1
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,590
'I'm totally fine.

2
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,870
'OK, maybe I shouldn't have climbed
this terrifying windy rock face but

3
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,990
'I saw the baby goat and I just had
to save that little critter's life.'

4
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,750
That is mountain goat.

5
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,430
They live on mountain.

6
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,390
You're not saving life,
you're just chasing him.

7
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,590
'Four goats!

8
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,190
'Four of 'em, just sitting on
the mountain like they live here.'

9
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:54,190
Yes. Mountain goat!
I tell you many times!

10
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,550
'Wow, they have awesome balance!

11
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,190
'I don't think I can keep my grip
on such a steep...

12
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,800
'Whoa!'

13
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,430
Young man dressed like,
er, it's special phrase -

14
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,150
in your language, Western man
who think he look Nepalese,

15
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,320
but actually just look like penis.
Phew, oh, so it's not Cuckoo!

16
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,950
Are there any other details?

17
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,750
He remember one final thing.

18
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:34,750
Young man have, how you say...
interesting packed lunch.

19
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,280
On the outside,
hard like leather of the yak...

20
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:45,510
..on the inside, soft and fluffy
like the yawny of the great goddess.

21
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,320
Jacket potato-ah!

22
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,430
Jacket potato-ah!

23
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,350
Jacket potato. Rachel, I'm so sorry.

24
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,990
Jacket potatoes!

25
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,150
Jacket potatoes!

26
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,320
MUSIC: "No Rain"
by Blind Melon

27
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:30,310
♪ All I can say is
that my life is pretty plain

28
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:36,870
♪ I like watchin'
the puddles gather rain

29
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:42,790
♪ And all I can do is just
pour some tea for two... ♪

30
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,790
Get it open right now, Dylan!

31
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,280
Got a good feeling about this, Ken.
Have you? Yes.

32
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,550
Oh, bollocks!
I didn't get any of my choices.

33
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,390
Right, well, sorry, I disown you.
He tried his best!

34
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,550
Anyway, with looks like that,
Dyly doesn't need good grades.

35
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,830
Ha-ha!
I was shitting you, you idiots!

36
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,430
I got in! To do media studies
at the University of Roehampton.

37
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,510
Oh, wow, Dyly! You little shit!

38
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,310
Roehampton! I'll take that, son.
I'll bloody take that! Well done.

39
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,270
Now do you see what a dick you were,
Dad, telling me to work harder?

40
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,750
Aw, we'll miss you when you go
to uni, Dylan. Obviously.

41
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,240
Champagne, I think.
Who cares if it's before work?!

42
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,120
Get it in!

43
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,470
Ben, hello. You seem cheerful.

44
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,270
Well, Dylan actually
got in to university.

45
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,630
Says something
about the state of the country,

46
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,270
but otherwise, great news.
And what can I do for you?

47
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,070
Other than get us
a new centre forward

48
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,550
for the City game on Saturday.
We need one! Ha!

49
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,710
God, we need one.
I might just do it myself.

50
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,430
You'd be an improvement!
"Here comes the big man upfront."

51
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,230
"Bit of weight to throw around."

52
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,680
OK, let's leave it there.

53
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,110
Well...

54
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,910
What's up, my boy?

55
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,760
Ken, OK, er, Ken...

56
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,910
What is it? Hurry up.

57
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,510
Rachel and I have been seeing each
other for just shy of a year now

58
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,270
and, as tradition dictates,
I thought it right

59
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,590
to seek your permission
to ask your daughter to... Yes...?

60
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,870
..cohabit with me.

61
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,110
Cohabit? Yes. With Rachel's
temp income, by my reckoning,

62
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,430
we could stretch to a three-bed
semi with adequate garden area.

63
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,470
I've put together a folder
of potential mortgages.

64
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,960
Take a squiz!

65
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,630
Colour coded.
A very complete job, then.

66
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,400
I'm asking her tomorrow.

