1 00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:03,910 - Deep down you are still crazy about me. - No. I'm not. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,790 You know I love you both very much. 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,870 It's only your father I can't stand. 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,710 This marriage is officially over. 5 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,910 Look, Laura, Jamie isn't interested in you any more. He's moved on. 6 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,800 It's really over. 7 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,790 Oh! 8 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,830 Morning, handsome. Morning. 9 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,830 I made you breakfast. 10 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,190 Oh, thanks. It's... 11 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,430 It's you. It's a fried version of me. 12 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,230 You shouldn't have. 13 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,590 Oh, it's fine. I love having you here. 14 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,950 It definitely beats being in a caravan. 15 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,430 You know you can stay over even when we don't... 16 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,110 Oh, I hope you don't think that... Cos I'm not like that. 17 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,750 No, no. I'm just saying it's cool. 18 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,000 Oh, OK. Cool. 19 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,830 Mm. 20 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,510 So, what are we doing tonight? 21 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,550 I'm working late tonight then I'm looking after Emily for a couple of hours. 22 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,910 Emily again? 23 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,910 What? Is that not...? Oh, no, it's fine. 24 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,670 I just thought we might do something different. 25 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,630 We could go to yours. I'd love to meet your parents. 26 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,110 Maybe we can all have dinner or something? 27 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,710 Er, yeah, if you want to eat Super Noodles next to a chemical toilet. 28 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,510 There you go again, backing off. 29 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,840 What? I'm not. 30 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,670 I feel like you're tucking me away in a box separate from everything else in your life. 31 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,790 You're compartmentalising me. 32 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:57,710 I'm not. I don't compartmentalise. I don't even have a pants drawer. 33 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,950 You come here after work, I cook for you, 34 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,590 we have sex and then you leave again. 35 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,550 Sometimes I feel like you're only staying here because you hate the caravan so much. 36 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,880 Well, that's not true. 37 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,790 I mean, I do hate the caravan but... 38 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,030 Look, tomorrow I'll get the night off. 39 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,190 We'll go out on a proper date and we won't have any sex. 40 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,840 I promise. 41 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,760 OK. Good. 42 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,920 Now eat your face before it gets cold. 43 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:37,430 Women for women against poverty, AIDS and domestic abuse. 44 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,670 Ooh, catchy(!) 45 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,390 Um, Madam, hi. 46 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,920 Can I talk to you about female genital mutilation? No. 47 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,470 Yeah, that's right. Walk away. 48 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,990 Feminism has got you this far so just kick everyone else to the curb. 49 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,870 Beth, what are you doing? 50 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,910 Appealing to her conscience, not that she has one. 51 00:02:55,960 --> 00:03:00,670 I mean, it's such a nice day, why are you wasting your time collecting for the college charity? 52 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,030 I'm not wasting my time. What happened to social responsibility? 53 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,760 What these women really need is... 54 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,990 Is what? Wells and stuff. 55 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,430 Hey, you must be Beth. 56 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,910 Hi. I must be. Um, I am. 57 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,710 So I'm Ben, I'm coordinating the collection today. 58 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,030 Oh, OK, great. 59 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,150 It's nice to see you getting stuck in. 60 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,880 Yeah, well, thanks. I mean, I love women. 61 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,440 Not in that way. I mean, like, just poor ones. 62 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,950 Yeah, I love poor women too. 63 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,800 Yeah, I love women too. We all love women, so why don't you just...? 64 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,230 OK, great. So I think we've been stationed outside Marks & Spencer's. 65 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,510 OK, cool. Er, that wasn't my boyfriend. 66 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,950 No? Just in case you were wondering. 67 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,160 I wasn't. OK. 68 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,670 Mum! Bloody hell! 69 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,110 Well, it's lovely to see you too, darling. 70 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,590 You're back? Yes, of course I am. 71 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,270 I'm not going to let your father divorce me behind my back, am I? 72 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:12,070 Well, can I come in? Of course. But are you staying with me? 73 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,550 I thought it'd be fun. 74 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,310 It'll give me a chance to look after my little girl. 75 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,070 Here, take my bags. Oh, OK. 76 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,630 And you can put them... 77 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,790 Mm, put them in the bedroom. 78 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,000 And you can have this lovely big living room. 79 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,910 Thanks. 