1
00:00:02,742 --> 00:00:04,629
Ever since I started doing the list
2
00:00:04,723 --> 00:00:06,338
it'd just been me and Randy,
3
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,883
but now my new wife Billie
made three.
4
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:09,709
Watch this.
5
00:00:09,803 --> 00:00:12,189
There's this part coming up
that's really funny.
6
00:00:12,330 --> 00:00:15,316
And I was starting to understand the
expression "three's a crowd."
7
00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,067
He's gonna think that
it's his wife licking his leg,
8
00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:19,485
but it's really gonna be the dog.
9
00:00:24,689 --> 00:00:27,534
Yep, there it is,
just like you said.
10
00:00:27,947 --> 00:00:30,370
Thanks for telling me,
so I could be ready for it.
11
00:00:30,545 --> 00:00:33,981
And the way we watched TV
wasn't the only change.
12
00:00:34,028 --> 00:00:35,512
I used to drive my own car,
13
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but Billie thought
I drove like a girl,
14
00:00:37,221 --> 00:00:39,662
so she insisted
on doing it herself.
15
00:00:41,557 --> 00:00:44,683
You better take five steps
backwards right now, bitch.
16
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,313
Unfortunately, she had
a problem with road rage.
17
00:00:47,425 --> 00:00:50,317
Just forget it; it's gone. Go !
18
00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:55,524
And I used to have
my own money,
19
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,994
but I spent it throwing
an arsonist a prison prom.
20
00:00:58,097 --> 00:00:59,862
And while it was
an enchanted evening,
21
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,848
it left me broken, and I
was now living off Billie.
22
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:05,686
How many tissues you got there ?
23
00:01:05,874 --> 00:01:06,634
Two.
24
00:01:06,813 --> 00:01:08,982
How many times you
gonna blow your nose ?
25
00:01:09,132 --> 00:01:09,921
One.
26
00:01:10,062 --> 00:01:13,123
You might want to check
your math, mr. Rockefeller.
27
00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:16,391
And because Billie's money
also paid for the room,
28
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she got to decide the
sleeping arrangements.
29
00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:20,888
Of course he can stay
with us, Earl.
30
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,174
He's family.
31
00:01:22,352 --> 00:01:24,991
He's just gonna have to be
an outside brother.
32
00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:39,467
My favorite part of the day
was when Billie took a shower,
33
00:01:39,579 --> 00:01:40,997
until she started singing.
34
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,390
I don't get it, Randy.
35
00:01:45,474 --> 00:01:46,592
I just don't get it.
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00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,822
Why would karma want me to be with
a woman who's driving me crazy ?
37
00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:52,911
You should just cut her head off
like that King of England dude,
38
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or the guy who used
to live downstairs.
39
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,228
It's not that easy.
40
00:01:56,293 --> 00:01:57,899
Billie's supposed to be my reward.
41
00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:01,189
Karma brought her into my life to
show me that I was doing things right.
42
00:02:01,283 --> 00:02:02,729
You don't return a gift like that.
43
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,786
You do if she makes you sleep outside.
44
00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:07,368
I got sprayed by a cat last night.
45
00:02:07,602 --> 00:02:09,142
Which is a lie--
it wasn't a cat.
46
00:02:09,236 --> 00:02:10,401
It was a grown man.
47
00:02:10,550 --> 00:02:12,259
I was too embarrassed to say that.
48
00:02:12,447 --> 00:02:15,818
I know Billie's a handful, but
I'm sure Karma has its reasons.
49
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,087
Not to mention, before
Billie hit me with her car,
50
00:02:18,190 --> 00:02:19,336
her life was a mess.
51
00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:21,084
I can't let her go back to that.
52
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,828
I'm gonna go sleep on the balcony.
53
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:36,818
I kind of made friends with that
filipino grandmother from room 206.
54
00:02:36,978 --> 00:02:38,856
They won't let her sleep inside either.
55
00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:41,823
I couldn't help but think about
how different my reality was,
56
00:02:41,909 --> 00:02:43,177
compared to my fantasy.
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00:02:43,308 --> 00:02:44,548
When I was in a coma,
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00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,177
my relationship with Billie
was perfect.
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00:02:47,393 --> 00:02:50,489
She made me cakes,
she brought me lemonade,
60
00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:53,372
and when she kissed me,
even her leg got excited.
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00:02:53,785 --> 00:02:55,606
I wondered why Karma
brought me out of my coma
62
00:02:55,607 --> 00:02:57,428
only to make me more miserable,
63
00:02:57,588 --> 00:03:00,771
and I wondered, was it just gonna
get worse for the rest of my life ?
64
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,942
Oh, there's nothing like a crap and
a shower to make you feel better.
65
00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:08,407
I think I'm just gonna go for a walk.
66
00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:12,681
I married Billie
'cause I trusted Karma.
67
00:03:12,869 --> 00:03:14,906
Karma had never let me down
before, but
68
00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:18,935
every day that went by made
me lose a little more faith.
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00:03:19,513 --> 00:03:22,433
I did 25 minutes at level six.
70
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,922
If you can't beat me,
you're a wuss.
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00:03:25,109 --> 00:03:27,072
Come on, faster.
72
00:03:28,217 --> 00:03:30,433
If we want to grow old
together, we need to be healthy.
73
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,261
Yep, this marriage was
definitely a mystery.
74
00:03:34,294 --> 00:03:36,430
I needed some advice, so
75
00:03:36,431 --> 00:03:38,566
I went to see
the smartest person I knew.
76
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:41,677
There was a reason Joy and
Darnell's trailer was on its side.
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00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:45,274
A while back, me and some
friends broke in to have a party.
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00:03:45,565 --> 00:03:48,081
Normally, when you have beer
and strippers in a trailer,
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00:03:48,156 --> 00:03:49,358
you tip the strippers.
80
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:52,167
We went another way
and tipped the trailer.
81
00:04:00,528 --> 00:04:01,560
Hello ?
82
00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:03,814
Crab man ?
83
00:04:04,819 --> 00:04:06,105
Hey, Earl.
84
00:04:09,491 --> 00:04:12,271
I really am sorry about
this whole trailer thing.
85
00:04:12,383 --> 00:04:13,707
Ah, don't sweat it, Earl.
86
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:15,003
I kind of like it.
87
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:17,876
Besides, with the grass
growing out of the floor,
88
00:04:18,045 --> 00:04:20,364
mr. Turtle has his own little park.
89
00:04:25,674 --> 00:04:27,683
Never seen him wag
his little tail before.
90
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,482
Yeah, I'm happy for him.
91
00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:33,775
Listen, I need to ask
you a marriage question.
92
00:04:33,972 --> 00:04:36,958
How do you handle being married
to someone who's difficult ?
93
00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:38,432
Try this.
94
00:04:40,699 --> 00:04:43,591
I just write down everything
Joy does that bothers me.
95
00:04:43,713 --> 00:04:45,723
Most psychogists will tell
you to express your thoughts
96
00:04:45,836 --> 00:04:48,023
and feelings without
fear of confrontation.
97
00:04:48,089 --> 00:04:51,443
These are individuals I call
"people who have not met Joy."
98
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,805
Earl, you gotta flip this
trailer right-side-up.
99
00:04:54,899 --> 00:04:56,908
I got so many bruises from
climbing through this door,
100
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,312
I look like a woman
in a lifetime movie.
101
00:04:59,753 --> 00:05:00,711
I'm gonna do it, Joy.
102
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:03,667
I just need to figure out how to get
some money from Billie to rent a crane.
103
00:05:03,826 --> 00:05:06,033
One way would be to grow some nads.
104
00:05:06,174 --> 00:05:07,423
Speaking of being nadless...
105
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:10,493
Darnell, are you showing
Earl your poetry books ?
106
00:05:10,569 --> 00:05:13,771
Uh, yeah, we were having
a poetry slam.
107
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,546
Let me read one.
108
00:05:18,925 --> 00:05:20,700
"Today she hit a new low."
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00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:24,086
"Got mad cooking dinner and
threw the chicken on the lawn."