67
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,470
Good luck, and, Ben,
as my old granddaddy used to say,

68
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,630
"When you're out a-wooing,
never take a folder.

69
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,070
"Aim for romance, chocolates,
flowers and a black polo neck."

70
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,960
Done, done and done.

71
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,750
Ken...

72
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,710
Rachel's had a lot of unpredictable
influences in her life,

73
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,240
but I swear,
she won't have any from me.

74
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,830
Rachel's in no state
to make big decisions yet.

75
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,110
It's like she's been a different
person since Cuckoo went missing.

76
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,070
Oi, you stay out of it.

77
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,430
Ben is solid, dependable -
it's just what Rachel needs.

78
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,550
He's really bloody boring, Ken.

79
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,150
If it's not football,
it's law or local history.

80
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,310
Three of my major interests.

81
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,910
Yes, but you, Ken, make them
fascinating. Oh, no, I don't!

82
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,430
I just don't talk about them
and I listen to you instead.

83
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,560
It's true.

84
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,310
Oh...
and do not tell Rachel he's asking.

85
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,600
Like I would.

86
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,630
Ken, don't look at me like that,
I am not going to tell.

87
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,240
I promise. Mmm.

88
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,550
Well, SHE'S had work.

89
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,440
That's Gok Wan, Lorn.

90
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,800
Oh, yeah.

91
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,830
Rachel moving out,
Dylan going to university.

92
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,870
In a year,
there'll be just the two of us.

93
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,670
I can't wait.
Finally, some peace and quiet.

94
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,910
Actually, I did want to talk to you.

95
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,390
There's, er...
something we always said we'd do.

96
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,550
A...a promise you made to me
before we got married.

97
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,150
Oh, yeah? What did I promise?

98
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,590
To get a vasectomy.

99
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,390
What?! Back in '92,
when you had long hair,

100
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,710
you said it was unfair that women

101
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,230
had to take all the responsibility
for birth control.

102
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,190
Such a caring,
thoughtful thing to say.

103
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,110
Yeah, what a thoughtful caring boy
I was in my 20s.

104
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,670
Come on, it's not like
we're going to have any more kids.

105
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,830
Well, maybe there's a gesture
you could make in return.

106
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,790
Is this that disgusting fantasy
you mentioned last May?

107
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,440
Yes, it is.

108
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,200
Deal.

109
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,790
And thus, my hairy friends,
your fate is sealed.

110
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,920
Yes!

111
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,670
Dad was in a funny mood
this morning. Yes.

112
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,790
He's bricking it
about his vasectomy.

113
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,190
Which, by the way,
you're not meant to know about.

114
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,470
I think I was happier not knowing.

115
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,670
We thought, now you and Dylan
are moving out, we...

116
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,270
Shit. What? I'm not moving out.

117
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,590
Yes, I'm not supposed
to say that one either.

118
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,070
Never mind, here goes.

119
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,990
Ben is planning on asking you
to move in with him.

120
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,320
Right.

121
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,560
Well, yeah, makes sense.

122
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,510
Well, who am I kidding?

123
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,670
I was married to someone
incredible, unique... Yes.

124
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,110
..and that happy part of my life's
over now, so why not?

125
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,110
Oh!

126
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,710
Argh. Argh!
Bloody hell! Are you OK?!

127
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,910
Oh...
Sir, do you know you just hit me?

128
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,390
Excuse me, sir! You just hit me

129
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,670
with your mobile vehicle!

130
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,950
Unbelievable! Hello.

131
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,030
Are you OK? Yeah. Oh, I'm fine,
just...processing the pain.

132
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,670
Oh.

133
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,320
Oh, well, you're not
from round here, are you?

134
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,120
No.

135
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,310
I'm from a valley,

136
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,190
hidden high in the peaks
of Uttarakhand Province, India.

137
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,950
Winters are stormy and fierce,

138
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,430
but come summer, the whole place
teems with Brahma Kamal.

139
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,270
A white lotus.