80 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,590 You know Nicola's single now? Nicola who? 81 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,520 Nicola Berry, my mate. 82 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,870 I was talking to her about your friend Mike 83 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,710 and I thought maybe we should bring them along tomorrow night, make it a double date. 84 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,150 Oh, no, no. She wouldn't like him. 85 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,240 Come on. I bet he's hot, clever, sophisticated. 86 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,510 Are you worried I might like him better than you? 87 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,830 Er, no, that's not it. 88 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,680 Because I only have eyes for you. 89 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,400 No, Isabel, seriously, it's a bad idea. 90 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:07,030 You know, you keep making excuses, Jamie. 91 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:11,630 Every time I try bringing us closer together, you keep pulling away. 92 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,680 That's not... I don't. 93 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,830 I just want to be part of your life, you know? 94 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,920 OK, fine. I'll bring Mike. Oh, yes! 95 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,590 Support women. Please, ladies, support all women. Um, sir? 96 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,070 Did you know that just a one-off donation could provide... 97 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:37,510 So you won't spend two quid on a refuge shelter but you'll waste three on a sausage roll? 98 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,470 Hi. Hey, Ben. Hey, Beth, how are you doing over here? 99 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:46,070 Yeah, really good. I'm loving it here. You know, on the front line, getting in their faces. 100 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,670 Yeah? Yeah. 101 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,950 I wonder if maybe we might need to tweak your technique a tiny bit? 102 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,520 You seem a bit tense and you're frowning a lot. 103 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,110 Aha! We just need a bit more positivity. 104 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,750 Yeah, absolutely. 105 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,190 And it's weird because I'm usually such a positive person, and fun. 106 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,190 But also very deep and passionate. I think it's because I care... 107 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:11,760 I'm going to get Lily to talk to you. She's one of our top fundraisers. You'll love her. Lily? 108 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,150 Hey, Benny. This is Beth. She's new. 109 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,750 She'd love you to give her a few pointers. (Please.) 110 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:24,120 Of course I can, Benny. Can you take my bucket? Of course. 111 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:26,880 Bye. 112 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,150 So the first thing to remember about fundraising is 113 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,630 people aren't interested in charity. They're interested in you. 114 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:42,550 So think of a fake compliment to hook them in, like, 115 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,520 "That is such a gorgeous sweater!" 116 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,630 We both know I'm lying but you're still listening. Right. 117 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,550 Also try, like, a half-smile 118 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,670 so it's clear you're sad for the orphans 119 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,230 but also experienced sexually. Does that actually work? 120 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,360 Oh, yeah, every time. 121 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,510 You're late. I'm two minutes late. She was napping. 122 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,710 Oh, great, so she won't sleep through tonight then. Thanks, Jamie. 123 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,280 You're welcome. 124 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,270 So you've got her from four tomorrow, right? 125 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,870 Actually I can't tomorrow. What are you doing? 126 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,430 Going out with Isabel. 127 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,150 Um, what am I supposed to tell our child? 128 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:29,110 "I'm sorry Daddy can't look after you. He's too busy having sex with his slut." 129 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,670 She's not a slut. She's an estate agent. 130 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,030 She can be both. And we need to talk about money. 131 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:40,030 What about money? You should be making a monthly maintenance payment. 132 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,590 Why would I need to do that? 133 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,470 Because tarty girlfriends are expensive 134 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,630 and I don't want you blowing all Emily's money on bimbo gifts. But... 135 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,840 I will draw up some figures and I will let you know what I expect. 136 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:02,230 Finally heard from Janet's lawyer. She's stalling on every detail. 137 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,230 It's like she's trying to eek it out to punish you. 138 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,840 Now where's my shoe? 139 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,150 Thanks. It must have been when I um... 140 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,200 Yeah. Impressive flexibility, by the way. 141 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:20,630 Maybe if I spoke to her direct it might speed things along a little? 142 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,030 I strongly discourage you from contacting her. 143 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,790 Perhaps if we gave a little ground, it might help us get this over and done with. 144 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,070 You know what she's like. You show any weakness 145 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,070 and she'll seize on it like a lion on a baby gazelle. 146 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,790 You must remember that from your marriage. 147 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,120 You have to trust your lawyer, Alan. Huh. 148 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:45,430 Right, 7:15. So what was that? About 40 minutes? 149 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,360 I'll round it up to the hour. 150 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,670 Sorry, are you charging me for this? 151 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:55,150 If I didn't charge you, people would get suspicious and I don't want to look unprofessional. 