1
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:05,621
Hi. Oh, welcome to the open house.
2
00:00:05,623 --> 00:00:09,101
Thank you. Okay, it's a two-bedroom,
one-story unit, perfect for a single
3
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:11,137
or a... couple?
4
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:15,097
(Laughs)
5
00:00:19,035 --> 00:00:21,403
No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
6
00:00:22,572 --> 00:00:24,173
The apartment would just be for me.
7
00:00:24,175 --> 00:00:25,774
Okay. I got divorced about a year ago,
8
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,809
and have been living
with my son ever since.
9
00:00:27,811 --> 00:00:29,111
She doesn't care, mom.
10
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:30,112
He's right.
11
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,747
Let me know if you have questions.
12
00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,982
Oh, my, Nate!
13
00:00:33,984 --> 00:00:36,284
And it comes fully furnished!
14
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,953
This looks perfect!
15
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,988
Really? Gosh, I don't know.
I'm not so sure...
16
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:41,723
Are you kidding?!
17
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:43,058
Look at these glass doors.
18
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,259
I can see the whole block.
19
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:47,796
Yeah, but they can also see you. Say
good-bye to watchingWheel of Fortune
20
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,492
with your pants unbuttoned.
21
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,435
And I can make the second
bedroom into a craft room.
22
00:00:53,437 --> 00:00:55,937
Well, obviously I'm all for that
so you could knit me
23
00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:59,741
more cell phone holders
that look like tiny overalls.
24
00:00:59,743 --> 00:01:01,743
I don't know, mom. This...
25
00:01:01,745 --> 00:01:04,012
This place is kind of pricey.
26
00:01:04,014 --> 00:01:06,114
I would be dipping into my savings.
27
00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:08,116
I'd just hate to think
that all that money you saved
28
00:01:08,118 --> 00:01:10,218
sneaking rotisserie chickens
into movie theaters
29
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,273
was for nothing.
30
00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:14,175
So, any questions?
31
00:01:14,177 --> 00:01:17,025
My heart loves it,
but my pocketbook doesn't.
32
00:01:17,027 --> 00:01:19,494
Sorry, it's not right for me.
33
00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:26,668
I'm so lucky to have a son who
looks out for me the way you do.
34
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,605
It just would've been
so fun to be neighbors.
35
00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,207
So fun.
36
00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:33,608
(Door closes)
37
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:34,576
So fun!
38
00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:37,412
So close! So close!
39
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,432
The Millers - 02x01
"Movin Out"
40
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:46,732
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:02:04,219 --> 00:02:06,154
How's the house hunt going, mom?
42
00:02:06,156 --> 00:02:08,489
The apartment across the hall
from Nathan's was great,
43
00:02:08,491 --> 00:02:10,024
but he convinced me it was too expensive.
44
00:02:10,026 --> 00:02:13,628
So, he printed me out a list
of places that I could afford.
45
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,296
“Across the hall”? Oh, my God.
46
00:02:15,298 --> 00:02:17,765
How close were you to burning
down the whole building?
47
00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:20,301
I had the matches in my pocket.
48
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:24,638
(Car horn honks outside)
49
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,541
Okay, I'm off to Lily's for the weekend.
50
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,877
I'll be back on Monday unless I can talk
51
00:02:29,879 --> 00:02:33,080
her rich parents into adopting me.
52
00:02:33,082 --> 00:02:34,782
It's probably for the best.
53
00:02:34,784 --> 00:02:38,452
We haven't even started
you a college fund.
54
00:02:38,454 --> 00:02:40,725
- Okay, I'll walk you out.
- No, I'll do it.
55
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:43,261
I want to find out why her father's mall
56
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,664
doesn't have a talbots.
57
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,732
All right, let's have a look
at this apartment list.
58
00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:51,223
Two places on Milton, one on Magnolia.
59
00:02:51,225 --> 00:02:52,933
Wait a minute.
60
00:02:52,935 --> 00:02:56,737
Every place on this list
is in our neighborhood.
61
00:02:58,009 --> 00:02:59,109
That's right.
62
00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:00,777
I did my time.
63
00:03:00,943 --> 00:03:04,678
I ain't going back to Shawshank.
64
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,241
You need to do your part anyway.
