It's alive!
Ripped By mstoll
Uh...
Mmm... M&M's.
Oh fucking gross, man.
This isn't even close to an M&M.
They're Reese's Piece...
What the hell?!
This one's throat is injured.
Their race is so primitive and yet so fascinating.
Cornelius, my pencil broke. Be a dear and fetch me another?
Right away.
Phew!
Human, you can talk!
Hell yes, I can talk, and I can also hear,
like when I hear damn dirty apes vowing
to stick their damn dirty ape dorks into us humans.
And I heard you vow to put your disgusting, hairless,
human skin flute into one of us apes.
On my planet, we have a term for this...
"Best Summer Ever!"
If his theory is correct, any one of those diseases
could be used to camouflage him from the zombies.
But he doesn't know which diseases are in the vials.
No, not that one.
Oh, this is brutal.
- Oh, God, he's... - No.
Yep, he just injected himself with AIDS.
It worked.
Oh, but he definitely has AIDS now.
Oh, geez, he's... he's celebrating.
This is sad.
What's he doing now? Is he going back for more?
Oh, I can't watch this.
Oh, God, we are making a snuff film.
Isn't AIDS a livable disease nowadays?
That's HIV, not AIDS.
Come on, no!
Oh, this is brutal.
- What's he doing now? - D-Don't. No, don't! Don't do it!
- This is absurd. - Did he just drink his own piss?!
He's all hopped up on AIDS.
Whoo!
Where did he get that sombrero?
It was first prize for putting a fork in World War Z!
Oh, boy, it sure is a great day here on Sesame Street!
Yeah, especially since we're the last neighborhood
in New York that hasn't been gentrified.
Until today, because our special guest is Hannah Horvath
from the "marginally popular,
but ignored in the flyover states"
HBO series "Girls."
Hey! Do you know where I could find a cocaine dealer/
organic Vietnamese taco truck around here?
Fuck me.
Ooh, you're so cute.
I really love how you don't play games, Grover.
Oh, but I play lots of games...
Patty Cake and Marco Polo...
Oh, yeah! Insult my parents!
Oh, yeah! - Whoa!
Today we are going to learn about the number 3.
I have three apples.
And I know three girls who were date-raped
at the same bar on Sixth Street.
That is sad.
Uh... you're eating my props.
- I'm proud of my body. - I know. I know.
Yeah! Yeah! - Oh, god!
Yeah!
Fucking Jerry, man.
That guy is always straight-up killing it.
And now back to "Indian Love Boat."
Siva will marry my Uncle Jarish,
for he has paid her dowry.
And, Ravi, you will marry
the 10-year-old daughter of your neighbor.
But I have already known Ravi's touch!
- You whore! - I have shamed my family!
In 1998, two twins met
and reunited their mom and dad in...
A Parent Trap!
Now we find out how it all began...
- I want a divorce! - Thank God!
...with two little complications...
- You're pregnant. - Aw fuck.
- With twins. - Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
...and only one solution.
- What? You want to split up twin sisters?
You understand that children are not like monetary possessions.
- I do not, your honor! - Neither do I!
Okay, I'll allow it.
You go back to England with yours.
And you stay here with yours.
And we never let them know the other exists.
Sometimes happy endings have
truly horrifying, glossedover beginnings!
Bye forever!
Ideally!
It's good to be back.
Cool, man. Where's my food?
Oh, it's over there.
Yeah, it's on the filthy ground now,
'cause we hear that you eat food off the filthy ground now.
Fucking savage.
And we are in month three of overtime
as the puck is still stuck under player 12's foot.
Oh, goodie! The whore I ordered.
- Oh! - Hello, Mr. Franklin!
Oh, if only there was a way I could see
more of her body and less of that face.
Oh, well. It's not like they make glasses
with two different types of lenses.
Hmm...
And it was on that night that Benjamin Franklin came up
with one of his most famous inventions.
There... should be a... postal service!
Oh, yeah!
Ugh, Bruce! All we've done since we got to Florence
is sit at different cafés
and wait for Alfred to randomly walk in.
Listen, Selina, I know Alfred goes to some café along the Arno,
I just don't know which one, okay?!
Can't you just tell him you're alive in an e-mail?
This is my fifth espresso today. I am about to shit myself!
Selina, if you can just be cool, like, for once,
this has the potential to be such an epic and awesome moment!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Shut the fuck up. He's here!
Just look cool!
That was it?
Aah! I told you!
God damn it, Selina!
Hey, is that-a Bruce Wayne?
He's alive! - Son of a bitch.
Ch-ch-ch-cheese!!
Crikey! Tastes like someone cranked off on me gums!
Monterey! That's my vegan cheese!
Call it cheese one more time. I dare you, sweetheart.
I fucking dare you!!
You won the day, but I'll get you next time, Gadget!
Yes?
- Hi, is this Dr. Claw? - Yes.
Yeah, hey, Dr. Claw. So, my name is Nev.
I'm actually a friend of Inspector Gadget,
and he tells me that you guys have been
in some kind of death struggle for about 10 years now?
That's right.
- And you've never met. - I'm shy.
So, this is weird, but I make a show for MTV called "Catfish,"
and I'd like to set up a meeting
with you and Inspector Gadget.
I guess. Sure.
Are you ready for this?
To meet the man who's plotted in secret to destroy my life,
all because you offered us a chance to be on television?
It makes perfect sense!
My brain's been replaced with a boxing glove.
Hold on.
My name is Regina Claw.
And I've been trying to kill you because I'm in love with you.
Go, go, Gadget closure!
My enemy, my friend.
Hi, I'm Nev. A couple years ago, I fell in love online.
She wasn't who I thought she was,
so I called her a catfish, the most disgusting fish in the sea,
on a national stage.
And now I'm helping other people find their catfish,
which is a super-complicated thing
that takes way too long to explain.
So, let me get this straight.
Some Charlie guy has been sending you on missions
for the last five years,
but you guys have never met him?
It's a fun mystery.
I'm afraid Charlie might be a catfish.
And... what's that again?
So, they used to transport cod across the Atlantic and...
Look, it actually makes a lot less sense if I explain it.
Charlie, can you come out here, please?
Charlie?!
You're the one who sent us on missions
where we had to wear bikinis and sleep with men
and then tell you every detail?
Oh, this makes perfect sense.
So... which one of us is the catfish now?
Make it 40 cubits high, Noah!
I will, God!
Noah, come on. You've been building this ark for years,
but have you ever met God?
No one looks upon the glory of God.
Oh, boy. I'm sorry, Noah.
This isn't an ark. It's a fishing boat.
And you just caught a catfish.
- God? - Sorry, man, I just...
I just... I really needed a boat.
You've changed my life, catfish.
My name's not catfish.
"Catfish" is the name of the show.
Oh, really?
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Ripped By mstoll