1
00:00:03,851 --> 00:00:06,253
Hey. They got a new kind of grape.
2
00:00:06,287 --> 00:00:08,855
Says it tastes just like cotton candy.
3
00:00:10,892 --> 00:00:12,759
Mmm!
4
00:00:12,794 --> 00:00:15,328
That would make a fantastic wine.
5
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,197
Kids would love it.
6
00:00:17,231 --> 00:00:18,098
Hey, Virginia.
7
00:00:18,132 --> 00:00:19,433
I don't want to ruin your day,
8
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:21,268
but your dad's back in town.
9
00:00:21,302 --> 00:00:23,270
What? Ugh! That sucks.
10
00:00:23,304 --> 00:00:25,539
And I was so excited about the grape thing.
11
00:00:25,573 --> 00:00:27,874
Life's a roller coaster.
12
00:00:27,909 --> 00:00:29,543
JIMMY: Recently, Mom found
out that her dad took off
13
00:00:29,577 --> 00:00:31,545
when she was little,
because he was a gay man
14
00:00:31,579 --> 00:00:33,880
living in a small-minded town.
15
00:00:33,915 --> 00:00:37,284
She also learned he had
secretly watched her grow up.
16
00:00:37,318 --> 00:00:37,753
Daddy!
17
00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:40,580
But after reuniting, she found
out something else about him:
18
00:00:40,588 --> 00:00:42,289
he's a jerk.
19
00:00:42,323 --> 00:00:44,791
Forgive me for trying to
raise you to a higher level.
20
00:00:44,826 --> 00:00:46,026
I think you should leave.
21
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:47,461
Good-bye forever.
22
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:48,995
And since that day,
23
00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:51,298
my mom's wanted nothing to do with him.
24
00:00:51,332 --> 00:00:52,999
He's been in here all morning
doing dramatic readings
25
00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,668
of the Father's Day cards.
26
00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:57,537
"Have an udder-ly fabulous Father's Day."
27
00:00:57,572 --> 00:00:58,905
And then, see,
28
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:01,041
it has a picture of the aforementioned cow.
29
00:01:01,075 --> 00:01:02,142
Can you see that?
30
00:01:02,176 --> 00:01:03,910
And then, look what he's doing.
31
00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:06,046
He's playing... he's playing
ball with a smaller cow.
32
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,848
Touching, right?
33
00:01:07,882 --> 00:01:09,583
Well, he should read the sympathy cards
34
00:01:09,617 --> 00:01:11,752
because our relationship is dead.
35
00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:13,487
- Maybe we should talk to him.
- (groans)
36
00:01:13,521 --> 00:01:15,322
We know what it's like to
have an ungrateful child.
37
00:01:15,356 --> 00:01:16,990
And an uncoordinated child.
38
00:01:17,024 --> 00:01:19,693
And an underachieving
child. But we stuck around.
39
00:01:19,727 --> 00:01:21,528
Hey, Mom. I'm right here.
40
00:01:21,562 --> 00:01:23,230
And a child with an annoying voice.
41
00:01:23,264 --> 00:01:24,698
BARNEY (over P.A.):
Attention, howdy's shoppers,
42
00:01:24,732 --> 00:01:26,233
I have two announcements.
43
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:28,535
One, I have a lost daddy up here
44
00:01:28,569 --> 00:01:30,337
looking for his family.
45
00:01:30,371 --> 00:01:34,074
And, two, I need a price check
on how to forgive your father.
46
00:01:34,108 --> 00:01:36,076
Forget it! I already forgave him once
47
00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:38,245
and he burned all of us. We don't need him.
48
00:01:38,279 --> 00:01:40,047
Love your dad.
49
00:01:40,081 --> 00:01:41,715
Love your dad.
50
00:01:41,749 --> 00:01:43,950
Love your dad.
51
00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:45,852
PATRONS: Love your dad.
52
00:01:45,887 --> 00:01:49,723
ALL (chanting): Love
your dad. Love your dad.
53
00:01:49,757 --> 00:01:51,224
Love your dad.
54
00:01:51,259 --> 00:01:52,893
All right, fine!
55
00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:54,628
I'll talk to him.
56
00:01:54,662 --> 00:01:56,797
- Yes!
- (applause)
57
00:01:56,831 --> 00:01:58,598
Got your price check, Barney.
58
00:01:58,633 --> 00:02:01,068
How to Forgive Your
Father by Deborah Hitler.
59
00:02:01,102 --> 00:02:03,570
It's on sale for $7.99.
60
00:02:04,572 --> 00:02:06,473
Whoo!