152 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,270 But the full hour? It wasn't my choice to stop when we did. 153 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,350 I would have been very happy to carry on for another 20 minutes. 154 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,830 So would I but then you did that thing with your flexibility. 155 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,950 Very tough negotiator, aren't you? 156 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,590 That's what you pay me for. 157 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,200 Now get out of here before I tip you into the next hour. 158 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,120 Hm. 159 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,030 So, um, on the house contents issue. 160 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,960 I've got a list. It's not in here. 161 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,470 It was in here. Never mind that. 162 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:34,550 Did you lodge my request for a more specific breakdown of Alan's finances? 163 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,070 Yes. And they didn't feel that it was appropriate. 164 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,310 I know you need the money, but I just don't think it's worth 165 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,710 the heartache for the difference it'll make to the settlement. 166 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,670 And that's your professional opinion, is it? 167 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,470 I've found that drawn-out entrenched negotiations 168 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,510 don't generally benefit the client. 169 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:56,360 Perhaps that's because you're the one who's been carrying out these negotiations. 170 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,990 Speaking just as a human and not as a lawyer, 171 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,630 why spend all that time stuck in a room with someone you can't stand? 172 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,230 Wouldn't it be better to just give some ground and get it over with? 173 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,870 No. Mustn't show any weakness. 174 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,880 And from now on, please don't try speaking to me as a human again. 175 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,710 How's the sexual exploitation of women going? Awful. 176 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,430 BUCKET RATTLES 177 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,830 And that's not even money, that's a breath mint. 178 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,630 Oh, Beth, just forget it. Why don't you come back to mine? 179 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,310 I've got FIFA 13 and some scotch eggs. 180 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,030 We could microwave them, make it a bit exotic. Mmm. 181 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,710 Wow. And no. 182 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,350 Oh. I can't give up. Not until I've beaten Lily. 183 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,470 It's so unfair. 184 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,790 I care so much more than she does but she's making all the money. 185 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,950 You know she pole danced on the fourth plinth for Women's Aid? 186 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,910 Well, you could do that. You've just got to work on your core muscles. 187 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,430 Not my point. Hey, Beth. Hey. 188 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,710 Glad you had that chat with Lily. God, she's great, isn't she? 189 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:06,510 Charming, friendly, charismatic. 190 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,510 Bendy. 191 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,110 Yeah, she's great. 192 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,550 And she's put herself up for the slave auction tomorrow. 193 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,590 I've never met anyone so selflessly generous. 194 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,550 What is it? What's the thing? 195 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,110 It's at college. Highest bidder wins a date. 196 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,710 You have to be their slave for the evening. 197 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,590 Lily is going to make a mint. 198 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,830 I'll do it. Really? 199 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:31,350 Yeah, I'll do anything to end the sexual exploitation of women. Anything. 200 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,590 Yeah, OK, sure. 201 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:37,830 Yeah, we've got to consider a wide range of budgets. 202 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,550 Yeah, the more the merrier. 203 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,710 Hm, so you're going to stop the sexual exploitation of woman 204 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,430 by literally selling yourself to the highest bidder? 205 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,430 I'm aware of the irony. 206 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,230 Look, Beth, it's my duty as man friend, 207 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,910 to point out that Ben might have other motives. 208 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,630 I mean, what if he's trying to lure you there to take advantage of you sexually? 209 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,400 Do you think he might? 210 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:05,710 So is there no room for movement here? 211 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,630 Well, I am prepared to consider... Absolutely none. 212 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:13,110 And I'm amazed you think you're in any position to negotiate. 213 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:17,510 Your client abandoned her husband while he was still recovering from a serious head injury. 214 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:18,910 He was better. 215 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,030 She packed her bags, hopped on a plane, 216 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,670 and shortly after landing began an extramarital affair. 217 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,190 Well, that's something of a mischaracterisation. 218 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,470 No, that's a list of facts. 219 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,830 Be that as it may, we really must insist on 220 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:35,350 at least the early liquidation of the shared assets. Why? 221 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,910 If my client is to re-establish her base over here she'll need funds. 222 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,470 So you're coming back? I may be considering it. 223 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,630 Your client's housing crisis is not our problem. 224 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,870 Yes, it is. I do not have a housing crisis. 