You know, George, you'd think a man of your stature
would be able to find some underling to help you with this brainless grunt work.
There you are, Mr. Turner. Make me proud.
Ah, how did I not see that coming?
- Ah, "Turnaround Dance," huh? - Yes, the young ladies ask the young men.
Ah, so the guys are sweatin' it out, huh? Ha, ha, ha... poor dopes.
I'm glad those days are over.
- Good morning, George. Jonathan. - Oh, hi, Kat.
Ahh... Miss Tompkins, I trust you're available to chaperone this Friday?
- Do I have a choice? - No.
Can't wait.
And of course feel free to invite a gentleman.
After all, it is a "Turnaround Dance."
Oh, that's right. Thanks.
Jonathan?
Yes.
A little higher on the right.
Turnaround dance, huh? Girls ask the guys.
Merry Christmas to me.
Ah, it's about time the girls had to worry and sweat
and write out a list of topics to talk about on their hands.
- You do that? - No, never.
I'm just glad the pressure's off. You know, we just get to sit back and wait.
Is that what you think, the pressure's off?
- Dream on, girls. - Wait! Come back, come back. What?
Look, a turnaround dance tells you where you stand.
And the type of girl who asks you, tells you who you are.
- Well, who are you if nobody asks? - Then you're you.
Well, how do you get asked by a cool girl?
- Positioning. - Huh?
Look, you want a cool girl, hang near her locker.
Stay in her direct vision. If she can't see you, she can't ask you.
Remember, positioning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey...! Jacqueline, where you headed?
You know, I was just going that way.
OK, positioning.
We're in a main hallway,
between the bathroom and a drinking fountain.
There's good foot-traffic. All right, let's do it.
Shawn! Come on, positioning.
How do you expect to get asked out with your head in a locker?
Shawn, would you go to the turnaround dance with me?
Becky? How are you? Sure, I'll go.
- Pick you up at eight? - I'll wear something sexy.
Becky Scholtz... I'm impressed, Shawn.
She's like the third coolest girl in our grade.
You know, the pressure's totally off you...
...and all on me.
Ok... OK, positioning.
Positioning.
Hey, Cory... Shawn. What are you guys doing?
Oh... uh... we're just... standing and being here...
And hoping a girl asks you to the dance?
- Could be. - Well, I'm not going.
My only hope.
I mean.... why?
It's a protest. The concept of a turnaround dance,
implies that all the other times, only the boys can do the asking.
That's destructive, gender-biased thinking, and we have to get beyond that.
Why?
Besides, that weekend, my daddy's taking me to New York for Christmas shopping.
I'll see you in class.
Oh, man, now I've got to find an above-average girl,
who's into, "destructive, gender-biased thinking."
- How about Allison? - Allison Cheever? Get real.
Why, just because she's the coolest girl in our grade, you don't think she'd ask me?
If a bomb dropped on the school and every other boy was killed except you?
She'd go with the most popular dead guy.
(bell ringing)
- Come on, man, we've got class. - Go... learn.
My place is here.
(music swells)
- Cory? - Yes.
Would you go to the Turnaround Dance with me?
Yes, I 'd love to go with you!
Yes? You said, "yes"?
- Where'd you come from? - I asked you and you said, "yes."
Cory Matthews and I are going to the dance.
I can't believe it. An average guy said yes to me.
Listen, Ingrid, you know how you think I said I'd go to the dance with you?
You're gonna think this is pretty amazing, but see, that wasn't me.
See, there's this guy, who looks like me and sounds like me, but he's not me.
Now, I reported him to the police, but they keep arresting me.
Oh, yeah, that'll work.
- Dad! - No, it's not me.
It's just a guy who looks like me.
And the both of us are wondering what the two of you are up to?
OK, look. This girl Ingrid, she invited me to the Turnaround Dance
and I don't want to go. I mean, I wanna go, just not with her.
- But you said yes to her. - Yeah, but my whole social standing
for the rest of the year depends on which girl I'm there with.
Oh, that's different. I understand.
Go with the girl you said yes to.
Eric, I don't want to hurt Ingrid, 'cause she's a really sweet girl.
But enough about her, get me out of this date.
- Look, you heard what Dad said. - Oh, please, he's old. He's out of touch.