65
00:03:06,243 --> 00:03:08,710
Oh, I do my part. It's called dad.
66
00:03:09,151 --> 00:03:11,685
Are you kidding? Dad's easy.
67
00:03:11,687 --> 00:03:14,121
It's like taking care of an old plant.
68
00:03:14,123 --> 00:03:16,657
Yeah, well, that old plant
69
00:03:16,659 --> 00:03:19,159
has been bringing home
a different old female plant
70
00:03:19,161 --> 00:03:21,929
every night.
71
00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:24,031
Yeah. It is not easy sleeping through
72
00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:27,501
the sound of dry rustling
bushes in the room next door.
73
00:03:29,003 --> 00:03:31,004
I can't officially tell you
74
00:03:31,006 --> 00:03:32,584
we'll have a talbots by Christmas,
75
00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:35,509
but if you're looking to get me
a reasonably priced
76
00:03:35,511 --> 00:03:37,878
seasonal turtleneck,
you might want to hold off.
77
00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:41,248
I'll go see if there's
some more of those popsicles
78
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:43,683
in the freezer.
79
00:03:43,685 --> 00:03:45,886
Hey, y'all.
80
00:03:48,156 --> 00:03:50,357
All: Hey.
81
00:03:51,859 --> 00:03:53,159
Who was that?
82
00:03:53,161 --> 00:03:55,061
I think she said her name is Kathy.
83
00:03:55,063 --> 00:03:56,863
I'm not sure, but she's been here so long
84
00:03:56,865 --> 00:03:58,698
I don't think I can ask.
85
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:02,102
Met her over at Shrugging Pines.
86
00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:04,004
The old folks home over on ELM?!
87
00:04:04,006 --> 00:04:05,872
That's where you're picking up women?
88
00:04:05,874 --> 00:04:08,641
Boy, you're really going
for the low-hanging fruits.
89
00:04:10,244 --> 00:04:12,178
I'm surprised they go for yours.
90
00:04:14,682 --> 00:04:16,416
It is not an old folks home.
91
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:18,918
It's an active Senior Living Community.
92
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,119
You should stop by.
93
00:04:20,121 --> 00:04:22,922
Some of those women could
really use a mother figure.
94
00:04:24,857 --> 00:04:26,124
Nathan: So, um...
95
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:27,827
My dad here tells me
96
00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:29,729
that you live at Shrugging Pines.
97
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:31,397
How do you, uh, how do you like it?
98
00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:32,599
Oh, I love it!
99
00:04:32,601 --> 00:04:34,567
They have activities, private apartments
100
00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:36,235
and three different craft rooms.
101
00:04:36,237 --> 00:04:38,237
- Three craft rooms?
- Mm-hmm.
102
00:04:38,239 --> 00:04:40,606
Guess how many different colored
pipe cleaners they have.
103
00:04:40,608 --> 00:04:41,874
Eight?
104
00:04:41,876 --> 00:04:43,009
42.
105
00:04:43,011 --> 00:04:45,511
- Get out!
- Yeah!
106
00:04:45,513 --> 00:04:48,214
The only thing they don't have
107
00:04:48,216 --> 00:04:49,982
is this guy!
108
00:04:49,984 --> 00:04:51,717
(Laughs) Popcorn!
109
00:04:51,719 --> 00:04:53,452
Popcorn! Hey! I said popcorn!
110
00:04:53,454 --> 00:04:55,788
That's our safe word!
111
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:57,256
Well, mom, I don't know.
112
00:04:57,258 --> 00:04:59,091
I think, uh,
113
00:04:59,093 --> 00:05:00,927
I think maybe we ought to check it out.
114
00:05:00,929 --> 00:05:02,161
It does sound nice.
115
00:05:02,163 --> 00:05:04,196
And it's only four blocks
away from Debbie.
116
00:05:04,198 --> 00:05:06,699
- I know!
- Yeah.
117
00:05:09,269 --> 00:05:11,704
Man: We hope you've enjoyed the tour
118
00:05:11,706 --> 00:05:15,107
and look forward to seeing you
again here at Shrugging Pines,
119
00:05:15,109 --> 00:05:17,143
the best decision you can make
120
00:05:17,145 --> 00:05:20,713
for the rest of your life...
121
00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:23,449
Is what you would've heard
had the dang DVD player worked!
