Children are so amazing, they just remind you of how 553 00:38:11,930 --> 00:38:14,630 simple things should be... 554 00:38:14,630 --> 00:38:15,760 I have a godchild that 555 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,490 is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.. 556 00:38:18,490 --> 00:38:19,830 my godchild, she's an angel... 557 00:38:19,830 --> 00:38:23,190 she's just a little precious... just... ray of light... 558 00:38:23,190 --> 00:38:27,030 she's two... or six... I don't know... but she is... 559 00:38:35,590 --> 00:38:37,230 Kids have fun so easily... 560 00:38:37,230 --> 00:38:38,790 You are on a plane and there is a kid in front of you... 561 00:38:38,790 --> 00:38:39,560 a two-year old... or a four-year old... 562 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,580 peek-a-boo... that's all they need... 563 00:38:41,580 --> 00:38:42,580 they don't care about in-flight entertainment or anything. 564 00:38:42,580 --> 00:38:46,250 peek-a-boo is enough for them, just to make them giggle. 565 00:38:46,250 --> 00:38:48,520 all it takes for you to make a little kid just giggle 566 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:49,950 is go: "Boo!" 567 00:38:49,950 --> 00:38:51,960 and then they duck down, they're so excited... 568 00:38:52,060 --> 00:38:56,030 they never get tired of that game though... 569 00:38:56,030 --> 00:39:01,120 They will play from here to Paris... they just... 570 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,680 A couple of hours in, you're trying to end that game... 571 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:10,620 I don't know... my imagination is... that stops me... 572 00:39:13,820 --> 00:39:15,960 sometimes... when you're a kid imagination is fun. 573 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,750 and nobody tries to stop you. 574 00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:19,640 When you get older, all of a sudden 575 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,870 you use your imagination to keep you from doing things. 576 00:39:22,870 --> 00:39:24,020 At least for me... like... 577 00:39:24,050 --> 00:39:26,370 I wanna do st and I'll just think... oooh.. what if? 578 00:39:26,370 --> 00:39:28,610 You know that thing? 579 00:39:28,610 --> 00:39:30,250 Let's say for instance: 580 00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:32,380 I am out of cheese, ok? 581 00:39:32,410 --> 00:39:34,760 And then I'll think: Oooh, but what if... 582 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,090 I go to the store and they're out of cheese? 583 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,800 I'd be like:"How can you be out of cheese?" 584 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:41,760 and they would be like: "What do you mean like, how can we be out of cheese. " 585 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,610 "You're out of cheese, people run out of cheese. " 586 00:39:45,870 --> 00:39:47,600 Then I'd be like: "Yeah, but you're a store... " 587 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,370 you should have cheese stocked up in the back, for people like me... 588 00:39:50,370 --> 00:39:51,970 coming in looking for cheese... 589 00:39:51,970 --> 00:39:53,740 and that is when they send the manager over, 590 00:39:53,740 --> 00:39:55,510 who thinks he is so cool for being a manager. 591 00:39:55,510 --> 00:39:59,960 Cause his picture is framed in front of the store, cause he is the manager. 592 00:39:59,970 --> 00:40:01,910 and he would be like: "What seems to be the problem, MA'M?" 593 00:40:01,910 --> 00:40:04,620 which to me is so condescending as"little lady" 594 00:40:04,620 --> 00:40:06,770 and I'd be like: "The little lady's problem... " 595 00:40:06,770 --> 00:40:08,150 he'd be like: "Who is the little lady?" 596 00:40:08,150 --> 00:40:10,310 I'd be like: "Shut up and listen to me... " 597 00:40:10,310 --> 00:40:13,010 You're out of cheese and I want some... 598 00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:14,860 He's like: "How about some cottage cheese?" 599 00:40:14,860 --> 00:40:17,910 Like he is gonna negotiate the situation, he is a diplomat. 600 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,410 He is the manager... 601 00:40:19,410 --> 00:40:21,300 And I'd be like: "I don't want cottage cheese... " 602 00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:23,920 I want cheddar cheese... sharp cheddar cheese is what I came in for. 603 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,640 Sharp cheddar cheese and cottage cheese and not the same thing. 604 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,090 Just cause they have cheese in the title, doesn't make it a cheese at all. 605 00:40:29,090 --> 00:40:30,980 It would be like going to a music instrument store, 606 00:40:30,990 --> 00:40:31,980 "and say I'd like to buy a trumpet and they'd say:" 607 00:40:31,990 --> 00:40:35,390 "I am sorry, but we're all out of trumpets, but would you like a shoehorn?" 