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♪ The Simpsons 25x15 ♪
The War of Art
Original Air Date on March 23, 2014
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(bird chirping)
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(groaning)
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Hm... hmm?!
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"Lisa wants
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"a dot-dot-dot
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guinea pig"? Mm.
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(humming happily)
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(curious grunt)
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(yells)
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(Homer smacking and chewing)
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(gulps, swallows)
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(curious grunt)
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Hey, Homer, did you know that
guinea pigs are self-groomers?
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And when the get excited,
they jump straight up.
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- It's called "popcorning."
- Lisa got to you.
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I don't know how,
but she got to you.
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(phone buzzing)
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(chiming)
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Emojis.
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Now she's gone too far.
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Lisa, your father and I are very
concerned about all this hinting.
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(groans)
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I've never had a pet
of my very own.
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My clock is ticking.
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I don't want to be
one of those girls
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who waits till she's 16
to decide if she's ready,
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and then it's too late.
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(both grunt)
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Well, we've
talked about it.
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And if you really
want a guinea pig,
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you'll have to sign
this contract.
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"I, Lisa Simpson,
hereby promise
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to take full responsibility
for this dog, cat, other."
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- Circle "other."
- "This includes feeding, bathing,
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"cleaning of droppings
and barfings,
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and when the time comes,
burying or flushing."
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Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate.
We can skip all this litter box stuff.
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"If pet becomes Internet superstar,
all rights revert to father."
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Sign here, here, initial here,
one more over here. And done.
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Oh, my God! I'm
getting a guinea pig!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
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The kid-parent contract.
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Unenforceable, yet you feel
like you didn't completely cave.
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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You're doing the right thing
adopting a rescue pig.
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You know, most of these
guys are rejects
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from the big guinea-pig
mills in the Midwest.
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Oh, I can't tell you
how many mill pigs
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we get in here who have
bumblefoot or the slobbers.
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You don't have
children, do you?
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This one whistled at me!
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Ooh, that could
be the one.
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Oh, but that orange guy
looks like a pumpkin.
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(gasps) But this
fellow is so fuzzy!
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Well, they all
have their charms.
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This one's nibbling
a sunflower seed.
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Look at that hair. Aw, I just
want to comb it forever!
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Have you seen a
pinker nose? (gasps)
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I have now!
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Lisa, you've just
got to choose one.
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Lisa?
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She's gone, honey.
She's gone.
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That one's fur looks
like a tuxedo!
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A Band-Aid on
its tail, aw!
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(gasps)
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Albino!
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I'm definitely getting this one.
Oh, but I forgot about this one.
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Oh, my God, I never
even saw this one!
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(gasps)
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...
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Maybe I should get
that sick one.
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If I don't, no one else will.
(gasps)
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Bart, list your top
five, best to worst.
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No, no, no, no!
Worst to best.
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I just wish the gray one had
the brown one's personality.
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Okay, Dad, give me your phone. I
need to look at the pictures again.
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Aw, aw, aw! Aw, aw!
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Okay, this is the guinea pig
that will make me happy.
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She thinks she's decided.
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Don't say a thing.
Don't blow this.
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Okay, now, you sure you
only want just one?
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They tend to do
better in pairs.
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(gasps)
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I could get two?
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(engine revs,
tires screech)
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HOMER:
Farting tweakers rule!
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I've tried to give Pokey a perfect
replica of his natural habitat.
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Peruvian feather grass,
an Incan sleeping mat,
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and a portrait of Marisol Espinoza,
the Vice President of Peru.
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Are you sure you didn't create
a perfect habitat for you?
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I wish I could
live in there.
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Well, there's plenty of
room because Pokey's gone.
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(gasps)
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Where'd he go?
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(squeaking)
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This looks like a job for...
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fireplace tongs.
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(tongs clang, Pokey squeaks)
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No!
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(Pokey squeaking)
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Oh, my God!
He's in the walls!
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I hear chewing.
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No, that's a much
bigger animal.
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(grunts)
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Kettle corn. The heroin
of the farmers' market.
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I've lost my guinea pig!
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(squeaking, tapping nearby)
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Pokey!
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Our boat painting!
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I'm sorry, Mom.
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(groans)
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That's okay, sweetheart.
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Your pig thingy
didn't mean it.
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It's just, it felt comforting to
know that while we watched TV,
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there was art going
on behind us.
