- Cory, stop... - All right, all right.
Nice level stroke and just kiss the cue ball.
Softly.
Very softly.
Uh...
I'm thinking darts. All right, now...
The key to this game is to be very gentle with the dart and let the air do the work.
Like this?
(man shrieks)
Sorry.
Uh...
- Maybe it's safer if we just talk. - Yeah. No one ever got hurt talking.
Oh, um...
- Are you cold? - A little.
Here.
- A perfect fit. - Yeah. Just like us.
You know, Cory, I wasn't sure what to expect,
but moving from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend has been real easy.
Yeah, and fun.
I think it's because we've been such good friends for so long.
So, Cory, are you feeling what I'm feeling?
- I think I am. Topanga? - Yeah?
I love you.
Did you hear what I said?
Yes.
Can we go now?
- What happened to you? - It's the weirdest thing.
Last night I'm sitting at Chubbie's, right?
I'm looking deep into Paula Balboa's chestnut eyes.
I lean forward, about to make my move,
when some yahoo hits me in the butt with a dart.
You... you...
- You didn't see who it was? - No.
Lot of sick people out there, man.
So, how was your night with the lovely Topanga?
It was good. Good.
90 percent good.
And the other 20 percent?
Well, I... I may have kinda gotten caught up in the moment
and said some things that maybe I shouldn't have said.
Cor, did you get emotional with Topanga?
It was hard not to. I mean, she looked so beautiful.
You didn't tell her that, did you?
N-no!
Say she's beautiful?
Yeah. Like I'd say that, Shawn.
- I said, "I love you." - (whines)
- What? What, what, what? - You idiot!
Once word gets around what you told Topanga, every girl's gonna wanna hear it.
- What? "I love you?" - Sh! You're like a stinking canary!
Come on, Shawn. I mean,
I don't believe telling Topanga I love her is gonna affect anybody but me and her.
Hey, Eric, Eric. Guess what? Cory told Topanga he loved her.
Oh!
Grandma Topanga, what's not to love?
You have such an adorable little brother.
I sure do, don't I?
Christi, I'll catch up with you, OK? OK.
What could you possibly be thinking?
Christi's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her.
Oh, man, I gotta do something now. Think. You gotta think, Eric.
Ow.
- Thinking cramp? - Yeah.
- I get those, too. - All right.
(clears throat)
Christi, I love you. Christi, I love you.
Christi, I...
I don't even know her last name.
Great, I gotta think. Ow!
You see, Cor?
Thanks to you, dating as we know it at John Adams High is over.
But everything's all right with me and Topanga.
Are you kidding me?
From this moment on, Topanga will be a gushing, love-struck puppy,
hanging on to your every word.
I really have to go.
You see?
(Feeny) Don't think you're getting away with this!
- Oh, go away. - Stop right there.
Hey, captain, what is your beef?
My beef, captain, is that you just snaked my coffee.
Hey, I put my money in, the cup dropped, the coffee poured. It's my coffee.
- How much money did you put in? - A nickel.
Precisely, a nickel.
I had just deposited 75 cents
and I turn my back for a moment to get some more cha...
- Give that back. - Hey, hey, hey.
Eli, Eli.
- Just a second, Jonathan. I got a situation. - Yeah, yeah, more than you know.
Remember that interview I set was with a Mr. Feeny?
Yeah, you know what? I can't wait, 'cause the first thing I'm gonna do is tell Feeny
he's got a little mustached man power tripping all over his hall.
Feeny, right?
Hi.
Coffee?
(bell rings)
- Oh, Topanga. - No!
Shawn, are you insane? You bull rushed me!
I had to, man. Don't you know what you're doing?
Yeah, there's something wrong between me and Topanga
and I want to find out what it is.
- Not by giving her these. - Here.
Look, Cory, I've been doing some thinking.
Ow!
The problem with your relationship is Topanga's got all the power now.
What power?
The power you give up when you say, "I love you."
But I do. I mean, what's wrong with saying how I feel?
- What's wrong with telling someone... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, b-b-but, look.
The longer you can go in a relationship without saying those words,
the more power you hold.
- It's in books, man. - What books are you reading?
Men Are from Mars, Women Want to Blow Mars out of the Stinking Sky.
They're after us, Cor. Be warned.
So, this power, how do I get it back?
- Wait her out. Make her come to you. - But she's avoiding me.
- Exactly. She's laying low, making a list. - What list?
The whipped list of all the things she wants you to do.
You know, walks on the beach,
going to the Pottery Barn, drinking International Coffees.
Have you tried the Viennese Mocha? It's great.
It's happening.
Cory, I want you to wait her out. I don't want you going near her.
