1
00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:04,295
TED: <i>Kids, it's not always rational,</i>
<i>but people on their wedding day...</i>

2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:08,371
<i>... sometimes find themselves panicking</i>
<i>about whether they made the best choice.</i>
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font

3
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:12,236
I have a better tie at home.
It's cornflower blue. It's cornflower blue!

4
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,277
TED:
<i>But lucky for Barney, he was marrying a rock.</i>

5
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,676
I can't go through with this wedding.

6
00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:25,621
Last year, when you helped Victoria escape,
how hard was it to climb that drainpipe?

7
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,293
- Extremely hard.
- So that means super easy. Thanks.

8
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,621
Wait, wait. Stop.
What the hell are you doing?

9
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,456
I can't go through with this.

10
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:36,658
No, no, sorry. I refuse to be a part
of a third runaway-bride situation.

11
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:40,395
It's like the dude who kept having
women show up dead at his staircase.

12
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,665
Maybe they tripped,
but do you wanna hang out with that guy?

13
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,901
You're gonna think I'm insane...

14
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:49,671
...but I still think that it's a bad sign
I never found that locket.

15
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,678
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

16
00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,925
Some part of me thought
that Barney would magically find it.

17
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,589
I know. I know that's unfair of me
to expect that, but...

18
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:09,164
You know, I wanna be with a guy
who comes through for me. You know?

19
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:13,497
The guy who somehow, against all odds...

20
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:16,034
...finds my locket.

21
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,109
Okay, just, um... Just calm down. Stay put.

22
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:22,679
Uh, I'm gonna go get you some water, okay?

23
00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,140
Uh, listen, I have something for you.

24
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:58,213
Before I give it to you,
I just wanna make sure you're okay.

25
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:02,410
I was freaking out a little earlier, but Lily
and Marshall calmed me down. I'm okay.

26
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,988
- Good. Good. So Robin's a little nervous.
- Nervous? Why's she nervous?

27
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,989
I'm not nervous. Who's nervous?
No one needs to be nervous.

28
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,787
Cornflower blue, Ted. Cornflower blue!

29
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,898
First off, kudos to Marshall and Lily
for calming you down.

30
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,473
Second, do you remember Robin's locket?

31
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,140
Yeah, of course.

32
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:23,966
She never found it.

33
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,010
Whoa.

34
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,806
- How did you...?
- I never told you...

35
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:33,951
...because I was afraid you'd take it
the wrong way. I wound up tracking it down.

36
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,586
It's a long story.

37
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,223
I was gonna give it to Robin as a surprise...

38
00:02:39,425 --> 00:02:41,325
...but she needs it to come from you.

39
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,425
- Ted, I don't know.
- Take it. Please.

40
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,427
How'd you find it?

41
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,397
I didn't find it. You found it.

42
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,535
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

43
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,176
- Hey. What you writing?
- Hey.

44
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:07,208
Um, it's my wedding day.
What do you think I'm writing?

45
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,682
- A suicide note?
- Hey-o.

46
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,858
- Oh, God. Is it a suicide note?
- Oh, God. How many pills did you take?

47
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,824
- Quick, how do we make him vomit?
- Uh, remind him he's getting married?

48
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,557
Hey-o. Ha, ha.
Wait, now I'm confused. Are you dying?

49
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,698
I'm writing my vows to Robin.

50
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:25,494
But I want them to be profound
and inspiring.

51
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:29,697
As if they were written by the bard himself,
Lionel Richie.

52
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,444
Then why did you wait
until right before the wedding?

53
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,738
I've been trying to get these right for weeks.

54
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:37,005
This is a lot of vows.

55
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,206
Vow-za.

56
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,816
I'll say it again. Vow-za.

57
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,578
Are you gonna read all these?

58
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:47,224
Yeah, wouldn't it be better to project them
as a Vower-Point presentation?

59
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,653
I'll say it again. Vower...

60
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,387
I know it's a lot, but I don't wanna
screw up this wedding thing.

61
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:55,192
"I vow to love you forever, unconditionally...

62
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:59,769
...unless you pudge out, in which case
I'm a Barney-shaped hole in the wall."

63
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,701
Okay. "I vow to start
watching hockey with you."

64
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,240
Oh. That one's sweet.
I know how much you hate hockey.

65
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:06,603
"Once a month."

66
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,972
- It's still a nice gesture.
- "No, once a year.

67
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:12,241
Nope, hockey's dumb, not watching it.
And neither are you, woman.