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00:05:24,273 --> 00:05:27,316
"Once again, I see why everyone
in our trailer park despises her"
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00:05:27,466 --> 00:05:29,513
"and wishes we would move."
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00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,903
That's a terrible poem, darnell.
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It don't even rhyme.
114
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:42,196
Hey ! Remember that time I threw
that chicken on the lawn.
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00:05:42,393 --> 00:05:46,017
You should write a poem
about that, but make it rhyme.
116
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:52,619
did you pee a little ?
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00:05:52,694 --> 00:05:53,474
Yep.
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00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:54,619
Me, too.
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00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:56,910
While I was getting
advice about my wife,
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00:05:57,042 --> 00:05:59,145
Randy was being tortured by her.
121
00:06:01,397 --> 00:06:03,528
Can I have a klondike bar, please ?
122
00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:04,881
That depends...
123
00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:08,702
what would you do for a klondike bar ?
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00:06:16,048 --> 00:06:17,550
nah, seen it.
125
00:06:19,259 --> 00:06:22,876
Unfortunately for Randy, the
motel was next to a costume shop.
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00:06:22,931 --> 00:06:25,841
Would you like to buy
some delicious cookies ?
127
00:06:39,379 --> 00:06:41,210
Two slim mint and
128
00:06:41,211 --> 00:06:43,041
three peanut butter sandwich.
129
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:44,468
Now ?
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00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:45,745
Almost.
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00:06:46,224 --> 00:06:50,665
And, unfortunately for Randy, the
motel was also next to a street.
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00:06:50,913 --> 00:06:52,547
You loser !
133
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Enjoy.
134
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:14,565
I rescued Randy and continued
my quest for relationship advice
135
00:07:14,623 --> 00:07:17,309
by going to the happiest couple
I knew.
136
00:07:17,506 --> 00:07:19,623
The most important thing
in a relationship is to take
137
00:07:19,624 --> 00:07:21,741
your time with foreplay.
138
00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:24,925
"All work and no foreplay
makes Jack a dull boy."
139
00:07:24,971 --> 00:07:26,812
I got that from
a Will and Grace rerun.
140
00:07:26,859 --> 00:07:28,624
You start by lightly trailing
your fingers
141
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,389
down your lover's chest.
142
00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,859
Let him know that you want him.
143
00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:33,959
Let the love flow.
144
00:07:34,081 --> 00:07:35,462
Call him "lover."
145
00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,372
Call your lover "lover"
146
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,232
as often as possible.
147
00:07:38,628 --> 00:07:39,680
Whisper it.
148
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:41,351
Lover.
149
00:07:44,149 --> 00:07:45,088
Lover.
150
00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:47,022
Lover.
151
00:07:47,223 --> 00:07:48,500
Lover.
152
00:07:49,984 --> 00:07:51,824
Earl, Earl, Earl.
153
00:07:51,909 --> 00:07:54,848
They have just as much right
to kiss in public as anyone else.
154
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,115
Which one's the girl ?
155
00:07:56,228 --> 00:07:58,373
I don't know how this
stuff works, Randy, I...
156
00:07:58,908 --> 00:08:00,852
oh, looks like it's Kenny.
157
00:08:01,039 --> 00:08:03,175
My gay pals sure seemed happy,
158
00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:05,312
so I decided to take their advice.
159
00:08:05,509 --> 00:08:07,971
I love foreplaying with you, lover.
160
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,178
You're such a good lover.
161
00:08:13,323 --> 00:08:15,821
Hey, not on the menu.
162
00:08:15,916 --> 00:08:17,306
I just figured from the
way you were talking,
163
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,592
you might be into a little bit of...
164
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:21,222
Nope, you are mistaken.
165
00:08:21,682 --> 00:08:23,543
That was just the poke
I needed to continue
166
00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:25,768
the search for a way to
make my marriage work.
167
00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:27,590
So I decided to talk to the person
168
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,252
who had made a marriage work
the longest.
169
00:08:29,411 --> 00:08:30,407
Earl, I'm just...
170
00:08:30,764 --> 00:08:32,831
I am just so excited
that you'd come to me
171
00:08:32,832 --> 00:08:34,899
for marriage advice.
172
00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:38,420
Okay, first off, do you
call each other "lover" ?
173
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:40,796
Yeah, once.
Not my cup of tea.
174
00:08:41,117 --> 00:08:44,422
And you know about the foreplay
and finding the g-spot ?
175
00:08:44,497 --> 00:08:45,530
Is dad here ?
176
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,756
'Cause I may be better
off talking to him.
177
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:50,159
Oh, Dad is working late at the shop again.
178
00:08:50,253 --> 00:08:52,056
And when you figure that
this is the last night
179
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:55,041
we have to decide on the
fabric for the new drapes...
180
00:08:55,492 --> 00:08:59,647
Oh, actually, maybe you
could give me some advice.
181
00:08:59,769 --> 00:09:01,703
I don't really know
anything about fabrics.
182
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,459
No, just tell me which one you like.
183
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,018
Uh, the middle one.
184
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,663
That one ?
Why would you pick that one ?
185
00:09:06,775 --> 00:09:08,362
I don't know, it looks nice.
186
00:09:08,494 --> 00:09:09,921
Nicer than the first one ?
187
00:09:10,118 --> 00:09:11,799
Okay, I like the first one.
188
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:15,038
Oh, see... see, now
you're just saying that.
189
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:18,265
This is gonna be the last time
that we redecorate this house, Earl.
190
00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:20,744
These are going to be the
drapes that I die looking at.
191
00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:24,613
You don't care enough about me
to give me your honest opinion ? !
192
00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:25,308
No...
193
00:09:25,383 --> 00:09:27,533
Dad was lucky
he wasn't home for this,
194
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:30,859
but then I started to realize
Dad was lucky like this a lot.
195
00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:34,446
Like how he missed all of mom's
wednesday night dinner adventures.
196
00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:37,706
Well, we're not waiting
for your father any longer.
197
00:09:39,171 --> 00:09:40,251
Tonight's voyage...
198
00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:41,453
Asia.
199
00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:45,933
And not the american version
either, real asian food-- crickets.
200
00:09:50,008 --> 00:09:51,238
Pure protein.
201
00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:53,687
Or our annual family portrait.
202
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:55,687
There's an emergency
down at the framing shop.
203
00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:59,593
Apparently, all the
5x7 frames came in 7x5.
204
00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:02,259
Your father's going
to be there all night.
205
00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:04,335
We're going to have to take
the white picture without him.
206
00:10:04,513 --> 00:10:06,025
Can my gerbil be in the picture ?
207
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,264
Is he white ?
208
00:10:07,358 --> 00:10:09,884
Or every year when my mom
wanted us to go caroling.
209
00:10:09,987 --> 00:10:11,565
I'm sorry, boys.
210
00:10:11,696 --> 00:10:13,762
Your father has to work
late again.
211
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,392
Five nights in a row.
212
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:18,058
Well, we're just going to
have to do it without him.
213
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:21,054
Or we could just blow
it off and watch tv.
214
00:10:21,251 --> 00:10:22,490
Oh, silly.
215
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,990
Come on, big smiles,
and get your umbrella.
216
00:10:25,093 --> 00:10:26,661
It's pouring rain out there.
217
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,475
I knew then that Dad
didn't just happen to miss
218
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:37,594
certain things with my mom,
he avoided them on purpose.
219
00:10:37,726 --> 00:10:40,355
He threw himself into his job
to make his marriage work.
220
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:42,130
It hit me that I needed
to do the same,
221
00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:45,191
only my job wasn't
framing, it was the list.
222
00:10:45,273 --> 00:10:46,869
I guess I'd find out if it worked.
223
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:50,222
Earl ! You missed the
ethiopian adventure last night.
224
00:10:50,325 --> 00:10:51,461
I got pickled fox tail.
225
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,712
Gotta go.
Something on the list.
226
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:55,909
Dad was a genius.
227
00:11:00,546 --> 00:11:02,978
I'd finally found a way
to get along with my wife:
228
00:11:03,081 --> 00:11:04,086
By avoiding her.
