1 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:25,000 English subtitles ripped by antsh 2 00:00:32,739 --> 00:00:33,849 Come on. 3 00:00:42,749 --> 00:00:45,829 This is a 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. 4 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,749 "DMC" stands for DeLorean Motor Company. 5 00:00:49,789 --> 00:00:51,859 The company was started by John Z. DeLorean. 6 00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:55,859 The cars were built in Belfast, Ireland... 7 00:00:55,909 --> 00:00:59,019 ...with the financial assistance of Johnny Carson and Sammy Davis, Jr. 8 00:01:00,779 --> 00:01:04,809 Belfast, two celebrities.... I don't know why it didn't work out. 9 00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:12,849 It famously appears in the movie Back to the Future. 10 00:01:12,899 --> 00:01:14,929 I always like the line the professor says: 11 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,919 "If you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?" 12 00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:23,009 It does have some interesting features: Gull-wing doors... 13 00:01:23,759 --> 00:01:26,989 ...unpainted stainless steel body panels by one of the great Italian designers... 14 00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:29,809 ...and a rear-mounted engine. 15 00:01:31,819 --> 00:01:33,869 -Patton Oswalt. -Jerry! 16 00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,729 You can't even believe this is happening, can you? 17 00:01:36,779 --> 00:01:38,819 I'm sure I'm gonna wake up a few times. 18 00:01:38,869 --> 00:01:41,959 In show business, when someone says, "We should do that thing".... 19 00:01:42,009 --> 00:01:44,939 That was a way to peel off of whoever you were talking to... 20 00:01:44,989 --> 00:01:46,949 ...at the party and get to somebody else. 21 00:01:46,999 --> 00:01:48,839 -To what? -Well, you picked... 22 00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:51,769 ...the overweight 44-year-old hipster to hook up with... 23 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:54,889 ...because I'm gonna take you right to the heart of Generation Y. 24 00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:57,899 Great. Let's go back to the future. 25 00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:00,809 I'll pick you up in two minutes. 26 00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:11,889 I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. 27 00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:16,729 Today my guest is Patton Oswalt. 28 00:02:16,779 --> 00:02:19,829 Patton is a very clever stand-up comedian, writer, actor... 29 00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:22,939 ...and he was the voice of Remy in the film Ratatouille. 30 00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:26,879 I know him because the very first acting job of his life... 31 00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,959 ...was on a '90s TV series called Seinfeld. 32 00:02:30,959 --> 00:02:33,959 -What do you think of that? -Oh, Jerry. 33 00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:35,999 Every thought just flew out of my head. 34 00:02:36,749 --> 00:02:38,729 I'm gonna actually drive a DeLorean. 35 00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:41,839 This has dark cultural history attached to it, man. 36 00:02:41,889 --> 00:02:43,959 -Yeah. Yeah. -This is '80s hubris. 37 00:02:45,009 --> 00:02:47,749 The gull wing is so pretentious, isn't it? 38 00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:49,769 It's so not helpful. 39 00:02:49,819 --> 00:02:53,829 No, it's just when you pull up to a place and you want people to go, "Who's that?" 40 00:02:54,989 --> 00:02:58,909 Once this thing hits 88 miles an hour, we're gonna be genuinely surprised. 41 00:03:04,909 --> 00:03:06,879 We went 20 feet. 42 00:03:09,999 --> 00:03:12,749 You see the stance of fear? 43 00:03:13,809 --> 00:03:14,959 I have Uber on my cell phone. 44 00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:19,759 -I'm not feeling a bit, are you? -The only thing that makes it... 45 00:03:19,809 --> 00:03:21,889 ...possibly a bit is that it's a DeLorean. 46 00:03:21,939 --> 00:03:25,829 And in a weird way, you and I are reliving, symbolically... 47 00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:26,979 ...the whole rise and fall. 48 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:29,889 -This is-- -That sounds like a panel story to me. 49 00:03:29,949 --> 00:03:32,969 I didn't know we had different categor-- That's panel, my friend. 50 00:03:33,019 --> 00:03:35,819 Please. Is panel better than a bit? 51 00:03:35,869 --> 00:03:36,979 -Is panel--? Oh, okay. -No. 52 00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:39,749 There's nothing better than a bit. 53 00:03:39,799 --> 00:03:41,889 -A killer bit. -A bit... 54 00:03:41,939 --> 00:03:43,889 ...is a bar of gold. 55 00:03:43,939 --> 00:03:47,779 A talk-show panel story is something that's too good to throw out... 56 00:03:47,829 --> 00:03:50,019 -...but not good enough to use. -Right. 