1 00:00:01,180 --> 00:00:03,660 I can't. I can't do it. 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,400 Oh, of course you can and you will. 3 00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:10,340 Okay, Schmidt, we've been to 11 weddings in a row. 4 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,910 That's too many weddings. 5 00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:14,520 I can't even get into the fridge anymore. 6 00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:20,410 Aah! 7 00:00:20,430 --> 00:00:22,280 I'm so hungry. 8 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:23,940 Why does everybody get to have a party 9 00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:25,480 for everything in their life? 10 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,310 Why can't I have a party 11 00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:28,810 for really dedicating myself to knitting this summer? 12 00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:30,910 God, I hate that you knit. I hate everything about it. 13 00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:31,520 Why? 14 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,850 It makes me angry and scared all at the same time. 15 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,180 Just like when I hear the phrase, 16 00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:37,550 "Academy Award winner Anna Paquin." 17 00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:39,690 - Jessica, you are going to this wedding. - Well... well... 18 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,690 And I'm gonna tell you why: Sexual intercourse. 19 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:42,790 Do you remember that? 20 00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:44,690 You got to get back out there, Jess. 21 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,530 The last mouth that you kissed 22 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,530 was Nick's mouth. 23 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:48,860 That was four months ago. 24 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:51,330 Think about that. That's horrible. 25 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,970 Hey. Is Schmidt making fun of me? 26 00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:53,800 - Yes. - Hi, Nick. 27 00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:54,800 Okay, cool. Just checking. 28 00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,170 Are you wearing tap shoes? 29 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,240 I got 'em at the goodwill. I thought they were 30 00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:58,340 just really shiny dress shoes. 31 00:00:58,370 --> 00:00:59,210 (Clicking) 32 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,910 They're cool. 33 00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:02,170 Coach: Hey, what do you guys think 34 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,340 about this belt? Like for a wedding gift? 35 00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:05,680 Nick, Coach, get in here. 36 00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:07,300 Everybody in here. 37 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:08,810 Are we a man down? 38 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:10,520 I feel like there's one more of us. 39 00:01:10,550 --> 00:01:11,980 Something's going on in Jess' room?! 40 00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:13,190 I'm coming! 41 00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:15,520 (Moans) 42 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,420 Just wait for me. 43 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:19,530 - He's sore from police academy. - I'm sore from police academy! 44 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,000 Okay, we have gone to wedding after wedding this summer, 45 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,430 and, with the exception of Coach and myself, 46 00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:27,570 none of us have truly taken advantage 47 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,920 of the sexual opportunities that a wedding provides. 48 00:01:29,940 --> 00:01:30,920 Jess: Not true. 49 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:34,070 Wedding number seven, an unneutered dog ran after me, so... 50 00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:34,740 (Scoffs) 51 00:01:34,770 --> 00:01:35,740 I made out with a bridesmaid. 52 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:36,940 - Jess: You did? - Yes. 53 00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:38,080 She was wearing a hospital bracelet 54 00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:40,010 and carrying a dead goldfish in a bag. 55 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:41,710 (Snorts) She was still a bridesmaid. 56 00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:42,580 Coach: She looked like the snowman from Frozen. 57 00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:44,120 Hey, aim for the middle. 58 00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:46,720 The ride's rough at first, but the body adjusts. 59 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:47,590 (Thud, clattering) 60 00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:49,590 I'm all right! I just rolled off the couch. 61 00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,720 Winston, please! 62 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,860 I can't close my ass! 63 00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:56,400 We are hooking up tonight, all five of us, 64 00:01:56,430 --> 00:01:58,500 including the gimp. 65 00:01:58,530 --> 00:01:59,630 This is the last wedding of summer, 66 00:01:59,670 --> 00:02:01,430 which means it is our last chance. 67 00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:03,620 - Nobody meets anybody in fall... - No. 68 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,370 Or winter. What, are you gonna gamble 69 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:08,460 on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater? 70 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,780 - Not me. - Do you realize how important this is? 71 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:12,780 I do. 72 00:02:12,810 --> 00:02:15,950 Winter... is coming. 73 00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,750 No one comes home alone. 74 00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:21,420 You know what, yeah. 75 00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,220 Yeah, I'm in. 76 00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:24,520 She's in. We're all in. 77 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:25,420 - Yeah. - Yes. 78 00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:26,430 I'm in. 79 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,430 I can't hear what's going on, 80 00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:28,530 but I'm in. 81 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,900 All five of us out there together, 82 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:32,060 in the wild, 83 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,970 getting some strange, like a sex fist. 84 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,170 - I'm sorry, what? - Mm, that's not what you mean. 85 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,270 - What's a sex fist, now? - One, two, three, four, 86 00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:41,340 five of us, together, make a fist. 87 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,610 - You're making a mistake right now. - Schmidt, Nick, 88 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,010 Coach, Winston, Jess... sex fist. 89 00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:47,080 - When you put them all together, - Nick: No, that's not right. 