1
00:00:04,184 --> 00:00:08,788
Oh! This lemon blueberry
bread is rocking my world.
2
00:00:08,855 --> 00:00:10,389
Ugh! I can't believe this!
3
00:00:10,457 --> 00:00:13,025
You know that casino project
that I spearheaded in china?
4
00:00:13,093 --> 00:00:16,796
You know, Hun Chun Fow Yeune?
They had their grand opening.
5
00:00:16,863 --> 00:00:18,030
What am I looking at?
6
00:00:18,098 --> 00:00:19,632
It's just like an effeminate chinese man
7
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:20,933
With a big pair of scissors?
8
00:00:21,001 --> 00:00:22,201
Yeah, that's Ryuichi.
9
00:00:22,269 --> 00:00:23,803
- Your former assistant?
- Yeah.
10
00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:26,305
Now he's cutting the ribbon.
That should be me wielding
11
00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:27,673
those giant golden scissors.
12
00:00:27,741 --> 00:00:29,275
You know, that's big business for you.
13
00:00:29,343 --> 00:00:31,944
- Everybody's disposable.
- You know what, who needs them?
14
00:00:32,012 --> 00:00:33,713
We're gonna get you a
big-ass pair of scissors
15
00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:35,748
over at joan's fabric barn later today.
16
00:00:35,816 --> 00:00:36,749
[Scoffs] Thanks.
17
00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:38,017
Thanks for everything, Candy!
18
00:00:38,085 --> 00:00:39,452
Hey, Mark. What are you up to?
19
00:00:39,519 --> 00:00:40,653
Someone get murdered in the kitchen?
20
00:00:40,721 --> 00:00:42,288
I wish. No, I'm taking over
21
00:00:42,356 --> 00:00:43,990
Chief McGrath's annual fundraiser.
22
00:00:44,057 --> 00:00:45,825
He asked me to do it
'cause he's in the hospital.
23
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,159
Oh, 'cause of that goiter on his neck?
24
00:00:47,227 --> 00:00:48,461
Yeah, it exploded at the police station.
25
00:00:48,528 --> 00:00:49,895
Oh, god. What was inside
of it... was it hard?
26
00:00:49,963 --> 00:00:51,864
No, it was like the inside of key lime pie.
27
00:00:51,932 --> 00:00:53,132
Oh, like a custard.
28
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,800
- Guys, no! No!
- I'm sorry.
29
00:00:54,868 --> 00:00:56,969
Anyway, I just... I have to
organize this spaghetti dinner
30
00:00:57,037 --> 00:01:00,174
for his wife's charity. It's
for the shaking chihuahuas.
31
00:01:00,074 --> 00:01:02,703
The chihuahuas with nerve disorders.
32
00:01:02,703 --> 00:01:04,944
Oh, god. And they're already
so shaky to begin with.
33
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:06,145
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, 'cause they're so cold
34
00:01:06,213 --> 00:01:07,613
- and they're...
- Both: So far from home.
35
00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:09,949
Well, it's just a big, fat pain in the ass,
36
00:01:10,017 --> 00:01:11,350
And I don't have the time to do it.
37
00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:12,852
Well, why don't you let Emma help you?
38
00:01:12,919 --> 00:01:14,720
She's phenomenal at this stuff.
And we were just talking about
39
00:01:14,788 --> 00:01:18,190
how she... how she started,
um, How Chun Wu Tang.
40
00:01:18,258 --> 00:01:19,925
Maggie, How Chun Fow Yeune.
41
00:01:19,993 --> 00:01:21,193
- That's what I said.
- No, it isn't.
42
00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:22,795
- I'm sure it's what I said.
- No.
43
00:01:22,863 --> 00:01:24,997
Well, anyway, it's just a spaghetti dinner.
44
00:01:25,065 --> 00:01:26,399
You know, that's all.
45
00:01:26,466 --> 00:01:27,767
Mark, if your boss did ask you,
46
00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:30,236
out of all the cops, to be
in charge of this thing,
47
00:01:30,303 --> 00:01:31,871
It is kind of an opportunity to impress him.
48
00:01:31,938 --> 00:01:33,439
Well, how exactly do I do that?
49
00:01:33,507 --> 00:01:35,508
Choose a theme. Create
an element of surprise.
50
00:01:35,575 --> 00:01:37,877
Make it exclusive, so
everyone feels special.
51
00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:39,945
Man, h... oh, boy.
52
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:43,282
I mean, I could help you...
53
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,418
But you'd have to ask.
54
00:01:45,485 --> 00:01:46,819
Then never mind. I can't do that.
55
00:01:46,887 --> 00:01:48,788
- Okay. I'll do it.
- I'm not asking, Emma.
56
00:01:48,855 --> 00:01:50,156
All right, but I'm already doing it.
57
00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,391
I'm back, and I'm back in business!
58
00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:54,060
All right, you wanna run and
get some of those big scissors?
59
00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:56,095
No. Yes.
60
00:01:56,804 --> 00:02:01,792
Synced by emmasan
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:18,751
Thank you for having us today, officers.
62
00:02:18,819 --> 00:02:19,752
[Triumphant music plays] We...
63
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,520
- Oh!
- No, Maggie. Not now.
64
00:02:21,588 --> 00:02:22,888
- What's that?
- Not now, buddy, not now.