61
00:02:06,507 --> 00:02:07,908
♪ Here we go ♪
62
00:02:07,942 --> 00:02:11,278
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
63
00:02:11,312 --> 00:02:13,313
(chanting softly)
64
00:02:16,918 --> 00:02:18,919
(chanting)
65
00:02:20,955 --> 00:02:23,390
Ethnomusicologists sure
know how to apologize.
66
00:02:23,424 --> 00:02:24,925
I'm sorry. It's this way.
67
00:02:24,959 --> 00:02:27,427
(chanting)
68
00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:32,733
This is called the Toltec Apology Dance.
69
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,835
What I'm trying to do
in these moves, you see,
70
00:02:34,869 --> 00:02:35,936
this is change.
71
00:02:35,970 --> 00:02:38,739
I'm changing.
72
00:02:38,773 --> 00:02:40,073
And this is love.
73
00:02:40,108 --> 00:02:41,575
I'm in love.
74
00:02:41,609 --> 00:02:43,110
Right. With yourself.
75
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,311
'Cause you're a "narpolist..."
76
00:02:44,345 --> 00:02:45,278
narcolippt...
77
00:02:45,313 --> 00:02:46,146
nars...
78
00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:48,148
Narcissist, Jimmy. (groans)
79
00:02:48,182 --> 00:02:50,851
I hate it when people try to
use words they can't pronounce.
80
00:02:50,885 --> 00:02:51,918
I've met someone.
81
00:02:51,953 --> 00:02:55,288
I've met someone even
more special than myself.
82
00:02:55,323 --> 00:02:57,758
His name is Oliver and we're
gonna get married and I want...
83
00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,760
I want you very much, all of you,
84
00:02:59,794 --> 00:03:02,696
to attend, especially since I
told him I'm gonna have a big
85
00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:05,766
hometown wedding and that you...
you are actually planning it.
86
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:06,800
What?
87
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:07,801
Well, I... I don't know
88
00:03:07,835 --> 00:03:08,869
how to plan a wedding.
89
00:03:08,903 --> 00:03:10,470
I never thought I'd need to.
90
00:03:10,505 --> 00:03:12,606
The Supreme Court really screwed me.
91
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,809
Sorry, but there is nothing in this world
92
00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:17,811
that could get me to do that.
93
00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:20,147
How 'bout if I were to pay
for Hope's college education?
94
00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:21,782
Nice try.
95
00:03:21,816 --> 00:03:23,350
Still no.
96
00:03:23,384 --> 00:03:27,187
Would you excuse us for a moment?
97
00:03:27,221 --> 00:03:28,855
Come on, Mom.
98
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:30,791
This could change Hope's future.
99
00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:32,459
They make a good point, Virginia.
100
00:03:32,493 --> 00:03:33,827
Let's go tell Arnold we're in.
101
00:03:33,861 --> 00:03:35,362
No way. He's just trying to manipulate us
102
00:03:35,396 --> 00:03:36,997
into getting something he wants.
103
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:38,532
You can't argue with that, Jimmy.
104
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,967
Your mom knows her absent
father as well as any of us.
105
00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:42,369
We're not doing this. Case closed.
106
00:03:42,403 --> 00:03:44,037
Hope needs to go to
college. Look, she needs
107
00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:47,174
to expand her horizons and
start thinking for herself
108
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:48,675
and not just become somebody who agrees
109
00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:50,010
with the last thing she heard.
110
00:03:50,044 --> 00:03:51,211
Sabrina's right.
111
00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:52,846
Hope should learn to think for herself,
112
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:53,981
not just become someone who agrees
113
00:03:54,015 --> 00:03:55,182
with the last thing she heard.
114
00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:56,383
MAW MAW: Arnold... (racks shotgun)
115
00:03:56,417 --> 00:03:58,385
get the hell off my lawn!
116
00:03:58,419 --> 00:04:00,387
Maw Maw, put the gun down.
117
00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:01,555
Don't worry, Arnold.
118
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:02,823
We had the firing pin removed after
119
00:04:02,857 --> 00:04:04,992
the piñata incident at
Hope's birthday party.
120
00:04:05,026 --> 00:04:06,360
Got my eyes on you, mister.
121
00:04:06,394 --> 00:04:07,394
Everything is
122
00:04:07,428 --> 00:04:08,395
milky and blurred,
123
00:04:08,429 --> 00:04:10,397
but I can make out shapes,
124
00:04:10,431 --> 00:04:12,399
and yours is shifty.
125
00:04:12,433 --> 00:04:15,035
I agree. And as much as I'd
like to believe that he'll pay
126
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:17,671
for Hope's college, I kind of
wish we'd let Maw Maw shoot him.