90 00:02:47,110 --> 00:02:48,580 tearing our way through the reception. 91 00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,090 - Slow down. - Are you listening to what you're saying? 92 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,450 Isn't that sweet? It's a metaphor for togetherness. 93 00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:53,920 - It could just be a fist. - All five of us 94 00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:55,390 sex-fisting our way... 95 00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:57,530 S04E01 The Last Wedding 96 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,200 Hi, everybody. Uh, I'm Ted. I'm, uh... 97 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,470 I'm Mark's best friend and his best man. 98 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:12,400 I-I've known mark since he was in diapers, you know? 99 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,840 Uh, and, by that, I mean junior year of college. 100 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,810 (Laughter) 101 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,380 Ah, what about him, Jess? 102 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,420 - What? The best man? - Best man. 103 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,350 Get real, you clown. 104 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:26,090 I've been out of the game too long. 105 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,110 - He's a wedding celebrity. - Everybody say hi to Nana. 106 00:03:28,130 --> 00:03:29,560 How great does Nana look, everybody? 107 00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:31,480 Give it up for Nana. 108 00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,090 Six months sober. 109 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,190 (Laughter) 110 00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:36,000 I'm kidding. Three months. 111 00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,610 (Laughter) 112 00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:39,430 Jess, come on. Get in there. 113 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,500 - What? - You got this. 114 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:42,030 - Think so? - Yes, you got the bangs parted. 115 00:03:42,070 --> 00:03:42,840 You're looking good. 116 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:44,170 - Really? - Yes. 117 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,570 - Okay. - Wait a minute. Hold on. 118 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,840 Stick your boobs out. Gotta turn the headlights on. 119 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,580 Ew! Schmidt. 120 00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:51,750 But you got it. 121 00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:53,140 Sex fist. 122 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,610 All right. 123 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:55,790 Hi. 124 00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:57,850 Hi to you. 125 00:03:57,890 --> 00:03:59,020 (Chuckles) 126 00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:00,600 I'm Coach. 127 00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:02,440 Oh, my God. 128 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:04,630 You don't remember me? 129 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:05,590 Yeah... 130 00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:06,860 Yeah, I remember... (Yells) 131 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:08,760 Ooh... Ooh... 132 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,090 - I'm good. - It's the end of the wedding season. 133 00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:12,480 We've got some repeats. 134 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,400 Oh, God. What is she doing here? 135 00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:16,140 I thought she was in Australia. 136 00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:17,140 How do I look? 137 00:04:17,170 --> 00:04:18,270 How-how Jewish? 138 00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:19,710 I mean, like, good Jewish or bad Jewish? 139 00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:21,270 Oh, I won't say... it feels like a trap. 140 00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:23,510 Come on. Come with me. 141 00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:25,310 I haven't told the guys 142 00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,550 that you broke up with Buster yet, 'cause, um... 143 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,180 I feel like I might have to tell Schmidt 144 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:30,880 outside a hospital, 145 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,550 like, you know, when you give a baby 146 00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,020 peanut butter for the first time? 147 00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:35,490 Yeah. 148 00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,220 You're not doing this tonight. 149 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,480 - What? - You're not doing this tonight. 150 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,890 - I'm not listening to you. - You're not doing this tonight. 151 00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:40,890 I'm picturing CeCe naked. 152 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:42,060 Stop doing this! 153 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,300 CeCe has a boyfriend, and your obsession with her 154 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:47,230 is not good for you, man. 155 00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:48,800 She's been away all summer, 156 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,800 and you have been killing it! 157 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,440 Mostly hand stuff. 158 00:04:52,470 --> 00:04:53,740 Who had sex with a bridesmaid 159 00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:55,910 on a 45-minute flight to San Jose? 160 00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:58,410 - Me. - You were boarding group "d." 161 00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,610 She was "b." How's that even possible? 162 00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,250 - Gotta think outside of the box, my man. - Now get your little 163 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:04,180 white butt back out there 164 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,090 and finish the summer of sex that you started. 