65
00:02:22,956 --> 00:02:24,990
What do you mean not now?
Oh, god, I'm so excited.
66
00:02:25,058 --> 00:02:26,659
[Both laugh] Okay.
67
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:29,228
Listen up, everyone. Last
year, you made roughly
68
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:31,097
$1,000 on the spaghetti dinner.
69
00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:33,099
Well, we think we could do better.
70
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:36,168
So, Maggie and I have cooked
up a little razzamatazz.
71
00:02:36,236 --> 00:02:38,871
Yeah, razzamatazz.
72
00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:39,939
- Maggie, now.
- Now?
73
00:02:40,006 --> 00:02:41,340
- Yep.
- Gosh. Okay.
74
00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:42,875
[Triumphant music plays] Whoo!
75
00:02:42,943 --> 00:02:45,845
Both: Rosie's After Dark!
76
00:02:45,912 --> 00:02:48,748
An elegant evening of
cocktails and gambling,
77
00:02:48,815 --> 00:02:50,649
hosted by the Pinebrook police!
78
00:02:50,717 --> 00:02:52,451
- Think rat pack.
- It's classic Vegas!
79
00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:54,787
That's actually pretty good.
You... it's great work, guys.
80
00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,055
L-let's do it.
81
00:02:56,123 --> 00:02:57,456
And then,
82
00:02:57,524 --> 00:03:00,593
After everyone's had
their fill of spaghetts,
83
00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:03,529
We lower the lights...
The music will begin...
84
00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:05,464
And you guys jump on
stage and start to strip.
85
00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:06,665
Both: Whoo!
86
00:03:06,733 --> 00:03:07,867
Shaking that ass and making that money!
87
00:03:07,934 --> 00:03:08,934
- Ow! Ow!
- Whoo!
88
00:03:09,002 --> 00:03:10,402
- Whoo!
- Uh, no.
89
00:03:10,470 --> 00:03:12,404
- No, no, no.
- Ow! Ow!
90
00:03:12,472 --> 00:03:14,640
Are you two out of your
minds? We are policemen.
91
00:03:14,708 --> 00:03:16,909
We have a level of integrity
and respect to maintain.
92
00:03:16,977 --> 00:03:19,078
Okay, I understand that, but sex sells.
93
00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:21,280
And every woman loves a man in uniform.
94
00:03:21,348 --> 00:03:22,982
- Oh, yeah.
- Right there.
95
00:03:23,049 --> 00:03:24,283
Loving everything I'm seeing here.
96
00:03:24,351 --> 00:03:27,086
And I can charge $50 a
head for a strip show,
97
00:03:27,154 --> 00:03:29,789
Which will make our profits rise by...
98
00:03:29,856 --> 00:03:31,724
- Like 10,000%.
- Yeah, well, roughly.
99
00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,058
We're still working out the numbers.
100
00:03:33,126 --> 00:03:36,295
But I promise you, it will
be a significant bump.
101
00:03:36,363 --> 00:03:37,730
- And grind.
- Oh!
102
00:03:37,798 --> 00:03:39,431
- Oh! Nailed it.
- Oh, I gave that one to you!
103
00:03:39,499 --> 00:03:40,666
- Okay, listen.
- Whoo! Whoo!
104
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:41,934
You guys are not hearing me. All right?
105
00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,903
There will be no cops stripping.
106
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,438
We're not going to go out
there and embarrass ourselves.
107
00:03:46,506 --> 00:03:47,940
[police radio chatter]
108
00:03:48,008 --> 00:03:49,842
This is 268. Show us responding.
109
00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:51,877
I love everything up to the stripping, okay?
110
00:03:51,945 --> 00:03:53,712
Let's just do the "Rosie's After Dark" thing
111
00:03:53,780 --> 00:03:55,614
- and keep our pants on.
- [Groans]
112
00:03:55,682 --> 00:03:56,682
Let's go, guys.
113
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:57,950
Thanks for your time, everybody.
114
00:03:58,018 --> 00:03:59,618
I'm sorry, Emma. It was a good idea.
115
00:03:59,686 --> 00:04:01,153
No, listen, you know what? He's not brave.
116
00:04:01,221 --> 00:04:02,621
What it is, he's afraid of success.
117
00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:03,789
What am I gonna do? Hey.
118
00:04:03,857 --> 00:04:06,325
Could we really make 10,000% more money
119
00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:07,793
If we did this strip thing?
120
00:04:07,861 --> 00:04:09,061
Roughly.
121
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:11,931
Then we are 10 kajillion percent on board.
122
00:04:11,998 --> 00:04:13,332
You guys really want to do it?
123
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,800
- Yeah.
- Okay then!
124
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:16,335
We're on. Can you just give us
125
00:04:16,403 --> 00:04:18,437
A hot second, bro? Yeah.
126
00:04:18,505 --> 00:04:20,005
- This is exciting!
- I know.
127
00:04:20,073 --> 00:04:22,374
But didn't Mark just say we
definitely shouldn't do this?
128
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:24,443
Okay, this happens in business all the time.
129
00:04:24,511 --> 00:04:26,345
- Mm-hmm.
- Mark is afraid to take a risk.
130
00:04:26,413 --> 00:04:28,547
Trust me... once he sees
how much money he's making,
131
00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:30,216
He's gonna get on board. Hey, guys?