I mean, the last girl he dated was Mom.
No, no, no, no... Cor, Cor, Cor...
You have to go with Ingrid. You bail on this girl, it's all over for you.
- Why? It's one girl, one date. - No, no, no...
You dump one girl, they're all gonna know and they're all gonna hate you.
Remember, women are in constant communication with each other.
What are you talking about?
Cor, did you enjoy the vegetarian chili mom made last night as much as I did?
You know, sometimes I think we take our great mom for granted.
Eric, could we please stick to my problem for a second here?
Yes, your problem. Your problem is the international women's network.
Look, you blow off this girl,
everybody online's gonna know about it in the morning.
- Oh, I don't believe that. - Well, you could be right,
- then again... - I didn't know you liked my chili.
What can I get my wonderful boys for dinner tomorrow night?
And bad news, it travels even faster.
... Shaw's play, Pygmalion, is filled with strong opinions about class prejudice.
You guys agree or disagree?
Wow, I didn't know they were taking the class picture today.
Come on. How you speak, how you walk, affects how you're gonna do in life.
You guys believe that?
- (all murmur) - Oh, come on.
What if day one I walked into this classroom...
(Jersey accent) Hey, how ya doin'? My name is Mr. Turner.
I gonna be learnin' yous guys some good English. OK?
- What would you think? - I'd have a shot at an A.
How you speak, how you look, affects people's perceptions of who you are.
- (bell ringing) - Read Pygmalion, people!
Don't make me do this again tomorrow.
Cory, you're gonna love me.
I just figured out how to make your date with Ingrid work.
It's OK, Shawn, I've accepted my average fate.
No, look, you'd be happy to go to the dance with her if she was cool.
- Yeah, but she's not cool. - So we make her cool.
- Is that possible? - It's all here in the pig-play.
You know, we change her clothes, her hair... her whole look.
Shawn, we're guys. What do we know about girls clothes?
Not much, but I'm thinking Becky Schultz knows a whole lot.
- You think she'd help us? - Hey, she asked me to the dance,
and I said yes. So I figure I could ask her for something and she'd say yes.
You sure you wanna waste it on this?
- Hi, Kat. - Hi, Jonathan.
Do you have any plans for the weekend? You leaving town? Holidays with the folks?
Actually, George has me chaperoning the Turnaround Dance.
Oh, right. Yeah, that's the one where the girls ask the guys.
Yeah, and the guys sweat it out waiting. Poor dopes.
Ha! Yeah, poor dopes.
Poor, poor dopes.
Try a hammer, Mr. Turner.
All right, what do you think? Ingrid with this hair?
And these lips.
All right, Morgan, go bring this upstairs to Ingrid and Becky.
- She's scary looking. - Boys like that.
Boys shouldn't like that. Look at these women, they're starved.
They've had lifts and implants. All to just make them look like some
idiotic male fantasy image of women. Where did you find pictures like these?
In the magazines on your night stand.
Oh, you didn't open the drawer, did you?
Here she comes.
- Wow, she looks just like Becky. - I am Becky.
Ladies and gentlemen, the new and improved Ingrid Iverson!
- Wow! - Is it OK?
- Yeah. - Nope.
- (all) What?! - I'm telling you, we missed.
- It doesn't work at all. - Becky said I looked pretty.
Yeah, you do. Shawn, what's with you? She's gorgeous.
Fine, she's gorgeous. What does that give you?
- Pretty much everything. - Cory, we're going for cool here.
Cool is more than just looks. It's an attitude, it's a feel.
Look. This girl is exotic. There's something mysterious about her.
She looks like her name would be, Ameretto, or Frangelico, or Kahlua.
You mean we need to give Ingrid a foreign name?
It is foreign. It's Swedish.
Wait a minute, you mean, like Swedish from Switzerland?
Like from Sweden, where my mom's family lives.
You have family in Switzerland?
- Sweden. - Yeah.
Yeah, we go there every summer. My aunt Uma has a house on the beach.
Uma, Uma, Uma... Oh, Cory, this is too good.
Come on, Shawn, what do you mean?
Ingrid, confirm or deny, in Sweden, at the beach... women... naked?
- Yeah, sure, it's no big deal. - Wrong, it's a very big deal.