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(moans)
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Oh, well, I guess
we have to go
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to an art gallery
and buy a new painting.
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Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery
and spend a bunch of money, or...
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Mm... hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm?
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Yeah, Milhouse played
the violin for years
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until it turned out the vibrations
were screwing up his bones.
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Yeah, these seem great.
(sniffs)
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Oh, too bad someone
used cello rosin.
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(groaning in frustration)
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(gasping in awe)
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Oh, my gosh,
that's beautiful!
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I've never seen a painting
with a lighthouse before.
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(laughs)
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Oh, that. That was on the wall of
Kirk's bachelor pad, back when we were
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(whispers):
Separated.
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Yeah, it's a great piece.
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I didn't have a mirror, so I shaved in
the reflection of the chrome frame.
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This could be our new
living room painting.
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I don't know.
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How about this poster
of a really rocking jukebox?
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You know it's rocking 'cause music
notes are coming out of it.
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Painting's only 20 bucks.
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Oh, please, Homie?
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I'll throw in
the tiny violins.
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(Homer humming classical melody)
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Oh, it looks great!
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Well... to me, it looks like...
garbage salad.
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But that's the great
thing about art.
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Everyone can have their own
opinion about why it sucks.
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I've got to get rid of this ugly
chrome frame from Kirk's bachelor bad.
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I hate to think of the things
this mirror has reflected.
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Hmm!
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Hey, look. There's a signature
that the frame covered up.
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"Johan Oldenveldt."
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Here he is!
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"Johan Oldenveldt, painter.
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"Lived in Amsterdam, Paris. Prolific
early 20th century naturalist."
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Ooh, I think this was painted
by someone famous.
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Maybe it's valuable.
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We should have
it appraised.
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Pfft! You guys are crazy. I
never even heard of that guy.
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It's not like it was painted
by Leonardo Da Vinci Code.
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Now, here's what
makes art valuable--
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One: Nudity. Two: Holograms. Three:
Something terrible happening to Jesus.
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Ah yes, seascape,
marvelous natural light,
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classic use of gouache.
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You're right.
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This is an early-career
Oldenveldt.
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- Quite valuable.
- Oh, my God!
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I expect it to go somewhere
between 80 to $100,000.
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(gasps)
Nobody touch it!
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Bart, stop looking at it!
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- But I want to see it!
- No, you'll wear it out!
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Baby, you saw something in this
painting, and you were right.
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Wow, the Van Houtens
owned this for years,
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and never knew how
much it was worth.
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Think how happy they'll be when we
sell it and split the money with them.
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Split it? Whoa! Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa,
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whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
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Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa...
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whoa!
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(cell phone ringing)
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HOMER: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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Oh!
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Split it with them?
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Kirk and Luann didn't know what the
painting was worth when they sold it.
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Yes, they sold it to us.
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So, now it's our painting.
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We can hang it on our wall, cut
eyeholes in it to spy on people.
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Or sell it for lots of money
which we keep.
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For ourselves?
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This dude gets it.
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(groans)
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But the Van Houtens
are our friends.
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Are they, Marge?
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If you think about it, aren't
they really just the parents
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of a kid who happens
to hang out with our kid?
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All our friends
are like that.
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00:08:54,271 --> 00:08:56,955
Well, how would you feel
if we sold them something
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00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,855
that turned out
to be valuable?
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00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:01,460
I would feel A) Happy
for their good fortune,
200
00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:03,214
B) Proud to know
rich people,
201
00:09:03,235 --> 00:09:06,962
and C) Grateful for an opportunity
to learn from a mistake.
202
00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:08,741
(door bell chimes)
MARGE: How about this?
203
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:12,935
What if we give the Van
Houtens 25% of the money?
204
00:09:12,957 --> 00:09:17,228
Then they'll just be mad about
the 65% that we're keeping.
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00:09:17,962 --> 00:09:21,236
- Marge, you like kindness, right?
- Sure.
206
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:25,115
So, even if we gave Kirk and
Luann some of the money,
207
00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:29,236
the knowledge of what they could
have had will eat away at them,
208
00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:32,609
like piranhas devouring
a wounded yeti.
209
00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:35,464
It's kinder never
to tell them.
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00:09:35,484 --> 00:09:37,271
Okay, I see your point.
211
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We should sell the painting,
keep all the money,
212
00:09:39,985 --> 00:09:42,725
and never, ever tell
the Van Houtens.
