1 00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:44,210 My God, who did this thing?! 2 00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:46,100 Mathilde, speak to me! 3 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:51,770 ♪ In the darkness, scarce I saw him 4 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:56,570 ♪ Man or beast, I could not tell 5 00:00:56,620 --> 00:01:01,570 ♪ Soft his shadow fell before him 6 00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:06,330 ♪ Apparition born in Hell 7 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:10,410 ♪ Ghostly, ghastly, through the gloom 8 00:01:10,460 --> 00:01:15,890 ♪ He struck me down upon the stair 9 00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:20,570 ♪ Then a black abyss consumed me 10 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:25,490 ♪ When I woke he was not there 11 00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:29,730 ♪ He had vanished in the air... ♪ 12 00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:31,730 But how could he have escaped 13 00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,330 through a locked door and a barred window?! 14 00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:37,410 It's impossible! 15 00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:41,770 ♪ What evil creature of the night 16 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:46,810 ♪ Was here and then took flight? 17 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:51,570 ♪ What phantom in this chamber Yet may hide? 18 00:01:51,620 --> 00:01:55,610 ♪ What demon in his dark domain May yet remain? 19 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:02,820 ♪ What secrets in The Yellow Room reside? ♪ 20 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:10,170 So, how did that work for you, then, tactically? 21 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,530 You might know the man would try and bite you in the neck. 22 00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:15,650 I might know he'd try and bite me in the neck? No! 23 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:19,490 Do we have to assume everyone in the theatre's a vampire now, do we? 24 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,050 Hi, Polly and Jonathan Creek, MMP Marketing. 25 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,810 we're here to see Zelda Niedlespascher. 26 00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,970 60 quid a throw, you expect a little decorum. 27 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:28,610 I'd hate to see where they try and bite you in the cheap seats... 28 00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,980 Can't you ever turn a blind eye to these things? 29 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,570 It may not be our biggest account, but very high profile, 30 00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:37,530 and it'll be great to get their creative input 31 00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,610 on the rebranding strategy for next year. 32 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:44,170 Yeah, well, The Mystery of the Yellow Room? I'm sorry, Gaston Leroux? 33 00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:46,250 Only happens to be one of THE benchmark novels 34 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,090 of impossible crime fiction. 35 00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:52,050 Whereas THAT was just two and a half hours of complete and utter tos... 36 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:54,770 Ow! Polly and Jonathan, hello! Hello! 37 00:02:54,820 --> 00:02:56,530 Oh, mon Dieu, quel dommage! 38 00:02:56,580 --> 00:03:00,860 Mais, qu'est-ce qui s'est passe? On va au theatre, c'est comme la Bataille de la Somme. 39 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,730 I know, I know, you don't have to say it. 40 00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:06,850 My whole interpretation in the gondola scene, 41 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:10,290 it lacked phrasing, it lacked modulation, it lacked intensity. 42 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,330 It also lacked the gondola. Did you notice? 43 00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,210 Three nights now, Zelda, we have to walk on water because the man in 44 00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:18,250 the wings with his toy boats can't pull a screwdriver out of his arse! 45 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,450 What's going on? Yes, yes, we fix in the morning, OK? 46 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,220 10.30, all the technicals. 47 00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:27,250 And I cast these people! 48 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,930 A leading lady with no confidence, a leading man with no patience. 49 00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:33,170 You want some true insights for your campaign? 50 00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:36,010 you should come back tomorrow and witness the chaos. 51 00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:38,850 Yes, well, tomorrow, sadly, we're out of town, aren't we? 52 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:42,250 Sunday lunch at Sharon's with their little eight-year-old? 53 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,690 Promised to go and say hello to the new pony. 54 00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,090 Or had you forgotten? 55 00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:49,250 No, no, no. I hadn't forgotten. 56 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,730 Hey, Angus. 57 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:54,530 You all right? Oh, I've got some post for you. 58 00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:56,780 Thank you. Night-night, sweetie. 59 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:33,730 Was it a late one? 60 00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,020 Sorry. 61 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:38,330 How was your day? 62 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,020 You all right? 63 00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:58,570 Stop it. Stop it! 64 00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:00,570 Stop it, get off me! Get off! 65 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,490 What, what? For God's sake, what's wrong? 66 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:05,890 What's wrong is that I'm not here any more, am I? 67 00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:09,130 It's just you and her! You're wrong. 68 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:13,850 It's a sickness, Angus, what's going on with that woman in your head. 69 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,290 And I swear to God, you are going to have to deal with it, 70 00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:18,140 because I'm sorry, I can't! 71 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,890 No, well, listen, it works for Roger. 72 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:32,370 I mean, an hour on the train each day, but what's that? 73 00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:35,330 When you were born and brought up in the country, it's just... 74 00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:38,450 Cos obviously we've only just started looking around, but, 75 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:42,770 no, definitely feeling the time's right now to make the move. 76 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:45,850 Anyway, listen. It's meant the world to her today, you coming over. 77 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,970 Especially after that big upset this week, 78 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:51,290 which, I have to say, she's taken amazingly well. 79 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:53,170 Upset? 80 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:58,330 Yeah. Last Tuesday was awful. Her imaginary friend died. 81 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,890 They were out together playing in the garden, 82 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:05,210 and this dragon came down and just completely burnt her alive, 83 00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:08,210 there on the spot, with its fiery breath. 84 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,570 I mean, horrible, right? 85 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:15,260 All that oozing skin, and eyes melting in their sockets? 