122
00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:24,750
Aah!
123
00:05:24,752 --> 00:05:26,318
This is wonderful, Kip!
124
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,486
As was the whole tour.
125
00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:29,355
I'm very impressed.
126
00:05:29,357 --> 00:05:30,823
Oh, thank you. That-that means a lot.
127
00:05:30,825 --> 00:05:32,691
Because not only am I
the admissions director,
128
00:05:32,693 --> 00:05:34,827
but I'm also the activities coordinator,
129
00:05:34,829 --> 00:05:37,997
the facilities manager
and the Marco Polo umpire.
130
00:05:40,676 --> 00:05:43,869
You're not a peeker, are you, Carol?
131
00:05:43,871 --> 00:05:45,418
Hmm? Me? No.
132
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,453
Carol?
133
00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:49,155
Maybe a little peek?
134
00:05:49,157 --> 00:05:51,891
Huh? A little peeky-poo? (Laughs)
135
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,593
A little, a little pookity-peekity?
136
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:55,461
Maybe I peek a little.
137
00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:56,796
(Both laughing)
138
00:05:56,798 --> 00:05:58,531
I'm gonna blow my whistle on you, Carol!
139
00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:01,500
(Squeals) Come here, you!
140
00:06:01,502 --> 00:06:04,103
What I'm saying is...
141
00:06:04,105 --> 00:06:05,805
I live this job
142
00:06:05,807 --> 00:06:08,741
24 h's a D.
143
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:12,778
I actually live in a room out back.
144
00:06:12,962 --> 00:06:15,329
Except for one weekend a month.
145
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:18,035
Those two days belong
to the National Guard.
146
00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:19,370
I...
147
00:06:19,372 --> 00:06:21,338
Know what you're thinking and... (Laughs)
148
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,940
You're both welcome.
149
00:06:25,378 --> 00:06:26,711
(Clears throat) Well...
150
00:06:26,713 --> 00:06:29,080
- I just, I-I love the place.
- Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:31,416
- I...
- Aw, thank you, sir.
152
00:06:31,418 --> 00:06:33,251
Yeah. And, of course, when you visit,
153
00:06:33,253 --> 00:06:35,554
there will be full discretion at all times
154
00:06:35,556 --> 00:06:39,524
to protect your privacy, Mr. Miller.
155
00:06:41,047 --> 00:06:43,282
I know who you are.
156
00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:45,733
My ex-husband Leon is quite the fan.
157
00:06:45,735 --> 00:06:48,102
Spent many a night between the sheets
158
00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:50,804
watching you walk our streets.
159
00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:53,838
So glad to be part of that.
160
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,775
Um, now if my mom is interested,
161
00:06:56,777 --> 00:06:58,309
how quickly can this happen?
162
00:06:58,311 --> 00:07:00,278
'Cause I mean, I-I can just leave here.
163
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,514
And if you've got a gift shop,
I'll just buy her a tooth brush
164
00:07:02,516 --> 00:07:03,882
and she's good to go!
165
00:07:03,884 --> 00:07:07,218
Unfortunately there are
nine people in front of you.
166
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:10,221
With modern medicine,
the wait could be pretty long.
167
00:07:10,223 --> 00:07:11,389
(Bell rings)
168
00:07:11,391 --> 00:07:13,091
Oop! Make that eight people.
169
00:07:14,069 --> 00:07:16,370
I'm kidding! That's the lunch bell!
170
00:07:16,372 --> 00:07:18,205
(Whistle blowing)
171
00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:19,430
Who's hungry, huh?
172
00:07:19,432 --> 00:07:22,867
Who wants to see the second longest
jell-o bar in Virginia?
173
00:07:28,043 --> 00:07:30,408
I bet the head of admissions
would've bumped me up
174
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:33,444
on the list if you'd
just flirted a little.
175
00:07:33,446 --> 00:07:34,636
Ooh! Was she cute?
176
00:07:34,638 --> 00:07:37,739
He was cute and he winked at Nathan.
177
00:07:37,741 --> 00:07:40,208
He was just impressed
that I'm a local celebrity.
178
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,143
And if Nathan had just winked back,
179
00:07:42,145 --> 00:07:44,779
I bet I'd be in.