229
00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:05,522
So like a lot of husbands,
230
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,898
I decided to spend
all my time at work,
231
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:10,375
which for me meant finding
something to do on my list.
232
00:11:10,432 --> 00:11:11,493
Here's a good one, Earl.
233
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:16,357
#275-- "never bought
Randy a Ferrari."
234
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,178
Or #276--
235
00:11:18,274 --> 00:11:21,626
"never told chicks Randy
was a fighter pilot."
236
00:11:22,255 --> 00:11:23,729
Okay, #277...
237
00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:26,931
Randy, how many of these did
you add when I was in a coma ?
238
00:11:27,032 --> 00:11:27,980
Zero.
239
00:11:28,318 --> 00:11:29,661
Fifty.
240
00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:31,116
That's it, Earl.
241
00:11:31,276 --> 00:11:33,172
I'm done waiting for you
to flip my house back.
242
00:11:33,332 --> 00:11:34,656
I was walking past
our ceiling fan,
243
00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:35,651
which is now on our wall,
244
00:11:35,755 --> 00:11:37,679
and it lopped off
one of my ponytails.
245
00:11:37,737 --> 00:11:39,455
You owe me 25 bucks.
246
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,775
I told you, I need money
for a crane,
247
00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,991
and Billie's just getting stingier.
248
00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:49,495
What, did you buy stock
in the toothpaste company ?
249
00:11:49,721 --> 00:11:52,566
I'll save some of it
for the morning.
250
00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:58,791
It didn't sound that wet.
251
00:12:01,976 --> 00:12:04,624
What, you just gonna let some bitchy
woman make your decisions for you ?
252
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,840
If you had any self-respect,
you'd do what the hell I say.
253
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:07,816
I didn't get it.
254
00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,912
Karma's mystery
was getting deeper.
255
00:12:10,025 --> 00:12:12,851
I was doing the list to get away
from my nightmare of a wife,
256
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:15,790
only to have karma stick me
with my nightmare of an ex-wife.
257
00:12:15,875 --> 00:12:17,762
Then I gonna take my foot out,
and put it back in again,
258
00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:19,649
deeper !
259
00:12:20,029 --> 00:12:23,080
Joy, I want to help you,
I just don't know how.
260
00:12:23,287 --> 00:12:25,183
If we were ants, we
wouldn't need a crane, Earl.
261
00:12:25,268 --> 00:12:27,165
We could lift a million
times our weight.
262
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:28,723
Ants are so ripped.
263
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,507
They must get laid all the time.
264
00:12:30,594 --> 00:12:32,415
Randy had a good point,
265
00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:34,237
not just about ants boning a lot.
266
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:36,322
Ants also worked as a team.
267
00:12:36,604 --> 00:12:38,622
Come on, everybody, pull !
268
00:12:38,745 --> 00:12:41,262
When I was doing bad things,
no one would help me with anything.
269
00:12:41,496 --> 00:12:43,384
But now that I was doing
good things,
270
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,825
I had lots of friends
willing to pitch in.
271
00:12:46,670 --> 00:12:48,736
Come on, pull, you lazy bastards !
272
00:12:50,935 --> 00:12:52,606
You are so Spartacus.
273
00:12:52,775 --> 00:12:54,991
No, no, you are so Spartacus.
274
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:55,630
You are.
275
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,132
Oh, no, you are.
276
00:12:58,935 --> 00:13:00,644
Rhino in my back !
277
00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:03,097
This is how my father died !
278
00:13:03,519 --> 00:13:04,702
Come on, people !
279
00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:07,491
Let's put some muscle into it.
280
00:13:09,835 --> 00:13:11,600
I am so sorry.
281
00:13:11,685 --> 00:13:13,685
It's coming ! It's coming !
282
00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:14,933
Keep pulling.
283
00:13:15,459 --> 00:13:17,628
Pull ! It's coming.
284
00:13:18,624 --> 00:13:20,210
Keep pulling.
285
00:13:30,736 --> 00:13:32,793
Thank you so much, everybody.
286
00:13:32,924 --> 00:13:35,422
I got pony kegs in the side yard.
287
00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:36,746
Enjoy.
288
00:13:40,455 --> 00:13:43,657
Help ! My foot is stuck.
289
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:46,756
It was great to see everyone
pulling together like that...
290
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:48,568
and pull together like that.
291
00:13:48,765 --> 00:13:51,216
Plus, I was successfully
staying away from Billie.
292
00:13:51,311 --> 00:13:53,903
It was my first real good
day since I got married.
293
00:13:53,978 --> 00:13:55,969
Hey, Earl, your wife's on the phone.
294
00:13:56,072 --> 00:13:59,283
I told her you were drinking
a beer and she got really mad.
295
00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:03,936
Hey, honey.
296
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,940
No, he's, he's crazy,
it's just a soda.
297
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,696
God, I miss you.
What's up ?
298
00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:11,346
I ordered a bunch of stuff to
go from chubby's pulled pork,
299
00:14:11,412 --> 00:14:12,999
and I need you to pick it up.
300
00:14:13,281 --> 00:14:15,431
Feel free to get something for yourself.
301
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:17,421
Just stay on the left side
of the menu.
302
00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:21,479
Oh, man, I really love that dinner
salad, but work's crazy. Gotta go.
303
00:14:21,564 --> 00:14:23,104
Don't wait up. Love you !
304
00:14:23,216 --> 00:14:26,287
I needed to pick another list
item, but before I could,
305
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:27,620
Karma picked one for me.
306
00:14:27,678 --> 00:14:29,377
Oh, my god, Earl !
307
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,283
I found a leg !
308
00:14:31,368 --> 00:14:34,016
Oh, god, not another body.
309
00:14:34,119 --> 00:14:36,269
This is not a graveyard, people !
310
00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:39,180
Pony up for your grandparents
to have a decent funeral !
311
00:14:39,268 --> 00:14:40,686
It's nobody's grandparent.
312
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,461
It's not even a real leg.
313
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,466
I knew it was fake,
314
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:45,475
because I had ditched it
under the trailer
315
00:14:45,476 --> 00:14:47,362
after committing #86:
316
00:14:47,456 --> 00:14:50,067
"Stole a car from a one-legged girl."
317
00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:51,191
Stand back !
318
00:14:51,242 --> 00:14:53,946
I wish I could say it
was only her car I stole.
319
00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:57,486
You said you loved me !
320
00:14:58,483 --> 00:14:59,920
it doesn't make sense.
321
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,746
I'm doing the list to keep away
from one nightmare woman,
322
00:15:02,821 --> 00:15:05,826
karma sends me to deal with
Joy, another nightmare woman.
323
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,141
Now, it's sending me Didi, the
biggest nightmare i've ever met.
324
00:15:09,233 --> 00:15:10,585
What the hell's going on ?
325
00:15:10,669 --> 00:15:12,791
Sometimes I wish karma could talk.
326
00:15:12,923 --> 00:15:15,618
That'd take a lot of guesswork
out of what we do.
327
00:15:15,805 --> 00:15:18,021
But if I only had one wish
in the world,
328
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:21,167
I'd be an ant who was ripped
and got laid a lot.
329
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,557
Hopefully, I'll get two wishes.
330
00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:25,614
I was wishing
for something different:
331
00:15:25,736 --> 00:15:27,407
That I wouldn't be killed by Didi.
332
00:15:27,585 --> 00:15:29,172
I figured we'd go by
where she worked,
333
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,548
so she'd have less chance
of having her shotgun.
334
00:15:34,624 --> 00:15:36,905
Excuse me, I found a leg
in my doughnut.
335
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:37,553
Randy.
336
00:15:37,619 --> 00:15:39,178
Come on. Maybe we'll get
a free doughnut.
337
00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:43,084
I know we came from a keg party,
but try to act sober, okay ?
338
00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:44,468
Ow, that's hot.
339
00:15:44,618 --> 00:15:47,256
Freshest doughnuts in town,
you son of a bitch.
340
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,627
After some discussion,
341
00:15:48,665 --> 00:15:51,125
I learned Didi already
had her car back
342
00:15:51,209 --> 00:15:54,355
and didn't just want her leg,
she wanted me to feel her pain.