165 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,090 That's what I'm talking about. 166 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,090 CeCe gone. 167 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,090 See that bridesmaid right there? 168 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,040 - The pretty one? - Schmidt: Sure do. 169 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,290 - The foxy lady? - Mm-hmm. 170 00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:13,530 Well, you're going home with her tonight. 171 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,740 - And I got your back. - Look at that. 172 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,680 She looks like the girl from the commercial playing tennis with a tampon in. 173 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,020 Let's do it. 174 00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:21,930 Hi. I'm Jess. 175 00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:22,670 Hi. I'm Ted. 176 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,430 - Cheers. - Cheers. 177 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:26,270 So you're from Wisconsin... (Voice squeaks) 178 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:27,310 (Clears throat) 179 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,010 (Coughs) 180 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,530 I'm sorry. Is this thing on? 181 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,310 You're making your throat like a microphone. 182 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:33,480 Yeah. (Goofy, raspy cough) 183 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:34,210 That's funny! 184 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,350 - Thank you. - Yeah. 185 00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,550 - Woman: I loved your speech. - Oh. 186 00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:39,320 - Hi. I'm Kat. - Hi. 187 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:40,940 - I'm Ted. - Kat: Really nice to meet you. 188 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,020 Yeah. Oh. 189 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:44,290 Excuse me. 190 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,330 My girlfriend's getting jealous. 191 00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:48,800 Kat: Perfect specimen. 192 00:05:52,630 --> 00:05:54,940 Ted is the only eligible guy here, 193 00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,790 and we are his two best options for procreation. 194 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,040 - Oh. - I'm not trying to intimidate you, 195 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,940 I just want you to know who you're dealing with 196 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,190 if we're both gonna compete for this man tonight. 197 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,580 - What? - Here are the facts: 198 00:06:05,610 --> 00:06:07,110 I am technically a genius, 199 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,310 I have a photographic memory 200 00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,540 and I lost my virginity to Malcolm Gladwell. 201 00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:11,680 Okay... 202 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,950 Have you ever heard of plutoxic syndrome? 203 00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:15,490 That's because I cured it. 204 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,860 You're welcome, vaginas everywhere. 205 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:19,770 (Goofy voice): Oh, thank you very much. 206 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,700 I'm sorry, that was... 207 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,460 Vagina voice, and a... 208 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,770 It was a huge mistake. 209 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,400 I stay current on sporting events. 210 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,300 I watch 30 minutes of porn every night 211 00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:31,140 just to stay up to date on the latest sex trends. 212 00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:32,640 In the coming months, I'm predicting 213 00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:33,970 a throwback to missionary. 214 00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:36,040 It all depends on what happens in Syria. 215 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,380 Well, have you ever had sex 216 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:38,980 when you were really, really, really, really, 217 00:06:39,010 --> 00:06:41,150 - really, really tired? - I'm never tired. 218 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,050 I'm the better choice of mate. 219 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,120 From a purely biological standpoint, 220 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,250 you're shorter, weaker, and dumber. 221 00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:48,510 No offense. I love those shoes. 222 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,430 I love your shoes. 223 00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,530 But I love your shoes. 224 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:55,860 Your shoes. 225 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,820 - No, I love your shoes. - Your shoes. 226 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,550 - Your shoes. - (Very quiet): Your shoes. 227 00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:01,390 (Whispering): Your shoes. 228 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:02,840 (No voice) 229 00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:05,450 - What? - I was just moving my mouth. 230 00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:11,360 - So you're competing with her? - Jess: I can take her down, 231 00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:13,840 because I have something she doesn't have: 232 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:14,630 You guys. 233 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,100 Now, strategies. 234 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,140 What about you, Coach? 235 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,570 You hook up at weddings all the time. 236 00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:19,740 What's your strategy? 237 00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:21,280 It's called being a gorgeous black man 238 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,230 with the body of an action figure. 239 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:24,910 I could give that a try. 240 00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:26,710 (Laughing) Nick: You want to know what your ex-boyfriend 241 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,780 thinks you should do to get the guy? 242 00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,050 No, I don't. That's super weird. 