86 00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:18,330 But listen - did I tell you? 87 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:21,290 Ridley's going to be joining us for dinner tonight? Oh! 88 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,530 Managed to sneak the weekend off from uni. 89 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,250 You know he's been doing this module in advanced criminology? 90 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,770 I tell you, it's like this genius talent he's got for working things out 91 00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:32,290 from the tiniest details and scraps of evidence. 92 00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:35,730 Of course, that's his big dream, is a career in forensic detection, 93 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:38,930 so, obviously, you know, he's desperate to talk to your husband, 94 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:41,570 about how to... Yeah. Jonathan's not a detective. 95 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,330 No, no. But all those weird cases he's solved. 96 00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:47,330 Yeah, are the very thing we're trying to put behind us, Sharon. 97 00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:51,130 You know, it would be nice to live in the real world now if we can. 98 00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:55,210 Ripley? What is it? What's happened! 99 00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:59,020 He chopped the head off my pony! 100 00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:03,010 Chopped the head off her pony? 101 00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:05,850 What? What? 102 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:09,130 I was showing her some pictures I took of the two of them 103 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,130 and I said, "I'm sorry about that one. 104 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:14,170 "Looks like I've cut his head off." How could you say such a thing! 105 00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:16,490 Don't you even THINK before you speak? 106 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,130 She has a very vivid imagination. 107 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:21,010 So what does she think I am now, some kind of hit man for the Mafia? 108 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,050 She's only got to go in the stable, hasn't she? 109 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,210 See it's still standing there. Why would she go in the stable now, 110 00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:29,170 which she presumably thinks is swimming in horse's blood? 111 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:33,130 Ripley, it's OK, he's fine, he's fine, I promise! 112 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:35,690 Ripley and Ridley. 113 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:38,620 No prizes for guessing what her favourite film is. 114 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:54,490 ♪ Drifting together in a daydream 115 00:07:54,540 --> 00:08:00,570 ♪ Floating for ever on a moonbeam 116 00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:03,690 ♪ Beneath a dark enchanted night 117 00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:06,850 ♪ Where silver stars Bestow their light 118 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,770 ♪ Upon the waters from above 119 00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,850 ♪ Where on an evening such as this 120 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,530 ♪ An angel watching our first kiss 121 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:20,170 ♪ Came down and taught us how to love... ♪ 122 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,210 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 123 00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,810 Oh, my God! For God's sake, Zelda! 124 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:31,300 It's all right, sweetheart, it's OK. 125 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,050 What did I say? 126 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,730 I said we'd not seen the last of that sweet and sour squid. 127 00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:40,170 Just a touch of mal de mer, you'll be fine. 128 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:43,770 It's not that, Darryl, it's me, 129 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,370 I'm rubbish. 130 00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:47,370 The things you read now. 131 00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:51,250 Apparently, I'm just this third-rate maladroit soubrette. 132 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,050 Blonde, bland, and blind to her own inadequacies. 133 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,890 Critics! It's the public you should listen to. 134 00:08:56,940 --> 00:09:00,850 Oh, that was the public. That was in the ladies' toilet upstairs. 135 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,890 Written on the cistern, in lipstick. 136 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:09,170 Today's fan club, tomorrow's lynch mob. What are they like? 137 00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:11,850 Here. Thank you. 138 00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:16,010 I tell you, there's some really frightening people out there. 139 00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:19,380 OK, first positions then, everyone, let's start again! 140 00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,540 Bye, Juno. Bye. 141 00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,370 You - Juno Pirelli? 142 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,210 I've got a present for you. 143 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:49,650 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! No, no, no, no! 144 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,010 No, no, no! 145 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:55,010 No! Oh, no! Oh, no! 146 00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:56,970 What have you done?! 147 00:10:57,020 --> 00:11:00,610 Oh, shit, oh, shit! Jesus, what have you done?! 148 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,540 Get away from her! Get away! Open that door! 149 00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:07,610 It's OK. 150 00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:16,610 Mmm, smells great. Lovely. 151 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:19,250 Oh, now, please, sugar, don't do that. 152 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:22,770 That's only on trees, remember? Come away from there. 153 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:27,970 Epitaph, for her imaginary friend? No, just likes carving her name. 154 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,530 Which is all very well, but... 155 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:33,090 Come on, Ripley, think it's way past your bedtime, so, off you go. 156 00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:36,730 Ah! Here he is, the man of the moment! 157 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,570 How were the trains? You have a good journey? Yeah, fine. 158 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:42,450 Ridley, this is Jonathan. 159 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,890 Hi, Jonathan, a real pleasure. Me, too. Polly, hi. 160 00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:47,570 Hello! 161 00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:50,410 So, I see you're just back from Reykjavik, both of you? 162 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,890 Hope you had an enjoyable flight. I beg your pardon? 163 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:58,290 Reykjavik? You never said! You see? This is what he does. 164 00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:00,690 How, I have absolutely no idea. 165 00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:03,530 Oh, come on, you make me sound like some kind of sorcerer! 166 00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:05,050 When, as Jonathan knows, 167 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,970 there's no trick to the art of simple observation. 168 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,410 The abrasions round the side of your neck, quite recent, 169 00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:12,410 quite deep, and quite nasty. 170 00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:13,770 Something feral at work. 171 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,490 If not feral, then certainly not happy. A pet, perhaps? 172 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,890 Provoked or antagonised? Or traumatised? 173 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,610 In your bag, a diary entry, largely obscured, for yesterday. 