608 00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:38,410 See, that is not the same thing, Mr. Manager 609 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,840 "Thank you for the shoehorn!"... You know... 610 00:40:44,910 --> 00:40:47,890 He starts getting all nervous and everything cause a crowd has formed... 611 00:40:47,890 --> 00:40:50,520 and then he starts feeling humiliated, cause their all sitting around and mumbling. 612 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:51,650 What seems to be the problem? 613 00:40:51,650 --> 00:40:54,810 I don't know, she wants some cheese. 614 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,970 and so he just slaps me right across the face. And so... 615 00:40:57,970 --> 00:41:01,280 that's when Skip, the part-time guy, who works there, who hates the manager... 616 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:02,990 cause he thinks he is so cool for being the manager... 617 00:41:02,990 --> 00:41:05,300 and treats Skip like shit, cause he is just a part-time guy. 618 00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:07,640 Skip is gonna quit on the phone and go back to school anyway. 619 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,160 He doesn't even need the money, he is from a wealthy family, 620 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:10,300 he's just doing it for the experience, 621 00:41:10,300 --> 00:41:12,010 cause his family wants him to work on summer. 622 00:41:12,010 --> 00:41:15,470 So anyway, he takes the hose 623 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:19,240 and he goes to spray the manager right in the eye. 624 00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:22,160 but that's when he is leaning down to pick up the cottage cheese. 625 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,350 So he misses him and get the old woman who's standing right behind him, 626 00:41:25,350 --> 00:41:27,870 she's there picking an avocado, cause the older you get the less you eat. 627 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,500 And all she wants is the avocado... 628 00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:31,890 So she screams out: 629 00:41:31,890 --> 00:41:36,340 My eye, I've been sprayed in the eye with a produce hose. 630 00:41:36,340 --> 00:41:39,060 That is when her nephew, who is visiting from Austin, Texas... 631 00:41:39,060 --> 00:41:41,110 is two aisles over picking out tortilla chips... 632 00:41:41,110 --> 00:41:45,160 cause he thinks they are gonna have some guacamole.?it's one avocado. 633 00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:48,560 and so he start running: "I'll help you, aunt so-and-so!" 634 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,080 running and then, when he is running down the aisle... 635 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,110 he slips on the water from the produce hose, 636 00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:55,780 break his leg, breaks his arm, bruises two ribs right there... 637 00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:58,790 gets a stitch put into his cheekbone, just one, but it's still a stitch 638 00:41:58,790 --> 00:41:59,880 chaos breaks out... 639 00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:02,380 it is all over the Hard Copy and Entertainment Tonight, Access Holywood 640 00:42:02,380 --> 00:42:06,060 Lesbian Demands Cheese, Causes Riot 641 00:42:06,060 --> 00:42:07,060 I don't even want the cheese... 642 00:42:18,230 --> 00:42:23,470 To me the key to being fashionable... 643 00:42:24,710 --> 00:42:28,690 and I've been interviewed on this hunderets of times... 644 00:42:28,730 --> 00:42:31,050 is standing out, but fitting in... 645 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:31,840 that is what it is.. 646 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,210 You don't want to wear st too wild... 647 00:42:33,210 --> 00:42:35,070 that sb notices and is kind of freaky, you know 648 00:42:35,070 --> 00:42:37,010 but you also don't wanna wear some outfit 649 00:42:37,010 --> 00:42:39,060 that someone could have exact same thing on 650 00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:41,280 when you show up at the party. That's embarassing.. 651 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:42,280 I don't know, if it has happened to you, but 652 00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:43,500 it's happened to me twice... 653 00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:47,410 Both times, it was William Shatner and I'll tell you st... 654 00:42:54,170 --> 00:42:58,030 I think, I look better in the tubed top and I'll say it... 655 00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:02,610 I don't know, I dress kinda boring... 