Yeah, for the Swedish guys, but what does it get us?
Cory, by this time tomorrow, I can make Ingrid cool
at John Adams High. And you cool by association.
But in order to do that, you must be willing to boldly go
where no seventh graders have ever gone before.
- Are you with me? - Yes, please.
No, no. His plans never work.
- It's gonna blow up in our faces. - I wanna be popular!
OK, we'll go with the Swede.
So, Cory's going out with Ingrid, right? Did you know that she's Swedish?
Sweden, huh? Is it true what they say?
- Ja, they sunbathe in the nude. - Amazing.
- What about the schools? - Nude.
- The malls. - Nude.
At the Gap, all they sell are hats.
Ooh, here she comes.
Ooh, here she comes!
(whistling and jeers)
Wow, look at Ingrid. She's so...
- Cool? - Yeah, but what's with the clothes?
Well, it's really not for me to say, but underneath the clothes... nude.
- They're buying. - Oh, yeah.
The girl in the white turtleneck, is that Ingrid Iverson?
- That's her. - What on earth has she done to herself?
Oh, she didn't do it, we did. Cory and me.
Cory and I, Mr. Hunter.
Oh, yeah, sure, now everybody wants to take credit.
So, ladies, tomorrow night at my place, a little pre-dance smorgasbord?
- Just say ja. - OK.
Cory, can I talk to you for a minute?
Oh-oh.
- Cory, I can't go to the dance with you. - Wha...?
You know how you guys wanted me to be cool?
- Yeah? - It's working better than I ever dreamed.
This morning, Rick Lawler talked to me. He's never talked to me before.
So I asked him to the dance and he said yes.
- Aren't you happy for me? - Not especially.
I mean, you asked me first. You and I are going.
A week ago, Rick Lawler didn't even know I was alive.
And now we're going out.
You wouldn't want me to pass that up, would you?
Yes, pass!
Cory, I could have never done this without you.
Thanks for everything.
On the cheek.
Sorry, man, I just heard.
It just happened!
Yeah, well, I'm tapped into the girls network.
Shawn, I gotta face facts. I'm average.
And average guys don't get asked to dances. It just doesn't happen.
Cory, would you take me to the dance?
Do you see her too?
Yeah, man, I do.
I heard what just happened with Ingrid and I'm really sorry.
But I'm also really happy, because I do need someone to take me to the dance.
Wait, wait, wait... You're asking me?
Yes, would you?
I don't want to appear to be anxious, but... yes, yes, yes!
- You gonna go pick up your date now? - Oh, no, no, no...
Tonight is Turnaround. Tonight I sit down, relax,
make myself pretty. While the girl comes to the door, asks if I'm ready,
and suffers through the nightmare interrogation by the parents.
(horn honking)
I feel so cheap.
But you know, I kind of like it. Hey, Cor, come on, your ride's leaving!
- (Amy) Have a good time. - So, what do you guys got planned?
Morgan's sleeping over at a friend's, and you guys are going to a dance...
We thought we'd finish trimming the tree,
wrap a few presents and go to bed early.
- Careful, you don't want to overdo it. - Yeah, you know, at our age...
Go on, go on, have a good time.
Get out. Come on. Goodbye.
- OK, bye. - Love ya.
- They're gone. - Lock the door.
They're gone, they're gone, they're gone... Gone, gone, gone...
- So, you ready to turn in? - Uh-huh. Maybe a little wine first.
A little nibbly, a little you.
Easy, easy... you don't want to overexert yourself.
No, not at our age.
Loosen up those muscles. Come on, sit back.
- There you go... - Ahh...
Merry Christmas, baby.
Well, here we are. Is there a special VIP area for us popular couples?
Oh, well, thanks for bringing me.
Wait, wait... where you going?
Over there with Danny. You know I'm going out with Danny, right?
- But you asked me. - I asked you to take me.
See, my parents won't let me go out with ninth graders,
so I always get somebody else to take me to the dances
and then I meet up with Danny. Everybody knows that.
- Didn't you know that? - No!
When you asked me to take you to the dance,
I figured you wanted me to take you to the dance. Stupid, stupid me!
- Well, thanks. - No!
Keep your pity cheek-kiss.
Cory, just heard about you and Allison.
How do you do that?