174 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,970 A visit somewhere, to a cemetery? A monastery? A presbytery? 175 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:28,090 The name, Zelda, a touch too exotic. More plausibly feline. 176 00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:30,450 A cattery, then, but boarding or collecting? 177 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,290 Allow room for Zelda. where. In a car full of bags? 178 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,890 Returning from the airport, surely? 179 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:37,650 Why drop a cat off more than 24 hours before departure. 180 00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:40,610 And a week or two in a kennel would explain the feisty behaviour. 181 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,330 The watch on your wrist, still set for a previous time zone, 182 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:46,730 is one hour behind, which leaves us only Iceland or north-west Africa. 183 00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:50,530 Yet no discernible suntans and that faint reddening of the left eyelid. 184 00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:55,210 What else but a biting Arctic wind? So, you see. 185 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:59,620 Really very simple. Anyway, if you'll excuse me a sec while I just, erm... 186 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:07,170 Should I tell him it needs a new battery? 187 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:11,490 Oh, God! Oh, my God, no! 188 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:15,130 Sharon? What is it? You OK? What's happened? 189 00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:17,940 It's my dad. He's dead. 190 00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:20,810 What do you mean, he's dead? 191 00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:24,170 It just says, "I'm sorry to let you know, 192 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:28,410 "he just peacefully slipped away, about half an hour ago." 193 00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:34,490 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Oh, Sharon, I'm so sorry. 194 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:37,450 Oh, no! 195 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:40,890 You know what? This isn't my phone! 196 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:44,970 It must be your phone! Oh, thank you, God! 197 00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:47,050 Thank you so much! 198 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,930 Cos I just naturally picked it up off there and... 199 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:53,420 What a relief! I mean, that really scared me to... 200 00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:58,370 ..death. 201 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:02,420 Oh, yeah, so that's, erm... 202 00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:05,300 You'll... 203 00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,460 ..probably want to... 204 00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:19,690 It's OK, you're going to be OK. 205 00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:23,930 Doesn't look like it's deep at all, as far as I can tell. 206 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,380 It's just a flesh wound. 207 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,890 Thank God. 208 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:30,500 The thick coat, I think, took the worst of it. 209 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:49,380 Why, Angus? Why? 210 00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:52,780 Y-You have to try and understand... 211 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,250 She's in this really bad place at the moment. 212 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:01,450 16 months. It's not getting any better. 213 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,460 16 months since...? 214 00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:08,650 He was barely four weeks old. 215 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,170 Emotionally, she's like... 216 00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:14,690 Everything's a conspiracy, everything's a threat. 217 00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:19,410 I try and tell her it's all in her mind, this morbid insecurity. 218 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,970 I didn't mean to hurt you! 219 00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:24,410 Oh, God, what have I done?! 220 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:30,930 More time. She just needs more time. 221 00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:39,370 No, no, you've done a wonderful job, Mr Partridge, thank you. 222 00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:43,010 It's just... I think any more red in the cheeks and we'll be getting 223 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:44,890 a bit Prince Harry. Yes. 224 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:49,970 He just looks a bit... sad, I suppose. 225 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:53,610 I suppose you would be. We can cheer him up if you'd prefer. 226 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:57,620 Could you? Yes. Just perhaps, erm... 227 00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:00,700 Oh, God. 228 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,970 Things hadn't been good for some time, but... 229 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:07,770 Just seemed to go downhill so fast. 230 00:16:07,820 --> 00:16:10,050 It seems like only yesterday he was here 231 00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,530 making arrangements for your dear mother. 232 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:13,810 11 years. 233 00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:16,450 Is it really? 234 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:20,530 And so, great big empty house there, now. 235 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,770 What will you do, will you put it on the market, do you think? 236 00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:25,780 Oh, who knows? 237 00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:31,530 Why is everything so hard? 238 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:33,420 Rigor mortis, I think you'll find. 239 00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:18,020 How can a house die? 240 00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:23,860 It doesn't have to. It's whatever we put into it. 241 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,740 I'm sure they'd both have wanted that. 242 00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:34,290 And for the life of me, I'm still not getting this. 243 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,690 You won't go to the hospital, or the police? 244 00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,370 Bloody woman needs locking up! 245 00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:41,490 She needs help! Darryl, if you'd been there... 246 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:45,730 And all I could think was, what would it do to me, you know? 247 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:48,770 It's like, where is the justice in her life? 248 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:52,210 Come on, I turn up at A&E now, with a stab wound? 249 00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:54,290 It's going to be a bit tricky to explain. 250 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,450 God forbid we ever let a jury near this - 251 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,690 they're the people that write on toilet cisterns. 252 00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:01,210 Well, you need to get that looked at, young lady, 253 00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:03,570 and by someone who's handy with a needle. 254 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,330 I might know someone. Meantime... 255 00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:07,940 Meantime... 256 00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,690 ..you think you might have something? 257 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:15,970 For you, my sweet, always. 