343
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,971
And if I was gonna figure out
what karma was trying to tell me,
344
00:15:58,112 --> 00:15:59,858
I guess I had to do what she said.
345
00:15:59,971 --> 00:16:02,807
I want you to hop a mile in my shoe.
346
00:16:07,538 --> 00:16:09,495
I never thought about how hard
I made Didi's life
347
00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:11,453
by stealing her fake leg.
348
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,406
But she made me understand
how even
349
00:16:13,509 --> 00:16:15,650
the simple things in
life became complicated,
350
00:16:15,838 --> 00:16:17,434
like bringing home groceries.
351
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,673
Getting them to the door
wasn't too bad,
352
00:16:20,748 --> 00:16:25,283
but freeing up a hand to open it
put too much weight on one side.
353
00:16:26,184 --> 00:16:28,897
And like how the lights are set
to give people enough time
354
00:16:28,898 --> 00:16:31,611
to walk across the street, not hop.
355
00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:40,345
She made me learn how frustrating it was
to pay full price for a pair of shoes
356
00:16:40,392 --> 00:16:43,012
when you knew you were only
gonna wear one.
357
00:16:46,849 --> 00:16:48,764
Didi made me realize that even
358
00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:50,680
trying to relax was difficult.
359
00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:10,646
Didi must have realized I was
getting the message, 'cause
360
00:17:10,778 --> 00:17:12,740
she let me share the half
361
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,702
of her foot bath
that she never used.
362
00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:20,529
I am so sorry.
363
00:17:20,905 --> 00:17:22,689
I forgive you.
364
00:17:23,177 --> 00:17:26,032
You can cross me off your list.
365
00:17:29,471 --> 00:17:32,589
My foot hurt so bad, I had to
use the other one to get home.
366
00:17:32,739 --> 00:17:34,523
I still didn't understand
how suffering
367
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,697
for Didi was karma's answer
to me suffering with my wife.
368
00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:39,221
Then came the weirdest thing yet.
369
00:17:39,296 --> 00:17:42,958
Look, Earl, I'm sorry I've
been a little stingy with you.
370
00:17:43,014 --> 00:17:44,413
It's our money.
371
00:17:44,582 --> 00:17:48,103
Here's an ATM card, so you don't
have to ask me for it anymore.
372
00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:51,921
Oh, there's a special card
you have to put in.
373
00:17:52,165 --> 00:17:55,874
And... I got you
your own box of tissues.
374
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,663
You should be able to decide
how many you need.
375
00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,912
Well, thanks.
376
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,184
I'll be right back.
377
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:06,067
I don't get it.
378
00:18:06,226 --> 00:18:08,048
She was terrible and now she's nice.
379
00:18:08,132 --> 00:18:09,519
What's Karma trying to tell me ?
380
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:11,519
It's so obvious, Earl.
381
00:18:11,613 --> 00:18:14,289
If you pick up a trailer
for one lady you pissed off
382
00:18:14,383 --> 00:18:16,477
and you hop around for
another lady you pissed off,
383
00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:19,200
then your annoying wife will
give you a box of tissues.
384
00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:21,435
I think the ATM card
is just random.
385
00:18:21,538 --> 00:18:23,491
You bring up a good point, Randy.
386
00:18:24,176 --> 00:18:26,477
I've pissed off a lot of ladies.
387
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,965
But when I made it up
to two of them,
388
00:18:28,966 --> 00:18:31,200
the lady pissing me off got nicer.
389
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,184
I think you're just
restating my tissue example.
390
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,907
Maybe that's what Karma's been saying.
391
00:18:37,151 --> 00:18:39,282
Maybe if I make up
to the women I've hurt,
392
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:41,414
my marriage will start to work.
393
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,623
I just wish there was a
way I could double-check.
394
00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:44,637
Hi, Earl.
395
00:18:44,797 --> 00:18:45,473
Catalina !
396
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:47,031
Perfect. Come here.
397
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,578
When I saw you at club
chubby on christmas,
398
00:18:49,635 --> 00:18:51,099
I was a pig, right ?
399
00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:53,128
And, and I slapped your butt cheek.
400
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:54,893
Yeah, hard enough to leave a mark.
401
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,564
When santa came,
I couldn't even sit on his lap,
402
00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,160
and he's a big tipper.
403
00:18:58,282 --> 00:18:59,587
Well, then, be mean back.
404
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:00,564
Make me suffer.
405
00:19:00,654 --> 00:19:02,617
Uh, you can slap my ass or...
406
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:08,335
Thank you.
407
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:09,678
That was perfect.
408
00:19:09,826 --> 00:19:11,150
I thought so.
409
00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:15,497
Check it out.
410
00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:18,793
They just added lemonade and
chubby cakes to the vending machine.
411
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:19,977
I know you like them.
412
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:23,245
And there it was, just
like in my coma fantasy.
413
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:26,297
I had a wife who brought
me cakes and lemonade.
414
00:19:26,654 --> 00:19:29,367
And, Randy, something for you, too.
415
00:19:29,492 --> 00:19:31,050
What do I have to do ?
416
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,139
Smile.
417
00:19:32,816 --> 00:19:35,670
Then she did something
that really blew my mind.
418
00:19:37,167 --> 00:19:38,660
Did you hear that, Randy ?
419
00:19:38,876 --> 00:19:41,637
She went to the bathroom
and shut the door.
420
00:19:43,562 --> 00:19:45,308
It's all clear now.
421
00:19:45,599 --> 00:19:48,956
I've had bad marriages because
I've deserved bad marriages.
422
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,285
I've been horrible to women.
423
00:19:52,637 --> 00:19:54,524
But if I keep making it up to them,
424
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,303
things will keep getting better
with Billie and me.
425
00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:02,208
Randy, I need to make up for the
worst thing i've ever done to women.
426
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:06,527
#204-- "seduced
seven virgins."
427
00:20:06,677 --> 00:20:10,499
But, with the atm card, I mean,
don't abuse it or anything.
428
00:20:10,565 --> 00:20:13,335
It's ours, but it's mainly mine.
429
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:16,481
And, Randy, you're still sleeping
on the balcony.
430
00:20:16,743 --> 00:20:19,363
You need to get to those virgins fast.
431
00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:22,258
I'd been horrible to women in the past,
432
00:20:22,361 --> 00:20:25,263
and now the only way Karma was
gonna let me have a good relationship
433
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,507
with my new wife, Billie,
was to make up for that.
434
00:20:27,723 --> 00:20:29,394
I can't wait for you to
fix this thing with Billie
435
00:20:29,516 --> 00:20:31,841
so I can stop sleeping
on the balcony,
436
00:20:31,954 --> 00:20:34,809
although, lately when I
wake up facing the railing,
437
00:20:34,978 --> 00:20:38,208
I feel like I'm in a
giant crib, which is nice.
438
00:20:38,395 --> 00:20:40,283
If I was gonna get
Randy off the balcony,
439
00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:43,411
I needed to make up for the worst
thing I'd ever done to women:
440
00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:44,979
#204,
441
00:20:45,092 --> 00:20:47,308
"seduced seven virgins."
442
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:51,251
Way back when, a group of
Amish settled near Camden.
443
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:55,233
Everything was fine, until they started
adopting modern technology.
444
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:58,458
Behold... the wheel !
445
00:20:58,665 --> 00:21:00,430
That is the devil's work !
446
00:21:00,637 --> 00:21:03,388
It has no beginning and no end.
447
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:05,106
We shall have none of it.
448
00:21:05,193 --> 00:21:07,916
And so, unwilling to change
their deep-seated beliefs,
449
00:21:08,029 --> 00:21:12,132
half the group left and called
themselves the camdenites.
450
00:21:12,761 --> 00:21:14,508
As a rule grew up around then,
451
00:21:14,592 --> 00:21:17,747
Camdenites decided that
when each young girl turned 21,
452
00:21:17,815 --> 00:21:21,561
they will go out to experience
regular society for 21 days.