68
00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:15,419
Now make me French toast."
I'll put this in the "maybe" pile?

69
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,680
Look, if you're having trouble...

70
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,519
...you've got two expert vow consultants
standing right in front of you.

71
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,251
We can show you vow it's done.

72
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,067
- I'll say it again. Vow...
- We're just not enjoying them, honey.

73
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:33,102
I am not gonna take marriage advice
from a couple who just got in a gigantic fight.

74
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,533
I'm doing fine on my own.

75
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,207
No, you're not.

76
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:40,105
All of these vows are selfish
and way too easy to keep.

77
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,873
Wedding vows need to be real commitments.
Like our vows.

78
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,278
- Poppycock.
- What are you talking about?

79
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,417
I remember your precious wedding vows...

80
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,886
...and I guarantee you've broken
every single one of them.

81
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,956
- Vow dare you?
- Just stop.

82
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,684
I can't. It's in-vow-luntary.

83
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:57,885
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

84
00:04:58,097 --> 00:04:59,428
Yeah?

85
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,323
Hey. You asked for me?

86
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,034
Look what Barney just gave me.

87
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:05,933
No way.

88
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:09,573
See? Barney came through.
There's your sign.

89
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,744
- You're good to go.
- Where'd you find the locket, Ted?

90
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,820
- Where did you find the locket?
- Me? Why you asking me?

91
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,853
Barney found it. Ask him.

92
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:27,456
What, you lost a locket?

93
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:32,495
Barney wouldn't tell me how he found it,
which made me realize it had to be you.

94
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:36,933
Heh, okay, I'll embarrass him.

95
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,762
Your fiancé got a metal detector...

96
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,940
...and scoured a 10,000-square-foot grid
around that carousel.

97
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,335
Guess where he found it.

98
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:46,373
The nest of a mama pigeon.

99
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,206
Barney had to wrestle it away
from four baby pigeons.

100
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,949
But the story gets bittersweet...

101
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,153
I lied. Barney said it was in Marshall
and Lily's basement.

102
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:57,584
But do you still want to finish
your little pigeon story?

103
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,019
The mama pigeon gets killed by a cab.

104
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:03,524
Barney still goes to the park every day
to feed the babies. The end.

105
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:06,522
Tell me the truth.

106
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:11,470
Okay. I tracked it down,
and I gave it to Barney to give to you.

107
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,296
Honestly, it was no big deal.

108
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,166
- How did you find it?
- Pshh.

109
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,898
How does anybody find anything?

110
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:19,303
<i>It might be in your pencil box. It's not.</i>

111
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,810
<i>You swing by your ex's storage locker</i>
<i>on the opposite coast. It's not there.</i>

112
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,346
<i>You learn Victoria has it.</i>

113
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:27,144
<i>Jeanette intercepts it,</i>
<i>throws it in Central Park Lake.</i>

114
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,548
<i>You dive in,</i>
<i>make it home in time for</i>Jeopardy!

115
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:32,349
Ease to the pease. Happy wedding.

116
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,821
You're seriously questioning
our wedding vows?

117
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,122
Us?

118
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:43,063
- Uh, we're adorable.
- We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch.

119
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:44,826
Okay. I'll give you this.

120
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:48,040
Your little prewedding wedding,
out by the tree?

121
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:52,142
<i>You said some very sweet stuff.</i>
<i>Hell, Ted even cried.</i>

122
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,007
Heh. Ted.

123
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,273
But later, at the actual wedding...

124
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:01,680
Lily Aldrin, I vow to be there for you
in sickness and in health.

125
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,388
Hate to tell you, Lilypad...

126
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:07,889
...but Marshall has since confessed to me
that en route to your honeymoon...

127
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,062
[LILY RETCHING]

128
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,189
[MARSHALL SNORES]

129
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,663
LILY & MARSHALL:
You son of a bitch.

130
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,164
Do you deny it?

131
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,569
You know I'm not a vomit guy.

132
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:23,435
I thought I should give you your space,
like a dying cat.

133
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:26,075
- Yeah, that saves it.
- I'm so sorry I let you down.

134
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,177
Hang on there, Marshmallow.

135
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:30,575
Remember when the blushing bride said:

136
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,217
I vow to honor and respect you.

137
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,081
Maybe she was blushing
because she was lying her ass off.

138
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,914
Not two months later...

139
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,624
Okay, okay.

140
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,486
Here we go.

141
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:43,962
Hey. Not cool.

