You guys see the new planet of the apes movie?
- Yeah. - It's got to make you
wonder though, right? Human beings are ripe
to be taken over by any animal that garners
its super-intelligence and speech.
- Right? - No.
[Laughter] Are you telling me that like
any number of rodents that if they told me
what to do, I'm going to listen to them?
[Laughter] I think I would just squash 'em.
I think he's got you there.
They'd have to be of somewhat equal size, I think.
I guarantee you even a titmouse is on your shoulder...
suddenly I'm like, "you're my boss.
- What do you want me to do?" - [Laughing]
- I'm telling you man. - I disagree
because they need the opposable thumb.
The only reason is they can't open doors.
That's the only reason we're not being taken over right now.
Probably. Well, no.
Come on, man. I tape a speak & spell
on the back of a turtle's shell,
that turtle rules over him. [All laughing]
I bow down to you master, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com
Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men,
the only show the lives at the corner
of sesame street and fury road.
- I'm your host, Kevin Smith. - Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan. - Mike Zapcic.
Ming Chen.
Fe-fi-fo-fum, tell me tales of comic-Dom.
We had a guy come in who was probably
the biggest Indiana Jones fan ever.
Oh.
- Whoa. - Gentlemen.
Dr. Jones, no time for love.
- [Laughter] - Let me see what you got here.
What's up, indy?
Oh, nothing. I was just in the neighborhood
passing by and thought I'd drop in
and see how y'all doing. How are you?
Just in the neighborhood.
Just happened to be in your Indiana Jones costume.
- [Laughter] - Costume.
I happen to be a huge Indiana Jones fan.
Do the website, do a podcast,
all about the man with the whip and the hat.
But I have some rare antiquities,
just like Indiana Jones.
I was hoping that you would maybe parlay and help me out
'cause I'm trying to score some money.
All right, what you got? You got "shankara" stones?
You got the holy grail?
Like, what are we talking about here?
- You guys like eating lunch? - I mean, clearly.
[All laughing]
Well, I just happen to have a rare lunch box
given to the crew that worked on
Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull.
Was that a consolation prize?
"I'm sorry you worked on such a crappy movie."
Whoa.
"Crappy"?
Oh, come on, you liked that movie?
I mean, come on, clearly the man liked that movie.
Right, I mean, the first three were great.
I would trust him for the first three.
That fourth one come out,
like, I'm putting the hat in storage.
Not only that, I was almost an extra in that movie.
They filmed it in my hometown in new haven, Connecticut,
and I tried out to be an extra.
- Did you show up like this? - Yeah.
Let's get the stalker off the set.
[All laughing]
You know, is this straddling a line
between healthy and unhealthy
when you walk around dressed like Indiana Jones?
Indiana Jones is easier to pull off
than being dressed like if Batman is your favorite hero,
and you're walking around with a mask on.
And then it's a little tougher to negotiate the real world
without people being like, "did you see that?"
But Indiana Jones, you could always just be like,
"oh, maybe he's from Panama. He just dresses like that."
[All laughing]
So what do you think?
Is that worth anything to you?
I mean, I imagine this has got to be pretty coveted
on indy... Indiana Jones Fandom.
But, unless you're an Indiana Jones buff,
there's nothing to indicate
that this was from Indiana Jones.
All right, perhaps I can interest you in this...
Prop from raiders of the lost ark.
The Chachapoyan fertility idol.
All right, it's something a little more recognizable.
Wow, this is pretty cool though, huh?
It's got some heft to it.
But underneath, there's something even special.
Oh, is this Harrison Ford?
Yes, I've compared it to the ones I own
and that looks like the man's signature.
Did you get that in person?
Not that particular one.
- Okay, so... - Not authenticated.
Just seeing that idol, that's iconic in movies, man.
Like, you don't necessarily even have to know those movies
to be like, oh, that's from raiders of the lost ark.
'Cause, you know, before he faces the big Boulder,
he's got the fertility God in his hand.
It opens the entire franchise.
- Instead of a lunch box. - [All laughing]
- Is it screen used? - Yes, sir, it is.
This was actually on camera?
That's what I was told by the person who sold it to me.
I love it though. I mean, it looks cool.
But what are you looking to get for it?
What do you say... a grand?
- $1,000? - For something that might
be signed and might be from the movie.
And might be something he didn't make in pottery class.
[All laughing]
I'm just worried that, you know, that it's...
- That it's fake. - [All laughing]
Would you do 900?
Come on, how many times is somebody going to walk
through this door with a fertility idol
signed by Harrison Ford?
I just don't think I can go that high.
I mean, although it pains me to see it walk out of here
'cause I would love to put it on a shelf here.
It does belong in a museum, but I guess not yours, huh?
No, not mine.
- All right. - Go ahead.
- Easy. - All right,
it was a pleasure meeting you, sir.
All right. Don't forget your lunchbox.
- Good-bye, guys. - All right.
You know what, I think it'd be
a nice change of pace if we came dressed
as our favorite character,
like, and personified it constantly...
- He does... short round, every day.
[All laughing]
Would you guys be interested in the battle of the century?
Oh, yeah. Every comic book fan
should have this book in their library.
- Hi, guys. - You remember Cari?
- Hey, how are you doing? - She's heading out
for a job interview. She asked if we could watch
- the kid for like an hour. - If you don't mind.
- Thank you very much. - Thank you.
- All right, have a great day. - Thank you.
- How's it going? - How you doing?
Would you guys be interested in the battle of the century?
Oh, yeah. Mike, take a look.
Oh, my God.
This is the book that did it, man.
This is the very first superhero crossover
between Marvel and DC comics.
Fans have always wanted to see
their favorite heroes go toe-to-toe,
and this was the one that fans only dreamed of.
They never would have thought it would ever come true.