57 00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:51,859 Like this car. 58 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:57,999 What did Roger Ebert say? "No good movie is long enough. 59 00:03:58,749 --> 00:03:59,919 No bad movie is short enough." 60 00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:01,729 -That's a good line. -Yeah. 61 00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:03,909 "Long" and "short" are code words for good and bad. 62 00:04:03,959 --> 00:04:05,019 Exactly, yeah. 63 00:04:05,769 --> 00:04:08,879 There are 8-second videos I can't watch two seconds of, they're so bad. 64 00:04:08,929 --> 00:04:10,859 Can't get through the third second. 65 00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,869 You never had to deal with network notes? 66 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,989 -No. No, never got them. -You're like a unicorn. 67 00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:17,969 -Yeah. -I'd be writing on sketch shows. 68 00:04:18,019 --> 00:04:21,809 They would literally say, "The Hitler sketch is really funny. 69 00:04:21,859 --> 00:04:23,789 Does he have to be so anti-Semitic?" 70 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,939 When DC did their "Death of Superman," it was this huge event... 71 00:04:29,989 --> 00:04:31,869 ...it was in TIME magazine. 72 00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:34,779 And six months later, they're like, "Yeah, he's alive." 73 00:04:34,829 --> 00:04:37,899 Okay, now, I wanna ask you, how would you have killed Superman? 74 00:04:38,819 --> 00:04:41,769 Superman gets his powers from our yellow sun... 75 00:04:41,819 --> 00:04:44,009 ...but he's here every day soaking up that energy. 76 00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,729 -Yeah. -Make it a thing where it's like... 77 00:04:46,779 --> 00:04:48,899 ...the longer he stays, it's starting to kill him... 78 00:04:48,949 --> 00:04:50,939 ...then there's a massive disaster looming. 79 00:04:50,989 --> 00:04:54,739 "Do I stay and stop this thing, but then die in the process... 80 00:04:54,789 --> 00:04:55,899 ...or leave and save myself?" 81 00:04:55,949 --> 00:04:59,919 That's really good story thinking you just did there. 82 00:04:59,969 --> 00:05:01,999 I would like to see your screenplays. 83 00:05:02,749 --> 00:05:03,949 I'm just joking. I have no interest. 84 00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:06,009 All right, let's go Uber. 85 00:05:09,919 --> 00:05:13,979 This is a 2012 Honda Accord SE sedan, driven by Yuri. 86 00:05:14,729 --> 00:05:16,949 He's 34 years old, originally from Armenia. 87 00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:20,899 Yuri came because we called Uber. I'm Jerry Seinfeld and this... 88 00:05:20,949 --> 00:05:21,959 How you doing? 89 00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:24,879 ...is another try at Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. 90 00:05:26,879 --> 00:05:28,869 Tell me about this place that we're going. 91 00:05:28,919 --> 00:05:31,969 This is your selection. Tell me, why would anyone ever be downtown? 92 00:05:32,019 --> 00:05:35,779 Because downtown is slowly turning into Brooklyn. 93 00:05:35,829 --> 00:05:37,839 I get it. Everybody needs a Brooklyn. 94 00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:43,819 Look at this industrial kind of wasteland, and then in the middle of it... 95 00:05:43,869 --> 00:05:45,859 ...there's this coffee shop someone opened. 96 00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:48,989 In this sketch neighborhood. Like, "Damn it, we're gonna do it anyway." 97 00:05:49,969 --> 00:05:54,789 There's a lot of independent movie scripts that get started in coffee shops. 98 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,879 A lot of screenwriters working on page seven... 99 00:05:56,929 --> 00:06:00,009 ...before they went over to check their Facebook and quit. 100 00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:04,739 We're going to a place called the Handsome Coffee Roasters. 101 00:06:04,789 --> 00:06:05,869 Their life is just coffee. 102 00:06:05,919 --> 00:06:07,999 And it's the most perfect coffee. 103 00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:14,829 I am excited! 104 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:25,769 Is this it? 105 00:06:27,999 --> 00:06:31,869 -Boy, there's only two things? -This is serious stuff, man. 106 00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:35,009 -What about sweetener? -Do you have sugar? 107 00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:36,959 We carry no sweeteners here. 108 00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:40,829 No sweeteners at the Handsome Coffee Roasters, my friend. 109 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:49,839 In these coffee shops, they give everything clever names. 110 00:06:49,889 --> 00:06:51,839 "The Hell Cow," "The Night Watch." 111 00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:54,869 -"Satan's Crowbar." -Satan's Crowbar is good. 112 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,759 Let me ask you this question: 113 00:06:58,809 --> 00:07:00,989 When you watch Keith Olbermann now doing the wrap-up... 114 00:07:01,739 --> 00:07:02,939 -...of a baseball game... -Right. 