132
00:04:30,283 --> 00:04:32,918
Would you mind if we maybe
kept it a secret from Mark,
133
00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:34,854
Just like at least until
we sell the tickets?
134
00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:36,522
I will carry this to my grave.
135
00:04:36,590 --> 00:04:38,023
Okay, that's intense.
136
00:04:38,091 --> 00:04:40,926
Maggie is going to be your
dance coach. She's amazing.
137
00:04:40,994 --> 00:04:43,062
She's going to help you
work out your choreography.
138
00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:44,430
Yeah, don't let this belly fool you.
139
00:04:44,497 --> 00:04:46,065
I still got the moves. Oh.
140
00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:47,399
- Oh, sure she does!
- Whoo!
141
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:48,968
Oh, sure she does!
142
00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:51,804
So for your homework tonight,
I would like for you to go home
143
00:04:51,872 --> 00:04:54,840
and journal about what dance means to you.
144
00:04:54,908 --> 00:04:56,842
- Mmm.
- Also, shave your balls.
145
00:04:56,910 --> 00:04:59,111
Okay, guys. Journal and shave the nutsacks.
146
00:04:59,179 --> 00:05:01,714
Yeah. Half my homework's already done.
147
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,551
Yeah, that port-a-potty
quote's not gonna work for me.
148
00:05:05,619 --> 00:05:07,486
You know, your slogan says
that you're number one
149
00:05:07,554 --> 00:05:09,655
in the number two business,
but I'm just not feeling it.
150
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:11,690
- [whispers] hey.
- Why don't you
151
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:13,893
call me back when you're
ready to cut the crap
152
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,362
and get my people poopin' in your potties?
153
00:05:16,429 --> 00:05:17,730
She'll call me back in 30 seconds.
154
00:05:17,797 --> 00:05:19,298
- Okay.
- God, it feels so good
155
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:20,833
to be back in business mode, you know?
156
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,534
- I'm running this town.
- Good.
157
00:05:22,602 --> 00:05:24,370
Hey, what's up with this bag of teeth?
158
00:05:24,437 --> 00:05:25,738
It's evidence.
159
00:05:25,805 --> 00:05:27,806
When you go in that drawer,
it's always evidence.
160
00:05:27,874 --> 00:05:30,175
- Now give me my desk back.
- Oh, no can do.
161
00:05:30,243 --> 00:05:31,977
This is officially my command center, okay?
162
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,812
'Cause I'm waiting for
callbacks from vendors
163
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,048
and also, I got permits out to the city,
164
00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:39,251
Because we, my friend, are oversold.
165
00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:41,186
- That's amazing!
- Not bad, right?
166
00:05:41,254 --> 00:05:42,922
See? I told you we didn't
have to take our clothes off
167
00:05:42,989 --> 00:05:46,525
- to get people to come.
- Yeah, um, about that...
168
00:05:46,593 --> 00:05:48,294
You know, I gotta say,
169
00:05:48,361 --> 00:05:49,695
It's nice to see this side of you.
170
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,196
I mean, you are really killing it.
171
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:53,432
- [mouthing words]
- No, no, don't be humble.
172
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,768
I just really appreciate
you doing all this for me,
173
00:05:55,835 --> 00:05:58,737
And that for once you're
respecting my wishes.
174
00:05:58,805 --> 00:05:59,905
Okay.
175
00:05:59,973 --> 00:06:02,741
- Thank you.
- Yeah. Okay.
176
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:04,143
- Yeah, just carry on.
- All right.
177
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:06,245
Good work.
178
00:06:06,313 --> 00:06:07,780
Get out of here!
179
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,215
Five, six, ready, go.
180
00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:13,719
And walk, walk, stir the pot,
and body roll, body roll.
181
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:16,121
All right! We're getting it!
So what I'd love
182
00:06:16,189 --> 00:06:19,558
for you guys to do is think
about what's really happening.
183
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:22,594
Okay? This is the seduction of a woman.
184
00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:25,064
A woman wants you to maybe
do a slow "tootsee roll."
185
00:06:25,131 --> 00:06:27,433
Can we try that? A slow "tootsee roll."
186
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,868
And put your booty out. Just drop it.
187
00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:31,904
Get real slow and nasty.
188
00:06:31,972 --> 00:06:33,739
Get nasty with that butt.
189
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,808
Hey, you know what? Let's do a new combo.
190
00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:38,944
Here we go. And five, six, seven, eight.
191
00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:42,648
And punch, punch, arrested,
thrust, thrust, slap, slap,
192
00:06:42,716 --> 00:06:46,685
Walk, walk, stir the pot,
and body roll, body roll.
193
00:06:46,753 --> 00:06:48,754
I like it! How about we take five?
194
00:06:48,822 --> 00:06:50,656
Dry off our necks. Take five, guys.
195
00:06:50,724 --> 00:06:52,257
- A lot of neck sweat.
- Cool off and dry your necks.
196
00:06:52,325 --> 00:06:54,226
Hey, Ms. Maggie, can I
talk to you for a sec?
197
00:06:54,294 --> 00:06:55,627
Yeah, what is it, Danny?
198
00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:57,429
Look, I don't think I can do this.
199
00:06:57,497 --> 00:06:59,331
- What? Why?
- You see me out there.
200
00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:01,533
I can't dance. What are you talking about?