258 00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:18,570 I'm a magician, you know that. 259 00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:21,930 When was it, you said, last year in that Joe Orton, 260 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:24,610 a certain well-known young actress with a Caesarean scar? 261 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:28,810 You had to come up with this special prosthetic. See? 262 00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:34,130 You star turn! We'll make this work, won't we? 263 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,300 Cos I promised him, you know? For her. 264 00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:48,890 Two minutes for the pasta. 265 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:53,730 I managed to cobble a sauce together, of sorts. What's that? 266 00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:57,450 No, just having a nose around. Found it in one of those books. 267 00:18:57,500 --> 00:19:00,420 Oh, yeah, from the local paper. 268 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:05,500 Used to keep this next to him, just there on his desk. 269 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:09,890 Shame about the blasted coffee ring. 270 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,130 Got the look of a halo... 271 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:15,460 Yeah, well. To him, she was always a saint. 272 00:19:24,060 --> 00:19:28,330 Oh, God, yes. Ironic after yesterday. 273 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,290 Me with my imaginary friend. 274 00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:33,330 Polly and Orez. "Oreth"? 275 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,420 Name my mum came up with because she was half Spanish. 276 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:43,490 Tickled me at the time, all those funny little Latin references 277 00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:45,180 when I was growing up. 278 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:52,770 Oh, God, it was never going to be easy, was it? 279 00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:54,900 Come on, shall we... Shall we go and eat? 280 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,810 ♪ Some mysteries our hearts Cannot conceive 281 00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:08,730 ♪ And when the story-teller's Tale is spun, and we are one 282 00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:16,340 ♪ What secrets will The Yellow Room reveal? ♪ 283 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,970 I'm in front of 1,500 people back there, for God's sake. 284 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,250 This bloody thing keeps coming back on. 285 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,290 Night. Night, darling. 286 00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:30,820 Look, it's ridiculous! 287 00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:09,730 Darling, can I leave these with you to sign? OK. 288 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:13,810 Some children from my old ballet school. Just a sec, Zelda. 289 00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,970 They thought you were sensational tonight! When you have the time. 290 00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:21,250 Yes! Surely. Bye, my darling. Night, Zelda. 291 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,980 Oh, Chloe! Tu etais parfaite ce soir... 292 00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:06,740 Juno? Are you all right in there? 293 00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:14,620 Mon Dieu! Oh, my precious one! 294 00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:19,450 What in the name of God? 295 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:23,450 Someone get an ambulance and ring for the police! 296 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,490 What happened? She's been stabbed! 297 00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:30,690 But how? No-one came in or out of the room, I would have seen! 298 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,250 We all would have seen! There was nobody here! 299 00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:34,860 The whole thing is impossible! 300 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,930 Why am I remembering that Conrad Veidt silent classic, 301 00:22:39,980 --> 00:22:41,970 The Man Who Laughs? 302 00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:45,780 You think they might have gone too far now, in the other direction? 303 00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:12,170 Yes, I know, I know. Oh, Jonathan. This is Hazel. 304 00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:15,410 Auntie Hazel. Hello. My mum's closest friend. 305 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:19,210 Just always been around, haven't you? 306 00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:22,660 For my dad, especially these last few weeks. 307 00:23:24,740 --> 00:23:26,010 I'm so grateful. 308 00:23:26,060 --> 00:23:30,610 And listen, Polly. One word, if I may, at this difficult time? 309 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,260 Hope. 310 00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:39,090 You know, it's only a week since I lost my mother who was 86, but... 311 00:23:39,140 --> 00:23:40,810 Doesn't make it any easier. 312 00:23:40,860 --> 00:23:44,290 And all I'm saying, and I want you to think about this, 313 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,850 the end can actually be a beginning 314 00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:50,460 if you open your eyes and your mind, to other possibilities. 315 00:23:51,660 --> 00:23:56,050 What are these? Well. You tell me, Polly, what you see in them. 316 00:23:56,100 --> 00:24:01,010 Angels, ghosts. The spirits of departed souls who just happen 317 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:03,210 to have been caught on camera. 318 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:05,410 This one just takes your breath away. 319 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:08,290 You see there, in the fountain? 320 00:24:08,340 --> 00:24:10,530 This was my granddaughter, Gracie, who I swear, 321 00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:13,410 had no idea the angel was behind her. 322 00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:16,970 Although she does say that she felt like a cold shiver 323 00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:19,810 on the back of her neck as she was sitting there. Go on? 324 00:24:19,860 --> 00:24:23,970 Then there was my Auntie Norma here saying a prayer in the sky. 325 00:24:24,020 --> 00:24:25,970 OK, yes, with her hands pressed together. 326 00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:28,610 That was taken ten years to the day after she died. 327 00:24:30,780 --> 00:24:32,050 Jonathan Creek. 328 00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:35,010 Now, obviously I know, there's a lot of people just think this is 329 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:36,970 all completely cranky, but... 330 00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:42,450 My God! No, that's erm... Yeah. 331 00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:44,330 Distinctly odd. 332 00:24:44,380 --> 00:24:46,850 Hang onto those, I've got copies. 333 00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:51,890 And I'm just writing you a link now to a website, 334 00:24:51,940 --> 00:24:55,890 that just gave me so much comfort. Thank you. 335 00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:59,250 Well, weird or what? That was Zelda. 336 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:00,890 Yellow Room producer? 337 00:25:00,940 --> 00:25:05,330 Juno Pirelli, the star of the show, is in hospital in a coma. 338 00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:07,410 They found her last night in her dressing room 339 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:10,250 after the performance, stabbed in the stomach. 340 00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:11,770 And from what she's just told me... 341 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:13,650 Please don't say it. 342 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:15,850 Not a bloody impossible crime. 343 00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:20,060 Ooh, now, then. Do I hear the words "work experience"? 344 00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:25,090 They are thinking perhaps some kind of crazed fan 345 00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:28,290 with an obsession about the story in the show. 346 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:30,410 But in the show, of course, we explain... 347 00:25:30,460 --> 00:25:33,370 The injuries had all occurred before the character went in the room. 348 00:25:33,420 --> 00:25:37,530 Yes, but here only ten minutes before, not a mark on her body. 349 00:25:37,580 --> 00:25:38,940 I saw with my own eyes! 350 00:26:07,620 --> 00:26:09,700 Morning! How are you today, Polly? 