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00:09:42,757 --> 00:09:43,778
Mm-hmm!
214
00:09:43,818 --> 00:09:45,604
(deep inhale)
215
00:09:45,813 --> 00:09:47,673
(gasping)
216
00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:49,204
(deep inhale)
217
00:09:49,358 --> 00:09:50,726
(Marge and Homer gasping)
218
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,174
What'll it take to
buy your silence?
219
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,281
Hmm.
220
00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:57,824
Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back
are shining up your new bike.
221
00:09:57,837 --> 00:09:59,920
And all I have to do
is not say anything
222
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,309
about some painting
to my Mom and Dad?
223
00:10:02,324 --> 00:10:06,193
Oh, sweetie, you want your
parents to be happy, don't you?
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00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:07,949
I guess.
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00:10:07,976 --> 00:10:10,076
(laughing):
"I guess"!
226
00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:11,363
You're funny!
227
00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:13,532
No wonder Lisa's
in love with you.
228
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:16,298
- She is?!
- She is?!
229
00:10:16,318 --> 00:10:20,623
So, if I keep my mouth shut, you
get me new wheelie sneakers,
230
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:22,781
and Bart agrees to promote
and encourage use
231
00:10:22,807 --> 00:10:25,417
of my new cool
nickname, "C.J."
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00:10:25,443 --> 00:10:27,304
(Homer grunts)
233
00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:28,563
You got it, Ceej.
234
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,251
(doorbell rings)
235
00:10:31,392 --> 00:10:33,823
You found out that painting
was worth big bucks,
236
00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:35,390
and you weren't
gonna tell us?!
237
00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:37,823
I don't know what
you're talking about.
238
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,366
(loud whisper):
Hide the treasure!
239
00:10:39,386 --> 00:10:42,099
I'm sorry, Mr. S.
I cracked!
240
00:10:42,126 --> 00:10:46,067
We had a deal. And now
we've got nothing!
241
00:10:46,088 --> 00:10:48,489
(blows)
242
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,708
We considered you
our friends.
243
00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:56,215
We trusted you! I let Homer
use our master bathroom!
244
00:10:56,242 --> 00:10:58,259
Then you stab us
in the back!
245
00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:03,182
If you knew you sold a
valuable painting for nothing,
246
00:11:03,202 --> 00:11:05,177
how could you live
with yourselves?
247
00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:07,682
We were just trying
to be... kind.
248
00:11:07,711 --> 00:11:10,457
Kind?! You call it kind
to give us nothing?
249
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:13,471
We were gonna treat you to dinner
at an upscale chain restaurant
250
00:11:13,491 --> 00:11:16,061
and never explain why,
but now forget it!
251
00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:19,813
- Oh, so that's how it is!
- That's exactly how it is.
252
00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:22,672
- Oh, is it?!
- Oh, it is!
253
00:11:22,761 --> 00:11:23,428
(clears throat)
254
00:11:23,453 --> 00:11:26,146
Luann, I hope we're
still on Thursday
255
00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:28,816
for collecting used cell
phones for the troops.
256
00:11:28,829 --> 00:11:30,943
I don't think you
need any help.
257
00:11:30,969 --> 00:11:33,370
You're so good at...
collecting.
258
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:35,320
Oh!
259
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,295
Oh, that was cold, Luann!
260
00:11:39,321 --> 00:11:41,142
So cold!
261
00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:42,690
Brr!
262
00:11:42,717 --> 00:11:45,465
Sarcastic brr!
263
00:11:45,485 --> 00:11:48,147
See what happens
when we get greedy?
264
00:11:48,177 --> 00:11:50,669
Honey, there's something
I want to show you.
265
00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:52,307
An ATM receipt?
266
00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:55,324
I don't know whose this is. I found
it next to the cash machine,
267
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:57,774
and I've always kept it.
Look at the balance.
268
00:11:57,812 --> 00:11:59,813
Five figures!
269
00:11:59,815 --> 00:12:03,137
With that painting, we could
have what these people have:
270
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:05,073
A money cushion.
271
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,903
No more living
paycheck to paycheck,
272
00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:10,662
one lost retainer away
from the gutter.
273
00:12:10,682 --> 00:12:14,052
I could write a check
with today's date on it.
274
00:12:14,072 --> 00:12:16,002
That's the cushion.