201
00:07:01,601 --> 00:07:03,836
You have a raw, natural talent.
202
00:07:03,903 --> 00:07:07,573
My ex-girlfriend once told me
that I move like a big pig.
203
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,808
- Oh, my... a big pig?
- Yeah.
204
00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:13,679
Just rolling around in the
mud. Jawin' on a corncob.
205
00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:15,948
Oh, goodness. I'm glad she's your ex.
206
00:07:16,016 --> 00:07:17,916
Yeah. It's just I think
she got me in my head,
207
00:07:17,984 --> 00:07:19,818
And I just don't think I can do this.
208
00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:24,623
Okay. Danny, dancing is
all about confidence, okay?
209
00:07:24,691 --> 00:07:27,526
So can I ask you one question?
210
00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:31,030
Do you want to dance?
211
00:07:31,097 --> 00:07:32,698
[Sighs]
212
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:36,435
Danny, look at me.
213
00:07:36,503 --> 00:07:39,638
Do... you want... to dance?
214
00:07:39,706 --> 00:07:44,443
I do. I want to dance.
215
00:07:44,511 --> 00:07:47,513
Then you, my friend, are a dancer.
216
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,248
- Okay?
- Wait. Just like that?
217
00:07:49,315 --> 00:07:50,883
All right, guys. Let's do it again.
218
00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:53,218
We're gonna get back into this
combo, and we're gonna own it.
219
00:07:53,286 --> 00:07:54,720
Don't mind me. I'm just
gonna watch from the corner.
220
00:07:54,788 --> 00:07:56,055
- Okay?
- Oh, yeah.
221
00:07:56,122 --> 00:07:57,222
Can't wait to see what you're cooking up.
222
00:07:57,290 --> 00:07:58,424
Just keep in mind: Work in progress.
223
00:07:58,491 --> 00:07:59,792
- Absolutely.
- Here we go.
224
00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:02,728
Five, six, seven, eight,
and walk, walk, stir the pot,
225
00:08:02,796 --> 00:08:04,663
And body roll, body roll,
226
00:08:04,731 --> 00:08:08,133
And walk, walk, stir the pot,
and body roll, bo...
227
00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:10,069
Sorry. Danny, what are you, um...
228
00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:11,303
What are you doing?
229
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,971
I'm just doing what you're doing.
230
00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:15,741
Oh! I'm sorry. I'm just real pregnant.
231
00:08:15,809 --> 00:08:19,011
- That's why I was doing it.
- Damn it. I'm just a big pig.
232
00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:20,646
Hey, I could do more of
those thrusts if you want.
233
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:22,047
I got no problem with those thrusts.
234
00:08:22,115 --> 00:08:23,382
You do have a lot of flexibility
235
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:24,950
- in your hip-flexer.
- Mags, could I just talk to you
236
00:08:25,018 --> 00:08:26,418
- for just one sec?
- Sure. Yeah.
237
00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,754
You guys wanna keep running
through that just one more time?
238
00:08:28,822 --> 00:08:31,123
Great work, guys, though! Really good.
239
00:08:31,191 --> 00:08:33,659
Everything. I-I'm seeing at all.
240
00:08:33,726 --> 00:08:34,760
Hey, I'm really concerned.
241
00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:36,161
These meatballs are looking terrible.
242
00:08:36,229 --> 00:08:37,463
- Five, six, seven, eight.
- What?
243
00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:39,098
- Look at them... they're amazing.
- Okay, but why
244
00:08:39,165 --> 00:08:41,467
is he doing that whack-a-mole
thing with his arms?
245
00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:43,769
I'm not sure. I did not tell him to do that.
246
00:08:43,837 --> 00:08:45,404
- We are... we're working on...
- Hey, it's not funny.
247
00:08:45,472 --> 00:08:47,005
Mark is really depending on me.
248
00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:48,874
We have two whole days, okay?
249
00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:51,009
And I'm not afraid to go full
Debbie Allen on their asses.
250
00:08:51,077 --> 00:08:53,212
No, no, no. I trust you.
It's just I'm afraid
251
00:08:53,279 --> 00:08:55,714
we're not working with grade-a beef here.
252
00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:57,216
[Grunts]
253
00:08:57,283 --> 00:09:01,353
Okay, yes, they are meatballs,
but everybody loves meatballs
254
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:03,989
if you prepare them the right way.
255
00:09:04,057 --> 00:09:06,091
All right, let's run
through that combo again.
256
00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:12,097
Mark. My good friend, Mark.
257
00:09:12,165 --> 00:09:15,434
I, uh, pulled you over because
you were doing 50 in a 35.
258
00:09:15,502 --> 00:09:18,871
Yes, I was. I was trying to
get somewhere very quickly.
259
00:09:18,938 --> 00:09:20,906
That is what speeding is, Mr. Nanjiani.
260
00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:22,608
I'm going to have to write you up this time.
261
00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:25,177
How about if I was rushing to buy tickets
262
00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:28,881
to see you take your clothes off, huh?
263
00:09:28,948 --> 00:09:30,015
What?
264
00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:31,817
Someone put this on my windshield.
265
00:09:31,885 --> 00:09:33,585
"Good cops gone bad"?
266
00:09:33,653 --> 00:09:36,155
- God damn it, Emma.
- So you wanna give me
267
00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:38,457
a free sample of your sexy show?
