1
00:00:03,010 --> 00:00:06,070
You know, I've heard that a
lot of women have a fantasy
2
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,310
about sleeping with the gym teacher.
3
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:08,880
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
4
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,880
Well, I've heard a lot of women lie to guys
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,310
with crappy jobs to make them feel better.
6
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:14,850
Well...
7
00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:16,320
I'm heading home.
8
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,490
What? Tonight's the 6th Grade Lock-In.
9
00:00:18,490 --> 00:00:20,120
It's the big old slumber party at school.
10
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,090
Ugh, that's right. I'm just gonna volunteer
11
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,060
for bathroom duty so I can sneak out.
12
00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,760
If anyone asks, I'm in
the can by the library.
13
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,400
The most surprising thing
about what you just said
14
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,430
- is that you know where the library is.
- Ha, ha.
15
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,670
Hey, you got any plans for tomorrow night?
16
00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:34,670
I bought two tickets to the Wilco concert.
17
00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:36,170
Ugh, they charge for those?
18
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,540
Wha... I didn't know you hated Wilco.
19
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,470
Well, I'm a human,
20
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:42,840
and I've heard Wilco, so,
um, of course I hate them.
21
00:00:42,850 --> 00:00:46,750
- Wait, are you asking me on a date?
- Well, we are sleeping together.
22
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:49,020
Uh, we're just sleeping together.
23
00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:51,120
We are just colleagues
24
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,890
who just sleep together. Mostly...
25
00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:55,890
- just at work.
- No, no.
26
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,960
I've been to your place and
you've driven by my place,
27
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,160
just refused to come in.
28
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,990
(Scoffs) I might be at a low point,
29
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,300
but I'm not low enough to have sex with you
30
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:06,630
with your roommate, like, three feet away.
31
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:09,640
So, my place next week?
32
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,700
Ugh.
33
00:01:10,710 --> 00:01:11,710
Hey, Coach Donnie.
34
00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:13,670
- (Beep)
- Nice hustle.
35
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,180
Thank you.
36
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,540
♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
37
00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:18,880
♪ Nah-nah,
nah-nah ♪
38
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,120
♪ I am a fascination ♪
39
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:23,850
♪ I'm here to blow your mind ♪
40
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,490
♪ I'll give 'em education ♪
41
00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:27,450
♪ Give me the wine and dine ♪
42
00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:29,320
♪ Hey! ♪
43
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:30,660
♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah-nah ♪
44
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:33,660
♪ Nah-nah,
nah, nah-nah! ♪
45
00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:39,570
Okay folks, it's almost time
for the 6th Grade Lock-In.
46
00:01:39,570 --> 00:01:40,900
Which I despise.
47
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,700
Years ago, an idealistic young principal
48
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,110
with a full head of hair
thought it'd be a great reward
49
00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:47,840
for the class food
drive. Now the bald shell
50
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,340
of that man would like
to travel back in time
51
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:51,780
and kick that guy in the face.
52
00:01:51,780 --> 00:01:54,710
Hormonal tweens staying up all night
53
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,650
is a recipe for drama.
54
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,090
Kids think of it as a magical time.
55
00:02:00,090 --> 00:02:01,590
Lot of high expectations.
56
00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,460
You're gonna see hookups,
57
00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:05,360
breakups, lot of hurt feelings.
58
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,500
I've been having panic attacks all week.
59
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,030
That's why my assistant Janet
here is gonna help me through.
60
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:14,570
Yeah, so, at my school, we
had a lock-in every night.
61
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:17,670
Course, that was because I was
homeschooled with my five siblings.
62
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:20,170
- Ugh.
- But tonight is going to rock.
63
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:22,710
(Short laugh) When you're dragging
a urine-filled sleeping bag
64
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,910
to the garbage at 3:00 AM,
that'll change your tune.
65
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:28,010
Yeah, I've apologized for
that, like, a gazillion times.
66
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:30,180
Besides, they were just urine samples.
67
00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:32,190
Thank you.
68
00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:34,250
Okay, Janet's gonna go through everyone's
69
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:36,190
duties for tonight's, uh, lock-in.
70
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:39,360
Yeah, so, we've got Ginny
and Kim on prank watch.
71
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,930
I love pranks.
72
00:02:40,930 --> 00:02:43,030
Once, I hid my neighbor's dog, Buttons,
73
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,400
and I put her dog collar on this brisket
74
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,570
and I put it on their porch...
75
00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:50,100
Kim. Anti-prank watch.
76
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,100
- Oh.
- It's where all the real action is.
77
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:55,440
- Right. And, oh, uh, sorry, Coach Donnie?
- Yeah.
78
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,310
- "Crushing it" is not a duty.
- I know. It's an honor.
79
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,450
Maybe you'd be honored
to know that the coaches
80
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:01,810
are on s'mores station.
81
00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:03,620
- S'mores. Can do that.
- (Growls): All right.
82
00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:05,250
- Mm, mm. (Grunts)
- Left, up. (Grunts)
83
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,990
Eat that, Jeff.
84
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:08,250
JANET: No, Jeff, that's okay.
85
00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:09,660
You're fine.
86
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:12,460
Um... Oh, Irene is
heading up Safety Patrol.
87
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:15,700
Uh, we're gonna start with a presentation.
88
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,760
I don't want to give anything away, but...
89
00:03:17,770 --> 00:03:19,400
gonna be gangsta.
90
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,570
Which is slang for gangster.
91
00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:22,440
All right,
92
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,910
and organizing the costumes for
the teachers' skit is Meredith.
93
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:29,340
Oh. (Inhales through teeth)
I think there was a mistake.
94
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:31,040
I'm actually on bathroom duty.
95
00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:32,780
It's to make sure that
the kids aren't frenching
96
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,780
or having babies in there or something.
97
00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:36,350
It happens.
98
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,580
Yeah. No, that's fine.
99
00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:39,080
I-I can take costumes.
100
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:42,520
I was the lead in my
homeschool play every year.
101
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,560
Before we adopted Blanca.
102
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,530
Okay, gang, we've got to get rolling.
103
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,390
Really can't put this off much longer.
104
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,130
I just want to let you guys know
105
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,530
that tonight's gonna be hell on earth.
106
00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:04,140
Good luck, everyone.
107
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,680
(Indistinct shouting)
108
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,110
Attention, sixth graders.
109
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,950
You are now officially locked in.
110
00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:13,850
(Kids whoop)
111
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:15,850
So let's all have a big hand for...
112
00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:17,790
(Clears throat)
113
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,790
- What if there's a fire?
- You can still get out.
114
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:21,390
The doors are locked to keep people
115
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,130
from the outside getting in.
116
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,160
- Now let's give a big hand...
- (Clears throat)
117
00:04:25,170 --> 00:04:27,200
What if emergency personnel need to get in?
118
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,200
James. These are your happy years.
119
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,470
Please, just try and enjoy them.
120
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,400
Now let's give a big hand
121
00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:35,740
for the Safety Patrol aka House of No Pain.
122
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,210
- Yeah, safety break.
- (Whistles)
123
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,610
It's time to raise the roof. (Whoops)
124
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:44,550
Yo, yo, yo. We're the Safety Patrol,
125
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:46,080
Yo, yo, yo, we're the Safety Patrol.
126
00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:48,620
Well, at least they're better than Wilco.
127
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,290
(Short laugh) You unload that ticket yet?
128
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,420
No. Why? You... You change your mind?
129
00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:53,930
Um, it's still you.
130
00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,190
And it's still Wilco.
131
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,530
So, no.
132
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,430
Okay, well, I'm gonna ask somebody else.
133
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:01,130
- A girl.
- Great. I don't care.
134
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,030
- Okay.
- We aren't anything to each other.
135
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,900
- Mm.
- Okay? You provide a service for me.
136
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,640
I mean, if it'll make you feel better,
137
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,610
I'd be happy to write you
a positive review on Yelp.
138
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,980
KID: Who are we?
139
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,180
One, two, three.
140
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:14,250
Safety Patrol!
141
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:16,150
Losers.
142
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,220
(Screams)
143
00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:18,420
Ooh.
144
00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:21,250
Who is throwing eggs?
145
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,090
I can't see because of the light.
146
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,260
All right, everybody go to
dinner. Pizza's in the library.
147
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:28,290
Refreshments are at
the, um, water fountain.
148
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:29,390
I'm out.
149
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,560
No running. No running.
150
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,870
No comedic fast-walking, James Pfaff.
151
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,600
I'm sorry about these eggs.
152
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,070
Hi. I'm Dale. I'm-I'm
Lyle's dad, and I'm a...
153
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,410
a volunteer chaperone tonight.
154
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,010
Uh, the boys said that there
was gonna be an omelet bar.
155
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,880
- Oh.
- I should have asked more questions.
156
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,480
Oh. I'm Irene. Safety Patrol.
157
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:50,720
Oh. Hello.
158
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,020
- Hello.
- (Laughs): Hi.
159
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:53,150
GINNY: Kim.
160
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,950
This is the perfect time
161
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:56,920
for a prank inspection.
162
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,390
(Gasps)
163
00:06:00,390 --> 00:06:02,590
What is that?
164
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,530
Open it.
165
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,230
(Gasps)
166
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,870
I knew it.
167
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:13,740
This amount of toilet paper
168
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:16,070
can only be used for one thing.
169
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,510
Explosive dia...
170
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,110
Pranking, Kim.
171
00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:21,010
Pranking.
172
00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:22,980
Ah...
173
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:24,180
I got this group.
174
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,480
Ugh. I'm starving.
175
00:06:26,490 --> 00:06:29,490
Hey, look, it's the Safety Pale-Trolls.
176
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,120
(Laughing)
177
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,290
Give us some, up top.
178
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,960
You guys, come on.
179
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,660
You have to admit it's kind of funny.
180
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:37,860
This sucks.
181
00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:39,630
I mean, the 6th Grade Lock-In
182
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,400
is supposed to be a night of magic.
183
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,470
I wish those mean boys weren't here.
184
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:46,370
Oh, yeah. But I am happy
that Lyle's dad is here.
185
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:49,170
He's really nice. Plus
he's got a sexy name.
186
00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:50,910
Dale.
187
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,110
Can you believe he's single?
188
00:06:53,110 --> 00:06:55,350
OMG, Irene.
189
00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:57,650
- Why don't you ask him out on a date?
- Oh, no.
190
00:06:57,650 --> 00:07:00,180
Our mom taught us three
girls to play hard to get.
191
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:02,950
No one's caught us yet,
and Janine's almost 50.
192
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:07,060
Well, the good news is, we
ruined some prankster's night.
193
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,430
One more roll.
194
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:17,200
Swish. Yes.
195
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,070
(Door thuds shut)
196
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:21,370
Um...
197
00:07:21,370 --> 00:07:23,870
I forgot my keys.
198
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:24,880
Kim!
199
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,480
(Imitating her): Ginny. Oh.
200
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,680
I am so sorry.
201
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,850
I just got caught up in the moment.
202
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:33,550
Hey. Everybody?
203
00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:35,720
(Muffled): Hello?
204
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,220
Okay, well...
205
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:40,220
I better get to, uh,
206
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:41,960
"bathroom duty." (Chuckles)
207
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,890
I'll see you clowns on Monday.
208
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:47,700
Oh, oh, let's try this one. Oh.
209
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,770
Later, sucka.
210
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,540
Why is Joel talking to Puffy Vest?
211
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:57,540
I don't know.
212
00:07:57,540 --> 00:08:00,640
Everybody's looking for a
place to dock their boat.
213
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:04,010
- Okay, what about Wilco?
Do you like Wilco? - Uh, is there
214
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,650
anyone in the world
who does not like Wilco?
215
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:06,680
JOEL: Thank you.
216
00:08:06,690 --> 00:08:09,590
- Oh, my God.
- (Wailing)
217
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,720
Oh, sweet Kenny Rogers.
218
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:16,360
We're locked out of the Lock-In.
219
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,330
No!
220
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:25,470
Oh, you decided to stay. Why?
221
00:08:25,470 --> 00:08:27,800
You know when you decide
you hate an item of clothing
222
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,840
so you give it to your maid?
223
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,740
And then you see your maid wearing it
224
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,540
and you're like, "Why'd
I ever give it away?
225
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:36,010
Because it looked so much better on me?"
226
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:38,650
Yeah. Totally. I totally get that.
227
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,150
Totally happens all the time.
228
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,970
(Gasps) Hey there, homeschool skillet.
229
00:08:50,970 --> 00:08:52,040
(Giggles)
230
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,410
I love your puffy vest.
231
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:56,340
Everyone looks good puffy.
232
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,610
Aren't you on bathroom duty?
233
00:08:57,610 --> 00:08:59,010
Oh, I have a few minutes.
234
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,680
I was just consoling some crying girls
235
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,380
and helping a few with their first periods.
236
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,790
- It's just... so beautiful.
- (Sighs)
237
00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:08,350
So...
238
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,260
Coach Kotsky? Coach Hotsky?
239
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,030
What's happening, girlfriend?
240
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:16,400
Are you having sexy times
with the coach or what?
241
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,430
Listen,
242
00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:19,160
I think you can do better.
243
00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,830
I mean, Joel is great.
244
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,530
But he's... poor.
245
00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:26,440
Like, "he goes on vacation in a car" poor.
246
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,970
He's so cute.
247
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,680
Oh, and he's great with kids, too.
248
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,340
W... You...
249
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:33,850
if you care about kids...
250
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:35,250
Oh, God, I can't believe...
251
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,350
You... C... Coach Donnie.
252
00:09:37,350 --> 00:09:39,280
Oh, my God, he is
253
00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,050
fantastic with kids.
254
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,060
He actually has the IQ of a child,
255
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,490
so he treats them like
equals, because they are.
256
00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:47,030
Yeah, I don't really think that...
257
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:48,160
Uh, don't... Don't.
258
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,000
I think it could be super beautiful.
259
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,500
You're doing a great job.
260
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,970
Hey, listen, I got a little
extra room in my sleeping bag.
261
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,470
I bought it before I got
the old lap band, so...
262
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,010
- If you're interested.
- I'm not interested.
263
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:05,710
- DONNIE: All right.
- Hey. - Hey.
264
00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:08,810
Uh, did you just have some
weird conversation with Janet?
265
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:11,080
Are you jealous or something?
266
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,150
(Laughing): Um...
267
00:10:12,150 --> 00:10:14,320
Of Puffy Vest Girl? Eh, no.
268
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,590
And by the way, she's wearing that vest
269
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:17,420
to cover up the fact that that, um, kid
270
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:19,760
over there has bigger boobs than she does.
271
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,790
Okay, look, you're the one
that said we aren't anything,
272
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,460
so you don't get to be jealous.
273
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,500
I'm a former Miss Teen Yorba Glinda.
274
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,770
I am not jealous.
275
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,240
- I really don't care.
- Okay.
276
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,740
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
277
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:34,910
I've been sleeping with Coach Donnie.
278
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:38,110
You are not sleeping with Coach Donnie.
279
00:10:38,110 --> 00:10:40,310
I'd know. Coach Donnie tells us everything.
280
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,180
Even the stuff he does alone.
281
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:44,920
- I like to contribute to the conversation.
- Well, we just love to talk
282
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,020
- about space exploration.
I think we were... - Mm-hmm.
283
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:49,050
- Yeah, uh, economy.
- Economy. (Laughs)
284
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:52,560
Sometimes we say the same
thing at the same time.
285
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,860
(Chuckles)
286
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:56,760
I like her boobs. Both of 'em.
287
00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:00,100
- Okay. See you guys.
- (Laughing): Donnie.
288
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,700
Stop! You're tickling me!
289
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,230
See? I knew we were vibing.
290
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,470
Shut up, Donnie.
291
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:06,270
There must be so much pranking.
292
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:08,810
Swirlies, "kick me" signs,
293
00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:11,610
uncooked clams hiding in rucksacks.
294
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,710
They don't even know we're gone.
295
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:17,650
Everybody hates prank watch.
296
00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:19,050
That's not true.
297
00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:20,320
Come on.
298
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,590
We're gonna get in there.
299
00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:23,620
What are you doing?
300
00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,260
(Thump)
301
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,820
That's a good idea.
302
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,360
Get their attention!
303
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,230
Hello?!
304
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:35,370
- Let us in!
- Hey! Everybody!
305
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:39,170
Where is Ginny? She's supposed
to play the hero of the skit.
306
00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:40,640
Did somebody say "hero"?
307
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,740
I would love to step in.
308
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,710
Because there's a huge heart
under these perfect knockers.
309
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:47,610
CARL: Okay, students, we're halfway through
310
00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:49,510
the worst night of our lives.
311
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,680
Next up is the teachers' skit,
312
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,720
which was written by Mr. Dougan's ESL class
313
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,250
and it is entitled,
314
00:11:56,260 --> 00:11:59,220
Zombie Scary Fast Run Run.
315
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:00,960
You look great, by the way.
316
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,460
CARL: And...
317
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:04,560
curtain.
318
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,000
(Growling)
319
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,330
Need...
320
00:12:07,330 --> 00:12:08,600
brains.
321
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,630
(Sniffing) Hmm.
322
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,570
No brains here.
323
00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:16,240
- (Laughter)
- I-I can't hear in this costume,
324
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,480
so I'm gonna need somebody
to wave or something
325
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,850
when it's my cue to go onstage!
326
00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:23,180
- Got it.
- What?!
327
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:24,850
Got... Okay!
328
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:28,650
I know how to kill zombies:
feed 'em cafeteria food.
329
00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:29,690
(Laughter)
330
00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:31,990
Another way to kill them is t...
331
00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:34,290
To make them look at Janet's face
332
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:37,090
because then they'll
want to kill themselves.
333
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,330
Okay. Intermission, all
right? Everybody huddle up.
334
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,970
Right now. What is going on?
335
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,700
- I would also like to know that.
- I think Meredith doesn't love
336
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,300
that Janet and I have been hanging out.
337
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:47,840
Oh, you think I'm jealous? Um, no. Sorry.
338
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,140
Only fat girls get jealous.
339
00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:50,540
Meredith, we were just talking.
340
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:51,740
Great! Good!
341
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,510
Enjoy talking. But you should know,
342
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:54,510
um, we boned.
343
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:56,280
- (Gasping)
- More than once.
344
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,280
More than twice. Uh,
more than you've probably
345
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,320
played the lead in your
homeschool production,
346
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,120
so just enjoy your
sloppy... uh, I'm sorry...
347
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,460
really sloppy seconds.
348
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:06,760
- What?
- What?
349
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,690
What was it like to sleep with Joel?
350
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,590
- (Sighs) Joel, is this true?
- Come on.
351
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,030
Drama.
352
00:13:13,030 --> 00:13:14,900
6th Grade Lock-In's nothing but drama.
353
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,700
I hate it!
354
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:20,440
And scene!
355
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,800
I was dreading tonight because
of all the student drama.
356
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,340
I wasn't counting on the drama
coming from inside the house.
357
00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:38,870
I trusted you all to handle
yourselves. Big mistake.
358
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,680
Relationships aren't against the rules,
359
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,350
but talking about 'em in
front of the students is.
360
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:45,650
So...
361
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,580
everybody come clean
362
00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:49,120
for the protection of the school.
363
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,820
I like Meredith's boobs.
364
00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:53,190
I-I didn't ask for the particulars.
365
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,860
Joel, Meredith,
366
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,420
are you two an item?
367
00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:58,230
No. We-we aren't anything but colleagues
368
00:13:58,230 --> 00:13:59,990
who used to sleep together. That's it.
369
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,400
Joel, Janet, do you like-like each other?
370
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:07,500
Yeah, I-I
like-like her.
371
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,770
Janet, will you... will you go
to the Wilco concert with me?
372
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:12,370
To make up for all this crap?
373
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:15,040
I-I don't know. I mean, this is...
374
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:17,680
kind of a lot to take in, but, I mean,
375
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,550
I like-like you, too,
376
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:21,450
so I guess I Wilco to the concert with you.
377
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:22,520
Nice.
378
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,490
I think I Wilco-mmit suicide now.
379
00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:25,820
DONNIE (Chuckles): Well, then,
380
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,760
Meredith and I are definitely an item.
381
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,390
And she quite possibly
could become the second
382
00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:32,860
- Mrs. Coach Donnie.
- Uh, no,
383
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,660
I won't because I wouldn't be caught dead
384
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:37,230
dating a gym teacher.
385
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:41,740
Okay, girls,
386
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:44,440
Operation Get Ms. Dudek
and Dale Together is a go.
387
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:45,970
I don't know, guys.
388
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,710
He's the dad of a mean boy.
389
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,640
Oh, Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey.
390
00:14:49,650 --> 00:14:51,550
You can't help who you fall for.
391
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:54,020
The heart wants what the heart wants.
392
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:57,850
Now... are you in?
393
00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:00,450
Let's make the 6th Grade Lock-In magic.
394
00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,730
- Wake up, guys!
- Wake up!
395
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:06,760
Cream 'em.
396
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,230
(Screaming)
397
00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:12,470
- Oh, this is disgusting!
- Stop! Unacceptable! Hey, no!
398
00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:14,300
- I can't believe this.
- It's all over my shirt.
399
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:16,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
400
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:18,540
You know, you should really
apologize to our advisor,
401
00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:21,110
Irene Dudek. She's in
room 105, currently single,
402
00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:22,710
and she's up to date with all of her shots.
403
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,550
- Go get her. Go get her. To the right.
- Right there.
404
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:25,650
Down the hall to the right.
405
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,410
Yes. (Giggles) Yes.
406
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,480
(Grunts, exhales)
407
00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:32,920
Uh, that's the last roll.
408
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,560
Kim...
409
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,160
look.
410
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,830
Oh, my God.
411
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:47,270
What did we do?
412
00:15:47,270 --> 00:15:48,800
A prank.
413
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,800
(Squeaks)
414
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:52,540
What's wrong with you?
415
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,470
What's wrong with you?
416
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,080
- Is this about Joel?
- (Scoffs)
417
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,910
I see him leaving the guesthouse sometimes.
418
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,350
That's nothing. It's just sex.
419
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,180
Which is very special.
420
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:07,620
Because sex is always
super special and meaningful
421
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:09,220
and done to make a baby.
422
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:12,230
Which is probably why
he thinks I'm jealous.
423
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:13,660
And it's like... I'm not jealous.
424
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,530
I would never get jealous
of someone who's poor
425
00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:17,460
and couldn't give me the
life that I want at all.
426
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,830
I mean, he couldn't give it to
me at all. I mean, at all at all.
427
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,000
Even if he is cute and
even if he is kind of smart
428
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,570
in, like, a dumb gym teacher
429
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:26,510
kind of way. But it's
like... even with all of that,
430
00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:29,280
like, he's so obviously and completely
431
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,780
and totally, utterly not
at all what I'm looking for,
432
00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:36,080
and I would never, ever,
ever, ever fall for Joel, so...
433
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,250
You can't help who you fall for.
434
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:42,560
Don't tell anyone, but I
think the Unibrow Twin is cute.
435
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,990
But he likes Bronwen.
436
00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:47,190
He chucked all of his eggs at her.
437
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,400
How do you deal with your jealousy?
438
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,730
- I farted on her pillow.
- (Chuckling): Nice.
439
00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:56,240
Look, you should tell
Joel what you told me.
440
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:01,670
Hello?
441
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,910
- Wow.
- (Chuckles)
442
00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:08,550
Hey, Ms. Dudek?
443
00:17:13,590 --> 00:17:16,520
Oh, hello. Your, uh,
444
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,390
classroom looks beautiful.
445
00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:20,690
Yeah. It's not normally like this.
446
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,760
The, uh, Safety Patrol girls,
447
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,730
they told me the eye wash
was broken, so I came rushing.
448
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:25,930
Classic trick.
449
00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:27,900
Oh. (Chuckling): Yeah.
450
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:32,470
Uh, well, I just came by
to-to apologize for my son
451
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:35,510
and his loser friends'
behavior again and...
452
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,080
Oh.
453
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,110
There's only one way
you can make it up to me.
454
00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:40,910
- Oh.
- (Chuckles)
455
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,110
What's that?
456
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,350
I guess that apology you just gave.
457
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:45,750
That actually was a good way.
458
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:47,350
Oh. Thank you.
459
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,460
Uh, well, but I was wondering if I could...
460
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:51,720
get your number.
461
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,530
Oh. Four.
462
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,330
But one was at camp and we
didn't actually finish, so...
463
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,130
No, I meant your phone number. Like...
464
00:17:58,130 --> 00:18:00,370
'Cause just seeing you
here, uh, looking so alluring
465
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,270
in the light of the Bunsen burners
466
00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,470
- had me wondering if we might...
- Oh. Oh, no.
467
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:07,140
- Oh, no, no, no. - Holy crap!
Don't worry! I'll get us out of here!
468
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:09,140
- (Alarm blaring)
- Uh, Siri, how does one escape fire?
469
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,340
(Children screaming)
470
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:17,950
Lily, have you seen Joel?
I'm gonna take your advice!
471
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:20,350
- About the pillow thing?
- No, the other thing!
472
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,990
Oh, he's in the main wing.
473
00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:23,590
Our motto usually is "safety first,"
474
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:25,090
but this time it's "safety second"!
475
00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:26,460
Go get him!
476
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,030
Joel!
477
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:33,930
(Panting) Hey.
478
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,070
- What are you...
- I think you're incredibly hot.
479
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,940
I like that you laugh at my jokes
480
00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:42,040
even though you're not really
smart enough to get them.
481
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,910
And I like that we have
this long history together
482
00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:46,910
because I know that you've
been fantasizing about me
483
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:48,750
for 12 to 14 years,
484
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,820
and that's the longest
relationship I've ever been in.
485
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:53,020
So, yes, you were right.
486
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,790
I am jealous of you and Janet.
487
00:18:55,790 --> 00:18:58,260
I don't want you to go
to the concert with Janet.
488
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:01,330
I don't want you to be anything with Janet.
489
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,070
So, what, are we, like,
490
00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:10,100
boyfriend-girlfriend status, then?
491
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,900
No.
492
00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:14,310
Oh, I don't want you to be anything
493
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:16,540
with Janet, but I don't want
to be anything with you, either.
494
00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:17,980
Wait, what?
495
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,250
When I got dumped, I swore
496
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:21,680
that I would get back at my ex,
497
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,310
that I would strut back
into that country club
498
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,220
on the arm of a much richer man.
499
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,990
And I like you, Joel, I really do,
500
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:32,060
but... it's just something I have to do,
501
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:34,730
and I can't do it with you.
502
00:19:34,730 --> 00:19:38,160
- Wait, are your parents rich?
- No.
503
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:40,700
- Okay, so yeah. It can't be you.
- Okay.
504
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,500
That was incredibly
honest, I'll give you that.
505
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,940
What are you thinking?
506
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,370
I'm thinking I'm still gonna
take Janet to the concert.
507
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:50,310
Wait, why? I just told you not to.
508
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:52,310
Yeah, well, I-I don't do what you want.
509
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,810
That's why you like me.
510
00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:56,150
Hope you don't find somebody to get you out
511
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,750
of those wet clothes.
512
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,430
- This is really a mess.
- Yeah.
513
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:12,470
Well, at least the Lock-In
ended six hours early.
514
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:15,240
So, God, you're probably gonna have to can
515
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,340
whoever started this fire.
516
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:20,210
And... (Sighs) I did
not want to say anything,
517
00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:23,180
but, uh, I'm pretty sure it was Janet.
518
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,580
- Janet?
- Yeah.
519
00:20:24,580 --> 00:20:26,050
Really? That seems strange.
520
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,520
I think she did that TP-ing, too.
521
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,850
Look, she just has that weird,
522
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,620
creepy, desperate need for attention.
523
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:35,220
You know, with the zombie skit.
524
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:36,620
Okay, well, listen, I'll check it out.
525
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:38,020
But can you give me a hand?
526
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:39,460
Uh, the-the drain
is over-over there.
527
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:40,490
Oh, I would love to,
528
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,960
but I'm actually on, um...
529
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,330
on bathroom duty.
530
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,970
And I'd hate to leave my post... (Groans)
531
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,770
with all of this going on.
532
00:20:47,770 --> 00:20:50,770
But, um, call me later, okay? Good luck!
533
00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:52,970
Hey!
534
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,110
Happy birthday to me. (Giggles)
535
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:59,650
Ah, yes.
536
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,000
Synced by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
537
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:08,000
Corrected by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com