115 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:07,009 ...after being this insane political demagogue.... 116 00:07:07,769 --> 00:07:09,949 And I like Olbermann, but this career move... 117 00:07:09,999 --> 00:07:12,869 -...is a pretty funny one to me. -It's beyond lateral. 118 00:07:12,919 --> 00:07:14,949 -Yeah. -It's sideways reversal. How do you--? 119 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:19,019 He was all but calling out the commander in chief to step down. 120 00:07:19,769 --> 00:07:20,889 -Yes. -And now he's saying: 121 00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:24,869 "You can't take a lead that big off of second in the seventh inning." 122 00:07:24,919 --> 00:07:26,889 With the same energy. 123 00:07:26,939 --> 00:07:29,799 Imagine driving a car 90, then throwing it in reverse. 124 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,959 See what happens. Like, that's what he's doing. 125 00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:37,969 One thing I love is when the manager walks out to the mound... 126 00:07:38,019 --> 00:07:41,769 ...and you know he has to tell the pitcher, "We gotta take you out." 127 00:07:41,819 --> 00:07:45,749 And you just see his face, he's just so upset... 128 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,969 ...and no dialogue, it's like silent movie acting. 129 00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:50,769 And the pitcher is sort of starting to deflate. 130 00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:53,759 And the manager-- Always the manager just struts back. 131 00:07:53,809 --> 00:07:55,909 How about the ball thing, "Give me the ball"? 132 00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,989 Like that's the only ball. 133 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,819 -Yeah. -You know? We got a million balls here. 134 00:08:00,869 --> 00:08:02,909 It's, "Give me that one you got. I want yours." 135 00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:04,789 -It's a symbol. -I know. 136 00:08:04,839 --> 00:08:07,829 "Your gun and your badge. Put them on my desk. 137 00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:09,979 Now." "Really? Because there's other guns here." 138 00:08:10,729 --> 00:08:11,869 "I don't-- Give me your gun." 139 00:08:14,789 --> 00:08:16,939 Look, there's a DeLorean on the back of a flatbed. 140 00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:18,979 Maybe that's how they should sell them. 141 00:08:19,729 --> 00:08:23,009 -"You sit, you get a driver with it--" -"We sell you the pickup, the flatbed. 142 00:08:23,759 --> 00:08:24,959 You just drive it around." 143 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,769 Give me the downtown L.A. starter kit. What do you need? 144 00:08:29,819 --> 00:08:32,999 Here's what you need. You need, like, a World War I British messenger bag... 145 00:08:33,749 --> 00:08:35,959 ...that they would-- That's what you put your laptop in. 146 00:08:36,009 --> 00:08:38,989 You need very comfortable sneakers... 147 00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:42,899 ...but they have to be the kind that you went to a pop-up store... 148 00:08:42,949 --> 00:08:45,909 ...when they were making them, custom designs. 149 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,769 -So the door has to be cardboard. -Literally, yeah. 150 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:53,799 You need a really over-bred, not-healthy dog... 151 00:08:53,849 --> 00:08:55,739 ...a French bulldog or something... 152 00:08:55,789 --> 00:08:58,019 ...that's been bred for a certain look but it's also dying. 153 00:08:58,769 --> 00:09:01,979 Walk that around. It has to have a harness because its neck is all messed up. 154 00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:04,799 You have to be very white. 155 00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:07,789 -And you read Salon.com. -Oh, yeah? 156 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,969 And you're all about, "I'm very, very comfortable with diversity"... 157 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:13,799 ...but secretly you're terrified of other races. 158 00:09:13,849 --> 00:09:16,969 I see. Any bright colors allowed, or do we have to keep it subdued? 159 00:09:17,019 --> 00:09:19,879 -Very, very subdued. -Why? Because we're depressed? 160 00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:22,799 No, because, hey, you're serious, man. You're serious. 161 00:09:22,849 --> 00:09:25,819 If you have bright colors, it'll either be on your Etsy site... 162 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,979 -Right. -...or it's gonna be in the bit... 163 00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:32,739 ...of graffiti art that you paid to be put on the inside of your work loft space. 164 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,899 To show how eclectic and dangerous you are. 165 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,919 You ruined this neighborhood for yourself. 166 00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,869 -I know-- -Now you can't move down here. 167 00:09:40,949 --> 00:09:43,729 Who's your favorite superhero? 