140
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,160
Flower of the mountains.

141
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,790
It's nice. OK, see ya!

142
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,470
Oh, are you sure
you don't want us to call someone?

143
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,910
Oh, no, it's not
the end of the world, right?

144
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,550
Not till tomorrow night.

145
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,680
Oh.

146
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,670
Whoo-ho-ho!

147
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,910
Chemistry or what?

148
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,480
Mum! Chemistry or what?
Do you know what you look like?

149
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,510
Ken.

150
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,710
Steve?

151
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,910
I knew you'd be worried, I had
myself transferred for the day,

152
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,150
so I could handle your unmanning
personally.

153
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,190
Unnecessary. Oh, don't mention it.

154
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,750
I'm not letting my best pal's testes
get anything but premier service.

155
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,590
Lorna says you're back
in the family home.

156
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,270
Oh, yeah, I've moved back in
with Connie and her lover.

157
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,790
Being grown-ups about it.

158
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,190
I'm fine with Pepe and Connie
sharing the master bedroom.

159
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,190
I mean, people have sex,
get over it.

160
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,590
And if it's going to happen anyway,
better it happens in my bed.

161
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,590
Right, Ken? OK.

162
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,190
So, preliminaries before surgery.

163
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,840
Ah...

164
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,680
..if you could, er...

165
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,600
Oh, ah, hello.

166
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,840
Lower your trousers.

167
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,070
Oh.

168
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,990
Steve, could you try to sound
a little less excited, please?

169
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,990
You always wonder
when you're going to see

170
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,190
your best mate's cock and balls.
It's normally in a public urinal,

171
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,310
but I've noted, Ken,
you don't use them much.

172
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,270
You have a bladder
like a ruddy bison.

173
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,600
OK.

174
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,190
Erm, and this is...?

175
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,470
Ah, I prefer to work
in a hair-free environment.

176
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,110
You prefer?!
You mean, it's not compulsory?

177
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:15,230
Well, I suppose, technically,
you get a choice.

178
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,360
Right, then turn it off,
you little bastard.

179
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,270
Shame.

180
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,040
It's your loss.

181
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,670
Well, I'm very positive,
it's got a really nice shape to it.

182
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,230
Really nice...proportions.

183
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,350
I look forward to operating upon it.

184
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,830
OK, sorry, Steve,
I've changed my mind. What?

185
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,710
Why? I won't mess it up, Ken.
It won't be like the last times.

186
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,590
The last TIMES?
Yeah. I am definitely leaving.

187
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,910
No, Ken, wait. Wait, I love you.

188
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,160
What? Oh, I don't love you.

189
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,470
Mum, it was hours ago.
Can we drop it now? No, we can't.

190
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,510
You should've got his number,
you loser.

191
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,630
What was I going to do?
Run after him?

192
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,950
Rachel, you will keep your dignity
and die a spinster.

193
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,150
Mum! I'm with Ben!

194
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,550
I know, I like Ben, I honestly do.

195
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,200
But there was something
about you and that lad.

196
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,310
A mum knows. I'll probably
never meet him again anyway.

197
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,630
And if I do,
well, then that's destiny

198
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,710
and I'm definitely allowed
to do horrible things to him.

199
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,870
Litchfield's not such a big place.

200
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,150
I'm sure you'll run into him
some time.

201
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,520
Mum!

202
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,200
Maybe it IS destiny.

203
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,110
Ken? Hey, love!

204
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,990
You're back early. How did it go?

205
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,230
I bet he chickened out of it,
right, Dad?

206
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,670
Lorna, why does Dylan know
about this? Oh, it just came out.

207
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,510
So, did you go through with it
or were you a chicken?

208
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,830
Yes, I went through with it.
Why wouldn't I go through with it?

209
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,110
Ha! So now you're a eunuch!
Oh, how embarrassing.

210
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,840
My brave soldier.

211
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,600
What is that?

212
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,470
I drove over him in the driveway.