And in the meantime, I want you to make a list of your own. Things you want to do.
Yeah. Yeah, like yard sales and antique shops...
Cory!
I just want her to like my list.
Eli. Eli, wait.
- Come on, wait. Wait, wait, wait. - Let go of me.
Was it that bad?
I stole his coffee.
I didn't kill anybody.
Man, I'm sorry, Eli.
I still think you would have made a great teacher, though, man.
Why? I mean, I have nothing to say to kids. I don't even understand kids.
But you know how to communicate, man, and you know how to do it honestly.
And that's what got me fired from producing the Six O'Clock News.
I'm trying to show people what's really going on with slumlords in Philadelphia
and the station manager's saying:
"Well, let's see more of that woman that walks to work naked."
Which is exactly why you'd make a great media arts teacher, man.
Getting to what the truth is. That's what these kids need to hear.
They aren't gonna be hearing it from me after that session in hell with Mr. Mustache.
I prefer Mr. Feeny.
- Is he there all the time? - All the time.
Man, haven't you put me through enough?
Not nearly.
- You start on Monday. - Start what?
Mr. Williams, you show great passion.
I think our students will benefit
from a teacher who's actually lived his subject matter.
So, congratulations.
Come on, George. Even I gotta say, quit yanking the guy.
I yank you not.
To tell you the truth, Mr. Williams, you remind me
of another dedicated young man who was filled with fire and fury.
George, you mean me?
I mean me, you egomaniac.
Shawn, Shawn, you were right.
(in French)
Where did you learn how to speak French?
I'm an idiot savant. You didn't know that?
Cool.
Anyway, good news. I've got the power back.
- Oh, Topanga came to you. - Yeah, yeah. She left me this note.
She said she wants to meet me here and talk.
Huh? Huh?
I could write a book of my own. I'll call it Shawn.
I Hardly Knew Me.
Man.
You really are an idiot savant.
Hi, Cory.
Oh. Hi, Topanga.
- Can we talk alone? - Sure.
- Alone. - Alone.
Cory, this isn't easy for me.
Well, you know, relationships are hard work.
I mean, they involve planning, communicating, a lot of give-and-take.
I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Was that give or take?
I'm sorry. It's over.
Goodbye.
So, how does it feel to have the power back, huh?
This makes no sense.
Sweet, beautiful, never-hurt-anyone Topanga Lawrence dumped me.
- I was wrong. - I thought we'd be together forever.
- I thought I'd never be wrong. - This isn't about you.
Wrong again.
I'll deal with my pain in my own time.
Cor, let's reenact the night of the date. Maybe there's something I missed.
Well, we were in the back room at Chubbie's holding hands...
Come on. Show me exactly. Pretend I'm Topanga.
Not gonna.
You want answers, do it. There's nobody around. Just do it, come on.
Big hands. OK.
Cory, how do you feel about me?
- Well, I-I want you to know... - Yeah.
...that I love you.
Can't a couple of guys have a little privacy?
So what did you do after Topanga said she loved you?
- Well, she never actually said it back. - She didn't?
No. Isn't that strange?
No, this is great. You left out the most important part of the puzzle.
- So now you can help me? - Are you kidding me? It's over.
(bell)
Look, Cory. Here she comes.
Don't let her know you're hurting so bad. Laugh with me.
- What? - Laugh.
- Matthews, Hunter, stand up. - I didn't do it.
Get up.
Hunter, who's your best friend?
You are, sir!
- Matthews, who's your best friend? - Shawn is.
And what do we do to people who mess with our best friends?
- Kill 'em? - You're right.
And with that, I would like to introduce Mr. Eli Williams,
your new media arts teacher and my best friend.
Mess with him and die.
Eli.
Thanks, John.
Now what?
- You're the teacher. - OK, um.
Well, I guess, if nothing else,
I'm here to teach you to find the truth in the media.
Because there is a difference between what they say and what is real.
That was very good. Watch this. Hunter, what did he just say?
Something about Israel?
Is that great?
I mean, let's face it.
TVs and newspapers are not always honest
and without honesty, well, you're nowhere.
Honest? Let me tell you a little story about a kid from Philly who was honest.
You see, he said what was in his heart and then the fu...
I'm sorry. Was that out loud?
OK. Back to Israel.
Cory, dinner was over a half-hour ago.
Yeah, it was delicious, Mom.
- Cory, what's wrong? - I might as well tell you.
I mean, you're gonna hear about it anyway.
See, last night I was out with Topanga.
We were having a really nice time so I figured, "Why not go for it?"
Go for it?
Cory.
Wh-what are you saying?
I went too far with Topanga.
Oh, my God. How did this happen?