180
00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:49,393
I helped you out plenty of times,
flirting with people I wasn't into.
181
00:07:49,395 --> 00:07:51,262
What? When?
182
00:07:51,264 --> 00:07:54,465
Not everyone who applies
to space camp gets in.
183
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,562
I think I know why you didn't
flirt with this guy.
184
00:07:58,564 --> 00:08:00,033
Are you gonna say it's
because of that dream I had
185
00:08:00,035 --> 00:08:01,788
about me and the Dukes of Hazzard boys?
186
00:08:01,808 --> 00:08:05,076
I told you it's mo...
mostly about the car.
187
00:08:06,512 --> 00:08:07,745
I think deep, deep down
188
00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:09,080
you don't want your mother to move out.
189
00:08:09,082 --> 00:08:10,281
Look what she made.
190
00:08:10,283 --> 00:08:11,616
Look at this.
191
00:08:11,618 --> 00:08:13,584
Fancy cheeses, crackers,
192
00:08:13,586 --> 00:08:15,553
evenly sliced salami.
193
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:17,855
Brother, you are hooked on snacks.
194
00:08:17,857 --> 00:08:19,824
Yes, I-I do enjoy
195
00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:22,326
a well-orchestrated cheese plate
after a hard day's work.
196
00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:23,861
But I don't need it.
197
00:08:23,863 --> 00:08:25,196
Trust me, I want her out.
198
00:08:25,198 --> 00:08:26,197
Well, prove it.
199
00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:28,132
Go shake what your mother gave you
200
00:08:28,134 --> 00:08:29,500
so you can shake your mother.
201
00:08:29,502 --> 00:08:31,602
Flirt with a guy?
202
00:08:31,604 --> 00:08:34,038
Yeah, it's 2014! There's no shame in it.
203
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,040
I flirt with guys all the time.
204
00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:38,776
I haven't paid for a ginger
ale on a flight in years!
205
00:08:38,778 --> 00:08:40,344
(Laughs)
206
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:44,014
Yeah, those are free.
207
00:08:45,884 --> 00:08:48,152
Then I've been tickling
kneecaps for nothing?
208
00:08:53,191 --> 00:08:56,293
(Knocking)
209
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,036
Hey, Kip.
210
00:09:06,038 --> 00:09:09,840
I just came by to drop off
my mom's applicash.
211
00:09:11,442 --> 00:09:13,177
Sorry if it's a little sweaty.
212
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:16,446
I filled it out between reps at the gym.
213
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:19,316
(Sighs)
214
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,685
(Exhales)
215
00:09:23,054 --> 00:09:24,755
Wow. (Laughs)
216
00:09:24,757 --> 00:09:28,191
I never noticed how long
your eyelashes are.
217
00:09:29,794 --> 00:09:31,428
Was your mom Betty Boop
218
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:33,964
and your dad...
219
00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:37,033
Also Betty Boop?
220
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:40,370
First of all, you're as
straight as an arrow
221
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,672
dipped in fantasy football.
222
00:09:42,674 --> 00:09:44,541
I mean, you're pathetic.
223
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:46,443
You remind me of my flight attendant days
224
00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:49,346
when some guy tickled my
kneecaps for a free ginger ale.
225
00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:53,183
Look, I'm-I'm...
226
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:54,451
I'm sorry. I just...
227
00:09:54,453 --> 00:09:55,619
I was just trying to help out my mom.
228
00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:56,953
No, I-I-I understand.
229
00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:58,321
That's very nice, but...
230
00:09:58,323 --> 00:10:01,358
You're barking up the wrong gay
with this guy.
231
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,059
My ex-husband Leon
232
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,829
is the one who had
the crush on you, not me.
233
00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:07,664
(Laughs)
234
00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:11,468
I'm a, I'm an Anderson Cooper man myself.
235
00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:15,025
You're a little dumb for me.
236
00:10:15,027 --> 00:10:16,893
What?
237
00:10:16,895 --> 00:10:18,895
Uh, I'm not dumb.
238
00:10:18,897 --> 00:10:21,097
Mm...
239
00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:23,425
I'm not! Aw.
240
00:10:23,615 --> 00:10:25,114
That's the spirit.
241
00:10:25,116 --> 00:10:27,383
God.
242
00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:29,052
If Leon could see me talking to you.