243 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,590 Yeah, it's too weird, so... Somebody else. 244 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:33,160 Okay, look, babe, just get out on the dance floor, okay? 245 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:35,800 Guys think that they way you dance is the way you have sex. 246 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:36,290 Okay. 247 00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:37,590 So just give them a little something, okay? 248 00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:39,750 You just need to, like, roll your body a little bit. 249 00:07:39,770 --> 00:07:41,600 Something a little sexy. 250 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,210 Pop your hip out a little bit. 251 00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:44,770 Hey, man, I'm not gonna lie to you right now. 252 00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:46,260 - I've got a halfie. - Okay, we got to go! 253 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,020 - Excuse me, everybody! - I need a minute. 254 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,040 What do you think of this? 255 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,510 Mm... hmm... 256 00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:57,250 Mm-mm. 257 00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:00,430 - I'm good to go now. - Let's go! 258 00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:01,600 All right. 259 00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:03,100 Ugh! 260 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:07,020 I just want to get back out there, but I feel like I forgot everything I knew. 261 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:09,760 Do you guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty? 262 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,560 Would you like to know my strategy, Jess? 263 00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:14,540 Is the art of seduction really where you shine? 264 00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:15,970 Be there. 265 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:19,200 - (Laughs): That's it? - Yeah. Just be there. 266 00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:21,530 No matter where he goes, be there. 267 00:08:21,550 --> 00:08:24,660 He gets a drink, be there. He talks to his friends, be there. 268 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,980 At the end of the night, be there. 269 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,260 It's called "the Joe Biden." 270 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,680 That's creepy, man. 271 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:30,850 The basic concept of what he's saying, though, 272 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,910 - could actually work. - Yeah. 273 00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:34,220 (Quiet laugh) 274 00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,450 I'm gonna biden his ass. 275 00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:38,150 Mm-hmm. 276 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,820 Oh, yeah. Yup. That'll do it. 277 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,560 I know. 278 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,560 Oh, hey! Uh, you know, 279 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,290 Kat was just telling me about her hairlessness. 280 00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:48,800 Hmm. She's like a seal. 281 00:08:48,830 --> 00:08:50,870 (Laughs) Hmm. That's okay. 282 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,800 You guys talk. 283 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:55,160 I'm just gonna be here. 284 00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,240 I'm sorry I didn't call you. 285 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,340 Why are you so scared of intimacy? 286 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:02,010 Who broke your heart and why haven't you forgiven her? 287 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,280 Uh... well... Yeah, the thi... 288 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,510 Huh? 289 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:07,250 You're arrogant, you're sexist... 290 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,880 You stole my phone charger. 291 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,720 You're conceited. You're a liar. 292 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:11,850 Aah! 293 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:13,430 I rented best man holiday. 294 00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:15,160 You're not in it. 295 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,130 So, you know Tom... 296 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,100 Uh, Tom, of course, he wanted to sell shoes for a profit. 297 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,470 And I said, "no." 298 00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:25,900 I said, "you... 299 00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:28,430 You do something better." 300 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,610 You got a... pretty good face. 301 00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:35,280 So, you guys want to come home with us, right? 302 00:09:36,370 --> 00:09:37,680 We want to do a four-way. 303 00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,650 Me, her, you and him. 304 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,820 Of course. We'll, uh... Nick? 305 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:43,880 (Knocks) 306 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,420 Nick?! 307 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,330 - Hi. How are you? - Hi. Good. How are you? 308 00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:53,390 - Are you enjoying the wedding? - Yeah. 309 00:09:53,430 --> 00:09:55,400 You be... yeah. 310 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,380 Mm! 311 00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:02,750 Hey. 312 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,140 - Hey, Nick. - Hey, Schmidt. 313 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:07,240 Hey, do you know how they sell ice cream at the drugstore...? 314 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,440 I'm not having a four-way with you... end of discussion. 315 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:10,810 Come on, Nick. We don't have any other choice. 316 00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:12,880 I've found 15 other girls since I've been here. 317 00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,780 They're all either married or taken or mad at Coach. 318 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:16,980 I'm not doing a four-way with you... 319 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,730 It's the last helicopter out of Saigon, my man. 320 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:19,920 Charlie won. 321 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,660 - No, Schmidt. - You won't even know it's me, Nick. 322 00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:24,330 Look, at this point, it's all skin and shapes... 