127
00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:18,739
You know, I'm serious about this,
128
00:04:18,773 --> 00:04:20,073
and I'll put it in writing.
129
00:04:20,108 --> 00:04:21,375
You know a good lawyer?
130
00:04:21,409 --> 00:04:22,509
We know a lawyer.
131
00:04:22,543 --> 00:04:24,845
And that's how I got the nickname
132
00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:27,214
Wally "Chocolate Thunder" Phipps.
133
00:04:27,248 --> 00:04:28,582
JIMMY: Well, thanks
again for coming straight
134
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,685
from your basketball game to
write up this contract, Wally.
135
00:04:31,719 --> 00:04:32,853
Luckily for you,
136
00:04:32,887 --> 00:04:34,788
I always keep a boilerplate
137
00:04:34,822 --> 00:04:38,225
marine vessel purchase
contract in my gym bag.
138
00:04:38,259 --> 00:04:40,894
So, we plan a great wedding for him
139
00:04:40,929 --> 00:04:43,230
- and he pays for Hope's college.
- Yep.
140
00:04:43,264 --> 00:04:45,399
You'll see in paragraph 12,
141
00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:49,803
right after the section
on international waters,
142
00:04:49,837 --> 00:04:53,073
the provision clearly states...
143
00:04:53,107 --> 00:04:54,541
Damn!
144
00:04:54,575 --> 00:04:56,143
I gotta get the prescription
145
00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:58,078
- on these rec specs checked.
- Uh...
146
00:04:58,112 --> 00:05:01,048
"All parties agree that if said
wedding should prove seaworthy
147
00:05:01,082 --> 00:05:03,383
and payment is not made, party A
148
00:05:03,418 --> 00:05:05,252
will surrender his deed to his fabulous
149
00:05:05,286 --> 00:05:07,888
Sedona condominium to party B
150
00:05:07,922 --> 00:05:10,557
to cover college expenses
and docking fees."
151
00:05:10,591 --> 00:05:12,559
Ironclad.
152
00:05:12,594 --> 00:05:14,161
This is amazing.
153
00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,463
Hope's gonna be the first
Chance to go to college.
154
00:05:16,497 --> 00:05:18,899
Yeah. And she'll have the
money to afford a good one, too.
155
00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:20,434
Nothing with the words "Tech," "State"
156
00:05:20,468 --> 00:05:22,169
or "Arizona" in the name.
157
00:05:22,203 --> 00:05:24,271
All right. We got to get going.
We have a wedding in three days.
158
00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:26,907
- Three days?
- What? We can't plan this in three days.
159
00:05:26,941 --> 00:05:28,175
Well, you're gonna have to.
160
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:29,843
Oliver's gonna be here in three days.
161
00:05:29,877 --> 00:05:31,478
Wait, where does it say that?
162
00:05:31,512 --> 00:05:33,747
What did you think it
meant when you agreed that
163
00:05:33,781 --> 00:05:38,185
"transaction must be completed
in less than 96 bells"?
164
00:05:40,154 --> 00:05:42,956
You people either need to
brush up on your maritime law
165
00:05:42,991 --> 00:05:45,125
or find a real lawyer.
166
00:05:49,556 --> 00:05:51,290
Ugh. Where the hell is it?
167
00:05:51,324 --> 00:05:53,926
This is terrible. Hope's
never gonna go to college.
168
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,262
We don't know anything
about planning a wedding.
169
00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:57,963
Oh, I can pull off a wedding.
170
00:05:57,998 --> 00:06:00,099
I've been planning this
since I was a little girl.
171
00:06:00,133 --> 00:06:01,534
You've been planning your
estranged gay father's
172
00:06:01,568 --> 00:06:03,335
backyard wedding since
you were a little girl?
173
00:06:03,370 --> 00:06:06,672
No. I've been planning a
wedding fit for a princess,
174
00:06:06,706 --> 00:06:08,507
which is close enough.
175
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:12,478
Wow. Wedding Extravaganza Dream Book.
176
00:06:14,915 --> 00:06:16,882
We got three days, Arnold's credit card
177
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:19,051
and a dream wedding planned
by an eight-year-old.
178
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:21,253
What could possibly go wrong?
179
00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:26,225
(bell dings)
180
00:06:27,661 --> 00:06:29,628
I've come here because I've heard
181
00:06:29,663 --> 00:06:31,997
you are a professional stalker.
182
00:06:32,032 --> 00:06:34,333
I said I'm a professional stocker.
183
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:36,468
As in, I stock shelves.