268
00:09:38,525 --> 00:09:39,758
My what?
269
00:09:39,826 --> 00:09:41,293
This is faroon patoosh. [Upbeat music plays]
270
00:09:41,361 --> 00:09:43,061
This is the bob seger of Pakistan.
271
00:09:43,129 --> 00:09:44,630
Dance, Mark! Dance!
272
00:09:44,697 --> 00:09:45,998
No, I am an officer of the law.
273
00:09:46,065 --> 00:09:47,466
- There will be no dancing, okay?
- Dance! Dance, Mark!
274
00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:48,800
I'll wait until the show.
275
00:09:48,868 --> 00:09:50,836
There's not gonna be a show, okay?
276
00:09:50,904 --> 00:09:52,204
- The show is cancelled.
- Come on, mark!
277
00:09:52,272 --> 00:09:54,673
- As of right now.
- Shake what your mama gave you!
278
00:09:54,741 --> 00:09:56,475
[Music continues] Come on, do it!
279
00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:03,789
You wanna dance?
280
00:10:04,635 --> 00:10:08,373
Well, right here is
where you start payin'...
281
00:10:09,516 --> 00:10:11,317
In sweat!
282
00:10:11,385 --> 00:10:15,888
I wanna see you sweat.
Leave it all on the floor!
283
00:10:15,956 --> 00:10:17,957
And five, six, seven, eight,
284
00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:21,060
And one, two, and three,
four, and five, six,
285
00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:22,461
And seven and eight.
286
00:10:22,529 --> 00:10:25,097
Thrust it, thrust it,
slap it, slap it, slap it.
287
00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,800
Whoo! Slap it. Whoo!
Slap it, slap it, slap it.
288
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,068
- Whoo!
- Nope. No.
289
00:10:29,136 --> 00:10:31,904
All right, everybody stop. Stop dancing now.
290
00:10:31,972 --> 00:10:33,673
- What the hell are you wearing?
- What are y...
291
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:35,308
Where is Emma? Emma, get down here!
292
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:36,776
How did you even know we were here?
293
00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:39,312
There are five cop cars outside, Maggie.
294
00:10:39,379 --> 00:10:40,379
Guys, carpool.
295
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:41,647
What the hell is this?
296
00:10:41,715 --> 00:10:43,316
I thought we talked about no stripping.
297
00:10:43,383 --> 00:10:45,451
- Who is this?
- It's from a porno.
298
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,286
It's a porno called Cops And Throbbers,
299
00:10:47,354 --> 00:10:49,222
- which is a porno.
- Please stop saying porno.
300
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,824
Okay, this is exactly what
we talked about not doing.
301
00:10:51,892 --> 00:10:53,092
- So we're not doing it.
- What?
302
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,360
- What?
- It's cancelled, gentlemen.
303
00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:55,661
Can you just hear me out?
304
00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:57,697
We've already made $6,000 in tickets.
305
00:10:57,764 --> 00:10:58,864
Whoa!
306
00:10:58,932 --> 00:11:00,266
$6,000?
307
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:02,268
- Yes.
- Hodid u even do that?
308
00:11:02,336 --> 00:11:04,470
Because I'm an international
business machine.
309
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:05,938
That's what I do. I blow things up.
310
00:11:06,006 --> 00:11:07,139
I make dreams come true.
311
00:11:07,207 --> 00:11:09,175
Oh, I see. Okay.
312
00:11:09,243 --> 00:11:12,511
Mark, I just want you
to know that these guys
313
00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:14,580
have been literally sweating their asses
314
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:17,054
and their butt cheeks and
their necks off for you.
315
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:20,891
You guys really wanna do this?
316
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,593
You're gonna embarrass yourselves.
317
00:11:22,661 --> 00:11:24,262
So what?
318
00:11:24,329 --> 00:11:26,030
We're having a good time and...
319
00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:28,666
- I'm learning about my body.
- Please, Ian,
320
00:11:28,734 --> 00:11:30,101
- I'm begging you, stand down.
- Oh, my god.
321
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:31,769
Guys, maybe Mark is right.
322
00:11:31,837 --> 00:11:33,170
Maybe we shouldn't be doing this.
323
00:11:33,238 --> 00:11:35,773
Danny, no! You were doing so good.
324
00:11:35,841 --> 00:11:39,443
Yeah, man. You got more
heart than any of us.
325
00:11:39,511 --> 00:11:40,611
Really?
326
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,113
Do I lie?
327
00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:46,450
Do I lie, Danny?
328
00:11:49,921 --> 00:11:50,921
I'm in.
329
00:11:50,989 --> 00:11:52,556
- [Cheering]
- Yes!
330
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,025
- Yeah!
- Mark?
331
00:11:56,561 --> 00:11:58,296
All right, fine. Fine. Okay, fine.
332
00:11:58,363 --> 00:11:59,830
- All right!
- Let's do it!
333
00:11:59,898 --> 00:12:01,432
Can you come here for a second?
334
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,235
Back to work. And body roll. And body roll.
335
00:12:04,303 --> 00:12:07,071
I told you I didn't want this,
but you went ahead,
336
00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:08,906
behind my back, and you did it anyway.
337
00:12:08,974 --> 00:12:10,308
I know what I'm doing. It's gonna work.
338
00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:11,542
Can you just trust me?