656 00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:04,990 I don't care... I don't go for the trendy stuff 657 00:43:04,990 --> 00:43:06,350 I don't unders... sometimes I think, 658 00:43:06,350 --> 00:43:08,860 the fashion designers are just trying to see what they can get away with... 659 00:43:08,870 --> 00:43:10,840 You know, they come up with some of these things 660 00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:11,950 and I am just looking at them 661 00:43:11,950 --> 00:43:14,750 like I'm talking about the sarong and sari 662 00:43:14,750 --> 00:43:15,600 which is the same thing... 663 00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:19,940 I think, and if not, I am so wrong and so sorry, but... 664 00:43:28,870 --> 00:43:31,110 There was a time, there was the dressing room. 665 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,890 You could walk into a door, there were a whole door... 666 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,330 and you could close to door and you could try on clothes... 667 00:43:35,330 --> 00:43:38,070 and cry... or whatever you do in a dressing room... 668 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,080 But you had a door. 669 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,850 There is no door any longer... 670 00:43:41,860 --> 00:43:43,040 You go to try and close 'em... 671 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,760 the door is just getting higher and higher up... 672 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,180 and lower and lower down 673 00:43:47,180 --> 00:43:50,610 You're trying to get undressed behind a 2x4 back there... 674 00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,990 People can the underwear going down around your ankles... 675 00:43:58,990 --> 00:44:01,260 I don't know about you, but I always take my underwear off 676 00:44:01,260 --> 00:44:05,930 no matter what I'm trying on. 677 00:44:07,980 --> 00:44:10,170 Just a habit really... 678 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:14,190 That's so the salesperson can get to you. 679 00:44:14,190 --> 00:44:15,390 cause they couldn't before... 680 00:44:15,390 --> 00:44:17,320 for the door, they'd just be on the outside of the door: 681 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:18,930 "Can I get you anything, you need anything, everything alright?" 682 00:44:18,930 --> 00:44:20,110 "How is everything? Can I get you anything?" 683 00:44:20,110 --> 00:44:22,520 Now they can just poke their head in: "Can I get you anything?" 684 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,830 "How is everything? Everything alright?" 685 00:44:25,830 --> 00:44:31,300 Rollin' upside down on their little car mechanic?(car creeper). 686 00:44:35,070 --> 00:44:38,340 I said, I would call you, Rachel, I don't need anything. 687 00:44:39,150 --> 00:44:41,550 Scoop... 688 00:44:42,260 --> 00:44:44,400 Booa, they check on you a lot, don't they? 689 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,560 What could be going so wrong, 690 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,230 that they need to check on you that often. 691 00:44:48,230 --> 00:44:50,610 "MY BRA IS IN MY ASS!" 692 00:45:00,010 --> 00:45:00,760 "RACHEL!" 693 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,070 I'd like to see how far they'll go to help you, 694 00:45:22,070 --> 00:45:25,120 if you tell them your bra is in your ass. 695 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:28,300 "Oh my, it's in the ass?" 696 00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:32,820 Do you need a different size or color I don't know what to do... 697 00:45:32,820 --> 00:45:35,080 about the bra in the ass.. 698 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,600 I'll get the manager, I don't know... 699 00:45:42,530 --> 00:45:44,340 And they have taken the mirror out of the dressing room. 700 00:45:44,340 --> 00:45:47,700 So you are forced to walk out to take a look at yourself. 701 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,920 So they get another crack at you, to tell you, how you look. 702 00:45:50,930 --> 00:45:52,930 Cause you don't have opinions of your own. 703 00:45:52,930 --> 00:45:55,240 That looks fabulous... 704 00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:56,360 Really? 705 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,870 Yes, your ass looks fabulous... 706 00:45:59,870 --> 00:46:00,970 That is how they get you. 707 00:46:00,970 --> 00:46:03,720 They tell you, your ass looks good, you are buying it. 708 00:46:04,650 --> 00:46:10,150 That blouse, makes your ass looks fabulous... 709 00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,580 Is that your bra? 710 00:46:22,050 --> 00:46:27,000 Well, it makes your ass look fabulous. 711 00:46:31,900 --> 00:46:33,910 The ass is such an important thing, 712 00:46:34,070 --> 00:46:34,880 that we check out our asses like crazy, 713 00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:36,420 when we try on clothes... 