184
00:06:36,503 --> 00:06:38,003
Also,
185
00:06:38,038 --> 00:06:41,974
I do spy on people so... continue.
186
00:06:42,008 --> 00:06:44,810
Arnold, Virginia's dad, is up to no good,
187
00:06:44,845 --> 00:06:49,481
and it's up to us to expose
him before it's too late.
188
00:06:49,516 --> 00:06:50,683
I'm in, Barbara June,
189
00:06:50,717 --> 00:06:52,051
mostly 'cause I want an answer
190
00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:55,955
to the "will they or won't
they" that is our relationship.
191
00:07:00,227 --> 00:07:01,927
JIMMY: With only three
days until Oliver arrived,
192
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:04,396
the Wedding Extravaganza
Dream Book that Mom made
193
00:07:04,431 --> 00:07:07,199
as a little girl was going to
be Hope's ticket to college.
194
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:09,502
(groans) You guys.
195
00:07:09,536 --> 00:07:12,605
You just find a dead possum
in here, you don't pick it up?
196
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:14,206
Come on!
197
00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:17,409
- (possum chattering)
- Oh, God. Not dead. Not dead!
198
00:07:17,444 --> 00:07:19,712
That's fantastic. You have amazing taste.
199
00:07:19,746 --> 00:07:21,213
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
200
00:07:21,248 --> 00:07:23,215
I was worried you'd think it was tacky.
201
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:24,783
How you gonna get Kenny Loggins?
202
00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:26,685
Oh, we won't. But luckily Natesville has
203
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,921
the most Kenny Loggins
impersonators per capita
204
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:30,222
of any other 27-square-mile
205
00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:32,525
unincorporated township in America.
206
00:07:32,559 --> 00:07:34,560
(Kenny Loggins' "Footloose" begins)
207
00:07:41,568 --> 00:07:43,802
We've been slacking off for four years,
208
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:45,471
but now that we know you're gonna
have the money to get to college,
209
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:48,541
it's time for all of us to get serious.
210
00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:50,910
Let's get you up to your college height.
211
00:07:54,581 --> 00:07:56,182
Shoot.
212
00:07:57,284 --> 00:07:59,985
♪ Been working so hard ♪
213
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,121
♪ I'm punching my card ♪
214
00:08:02,155 --> 00:08:04,223
♪ Eight hours ♪
215
00:08:04,257 --> 00:08:05,991
Okay. Hold real still.
216
00:08:07,494 --> 00:08:08,761
Smile.
217
00:08:08,795 --> 00:08:11,931
Congratulations, Claudia Rosenbaum.
218
00:08:11,965 --> 00:08:14,266
♪ Holding me down ♪
219
00:08:17,304 --> 00:08:18,737
Is this really necessary?
220
00:08:18,772 --> 00:08:20,906
We have to make sure it's safe
for the guests at the wedding.
221
00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:21,941
What if it's not?
222
00:08:21,975 --> 00:08:24,443
Then we'll know.
223
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:30,916
♪ Tonight I got to cut loose ♪
224
00:08:30,951 --> 00:08:32,485
♪ Footloose ♪
225
00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:34,353
The key to surviving a college food fight
226
00:08:34,387 --> 00:08:36,622
is to have ammo that
can't be thrown back at you
227
00:08:36,656 --> 00:08:38,424
and good aim.
228
00:08:38,458 --> 00:08:40,459
Here we go.
229
00:08:42,963 --> 00:08:44,330
Pretty good.
230
00:08:44,364 --> 00:08:47,666
Got to get a little windup in, like this.
231
00:08:48,969 --> 00:08:50,136
Fling it.
232
00:08:51,905 --> 00:08:53,472
Yeah!
233
00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:55,574
Backhand.
234
00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,512
♪ Jack, turnin' it loose ♪
235
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:01,280
♪ Footloose ♪
236
00:09:01,314 --> 00:09:03,849
♪ Get out your Sunday shoes ♪
237
00:09:03,884 --> 00:09:06,685
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
238
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,688
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
239
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,457
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
240
00:09:11,491 --> 00:09:15,361
* Everybody *
* Everybody cut footloose. *
241
00:09:21,568 --> 00:09:23,536
Thank you.
242
00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:26,005
What is this?
243
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:27,072
Oh, this.
244
00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:28,808
This is Oliver's harp.
245
00:09:28,842 --> 00:09:31,644
He just wants to play something
at the... at the wedding.
246
00:09:31,678 --> 00:09:33,379
He's a very good hip-hop harpist.
247
00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:34,647
Mm.