453
00:21:21,674 --> 00:21:22,988
Those tempted
454
00:21:23,121 --> 00:21:26,483
by the evils of the outside world
455
00:21:26,699 --> 00:21:28,361
can choose to stay there.
456
00:21:28,652 --> 00:21:30,840
But those pure of heart
457
00:21:30,962 --> 00:21:34,785
shall return to the glories
of a world with no wheels,
458
00:21:34,908 --> 00:21:37,067
no medicine and no advancements
459
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:40,025
in knowledge of any kind whatsoever !
460
00:21:40,224 --> 00:21:42,590
Can thou giveth me a "hallelujah" ?
461
00:21:42,721 --> 00:21:44,918
Hallelujah !
462
00:21:52,818 --> 00:21:54,762
I used to call it the
running of the virgins.
463
00:21:55,016 --> 00:21:57,372
Every year, me and Randy were
outside waiting for a bunch
464
00:21:57,457 --> 00:21:59,776
of innocent women who had
never heard a pick-up line.
465
00:21:59,828 --> 00:22:01,518
Greetings, ladies.
466
00:22:01,791 --> 00:22:03,913
Is it hot out here, or is it just you ?
467
00:22:04,777 --> 00:22:06,777
me and my brother have
just been sent out from
468
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,725
the nathanite religious
settlement for 21 days.
469
00:22:09,856 --> 00:22:10,636
Really ?
470
00:22:10,741 --> 00:22:13,783
We are just now also on
a journey into the world.
471
00:22:13,830 --> 00:22:15,445
That's crazy !
472
00:22:15,595 --> 00:22:17,900
How lucky are you to so
quickly run into people
473
00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:20,206
you can completely trust.
474
00:22:20,309 --> 00:22:23,231
Come, let us explore the world together.
475
00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:25,917
our goal was...
476
00:22:26,029 --> 00:22:28,283
I think our goal was pretty obvious.
477
00:22:29,346 --> 00:22:32,726
This barley soda's making me
feel warm under the bonnet.
478
00:22:33,590 --> 00:22:36,097
You know, that dancing
thing looks interesting.
479
00:22:36,426 --> 00:22:38,125
I'm afraid to try it alone.
480
00:22:38,247 --> 00:22:40,191
Oh, do not be afraid, Earleth,
481
00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:42,121
I shall do it with you
482
00:22:42,619 --> 00:22:44,915
Okay, but we gotta stay real close
483
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:47,211
so the devil doesn't get
between us.
484
00:22:50,056 --> 00:22:52,075
If there's anything
you're afraid of,
485
00:22:52,076 --> 00:22:54,095
I'd be willing to try it
with you...
486
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,461
unless it's cauliflower.
487
00:22:58,208 --> 00:23:00,414
I had a good thing going.
488
00:23:01,072 --> 00:23:03,193
And I did it year after year.
489
00:23:03,756 --> 00:23:06,056
Some years, the crops were plentiful.
490
00:23:06,535 --> 00:23:09,089
Other years, there was a drought.
491
00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:11,823
But a good farmer always
finds something to plow.
492
00:23:11,917 --> 00:23:13,166
Yes, yes !
493
00:23:13,316 --> 00:23:14,396
Call me a jezebel !
494
00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:15,598
Jezebel !
495
00:23:16,030 --> 00:23:17,711
Jezebel !
496
00:23:18,199 --> 00:23:21,426
So I went back to camdenite
village and talked to their leader, ruth,
497
00:23:21,549 --> 00:23:23,962
to see how I could make
up to all those former virgins.
498
00:23:24,161 --> 00:23:25,880
None of them are here.
499
00:23:25,973 --> 00:23:27,739
They never came back.
500
00:23:27,964 --> 00:23:30,659
They were alive when we left them,
if that's what you're hinting at.
501
00:23:30,811 --> 00:23:34,595
No, they all had such a great
time in the outside world,
502
00:23:34,661 --> 00:23:36,360
they decided to stay.
503
00:23:36,473 --> 00:23:38,614
Wow, if they're happy now,
504
00:23:38,736 --> 00:23:40,811
I guess it's not the worst
thing I ever did to women.
505
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:42,278
Maybe not to them,
506
00:23:42,325 --> 00:23:44,259
but it was to the rest of us.
507
00:23:44,569 --> 00:23:47,846
You started a trend, and
you know how kids are,
508
00:23:47,981 --> 00:23:50,715
always swept up
in the latest craze, like
509
00:23:50,798 --> 00:23:55,164
zippers or those wooden figures
on a stick that dance on your knee.
510
00:23:55,316 --> 00:23:58,039
None of our daughters
come back anymore.
511
00:23:58,201 --> 00:24:02,298
And without women, the
camdenites will soon be gone.
512
00:24:02,544 --> 00:24:05,068
Maybe karma wants me to
make something up to you.
513
00:24:05,115 --> 00:24:05,889
I know !
514
00:24:05,948 --> 00:24:07,098
We could buy you a pitchfork,
515
00:24:07,192 --> 00:24:09,422
so you could shovel horse
food like a normal person.
516
00:24:09,563 --> 00:24:11,007
We don't use pitchforks.
517
00:24:11,136 --> 00:24:13,105
They are the tool of the devil.
518
00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:19,677
Although I tried one once, and it
was about a thousand times easier.
519
00:24:20,170 --> 00:24:22,553
There-there's gotta
be something I can do.
520
00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:26,077
My niece Greta just turned 21,
521
00:24:26,171 --> 00:24:28,788
and in a few days,
will go out into the world.
522
00:24:28,929 --> 00:24:33,917
If you want to help,
make sure she comes back.
523
00:24:34,365 --> 00:24:38,367
Oh, and if she could bring
back the recipe for flour...
524
00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:40,817
we lost ours years ago.
525
00:24:41,177 --> 00:24:43,019
Ruth was hoping
that if Greta returned
526
00:24:43,020 --> 00:24:44,862
after being in the outside world,
527
00:24:44,948 --> 00:24:47,192
other Camdenite girls
would follow her example
528
00:24:47,193 --> 00:24:49,436
and their community would be saved.
529
00:24:49,549 --> 00:24:52,479
To convince Greta that she wouldn't
want to live in the outside world,
530
00:24:52,554 --> 00:24:54,202
I showed her the scariest thing
I could think of:
531
00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:55,850
Television.
532
00:24:56,066 --> 00:24:58,610
This is all so violent and horrible.
533
00:24:58,911 --> 00:25:01,385
This is a show called C.S.I.: Miami.
534
00:25:01,554 --> 00:25:04,315
That means "crime stuff in miami."
535
00:25:04,493 --> 00:25:07,714
That creamsicle-looking guy,
his name's Horatio.
536
00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:10,117
Hello, cute hubby.
537
00:25:10,316 --> 00:25:13,847
I've got a special surprise for you.
538
00:25:16,382 --> 00:25:20,091
Randy, will you and your friend
give us a second ?
539
00:25:20,196 --> 00:25:20,731
Sure.
540
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:22,121
I'll show you my bedroom.
541
00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:23,407
It's really big.
542
00:25:24,196 --> 00:25:25,783
It's the entire outside.
543
00:25:26,678 --> 00:25:28,490
Guess what I got.
544
00:25:28,781 --> 00:25:30,969
Flavored body gels.
545
00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:34,499
Chocolate, strawberry and vanilla.
546
00:25:34,603 --> 00:25:36,180
My plan seemed to be working.
547
00:25:36,295 --> 00:25:38,164
I was taking care of my lady,
Karma,
548
00:25:38,248 --> 00:25:39,938
so my lady was taking care of me.
549
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:41,581
All right.
550
00:25:41,826 --> 00:25:43,309
I'm gonna go with the strawberry.
551
00:25:43,544 --> 00:25:46,126
Smeared chocolate puts me
in the wrong frame of mind.
552
00:25:46,222 --> 00:25:49,461
Then, my mission to make Greta
dislike our world hit a bump.
553
00:25:49,602 --> 00:25:51,048
Oh, that is most wondrous.