213
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,990
Well, why didn't you take him
to hospital?

214
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,830
Oh, relax, Ken.
He's still breathing.

215
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,550
It's probably just concussion.

216
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,150
You knocked him unconscious!
He could sue us!

217
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,750
He's not going to sue us.
Look at his lovely face.

218
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,350
I think he's here
because he likes Rachel.

219
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,430
Hey, do you think we should Biro
the word "twat" on his forehead?

220
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,200
Yeah, really helpful, Dylan(!)

221
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,550
Rachel is going out with Ben.

222
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,430
For the moment.

223
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,790
Ben! Is it seven already?

224
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,190
On the dot.

225
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,070
For you. Oh!

226
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,470
Oh, and, er, here's chocolates. Oh!

227
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,830
Guylian. French, I believe.

228
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,190
I think they're Belgian. Are they?
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.

229
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,270
I'll get rid of them.
No, Belgian's good!

230
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,870
Rach, it's been two years
since Cuckoo went.

231
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,910
Maybe sometimes
you just have to live for today.

232
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,590
Well, not actually today. The flats
won't be built until next April,

233
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:17,390
but, you know, live for the s-soon.

234
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:23,310
Ben, I...I dunno. Darling,
the maths works out really well.

235
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,430
Cohabit with me. Eh?

236
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,710
Co-habite with me.

237
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:34,150
Never been a better
time to invest in PWOPERTY.

238
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,230
Oh, I-I'll think about it.

239
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,550
Yeah? Mm. Rachel!

240
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,350
He's waking up!

241
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,920
OK, I'll call you.

242
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,190
You left your...

243
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,950
Oh, shit the bed!

244
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,590
Course they're Belgian!

245
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,440
Rachel, quick. Quick.

246
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,150
Where am I? Who are you?

247
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,790
I'm Lorna. I drove over you.

248
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,150
Yeah, maybe not mention that.
I'm Rachel.

249
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:10,230
Hi. You were watching over me.
Like an angel.

250
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,270
Well, you're...
you're fairly easy to watch.

251
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,510
Why don't we two leave you two
to relax and get to know each other?

252
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,270
I do not approve of this.
Shut up and get out of the room.

253
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,440
No, stop, sir.
I need to say something.

254
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,350
I came here today
looking for someone

255
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,470
I've been waiting
my whole life to meet.

256
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,520
Oh, go on.

257
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,720
It's not you.

258
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,590
Hello. Sir...you are my father.

259
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,430
No, I'm not.

260
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,470
Ken? No, it's you.

261
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,910
21 years ago, when you were 13,
your family went on a vacation

262
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,470
to an ashram
deep in the Indian jungle.

263
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:53,630
There you encountered
my 38-year-old mother.

264
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,390
You were drawn to each other
like hot-blooded tigers

265
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,680
and consummated your passion
in a tent next to the mountain.

266
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,630
I am the fruit of that lovemaking.

267
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,510
Behold, Father, it is I, your son.

268
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,630
Ken, I did not know any of this.

269
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,150
Lorna, 21 years ago,
you and I bought our first flat.

270
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,630
I think you might've noticed
if, in between decorating,

271
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:21,670
I'd have dressed as a 13-year-old
boy who sneaked off to India!

272
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,070
Well argued, Ken. Sorry, love,
you've got the wrong guy.

273
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,270
No!

274
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,990
You're Cuckoo Thompson.
Formerly Dale Ashbrick, my father.

275
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,190
You're...Cuckoo's son?

276
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,030
Fuck me!

277
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,350
OK, so this one's Dad,
not you, Ken? Mm-hm. Wow!

278
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,670
He looks so wise. Oh, he was.

279
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,470
Yeah(!)

280
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,510
He was. He was really wise.

281
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,670
Oh, Cuckoo would've loved
to have met you.

282
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,990
Right, Rach?

283
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,150
Yeah.