248
00:09:34,681 --> 00:09:35,748
Hey, guys,
249
00:09:35,782 --> 00:09:36,749
Hope's all ready for college.
250
00:09:36,783 --> 00:09:37,883
Check out what she can do.
251
00:09:37,918 --> 00:09:39,418
Throw your hat.
252
00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:42,021
Huh?
253
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:44,223
(chuckles)
254
00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:45,691
She can't make it freeze in the air yet,
255
00:09:45,725 --> 00:09:47,193
but we got plenty of time.
256
00:09:47,227 --> 00:09:49,495
It's like seeing 18 years into the future.
257
00:09:49,529 --> 00:09:51,730
You know, I know, um,
you're only doing this
258
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,365
because I bribed you.
259
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,902
But I got to tell you, I am so touched.
260
00:09:56,937 --> 00:10:01,040
And I... I'm having so
much fun with you, honey.
261
00:10:01,074 --> 00:10:03,042
I've had fun, too.
262
00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:06,512
I guess you really have changed.
263
00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:09,515
Get your hands off my granddaughter!
264
00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,517
That man is a lying sack of garbage.
265
00:10:11,551 --> 00:10:13,385
And we've got the proof.
266
00:10:15,589 --> 00:10:17,556
By the way, I'm Frank.
267
00:10:17,591 --> 00:10:19,859
We met briefly, last time you were here.
268
00:10:19,893 --> 00:10:21,527
Oh, yes, I remember. Hi, Frank.
269
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:23,095
Pleasure.
270
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:27,360
As you will see from
this footage, Arnold is
271
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,062
a lying, manipulative,
272
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,730
deceitful monster.
273
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,699
ARNOLD (on video): Yeah, yeah. (chuckles)
274
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,033
Uh-huh.
275
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,569
No, no. It's... it's going perfectly.
276
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:38,438
They have no idea that the wedding is fake
277
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,206
and that Oliver doesn't exist.
278
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:42,075
I said
279
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,077
(loudly): Oliver does not ex...
280
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,713
Forget it. I'll text you.
281
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,582
One lousy cell tower for the whole town.
282
00:10:49,617 --> 00:10:50,850
Is this true?
283
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,519
Were you lying?
284
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:55,522
Well, I guess, uh, it's
time for me to expose myself.
285
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,023
Oh, God.
286
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,859
Physically, I've always
been about an eight,
287
00:10:59,894 --> 00:11:02,662
but, um... as a father, I've...
288
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,631
I've been a zero. I wasn't there for you.
289
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,299
I certainly wasn't there to throw you
290
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,101
the wedding of your dreams.
291
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,903
Because if I had been,
292
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,671
it would have been just like
293
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,240
the wedding you're planning for tomorrow...
294
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,242
because this wedding
295
00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:17,510
is for you.
296
00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:19,078
Oh, sure it is.
297
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:20,446
You know what? You're just trying...
298
00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:23,516
And this... is for you.
299
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:26,619
Oh, my God... (gasps)
300
00:11:31,492 --> 00:11:33,593
It's Princess Diana's dress.
301
00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:34,828
(gasps)
302
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,696
How did you know?
303
00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,571
ARNOLD: Just because I
wasn't part of your life,
304
00:11:38,606 --> 00:11:40,807
doesn't mean I didn't
keep you as a part of mine.
305
00:11:40,841 --> 00:11:42,709
I saw you watch the royal wedding.
306
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,078
Often, when I came into town to spy on you
307
00:11:45,112 --> 00:11:46,880
like a loving father, you would be working
308
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,282
on that scrapbook and
watching that videotape.
309
00:11:49,316 --> 00:11:51,317
Until one day you weren't.
310
00:11:58,659 --> 00:12:00,093
When I saw you give up your dream,
311
00:12:00,127 --> 00:12:01,628
it broke my heart.
312
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:03,396
I have always loved you...
313
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,432
Oh... and you've always loved the dress.
314
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:08,902
Burt...
315
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,170
(sniffs)
316
00:12:10,204 --> 00:12:12,138
we're gonna have a wedding.
317
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,310
ARNOLD: Oh, my, my, my, my.
318
00:12:17,344 --> 00:12:19,679
There's my princess.
319
00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:20,914
Here you go, pretty.
320
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,949
- You ready?
- Yeah.
321
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,520
JIMMY: Mom finally got the royal wedding
322
00:12:27,555 --> 00:12:29,122
she had always dreamed of.
323
00:12:29,156 --> 00:12:31,458
♪ ♪
324
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:32,992
And it even came with a replica
325
00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:35,028
of Princess Diana's 25-foot train...