- So you were dumped. - Twice, Shawn. Same dance.
It's gotta be a record.
Hey, you'll be in the yearbook.
Don't sweat it, man. I'll go grab you a glass of punch and a big pile of cookies.
Good sugar rush and you'll be fine.
This is a school function, not the back seat of your car.
I expect while you're at this dance,
that you behave with a reasonable amount of restraint.
- We were just talking, George. - You're supposed to be chaperoning.
What if I just showed up, found a pretty woman, chatted her up,
ignored the students and had a wonderful time?
Why don't you?
I guess I could.
There's Miss Sneider, over by the punch.
Yes... Good choice.
Well, carry on.
So basically, you strung me along all week,
not because you were considering anybody else,
but because you get some sort of twisted pleasure out of watching me squirm?
Yep.
You weren't worried about somebody else just snapping me up?
Oh, I put the word out in the girls' network - hands off.
So you picked me before you picked me?
That's how it works.
You know, it's a pretty big room.
I think we could do a better job chaperoning, if we were moving around...
...close together. You looking one way, me looking the other...
- Do you wanna dance? - I thought you'd never ask.
Ingrid?
Cory, is that you?
Yeah, what happened to you? You're soaked.
A bunch of us popular couples were standing around the pool talking
and everyone kept saying how cool it'd be to jump in.
- So all you jumped in? - No, just me.
You see, the cool thing is talking about jumping in, not actually doing it.
I didn't know that. Now I'm all wet, my contacts fell out and my cool boyfriend
discovered a bunch of dry people he'd rather be with.
Here you go.
- Hi. - Hi.
So, where's Allison?
With Danny Taylor... her boyfriend.
- The one that everybody knows about. - Oh, yeah.
- Sorry about that. - Well, sorry about that.
Yeah, well, I guess that's what I get for trying to be one of the cool kids.
- Which clearly I'm not. - I'm with you there.
Listen, Ingrid, I wanted to say I'm sorry for what Shawn and I did to you.
You know, changing you around and everything.
That's OK. It was really fun for awhile...
...until I hit the water.
No, see, we didn't do it for you, we did it for me.
So I could have a date that everyone else thought was cool.
Yeah, I knew that. That's why I didn't feel bad about dumping you.
Until now.
- Sorry. - Sorry.
You know what's funny? We might have actually had a good time tonight,
if we'd just come here together as ourselves.
Yeah, you may be right.
- I guess we'll never know. - Guess not.
Unless... Well, I mean, there's always next year.
- Hey, there's still this year. - Yeah...
It doesn't matter if other people think we're cool.
We know who we are.
Are you Ingrid, the girl that jumped in the pool?
Yeah, that would be me.
- I think you're so cool -wanna dance? - Yeah, sure.
Wait, wait, wait... What about knowing who we are?
Give me a break.
Hey, just heard about you and Ingrid.
- The women's network, right? - No, actually I was standing right here.
So where's Becky?
In the girls' room for six hours, like always.
- Hey, girls. - Eric, not now, OK?
- Anytime but now. - Why, 'cause you got dumped twice?
- Three times. - Wow!
- I don't see you with your date. - Yeah, where's Jacqueline?
Funny thing, her old boyfriend came into town.
Turns out things aren't over between them. She hopes I'll understand.
- Do you? - Oh, yeah.
Completely, you know, relaxed about the whole situation.
Hi, want a picture to remember the dance?
Drop dead!
Yeah, you're real relaxed, Eric.
No! Wait, wait, wait...! Come back!
Take a picture. A picture of the three coolest guys at the dance.
- Yeah, all sittin' at the losers' table. - Listen, if we smile now,
in 20 years if anyone asks, our dates were all in the bathroom.
- Hey, mine really is. - Ha-ha... shut up!
- All right, everybody say cheese. - You've gotta say "dumped."
- Dumped. - Dumped.
Cheese.
Eric, look at this.
Uh-oh. Why don't you go on upstairs.
- What? - Nothing here you need to see.
Why don't you just get on upstairs, OK? Great.
Ah, you guys are gonna have such a nice evening.
Maybe it's not too late.
- You all warm and snuggly? - Yeah, don't stop.
Your turn to do me. I've been doing you for uh...
...six hours?!
Ten more minutes.