323 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,530 That's-that's what I'm afraid of. 324 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,560 It-it's the fog of war, man. 325 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,230 There's so much stuff going on. 326 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,880 - You're just, you're just here. - Yeah... 327 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:30,830 You don't even know what's happening. 328 00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,030 Okay, but I want to know what's happening 329 00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:33,950 if it's with sex... I don't want some 330 00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:36,670 fog of war on top of me, if it looks like you. 331 00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:37,320 That's the point. 332 00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:38,810 The fog of war is something you can't see through. 333 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,140 Like, the whole thing with the Charlie thing 334 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,810 and Vietnam, I don't know who I'm fighting! 335 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,110 I'm soft like a lady. You won't even know. 336 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:45,970 - But what if I get a surprise? - "A surprise"? 337 00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,510 - What if there's a surprise on me? - There's not gonna be a surprise on you. 338 00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,600 What if I'm fighting the war and boom... there's a surprise! 339 00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,250 You go north, I go south. 340 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:54,610 Do you know what I'm saying? 341 00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,290 I'll be in steerage and I'm rowing. 342 00:10:56,330 --> 00:10:58,430 And I'm rowing and I'm rowing and the... 343 00:10:58,460 --> 00:10:59,830 You're up in the crow's nest. 344 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,260 Fre-fresh air up there, man. 345 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:02,800 And I'm in the trenches, you know? 346 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,000 I'm digging for coal. 347 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,470 I'm breathing in those fumes. 348 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,870 And you're up here. You're just taking 349 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,040 in the sights. You're spotting dolphins, huh? 350 00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:11,490 You're just the handsome prince covered in salty sea spray... 351 00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:14,310 I don't want you calling me handsome before a potential four-way! 352 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,580 This... 353 00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:16,880 Nick, please! 354 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:17,850 I'm begging you for this. 355 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:18,850 CeCe is here. 356 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,180 And I can't get her out of my head. 357 00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:22,570 Don't, don't, don't play the CeCe card right now, don't do... 358 00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:24,590 I'm gonna play the CeCe card, okay? 359 00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:27,020 Look, she's here and I don't want to go home alone. 360 00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:29,190 (Groans) I need your help, please. 361 00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:31,890 (Grunts loudly) 362 00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:34,160 What's up, guys? 363 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,700 Tell you what. I am so sore 364 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,700 I can't have sex with nobody tonight. 365 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:41,000 Only thing I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. I.B. Profen. 366 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,640 (Laughs) Minus the mister. 367 00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:44,410 My man... Winston, I got a question for you. 368 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,510 Do you think that, that two men 369 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:49,340 can engage in group sex without... 370 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,410 without compromising their friendship. 371 00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:52,480 Good question, good question. 372 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:54,150 Um... okay. 373 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,380 Uh, let's just say 374 00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:57,590 Nick is the salt. 375 00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:59,320 And, Schmidt, you are the pepper. 376 00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,190 I'm assuming we're talking about you two. 377 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,460 - Hypothetically, I suppose. - Whatever. Yes. 378 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,190 Hypothetically, all right. Not necessarily. 379 00:12:04,230 --> 00:12:06,090 Actually I'm gonna need some... 380 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,160 Ooh, boy. 381 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,700 Seems as if I've made a mess. 382 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,130 Got to clean that up. 383 00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,770 Yes, look at that. 384 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,540 Salt all in the pepper. 385 00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:15,740 Pepper all in the salt. 386 00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:17,810 Just mixed up like that. 387 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,820 Is there salt shoved in the pepper hole? 388 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,840 How'd it get in there? How did salt get shoved into this 389 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,650 tiny, tiny pepper hole? 390 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,560 Nick? 391 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,220 You're terrible at demonstrations! 392 00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:38,230 Oh, uh... 393 00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:39,360 You know, I-I'm just gonna, uh... 394 00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:40,660 Yeah, Ted. Get crazy. 395 00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:42,300 Leave it all out there on the field. 396 00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:43,800 Okay. (Claps hands) 397 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,970 I'll come back with stories. (Chuckles) 398 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,370 (Both laugh) 399 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,440 - Are you bidening? - What? No. 400 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:52,670 (Whispers): How did you know about that? 401 00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:55,880 Because I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. 