326
00:12:35,062 --> 00:12:36,930
a train that Hope would eventually ride
327
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,798
all the way to college.
328
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,037
(quietly): This way.
329
00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:46,072
Oh, my...
330
00:12:57,017 --> 00:12:59,486
Burt, when I was 14,
331
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,122
I was majorly in love with Mark Johnson.
332
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,790
But now that I'm 15
333
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,225
and Mark moved,
334
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:07,460
I realize I know
335
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,995
you're the one, forever.
336
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,031
(guests gasp and murmur with delight)
337
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,536
Virginia, you are the
coolest girl I've ever known.
338
00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:18,471
If anyone ever hurts you,
339
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,007
I'll punch them in the face.
340
00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:22,208
Still holds.
341
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,813
Now by the power vested in me by no one...
342
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,815
uh, because this is
343
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,151
my Halloween costume
from three years ago...
344
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,218
(guests chuckle)
345
00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:33,820
I now pronounce you:
346
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,056
still man and wife.
347
00:13:37,558 --> 00:13:40,393
(cheering)
348
00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:49,736
(cannons boom, guests gasp)
349
00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:06,186
It is with great honor
350
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,021
that Jazzoo will now present
351
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,856
Kenny Loggins' classic hit...
352
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,391
Excuse me, guys.
353
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:14,227
Um... while kazoo is not
354
00:14:14,261 --> 00:14:16,629
the most annoying
instrument in the world...
355
00:14:16,664 --> 00:14:20,200
that, uh, honor goes to the
aboriginal torture flute...
356
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:23,236
I had something else in mind.
357
00:14:25,306 --> 00:14:26,373
(gasps)
358
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,907
Uh... is it... (gasps)
359
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:29,042
Oh, my God.
360
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,578
We're going to perform with Kenny Loggins!
361
00:14:31,612 --> 00:14:33,913
Sorry, guys, I'm kind of a solo act now.
362
00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:36,883
But you don't even have the
classic Loggins hair and beard.
363
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,219
Uh, that's because it's not the '80s.
364
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,920
In Natesville, it's always the '80s.
365
00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:45,959
Holy crap!
366
00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:47,894
Footloose dance party
is actually happening!
367
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,229
Yeah!
368
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,563
Um, maybe in a little bit,
369
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,065
but I got a tip from somebody...
370
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,433
Me, it was me.
371
00:14:53,467 --> 00:14:55,235
That the bride and groom might like
372
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,270
another one of my songs
for their first dance.
373
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:58,738
Play "Fight This Feeling"!
374
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,940
Uh, I think that's R.E.O. Speedwagon.
375
00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:02,242
I know.
376
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,743
It's just a simple chord progression.
377
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:04,878
Can't you just play it?
378
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,115
(playing "Danny's Song")
379
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:16,923
♪ People smile and tell me ♪
380
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,626
♪ I'm the lucky one... ♪
381
00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:21,861
JIMMY: I requested this song
382
00:15:21,896 --> 00:15:23,296
because it reminded me of the first day
383
00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:24,631
I brought Hope home.
384
00:15:24,665 --> 00:15:27,133
I had no idea what to do.
385
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:28,835
But when Mom and Dad sang this song
386
00:15:28,869 --> 00:15:30,704
to get Hope to sleep,
387
00:15:30,738 --> 00:15:33,273
they also gave me my first
lesson in being a parent.
388
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,376
♪ Conceived in love ♪
389
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:39,646
♪ Sun is gonna shine above ♪
390
00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:44,184
♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪
391
00:15:44,218 --> 00:15:47,153
♪ I'm so in love with you, honey... ♪
392
00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:48,622
JIMMY: Now everything was perfect.
393
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,190
Excuse me... (clears throat)
394
00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:51,458
May we cut in?
395
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,293
Oh, well...
396
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:56,096
I would love to dance with
this pretty little college girl.
397
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,668
Thanks, Dad.
398
00:16:01,702 --> 00:16:04,137
This was even better than
I could possibly dream.
399
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,973
I told you I wanted everything perfect.
400
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,809
I just wish I could've sent you on your...
401
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,811
your dream honeymoon from your scrapbook.
402
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,013
That's okay.
403
00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:14,714
I think that cool murdering whale
404
00:16:14,749 --> 00:16:18,184
got sent to some marine park
in South America, anyway.
405
00:16:18,219 --> 00:16:20,754
(chuckles)
406
00:16:20,788 --> 00:16:22,889
Although...
407
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:24,658
if you wanted to let us stay
408
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,827
in your condo in Sedona for a few days...