714 00:46:36,420 --> 00:46:40,040 ?check out our ass, our entire facial expression changes. 715 00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,760 We make the ass face suddenly, it is that kind of... 716 00:46:52,580 --> 00:46:56,370 That's my asssssss... 717 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,700 And that's my ass that way... 718 00:47:07,180 --> 00:47:11,260 I'm gonna walk away, and that's my ass... 719 00:47:15,090 --> 00:47:16,850 We don't make the ass face, when we are at home... 720 00:47:16,850 --> 00:47:19,040 naked, looking at ourselves in the mirror... 721 00:47:19,050 --> 00:47:20,820 Totally different face then... 722 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,450 ♪that there♪ 723 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:14,660 I am amazed by people, who are just so comfortable with their nakedness... 724 00:48:14,660 --> 00:48:17,080 it doesn't matter, what they look like... 725 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:18,510 they're just totally comfortable being naked. 726 00:48:18,510 --> 00:48:19,980 I love that... I mean, I... 727 00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:21,790 I admire that in p... I think that people... 728 00:48:21,790 --> 00:48:23,640 that are like the ones most compfortable being naked... 729 00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,210 are people, who videotape their sex... 730 00:48:27,630 --> 00:48:30,870 You gotta be so confident about your body... 731 00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:31,790 videotaping your sex... 732 00:48:31,790 --> 00:48:34,070 Because, no matter, how much your partner loves you... 733 00:48:34,070 --> 00:48:37,550 in the heat of everything, stuff is moving so fast... 734 00:48:37,550 --> 00:48:38,900 and going on, you know... 735 00:48:38,900 --> 00:48:40,460 You're watching it back on video tape, 736 00:48:40,460 --> 00:48:45,820 you're risking your partner going: "I never saw that before!" 737 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:48,640 "Have you seen this on yourself right there?" 738 00:48:50,790 --> 00:48:52,090 I don't know, I just... feel like... 739 00:48:52,090 --> 00:48:55,070 People, who videotape their sex there is only one of two reasons 740 00:48:55,070 --> 00:48:58,080 that you're doing it cause, either you are so egotistical... 741 00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:03,170 you're looking at it together going: "Look at us!" 742 00:49:03,790 --> 00:49:07,980 We are hot! 743 00:49:08,710 --> 00:49:10,150 Look at us, look at us... 744 00:49:13,790 --> 00:49:15,100 Look at me, look at me... 745 00:49:18,820 --> 00:49:20,990 Look at you, look at me again, look, look, look... 746 00:49:21,340 --> 00:49:23,110 Look at me, you 747 00:49:23,110 --> 00:49:26,030 Or you are looking at it together like football players 748 00:49:26,030 --> 00:49:28,390 to try to improve for the next time... 749 00:49:28,930 --> 00:49:30,650 to get better, you know... 750 00:49:30,660 --> 00:49:34,250 Alright, let's take a look right here, shall we? 751 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,310 OK,here is what I'm talking about, see how your elbow is up so high? 752 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,340 and your back is arched right there? 753 00:49:43,750 --> 00:49:46,010 Not the best time to do it, I think I'd hold on with that 754 00:49:46,010 --> 00:49:50,580 until... THERE... that is when you do it, right there. 755 00:49:50,580 --> 00:49:52,960 And what's going on right here? What's up? 756 00:49:52,970 --> 00:49:55,590 What is happening right there? Huh? 757 00:49:55,590 --> 00:49:59,080 I'll tell you: nothing... 758 00:50:07,060 --> 00:50:08,520 A lot of energy, a lot of energy... 759 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,670 Look at my face! Nothing going on! 760 00:50:15,380 --> 00:50:16,860 You might wanna check in once in a while. 761 00:50:23,410 --> 00:50:26,550 I know I am biting my lip, it's to keep from laughing. 762 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:30,130 Where did you come up with that little techniq? 763 00:50:30,130 --> 00:50:32,000 Did you make that up? 764 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,880 I thought so. Don't do it! 765 00:50:37,540 --> 00:50:40,370 Don't cry! Come on! 766 00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:42,560 This is how we learn... 767 00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,730 Let's go, get back in there and try again, come on! 768 00:50:45,730 --> 00:50:48,250 What do you mean, you are not in the mood? 769 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:02,530 I don't know, I don't understand a lot of the stuff 770 00:51:02,530 --> 00:51:03,590 that people are into. 771 00:51:03,590 --> 00:51:05,520 But I do believe, that everyone has the right 772 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,470 to do, whatever they wanna do with their bodies. 