225 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:53,280 Not that she has a housing crisis. Then why does she need the funds? 226 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,430 She doesn't. 227 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,800 Then what's the problem? 228 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,030 I'm sorry, Hugh, were you not in the same room? 229 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,750 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 230 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,390 Because to me it seemed like a bloody disaster. Sh! 231 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,910 What's the matter? I'm trying to get Emily off to sleep. 232 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,840 I have to go. 233 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,270 Is it really worth all this, Mum? 234 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,390 Absolutely. These are the final exchanges of our marriage 235 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,910 and I'm damned if I'm going to lose at the last moment. 236 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,550 Oh, didn't realise marriage was something you won or lost. 237 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,040 Well, that's because you've never been married. 238 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,190 Anyway, I thought it was Jamie's night? 239 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,990 Oh, yeah, it is but he's seeing his girlfriend. 240 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,430 You see, that is exactly the problem. 241 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,390 We are stuck here holding the baby 242 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,790 while Jamie and your father are out having sex. 243 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,470 I for one don't intend to let them get away with it. 244 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,160 I can't believe that you are. 245 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,230 I don't want to do it. 246 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,360 All right, seriously, I need this double date to go well. 247 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,430 What's the matter with you? I'm having woman pains. 248 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,590 I don't think that means what you think it means. 249 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,470 What is it? 250 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,470 It's Beth. What about Beth? 251 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,550 She's been fawning over this stupid guy 252 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,470 and it's disgusting what I have to put up with. 253 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,190 OK, can you just make an effort for me? 254 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,830 He's not even that good looking 255 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,430 and she thinks he's this deep charity guy but he's just a dick. 256 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:34,030 Not that I care, obviously. I mean, she can do what she wants. 257 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,510 That's the spirit. My advice is to just move on. 258 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,960 Oh, and if you could move on in the next five minutes, you'd do me a real favour. 259 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,720 Hiya. Hiya. 260 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,630 Looks like they're really hitting it off. Does it? Yeah. 261 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,030 Think you might have to thank me in the best man speech. 262 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,750 And do you know what is disgusting? 263 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,710 When women degrade themselves for men. Absolutely. 264 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,070 When they change their entire persona just to please someone else. 265 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,670 God, why aren't more men like you? 266 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,110 Like, sometimes, I want to be appreciated for my brains 267 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,950 not just for looking hot. 268 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,830 Hey, listen. I don't even care how hot you are. 269 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,590 Oh, my God. 270 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,960 Isabel? Um, I'm just... 271 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,110 So? Seems to be going very well, doesn't it? 272 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,310 Do you think you'll get another date out of it? 273 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,190 Don't know. Don't really care. 274 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,750 What? Why? She's hot. 275 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,390 Is she? I didn't notice. 276 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,680 Can't remember what her face looks like. Can't even remember her boobs. 277 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,110 Seriously, what's wrong with you? I don't know. 278 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,160 It's just I'm not bothered about seeing her again. I don't... 279 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,080 I don't fancy her, Jamie. 280 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,120 Bye, Nicola. Bye. 281 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,710 Such a shame Mike couldn't come back. They were really hitting it off. 282 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,430 Yeah, pity. 283 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,590 She really wants another date. Isn't that great? 284 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,590 Your friends, my friends, getting friendly. 285 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,670 Yeah. Are you sure she's just not being nice? 286 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,310 For God's sake, Jamie, what's your problem? 287 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,190 Don't you want our friends to get on? No. Yes! 288 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:32,990 Look, to be honest, when I talked to Mike he just didn't seem to fancy her. 289 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,430 What do you mean he didn't fancy her? Nicola's easily an eight. 290 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:37,990 She's a nine in some places. 291 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,870 Whereas Mike's, like, a drunk four. 292 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,830 I don't know what it is. 293 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,230 But they were getting on before you talked to him. 294 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,000 What did you say to him? Nothing. 295 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,950 I can't believe you'd sabotage this. I didn't. 296 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,310 All I want is for you to give this relationship a chance. 297 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,190 But no. You don't even value me at all, do you? 298 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,720 Why don't you love me? 299 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,510 So I asked around and apparently the affair ended very messily. 