402 00:12:55,910 --> 00:12:57,480 Extreme biden! 403 00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,050 (Whispering): Kat. 404 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:06,050 (Grunts with effort) 405 00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:08,090 Kat, Kat... let me out. 406 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:09,990 This was a huge mistake. 407 00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:11,560 I'm sorry. I'm not proud of this. 408 00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,310 It smells so bad in here. 409 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,230 (Quiet groan) 410 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,770 Ted: Jess? 411 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,080 Hi. 412 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,570 Jess, th-this is the men's room. 413 00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:29,060 This is where it all happens. 414 00:13:31,870 --> 00:13:35,250 Don't wait for me, Ted, 'cause I might be awhile. 415 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,720 See you out on the dance floor. 416 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,160 And at wedding 12, 417 00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,770 I sat on a men's toilet. 418 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,910 When did one-on-one sex become old-fashioned? 419 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,970 You know, America's got to take a hard look in the mirror at ourself. 420 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,130 We used to make things. 421 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,740 Just be glad you're not single. 422 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:06,740 Oh. 423 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:09,330 Actually Buster and I broke up. 424 00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:13,480 - So, anyway... - (Groaning): Oh... no! 425 00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,810 No! 426 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,350 That is so terrible! 427 00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:20,030 - Didn't know you cared this much. - No, no, no, no... 428 00:14:20,050 --> 00:14:21,560 - If you're single... - Mm-hmm. 429 00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:24,140 that means that I have to do something. 430 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,820 Something awful. 431 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,890 You have no idea what you just did to me. 432 00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:30,140 You have no idea, young lady! 433 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,200 I'll do the four-way with you. 434 00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:37,040 Yes! Okay, I'm gonna go book the room. 435 00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,480 You go to housekeeping, have them give you as many shower caps 436 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:40,540 - as they'll give you... - Okay, stop. 437 00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:42,310 They're gonna get one hand and I'm not gonna move it. 438 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,680 I'm just gonna dangle it into the mix 439 00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,040 while I look at something else on my phone. 440 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,080 And that's the deal. 441 00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:47,380 Aw, man, this is gonna be big for us. 442 00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:49,110 - This is for you, buddy. - Thanks. 443 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:50,390 (Laughs): Yeah! 444 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,020 What the hell is that? 445 00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:54,290 What are you talking about? 446 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,820 Yeah, what's-what's that on your hand, man? 447 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:57,260 Why is it so rough? It's like hoof. 448 00:14:57,290 --> 00:14:58,920 There's nothing on my hand. This is a regular old hand... 449 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,360 I'm out, I'm out. You're out of what? 450 00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:01,530 Four-way. Done. No way. 451 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,930 - Not with that thing. - You're a buffoon. 452 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,800 - That is ridiculous. - I was only doing it for you, Schmidt, 453 00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:07,030 so you don't freak out when you find out that CeCe's single. 454 00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:09,600 And now I'm the weirdo with the hoof hand. 455 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,870 What... take it back from the hoof hand. 456 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,470 What'd you say before? About CeCe being single? 457 00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:13,610 How do you know that? 458 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,370 She's single? 459 00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:17,580 I have my, uh... 460 00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:19,440 - assumptions. - So CeCe's single now. 461 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,450 You don't know that for sure. 462 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,450 That's interesting. 463 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,910 Why are you so calm? 464 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,220 Interesting. 465 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:28,150 Don't just say "interesting." 466 00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:30,790 That's interesting. 467 00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:32,660 If you're gonna say "interesting" say why it's interesting. 468 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,890 It is interesting. 469 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,160 (Screams) 470 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,300 Aah! 471 00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:39,760 Nick! 472 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:40,930 What are you doing here? 473 00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,070 What are you doing here? 474 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,100 It's the men's room! 475 00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:44,400 Mmm... 476 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,440 Jess, scooch over. All right. 477 00:15:48,090 --> 00:15:49,950 (Groans) 478 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,350 What are you doing? Just hiding in the bathroom? 