243
00:10:29,054 --> 00:10:31,421
It would really get his goat.
244
00:10:32,823 --> 00:10:34,223
He doesn't actually have a goat.
245
00:10:34,225 --> 00:10:35,491
Yeah, I know that.
246
00:10:35,493 --> 00:10:36,659
Okay.
247
00:10:36,661 --> 00:10:37,760
It's an idiom.
248
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,895
Yeah, I'm not stupid.
249
00:10:38,897 --> 00:10:40,096
Yeah.
250
00:10:40,982 --> 00:10:43,350
I'd do anything to see
the look on Leon's face
251
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,486
if he saw you flirting with me.
252
00:10:45,637 --> 00:10:48,070
And I'd give anything to get
my mom into this place.
253
00:10:55,098 --> 00:10:56,598
How'd it go?
254
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,800
Great, we're dating.
255
00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:00,883
Are you being facetious?
256
00:11:00,885 --> 00:11:04,186
'Cause if you're serious,
I owe your father 20 bucks.
257
00:11:10,074 --> 00:11:12,609
Cute place, Nathan.
258
00:11:13,511 --> 00:11:15,410
Love the treadmill in the living room.
259
00:11:15,412 --> 00:11:17,112
(Mouthing)
260
00:11:18,314 --> 00:11:21,316
Okay, so just to be clear, uh,
this is a one-time thing.
261
00:11:21,318 --> 00:11:22,718
I-I'm not ready to commit
262
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,754
to a long-term imaginary relationship.
263
00:11:25,756 --> 00:11:27,241
Once is all I need.
264
00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:29,658
Leon will come here in a few
hours and drop off Pugsley,
265
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,727
the pug we share custody of.
266
00:11:31,729 --> 00:11:33,962
He will see that
not only have I rebounded,
267
00:11:33,964 --> 00:11:35,731
but I've done so with his newsboy crush.
268
00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:37,566
He'll beg me to come back,
269
00:11:37,568 --> 00:11:38,967
I'll say “hell no,”
270
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:41,403
and then Carol and I skip all
the way to the Marco Polo pool.
271
00:11:42,505 --> 00:11:44,273
- Marco! Gotcha!
- Polo!
272
00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:49,912
But first, let's focus on making
you believable as my boyfriend.
273
00:11:49,914 --> 00:11:52,881
Carol: Oh, don't worry... my Nathan
is excellent at pretending.
274
00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:55,617
And if you actually feel
something real, just go with it.
275
00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:58,153
He'd make a nice son-in-law,
276
00:11:58,155 --> 00:12:00,355
and you know I love a parade.
277
00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:03,925
Okay, you need to know
everything about me.
278
00:12:03,927 --> 00:12:06,128
Here's the first 40 pages
of my autobiography,
279
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:10,265
and here are all my applications
to the Real World since '91.
280
00:12:11,968 --> 00:12:13,135
We're gonna to have to cram,
281
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:14,936
so I suggest you put on some coffee.
282
00:12:15,905 --> 00:12:16,972
Uh. Well, yeah.
283
00:12:16,974 --> 00:12:18,540
Actually, you know what? I'm
out of coffee.
284
00:12:18,542 --> 00:12:20,008
But, that's okay...
I'll run out and grab some.
285
00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:23,111
Oh, then grab a pen because
my order is very complicated,
286
00:12:23,113 --> 00:12:24,512
and I don't want to overwhelm
287
00:12:24,514 --> 00:12:25,981
that pretty little head of yours.
288
00:12:25,983 --> 00:12:27,382
Ready?
289
00:12:27,384 --> 00:12:29,084
Ready.
290
00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:31,786
Small.
291
00:12:31,788 --> 00:12:34,589
Black.
292
00:12:34,591 --> 00:12:37,225
Coffee.
293
00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:38,660
Read it back.
294
00:12:43,599 --> 00:12:46,234
Kip is a Virgo trapped in a Gemini's body.
295
00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:48,636
He likes luge, but not bobsled.
296
00:12:48,638 --> 00:12:50,538
And he has four scars on his left thigh
297
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,256
from being stabbed with a salad fork.
298
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:53,775
Right thigh, chopsticks.
299
00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:58,079
Damn it, Miller,
get your head in the game!