351 00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:14,490 Wasn't sure if I'd still find you here. No, well... 352 00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:16,940 We were overdue some downtime from the office, so... 353 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,810 Question is, I suppose, 354 00:26:22,860 --> 00:26:25,300 whether I can bear to imagine anyone else living here. 355 00:26:26,580 --> 00:26:30,290 Or whether it's fate, in a way, that's brought us back... 356 00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:33,140 You all right today, Hazel? You look as though you've seen a ghost. 357 00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:44,450 OK, OK. 358 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:48,930 Early intimations only, but... A crime of passion, we can fairly assume. 359 00:26:48,980 --> 00:26:53,850 A lover, very much her senior, age 50-51, possibly 52. 360 00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:57,930 A tall man. Somewhat simian in appearance. In excess of 6'. 361 00:26:57,980 --> 00:27:00,810 Disproportionately long arms and big hands. 362 00:27:00,860 --> 00:27:04,770 And, dare I venture, no mean athlete in the bedroom department. 363 00:27:04,820 --> 00:27:07,930 We know from the angle of penetration the blade was inserted from below. 364 00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:10,490 The victim's in a state of undress, yet comfortable with her 365 00:27:10,540 --> 00:27:12,850 assailant's proximity. They were clearly embracing. 366 00:27:12,900 --> 00:27:15,490 The force of the blow implies recoil. Witness three grey hairs 367 00:27:15,540 --> 00:27:17,930 on the door where the back of his head made contact. 368 00:27:17,980 --> 00:27:20,330 The position gives us his height. The colour, his age. 369 00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:23,410 Very early 50s. Any older would make the liaison improbable. 370 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:25,650 A dead wasp in the saucer - has to be recent. 371 00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:27,410 But swatted against the wall too high up, 372 00:27:27,460 --> 00:27:30,340 too far across, for all but our elongated giant to reach. 373 00:27:31,420 --> 00:27:33,890 The thickness of the magazine he rolled up bears testament 374 00:27:33,940 --> 00:27:35,250 to the girth of his grip. 375 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:36,620 His sexual prowess? 376 00:27:37,940 --> 00:27:40,450 Such an ungainly man surely had some allure. 377 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:41,940 As for his means of exit... 378 00:27:53,620 --> 00:27:55,130 Of course. 379 00:27:55,180 --> 00:27:59,140 She could have climbed on a chair and used both hands? 380 00:28:01,060 --> 00:28:05,380 And I've seen a grey angora sweater hanging on that hook in there. 381 00:28:06,940 --> 00:28:08,940 But then, what do we know? 382 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:15,050 Have to make a start tomorrow, I suppose, on the dreaded clothes. 383 00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:18,050 If anything's guaranteed to finish me off... 384 00:28:18,100 --> 00:28:21,450 All these people who talk about catharsis and closure. 385 00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:26,610 I know. As if grief can be just stuffed into a black bin liner 386 00:28:26,660 --> 00:28:28,100 and sent to Oxfam. 387 00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:31,660 You've had a long day. 388 00:28:32,660 --> 00:28:33,780 Come on. 389 00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:41,380 So how did all that go this morning, at the theatre? 390 00:28:42,380 --> 00:28:45,050 Are you any the wiser about what happened? 391 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:46,220 Oh, I dunno. 392 00:28:47,460 --> 00:28:50,940 What's that about the torch being passed to the new generation? 393 00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:54,500 Think I may just be getting very old. 394 00:28:56,380 --> 00:28:58,250 Yeah, well, I wasn't going to tell you this, 395 00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:02,620 but while you were there I had another visit from our friend Hazel. 396 00:29:04,060 --> 00:29:06,540 And if you thought those photographs took the biscuit... 397 00:29:07,660 --> 00:29:11,620 It's like she had this weird story she absolutely swears is true. 398 00:29:14,820 --> 00:29:17,650 'You remember last week she told us her mother died? 399 00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:20,460 '86, apparently, but still had her own house. 400 00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:26,330 'And after she left here yesterday, she went up to the crematorium 401 00:29:26,380 --> 00:29:30,060 'to collect the ashes. Took them back there to scatter in the garden. 402 00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:33,090 'Suddenly, her phone rings...' 403 00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:39,650 '..and they go everywhere.' Oh, no! 404 00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:41,970 Hello? 'The phone call's from her next door neighbour 405 00:29:42,020 --> 00:29:44,690 'to say that the cat has got out of the house onto a busy main road, 406 00:29:44,740 --> 00:29:47,650 'so in a mad panic, she has to dash straight out again. 407 00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:50,610 'Couple of hours later she comes back 408 00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:52,100 'ready to clear it all up. 409 00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:56,010 'Except now they've gone. 410 00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:58,370 'They've completely vanished from the room, 411 00:29:58,420 --> 00:30:01,650 'and she's absolutely adamant there was nobody else in the house, 412 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:04,050 'it was all locked up, she was the only one with a key. 413 00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:06,530 'There were no windows open, no draughts or breezes, 414 00:30:06,580 --> 00:30:08,530 'or anything that could have got to them. 415 00:30:08,580 --> 00:30:11,130 'It was like, in her words, it was just as if...' 416 00:30:11,180 --> 00:30:13,260 God must have taken her... 417 00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,300 ..to heaven. 418 00:30:18,300 --> 00:30:20,540 So, is that it then, do you think? 419 00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:24,540 It's a terrible thing when your mind starts to go. 420 00:30:25,900 --> 00:30:28,780 And to think what a loyal friend she was to my mum. 421 00:30:31,220 --> 00:30:34,210 And such a tower of strength, at the end, when she... 422 00:30:42,740 --> 00:30:46,850 ♪ Apparition born in hell 423 00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:49,130 ♪ Ghostly, ghastly 424 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:51,420 ♪ Through the gloom... ♪ 425 00:30:52,540 --> 00:30:55,250 OK, time to dive in, I suppose. 426 00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:58,450 Is it me or is there something different here? 427 00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:02,660 This was her last performance, same night as the stabbing. 428 00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:06,140 Off someone's phone in the audience. 429 00:31:09,620 --> 00:31:12,740 Dunno. Maybe not quite the same passion? 430 00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:16,170 Bit of an off-night, maybe. 431 00:31:16,220 --> 00:31:18,940 Hmm. I'll come and give you a hand in a bit. 432 00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:21,220 No rush. 433 00:31:59,420 --> 00:32:00,740 How you getting on? OK? 434 00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:04,290 What have you found? 435 00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:07,940 I dunno. Looks like a note from my mum just before she died. 436 00:32:09,340 --> 00:32:10,810 Virtually unreadable. 437 00:32:10,860 --> 00:32:13,330 I remember she could barely hold a pen by that time. 438 00:32:13,380 --> 00:32:14,490 "My Dearest Peter, 439 00:32:14,540 --> 00:32:17,380 "I have just one final heartfelt request..." 440 00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:20,650 I think that is. "Under the... 441 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:24,210 "something, something or other you'll find a box. 442 00:32:24,260 --> 00:32:27,980 "Please, please destroy without opening. Cathy." 443 00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:32,450 "Under the thin backroom." 444 00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:33,780 Bedroom, is it? 445 00:32:34,940 --> 00:32:37,300 Bedroom! Bedroom... 446 00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:40,530 Flowerbed? Floorboard, maybe? 447 00:32:40,580 --> 00:32:42,450 Er... 448 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,810 "Under the third bedroom floorboard, 449 00:32:44,860 --> 00:32:47,130 "you'll find a box." 450 00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:57,210 Hello? 