300 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,950 So it's definitely over then, is it? 301 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,510 Yes. She's broke and getting desperate. 302 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,000 Poor Janet. Yeah, poor Janet(!) 303 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,040 We're going to grill the bitch. Cheers. 304 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,960 Morning, handsome. Morning. 305 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,190 I'm really sorry about last night. 306 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,960 I'm not usually this insecure. I just really like you. 307 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:57,710 Forgive me? I could make it up to you tonight. 308 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:01,390 I could do that thing you like where I... No. 309 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,430 I'm looking after Emily this evening. I switched nights, remember? 310 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,350 Maybe you could bring her here. 311 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,030 We could have a quiet night in, just the three of us. 312 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,990 You want to spend the night babysitting? 313 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,680 She's an important part of your life and I want to get to know her. 314 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,630 OK. That's nice, I guess. 315 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,390 Yeah. 316 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,990 And I promise I won't pin her in a corner and scream at her. 317 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,640 OK. 318 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,120 Heart. 319 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,670 So just to check, you're not going to agree to point five? No. 320 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,830 We're not agreeing to any point. 321 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,030 And point five would be one of those. 322 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,310 Well, I don't think that's going to be acceptable to my client. 323 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,990 Right, Janet? 324 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:54,200 Well, Hugh, your client isn't exactly on the moral or legal high ground here. 325 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,590 We know that she's been personally and professionally humiliated 326 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:02,240 and clearly doesn't even have the funds to afford decent council. 327 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,200 Why prolong her misery? 328 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,430 Yes, all right, Sally. That's enough, thank you. 329 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,190 We agree to all Janet's demands. 330 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,910 No, we don't. Alan, I advise you to just... 331 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,360 Yes, thank you for your advice. We're done here now. 332 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,320 Fine. I'll have the papers drawn up for signature. 333 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,190 Well, that went pretty well, I think. 334 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,480 Really pulled it round there at the end. 335 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,830 What? Nice to see you too. It's my night, remember? 336 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,750 Oh, right, yeah. 337 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,910 We're going to Aunty Isabel's, aren't we? 338 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,710 Oh, no, you're not. 339 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,630 Yes, we are. Aunty Isabel wants to see you. 340 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,990 Isn't that exciting? No. 341 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,150 I'm not happy with Emily spending time with Isabel. 342 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:08,510 She doesn't need some strange woman waltzing into her life. 343 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,510 In fact, I hereby ban you from seeing them together. 344 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,030 You can't ban me. Yes, I can. I just did. 345 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,920 Laura! 346 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,630 Alan? Alan I er... 347 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:29,070 I just wanted to thank you for taking the higher ground. 348 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,160 Not a place I'm used to. 349 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,790 Your lawyer didn't seem very pleased. She'll get over it. 350 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,430 You see, Alan, the affair... 351 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,790 Well, I don't want to say that we're even 352 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:47,190 but for what it's worth, I forgive you. 353 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,160 And I hope that eventually you'll be able to forgive me too. 354 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,360 Seems like a fair settlement. 355 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:22,190 And she is sold for £65 to the gentleman in denim. 356 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,870 APPLAUSE 357 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,150 Oh God, this was a mistake. 358 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,990 Don't worry. You look totally affordable. 359 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,550 Next up we have tonight's big draw. 360 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,190 Everyone put your hands together for Lily. 361 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,400 THEY CHEER 362 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,950 So, Lily, tell us a little bit about yourself. 363 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,310 Well, a few fun reasons you should bid on me tonight. 364 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:51,310 First of all, I am a fully qualified masseuse. 365 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,070 WHOOPING 366 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:57,750 I nearly represented the US in the 2012 Olympics 367 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,710 as a member of the rhythmic gymnastics squad, 368 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:06,120 but had to drop out as my moves were considered too distractingly sexual. 369 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,640 And a fun fact about me is that I reject the social convention of underwear. 370 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,470 So, who'll start the bidding on Lily? 371 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,670 £20. 30. 50. 50? 372 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:27,350 80. I have 80. 90. 100! 373 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,390 £100. Oh, I can't let you go for that. 374 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,200 150. Sold! To me. 375 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,400 Oh, and also Beth. 376 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,120 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 377 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,630 Um, hello. 