300
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:01,582
I'm gonna have you teach
a craft class, Carol.
301
00:13:01,584 --> 00:13:04,285
What are these, overalls for your phone?
302
00:13:05,187 --> 00:13:07,388
They're osh kosh b'dorable.
303
00:13:08,691 --> 00:13:10,291
Thank you.
304
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:12,026
Tom never appreciated my crafts.
305
00:13:12,028 --> 00:13:13,394
He said why do things by hand,
306
00:13:13,396 --> 00:13:15,063
when you can just go to the store.
307
00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:17,231
- Ugh.
- Made me so angry.
308
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:20,334
I made him do things by hand
for the next ten years.
309
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:28,643
Husbands are the worst.
310
00:13:28,645 --> 00:13:31,846
Leon never supported any of my passions.
311
00:13:31,848 --> 00:13:34,448
He hated the fact
that I spoke two languages.
312
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:35,916
Really? What do you speak?
313
00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:38,052
English and Latin.
314
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:40,988
Comma, pig.
315
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,923
Pig Latin. I know it's stupid.
316
00:13:42,925 --> 00:13:44,692
On't-day e-bay illy-say.
317
00:13:44,694 --> 00:13:47,862
Oh, anks-thay arol-cay.
318
00:13:47,864 --> 00:13:50,831
Leon would yell when I tried
to speak it around the house.
319
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:52,433
But what should I have expected
320
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:54,401
from a man who divorced me through a text?
321
00:13:54,403 --> 00:13:58,072
I've said it for years...
Cell phones are evil.
322
00:13:58,074 --> 00:13:59,573
That's why I put 'em in overalls
323
00:13:59,575 --> 00:14:01,041
to make them seem more approachable.
324
00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:05,846
Hey, Kip. Uh, it says here
that you were the captain
325
00:14:05,848 --> 00:14:07,114
of your high school football team?
326
00:14:07,116 --> 00:14:08,248
Mm-hmm.
327
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,184
And that you were also
the head cheerleader.
328
00:14:10,186 --> 00:14:13,020
Yeah, I was pretty tired
by the end of the game.
329
00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:15,255
(Knocking on door)
330
00:14:15,257 --> 00:14:16,423
- Oh, God... He's here.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
331
00:14:16,425 --> 00:14:17,658
- Um, Carol, in the kitchen!
- Yeah. Yeah.
332
00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,692
How do I look?
333
00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:19,693
Rhetorical question.
334
00:14:19,695 --> 00:14:20,861
I kind of know I look great.
335
00:14:20,863 --> 00:14:22,262
Let's do this.
336
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:23,997
Oh.
337
00:14:23,999 --> 00:14:25,065
Nathan: Ray?
338
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:26,099
Oh, man, I forgot to call.
339
00:14:26,101 --> 00:14:27,067
Sorry, I-I can't make the game.
340
00:14:27,069 --> 00:14:28,101
I'm kind of busy right now.
341
00:14:28,103 --> 00:14:29,469
Oh, that's today?
342
00:14:29,471 --> 00:14:31,138
This the dude?
343
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:33,774
You guys make a cute couple.
344
00:14:33,776 --> 00:14:36,043
I'd give you two my unwanted baby.
345
00:14:37,979 --> 00:14:39,279
Man, we'll talk later, okay?
346
00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:40,280
You got to go.
347
00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:41,782
(Knocking on door)
348
00:14:41,784 --> 00:14:42,949
Uh, too late.
349
00:14:42,951 --> 00:14:44,351
Uh, you're part of this now.
350
00:14:44,353 --> 00:14:45,419
You're our friend,
351
00:14:45,421 --> 00:14:46,887
a three-star Michelin chef from New York
352
00:14:46,889 --> 00:14:48,555
who took the train down
to cook us a dinner
353
00:14:48,557 --> 00:14:50,190
to celebrate our three-month anniversary.
354
00:14:50,192 --> 00:14:53,126
You were raised in an orphanage,
and you have low self-esteem.
355
00:14:53,128 --> 00:14:55,695
- Can my restaurant be in little Italy?
- Why not?
356
00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:57,664
Badda-bing, badda-boom! Boom!
357
00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,732
(Knocking) Nate, Nate, Nate.
358
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:00,333
Go upstairs so you can make an entrance.