284
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,670
I leave the ashram, travel halfway
across the world to find my father

285
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,320
and it turns out he's dead.

286
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,270
Oh, well, as Vashradi says,

287
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,630
"Gotta keep smiling."

288
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,670
And how are you living?

289
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,270
Have you got somewhere to stay?
I sure do.

290
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,110
I met this really sweet
little community

291
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,190
who sleep on benches
behind the station.

292
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,390
You've been living with tramps?
Nice people.

293
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,190
And, boy, can they drink?!

294
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,830
Well, love, until you need
to head back to your ashram,

295
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,110
you're staying here.
OK, but I leave tomorrow midnight.

296
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,430
Nonsense!
You can stay as long as you like.

297
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,550
Lorna, can I have a word, please?

298
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,640
Yeah.

299
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,950
Why have you offered a stranger
free run of our home? He's family!

300
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,190
He's the absent son by another
mother of the dead husband

301
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,910
of my daughter. I don't even think
there's a word for that relation.

302
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,950
Step-grandson.

303
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,710
Anyway, he's cute.

304
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,270
Oh, Lorna!

305
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,840
Ken...big day, isn't it?

306
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,590
Cuckoo's son turning up
out the blue. Your vasectomy.

307
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,510
Yeah, listen,
about the vasectomy, I... See ya.

308
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,870
Dylan, you're not going out.

309
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,830
We're all having dinner together
to celebrate Dale's arrival.

310
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,910
Er, no, I'm meeting Zoe,
my girlfriend. No, you're staying.

311
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,270
Mum, I have a relationship
to maintain.

312
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,510
God, when will you stop being
so self-absorbed?

313
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,670
Dylan! And how do you even know
he's Cuckoo's son?

314
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,790
An American accent
and a shit-eating grin

315
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,110
and you're like,
"Yeah, come in, stay, have dinner."

316
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,590
I'm sorry if it sounds a bit harsh,

317
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,040
but I hope he kills you both
in your beds.

318
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,840
Yeah, that WAS harsh.

319
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,590
Lorna, this is delicious.
Thank you so much. Thank you, Dale.

320
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,750
So, your mother's serving
a life sentence for drug smuggling?

321
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,710
I haven't heard from her
in two decades.

322
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,790
Kind of a bummer
but, like the prophet says,

323
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,590
I probably brought it
on myself in a previous life.

324
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,990
Is that what they teach you
on the ashram, Dale?

325
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,110
Oh, Ken,
it is such a wonderful place.

326
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,510
So ordered, peaceful
and there's no crime,

327
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,280
because any sort of wrongdoing is
punished without a shred of mercy.

328
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,030
Oh, this is weird.

329
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,710
If you were my dad's wife, then,
in a way, you're kind of my mom.

330
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,390
In a way.

331
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,110
And, Lorna, you're my grandmother.

332
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:08,350
Mm. Yeah. Never ever call me that.

333
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,390
You can call me Uncle Dylan.
In fact, you have to.

334
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,910
Dylan! Mum, I'm welcoming our guest.

335
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,430
- So fuck off!
- Dylan!

336
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,350
Oh, no! I just realised -
we forgot to say grace.

337
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,070
Don't sweat it, Dale,
we're atheists, so... Ken!

338
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,270
He's just found out
his father's gone.

339
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,480
If he wants to say grace, let him.
Go on, then.

340
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,030
Good evening.
Chief Ken has granted me permission

341
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,870
to lead community absolution.

342
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,870
Dad, what is he doing?
I don't know,

343
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,040
but Chief Ken has got
a lovely ring about it. Carry on.

344
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,190
Peace on Vashradi
for these are my sins.

345
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,710
I've judged my brother man,

346
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,670
I have eaten at an oaken table,

347
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,030
I have swallowed saliva,
sap of my tongue.

348
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,880
I watch cartoons on TV.

349
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400
I've glanced at the chest of a lady.

350
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,680
And for that, may Vashradi forgive.