168 00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:47,849 Oh, he took the long pause there. 169 00:09:47,899 --> 00:09:49,929 That was a heavy pause. 170 00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:54,849 My kid asked me the other day, do I believe in God? 171 00:09:54,899 --> 00:09:56,819 And I didn't take that long... 172 00:09:56,869 --> 00:09:58,009 ...as you just took. 173 00:09:58,759 --> 00:10:00,749 The weight on your shoulders. 174 00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:03,839 -The two-- -No, there's no two. 175 00:10:03,889 --> 00:10:05,909 Who is your favorite superhero? 176 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,799 I think my favorite superhero is Spider-Man. 177 00:10:11,849 --> 00:10:13,019 As I get older, it's Spider-Man. 178 00:10:13,769 --> 00:10:15,799 -As you get older? -Yeah, because... 179 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,889 ...it is the one superhero comic where: 180 00:10:18,939 --> 00:10:21,989 "Should I be out crime-fighting if I wanna have a family? 181 00:10:22,739 --> 00:10:24,839 Maybe I should stop. Does the city really need me?" 182 00:10:24,889 --> 00:10:28,859 So you like all that self-doubt. What a surprise. 183 00:10:30,979 --> 00:10:33,899 I'm waiting for someone to come in here that looks like me. 184 00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:36,889 You're gonna be waiting a long time, my friend. 185 00:10:36,939 --> 00:10:40,749 You may have to settle for you with a handlebar mustache. 186 00:10:49,239 --> 00:10:51,239 Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. 187 00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:55,289 There was more than one of these? You had a backup DeLorean? 188 00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:57,349 -Yeah. -You had a DeLorean, a spare? 189 00:10:57,399 --> 00:11:01,159 Spare DeLorean. If you're gonna get into DeLoreans.... 190 00:11:01,309 --> 00:11:02,379 You better have a spare. 191 00:11:06,339 --> 00:11:08,409 -I have a kid, and every day... -Right. 192 00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:11,179 ...is an endless potential for, "Oh, wait... 193 00:11:11,229 --> 00:11:13,349 ...that's how something can affect you for life." 194 00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:15,399 She has all these favorite shows... 195 00:11:16,149 --> 00:11:18,319 ...Doc McStuffins and Mickey Mouse Club, kid shows. 196 00:11:18,369 --> 00:11:19,379 -Right? -Right. 197 00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:23,189 Remember they remade The Wolfman with Benicio Del Toro. 198 00:11:23,239 --> 00:11:27,139 I swear to God, I turned the TV on, and it was the exact moment... 199 00:11:27,189 --> 00:11:31,159 ...when he is just "Wolfman-ed" out. I mean... 200 00:11:31,209 --> 00:11:33,379 -...shirt in tatters and... -Oh, no! 201 00:11:34,129 --> 00:11:35,369 ...blood, blood, blood. 202 00:11:35,419 --> 00:11:38,259 And screaming, like, at the camera, that big roar. 203 00:11:38,309 --> 00:11:41,219 My daughter didn't scream or cry, but she did that thing... 204 00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:44,199 ...where she gets really still and her eyes got really wide. 205 00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:47,389 And in my mind, like, it's all implanting on her brain right now. 206 00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:49,329 -Oh, God. -And I saw, like... 207 00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:53,129 ...into the future, she's a 26-year-old heroin addict going: 208 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:56,249 "Yeah, the heroin takes care of the werewolf nightmares, Dad, thanks." 209 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,389 You do not know what's going to screw them up. 210 00:11:59,139 --> 00:12:00,349 -Tell you what it won't be. -What? 211 00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:02,349 -Whatever you think it is. -Yes! 212 00:12:02,399 --> 00:12:06,149 It's gonna be that mint-chip cone that you buy her. 213 00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:10,379 "Why was there little black things in my ice cream?" 214 00:12:21,399 --> 00:12:23,219 Jerry, you're leaking coolant. 215 00:12:23,269 --> 00:12:26,129 Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee will be right back... 216 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,149 ...after this brief word from our sponsor. 217 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,830 This is so great. 218 00:13:04,431 --> 00:13:08,561 These guys do barista and roasting competitions. 219 00:13:08,611 --> 00:13:10,481 They go do it competitively. 220 00:13:10,531 --> 00:13:13,481 His next competition is in February... 221 00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:17,511 ...and it qualifies him, if he wins, for the nationals. 222 00:13:17,561 --> 00:13:19,491 -The nationals? -In Portland. 223 00:13:19,541 --> 00:13:21,611 -And there's world ones. -Where are the worlds? 224 00:13:21,661 --> 00:13:23,391 -Dublin. -Dublin. 225 00:13:23,441 --> 00:13:25,581 Dublin, Ireland. Of course. 226 00:13:25,651 --> 00:13:28,411 Well, they make great cars.