339
00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:13,244
Chief McGrath has put me in charge of this.
340
00:12:13,312 --> 00:12:15,880
It is my ass that's on the line.
341
00:12:15,947 --> 00:12:17,415
So you had better make it good.
342
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,817
- We will.
- Body roll!
343
00:12:19,885 --> 00:12:21,519
And body roll! Body roll!
344
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:23,254
Everybody body roll! Body roll!
345
00:12:23,322 --> 00:12:26,590
- Body roll! Body roll!
- Body roll! Body roll!
346
00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:29,293
- Body roll! Body roll!
- Body roll!
347
00:12:29,361 --> 00:12:31,962
Body roll, body roll...
348
00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:34,365
[Dance music]
349
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:37,401
[Indistinct chatter]
350
00:12:37,469 --> 00:12:42,306
♪ ♪
351
00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,408
Guys...
352
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:46,177
Can we bring it in for a second?
353
00:12:46,244 --> 00:12:48,245
[Sighs]
354
00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:54,485
I could not be prouder of a group of men.
355
00:12:54,553 --> 00:12:58,155
You have crossed over so
many terrifying boundaries.
356
00:12:58,223 --> 00:13:02,159
And I know for some of us it
was more scary than for others.
357
00:13:02,227 --> 00:13:05,596
I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
358
00:13:05,664 --> 00:13:09,500
So tonight... I want you to move in unison
359
00:13:09,568 --> 00:13:12,303
as if you were one.
360
00:13:12,371 --> 00:13:13,771
One thrust,
361
00:13:13,839 --> 00:13:16,607
one crotch, okay?
362
00:13:16,675 --> 00:13:19,276
But I also want you to
do what we talked about,
363
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:20,644
Which is lock eyes with a woman
364
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,580
- and just really give it to her.
- Mmmhmm.
365
00:13:22,647 --> 00:13:24,749
- As many times as she needs it.
- Guys!
366
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:27,718
I have an exciting announcement to make.
367
00:13:27,786 --> 00:13:29,954
I know Mark was worried about
you embarrassing yourselves
368
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:33,357
out there, so I was able to
pull a few strings and...
369
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:35,726
Antonio, you can come out.
370
00:13:35,794 --> 00:13:39,630
- This is Antonio.
- Hola.
371
00:13:39,698 --> 00:13:41,165
Antonio is a professiona stripper
372
00:13:41,233 --> 00:13:43,334
from the Coconut Grove
section of Miami Beach,
373
00:13:43,402 --> 00:13:45,736
And he's gonna be dancing with you tonight.
374
00:13:45,804 --> 00:13:47,004
What? How is that gonna work?
375
00:13:47,072 --> 00:13:48,973
He doesn't know any of the choreography.
376
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,237
Oh, he's a professional, he doesn't
need to know the choreography.
377
00:13:51,237 --> 00:13:51,942
Is this show, uh,
378
00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:53,778
- full friction?
- Oh, no, no, absolutely not.
379
00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:55,713
I am not taking my shirt off next to that.
380
00:13:55,781 --> 00:13:57,481
The guy doesn't even have hair on his chest.
381
00:13:57,549 --> 00:13:59,183
I don't have hair anywhere. Huh?
382
00:13:59,251 --> 00:14:01,185
[Chuckles] Oooh. Okay.
383
00:14:01,253 --> 00:14:02,820
Okay, I'm sorry. My guys are not dancing
384
00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:04,054
with a Coconut Grove gigolo.
385
00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:05,990
Mags, calm down, okay?
386
00:14:06,057 --> 00:14:07,958
Antonio's the real deal. This is a win-win.
387
00:14:08,026 --> 00:14:09,460
This isn't what we signed up for.
388
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:11,262
I'm out. We're all out.
389
00:14:11,329 --> 00:14:13,597
What? Wait, guys! I think it's a mistake
390
00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:15,099
if you don't dance with Antonio, okay?
391
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:17,835
Just think of him like a little,
uh, hamburger helper.
392
00:14:17,903 --> 00:14:20,070
You know what the worst part is?
393
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:22,573
You made me want it.
394
00:14:22,641 --> 00:14:24,208
Okay, this is a little overreaction...
395
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:25,951
Okay, you know what? This is not okay.
396
00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:28,040
These guys have been busting their asses
397
00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:29,508
and some of them shaved their balls.
398
00:14:29,576 --> 00:14:31,110
I think you are a little
too close to this, okay?
399
00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:33,579
This is for Mark.
It really needs to go well.
400
00:14:33,646 --> 00:14:36,081
And I am sorry, but these
meatballs just aren't ready.
401
00:14:36,149 --> 00:14:37,616
Oh, right. I forgot.
402
00:14:37,684 --> 00:14:40,719
Because in big business,
everybody's disposable.
403
00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:43,021
Okay, that is a totally different situation.
404
00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:44,256
- That's what you said.
- Okay, no.
405
00:14:44,324 --> 00:14:45,758
How does it feel, Ryuichi, to be standing
406
00:14:45,825 --> 00:14:46,992
- in the other shoes?
- Oh, okay.
407
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,627
Don't you dare throw that back in my face,
408
00:14:48,695 --> 00:14:50,662
Because, I'm sorry,
but I am trying to produce
409
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:53,165
a successful male revue, and I need somebody
410
00:14:53,233 --> 00:14:54,967
who knows what they're doing, okay?