451 00:32:57,260 --> 00:32:59,100 Oh, hi, Hazel, how are you? 452 00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:02,850 This afternoon? 453 00:33:02,900 --> 00:33:06,130 Erm... Well, I suppose I could. 454 00:33:06,180 --> 00:33:07,300 What time? 455 00:33:09,940 --> 00:33:11,740 Third bedroom floorboard. 456 00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:15,460 Third floorboard, but from which end? 457 00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:18,100 Or try both... 458 00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:47,820 Ahh! 459 00:33:48,940 --> 00:33:51,170 Oh, my God! Is that you in there? 460 00:33:51,220 --> 00:33:52,290 Yes! 461 00:33:52,340 --> 00:33:54,540 God Almighty, you scared me to death! 462 00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:05,770 Sorry, I was just under the third bedroom floorboard. 463 00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:09,090 This is the third bedroom and this has got to be the floorboard. 464 00:34:09,140 --> 00:34:12,140 It's the only one that's not nailed down. Fairly obviously. 465 00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:16,700 Maybe he did find it, and did exactly as she asked him to... 466 00:34:18,580 --> 00:34:19,940 Hang on a sec. 467 00:34:25,820 --> 00:34:28,130 What did she say? Please destroy without opening? 468 00:34:28,180 --> 00:34:29,420 Yes, bugger that. 469 00:35:03,620 --> 00:35:05,290 I'm so sorry. 470 00:35:05,340 --> 00:35:08,010 Not really what you wanted on top of everything else. 471 00:35:08,060 --> 00:35:10,650 Two years... 472 00:35:10,700 --> 00:35:13,820 looks like this was going on. Thank God he didn't find them. 473 00:35:15,220 --> 00:35:18,090 Sounds as if it got pretty heavy, on both sides. 474 00:35:18,140 --> 00:35:19,890 You imagine? 475 00:35:19,940 --> 00:35:22,450 Behind his back... 476 00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:23,820 for two years. I... 477 00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:26,460 I can't believe it. 478 00:35:28,420 --> 00:35:29,970 And Septimus? 479 00:35:30,020 --> 00:35:33,700 Who the bloody hell is Septimus? Septimus who? Hmm. 480 00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:51,530 These all her books in this room, I take it. 481 00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:52,620 What? 482 00:35:54,340 --> 00:35:56,290 God, you think you know people. 483 00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:59,020 Someone you grew up with your whole life! 484 00:36:00,220 --> 00:36:02,700 And you realise you actually never knew them at all. 485 00:36:09,740 --> 00:36:11,770 Oh. I didn't hear you go out. 486 00:36:11,820 --> 00:36:15,580 Yep, just up the road. Had to get an orange, so... 487 00:36:16,700 --> 00:36:19,890 Right. For any particular reason or just...? 488 00:36:19,940 --> 00:36:24,970 No. Just when I was in that dressing room I saw something. 489 00:36:25,020 --> 00:36:28,140 Corner of my eye... Didn't sit right. 490 00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:31,170 Sometimes if you can get back in the moment 491 00:36:31,220 --> 00:36:34,340 and recreate the association, one thing'll trigger the other. 492 00:36:37,940 --> 00:36:39,970 So where is it you're going again? You did say. 493 00:36:40,020 --> 00:36:42,980 Oh, this Hazel woman. What was that all about again? 494 00:36:45,140 --> 00:36:46,450 Her mother's ashes. 495 00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:49,250 She went to collect them the other day, from the crematorium 496 00:36:49,300 --> 00:36:52,370 and when she got back... That was it. 497 00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:54,330 That was it. 498 00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:57,050 Sawjoy. On the picture. What? 499 00:36:57,100 --> 00:36:59,690 Signature of an artist on a big abstract painting 500 00:36:59,740 --> 00:37:00,860 that was on her wall. 501 00:37:02,060 --> 00:37:03,730 You have to say, that was odd. 502 00:37:03,780 --> 00:37:06,730 Sawjoy? Does sound very made-up. 503 00:37:06,780 --> 00:37:08,890 What's that got to do with anything? 504 00:37:08,940 --> 00:37:12,330 Erm, no, the fact that it sounds made-up is not what was odd. 505 00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:14,460 Sorry, you were saying? About Hazel. 506 00:37:15,740 --> 00:37:17,060 I'll tell you when I get back. 507 00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:23,850 I mean, no, when you think 508 00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:28,450 I knew her probably better than anyone, but Septimus? 509 00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:32,730 No, I never heard her mention that name before, ever. 510 00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:37,250 Septimus who? Well, exactly! And it's all there, in black and white. 511 00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:39,180 Stuff they got up to, you've no idea. 512 00:37:40,340 --> 00:37:42,210 Talk about a shock to the system. 513 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,770 Anyway, look, thanks so much for popping round. 514 00:37:45,820 --> 00:37:48,620 I do appreciate it. Erm, shall we? 515 00:37:51,740 --> 00:37:56,050 So, when you said on the phone about grasping the nettle this afternoon, 516 00:37:56,100 --> 00:37:57,970 what exactly did...? 517 00:37:58,020 --> 00:38:00,330 Sorry, has there been a power cut? 518 00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:05,090 Patience, I think, Polly, is all that's required. 519 00:38:05,140 --> 00:38:06,180 You see... 520 00:38:07,740 --> 00:38:08,980 ..I know she's here. 521 00:38:28,660 --> 00:38:30,410 Jonathan! 522 00:38:30,460 --> 00:38:32,930 Hi, is this a good moment? It's Ridley. 523 00:38:32,980 --> 00:38:34,690 Yeah. Hi, Ridley, How you doing? 524 00:38:34,740 --> 00:38:36,770 Surprisingly well, surprisingly well. 525 00:38:36,820 --> 00:38:39,370 Though hobbled for a while, I must admit, 526 00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:43,570 by the ingenuity of a master strategist in this case, 527 00:38:43,620 --> 00:38:46,890 who relied upon us all accepting the prima facie evidence 528 00:38:46,940 --> 00:38:49,530 of an attack that took place within the woman's dressing room. 529 00:38:49,580 --> 00:38:51,490 Crucially, the upward incision of the blade, 530 00:38:51,540 --> 00:38:54,570 which meant the assailant had to be standing close against the victim. 531 00:38:54,620 --> 00:38:55,770 But did it? 532 00:38:55,820 --> 00:38:58,730 Take the pieces of this puzzle apart. The direction of the wound, 533 00:38:58,780 --> 00:39:02,090 the copious bleeding on the floor, and put them back together again, 534 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:04,460 and a very different picture emerges... 535 00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:09,290 ..of a lithe young singer-dancer, we know looks after her body, 536 00:39:09,340 --> 00:39:13,890 and with her nightly work-out presents the perfect inverted target 537 00:39:13,940 --> 00:39:16,540 for a weapon with a disappearing missile. 538 00:39:24,380 --> 00:39:25,900 Oh! 539 00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,730 Coolly constructed in every sense, who would suspect a crossbow 540 00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:38,730 firing a shard of frozen blood? 541 00:39:38,780 --> 00:39:42,770 Designed to kill and then instantly melt away without trace. 542 00:39:42,820 --> 00:39:45,170 OK? Yeah, er... 543 00:39:45,220 --> 00:39:48,090 I see where you're coming from, Ridley. I certainly missed that one. 544 00:39:48,140 --> 00:39:49,330 Elementary, my dear Holmes. 545 00:39:49,380 --> 00:39:52,250 And, based on some other research, I've got a pretty good idea now 546 00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:54,570 about the identity of the perpetrator, 547 00:39:54,620 --> 00:39:57,540 which, with everyone's indulgence, I was planning on... 548 00:40:05,220 --> 00:40:06,940 Holmes... 549 00:40:08,380 --> 00:40:09,460 Holmes! 550 00:40:30,780 --> 00:40:33,730 You know what, Hazel, I really will need to be getting along in a minute, 551 00:40:33,780 --> 00:40:35,290 because... Wait! 552 00:40:35,340 --> 00:40:37,570 What's that? 553 00:40:37,620 --> 00:40:38,860 A presence! 554 00:40:40,580 --> 00:40:42,010 You feel it, Polly? 555 00:40:42,060 --> 00:40:46,860 Like a kind of faint vibration, almost. In the air. 556 00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:09,250 Oh, God, are you serious? 557 00:42:09,300 --> 00:42:11,570 Actually I was thinking I might drop by there again, 558 00:42:11,620 --> 00:42:14,970 so if you were going to be around then maybe... 559 00:42:15,020 --> 00:42:16,530 Yeah, OK. 560 00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:18,420 Thanks, Zelda, bye. 561 00:42:20,620 --> 00:42:22,970 Oh, hi. You were a while. 