378 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,560 MICROPHONE WHISTLES 379 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,160 My name is Beth. 380 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,240 I'm passionate about helping people less fortunate than myself... 381 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:12,840 ..by providing them with the tools they need to make an effective change. 382 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,960 Um, microfinancing... 383 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,960 So who will start the bidding on this young lady? 384 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,990 Remember, she comes with a drinks voucher worth £10. 385 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,590 £5. 386 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,280 £5. Any advance on five? 387 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,160 Right, £5, anyone? 388 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,790 All right, every little helps. I'm selling her at five. 389 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,800 600! 390 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,880 Sold to that guy. Congratulations. 391 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,830 I'm sorry, Beth, I couldn't bear to stay at home 392 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,790 while these animals scrabbled around, 393 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:05,950 fighting over your body like you're just a sexy piece of... ham. 394 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,350 Mike... No, Beth, no. 395 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,110 You deserve someone who's going to appreciate you for who you really are, 396 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,240 not when you're pretending to be someone fun or charismatic or nice. 397 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,080 I mean when you're being yourself. 398 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,840 I just want to give you a really special evening, Beth. 399 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,120 Even if it's just as friends. 400 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,230 Now, come on. Let's get you out of here. 401 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,800 I am going to buy you a bucket of boneless chicken. 402 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,360 Don't applaud. 403 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,680 I don't want your pity. 404 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,880 Stand aside. 405 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,110 Where are you going to find that kind of cash? 406 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,870 Well, I thought we could go halvsies. No way! 407 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:14,430 What? Come on, I thought modern women were all about splitting the bill. 408 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,550 There's got to be some advantages to feminism. 409 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,560 God, my arms are killing. Have you put on weight? 410 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,230 Ow! 411 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,710 Bloody walk yourself. 412 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,240 SHE GIGGLES 413 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,480 What is this? Surprise! 414 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,830 Wow! This is really... 415 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,350 Magical, isn't it? Yeah. 416 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,910 So, welcome, fair knight. 417 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,560 Oh, OK. 418 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,680 This is for you. Oh. 419 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:24,430 It's for a 12-year-old but I thought you could leave the Velcro open. 420 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,630 So where's Emily? 421 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:32,560 Hm? Oh, Emily? Yeah, she couldn't make it. 422 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,360 What do you mean she couldn't make it? 423 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,750 Oh, I'm sorry. But hey, I'm free this evening 424 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:46,030 so why don't we go somewhere a little less enchanted grotto-y? 425 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,710 Maybe go out somewhere? 426 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,470 Dressed like this? Are you mentally ill? 427 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,710 No. You could change. 428 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,720 Ugh! I don't want to. 429 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,550 I'm trying to make a genuine connection with you 430 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,870 and you're just crapping all over my enchanted picnic. I'm not. 431 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,310 Look, Isabel, it's all Laura's fault. She said... 432 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,550 Oh, it's always someone else's fault. 433 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,630 How much of an idiot do you think I am, Jamie? 434 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:19,520 I don't think you're an idiot. And this picnic's lovely. Although... 435 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,270 Shouldn't they really be dwarves? What? 436 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,150 Well, it's just that princesses don't really go with teddy bears. 437 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,630 I mean, if you were Goldilocks and there were fewer bears... 438 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:38,030 Oh, I'm sorry. Is my picnic not factually accurate enough for you? 439 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,310 I only spent the last nine and a half hours putting this together. 440 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,070 But yeah, you're right! It's not good enough. 441 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,110 I tell you what? Why don't I get rid of some of these bears for a start? 442 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,430 Ow. OK. Isabel don't take it out on the other guests. 443 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,390 Oh, and we won't need all these cupcakes, will we? 444 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:58,150 No, no, no. Ow! OK. Those cupcakes are hard. Ow! 445 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,910 Oh, so I can't even bake now? 446 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,520 No, no, they're light as air. Light as air. Look, light as air. 447 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,830 Ah! There she is! 448 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,870 Jeez, Evelyn, what are you doing here? 449 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,670 I thought I'd surprise you what with it being Emily's birthday party and all. 450 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,670 Jamie, you're such a nice guy. Oh, yeah, that's me. 451 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,310 I'm not just going to ditch her. 452 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:25,110 Well, you say it's not her, it's you. You've changed. Yes. 453 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:29,680 More specifically, you've changed into someone who can't stand the sight of her.