351
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,790
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

352
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,800
FORGIVE!

353
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,350
Yeah, I take it back.
He's definitely Cuckoo's son.

354
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,800
All right, thank you.

355
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,630
Trust me, it's a cult.

356
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,070
Yes, typical. Anything to do
with yoga or spirituality

357
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,430
and you're dead against it.
It sounds nice!

358
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,990
An ashram in the mountains.

359
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,710
Look - "Vashradi Ashram invites
single and divorced truth seekers

360
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,190
"to discover a unique and sensual
discipline for mind and body."

361
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,710
Sounds all right so far.

362
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,750
"Grand yoga master,
Michael Vashradi,

363
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,630
"will transform your beliefs
and your lifestyle 100%.

364
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,030
"Free yourself from family,
friends and worldly goods.

365
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,670
"No men allowed."

366
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,480
Yes, granted, this does sound culty.
Thank you.

367
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,710
Hey.

368
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,310
Gotta look my best,
big day tomorrow.

369
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,350
Sorry, I need to, er...

370
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,350
Oh, yeah, go for it.

371
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,670
Oh, Dale, we...we don't tend to use
the bathroom together here.

372
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,270
Oh, OK, I'm, sorry, that's...
er, different rules here.

373
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,670
On the ashram,
we always have to go in pairs

374
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,590
in case anyone tries to escape.

375
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,830
All right, well,
I'll catch you later.

376
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,160
Oh.

377
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,710
Oh... Whoa, er, I'm so sorry, Mom.

378
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,070
Please, please don't call me that.

379
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,160
OK.

380
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,880
Bye, Mom.

381
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,190
Oh, my God.

382
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,280
Well...

383
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,470
Wow.

384
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,720
So this is the vehicle
from my picture? Yeah, that's it.

385
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,950
"Potatoes of the revolution"?

386
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,990
Can you explain that to me?
It doesn't make much sense.

387
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,390
Another time.

388
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,430
Dale, you know this guy who runs
your ashram, is it Vashradi?

389
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,550
Vashwardi?

390
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,950
Vashradi. Yeah, come on, Ken,
you've heard of him.

391
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,270
Why would I have heard of him?
Er, no reason.

392
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,150
Maybe cos he's the son of God?

393
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,720
Yeah.

394
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,240
Thing is...

395
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,920
Lorna and I think that this ashram
of yours, it might be a cult.

396
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,550
What? No Chief Ken, wrong.
Way off. I mean, in fact,

397
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,070
the first line of our creed is
"We are not a cult."

398
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,430
We say it every single morning
and then we eat together,

399
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,310
Vashradi picks his wife for the day
and...and I get to work.

400
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:37,270
See, that does sound
like a weird place.

401
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:41,430
As long as you're good and Vashradi
is smiling, it's a wonderful place.

402
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,950
If you're bad, yeah,
you get tied to the post,

403
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,390
but for, like, a couple days max.

404
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,590
You know, I don't think
you should go back there.

405
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,430
No, I'm not going back there.
I leave tonight, midnight,

406
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,390
the galawinga are coming
to collect me. The what?!

407
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,110
The galawinga?!

408
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,390
Remind me.

409
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,590
All right.

410
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,910
The galawinga are super-intelligent
extra-terrestrials

411
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,150
responsible for human evolution.

412
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,910
They also left us
the pyramids and ice cream.

413
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,590
Well, tonight, they're coming

414
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,470
to take Vashradi's
elected disciples up to space,

415
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,190
and the rest of you get zapped
by the special kickass alien lasers.

416
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,270
I'm sorry, you...you think that
tonight we're all going to die?

417
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,150
It's really unfortunate.
You're...you're such nice people.

418
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,350
Dale, listen to me.

419
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,080
All of this alien stuff,
you know it's not true.

420
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,590
OK, Chief Ken.

421
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,920
Whatever you want to believe,
go for it.

422
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,510
It won't be long
till we find out which one of us

423
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,440
is making a huge dumb-ass mistake.