275
00:12:17,145 --> 00:12:18,379
♪
276
00:12:18,453 --> 00:12:19,840
Tonight, a special report.
277
00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:24,065
Fat cat art experts take advantage
of John and Jane Yard Sale.
278
00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:26,643
So, would you characterize
your friend of many years
279
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:30,858
cheating you out of your painting as no
big deal, or a devastating betrayal?
280
00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:33,150
Oh, definitely
betrayal, Kent.
281
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,551
Interesting. So if you see the
Simpsons walking down your street,
282
00:12:36,585 --> 00:12:39,458
lock your doors and hide...
your friendship.
283
00:12:39,478 --> 00:12:41,371
Great! Now we're raccoons,
284
00:12:41,384 --> 00:12:43,921
the masked bandits
of the animal world!
285
00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:47,065
Don't worry. No one's gonna
see this stupid show.
286
00:12:47,082 --> 00:12:48,538
(both gasp, tires squeal)
287
00:12:49,242 --> 00:12:49,956
(gasps)
288
00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:54,221
The whole town's
turned against us!
289
00:12:54,243 --> 00:12:56,478
(engine revs,
tires squeal)
290
00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:02,276
Ooh, a support rock!
291
00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:05,351
This one's against us.
This one's for us.
292
00:13:05,371 --> 00:13:08,303
For, for, against,
for, against...
293
00:13:08,356 --> 00:13:10,863
We don't even get this
many Christmas cards.
294
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:13,145
(all clamoring)
295
00:13:13,903 --> 00:13:15,323
(all gasp)
296
00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:18,843
There they are, the
Masterpiece Thievers!
297
00:13:18,861 --> 00:13:20,294
Ah, shut your bone hole!
298
00:13:20,315 --> 00:13:22,336
That painting belongs
to the Simpsons!
299
00:13:22,364 --> 00:13:24,957
Sharing is what makes
a community strong!
300
00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,390
All sales are final!
301
00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:29,037
- Keep it! (clamoring)
- Finders keepers, moron!
302
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:32,091
You really think we're still
doing the right thing?
303
00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:35,094
Just close your eyes and
think of the cushion.
304
00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:42,874
First lot: "Untitled Landscape"
by Johan Oldenveldt,
305
00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,632
from the Collection of Homer J.
And Marge B. Simpson.
306
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:48,655
Let's open the bidding
at $80,000.
307
00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:53,624
The paddles, Marge!
Look at the paddles!
308
00:13:57,359 --> 00:13:59,599
WOMAN:
Stop the auction!
309
00:13:59,628 --> 00:14:01,860
That painting
belongs to me!
310
00:14:01,877 --> 00:14:03,210
- (crowd gasps, murmurs)
- Dawn?
311
00:14:03,229 --> 00:14:06,593
Good to see you
again, Beef Kirky.
312
00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:08,137
Who is this woman?
313
00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:13,100
Uhhhhhh...
314
00:14:13,121 --> 00:14:16,796
While you two were separated,
Kirk and used to be friends...
315
00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:18,822
with banana-fits.
316
00:14:18,854 --> 00:14:19,734
(Homer groans)
317
00:14:19,755 --> 00:14:23,091
You told me you didn't see
anyone during our separation.
318
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:28,506
Uhhhhhh...
319
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:32,117
Madam, are you saying this
painting belongs to you?
320
00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,017
Kirk stole it from me!
321
00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:37,605
But I didn't know it was valuable
till I saw the story on TV.
322
00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:40,748
What?! I bought that
painting! She's lying!
323
00:14:40,775 --> 00:14:41,455
(gavel raps)
324
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,360
The auction is on hold until we
can determine the true ownership.
325
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,809
Our cushion!
326
00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:51,248
Don't bother
coming home, Kirk!
327
00:14:51,273 --> 00:14:52,153
Aw!
328
00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:53,892
See what your
greed has done?
329
00:14:53,905 --> 00:14:57,165
- Ow! - Anybody want to
give me a ride home?
330
00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:59,273
- Going once? Going twice?
- (bangs gavel)
331
00:14:59,287 --> 00:15:01,555
Sold! To the
lonely auctioneer!
332
00:15:02,363 --> 00:15:03,563
Ah!
333
00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,913
(cheering, laughter)
334
00:15:10,719 --> 00:15:12,686
Thanks for taking
me in, man.