359
00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:02,335
Go, go, go.
360
00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:04,371
Here's Pugsley.
361
00:15:04,373 --> 00:15:07,107
He's in a timeout for
talking back to me in the car.
362
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:10,911
Whose place is this?
363
00:15:10,913 --> 00:15:14,881
And, Barf, why is there a
treadmill in the living room?
364
00:15:14,883 --> 00:15:17,450
This is my boyfriend's place, Leon.
365
00:15:17,452 --> 00:15:18,718
Boyfriend?
366
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,620
Odd. All the times
I've dropped off Pugsley
367
00:15:20,622 --> 00:15:22,422
you never mentioned a boyfriend once.
368
00:15:22,424 --> 00:15:25,825
We had to keep it under wraps
as a matter of discretion.
369
00:15:25,827 --> 00:15:28,061
He's a public figure.
370
00:15:28,063 --> 00:15:30,597
In fact, you may know him.
371
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:32,599
You must be Leon.
372
00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:35,301
(High-pitched gasp)
373
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,704
Chowder's almost ready.
374
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:40,673
I bet my mama liked chowder.
375
00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:44,143
I'll never know.
376
00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:47,680
I just love everything about him.
377
00:15:47,682 --> 00:15:49,315
From his size 10.5 tennis shoes
378
00:15:49,317 --> 00:15:52,285
to the fact that he graduated
from Colgate with a 3.9.
379
00:15:52,287 --> 00:15:55,254
Both: Blood-alcohol content.
380
00:15:58,459 --> 00:16:00,993
Chowder's peaking to perfection.
381
00:16:00,995 --> 00:16:02,995
I made enough for 45.
382
00:16:02,997 --> 00:16:06,966
That's the only way I learned
at the orphanage.
383
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,371
I cannot believe that
it's been three months.
384
00:16:12,373 --> 00:16:14,882
And we spent every single day together.
385
00:16:14,884 --> 00:16:16,776
You spent every day together?
386
00:16:16,778 --> 00:16:19,412
Oh, yeah. Our relationship has
perfect attendance.
387
00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:20,479
Really?
388
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:21,881
Because if I recall,
389
00:16:21,883 --> 00:16:24,617
the National Guard doesn't allow
guests those two days a month.
390
00:16:24,619 --> 00:16:27,460
So, how have you been together every day?
391
00:16:28,282 --> 00:16:32,051
Well, I stayed in Kip's car at the base.
392
00:16:32,093 --> 00:16:33,759
You stayed in Kip's car?
393
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:35,761
He means scooter.
394
00:16:35,763 --> 00:16:36,862
Right, scooter's car.
395
00:16:36,864 --> 00:16:38,297
No, I have a scooter.
396
00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:40,966
He means scooter. He knows I don't drive.
397
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:45,070
As does anybody who's read my
autobiography, Kip on a scooter.
398
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,807
Things are not going great out there.
399
00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:49,942
I don't think it's gonna work.
400
00:16:49,944 --> 00:16:50,876
I'm not an actor!
401
00:16:50,878 --> 00:16:52,311
I'm not an actor, either.
402
00:16:52,313 --> 00:16:54,813
But all acting is is
committing to the role.
403
00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:56,582
Now if you want your
mother out of your house,
404
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:57,583
you have to commit.
405
00:16:57,585 --> 00:16:58,650
Now, I don't have a mama.
406
00:16:58,652 --> 00:16:59,918
But if I did have a mama...
407
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:00,953
Wait, y-you do have a mother.
408
00:17:00,955 --> 00:17:01,920
She lives in Phoenix.
409
00:17:01,922 --> 00:17:03,255
She sends you a cheesecake once a month.
410
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,191
I'm committing to a role right now.
411
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,460
You can get your mother out the house.
412
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,195
But you have to commit to the role.
413
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,464
You're right, I got to... I got to commit.
414
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,699
Commit!
415
00:17:13,701 --> 00:17:16,401
And that's why he could visit me
during my training.
416
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,569
Am I right, hon?
417
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:20,205
No, you are not right.
418
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,273
You're perfect.
419
00:17:21,275 --> 00:17:22,541
Aw...
420
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:31,161
Straight lips! Straight lips!
421
00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:34,761
I knew it!