562 00:42:23,020 --> 00:42:25,650 Things all seem to be hotting up, 563 00:42:25,700 --> 00:42:27,610 apparently, on the Yellow Room front, so... 564 00:42:27,660 --> 00:42:30,380 Yes, well, we've cleared up one mystery there at any rate. 565 00:42:31,740 --> 00:42:34,810 An urn full of ashes she spills all over her mother's carpet, 566 00:42:34,860 --> 00:42:36,330 went away for a couple of hours 567 00:42:36,380 --> 00:42:38,530 and when she gets back they've just disappeared. 568 00:42:38,580 --> 00:42:41,930 Without any explanation. And do you know what it was? 569 00:42:41,980 --> 00:42:44,090 Robot vacuum cleaner? 570 00:42:44,140 --> 00:42:47,260 Pardon? A robot vacuum cleaner! 571 00:42:48,540 --> 00:42:51,730 Do you not think that's the most absurd unlikely scenario 572 00:42:51,780 --> 00:42:53,300 you could possibly imagine? 573 00:42:54,660 --> 00:42:55,860 So...was it? 574 00:42:58,300 --> 00:42:59,500 Yes. 575 00:43:00,580 --> 00:43:03,210 Programmed for half past three, as it turns out, by the old dear 576 00:43:03,260 --> 00:43:05,610 every afternoon. Makes sense. 577 00:43:05,660 --> 00:43:07,330 OK! 578 00:43:07,380 --> 00:43:11,420 OK, well, maybe you can make sense of this. 579 00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:19,810 On a tombstone in the churchyard directly behind my mother's grave. 580 00:43:19,860 --> 00:43:22,130 I mean, it can't just be a coincidence. 581 00:43:22,180 --> 00:43:25,130 Except that he died at least three years before those love letters 582 00:43:25,180 --> 00:43:27,740 were written. Septimus Noone. 583 00:43:30,220 --> 00:43:32,370 No, I'd say that far from being a coincidence, 584 00:43:32,420 --> 00:43:36,490 it fits in with everything else here absolutely perfectly. 585 00:43:36,540 --> 00:43:39,500 Only, one thing at a time, I'm afraid. 586 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:45,930 I'm going to need you to run me back to the theatre, if you would. 587 00:43:45,980 --> 00:43:49,690 Our young friend Ridley's asked them all to assemble on the stage 588 00:43:49,740 --> 00:43:53,010 at six cos he wants to announce his big solution, 589 00:43:53,060 --> 00:43:56,170 which, as you can imagine, is completely preposterous, 590 00:43:56,220 --> 00:43:59,930 but arguably no more preposterous than the real solution, 591 00:43:59,980 --> 00:44:03,890 which, unfortunately, there's only one way to confirm now. 592 00:44:03,940 --> 00:44:06,860 By going back into that dressing room. So... 593 00:44:08,500 --> 00:44:09,900 ..whenever you're ready. 594 00:44:26,940 --> 00:44:28,420 Jonathan? 595 00:44:32,460 --> 00:44:36,050 (OK, you know what to do. I just need three minutes.) 596 00:44:36,100 --> 00:44:38,330 (I can't! I can't do this sort of thing!) 597 00:44:38,380 --> 00:44:41,130 (How am I supposed to just suddenly pretend to scream in agony?) 598 00:44:41,180 --> 00:44:42,810 (I don't know.) 599 00:44:42,860 --> 00:44:45,770 (Remember when you got halfway through Piers Morgan's memoirs?) 600 00:44:45,820 --> 00:44:47,060 (Just call on some of that.) 601 00:45:00,580 --> 00:45:02,730 Aaaaah! 602 00:45:02,780 --> 00:45:04,180 Oooh! 603 00:45:05,220 --> 00:45:08,090 Oh! Oh, my God, are you OK, madam? 604 00:45:08,140 --> 00:45:11,770 Yeah, I just fell down the stairs. Ooh! Aahh! 605 00:45:11,820 --> 00:45:14,620 Let me take your weight. It's OK. OK. 606 00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:19,820 Steady. Up on the step. Let's have a look. OK. 607 00:45:22,620 --> 00:45:24,890 I can't believe we're all taking this seriously! 608 00:45:24,940 --> 00:45:26,890 And who is this Ridley person anyway? 609 00:45:26,940 --> 00:45:29,730 Well, he seems to be making more progress than the police over here, 610 00:45:29,780 --> 00:45:31,610 but we have to wait and see. 611 00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:34,090 From what they're saying at the hospital, 612 00:45:34,140 --> 00:45:36,220 this could soon be a murder inquiry. 613 00:45:44,380 --> 00:45:46,650 What are you doing here? 614 00:45:46,700 --> 00:45:48,530 Rachel, come on! 615 00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:50,690 Come on. 616 00:45:50,740 --> 00:45:52,050 This is scary. 617 00:45:52,100 --> 00:45:53,260 Did you hear what she said? 618 00:45:54,780 --> 00:45:56,140 A murder inquiry. 619 00:46:00,500 --> 00:46:02,610 I don't think it's broken. Let's just... 620 00:46:02,660 --> 00:46:04,060 Let me just feel. Ooh! 621 00:46:07,380 --> 00:46:10,170 My husband's here, thanks ever so much. 622 00:46:10,220 --> 00:46:13,010 Yeah, that's great. Oh, my pleasure. Just take it easy. 623 00:46:13,060 --> 00:46:14,500 Thank you. Yeah, bye. 624 00:46:22,140 --> 00:46:24,530 And, now, we're looking for...? 625 00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:28,740 Make-up artist named Darryl Kimble, I think, has to be our man. 626 00:46:35,100 --> 00:46:39,010 Hi, sorry, I wonder if you have a minute. My name's Jonathan Creek. 627 00:46:39,060 --> 00:46:41,890 Oh, right, yes. The amateur sleuth who's come to enlighten us all 628 00:46:41,940 --> 00:46:43,610 about the other night! 629 00:46:43,660 --> 00:46:45,090 Goodbye! 630 00:46:45,140 --> 00:46:46,540 Erm... 631 00:46:48,420 --> 00:46:49,930 Yes... 632 00:46:49,980 --> 00:46:51,700 It's Darryl, isn't it? 633 00:46:53,660 --> 00:46:57,010 Fairly obviously there's someone here that you and Juno 634 00:46:57,060 --> 00:46:59,890 were both really desperate to protect. 635 00:46:59,940 --> 00:47:03,500 I just wondered how sure you are still you made the right call. 636 00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:13,500 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? 637 00:47:16,180 --> 00:47:18,410 Let me introduce you, Mr Ridley, 638 00:47:18,460 --> 00:47:21,810 who is here very kindly to help us resolve Juno's attack. 639 00:47:21,860 --> 00:47:23,370 Thank you very much. 640 00:47:23,420 --> 00:47:26,130 OK. I know this is a little irregular. 641 00:47:26,180 --> 00:47:29,050 But Zelda's very kindly said I might present a few thoughts to you 642 00:47:29,100 --> 00:47:33,530 tonight, about how I think that attack really took place... 643 00:47:33,580 --> 00:47:37,090 and, more importantly, who was responsible. 644 00:47:37,140 --> 00:47:41,650 Someone, I would venture to suggest, who is here with us today 645 00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:43,810 in this very building. 646 00:47:43,860 --> 00:47:46,130 In the original story of the Yellow Room, 647 00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:49,210 the whole solution revolves around an injury sustained 648 00:47:49,260 --> 00:47:51,220 before the victim entered the bedchamber. 649 00:47:52,300 --> 00:47:54,330 No way that could have happened here 650 00:47:54,380 --> 00:47:56,970 because Juno Pirelli had been clearly seen by her director 651 00:47:57,020 --> 00:47:59,970 minutes earlier, completely unscathed. 652 00:48:00,020 --> 00:48:03,300 Or was there something already troubling her that night? 653 00:48:04,740 --> 00:48:08,730 Enough to slightly put her off her game in one or two arias, 654 00:48:08,780 --> 00:48:11,810 something potentially life-threatening that had been 655 00:48:11,860 --> 00:48:13,460 very skilfully covered up. 656 00:48:14,700 --> 00:48:18,170 The name on that picture, Sawjoy. 657 00:48:18,220 --> 00:48:21,170 OK, slightly unusual, but not as unusual as the position 658 00:48:21,220 --> 00:48:25,860 in the top left-hand corner instead of the bottom right. 659 00:48:26,940 --> 00:48:30,450 Made me wonder how easy it would've been for someone in a hurry to have 660 00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:32,570 taken it down at some point, 661 00:48:32,620 --> 00:48:35,660 and then put it back again the wrong way up. 662 00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:11,290 I imagine the artist, Beverley Holmes, 663 00:49:11,340 --> 00:49:13,530 might have been a little put out, but... 664 00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:16,170 After that, there was no way for you to get back in there without 665 00:49:16,220 --> 00:49:19,220 being seen, so whatever it was had to still be there. 666 00:49:32,620 --> 00:49:34,170 She'd convinced herself... 667 00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:36,820 she'd convinced me that was just superficial. 668 00:49:38,700 --> 00:49:41,330 We'd get it patched up, it would heal. 669 00:49:41,380 --> 00:49:42,580 Maybe... 670 00:49:43,820 --> 00:49:45,730 Well. 671 00:49:45,780 --> 00:49:50,020 Guess now we'll never know, will we, whether something else happened that set it all off. 672 00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:54,250 Yes, she was stupid, yes, she was mad. 673 00:49:54,300 --> 00:49:56,130 But she was mad for the right reasons. 674 00:49:56,180 --> 00:49:58,820 And thank God for people like that sometimes, you know? 675 00:50:01,860 --> 00:50:04,340 God bloody bless her, is all I've got to say. 676 00:50:06,980 --> 00:50:11,100 I'm sorry. Any more than that, you're not going to get from me. 677 00:50:12,940 --> 00:50:16,050 ..that would find its target and then simply melt away, 678 00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:18,450 completely undetected. 