479 00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,410 Kind of. 480 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:55,650 (Laughs) 481 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,080 (Laughs) Me, too. 482 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,780 I know I'm supposed to, like, 483 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,350 "get back out there," 484 00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:03,260 you know? But... 485 00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:05,520 Maybe I'm just not built for it. 486 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,660 Man, I hear you. 487 00:16:06,690 --> 00:16:07,990 Sidebar: What do my hands feel like? 488 00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,030 - Hooves. - Aw, son of a... 489 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,470 Maybe there's a reason 490 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,140 I'm not up on a fridge, you know? 491 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,600 Maybe some people are fridge people, 492 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,500 and other people are... 493 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,850 toilet people. 494 00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,110 You think you're a toilet person? 495 00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:24,210 (Laughing) You're not a toilet person. 496 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,410 You want to get on the fridge, 497 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:26,540 you'll get on the fridge, Jess. 498 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,110 Just be yourself, 499 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:30,020 and if he's not into Jessica Day, 500 00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:32,080 then there's something wrong with him. 501 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:37,460 Be myself. 502 00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:39,160 Like do my Tina Turner impression? 503 00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:40,390 How did your brain jump there? 504 00:16:40,430 --> 00:16:42,390 ♪ What's love got to do ♪ 505 00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:43,830 ♪ got to do with it? ♪ 506 00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:45,100 (Laughs) 507 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,100 (Laughs) All right. 508 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,370 I hear your logic. 509 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,100 - Come on. - No man wants that, but... 510 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,570 you can't quit, either. 511 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,910 You're our last hope. 512 00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:58,640 You're the only one out of the group 513 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,650 who might not go home alone tonight, Jess. 514 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,100 - Really? - Yes. 515 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,580 It's all on your shoulders. 516 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:06,050 So the sex fist... 517 00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:07,750 has... 518 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,060 turned into a sex finger. 519 00:17:10,090 --> 00:17:12,180 - Uh, don't... yeah. - Sex finger. 520 00:17:16,630 --> 00:17:18,880 Hey. Ted. Um... 521 00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,370 (Clears throat) I'm out of moves, so... 522 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:23,270 I'm just gonna try being myself. 523 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,810 Here's some stuff about me: 524 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,280 I've never cured anything. 525 00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:28,310 I'm a middle school vice principal 526 00:17:28,350 --> 00:17:29,650 and I love my job. 527 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,310 Um, I'm just getting out of a relationship 528 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,950 with a guy that I still live with, 529 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,450 which is kind of complicated. 530 00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:35,290 He's over there. 531 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,150 What's up, Nick? 532 00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,490 Hi, I'm Nick! 533 00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:43,190 Sometimes I cry when newscasters 534 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,760 wish each other "Happy Birthday" on air. 535 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,700 My first crush was on a Batman cake, 536 00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:50,570 but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba. 537 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,440 'Cause he was super hot, 538 00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:55,810 and I still, actually, find him hot. 539 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,440 Uh, truth time. Um... 540 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,080 So that's me. 541 00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:01,310 And if you want to take me home, Ted, 542 00:18:01,670 --> 00:18:04,200 we can definitely do some no-bra stuff. 543 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,940 Uh... 544 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,600 That's me naked. 545 00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:09,350 Well... 546 00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:10,650 ...and this is me with 547 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,620 a guy who I thought was Larry king. 548 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,160 So it's decision time. 549 00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:17,860 Yeah, Ted, who's it gonna be? 550 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:18,960 Me or Jess? 551 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000 (Sighs) 552 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:30,710 Hmm? 553 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,880 Ted: Ooh... 554 00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:34,710 Ted: Wow. Hah. 555 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,310 Ooh... 556 00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:39,720 This is tough. 557 00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,680 I mean, okay, 'cause I mean, over here 558 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,350 we've got, you know, the whole... you know. 559 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,160 And then, but of course over here we got the... bing, 560 00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,160 and the... you know. 561 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,730 Mmm... 562 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,560 (Groaning): Oh, God, what do I do? 563 00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:51,730 What do I do? 564 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,560 - It's over. - Moment's passed, Ted. 565 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,800 Okay. 566 00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:57,360 I'll take him out. 567 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,970 So you and Buster broke up. 568 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,370 Whew. I'm sorry. 