422
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,055
This is just another one
of your stupid stunts, Kip.
423
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,257
God, why can't you just
accept that it's over.
424
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,693
This is more pathetic than when
you secretly put my mail on hold
425
00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:43,361
during my birthday week.
426
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,597
I called my grandma a bitch for nothing.
427
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,768
Y-you're right. I'm sorry.
428
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:54,506
You're an immature, psychotic,
borderline sociopath.
429
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,141
I am.
430
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,043
I-I am all of those things.
431
00:17:58,045 --> 00:18:00,445
Nathan, he's basically saying
I'm a monster,
432
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,314
if you're having trouble following along.
433
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,084
I don't even think I want
Pugsley around you.
434
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,619
Where'd he go?
435
00:18:07,621 --> 00:18:09,154
Pugsley?
436
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,588
Pugsley!
437
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,689
Time-out is over!
438
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,659
Pugsley!
439
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,595
Are you just going to
stand there and take that?
440
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,165
This isn't the Kip Finkle I've
known since yesterday at 11:30.
441
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,469
But he's right, this was a crazy idea.
442
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,004
I don't know why I feel the need
443
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:27,839
to keep trying to get back at him.
444
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:28,940
I'll tell you why.
445
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,942
Because he's a jerk who broke up with you
446
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,544
over a cellular phone texting.
447
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,814
You just say, “a text.”
448
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,117
He never let you have closure.
449
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,186
What kind of man breaks up
a marriage over a textagram?
450
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,156
Again, it's just “text”
451
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,557
Maybe this was a crazy idea,
452
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,826
but it's not your fault
that you did it... it was his.
453
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,828
When your marriage ended,
454
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,397
he didn't give you a chance
to tell him how you felt.
455
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,799
Well, this is your chance, Kip.
456
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,167
Lay it on him.
457
00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,903
I've got your ack-bay.
458
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,972
Leon: We're leaving.
459
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,873
I wouldn't eat the chowder if I were you.
460
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,508
I think it has ginger ale in it.
461
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:07,161
Say good-bye to Pugsley forever.
462
00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:08,830
(Falsetto): “Bye, psycho!”
463
00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:11,790
op-stay!
464
00:19:11,792 --> 00:19:14,885
If you utter one more word
in pig Latin to me, I swear...
465
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,587
Ut-shay up-way.
466
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,122
I-way as-way ared-scay
467
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,424
o-tay ick-stay upway or-fay eyself-may,
468
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:21,959
ut-bay ot-nay anymore-way!
469
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,527
O-nay, o-nay, o-nay.
470
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,132
I am not following any of this.
471
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,167
Maybe I am dumb.
472
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,836
If-way ou-yay ink-thay
ou're-yay aking-tay ugsley-pay,
473
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,071
ou're-yay azy-cray.
474
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,006
Et-gay out-way!
475
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:45,849
I wish my pig Latin teacher
could have seen that.
476
00:19:46,468 --> 00:19:50,737
I love you, ister-may enkins-Jay.
477
00:19:57,618 --> 00:20:01,021
I can't believe after all this,
I'm still moving out.
478
00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:03,994
I want you to know how much I
appreciate all you went through
479
00:20:03,996 --> 00:20:05,729
to get me into Shrugging Pines...
480
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,901
And how frustrated you must be
that I chose not to live there.
481
00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:13,139
I'm just so lucky to have found a roommate
482
00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:14,707
I'm so compatible with.
483
00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:18,744
Because my handsome son is
a darn tough act to follow.
484
00:20:18,746 --> 00:20:20,680
You have a handsome son?
485
00:20:20,682 --> 00:20:22,915
I can't wait to meet him.
486
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,617
Kidding. You're very attractive.
487
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:25,818
On the outside.
488
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:27,653
Look at him... he's so confused
489
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:29,722
Nathan, isn't this going to be a hoot?
490
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:33,626
You didn't lose a mother,
you gained a fun, new neighbor.
491
00:20:33,628 --> 00:20:35,094
Ah, it's so great.
492
00:20:35,096 --> 00:20:36,762
Well, I'll just give you guys
a couple months to settle in,
493
00:20:36,764 --> 00:20:38,430
and I'll check back in after the holidays.
494
00:20:52,012 --> 00:20:54,012
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com