424
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,550
Well, 20 minutes before 12,

425
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,110
I'd just like to say
a quick farewell to each of you.

426
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:00,950
Chief Ken...
you are an inspiring noble person.

427
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,720
I can't make any promises,
but this should buy you more time.

428
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,830
Lorna, you cared for me
when I was ill.

429
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,800
A special bond exists between us.

430
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,670
Dylan, you are an insubordinate
young man

431
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,270
and you should treat your father
with more respect.

432
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,470
SLAP!
Ow. What? Steady on.

433
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,870
Listen to him.

434
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,400
And finally...

435
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,800
Rachel...

436
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,950
I never knew my mom, but in
my dreams, she looks like you.

437
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,870
Beautiful and kind.

438
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,190
Soon your body will be butchered
by extra-terrestrial lasers,

439
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,720
but our souls shall remain together
through Cuckoo.

440
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,480
All right, catch you later.

441
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,480
Well, Ken, I did not expect that.

442
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,320
Yeah. Come on.

443
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,200
OK, guys, let's do this.

444
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,390
♪ Here comes the galawinga
Galawinga, coming for me

445
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,360
♪ Here comes the galawinga
Galawinga, where are you? ♪

446
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,320
If this is a joke,
it isn't funny any more!

447
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,480
Do you want breakfast?
I've made bacon and eggs.

448
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,470
OK, I cannot believe this.

449
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,950
Rach, how are you, er, feeling
about Dale?

450
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,190
What? Why are you asking me?

451
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,790
I mean, why would I feel
any strong emotion about Dale?

452
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,950
You are basing that
on absolutely nothing.

453
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,030
Er, it's just your dad and I were
thinking of asking him to stay.

454
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,470
What? For good?

455
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,230
At least till he's accustomed
to the real world.

456
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,400
No!

457
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,190
It's too hard for me.

458
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,110
Sorry!

459
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,590
You know, Cuckoo's son,
by another woman.

460
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,310
You didn't even know Cuckoo
when he was 13, Rach.

461
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,710
OK, thanks for letting me know.

462
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,710
OK, how long would he stay for?

463
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:54,550
Actually, no, it's a bad idea, he's
21, he's not our responsibility.

464
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,750
All right. Vashradi got arrested,
the ashram's been disbanded.

465
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,270
They're saying it WAS a cult.

466
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,870
I'm guessing maybe that's why
the aliens never showed last night!

467
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,470
No shit(!)

468
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,510
The basis for my entire existence
has been shattered.

469
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,960
Everything I ever believed in
turns out to be a lie.

470
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,590
Oh, well, gotta keep smiling.

471
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,870
Right, Ma? Mmm.

472
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,840
Yeah! Don't call me that.

473
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,510
So where are you going to go?

474
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,870
Guess I'll walk the world, like Dad.

475
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,310
Maybe, one day, I'll find
an incredibly special person

476
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,720
like he did when he found you.

477
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,840
OK. Bye-bye.

478
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,110
Quite touching that, wasn't it?

479
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,070
It's really very sweet.
It made me want to puke!

480
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,550
It's probably best
he gets out there in the world...

481
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,670
..finds his own way.

482
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,960
Yeah. He'll be fine.

483
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,440
Oh, all right, let's go get him.

484
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,400
Chief Ken.
Get in the car, you weirdo!

485
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,390
It's weird, isn't it?
Just as you've got the snip,

486
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,950
put fatherhood behind you,
you sort of become a father again.

487
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,310
Actually, Lorna, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.

488
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,310
And I have been meaning
to give you your reward.

489
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:58,990
This is a one-off, OK?

490
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,910
Absolutely never to be repeated.

491
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,160
I should probably
tell you this first.

492
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,030
Let's make love immediately.
What was it you wanted to say?

493
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,630
Nothing to say, nothing to admit!

494
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,600
Let's do this, I'm good to go here!