773 00:51:07,470 --> 00:51:08,940 If it makes you feel good, do it. 774 00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:10,570 It is your life... 775 00:51:10,570 --> 00:51:12,040 It is your body... 776 00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:14,570 Two contending adults... 777 00:51:14,570 --> 00:51:16,070 I just don't understand a lot of it. 778 00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:19,140 Like people who are into the Mile High Club? 779 00:51:19,150 --> 00:51:21,840 Wanting to have sex in the bathroom on the b... 780 00:51:22,540 --> 00:51:24,580 I don't understand that, I have questions! 781 00:51:26,550 --> 00:51:28,000 How do you even have room 782 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:30,720 to fit two people in there to have sex? 783 00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:33,730 I barely have room to have sex in there by myself. 784 00:51:37,850 --> 00:51:41,800 I have to leave the door open a smidge cause my leg has to be like that... 785 00:51:44,260 --> 00:51:45,840 That's how I like it! 786 00:51:53,020 --> 00:51:55,750 Sex... that's a... boy, that will separate you... 787 00:51:55,750 --> 00:51:57,000 You tell sb what you are into... 788 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,200 and people are: "Uuh, you like that? You are weird!" 789 00:51:59,210 --> 00:52:02,860 That separates people like crazy, when you talk about sexuality. 790 00:52:02,860 --> 00:52:05,540 Very interesting, we have this huge debate going on right now... 791 00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:07,940 about same-sex marriage. 792 00:52:07,940 --> 00:52:10,470 There are people, who are against it, there are people, who are for it. 793 00:52:10,470 --> 00:52:13,730 and the people, who are against it some people say: 794 00:52:13,730 --> 00:52:15,900 Marriage is a union between a man and a woman... 795 00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:18,040 it's always been that way and it should always remain that way. 796 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:19,040 if we change it 797 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,090 and it's between two people of the same sex. 798 00:52:21,090 --> 00:52:22,950 then, what is next? Someone could marry an animal? 799 00:52:22,950 --> 00:52:25,090 That's where they go to right away. 800 00:52:27,930 --> 00:52:29,040 These people scare me... 801 00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,840 And they think, we are weird. 802 00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:45,900 I don't wanna marry a goat, I really don't 803 00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:50,490 I can't imagine marrying a goat, I can't even imagine dating a goat. 804 00:52:50,490 --> 00:52:54,110 Getting to the point that you're so serious to make that kind of commitment 805 00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,580 Till you've lived together for a while 806 00:52:56,580 --> 00:52:57,340 to figure it out 807 00:52:57,340 --> 00:52:59,570 and see of you are compatible. 808 00:52:59,570 --> 00:53:02,200 I am just picturing the apartment with you and the goat. 809 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,440 Photographs all over the place. 810 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:09,040 You and the goat on the beach running holding hands... 811 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,470 You and the goat with the 4 for 1 photo strip 812 00:53:23,630 --> 00:53:25,120 Sunday morning, you're trying to read the paper... 813 00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,360 It's trying to eat it... 814 00:53:27,650 --> 00:53:30,060 Don't you eat that section, I haven't read that, yet. 815 00:53:30,060 --> 00:53:33,710 Don't you eat, don't you eat, come here... 816 00:53:33,750 --> 00:53:37,230 Love you, you... goat. 817 00:53:47,590 --> 00:53:49,710 I think that would be a though day even for the most liberal parents 818 00:53:49,710 --> 00:53:52,310 the day you bring the goat home. 819 00:53:52,950 --> 00:53:57,360 Mom, dad, this is Billy... 820 00:54:02,050 --> 00:54:04,170 We are in love... 821 00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:07,900 If you don't like st, 822 00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,420 say you don't like it, say you disapprove of it. 823 00:54:10,420 --> 00:54:12,610 say, it's your opinion, that you don't like it... 824 00:54:12,610 --> 00:54:13,720 or it's wrong. 825 00:54:13,720 --> 00:54:15,560 Everyone's got a right for their opinion. 