569 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,640 Yeah, I'm just waiting 570 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:05,940 for you to do something weird now. 571 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,940 Yeah, I feel that coming on, so, um... 572 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,250 I'm gonna go. 573 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,350 (Sighs heavily) 574 00:19:11,380 --> 00:19:13,880 You know what doesn't whine and cry 575 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,650 is the sperm in my freezer. 576 00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:17,320 I am counting down the days 577 00:19:17,350 --> 00:19:19,860 until we don't need men to procreate. 578 00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:21,790 If I really put my mind to it... 579 00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:23,690 Autumn 2018. 580 00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:27,560 Are you ready? 581 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,530 Oh, it's my plan "b." 582 00:19:29,570 --> 00:19:31,600 Yeah. Beats going home alone. 583 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,340 Just giving her a ride. 584 00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:34,890 Nothing weird. 585 00:19:35,740 --> 00:19:37,540 (Whispering): We do this every time. 586 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:40,410 So, Katherine, uh... Where do you live? 587 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,480 About two inches north of your mouth, Padre. 588 00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:43,750 Bye. 589 00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:44,880 Bye. 590 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,890 Schmidt: It's okay, Jess. 591 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,750 Sex fist is obviously over. 592 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,560 We're all going home alone. 593 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,620 Well, that's where you're wrong, Schmidt. 594 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,760 We're not going home alone. 595 00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,450 - That's great. - All right. 596 00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:00,930 It's like that. 597 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:06,140 "Regan, Kevin and Rebecca..." 598 00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:07,770 (Laughing) 599 00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:09,010 "...request the honor of your presence." 600 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,440 How about the honor of my garbage can? 601 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,440 Coach: Hey! 602 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,940 Jess: Those fridge people with their stupid houses... 603 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,410 Oh, look at this one, guys. 604 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,120 Uh, it looks like Jeffrey and Lauren 605 00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:21,150 want us to share in their joy. 606 00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:23,240 How about they share in my chocolate pocket? 607 00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:25,220 (Laughing): What does that mean? 608 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:26,220 In my butt. 609 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,490 - Mm-mm. - Jess: That's gross. 610 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,290 Yeah, I... 611 00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:30,730 (Laughing) 612 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,860 Oh, man... how about this one, you guys? 613 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,060 Scott and Derek. 614 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,230 Yeah, real tasteful wedding... 615 00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:36,570 - for a Thursday! - Nick: Yeah. 616 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,970 Oh, look at that... Laurie and Mitchell. 617 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,300 They had a cash bar. 618 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,010 I hope they can't have kids! 619 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,840 That's super dark, bro. 620 00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:45,180 - That was too far. I hope they can... - Yeah! 621 00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:46,510 ...I hope they can, I hope they can. 622 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:47,610 CeCe and Shivrang... You bastards, 623 00:20:47,650 --> 00:20:48,610 take that one down. 624 00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:49,980 You know what? It's gone. 625 00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:51,480 (Whoops) No... 626 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,990 - Nick: Take that one down! - Oh, yeah. 627 00:20:53,010 --> 00:20:53,920 Jess: Wait a minute. 628 00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:54,920 Who are Gabe and Stephanie, 629 00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:56,490 with the profile, these things? 630 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,050 Oh, Gabe's the heavy guy with the perm and the wheelchaiair... 631 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,190 No, Gabe was the guy on the motorcycle... 632 00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:00,620 No, no, no, no. The guy with the perm. 633 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,690 The guy who kept showing his stomach the whole time. 634 00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:02,760 Oh. Schmidt: That's the woman who was 635 00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:03,860 eight and a half months pregnant. 636 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,600 The groom was dressed as the bride... 637 00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:06,660 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, uh... 638 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:07,660 This wedding's next week. 639 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,930 - What? - What? 640 00:21:08,970 --> 00:21:10,460 (All muttering) 641 00:21:10,940 --> 00:21:12,600 Not anymore. 642 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,440 (Whooping, cheering) 643 00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:15,710 Whoa! 644 00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:17,270 (All laughing) 645 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,740 That's right! Come on, now! 646 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:20,140 Ripping it up! 647 00:21:20,180 --> 00:21:21,950 (Everyone talking at once) 648 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,650 Oh! Oh! Look at that one. 649 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,120 Rippin' 'em up. 650 00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:26,780 (Whoops) 651 00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:28,350 Rip. Oh, right there. 652 00:21:28,390 --> 00:21:29,650 Yes. 653 00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:30,990 Mmm... 654 00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:33,080 (Laughing) More to rip.