409
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,496
Yeah. We... we'd love to drive up there.
410
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,897
Or down there.
411
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:32,999
Or fly, or sail...
412
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,168
All right, we don't know where Sedona is.
413
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,836
But we'd still love to come stay there.
414
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,238
Yeah, that, uh...
415
00:16:38,272 --> 00:16:39,673
that, uh, that would be, uh...
416
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,874
great, at some point.
417
00:16:40,908 --> 00:16:42,676
What do you mean, "at some point"?
418
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,577
Well... (clears throat)
419
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,746
the condo is, uh...
420
00:16:46,781 --> 00:16:50,016
sort of out of my hands, at this point.
421
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,218
And whose hands would the condo
422
00:16:52,253 --> 00:16:54,721
that's supposed to pay
for Hope's college be in?
423
00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:58,224
The people I sold... it to...
424
00:16:58,259 --> 00:16:59,859
t... to pay for this wedding.
425
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,696
♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪
426
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,197
- (guests exclaim)
- * And everything will bring... *
427
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,131
(stops playing)
428
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,701
Sorry. I had to.
429
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,637
I just vowed to punch
anyone who hurt Virginia.
430
00:17:13,327 --> 00:17:15,128
What do you mean you can't
pay for Hope's college?
431
00:17:15,162 --> 00:17:16,996
She was going to be the
first one in our family
432
00:17:17,031 --> 00:17:18,565
who didn't have to scrub toilets, mow lawns
433
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:19,966
or bag groceries for a living.
434
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,501
I fully intend to...
435
00:17:21,535 --> 00:17:23,903
figure out a way to pay
for Hope's education.
436
00:17:23,938 --> 00:17:25,238
I just... I... I might have to
437
00:17:25,272 --> 00:17:28,508
wait for the ethnomusicology business
438
00:17:28,542 --> 00:17:30,243
to perk up just a little bit, it's...
439
00:17:30,277 --> 00:17:31,578
Maybe it'll be better
440
00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,246
if-if we all work on this together.
441
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,747
You know, we're her parents.
442
00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:37,350
We can figure out a way to pay for this,
443
00:17:37,384 --> 00:17:39,486
even if it means saving $1,000 a year.
444
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,287
That should cover it, right?
445
00:17:41,322 --> 00:17:42,822
Yeah, if you're talking
about the boob job she'd need
446
00:17:42,857 --> 00:17:44,290
in order to pole-dance
her way through college.
447
00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:46,659
You know, I think the salient point
448
00:17:46,694 --> 00:17:48,762
was succinctly covered
449
00:17:48,796 --> 00:17:50,096
in Mr. Loggins' refrain:
450
00:17:50,131 --> 00:17:52,499
"Even though we ain't got money,
451
00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:55,969
we are so much in love
with each other, honey."
452
00:17:57,705 --> 00:18:00,440
I packed your crap.
453
00:18:00,474 --> 00:18:02,442
You can go.
454
00:18:02,476 --> 00:18:04,611
(laughing)
455
00:18:04,645 --> 00:18:07,981
I... I have no place to go.
456
00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:12,852
Arnold can have my old room.
457
00:18:12,887 --> 00:18:13,887
What?!
458
00:18:13,921 --> 00:18:15,789
You guys said, just last week,
459
00:18:15,823 --> 00:18:17,791
that room was still mine
460
00:18:17,825 --> 00:18:19,959
if... if things didn't
work out with Sabrina.
461
00:18:19,994 --> 00:18:21,861
Really. Just last week?
462
00:18:21,946 --> 00:18:24,247
It was your anniversary,
the subject came up...
463
00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:25,915
And to be clear, he had just told us
464
00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:27,250
he was getting you a box of envelopes.
465
00:18:27,284 --> 00:18:28,885
The first anniversary is paper.
466
00:18:28,919 --> 00:18:30,887
Uh, not to make this about me,
467
00:18:30,921 --> 00:18:32,021
but, uh, what Jimmy said
468
00:18:32,056 --> 00:18:33,189
about the, uh, room...
469
00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:34,591
being available...
470
00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:36,226
- is that still on the table?
- No.
471
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:38,361
Okay, I just...
472
00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,964
Arnold lied to us and tricked us,
473
00:18:40,998 --> 00:18:42,932
did all that crazy stuff...
but if you think about it,
474
00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:44,601
that's kind of how our family shows love.
475
00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:46,636
Maybe we ought to give him a chance.
476
00:18:47,905 --> 00:18:49,239
Having Hope turned me
477
00:18:49,273 --> 00:18:50,573
into a better person.