826 00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:16,550 I fully believe that. 827 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,250 But when people bring God into it and say: 828 00:54:18,250 --> 00:54:20,950 God says this, God wants this, God believes that... 829 00:54:21,450 --> 00:54:22,280 I don't know, how you do that. 830 00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:22,980 I don't know, how you speak for someone else, 831 00:54:22,980 --> 00:54:25,400 because until you are sitting with someone 832 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,850 and hear it for yourself with your own ears... 833 00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:31,430 out of someone else's mouth it's hard to speak for someone else 834 00:54:31,430 --> 00:54:33,380 That's what I believe... 835 00:54:40,790 --> 00:54:45,060 I have learned in this business to not believe anything I read or hear 836 00:54:45,060 --> 00:54:46,870 until I sit down with that person and 837 00:54:46,870 --> 00:54:48,150 hear it for myself. 838 00:54:48,450 --> 00:54:50,070 That's one of the ? of this business. 839 00:54:50,070 --> 00:54:51,720 You get to meet a lot of interesting people. 840 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:54,460 and you get to have a lot of interesting conversations. 841 00:54:54,460 --> 00:54:56,310 I've been lucky enough I've met the president, 842 00:54:56,310 --> 00:54:59,010 and Oprah, and Madonna, and lot of people and so... 843 00:54:59,010 --> 00:55:03,750 it was a matter of time before I would met God and I have. 844 00:55:07,090 --> 00:55:10,130 What a day that was! 845 00:55:10,130 --> 00:55:12,700 I will tell ya something, this was magical for me 846 00:55:12,700 --> 00:55:15,040 cause I was invited over to God's house one afernoon... 847 00:55:15,050 --> 00:55:17,060 for a fondue and chablis. 848 00:55:18,990 --> 00:55:21,970 Normally, I don't like chablis, but it was nice, it was dry... 849 00:55:21,980 --> 00:55:23,870 with a peppery oak aftertaste. 850 00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:27,780 I'm getting ahead of myself, anyway, so... 851 00:55:27,790 --> 00:55:29,590 I get up to God's house. 852 00:55:29,590 --> 00:55:33,290 As I am pulling up, Jeniffer Love Hewitt was just leaving. 853 00:55:35,510 --> 00:55:37,280 She is sweet... 854 00:55:38,530 --> 00:55:41,520 So I go in and I'm sitting in God's living room... 855 00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,050 and I'm waiting... 856 00:55:43,050 --> 00:55:44,530 It's bright in there, let me tell you that. 857 00:55:44,530 --> 00:55:47,090 Every lamp was on, crazy, crazy bright in there. 858 00:55:47,090 --> 00:55:48,900 So I'm sitting there and I'm waiting. 859 00:55:48,900 --> 00:55:50,180 And I started thinking... 860 00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:51,800 Wonder what he is dressed like... 861 00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:54,110 I wonder, if he's wearing that robe all the time. 862 00:55:54,110 --> 00:55:55,630 Because I feel like that about the Pope 863 00:55:55,660 --> 00:55:59,630 like once in a while, don't you think he throws a pair of shorts and a tank? 864 00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,480 Chillin' out... 865 00:56:01,890 --> 00:56:02,790 Then I start thinking: 866 00:56:02,790 --> 00:56:05,310 I wonder, if I am dressed appropriatelly to meet God. 867 00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,480 I don't know, how you are supposed to dress... 868 00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:08,910 and then I realize, God's seen me naked. 869 00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,220 I just took my clothes off. 870 00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:16,880 So I'm looking around the living room 871 00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,020 and in front of me there is a coffee table 872 00:56:19,020 --> 00:56:24,320 with two magazines on: Teen People and Guns and Amo. 873 00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:29,590 A poster of a kitten on the wall: Hang in there, baby! 874 00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:34,890 Pictures of Jesus EVERYWHERE... I mean 875 00:56:34,900 --> 00:56:37,340 You can't even believe, how many pics of Jesus there were. 876 00:56:37,340 --> 00:56:41,270 Picture of Jesus on a pony with a cowboy hat. 877 00:56:44,110 --> 00:56:46,550 Picture of Jesus on a beach with the T-shirt that said: 878 00:56:46,550 --> 00:56:50,030 My parents created the universe and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. 879 00:56:57,470 --> 00:56:59,650 I was getting nervous, I'm gonna meet God... 880 00:56:59,650 --> 00:57:01,430 and just a minute, I don't even know, how to greet God. 881 00:57:01,430 --> 00:57:04,580 Do I shake hands? Do I courtesy or do I bow? 882 00:57:04,580 --> 00:57:06,250 Do we hug? I feel close enough to God. 883 00:57:06,250 --> 00:57:09,640 To hug God, but I know, many people want to hug me 884 00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:10,300 because TV does that. 885 00:57:10,300 --> 00:57:12,800 But I don't want to hug a lot of these people. 