142
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:47,427
You will not take a picture
of my husband like that.

143
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:50,968
[BARNEY & TED LAUGH]

144
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:55,463
You took part in the
Bearded Wonder Woman Incident of 2007?

145
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:58,938
Lily, that photo got all over Friendster
and MySpace and...

146
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:01,703
Man, 2007 was a long time ago.

147
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:06,013
I can't believe how much trouble
you went through to get this for me.

148
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,947
- It really wasn't that much trouble.
- Yes, it was.

149
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,819
You always go big for me.

150
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,655
Not as big as Barney.
Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice, big.

151
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:18,420
- The way he proposed, huge.
- Yeah, but think about it.

152
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,258
Those are the most loving things
Barney's done for me...

153
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,128
...and they're all based on lies.

154
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,935
- Right down to taking credit for this locket.
- That's not fair. I told Barney to.

155
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:32,110
Which he did without blinking an eye.
Because lying is second nature to Barney.

156
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,369
Everything's legendary.

157
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,274
You know what "legendary" means?
Not real.

158
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,541
I mean, the man's initials are "B.S."

159
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:42,446
Well, if it helps, I'm pretty sure
"Barney Stinson" is a fake name.

160
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,053
I'm kidding.

161
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,158
You're the one who always
comes through for me, Ted.

162
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,289
The one who's there for me.

163
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:53,765
Maybe I'm making a mistake.

164
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,500
Wait, what are you saying?

165
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,396
Maybe I should be marrying you.

166
00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,400
Wait. I know one vow we kept.

167
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:07,976
I vow to make you breakfast in bed
every Sunday morning.

168
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,579
Really? You still do that?

169
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,908
Absolutely.

170
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,683
[MARVIN CRYING]

171
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,411
MARSHALL:
Heads up!

172
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:20,687
Oh, no cream cheese?

173
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:29,697
Aw, you feed her like Sloth from <i>Goonies.</i>
So the magic's still there.

174
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,064
Well, here's one you definitely didn't keep.

175
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,035
I vow to keep the romantic spark alive.

176
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,244
And how is that going for you these days?

177
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,003
MARSHALL: Are you watching Marvin?
I'm trimming my nose hair.

178
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,510
LILY:
I'm dumping out.

179
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,309
MARSHALL:
I watched him all morning, Lily. I need a break.

180
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:50,886
LILY: I don't control when my deuces happen,
Marshall. Deuces are wild.

181
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,955
[BARNEY SNICKERING]

182
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,717
Ted...

183
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,189
...I should be with you.

184
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,589
TED:
<i>There it was.</i>

185
00:09:57,863 --> 00:10:01,230
<i>The words that some deep, dark part of me</i>
<i>always wanted to hear.</i>

186
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:04,959
<i>But it's funny, once you actually hear</i>
<i>those words out loud...</i>

187
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,637
- I don't wanna hear that.
- We should get out of here.

188
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:11,536
You and me, right now.
We'll move to Chicago. We'll start a new life.

189
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,245
It'll be painful,
but I can root for the Blackhawks.

190
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,608
Stop. Stop. You're just saying this
because you're scared.

191
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,249
I am not your future. Barney is.

192
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,080
Shouldn't I be with the guy
who finds me my locket?

193
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:25,654
The guy who steals me
the blue French horn?

194
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:30,553
I mean, look me in the eye and tell me,
why shouldn't I be with that guy?

195
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,599
Because I'm not that guy anymore.

196
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:37,166
Then why did you work so hard
to find me my locket?

197
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:38,869
It was a wedding gift.

198
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,300
Ted, stop it, okay?
I know you better than that.

199
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,805
- This is more than a wedding gift.
- Maybe it started out that way.

200
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:48,673
- Maybe some part of me thought...
- That you still loved me.

201
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,176
Maybe.

202
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:53,680
But the truth is,
I don't love you like that anymore.

203
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,286
And you don't love me. You love Barney.

204
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,953
And if you think I would ever be part
of screwing that up...

205
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,656
...then maybe you don't know me at all,
Robin.

206
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:06,954
[SIGHS]

207
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,155
I can't shake it.

208
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:13,133
I can't shake this feeling that nothing
about me and Barney makes any sense.

209
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,397
But love doesn't make sense.

210
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:18,432
You can't logic your way into or out of it.

211
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,307
Love is totally nonsensical,
but we have to keep doing it...

212
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:28,111
...or else we're lost and love is dead
and humanity should just pack it in.