679 00:50:18,500 --> 00:50:19,730 More to the point, 680 00:50:19,780 --> 00:50:23,490 who would have a grievance strong enough to construct such a plan? 681 00:50:23,540 --> 00:50:25,290 Someone, we may suppose, 682 00:50:25,340 --> 00:50:28,730 on the verge of hysteria. Emotionally unbalanced, 683 00:50:28,780 --> 00:50:32,730 who was prepared to go to any lengths to wreak their revenge. 684 00:50:32,780 --> 00:50:36,370 A crime of passion, love spurned, recriminations, 685 00:50:36,420 --> 00:50:39,690 irrational and real, nausea, jealousy and hate. 686 00:50:39,740 --> 00:50:44,170 Who else could it point to, but the tuba player, who she'd already... 687 00:50:48,340 --> 00:50:50,180 Rachel! 688 00:51:37,580 --> 00:51:40,930 Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see that. 689 00:51:40,980 --> 00:51:42,660 Sorry I had to see that?! 690 00:51:44,260 --> 00:51:47,330 I sometimes wonder, Jonathan, exactly what I married! 691 00:51:47,380 --> 00:51:50,770 Free admission for life to the Twilight Zone? 692 00:51:50,820 --> 00:51:55,370 If it's not phantom knife-wielding stalkers or ghostly human remains 693 00:51:55,420 --> 00:51:58,370 suddenly vanishing in the... Now what are you looking for? 694 00:51:58,420 --> 00:52:01,740 Ah! I did see it here, I thought I had. 695 00:52:03,140 --> 00:52:05,700 That web link she wrote down for you. 696 00:52:06,740 --> 00:52:10,650 If I'm not mistaken, it tells us everything we need to know 697 00:52:10,700 --> 00:52:14,090 and all that other. Oh, God. What? 698 00:52:14,140 --> 00:52:16,810 A little slower, please, would be nice. 699 00:52:16,860 --> 00:52:19,250 The letters of Septimus Noone. 700 00:52:19,300 --> 00:52:21,450 The name, you know I said 701 00:52:21,500 --> 00:52:25,090 fitted in perfectly well with everything else here? 702 00:52:25,140 --> 00:52:27,330 Everything from a book collection that includes 703 00:52:27,380 --> 00:52:29,770 the works of Dylan Thomas and Samuel Butler, 704 00:52:29,820 --> 00:52:33,050 to that imaginary friend of yours you had when you were a child. 705 00:52:33,100 --> 00:52:37,300 Easiest thing, I think, would be to make one brief detour on the way back. 706 00:52:40,260 --> 00:52:41,820 No. My gosh. 707 00:52:43,060 --> 00:52:44,100 I'm impressed. 708 00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:47,890 Considering the time it took 709 00:52:47,940 --> 00:52:51,530 and all the trouble I went to to disguise the writing. 710 00:52:51,580 --> 00:52:55,010 Of course, I was rather pleased with myself at the time. 711 00:52:55,060 --> 00:52:57,380 The writing, oddly, I never questioned. 712 00:52:58,420 --> 00:53:00,410 It was the paper. 713 00:53:00,460 --> 00:53:05,010 Most people, if a letter's too wide for the envelope, 714 00:53:05,060 --> 00:53:09,290 fold it a couple of times down the long way and then across. 715 00:53:09,340 --> 00:53:12,140 Your way's more distinctive. 716 00:53:16,260 --> 00:53:20,810 I'd say it's verging on unique. 717 00:53:20,860 --> 00:53:25,410 I'm just writing you a link now to a website that just gave me 718 00:53:25,460 --> 00:53:26,740 so much comfort. 719 00:53:28,780 --> 00:53:32,050 Why, Hazel? For what possible reason? 720 00:53:32,100 --> 00:53:36,580 You don't think we argued? My head against her brick wall. 721 00:53:37,580 --> 00:53:41,690 And how could I refuse her anything at that stage? 722 00:53:41,740 --> 00:53:45,980 As soon as she knew her time was running out... 723 00:53:47,420 --> 00:53:50,370 Believe it or believe it not, the whole idea 724 00:53:50,420 --> 00:53:52,540 was to try and lessen the grief. 725 00:53:54,180 --> 00:53:56,020 He'd find the letters, and... 726 00:53:57,220 --> 00:53:59,530 She just had this horror, you see, 727 00:53:59,580 --> 00:54:04,290 of him moping about over her memory, for the rest of his days. 728 00:54:04,340 --> 00:54:08,650 If she could somehow discredit herself in his eyes, 729 00:54:08,700 --> 00:54:11,300 at the very end, she just thought... 730 00:54:14,940 --> 00:54:16,020 ..well. 731 00:54:17,300 --> 00:54:19,380 Thank God it never came to anything. 732 00:54:26,980 --> 00:54:30,090 So, Erewhon by Samuel Butler, 733 00:54:30,140 --> 00:54:33,690 a place he famously invented, as "nowhere" spelt backwards. 734 00:54:33,740 --> 00:54:39,490 And Llareggub backwards, the village in Under Milk Wood. 735 00:54:39,540 --> 00:54:40,850 "Bugger all." 736 00:54:40,900 --> 00:54:44,970 I know, but how you could just zero in on those two titles, 737 00:54:45,020 --> 00:54:46,450 out of all this lot. 738 00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:49,850 Yeah, the rule of three that made it just about plausible. 739 00:54:49,900 --> 00:54:54,890 Zero. Imaginary friend, whose name, in reverse, meant "nothing." 740 00:54:54,940 --> 00:54:58,290 She loved words. And playing with words, but... 741 00:54:58,340 --> 00:55:00,330 trust you to make that connection. 742 00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:04,090 A name she must have seen God knows how often in that churchyard. 743 00:55:04,140 --> 00:55:07,930 If she's wondering what to call this non-existent lover... 744 00:55:07,980 --> 00:55:09,610 Septimus Noone... 745 00:55:09,660 --> 00:55:12,260 Was actually Septimus No-One. 746 00:55:31,860 --> 00:55:34,730 So, he'll be back at uni then, now, Ridley? 747 00:55:34,780 --> 00:55:37,530 I trust he didn't find the whole experience a waste of time. 748 00:55:37,580 --> 00:55:39,450 Oh, no way. No, no. 749 00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:41,930 Admits he's still got a lot to learn, but... 750 00:55:41,980 --> 00:55:46,170 No, he'll be back. Oh, good. 751 00:55:46,220 --> 00:55:48,970 And you've made the right decision, I'm sure, about this place. 752 00:55:49,020 --> 00:55:50,890 Why would you want to live anywhere else? 753 00:55:50,940 --> 00:55:52,730 Yes, well, I wasn't too sure at first. 754 00:55:52,780 --> 00:55:55,890 There's been one or two very creepy moments round here, I have to say. 755 00:55:55,940 --> 00:55:58,650 Oh, finding those old love letters of your mother's. 756 00:55:58,700 --> 00:56:01,010 And what was even weirder, the very next moment 757 00:56:01,060 --> 00:56:05,410 that halo suddenly vanishing from her photo. That was creepy. 758 00:56:05,460 --> 00:56:08,170 Like, a coffee ring on the page that was there one minute, 759 00:56:08,220 --> 00:56:10,450 and then miraculously gone. 760 00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:13,770 But you know what, some of that lateral thinking must be rubbing off, 761 00:56:13,820 --> 00:56:17,610 because it was when I thought about that painting being the wrong way up, 762 00:56:17,660 --> 00:56:20,570 I suddenly remembered that's a, a partner's desk in there, 763 00:56:20,620 --> 00:56:23,130 which means the back of it's exactly the same as the front. 764 00:56:23,180 --> 00:56:26,610 And what if the top section had somehow been turned around 765 00:56:26,660 --> 00:56:27,970 to face the other way? 766 00:56:28,020 --> 00:56:31,450 Which, guess what, when we checked, is exactly what we found. 767 00:56:31,500 --> 00:56:33,050 At some point in the past, evidently, 768 00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:36,130 the desk had been moved around the room, and that page from the paper, 769 00:56:36,180 --> 00:56:39,770 he put in there to save had just ended up against the wall. 770 00:56:39,820 --> 00:56:43,250 The one with the ring on it, obviously another copy altogether, 771 00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:45,690 we just happened to find in that pile of books. 772 00:56:45,740 --> 00:56:49,810 Except, who would have gone in there to move the top of a desk around? 773 00:56:49,860 --> 00:56:51,370 We couldn't imagine. 774 00:56:51,420 --> 00:56:54,010 I mean, there's been no-one else in the house. 775 00:56:54,060 --> 00:56:57,260 Apart from people like yourself, at the funeral the other day. 776 00:57:05,660 --> 00:57:08,930 Ridley? I can't find Ripley. We'll have to go. I'm so sorry. 777 00:57:08,980 --> 00:57:10,140 We'll have to go. 778 00:57:15,580 --> 00:57:18,170 Ripley? 779 00:57:18,220 --> 00:57:19,660 Ripley? 780 00:57:31,460 --> 00:57:32,770 Stay there. 781 00:57:32,820 --> 00:57:34,890 What shall we do?! We switch the desk. What?! 782 00:57:34,940 --> 00:57:37,490 We take everything off, turn it round, and then it's done. 783 00:57:37,540 --> 00:57:38,970 We put everything back. Fine. 784 00:57:39,020 --> 00:57:41,180 This side's exactly the same as this side. Right. 785 00:57:43,820 --> 00:57:45,900 Three, two, one! Oh! Oh! 786 00:58:03,980 --> 00:58:05,490 Oh, God. 787 00:58:05,540 --> 00:58:07,490 Polly... 788 00:58:07,540 --> 00:58:09,050 Jonathan... 789 00:58:09,100 --> 00:58:10,530 What can I say? 790 00:58:15,660 --> 00:58:18,650 Listen, I don't know when you're thinking of starting a family, 791 00:58:18,700 --> 00:58:20,650 but, you know what they say about space. 792 00:58:20,700 --> 00:58:23,250 No-one can hear you scream? 793 00:58:23,300 --> 00:58:24,700 Make the most of it?