886 00:57:14,610 --> 00:57:15,460 It's just trying to be respectful. 887 00:57:15,460 --> 00:57:17,710 A couple of minutes later, God walks in the room 888 00:57:17,710 --> 00:57:21,090 carying a try of fondue and chablis. 889 00:57:21,090 --> 00:57:25,550 I would say, she was about forty-seven, forty-eight years old... 890 00:57:36,090 --> 00:57:41,690 Just beautiful, beautiful black woman. 891 00:57:47,290 --> 00:57:49,290 We just immediately hugged... 892 00:57:49,290 --> 00:57:50,830 she smelled so good,... 893 00:57:50,830 --> 00:57:53,810 she said, it was Kelvin Klein's Obsession. 894 00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:58,170 We sat down and started drinking the chablis 895 00:57:58,170 --> 00:57:59,590 and talking about the weather... 896 00:57:59,590 --> 00:58:02,570 what was gonna happen to it. 897 00:58:05,250 --> 00:58:07,530 I was asking different questions, a bunch of questions... 898 00:58:07,530 --> 00:58:08,530 I was just curious about. 899 00:58:08,530 --> 00:58:11,240 What is the hardest thing about being God... 900 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,610 She said, trusting people... 901 00:58:12,610 --> 00:58:14,410 You never know, if people really like you... 902 00:58:14,410 --> 00:58:17,240 Or if it's just cause you're God. 903 00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:20,340 People always want st from you. 904 00:58:20,340 --> 00:58:21,670 they want money 905 00:58:21,670 --> 00:58:22,670 and they want more money... 906 00:58:22,670 --> 00:58:25,180 that's what they ask a lot, nobody ever thanks anymore. 907 00:58:25,180 --> 00:58:29,670 The only people, who thank, are boxers and rappers. 908 00:58:33,820 --> 00:58:36,260 Rappers are singing songs like: "Slap the bitch up the ass. " 909 00:58:36,270 --> 00:58:41,580 I'd like to thank the Lord Almighty for this award... 910 00:58:41,580 --> 00:58:44,420 Praise Jesus... 911 00:58:47,610 --> 00:58:49,700 Nobody cares about the miracles anymore. 912 00:58:49,700 --> 00:58:51,550 Miracles just go by unnoticed. 913 00:58:51,550 --> 00:58:52,960 I said: "What was the last miracle?" 914 00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:54,900 and she cried... she was upset that I had to ask. 915 00:58:54,900 --> 00:59:00,010 It's the toilette that flushes automatically. 916 00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:04,090 Before that it was the George Foreman Grill 917 00:59:04,090 --> 00:59:05,780 cause the fat just dripps right off... 918 00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:17,330 So anyway, I guess, it was the chablis, or st, but I'd loosen up enough to say: 919 00:59:17,330 --> 00:59:21,500 God, I have to admit, I really felt alone a lot, 920 00:59:21,500 --> 00:59:26,100 I felt like you didn't exist, I didn't believe in you for a time. 921 00:59:26,110 --> 00:59:31,320 She said: "Do you remember that day you were walking on the beach... " 922 00:59:34,740 --> 00:59:38,910 I said: "Yeah. " She said: "I was there. " 923 00:59:38,910 --> 00:59:42,020 I said: "There was just one set of footprints though. " 924 00:59:46,950 --> 00:59:50,840 She said: "I was on your back... " 925 00:59:57,400 --> 00:59:59,540 I tought I felt a heavy that day. 926 00:59:59,550 --> 01:00:03,140 I thought it was water retention. 927 01:00:03,140 --> 01:00:04,140 No, that when you're bloated... I am there... 928 01:00:07,910 --> 01:00:09,230 That comforts me... 929 01:00:10,180 --> 01:00:12,290 I'm not gonna bore you with everything 930 01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:13,120 we talked a lot of stuff... 931 01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,050 she told me the meaning of life and stuff like that... but anyway. 932 01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,040 I was leaving, I was walking out the door, 933 01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:19,970 and I turned around and I said: 934 01:00:19,970 --> 01:00:23,080 God, I have to say I am sorry. 935 01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:27,040 I am so sorry that we are killing all the animals. 936 01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:28,220 I am so sorry that we are chopping down all the trees. 937 01:00:28,220 --> 01:00:31,260 I am sorry that we are filled with hate instead of love 938 01:00:31,260 --> 01:00:33,010 I am sorry that we call each other names 939 01:00:33,010 --> 01:00:33,710 and judge each other. 940 01:00:33,710 --> 01:00:36,080 I am sorry that we go to war and kill each other. 941 01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:37,080 I am sorry. 942 01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,010 and she was silent for a few seconds. 943 01:00:39,010 --> 01:00:40,030 Then she looked at me and she said: 944 01:00:40,030 --> 01:00:44,650 Have you seen Gloria Estephan's hair lately?