478
00:18:50,608 --> 00:18:53,143
If you really want him
to be a better father,
479
00:18:53,177 --> 00:18:55,145
you're going to have to give him a chance
480
00:18:55,179 --> 00:18:56,713
at having a daughter.
481
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:58,148
Jimmy...
482
00:18:58,182 --> 00:18:59,716
that was really beautiful.
483
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,284
Most of it was from one
of the Father's Day cards
484
00:19:01,318 --> 00:19:02,285
Arnold performed at Howdy's.
485
00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:04,154
And I did get to punch somebody
486
00:19:04,188 --> 00:19:05,722
to Kenny Loggins' music.
487
00:19:05,756 --> 00:19:07,257
That puts me in an exclusive club
488
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,491
with Tom Cruise and Kevin Bacon.
489
00:19:09,827 --> 00:19:12,128
Not to rush your decision, but, um...
490
00:19:12,163 --> 00:19:13,596
there's an opportunity
491
00:19:13,631 --> 00:19:17,133
for an incredibly sweet
father-daughter moment
492
00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:19,636
dancing to Kenny Loggins' song.
493
00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:22,605
And we only have Kenny
for two more minutes.
494
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,240
I'm tempted just to kill you,
495
00:19:24,275 --> 00:19:25,475
'cause then I could use
496
00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,343
my Funeral Extravaganza Dream Book.
497
00:19:28,846 --> 00:19:30,847
But I guess it's easier
just to forgive you.
498
00:19:32,616 --> 00:19:33,650
Oh, baby...
499
00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:38,288
All right, well,
500
00:19:38,322 --> 00:19:39,856
it's been a very costly 15 minutes
501
00:19:39,890 --> 00:19:42,125
while everyone has been
processing their feelings,
502
00:19:42,159 --> 00:19:44,494
but I'd really like to
finish "Danny's Song."
503
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:47,130
Uh, if I don't, it just keeps going around
504
00:19:47,164 --> 00:19:49,099
in my head and drives me crazy.
505
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:52,202
(playing "Danny's Song")
506
00:19:52,236 --> 00:19:56,339
♪ People smile and tell
me I'm the lucky one ♪
507
00:19:57,541 --> 00:20:00,877
♪ And we've just begun ♪
508
00:20:00,911 --> 00:20:02,912
♪ Think I'm gonna have a son ♪
509
00:20:05,816 --> 00:20:08,051
♪ He'll be like she and me ♪
510
00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:11,121
♪ As free as a dove ♪
511
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:13,656
♪ Conceived in love ♪
512
00:20:13,691 --> 00:20:16,359
♪ Sun is gonna shine above ♪
513
00:20:18,729 --> 00:20:21,464
♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪
514
00:20:21,499 --> 00:20:24,801
♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪
515
00:20:24,835 --> 00:20:27,470
♪ And everything will bring ♪
516
00:20:27,505 --> 00:20:32,342
♪ A chain of love ♪
517
00:20:32,376 --> 00:20:34,911
♪ In the morning, when I rise ♪
518
00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:38,581
♪ You bring a tear of joy to my eyes ♪
519
00:20:38,616 --> 00:20:43,353
♪ And tell me everything ♪
520
00:20:43,387 --> 00:20:46,523
♪ Is gonna be all right... ♪
521
00:20:46,557 --> 00:20:49,492
JIMMY: Not everybody becomes
a parent at the perfect time.
522
00:20:49,527 --> 00:20:51,995
Some of us do it way too early,
523
00:20:52,029 --> 00:20:53,997
some of us do it way too late.
524
00:20:54,031 --> 00:20:56,066
But the important thing is,
525
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:57,667
when you get the chance,
526
00:20:57,701 --> 00:20:59,736
you make the most of it.
527
00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:02,505
What's that piece of trash doing here?
528
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:04,707
- Oh...
- No, no, no, no, no!
529
00:21:04,742 --> 00:21:06,710
- No, no, no, no.
- Hey... (anxious laugh)
530
00:21:06,744 --> 00:21:08,712
Is this going be happening
every five minutes
531
00:21:08,746 --> 00:21:10,580
after she leaves the room?
532
00:21:10,614 --> 00:21:12,582
No, eventually, she'll
think you're her dead husband
533
00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:14,050
and try to make out with you.
534
00:21:14,085 --> 00:21:15,051
Okay, okay...
535
00:21:15,086 --> 00:21:16,953
- How are you?
- Good, good.
536
00:21:16,987 --> 00:21:19,055
Good... I'm good.
537
00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:21,091
- I'm good.
- (others laughing)
538
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:34,784
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -