1 00:00:00,163 --> 00:00:01,705 There's nothing more romantic 2 00:00:01,825 --> 00:00:04,740 than the morning after a honeymoon with your new bride. 3 00:00:05,011 --> 00:00:07,174 You change your own sheets today. 4 00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,180 Last night... 5 00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,396 I mean, that was... ooh! 6 00:00:12,516 --> 00:00:14,100 I didn't get too rough with you? 7 00:00:14,479 --> 00:00:17,687 It's nothing a bucket of ice on my husband parts can't fix. 8 00:00:17,847 --> 00:00:19,785 I have a little surprise for you. 9 00:00:20,475 --> 00:00:22,192 I started up my own list. 10 00:00:24,119 --> 00:00:25,362 Oh, my God! 11 00:00:25,672 --> 00:00:27,364 This is fantastic! 12 00:00:27,524 --> 00:00:28,978 You're actually...? 13 00:00:29,098 --> 00:00:30,617 Give me a second. 14 00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:36,373 Thank you, Karma! You gave me the best woman in the world! 15 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:39,208 Screw you! I came to this motel to die! 16 00:00:39,702 --> 00:00:41,371 Stop showing off your happiness. 17 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:44,083 Somebody help! My hooker stopped breathing! 18 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,883 Sorry, it's just that I finally found my soul mate... 19 00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:49,606 My bad. 20 00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,040 Sorry for the outburst. 21 00:00:52,507 --> 00:00:54,783 Transcript: swsub.com Subtitles: Loky, Jarick 22 00:00:54,903 --> 00:00:57,227 The neighbors send their regards. 23 00:00:58,034 --> 00:00:59,771 GIRL EARL 24 00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:03,525 I knew marriage was about give and take. 25 00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:06,276 I just didn't realize how much I'd have to give 26 00:01:06,437 --> 00:01:08,109 and how much Billie would take. 27 00:01:08,229 --> 00:01:10,448 What's going on with the chips, honey? 28 00:01:10,608 --> 00:01:12,617 Sharing. It's what married people do. 29 00:01:12,777 --> 00:01:16,358 It's just that I have everything timed out for crunch, sandwich, crunch. 30 00:01:16,478 --> 00:01:17,835 Now that you took that chip, 31 00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:20,667 I'm going to be left with one bite of sandwich and no crunch. 32 00:01:20,944 --> 00:01:22,544 But that's crazy, baby. 33 00:01:24,223 --> 00:01:26,464 That's not crazy. Just what I like to do. 34 00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:29,634 Yeah, but I'm a sharer. I mean, that's just who I am. 35 00:01:29,794 --> 00:01:33,012 When you marry a woman you hardly know, you've to learn a lot about her quickly. 36 00:01:33,172 --> 00:01:35,337 And that's what I was doing with Billie. 37 00:01:36,175 --> 00:01:38,770 I learned she always kept track of my comings and goings. 38 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,941 - Where are you going? - Soda machine. 39 00:01:41,061 --> 00:01:42,642 - What are you getting? - Soda. 40 00:01:42,762 --> 00:01:45,076 - When are you coming back? - When I get soda. 41 00:01:45,196 --> 00:01:46,260 Love you! 42 00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:50,488 I learned she had different ideas about clothes than I did. 43 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,243 Oh, my God! What do you think? 44 00:01:55,738 --> 00:01:57,219 I can't breathe. 45 00:01:57,614 --> 00:01:59,910 And I learned a little bit about her boundaries. 46 00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,163 She had none. 47 00:02:01,283 --> 00:02:02,542 Private time. 48 00:02:02,744 --> 00:02:05,205 - Shy pee-er in here. - Don't be ridiculous. 49 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,255 We're married now. You don't have to be shy. 50 00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:09,424 Is it always that color? 51 00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,519 This song is lame. 52 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,679 Someone has to take control of this jukebox. 53 00:02:14,839 --> 00:02:16,853 I'm going to go put on some Van Halen. 54 00:02:17,216 --> 00:02:19,768 Sweet! J-19, Running With the Devil. 55 00:02:19,928 --> 00:02:21,264 Ew! No! 56 00:02:21,384 --> 00:02:22,562 The Real Van Halen, 57 00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:23,890 with Sammy Hagar. 58 00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:29,326 I don't get it, Randy. 59 00:02:29,446 --> 00:02:31,651 Clearly Karma wants me and Billie to be together, 60 00:02:31,771 --> 00:02:34,815 but there's 20 songs on that jukebox of David Lee Roth Van Halen. 61 00:02:34,935 --> 00:02:36,659 And she spends good money on Hagar? 62 00:02:37,234 --> 00:02:39,341 I know, Earl, but a lot of people like him. 63 00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,081 That's why it's on the jukebox. 64 00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:44,167 Maybe so, but what about that crap she pulled with the chips? 65 00:02:44,687 --> 00:02:46,586 Some people don't mind sharing chips. 66 00:02:52,252 --> 00:02:54,154 Please. It's no big deal. 67 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,995 I'll get a crunch next time. 68 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,601 Everybody's got some little annoying habits, Earl. 69 00:03:01,951 --> 00:03:02,852 Even you. 70 00:03:03,012 --> 00:03:06,017 Like when you're thinking, you always raise just one eyebrow. 71 00:03:06,137 --> 00:03:07,524 I hate that. 72 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,521 Maybe Randy was right. 73 00:03:09,641 --> 00:03:11,288 Maybe the problem wasn't my wife. 74 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,154 Maybe the problem was me. 75 00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,296 Great jukebox. 76 00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:20,411 They even have some Lynyrd Skynyrd from after the plane crash. 77 00:03:20,571 --> 00:03:23,540 I decided to focus on the one thing I knew we could agree on: 78 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:25,001 the list. 79 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,292 Let's see... 80 00:03:26,412 --> 00:03:28,128 what should we do first on your list? 81 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,130 Hey, this guy's on my list, too. 82 00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:33,590 In Camden County if you were a champion bagger, 83 00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:36,226 it usually meant that you bagged a lot of chicks. 84 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,170 But Joel was a different kind of bagger. 85 00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:40,568 You're watching Camden's own Joel Maloney 86 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,402 demonstrating a skill that's earned him 87 00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,991 a place in the National Bagging Competition 88 00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:48,242 scheduled to kick off tomorrow in beautiful Youngstown, Ohio, 89 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,941 rivet capital of the world. 90 00:03:50,101 --> 00:03:51,600 Joel, are you nervous? 91 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:52,749 Kind of, but... 92 00:03:52,869 --> 00:03:55,965 this is what everybody who's ever worked at a grocery store dreams of: 93 00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:57,824 bringing home that golden sack! 94 00:03:57,984 --> 00:04:01,202 - That loser is going out of town. - We should clean him out. 95 00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:05,164 I'm sick of those grocery workers acting like they're better than us. 96 00:04:05,324 --> 00:04:06,523 And once word spread, 97 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:09,231 every criminal in Camden decided to go shopping. 98 00:04:09,351 --> 00:04:12,392 As a courtesy, everyone who stole from Joel left the TV on 99 00:04:12,512 --> 00:04:14,879 so the others could see when he was on his way back. 100 00:04:14,999 --> 00:04:17,441 I'm here live at the National Bagging Competition 101 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,952 with one of the hot, young newcomers on the scene this year, Joel Maloney. 102 00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:23,614 Joel, congratulations on your first round victory. 103 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:27,306 Most people don't realize how exhausting competitive bagging is. 104 00:04:27,426 --> 00:04:30,629 I had to run out and put quarters in the parking meter, but... 105 00:04:30,749 --> 00:04:31,733 thanks. 106 00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:35,460 The longer poor Joel competed, the emptier his house got. 107 00:04:37,057 --> 00:04:38,865 And, Billie, just like everyone else, 108 00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:40,658 wanted a piece of the action. 109 00:04:41,983 --> 00:04:43,891 You should've got here earlier. 110 00:04:44,895 --> 00:04:47,002 Guess all you get's the broom. 111 00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:50,793 You can have the broom. 112 00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:52,584 I'll take the fan. 113 00:04:57,314 --> 00:05:01,094 Joel Maloney just put an exclamation point on this one! 114 00:05:01,214 --> 00:05:02,919 It's the third day of competion 115 00:05:03,039 --> 00:05:06,597 and nobody's come within 12 nectarines of the pride of Camden. 116 00:05:06,717 --> 00:05:08,260 By the time we got there, 117 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,797 people had already stolen everything that wasn't nailed down. 118 00:05:10,917 --> 00:05:12,292 So we took what was. 119 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,432 I know you're disappointed, Joel, 120 00:05:14,552 --> 00:05:17,807 but second place is still something to be proud of. 121 00:05:17,927 --> 00:05:21,745 What are you going to do with that $25 gift certificate to Applebee's? 122 00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:24,410 I guess I'll go to Applebee's. 123 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,686 Joel thought he was disappointed then, 124 00:05:30,806 --> 00:05:33,003 but it was about to get a lot worse. 125 00:05:33,528 --> 00:05:35,921 Of course when Joel came home with his gift certificate, 126 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:38,369 he saw that his house was trashed. 127 00:05:43,498 --> 00:05:46,821 The first stop in repaying Joel was to visit Joy's tipped-over trailer 128 00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:49,185 to get back his carpet and his TV. 129 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,311 Excuse me. 130 00:05:50,471 --> 00:05:53,398 Just curious, but how do you use the bathroom in here? 131 00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:56,150 Joy put a seat on the exhaust fan. 132 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,736 Neighbors hate it, but it works like a dream. 133 00:06:02,766 --> 00:06:04,242 When we were first married, 134 00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,667 was there stuff about each other that we... 135 00:06:07,564 --> 00:06:09,122 had trouble getting used to? 136 00:06:09,282 --> 00:06:10,505 Oh, God, yeah. 137 00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:13,088 Your stupid chip crunch thing, that eyebrow, 138 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:16,254 and the foreplay. Darnell, you wouldn't have believed this guy's foreplay. 139 00:06:16,414 --> 00:06:19,436 It was just a wrestling match to see who got to be on the bottom. 140 00:06:20,281 --> 00:06:22,032 I bet that was a hoot to watch. 141 00:06:22,152 --> 00:06:24,512 You all red-faced, trying to get out of doing work. 142 00:06:24,672 --> 00:06:26,597 It wasn't that. I liked looking up at her. 143 00:06:26,757 --> 00:06:28,389 Oh, you were just lazy. 144 00:06:28,509 --> 00:06:31,367 But I accepted it. That's all a marriage is... 145 00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:34,698 accepting the annoying crap your partner makes you put up with. 146 00:06:34,818 --> 00:06:36,711 That's even true in the animal kingdom. 147 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:39,110 You think the tomcat likes the way the lady cat screeches 148 00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:42,155 when he humps her? He keeps coming back to hit that kitty. 149 00:06:50,399 --> 00:06:52,605 This carpet's got a lot of memories, Earl. 150 00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:55,263 Remember when I took it up on the roof and tried to fly on it? 151 00:06:55,383 --> 00:06:57,300 Hard to forget. You cracked your head open 152 00:06:57,420 --> 00:07:00,557 and for three weeks you thought you were president of an insurance company. 153 00:07:00,677 --> 00:07:02,967 - You tried to fire me. - Nothing personal, Earl. 154 00:07:03,087 --> 00:07:06,641 You just weren't making the sales. Aunt Shirley from Accounting hated you. 155 00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:08,236 Man, brains are funny. 156 00:07:08,356 --> 00:07:10,325 You shake them around hard enough and it's like, 157 00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:12,817 "Whoa, who's steering this ship?" 158 00:07:14,472 --> 00:07:15,725 What do you want? 159 00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:18,413 Hi, my name is Billie. 160 00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:21,475 I once did a bad thing to you, but I have this list, 161 00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:25,185 and you're on it and I want to make up for it. 162 00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:32,371 Is this some kind of trick? 163 00:07:32,531 --> 00:07:34,797 No really, we're sorry for stealing your stuff. 164 00:07:34,917 --> 00:07:36,250 We brought it back. 165 00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:43,322 I told Joel that once we put the carpet back down, 166 00:07:43,442 --> 00:07:45,141 it'd be like we never took it. 167 00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:46,928 Don't worry, we'll get it cleaned. 168 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,097 And we'll get you some new rabbit ears for the TV. 169 00:07:50,217 --> 00:07:52,190 I sent Randy to go get some, but... 170 00:07:52,649 --> 00:07:55,686 nah, you don't want to hear the end of that story. 171 00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:57,408 It doesn't matter. 172 00:07:57,664 --> 00:08:01,024 The robbery was far from the worst thing that happened that day. 173 00:08:12,815 --> 00:08:15,033 The graffiti hurt Joel's feelings, 174 00:08:15,153 --> 00:08:19,080 and the stud behind the graffiti broke most of the bones in Joel's hand. 175 00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:27,147 I was never able to compete again. 176 00:08:27,848 --> 00:08:30,763 It's been swollen and twisted like this for seven years. 177 00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:32,390 During year four, 178 00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,940 I tried to hammer it flat, but... 179 00:08:35,060 --> 00:08:36,727 I think it just made it worse. 180 00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:39,981 Enjoy your ceiling fan. 181 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,817 Excuse me a minute. 182 00:08:46,528 --> 00:08:48,739 You can't cross Joel off your list yet. 183 00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:51,020 Why not? I gave him back the ceiling fan. 184 00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:53,202 - That's what I stole from him. - We need to do more. 185 00:08:53,362 --> 00:08:56,497 We took away his dream of ever winning a national championship. 186 00:08:56,657 --> 00:08:59,083 Of bagging. I mean, look at him. 187 00:08:59,728 --> 00:09:01,127 He's a sweaty guy. 188 00:09:01,287 --> 00:09:03,159 He's just psyched to have his fan back. 189 00:09:03,279 --> 00:09:04,297 Take care, Joel. 190 00:09:06,876 --> 00:09:08,083 I was stunned. 191 00:09:08,203 --> 00:09:11,004 We didn't just disagree about chips and sandwiches 192 00:09:11,124 --> 00:09:14,002 or peeing with the door open or how to spell "warehouse," 193 00:09:14,122 --> 00:09:17,514 we also didn't agree on the most important thing in my life: the list. 194 00:09:21,057 --> 00:09:23,149 You seem to have a lot of room here. 195 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:26,694 Do you think you might want to adopt an earless rabbit? 196 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:32,450 I was disappointed Billie had given up on Joel. 197 00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:34,575 But I still had a job to do. 198 00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:39,459 Joel was just a store sweeper now 199 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:43,353 and it made me sick to see how this great competitor was humiliated. 200 00:09:44,114 --> 00:09:46,576 I appreciate your good intentions, Earl. 201 00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:49,884 A round-trip ticket to anywhere Greyhound goes is a very generous offer, 202 00:09:50,312 --> 00:09:51,636 but I'm fine. 203 00:09:51,796 --> 00:09:53,128 Hey, southclaw! 204 00:09:53,248 --> 00:09:54,764 Price check on peas. 205 00:09:56,342 --> 00:09:58,434 Nice catch, southclaw's friend. 206 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,596 That was a nice catch. 207 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,152 Wow, you're a natural! 208 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:11,113 - Natural what? - A natural bagger. 209 00:10:15,644 --> 00:10:18,228 Hands that special are a rare gift, Earl. 210 00:10:18,641 --> 00:10:21,357 Some say Jesus had hands like that, 211 00:10:21,642 --> 00:10:25,419 and that he fit every food item from the Last Supper into one bag. 212 00:10:26,066 --> 00:10:27,797 If only I had your hands now, 213 00:10:27,957 --> 00:10:30,414 instead of this clump of spastic meat. 214 00:10:31,828 --> 00:10:34,929 Earl, that's it. That's what you could do for me. 215 00:10:36,092 --> 00:10:39,559 Yeah, I'd love to find a simpler way to help you without giving you my hands. 216 00:10:39,719 --> 00:10:42,111 No, I don't want your hands. I want to train them. 217 00:10:42,231 --> 00:10:44,981 I'll never be a champion, but I can make one. 218 00:10:45,268 --> 00:10:48,442 Work with me, and we'll win the National Bagger title together. 219 00:10:48,602 --> 00:10:50,861 Me? I never even graduated high school. 220 00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:52,147 That doesn't matter. 221 00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:55,709 With my knowledge and your incredible ability to grab things, 222 00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:57,493 we could do this, Earl. 223 00:10:59,263 --> 00:11:01,690 Together, we'll be unstoppable. 224 00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:03,520 So Joel started training me. 225 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,151 It was like Rocky meets Supermarket Sweep. 226 00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:07,802 Don't see the food. 227 00:11:08,079 --> 00:11:09,293 Feel the food. 228 00:11:15,388 --> 00:11:17,146 Come on, come on, come on! 229 00:11:18,716 --> 00:11:20,724 Come on, do it again! You can do this! 230 00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:25,202 Come on! 231 00:11:31,702 --> 00:11:32,528 Again! 232 00:11:37,724 --> 00:11:40,374 There. You crossed your right hand under your left, 233 00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:42,973 and then you had to uncross it before you reached for the next item. 234 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,803 - Did you see that? - I think so. 235 00:11:44,923 --> 00:11:47,048 You think so?! Let's watch it again. 236 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,407 And then, just like that, 237 00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:55,609 all the drills, the sweat, it all clicked into place. 238 00:11:56,941 --> 00:11:58,763 I got it! I got it! 239 00:11:59,989 --> 00:12:03,747 In fact, I got it so much that I won the 1st round of the tournament. 240 00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:05,800 Bag Blue, winner! 241 00:12:06,887 --> 00:12:09,035 How about a big hand for newcomer Earl Hickey, 242 00:12:09,155 --> 00:12:11,495 who's moving on to the Elite Eight! 243 00:12:13,054 --> 00:12:14,578 I also won the 2nd round 244 00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:16,835 against some schmo from Schenectady. 245 00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:20,178 And Barry Schmo heads home with an empty sack! 246 00:12:20,617 --> 00:12:24,274 And in a tough one, I took care of Angry Gustav from Baltimore. 247 00:12:25,269 --> 00:12:26,365 Bag Blue... 248 00:12:28,589 --> 00:12:30,173 Clean up on table two. 249 00:12:31,219 --> 00:12:33,859 And that put me in the finals against Lance Parker, 250 00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:35,460 a giant in the bagging world. 251 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,385 He also went by the name of Bagger Lance. 252 00:12:37,545 --> 00:12:38,928 Can I have your autograph? 253 00:12:39,304 --> 00:12:41,557 You want that on paper or plastic? 254 00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:44,701 This kid just asked for my autograph. 255 00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:47,588 I said, "You want that on paper or plastic?" 256 00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:51,929 He's a 12-time champion, Earl. You got to beat him! 257 00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:53,580 Don't worry, Joel. 258 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,000 It's in the bag. 259 00:12:55,409 --> 00:12:57,704 Backstage, Randy tried to keep me loose. 260 00:12:57,824 --> 00:13:00,374 Man, Earl, your glutes are really tight. 261 00:13:00,494 --> 00:13:02,827 Probably 'cause you got your hands on my glutes. 262 00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:06,997 Sorry I'm late. I was just finishing up my list. 263 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,417 - You finished it already? - Yeah. 264 00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,918 - How could you finish so fast? - Maybe she did them in order. 265 00:13:14,038 --> 00:13:16,162 I keep telling you, if we did yours in order, 266 00:13:16,282 --> 00:13:18,426 at least we'd have some idea how we're doing. 267 00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,827 I called everyone up, and said I was sorry. 268 00:13:20,947 --> 00:13:23,215 So, the tourists you carjacked and robbed, 269 00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:25,266 you just said you were sorry? 270 00:13:25,426 --> 00:13:27,726 Well, actually, they're back in Japan, 271 00:13:27,886 --> 00:13:29,824 and the Japanese hunt whales, and that's bad, 272 00:13:29,944 --> 00:13:31,230 so I figured it was a wash. 273 00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:33,274 And you feel fine about that? 274 00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:37,156 Yeah. Karma doesn't have to be as hard as you make it, Earl. 275 00:13:38,052 --> 00:13:41,240 Three years and you haven't even finished half the stuff on your list? 276 00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:44,285 I had to take two weeks off for the chicken pox. 277 00:13:44,445 --> 00:13:47,831 All I am saying is, work smarter, not harder. 278 00:13:49,408 --> 00:13:51,965 It looks like the student is becoming the master. 279 00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:53,794 How you like that, Grasshopper? 280 00:13:55,664 --> 00:13:57,823 When you're married, you have to bite your tongue 281 00:13:57,943 --> 00:14:01,853 over the little things that don't matter but some things matter a lot. 282 00:14:03,326 --> 00:14:04,725 This one's not me. 283 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,391 - What? - This one is not me. 284 00:14:07,974 --> 00:14:11,134 Maybe I was wrong to complain about crunch, sandwich, crunch, 285 00:14:11,254 --> 00:14:12,646 or whose Van Halen's better, 286 00:14:12,806 --> 00:14:15,696 but this is Karma we're talking about here. Karma! 287 00:14:15,816 --> 00:14:17,902 - You're wrong! - Are you gonna cry? 288 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:20,289 I don't know. Maybe. But I do know, 289 00:14:20,409 --> 00:14:22,703 you don't half-ass something just to get it done. 290 00:14:22,823 --> 00:14:25,071 Whether it's competive bagging or doing the list, 291 00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:28,587 especially the list. You pour your whole damn heart into it! 292 00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:30,414 Or, what the hell's the point? 293 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,167 And how do you like it when someone pokes you, huh? 294 00:14:34,713 --> 00:14:36,795 Finger! Finger! Finger! Finger! 295 00:14:37,122 --> 00:14:39,169 - What the hell?! - Oh, I'm sorry. 296 00:14:39,447 --> 00:14:41,011 I acted on instinct. 297 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,220 I have bad finger-pointing memories. I had a very picky mother. 298 00:14:45,798 --> 00:14:47,681 At least you know never to do that again. 299 00:14:49,426 --> 00:14:51,060 Good luck out there, you. 300 00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:57,423 I think it's broken. 301 00:14:57,935 --> 00:15:01,119 I know how to fix that. You just twist it back the other way. 302 00:15:01,239 --> 00:15:03,073 - Randy, let go! - Hang in there, Earl. 303 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,222 I'm only about halfway around. 304 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,411 Didn't make sense. 305 00:15:08,531 --> 00:15:11,871 Karma had brought me and Billie together so I could teach her to do her list, 306 00:15:12,005 --> 00:15:14,208 but instead, now I couldn't do mine. 307 00:15:14,558 --> 00:15:15,501 That hurt? 308 00:15:16,076 --> 00:15:19,054 Yup, it's broken. If I let you go back there like this, 309 00:15:19,174 --> 00:15:21,389 they could pull my bagging competition inspection license, 310 00:15:21,509 --> 00:15:23,703 and I can't remember the Web site where I got it. 311 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,594 So, I'll inform the judges. 312 00:15:27,756 --> 00:15:30,266 So sorry, Joel. I hope you're not mad at me. 313 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:31,973 Look, Earl, 314 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:35,396 you reminded me that some things are worth living for. 315 00:15:36,059 --> 00:15:37,890 And then you took that away. 316 00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:39,775 So, of course I'm mad at you. 317 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,952 Hey, you each have one good hand. 318 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,260 Together, you have two good hands, 319 00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:47,822 four good eyes, pretty smiles. 320 00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:49,721 You guys are handsome. 321 00:15:50,246 --> 00:15:52,621 Wait. Where was I going with this again? 322 00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:57,402 Randy's right, we do have two good hands. 323 00:15:57,522 --> 00:15:59,211 Joel, get the rule book. 324 00:16:00,845 --> 00:16:02,633 Can I have your attention? 325 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,801 Due to a forfeit, this year's Golden Sack Award goes to... 326 00:16:08,505 --> 00:16:09,680 Earl's gonna bag? 327 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,329 Ladies and gentlemen, Earl Hickey's gonna bag! 328 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,190 And he's gonna bag with me. 329 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:16,448 The rule book doesn't say that two people can't bag. 330 00:16:16,568 --> 00:16:19,055 It just says you can only use two hands. 331 00:16:22,038 --> 00:16:23,444 - This is outrageous. - No. 332 00:16:23,604 --> 00:16:24,941 Let 'em do it. 333 00:16:25,061 --> 00:16:27,698 I'll beat both these turkeys at the same time. 334 00:16:27,818 --> 00:16:29,108 Mano a mano. 335 00:16:30,004 --> 00:16:30,906 A mano. 336 00:16:39,578 --> 00:16:40,691 Isn't she something? 337 00:16:40,811 --> 00:16:43,130 Jennifer Jackson, this year's Miss Bag On Her Head. 338 00:16:43,866 --> 00:16:45,094 Okay, baggers, 339 00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:47,426 take your marks, get set. 340 00:16:47,586 --> 00:16:48,844 Bag! Bag! Bag! 341 00:16:51,507 --> 00:16:54,790 Bagger Lance had both his hands perfectly coordinated. 342 00:16:55,093 --> 00:16:56,125 We did not. 343 00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:03,018 Lance was so good, he was even hamming it up for the crowd. 344 00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:09,956 Bag Red. 345 00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:13,510 Anyway, the vet said he should be able 346 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,857 to live a completely normal rabbit life. 347 00:17:15,977 --> 00:17:18,576 He just won't be able to hear long distances. 348 00:17:18,696 --> 00:17:19,884 I told you, Randy. 349 00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:23,193 I'll only take him if you let me make him into stew. 350 00:17:23,427 --> 00:17:27,072 Lance had gotten a head start, but we finally found our rhythm, too. 351 00:17:32,339 --> 00:17:33,295 Bag Blue! 352 00:17:45,038 --> 00:17:45,901 Bag Red! 353 00:17:47,771 --> 00:17:50,572 We were still a little behind, so we had to step it up. 354 00:17:52,317 --> 00:17:53,321 Bag Blue! 355 00:17:53,569 --> 00:17:55,888 Since Bagger Lance was a 12-time champion, 356 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,976 he started getting a little overconfident, 357 00:17:58,096 --> 00:18:00,516 and he reached for a pineapple too recklessly. 358 00:18:00,875 --> 00:18:01,792 I'm cut! 359 00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:04,461 But even that didn't slow him down. 360 00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:06,694 Lance was the best bagger I'd ever seen. 361 00:18:06,814 --> 00:18:09,142 - Stupid fruit! - And I'd seen five. 362 00:18:09,429 --> 00:18:11,593 We didn't have more hands than he did, 363 00:18:11,753 --> 00:18:13,679 but what we did have was more hearts. 364 00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:15,946 Tangelo! 365 00:18:30,105 --> 00:18:31,155 Bag Blue. 366 00:18:33,442 --> 00:18:34,658 Earl won! He did it! 367 00:18:35,293 --> 00:18:36,888 We get to go home now. 368 00:18:42,159 --> 00:18:44,115 What a victory. Congratulations, gentlemen. 369 00:18:44,235 --> 00:18:47,938 - You just bagged yourself a trophy. - No, we double bagged it. 370 00:18:50,382 --> 00:18:53,427 Maybe some people think this bagging stuff is silly, 371 00:18:53,587 --> 00:18:55,006 but it's been my life's passion 372 00:18:55,126 --> 00:18:57,723 ever since my first trip to a grocery store. 373 00:18:57,883 --> 00:18:59,807 Stepping on that black pad, 374 00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:01,781 the doors whistling open, 375 00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:03,601 the beep of the scanner. 376 00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:05,564 Anyway, 377 00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:07,649 you gave me my life back. 378 00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:10,110 Nice bagging, Joel! 379 00:19:10,646 --> 00:19:11,927 Thanks, ladies. 380 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,533 Grocery groupies. They love a winner. 381 00:19:17,275 --> 00:19:19,661 Anyway, thanks for everything, Earl. 382 00:19:20,991 --> 00:19:22,331 You're welcome, Joel. 383 00:19:27,446 --> 00:19:28,679 I get it now. 384 00:19:28,799 --> 00:19:31,256 I wasn't putting my whole heart into this list thing. 385 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,551 But seeing how hard you two worked up there, 386 00:19:34,711 --> 00:19:36,858 and seeing how proud Joel is now... 387 00:19:38,308 --> 00:19:40,220 Well, how proud both of you are. 388 00:19:40,705 --> 00:19:41,642 I get it. 389 00:19:41,802 --> 00:19:44,176 That means more to me than you know. 390 00:19:44,846 --> 00:19:46,730 It did mean a lot, 'cause if me and Billie 391 00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:50,609 could see eye-to-eye about Karma, maybe we were gonna be all right after. 392 00:19:51,144 --> 00:19:54,191 You know what I was thinking when you were standing up there? 393 00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:56,330 You should lose the mustache. 394 00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:00,744 You need to shave it. 395 00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:04,687 - I don't like her. - She's got to go.