411
00:14:55,034 --> 00:14:56,635
I'm sorry.
412
00:14:56,703 --> 00:14:58,103
[Sighs] Elephant or toucan?
413
00:14:58,171 --> 00:15:00,706
Toucan. This isn't amateur hour.
414
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,741
Danny, bring out the spaghetts.
415
00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:04,777
[Overlapping chatter]
416
00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,044
- Hello, Chief McGrath.
- Oh!
417
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:07,446
How's the spaghetti? You ready for seconds?
418
00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:08,914
- It's delicious as usual.
- Yeah, well,
419
00:15:08,982 --> 00:15:10,282
It's the same recipe as last
year. I made sure of it.
420
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,750
You know, from what I
hear, it's the only thing
421
00:15:11,818 --> 00:15:14,753
that's the same as last year.
Bunny here... very excited.
422
00:15:14,821 --> 00:15:17,389
- Oh.
- Mark, I brought signs!
423
00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:18,791
[Chuckles]
424
00:15:18,858 --> 00:15:20,893
I cannot believe you got
our very own police force
425
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,961
to do a strip number. [Chuckles]
426
00:15:23,029 --> 00:15:24,296
Oh, it's just going to be a hoot!
427
00:15:24,364 --> 00:15:26,131
- Look at the turnout, will ya!
- Yeah, I know.
428
00:15:26,199 --> 00:15:27,399
Was this your idea?
429
00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:28,400
Yeah. Yeah.
430
00:15:28,468 --> 00:15:30,602
You know, uh, sex sells.
431
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:32,571
And, uh, women love a man in uniform.
432
00:15:32,639 --> 00:15:34,239
- You can say that again.
- Yeah.
433
00:15:34,307 --> 00:15:35,774
[Giggles]
434
00:15:35,842 --> 00:15:38,177
Hey, Mark,
435
00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:40,579
you and I need to get together
over warm crab cakes.
436
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:42,080
- Okay.
- Talk about your future
437
00:15:42,148 --> 00:15:43,148
at the department.
438
00:15:43,216 --> 00:15:44,349
Thanks, chief. I... you know,
439
00:15:44,417 --> 00:15:46,485
I-I really love crab that's warm in a cake.
440
00:15:46,553 --> 00:15:48,020
[Police siren] We got one minute
441
00:15:48,087 --> 00:15:50,289
- till showtime!
- Shhh. Boys, it's starting.
442
00:15:50,356 --> 00:15:52,090
Sugartush, here, here, here.
443
00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:53,559
All right.
444
00:15:53,626 --> 00:15:54,860
Candy, Candy. I told you.
445
00:15:54,928 --> 00:15:56,061
I need spaghetti on all the tables
446
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,262
before the show starts.
447
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:58,397
Oh, I turned this thing off hours ago.
448
00:15:58,465 --> 00:15:59,832
I can't hear a word you're saying.
449
00:15:59,899 --> 00:16:01,400
- Roger that, Candy.
- Oh, my god.
450
00:16:01,468 --> 00:16:02,835
I wanted to thank you for your help.
451
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:04,536
I mean, I had my doubts,
but I gotta tell ya,
452
00:16:04,604 --> 00:16:06,071
this thing turned out great.
453
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:08,040
Well, you are gonna be even happier,
454
00:16:08,107 --> 00:16:09,975
because the cops are not dancing tonight.
455
00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:11,043
What?
456
00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:12,611
I hired a professional stripper,
457
00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:14,713
and the guys just decided they
didn't want to do it with him.
458
00:16:14,781 --> 00:16:16,014
So, anyway, nobody's gonna be embarrassed.
459
00:16:16,082 --> 00:16:17,716
But this entire audience came here
460
00:16:17,784 --> 00:16:20,352
to see our cops strip.
The cops have to strip.
461
00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:22,354
I thought you didn't want the cops to strip.
462
00:16:22,422 --> 00:16:25,290
Ladies! [crowd cheering]
463
00:16:25,358 --> 00:16:29,595
You do not have the right to remain silent.
464
00:16:29,662 --> 00:16:32,464
- Bring out the men!
- Please welcome to the stage
465
00:16:32,532 --> 00:16:34,633
a policeman who has a warrant out
466
00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:36,301
for your "a-breasts"!
467
00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:40,433
Officer Antonio!
468
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,341
Who is this guy?
469
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,375
Where are the cops?
470
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:52,445
[All booing]
471
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:57,083
[Crowd commotion]
472
00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:00,987
[Booing continues]
473
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,022
Emma, what did you do?
474
00:17:12,815 --> 00:17:14,783
Oh, no.
475
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,618
Oh, yes!
476
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,354
Yes!
477
00:17:19,422 --> 00:17:21,089
Emma, the people showed up to see
478
00:17:21,157 --> 00:17:23,291
the Pinebrook police department.
You gotta get them out there.
479
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,970
Don't worry. I can fix it.
480
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,592
[Booing, shouting continues]
481
00:17:26,925 --> 00:17:28,499
Guys, guys, guys.
482
00:17:28,499 --> 00:17:31,330
Oh, look who it is! The dream killer.
483
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,733
I am really sorry. Okay?
I was totally wrong.
484
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,335
They don't want that. They want you guys.
485
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,337
So I just need you to go on stage right now.