She looked so pretty, Mom, and there we were all alone
in the back room at Chubbie's...
Mom!
No, no. That's not what happened.
Well, all right then.
Look. I-I just told Topanga I loved her and she didn't feel the same way.
Hi, Mrs. Matthews.
Sweet little Cory.
Guess where we were.
- Pottery Barn. - Where?
Pottery Barn. Pottery Barn.
Eric, show them the ceramic cat.
Later.
Tell me again.
I love you.
I'm gonna make you eat that ceramic cat.
You can wash it down with the napkin holders.
I miss her, Shawn. I really miss her.
- You've got to let it go, Cor. - But everything reminds me of her.
Cor, don't do this to yourself. Get her out of your head. There is no Topanga.
You have no idea.
Look, Cory, everybody gets dumped.
- Have you ever been dumped? - Me? Are you kidding? I'm Shawn.
I need to be alone. I gotta think about this.
Fair enough, but before I go, I got one more thing to say.
(in French)
That was nice. What did you say?
I don't know. I just speak it, I don't understand it. Later.
This place? It's crawling with kids.
Yeah, they spray once a month, but they keep coming back.
Now I'm real hungry.
Come on, man, the food here's not that bad.
Besides, I don't mind hanging with the kids, you know?
Make myself available in case there's ever anything they want to talk about.
Hey, hey, hey, there's that weird kid that freaked on me during class.
- Yeah, Matthews. - What was that about?
- Go ask him. - Oh, right.
Then he answers, we bond and I have myself a little 14-year-old friend?
No, thanks. That's not gonna happen to me.
Hey, whatever you say, man.
- So the food here is good? - Oh, yeah, sure.
I'll talk to Chubbie, see if he'll order out for us.
Matthews, right?
So, that freaking out stuff, that was just for the new guy?
Sorry about that. I'm sort of having a bad day.
Really? 'Cause you hide it so well.
See, I told my girlfriend I loved her and she dumped me.
I-I-I shouldn't have said anything.
Well, didn't you mean it?
Well, of course I meant it. She knows that.
- Then you've got nothing to apologize for. - Yeah, I got nothing.
No girlfriend. No jean jacket.
- Well, why did she break it off? - She didn't say.
All she said was, "It's over."
What I can't figure out is...
Look, I know she cares about me, too.
Sounds like she's not being honest. There's more story out there. Go find it.
What's the use? She won't come back to me.
Yeah, maybe not, but without the truth, you got nothing.
And without your jacket, well, you're just cold.
You know, I'm sort of glad I freaked out on you today.
All right, get out of here.
Matthews. Just keep it honest.
And don't come back here begging me for advice either, man.
- Cory, what are you doing here? - Look, Topanga.
Now that it's over between us there are a few things of mine that I want back.
- My jean jacket. - Fine, take it. Now go.
No. There's one more thing.
- I don't have anything else of yours. - Yeah, you do.
You have all my feelings about you and I don't have any of yours.
So everything I've ever thought about you I want back.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I thought I could open up to you and tell you how I feel.
So I said I loved you. So what? It was the truth.
And you just blew me off without any explanation.
Without telling me how you feel.
You know, I thought I knew you, Topanga,
but I was wrong.
I was scared.
What?
You wanted to know how I feel. I was scared.
- Of me? - No.
Of what you said.
I mean, we're only 14 years old.
These feelings... When... when did you know?
Promise you won't laugh?
Do you remember the time when we were in my backyard
chasing fireflies?
And you had, like, 20 in your jar
and I had one, with a broken bulb.
And then Eric came outside and started teasing us...
He said, "Cory loves Topanga." And you said, "Yuck, I hate her."
- That's when I knew. - Cory, we were only six.
Who cares?
How could you know then?
I'm not even sure I know what "I love you" means now.
Look.
All I know is you and I belong together.
I mean, I've always been able to talk to you, to make you laugh,
and I've always, always wanted to take care of you.
All right.
Topanga, I've been completely honest with you.
So...
I got my jean jacket so I'll leave you alone.
So that's what "I love you" means?
Yeah.
Bye.
Cory.
Uh-huh?
I love you too.
I was always hoping you did.
Christi, we should rethink this whole "I love you" thing.
'Cause it only leads to heartache. Take my little brother, Cory.
- The adorable one? - Yeah, him.
I mean, he goes off and tells his girlfriend he loves her.
What does it get him? They don't even speak anymore.
I'm telling you, those words are death to any relationship.
So, let's just pretend it never happened, OK?
Hi. Tell Mom and Dad I'm walking Topanga home.
And I'm taking the long route.
Pottery Barn?
I love you, Eric Matthews.
And I love you, Christi...
...i...
Uh...