213
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,447
Because love is the best thing we do.

214
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,792
Look, I know that sounds cheesy,
but it's just true.

215
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:39,191
You love Barney. And he loves you.

216
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,796
And that doesn't have to make sense...

217
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,433
...to make sense.

218
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:49,803
Remember back when
you'd never even seen me pee?

219
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,010
MARSHALL & BARNEY:
Yeah.

220
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:53,575
Oh, sorry.

221
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:56,508
- We were so innocent then.
- So many dreams.

222
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,980
- Trying to work over here.
- A bright, shimmering future ahead.

223
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,985
Now we're basically a couple
of wild animals grunting at each other...

224
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,659
...to throw some toilet paper
through the crack in the bathroom door.

225
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:13,028
Baby, let's be honest.
At this point, that door is wide-open.

226
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:17,594
Know what you should use next time
you run out of toilet paper? Your vows.

227
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,770
Because that's all your marriage has been.

228
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:23,668
One long six-year wipe
after that double-flusher of a wedding.

229
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,002
Stinson out.

230
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,006
- You okay?
- Yeah.

231
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,876
You're right. I'm being insane.

232
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:35,747
Oh, come on, Robin. That's accurate.

233
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:37,013
[CHUCKLES]

234
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:40,488
- We can't run away together.
- Heh. Of course not.

235
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:43,126
So I'm just gonna run away alone.

236
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:55,064
Oh, whoa!

237
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:58,072
TED:
<i>And that's how Robin met your mother.</i>

238
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,247
Wait, what are we doing here?

239
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:11,116
Lily, our wedding vows, maybe they were
just too perfect for real life.

240
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,289
Real life is messier than that.

241
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,825
And we're different people
than we were in 2007, but that's okay.

242
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,925
Maybe we just need some updated vows.

243
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,601
So I thought maybe
before this place gets too busy...

244
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,566
...we could borrow this altar for a minute.

245
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,474
Lily Aldrin...

246
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:35,841
...I vow to stop shouting stuff at you
when you're dumping out.

247
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:39,914
You're the love of my life,
and you deserve to make a deuce in peace.

248
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:45,315
I vow to stop pointing out every dog erection
when we walk through the park.

249
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,821
Even though they are incredibly
weird-Iooking.

250
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,425
Just don't point and scream,
"Maybe it's Maybelline."

251
00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:56,932
Marshall Eriksen, I vow to always tell you
when you have green stuff in your teeth.

252
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,796
You have green stuff in your teeth.

253
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,096
Oh.

254
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:05,767
I vow to always sit next to you and hug you
even if you're covered in vomit.

255
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,343
Whether it's yours or Marvin's...

256
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:13,779
...or in the case of what came to be known
as Spew Year's Eve 1998, my own. Sorry.

257
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,577
I vow to stop getting so angry...

258
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,221
- I thought of another one.
...when you interrupt me.

259
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,288
Mine was to interrupt you less,
so that's good.

260
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:27,728
I vow to finally stop petitioning
Paul McCartney...

261
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:33,734
...to let Weird Al record "Chicken Pot Pie"
to the tune of "Live and Let Die."

262
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,236
It's over. I'll let it go.

263
00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:42,511
I vow to cry less during this pregnancy.

264
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,114
I vow to cry less during this Vikings season.

265
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,808
Hmm, with that secondary,
I wouldn't make that promise.

266
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,246
I vow to keep at least 80 percent
of these vows.

267
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,888
That seems high.

268
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,257
Then I vow to keep updating them as we go.

269
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,496
Because one set of vows...

270
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:04,066
...it can't cover a lifetime of growing
and changing with you...

271
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,199
...of raising children with you...

272
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:12,643
...of falling more and more in love with you
every day, Lily Aldrin.

273
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:16,837
Which is what I vow to do
for the rest of my life.

274
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,950
Crap, I already broke my crying vow.

275
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,585
I'll forgive you.

276
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,360
I am so sorry. Are you okay?
That was totally my fault.

277
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,435
No, the bride is always right.
It was my fault. Are you okay?

278
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,263
I'm fine.

279
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,666
Are you sure?

280
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,543
Because you were sprinting from a church
in a wedding dress.

281
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,981
And as a kid,
I was a bit of a detective, heh, so...

282
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,079
Um...

283
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,185
To be honest, I'm wondering
if this whole getting-married thing...

284
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,619
...is something I can go through with.

285
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,420
Oh.

286
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,225
Wow.