335
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,939
I guess I can't help but
feel fully responsible.
336
00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:19,665
Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze
from my thick eyeglasses
337
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,433
into your thick
eyeglasses ever again.
338
00:15:22,451 --> 00:15:25,822
What you need, my friend,
is a Canadian Duff.
339
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,033
Beauty, eh?
340
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:31,011
So... why does that chick
think she owns the painting?
341
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:36,259
Oh, Dawn and I went on a vacation to
a resort island called Isla Verde.
342
00:15:36,284 --> 00:15:38,338
I bought the painting
in a café,
343
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:41,836
but that night she ran off
with a parasailing instructor.
344
00:15:41,863 --> 00:15:43,316
Not your fault, man.
345
00:15:43,337 --> 00:15:46,625
Those parasailing guys take
whatever they want.
346
00:15:46,648 --> 00:15:48,228
It was never her painting.
347
00:15:48,241 --> 00:15:52,195
That woman will say anything to keep
herself in electric cigarettes.
348
00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:55,226
And I'd go back to that
Café Artiste to prove it,
349
00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:58,405
but nothing's gonna
get me Luann back.
350
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,546
(snoring)
351
00:16:02,704 --> 00:16:05,814
Okay, all I gotta do is take
a quick ferry to Isla Verde,
352
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,000
find Café Artiste, and they'll
back up Kirk's story.
353
00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:12,581
That will prove the painting
was his-- and now ours.
354
00:16:12,606 --> 00:16:16,575
Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting
has torn the town apart,
355
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:18,683
destroyed Kirk
and Luann's marriage,
356
00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:21,863
and everyone's very
worried about Milhouse.
357
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:25,759
He's been playing Dancing Revolution
for hours, but the TV is off.
358
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,198
But our cushion!
359
00:16:31,226 --> 00:16:33,990
That picture has brought out
the worst in everyone!
360
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:38,047
Please! Just let it go!
361
00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:40,554
(grunting)
362
00:16:40,755 --> 00:16:42,756
You're not gonna
let it go, are you?
363
00:16:42,777 --> 00:16:44,330
I wish I knew how.
364
00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:48,560
This is so exciting!
365
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:51,156
My first time
establishing provenance!
366
00:16:51,182 --> 00:16:52,716
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just remember,
367
00:16:52,729 --> 00:16:56,304
if your mother asks, I took
you to a wine tasting.
368
00:16:56,318 --> 00:16:58,935
That's a terrible thing
for a father to do.
369
00:16:58,966 --> 00:17:00,858
That's why she'll
believe it.
370
00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:06,367
Hmm, this quaint artist community
has gotten a little touristy.
371
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,269
♪
372
00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:15,587
Excuse me. We're trying
to find Café Artiste.
373
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,647
Ah, yes. Top of the hill. Three
discos up, four gelatos on the left.
374
00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:23,278
You can't miss it. It's right between
the disco and the gelato place.
375
00:17:23,311 --> 00:17:25,096
Mmm. Hmm.
376
00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:26,688
Mm-mm!
(door bell jingles)
377
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,453
Mm...
378
00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:30,318
Welcome to Café Artiste!
379
00:17:30,335 --> 00:17:32,177
Would you like
a glass of Strupo?
380
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:36,197
It's a liqueur made of fermented capers,
the official drink of the island.
381
00:17:36,209 --> 00:17:38,068
Mmm! Sounds delicious.
382
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:40,082
It's not.
383
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:43,130
Hey, a friend of mine, uh,
bought a painting here.
384
00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:45,803
Oh, yes, I remember
that painting.
385
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,829
And that is the
man I sold it to.
386
00:17:47,845 --> 00:17:50,618
And that man
sold it to me!
387
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,453
That proves the
painting is mine!
388
00:17:52,466 --> 00:17:56,562
And nothing can stop me from selling
it and keeping all the money!
389
00:17:56,581 --> 00:17:58,685
I love art!
390
00:17:58,710 --> 00:17:59,910
MAN:
Art?
391
00:18:00,216 --> 00:18:01,749
What do you
know about art?
392
00:18:01,762 --> 00:18:04,316
You don't even know
who painted that picture.
393
00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:07,007
Yes, I do. It's a
Johan Oldenveldt.
394
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:09,423
Wrong! It's a me!
395
00:18:09,453 --> 00:18:11,373
- A what?