554
00:25:51,180 --> 00:25:52,762
On the farm, the only fun thing
we have to chew on
555
00:25:52,763 --> 00:25:54,344
is ox cartilage,
556
00:25:54,531 --> 00:25:56,362
but the flavor is
gone after two seconds.
557
00:25:56,428 --> 00:25:58,644
No sooner did Greta
start enjoying stuff from
558
00:25:58,766 --> 00:26:01,480
the modern world then karma
made Billie change her tune.
559
00:26:01,555 --> 00:26:03,189
Damn it, Earl !
560
00:26:03,414 --> 00:26:06,731
Didn't I talk to you about letting
peop sit on the made-up bed ?
561
00:26:06,854 --> 00:26:08,957
Yeah, well, aren't we
about to mess it up ?
562
00:26:09,051 --> 00:26:12,609
You didn't know that when
you let people sit on it.
563
00:26:15,937 --> 00:26:17,927
I get it.
564
00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:19,974
I know what's going on.
565
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,744
Karma's making you
mad at me 'cause
566
00:26:21,745 --> 00:26:23,326
the girl out there
is on my list and
567
00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:24,979
I need to be dealing with her.
568
00:26:25,157 --> 00:26:27,270
What the hell are you talking about ?
569
00:26:27,357 --> 00:26:29,686
Great, she's chewing
that's a gateway candy !
570
00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:32,625
Randy, make her spit it out.
571
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:34,953
Honey, I really need to get out there.
572
00:26:35,047 --> 00:26:36,381
No, we're in the middle of something.
573
00:26:36,484 --> 00:26:37,701
Look, I'm not trying to ignore you.
574
00:26:37,838 --> 00:26:40,758
It's just that, if I don't make
up to all the women I've hurt,
575
00:26:40,899 --> 00:26:44,467
you're gonna stay like this, and
Karma's never gonna make you my reward.
576
00:26:44,552 --> 00:26:47,879
Wait, so that's what i am to
you, some kind of carnival prize ?
577
00:26:48,029 --> 00:26:50,038
No, not right now, but...
578
00:26:51,099 --> 00:26:53,926
oh, come on, Randy, you're killing me !
579
00:26:53,954 --> 00:26:55,653
Look, forget about the prize thing.
580
00:26:55,729 --> 00:26:56,855
Can we talk about this later ?
581
00:26:56,942 --> 00:26:59,599
'Cause you'll be in a much better
mood once I get Greta off my list.
582
00:26:59,721 --> 00:27:01,121
No, no list !
583
00:27:01,337 --> 00:27:03,778
You need to decide
what's more important.
584
00:27:03,912 --> 00:27:06,907
Me or that damn list.
585
00:27:07,123 --> 00:27:10,334
Yeah, here's the thing.
586
00:27:10,468 --> 00:27:14,111
If I pick you, karma's
never gonna let us get along,
587
00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,054
but if I pick the list,
588
00:27:16,204 --> 00:27:19,641
you're gonna go even more psycho
on me, but karma can fix that.
589
00:27:19,802 --> 00:27:21,032
So...
590
00:27:22,253 --> 00:27:24,215
I'm gonna go with the list.
591
00:27:29,235 --> 00:27:30,587
Wrong answer.
592
00:27:31,094 --> 00:27:33,413
if I wanted Karma
to make bill nice again,
593
00:27:33,479 --> 00:27:36,408
I needed to convince Greta
the outside world was evil.
594
00:27:36,558 --> 00:27:38,305
And that is when I said, "excuse me,
595
00:27:38,427 --> 00:27:40,709
but that is not a bottle opener."
596
00:27:40,814 --> 00:27:43,452
So, you dance for men ?
597
00:27:43,988 --> 00:27:44,955
Just for money ?
598
00:27:45,105 --> 00:27:47,640
I dance, I jump, I grind.
599
00:27:47,745 --> 00:27:49,580
I once hung upside down
and let a man
600
00:27:49,581 --> 00:27:51,416
throw bologna at me.
601
00:27:53,745 --> 00:27:54,675
Hello ?
602
00:27:56,196 --> 00:27:58,245
Hey, Earl, Joy would
like a word with you,
603
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,597
and based on her tone, I think
it's gonna be a curse word.
604
00:28:02,339 --> 00:28:03,465
Earl, you son of a bitch !
605
00:28:03,550 --> 00:28:04,358
You better get your...
606
00:28:04,470 --> 00:28:05,306
That's a phone.
607
00:28:05,439 --> 00:28:06,303
Isn't it cool ?
608
00:28:06,416 --> 00:28:07,862
How does it work ?
609
00:28:07,974 --> 00:28:09,364
Nobody knows.
610
00:28:09,524 --> 00:28:11,228
I didn't believe
what Joy told me
611
00:28:11,229 --> 00:28:12,932
until I saw it
with my own eyes.
612
00:28:12,979 --> 00:28:15,937
That bitch wife of yours tied a rope to
your car and flipped my trailer back over.
613
00:28:16,010 --> 00:28:18,958
I don't get it, if Billie's mad at me,
why would she take it out on you ?
614
00:28:19,052 --> 00:28:20,207
Where is she ?
615
00:28:20,310 --> 00:28:23,484
I am so angry, I just want to
beat her with my tiny little fists.
616
00:28:23,542 --> 00:28:25,373
That's right, let it out, cricket.
617
00:28:25,486 --> 00:28:27,373
You're never gonna
believe what Billie did.
618
00:28:28,575 --> 00:28:31,540
It's not often et tmeet
one of kenny's girlfriends.
619
00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:34,375
You are kenny's girlfriend, aren't you ?
620
00:28:34,460 --> 00:28:36,610
I'm not sure I'm kenny's type.
621
00:28:36,986 --> 00:28:38,958
Here, see for yourself.
622
00:28:41,845 --> 00:28:44,869
Please tell me he's blowing
up a man-shaped balloon.
623
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,779
Earl, she told my parents she is
going to undo your entire list.
624
00:28:50,850 --> 00:28:52,343
The list.
625
00:28:52,808 --> 00:28:54,672
Billie must've stolen it.
626
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:57,738
Looks like there's a
monster loose in camden.
627
00:28:58,765 --> 00:29:00,482
Then I guess...
628
00:29:00,892 --> 00:29:03,489
we're going monster hunting.
629
00:29:03,709 --> 00:29:08,204
Yeah !
630
00:29:08,468 --> 00:29:09,319
Sorry.
631
00:29:09,568 --> 00:29:11,167
I stepped on a nail.
632
00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:17,373
Once we figured out
that Billie was trying
633
00:29:17,374 --> 00:29:19,193
to undo everything on my list,
634
00:29:19,266 --> 00:29:22,274
Darnell helped us set hat
he called a command center.
635
00:29:22,402 --> 00:29:24,706
I put pins in the locations
where she's already struck.
636
00:29:24,832 --> 00:29:26,944
It will help us figure out
where she's going to hit next.
637
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:28,212
According to my calculations,
638
00:29:28,329 --> 00:29:31,310
the only place I know for sure
is safe is pop's hot dog cart.
639
00:29:31,404 --> 00:29:34,104
Billie just burned
down pop's hot dog cart.
640
00:29:34,832 --> 00:29:38,060
all right, I was guessing,
but damn, what are the odds ?
641
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,607
Greta, she just wrote
that in ink, right ?
642
00:29:45,865 --> 00:29:48,154
Watch this.
643
00:29:48,623 --> 00:29:49,844
Are you magic ?
644
00:29:49,961 --> 00:29:51,135
Yes.
645
00:29:51,318 --> 00:29:54,346
No, Greta, it's a dry erase marker,
646
00:29:54,429 --> 00:29:56,753
and they're evil, and you can
get high from sniffing them.
647
00:29:56,940 --> 00:29:57,586
I'll show you.
648
00:29:57,715 --> 00:29:59,980
Randy, put it down.
649
00:30:00,696 --> 00:30:02,175
Hey, Earl,
650
00:30:02,398 --> 00:30:03,818
thanks to your wife,
651
00:30:03,903 --> 00:30:05,582
our neighborhood's
crawling with tourists.
652
00:30:05,711 --> 00:30:07,706
Everybody wants to see "freak town."
653
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:09,807
Some guy tried to put me in a babybjörn.
654
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,439
I hate austin powers.
655
00:30:13,317 --> 00:30:16,791
Hey, look, there's a
couple of freaks right now !
656
00:30:17,122 --> 00:30:18,941
It's horn head and tiny guy.
657
00:30:19,352 --> 00:30:21,711
Feel free to point and laugh,
as they do not have emotions
658
00:30:21,712 --> 00:30:24,070
like you and I.
659
00:30:26,793 --> 00:30:29,704
we were trying hard to figure
out who else she was gonna hit.
660
00:30:29,857 --> 00:30:33,108
Turns out, the real question
was, who wasn'tshe gonna hit ?
661
00:30:33,542 --> 00:30:34,669
She got Didi.
662
00:30:39,448 --> 00:30:41,302
She got mistletoe the stripper,
663
00:30:41,396 --> 00:30:42,812
first day back to work
at club Chubby
664
00:30:42,868 --> 00:30:45,047
without a back brace.
665
00:30:53,556 --> 00:30:55,941
She even made a recording
of Nescobar-a-lop-lop,
666
00:30:56,044 --> 00:30:57,650
so he could hear his own accent.
667
00:30:57,725 --> 00:30:59,903
Oh, god, that's what I sound like ?
668
00:31:00,204 --> 00:31:02,617
People should make fun of foreigners.
669
00:31:04,905 --> 00:31:06,379
And before I knew it,
670
00:31:06,473 --> 00:31:09,384
it seemed like I had the
whole town in front of me.
671
00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:15,287
people, people !
672
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,865
I'll fix it all.
673
00:31:17,353 --> 00:31:19,165
I'm doing my best.
674
00:31:20,733 --> 00:31:21,710
Hello?
675
00:31:22,367 --> 00:31:24,198
Earl, it's Billie.
676
00:31:27,890 --> 00:31:29,486
You got to stop this, Billie.
677
00:31:29,524 --> 00:31:31,759
Hey, you like spending
time with your list so much,
678
00:31:31,834 --> 00:31:34,360
now you get to start all over again.
679
00:31:34,763 --> 00:31:35,430
It's not right.
680
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:36,824
You're hurting innocent people.
681
00:31:36,927 --> 00:31:41,021
Speaking of innocent,
someone wants to talk to you.
682
00:31:41,611 --> 00:31:45,207
We went shopping, Earl, and
now we're having fast food.
683
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:47,770
I just ate beef that
I didn't have to raise,
684
00:31:47,892 --> 00:31:49,460
name and look in the eyes as I
smashed its head
685
00:31:49,461 --> 00:31:51,028
with a killing hammer.
686
00:31:51,124 --> 00:31:52,514
It's delicious !
687
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,654
Randy, I told you to watch Greta.
688
00:31:54,730 --> 00:31:57,809
I did. I watched her go out the door
and to the vending machine.
689
00:31:57,848 --> 00:32:00,599
She's so cute, I can't
take my eyes off her.
690
00:32:01,689 --> 00:32:04,703
Oh, you meant watch,
like keep track of her.
691
00:32:04,806 --> 00:32:06,280
That, I did not do.
692
00:32:06,496 --> 00:32:08,684
Billie, I swear, if anything
happens to that girl...
693
00:32:08,818 --> 00:32:10,743
It'll be your fault, Earl.
694
00:32:10,828 --> 00:32:13,250
You made me do this when
you chose your list over me,
695
00:32:13,419 --> 00:32:14,941
so if you keep doing your list,
696
00:32:15,025 --> 00:32:18,171
I'll keep making bad things
happen to people on it.
697
00:32:18,398 --> 00:32:21,131
Oh, my God, she's talking about us !
698
00:32:34,328 --> 00:32:37,370
That's when I realized, there
was only one thing left to do.
699
00:32:37,567 --> 00:32:40,308
So, for the last time,
Earl, what's it gonna be--
700
00:32:40,477 --> 00:32:42,392
me or the list?
701
00:32:43,284 --> 00:32:46,157
Okay, Billie, I choose you.
702
00:32:49,559 --> 00:32:51,634
I couldn't believe
I had to give up my list,
703
00:32:51,850 --> 00:32:54,554
but I hoped if I could get
Greta back to the Camdenites,
704
00:32:54,695 --> 00:32:57,052
Karma would make everything okay.
705
00:33:02,345 --> 00:33:05,660
Glad you finally mind up and did right by your wife, Earl.
706
00:33:05,737 --> 00:33:06,910
Where's Greta ?
707
00:33:07,070 --> 00:33:09,154
I left her at Chubby's burgers.
708
00:33:09,267 --> 00:33:10,093
What do you care ?
709
00:33:10,198 --> 00:33:11,532
You're here for me, not her, right ?
710
00:33:11,626 --> 00:33:13,635
See, now you're not
even giving us a chance.
711
00:33:13,710 --> 00:33:14,818
You didn't even bring her.
712
00:33:14,921 --> 00:33:17,034
How do you expect Karma
to do anything good for us ?
713
00:33:17,128 --> 00:33:18,405
Screw Karma.
714
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,768
You shouldn't have said that.
715
00:33:19,928 --> 00:33:22,200
Why? What's gonna happen to me?
716
00:33:24,548 --> 00:33:25,496
You called the cops?
717
00:33:25,571 --> 00:33:26,914
I did not, I swear.
718
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,333
Then who did ?
Karma?
719
00:33:28,427 --> 00:33:29,413
It wasn't Karma.
720
00:33:29,526 --> 00:33:31,132
It was something much scarier than that.
721
00:33:31,179 --> 00:33:32,709
There's the trailer-flipping whore.
722
00:33:32,850 --> 00:33:33,629
There she is.
723
00:33:33,704 --> 00:33:35,038
Look, she's making a run for it.
724
00:33:35,204 --> 00:33:36,960
Tase the bitch !
Tase her !
725
00:33:37,223 --> 00:33:38,181
Hey, Earl.
726
00:33:38,312 --> 00:33:39,664
Hey, Crab Man.
727
00:33:39,758 --> 00:33:41,073
I trusted you.
728
00:33:41,270 --> 00:33:43,345
You said you were putting me first.
729
00:33:43,507 --> 00:33:46,042
Well, now, I'm putting
you first on my list...
730
00:33:46,211 --> 00:33:47,704
of people to kill.
731
00:33:47,807 --> 00:33:48,558
That's a death threat.
732
00:33:48,671 --> 00:33:50,654
I know for a fact that you can
arrest her just for saying that
733
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,588
and keep her for 24 hours
without even pressing charges
734
00:33:52,673 --> 00:33:54,156
or letting her call her
kids to say good night.
735
00:33:54,260 --> 00:33:56,654
I can't. She just stepped
on Camdenite property.
736
00:33:56,786 --> 00:33:57,790
It's a sovereign land.
737
00:33:57,895 --> 00:34:00,130
Camden police have no jurisdiction.
738
00:34:00,271 --> 00:34:01,501
We try to keep that under wraps.
739
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,839
Otherwise, all the criminals
would hide out there.
740
00:34:04,018 --> 00:34:06,431
Good. Then I'll just hide out here.
741
00:34:06,572 --> 00:34:07,276
See ?
742
00:34:09,643 --> 00:34:12,169
When you least expect it...
743
00:34:12,901 --> 00:34:14,892
...I'll be coming for you, Earl.
744
00:34:16,291 --> 00:34:17,268
Don't worry, buddy.
745
00:34:17,373 --> 00:34:20,434
I'm gonna be out here 24/seven
to nab her as soon as she leaves.
746
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,171
Actually, 24/5.
747
00:34:22,283 --> 00:34:24,434
In five days,
it's the department bass fishing trip,
748
00:34:24,518 --> 00:34:28,152
which is gonna be a blast,
but it'll leave us a little shorthanded.
749
00:34:28,666 --> 00:34:30,398
I had five days to find Greta
750
00:34:30,399 --> 00:34:32,131
and convince her to return
to the Camdenites,
751
00:34:32,206 --> 00:34:34,178
so Karma would be happy.
752
00:34:38,001 --> 00:34:40,254
Now, it wasn't
just to save my relationship.
753
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:41,869
It was to save my life.
754
00:34:42,048 --> 00:34:43,663
Here, Greta !
755
00:34:43,991 --> 00:34:46,977
Here, Greta, Greta, Greta, Greta!
756
00:34:47,174 --> 00:34:48,545
Greta?!
757
00:34:50,460 --> 00:34:51,117
Greta!
758
00:34:51,267 --> 00:34:53,061
But she was nowhere to be found,
759
00:34:53,164 --> 00:34:55,253
and after searching,
around the clock for five days,
760
00:34:55,254 --> 00:34:57,342
I knew I was screwed.
761
00:34:57,464 --> 00:34:59,230
Hey, Earl !
762
00:34:59,859 --> 00:35:00,910
Good luck !
763
00:35:04,506 --> 00:35:05,793
I was out of time.
764
00:35:05,962 --> 00:35:07,802
Billie could be coming
for me any minute,
765
00:35:07,915 --> 00:35:10,009
and I still didn't know
where Greta was.
766
00:35:10,339 --> 00:35:13,447
Turns ordinary water into champagne.
767
00:35:14,142 --> 00:35:16,152
Greta, where-where have you been ?
768
00:35:16,368 --> 00:35:17,861
Randy's been hiding me.
769
00:35:17,947 --> 00:35:20,849
Damn it, Randy,
you know my situation with Billie.
770
00:35:21,046 --> 00:35:24,389
If Greta doesn't go back,
I can't fix my Karma with women.
771
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:25,760
What about me ?
772
00:35:25,931 --> 00:35:28,109
Everything's always
about you and your list.
773
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:29,555
When I do I get a turn?
774
00:35:29,677 --> 00:35:31,348
I don't have bad Karma
with women,
775
00:35:31,470 --> 00:35:35,039
so why should I have to lose Greta
to help your problem with Billie ?
776
00:35:35,191 --> 00:35:36,778
Besides, I want to stay out here,
777
00:35:36,909 --> 00:35:39,139
in the land of zippers
and mirrors
778
00:35:39,140 --> 00:35:41,369
and tampons that are not made
out of hay.
779
00:35:41,454 --> 00:35:42,261
Come on, Grettie.
780
00:35:42,336 --> 00:35:46,286
You can't decide to change your whole
way of life just based on a few days.
781
00:35:46,417 --> 00:35:50,605
You changed your life in just one day,
Earl, and that was right for you.
782
00:35:52,643 --> 00:35:54,671
I said something smart, didn't I?
783
00:35:54,821 --> 00:35:57,253
Oh, you always say
something smart, Randy.
784
00:35:57,394 --> 00:35:59,065
Maybe Greta wasn't supposed
to help me
785
00:35:59,066 --> 00:36:00,736
fix my Karma with women.
786
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,126
Maybe she was part
of Randy's Karma,
787
00:36:03,127 --> 00:36:05,413
rewarding him for being
a good guy.
788
00:36:08,663 --> 00:36:10,307
And that meant I needed
to come up
789
00:36:10,363 --> 00:36:12,842
with something else to make
things up to the Camdenites.
790
00:36:13,161 --> 00:36:15,114
but it was hard to think about that
when I was worried
791
00:36:15,115 --> 00:36:17,067
about Billie being on the loose.
792
00:36:17,187 --> 00:36:20,426
And I knew I had to stay
awake and keep an eye out.
793
00:36:54,858 --> 00:36:56,379
Earl?
794
00:36:57,515 --> 00:36:58,623
Earl?
795
00:37:01,958 --> 00:37:03,319
Wakey, wakey.
796
00:37:03,451 --> 00:37:04,822
Life's at stakey !
797
00:37:04,934 --> 00:37:09,094
This time, I knew I wasn't dreaming,
and Billie still had her key.
798
00:37:13,583 --> 00:37:14,137
Quick !
799
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:15,761
Just pretend we're pillows.
800
00:37:16,181 --> 00:37:17,805
It's okay.
801
00:37:18,162 --> 00:37:20,050
I'm not here to hurt you.
802
00:37:20,219 --> 00:37:22,472
Then what's with the ax ?
803
00:37:23,176 --> 00:37:24,979
All Camdenites women carry them
804
00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:26,782
for protection when we leave
the farm.
805
00:37:26,895 --> 00:37:29,073
I suggested pepper spray,
but it turns out,
806
00:37:29,167 --> 00:37:32,341
we, Camdenites, don't believe
in spray... or pepper.
807
00:37:32,679 --> 00:37:34,867
"We, Camdenites?"
808
00:37:35,167 --> 00:37:37,102
It seemed the Camdenites
didn't have a problem
809
00:37:37,158 --> 00:37:40,088
with Billie using their land
to hide out from the police.
810
00:37:44,951 --> 00:37:46,744
But they did have
a problem sharing their land
811
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:49,073
with someone not willing
to share the work.
812
00:37:58,457 --> 00:38:00,467
And, while it took some
getting used to,
813
00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:04,044
she soon found that field work was
a great way to get out her anger.
814
00:38:04,279 --> 00:38:06,861
In fact, it made her feel
pretty good.
815
00:38:16,873 --> 00:38:19,258
and, when she fell back
into her stealing ways,
816
00:38:19,389 --> 00:38:23,276
it didn't work, 'cause in the Camdenite village,
all the property was shared.
817
00:38:23,380 --> 00:38:24,948
You can have it.
818
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:34,632
And even though
she was used to being selfish,
819
00:38:34,877 --> 00:38:38,595
it was hard to be greedy around people
who were so happy to give.
820
00:38:52,262 --> 00:38:55,079
Billie had spent her whole
life searching for something.
821
00:38:55,201 --> 00:38:57,416
She tried crime,
nursing school,
822
00:38:57,417 --> 00:38:59,632
and then she met me,
and tried Karma.
823
00:38:59,792 --> 00:39:01,632
But nothing felt right...
824
00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:02,797
until now.
825
00:39:03,013 --> 00:39:09,271
Take me home, country road...
826
00:39:09,889 --> 00:39:11,860
I guess Karma didn't want
to turn you into
827
00:39:11,861 --> 00:39:13,832
another me, after all.
828
00:39:14,095 --> 00:39:16,415
I was just supposed
to help you find the real you.
829
00:39:17,128 --> 00:39:20,189
And now you could cross
the Camdenites off your list.
830
00:39:21,044 --> 00:39:22,753
But first...
831
00:39:24,471 --> 00:39:26,537
...divorce papers.
832
00:39:27,438 --> 00:39:29,908
Uh, you need to sign...
833
00:39:30,011 --> 00:39:31,880
I know where to sign.
834
00:39:34,898 --> 00:39:39,293
"Earl J. Hickey."
835
00:39:41,922 --> 00:39:43,396
Thanks, Earl.
836
00:39:46,097 --> 00:39:47,392
What's this ?
837
00:39:48,416 --> 00:39:51,364
Maybe Karma didn't want
me to be your reward,
838
00:39:51,665 --> 00:39:53,862
but it still wanted you
to have one.
839
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,406
Do good things.
840
00:40:14,526 --> 00:40:16,198
"Dear Mr. Rockefeller,
841
00:40:16,503 --> 00:40:20,541
this $72,000 is the remainder
of my insurance settlement.
842
00:40:20,794 --> 00:40:23,752
It would be more if you
didn't double up on the tissues.
843
00:40:24,475 --> 00:40:27,076
I think this money was
always meant for you.
844
00:40:27,209 --> 00:40:28,993
Love,
Billie."
845
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:43,038
I was glad Billie found
where she belonged.
846
00:40:43,291 --> 00:40:46,127
After I had spent time
in prison...
847
00:40:46,662 --> 00:40:49,929
after I doubted Karma
and got hit by a car...
848
00:40:50,333 --> 00:40:53,478
after lying for a pretty
good while in a coma...
849
00:40:55,927 --> 00:41:01,007
...I had my list again, and
I was finally back where I belonged.