287
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:10,233
That's it? Aren't you supposed
to talk me out of it?

288
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:13,101
Tell me it's just cold feet? I'm being crazy?

289
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:16,467
Okay. During that fall, we did get
to second base with each other...

290
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:20,075
...and we'll always share that,
but I don't really know you.

291
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,906
So here's all I'll say.

292
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,206
When I'm overwhelmed...

293
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:28,216
...I force myself to do one simple thing
before I have to make a decision.

294
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:32,720
Close my eyes and take three deep breaths.

295
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,119
- Three deep breaths?
- Mm-hm.

296
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,660
Sometimes even three deep breaths
can change everything.

297
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:02,844
Barney?

298
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:06,017
- Hey, I've been looking for you. You okay?
- Uh...

299
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:11,663
Yeah. I was just talking to the band
about the thing with the stuff.

300
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:13,125
What are those?

301
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,333
My vows.

302
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:20,334
I know it's bad luck to see the bride
before the ceremony, but I realized something.

303
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,336
Marshall and Lily have broken
most of their wedding vows...

304
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,702
...but they're still the best couple I know.

305
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:29,812
I think their biggest problem
was that Marshall didn't tell Lily the truth.

306
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,573
So...

307
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:36,913
I've decided to make only one vow to you...

308
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:41,091
...because it's the only one
that really counts.

309
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,192
Robin Scherbatsky...

310
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,421
...from this day forward...

311
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,866
...I am always gonna be honest with you.

312
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,702
Because I love you.

313
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,534
I'll see you up there.

314
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,265
Oh.

315
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,412
Ted got that locket for you.

316
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,113
He's the one you should thank.

317
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,917
Barney, wait.

318
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,563
[PACHELBEL'S "CANON IN D" PLAYING]

319
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:27,766
What is it?

320
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,635
The cornflower-blue tie.
That's the one I should be wearing.

321
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:35,778
It's by my bed back in Manhattan.
Stall for me. I'll be back in six hours, tops.

322
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,573
[BARNEY GRUNTS]

323
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:42,150
- That's all of them.
- Wow.

324
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:43,786
Wait.

325
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,582
I'm free. It's over.

326
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:49,885
The Slap Bet is finally over?

327
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,790
Yeah, it is, buddy.

328
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,156
Thank you.

329
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:01,104
This may sound crazy,
but I'm gonna miss that Slap Bet.

330
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,467
- No, you won't.
- No, you're right, I won't.

331
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:06,337
["SANDCASTLES IN THE SAND"
PLAYING ON PIANO]

332
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,659
- Hi.
- Hi.

333
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:33,098
- You've never looked more beautiful, Robin.
- Nobody asked you, Patrice.

334
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,338
By the way, in the interest of honesty...

335
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,839
...we really do have a ring-bear.
- What?

336
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,544
Oh. I love the ring-bear.

337
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:49,480
Then you are gonna love the flower gorilla.

338
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,417
- What?
- Kidding. I'm kidding, heh.

339
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:53,818
[MOUTHS]
<i>No gorilla.</i>

340
00:19:57,429 --> 00:20:01,195
<i>If I ever were to lose you</i>

341
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,666
TED:
<i>Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend.</i>

342
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,633
<i>More ups and downs than I can count.</i>

343
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:10,830
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

344
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,843
<i>I'm not found by myself</i>

345
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:19,309
TED: <i>It was a twisting, turning road</i>
<i>that led to the end of the aisle...</i>

346
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,850
<i>... and not everything along the way</i>
<i>was perfect.</i>

347
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:27,081
<i>To be honest, not everything to follow</i>
<i>would be perfect either.</i>

348
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:28,724
<i>But what is?</i>

349
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:34,357
<i>Here's the secret, kids.</i>
<i>None of us can vow to be perfect.</i>

350
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:40,095
<i>In the end, all we can do is promise</i>
<i>to love each other with everything we've got.</i>

351
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:43,206
<i>'Cause I can see</i>

352
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,035
<i>Our future days</i>

353
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,712
TED:
<i>Because love's the best thing we do.</i>

354
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,906
<i>Days of you and me</i>

355
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,684
<i>You and me</i>

356
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:56,877
TED:
<i>And on that lovely spring evening...</i>

357
00:20:57,122 --> 00:21:01,183
<i>... that's exactly what Barney and Robin</i>
<i>vowed to each other.</i>

358
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:04,418
<i>And it was legendary.</i>
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font></b>