- I painted it!
396
00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:13,121
Me, Klaus Ziegler!
397
00:18:13,142 --> 00:18:14,342
Who?
398
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,292
- Mm!
- Oh!
399
00:18:17,324 --> 00:18:20,528
This is where I painted
your so-called Oldenveldt.
400
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,588
Prove it.
401
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,354
Aw, crap!
402
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:27,266
You're a forger?
403
00:18:27,285 --> 00:18:29,762
"Forger" is such
a cruel word.
404
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,567
I'm an art forger.
405
00:18:31,596 --> 00:18:33,996
Your painting was an
early, clumsy effort
406
00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:37,485
which I gave to the café owner
to pay off my Strupo tab.
407
00:18:39,636 --> 00:18:40,949
Whew!
408
00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:43,372
Then why did the auction
house say it was real?
409
00:18:43,385 --> 00:18:47,774
I have fooled galleries around the
world with my loving imitations.
410
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,432
Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler!
411
00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:53,304
Ziegler!
Ziegler! Ziegler!
412
00:18:53,837 --> 00:18:55,624
What you do is horrible...
413
00:18:55,644 --> 00:18:59,906
ripping off geniuses who spent
years perfecting their styles.
414
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,031
Perhaps you are the
one who is horrible.
415
00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:02,795
What?!
416
00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:05,218
You only cared about that
painting when you thought
417
00:19:05,224 --> 00:19:07,651
it was created by
someone famous.
418
00:19:07,678 --> 00:19:13,331
Well, no, but now when I look
at it, all I see is a fraud.
419
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:15,104
Beauty is beauty.
420
00:19:15,132 --> 00:19:19,077
My forgeries give pleasure to
people all over the world.
421
00:19:19,104 --> 00:19:21,839
The only real question
to ask about art,
422
00:19:21,859 --> 00:19:26,166
whether it's in the Louvre or on a
freshman's wall at Cal State Fullerton
423
00:19:26,185 --> 00:19:29,045
is, "Did it move you?"
424
00:19:29,059 --> 00:19:30,919
But, you still, I mean...
425
00:19:30,947 --> 00:19:33,782
Oh, I suppose
you're right.
426
00:19:33,802 --> 00:19:36,849
What if I never liked the painting
and only wanted it for money?
427
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,581
Then you, I respect.
428
00:19:38,615 --> 00:19:39,733
(groans)
429
00:19:39,759 --> 00:19:41,959
Oh, great. The
painting is worthless,
430
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,705
(glass shatters)
this was all for nothing,
431
00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:46,200
and when Marge finds out,
she's gonna kill me.
432
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:49,592
Well, on that front, perhaps
I can be of assistance.
433
00:19:49,612 --> 00:19:51,851
If there's one thing
art is good for,
434
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:56,213
it's to melt the frost which
often hardens a woman's heart.
435
00:19:56,632 --> 00:19:57,772
While you're at it...
436
00:19:57,791 --> 00:20:01,784
could you make me a couple more?
I'll pay you in Strupo.
437
00:20:12,015 --> 00:20:13,915
(sighs)
438
00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:15,103
Perfect.
439
00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:17,583
Oh, now that's art.
440
00:20:17,621 --> 00:20:18,494
(grunts)
441
00:20:18,519 --> 00:20:19,825
Rocking.
442
00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:25,996
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
443
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:40,771
ZIEGLER:
The Gray Troll,
444
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,805
Brine of Madness,
Angel's Urine,
445
00:20:43,832 --> 00:20:47,868
all names for the mysterious
elixir known as Strupo.
446
00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:50,806
Though this fermented caper
solution was originally used
447
00:20:50,819 --> 00:20:55,272
to dissolve seagull corpses, local
alcoholics soon found Strupo
448
00:20:55,285 --> 00:20:57,932
to be a palatable
drink of last resort.
449
00:20:57,969 --> 00:21:01,916
The noxious liqueur causes
powerful olfactory hallucinations,
450
00:21:01,940 --> 00:21:04,888
gender confusion, and
wandering mouth.
451
00:21:06,318 --> 00:21:08,502
So if you visit
Isla Verde,
452
00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:13,423
be sure to say "ahoy" to the
crushing addiction of Strupo.
453
00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:16,925
Strupo: Lose everything.
454
00:21:59,144 --> 00:22:00,538
Shh!