486
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:39,672
No way.
487
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:41,040
Sorry, Em. You treated these guys
488
00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:42,742
like day-old pieces of meatball.
489
00:17:42,809 --> 00:17:44,243
But that's not who they are.
490
00:17:44,311 --> 00:17:46,112
They are people with feelings.
491
00:17:46,179 --> 00:17:48,347
And freshly shorn balls!
492
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,516
Guys, please. I am begging you.
493
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:55,388
All chanting: We want the cops!
We want the cops!
494
00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:57,189
- Oh, God.
- We want the cops!
495
00:17:57,257 --> 00:17:58,724
All right, I better get out there
before they tear the place down.
496
00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:00,926
We want the cops!
497
00:18:00,994 --> 00:18:02,361
We want the cops!
498
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:03,562
What are you waiting for?
499
00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:05,398
I guess I just thought
if I waited long enough,
500
00:18:05,465 --> 00:18:07,566
You guys would change your
minds, like in the movies.
501
00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:09,335
- Nope.
- We want the cops!
502
00:18:09,403 --> 00:18:11,837
We want the cops! We want the cops!
503
00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:13,306
They won't dance.
504
00:18:13,373 --> 00:18:15,107
- They won't?
- This is all my fault.
505
00:18:15,175 --> 00:18:17,943
- I'll take the blame.
- No, Emma! Emma, wait!
506
00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:19,645
All: We want the cops!
507
00:18:19,713 --> 00:18:22,448
Cut the music! Cut it! Oh!
508
00:18:22,516 --> 00:18:25,051
Antonio? You made your 80 bucks. Let's go.
509
00:18:25,118 --> 00:18:26,519
Y-you're hurting that woman.
510
00:18:26,186 --> 00:18:27,436
[Crowd booing] All right, that's it.
511
00:18:27,436 --> 00:18:28,265
Thank you.
512
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:32,758
All right.
513
00:18:32,826 --> 00:18:35,761
Everybody, I am so sorry
to inform... ah! Oh, my...
514
00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:38,264
Okay, can everyone just
please keep the spaghetti
515
00:18:38,332 --> 00:18:40,700
on their plates? Oh! This is a new blazer!
516
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,902
[Noise dies down]
517
00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:45,004
[Cheers and applause]
518
00:18:45,072 --> 00:18:47,573
[Dance music starts]
519
00:18:47,641 --> 00:18:49,041
Mark?
520
00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:52,145
♪ ♪
521
00:18:52,212 --> 00:18:53,479
What are you doing?
522
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:57,183
Shaking my ass and making that money.
523
00:18:57,251 --> 00:19:05,191
♪ ♪
524
00:19:23,443 --> 00:19:24,877
I can't believe Mark's doing this.
525
00:19:24,945 --> 00:19:26,512
- I can't believe those abs!
- Oh, my god.
526
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:27,880
Whoo!
527
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:31,350
Mags, I'm really sorry.
I messed this one up.
528
00:19:31,418 --> 00:19:32,552
Ooh.
529
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:33,819
Oh, god.
530
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:38,659
Were you guys just gonna leave Mark hangin'?
531
00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:42,060
You are right. An officer needs backup.
532
00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:45,252
[Cheering intensifies]
533
00:19:56,442 --> 00:19:57,809
- You're out of your mind.
- Oh, God.
534
00:19:57,876 --> 00:19:59,811
- You're out of your mind.
- I tend to agree.
535
00:19:59,878 --> 00:20:01,349
That's right, ladies.
536
00:20:01,349 --> 00:20:04,585
'Cause what's spaghetti
without some meatballs?
537
00:20:04,652 --> 00:20:12,593
♪ ♪
538
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,441
My god, check out that body roll!
539
00:20:27,509 --> 00:20:29,543
Yeah, that hamburger don't need no helper.
540
00:20:29,611 --> 00:20:31,311
- Oh!
- Okay.
541
00:20:31,379 --> 00:20:39,319
♪ ♪
542
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:06,743
♪ ♪
543
00:21:08,896 --> 00:21:12,265
I was wrong. This is great.
The guys are great.
544
00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,701
And I think the chief is enjoying it.
545
00:21:14,768 --> 00:21:19,105
♪ ♪
546
00:21:19,173 --> 00:21:21,241
Thank you for bailing me out.
547
00:21:21,308 --> 00:21:23,776
I will tell you something.
If this had happened in China,
548
00:21:23,844 --> 00:21:26,179
Those jerks would have
never had my back like that.
549
00:21:26,247 --> 00:21:29,482
The Pinebrook police department
always has your back.
550
00:21:29,550 --> 00:21:30,917
And your front.
551
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,285
- Okay.
- Hey, fellas!
552
00:21:32,353 --> 00:21:33,920
- No, no, no.
- There's a lady over here
553
00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:36,189
that requires your "ass-istance."
554
00:21:36,257 --> 00:21:37,557
- No, guys, please.
- Here we go.
555
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:39,058
- Come on, let's go!
- Please, I don't...
556
00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:41,027
[Overlapping chatter, shouting]
557
00:21:41,095 --> 00:21:42,862
Okay, what is happening right now?
558
00:21:42,930 --> 00:21:46,065
Mags, get up here!
559
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:47,500
Whoo!
560
00:21:49,436 --> 00:21:50,583
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