I mean, you just look at the layout of this cover alone.
I mean, it's one of the most iconic covers
in comic book history.
You know, you got the backdrop of New York.
You got Spider-Man ready to throw a Haymaker.
Superman ready to just obliterate him.
Every comic book fan should have this book in their library.
If you don't, you're missing out.
I put it as the most anticipated comic book
- in comic book history. - Really?
So this is historic, this book.
I mean, it's more historic than the bicentennial
the year it came out. [All laughing]
Bigger than the anniversary of our nation's birth.
[All laughing]
I mean, it's the age old question
if you're a comic book fan.
Like, I wonder who's stronger?
So the two, you know, iconic characters
have this massive Throwdown.
This is like a nerd's wet dream right there.
They went fist-to-fist.
Easy when you talk about "wet dream" and "fist-to-fist."
You might want to separate those.
Where'd you get this?
My mom gave it to me when I was a kid.
I didn't want to read anything else at the time,
and this is what got me reading.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- I was spoiled actually. - Yeah.
- You started at the top... - Yep.
And everything else was kind of like.
And you're looking to sell it today because?
I want to start a grant to get kids into comics.
- Okay. - So kids that might not be
into sports or don't want to read or anything,
hopefully comics can reach them.
That's a great cause. I mean, I'm behind it.
Like grooming future customers for the store.
I mean, I get behind that.
Nothing wrong with that, right?
All right, so what are you looking to get for it?
I was looking to get 50 bucks.
- 50 bucks, huh? - Yeah.
Your cause alone is worth 50 bucks,
so I'm not going to go into the distasteful negotiation.
- Appreciate that. - 50 bucks.
Tell the kids I'm willing to do it today.
Thank you.
$50. All right, man, thank you.
Thank you.
- All right, fellas. - Good luck.
- Take it easy. - Take care.
- Hey, Ming. - Hey, how are you?
- Good, how are you? - How are you doing?
- Hey. - Thank you so much
- for helping me out today. - No problem.
- I really appreciate it. - Absolutely, come on over.
- Hi, guys. - You remember Cari?
- Hey, how are you doing? - Good, how are you?
- This is Quinn. - Hello, Quinn.
- This is Quinn. - She's heading out
for a job interview. She asked if we could watch
- the kid for like an hour. - If you don't mind.
- She's really good. - For an hour?
Yeah. I can handle an hour.
Yeah, she's really good. I promise.
All right, okay.
Every so often, the stash will go above
and beyond for a long-time customer.
So our friend Cari was in town for a job interview.
She was in a little bit of a pickle,
and asked if we could watch her kid for an hour.
You won't handle a comic book
without white gloves, man.
Here you are handling a human baby.
People don't grade babies like the C.G.C. does, you know.
If you drop one here or there, it's is no big deal.
No.
Very fine, good condition. [All laughing]
She's been fed, she's got a clean diaper.
- She'll be a piece of cake. - Okay.
Everything you need is there.
If she's anything like her mom, she'll be easy.
Whoa, what's that supposed to mean?
- Whoa, hey. - [All laughing]
- I'm just saying mild-mannered. - Sheesh.
All right, you go, you land this job.
- Knock 'em dead. - You be good, okay.
Thank you so much, guys.
I will be back as soon as possible.
- I promise. - We got this under control.
- Don't worry about it. - Bye, my love.
- Bye. - We got you.
They have the same size head those two.
[All laughing]
[Baby gurgling] I think she likes you, Mike.
Come here, girl. How are you?
Oh, look at you. Yeah, that's right.
- What's the baby's name again? - Quinn.
Oh, I don't like that.
We're going to change it? Let's change it up.
Give her a more superhero name in a comic book store.
How about Moltar?
Like a combination of Mike and Walter.
- I like it. - [All talking]
- Yeah. - What do you think, Moltar?
I like just the on.
No last name, it's unnecessary.
- Moltar. - Right.
You know, what if something happened to Cari
going to that job interview,
and then the baby was left in our care,
you know, we became the baby's guardians.
Then probably the dad would be like,
"wait, where did she drop off?" [All laughing]
"Oh well, I guess it was nice having a daughter."
[All laughing]
But just imagine a baby raised at the stash.
Dude, I swear to God I thought that's how
you got ming. [All laughing]
Bulletman.
That could go for a good 250.
- I don't know, man. - [Baby crying]
I think Moltar probably would stop crying
at about 50 bucks.
Harrison Ford, man, iconic titan of our youth
in the biggest movies of our childhood.
What was your favorite Harrison Ford character?
Presumably we're going to lean towards han solo.
Yeah, helped blow up the death star in the first one,
the ultimate character.
What about you, man?
Favorite Harrison Ford character?
Ooh, probably Deckard from blade runner.
Wow, that wasn't even in my top five.
But yet that's massive and iconic.
Yeah, I actually like it better than han solo.
- What? - Yeah.
Han solo's the kind of guy that'll just blow somebody away.
He's like, "sorry about the mess."
You did watch empire all the way
through to return of the jedi, right?
- Yeah, why? - That ain't the same han solo
that he was in the first one.
[All laughing]
Like who, when they're going down
in that carbonite thing, isn't like,
"eff you," instead of like, "I love you"?
- [Laughs] - Excuse me.
He did not say, "I love you."
She said, "I love you," and he goes, "I know."
Well, he did get caught by Ewoks, though.
Got a serious subject that every father
will have to face sooner or later.
When their daughter brings home their dates
to meet with the approval or the disapproval
of their parents.
I'm familiar with the latter.
[All laughing]
We all got to think about it as fathers, you know.
Eventually it's going to happen.
You're not fathers to this kid, man.
It's a kid that somebody dropped off at the store.
You don't have to answer these big questions.
The only question you have to answer is,
"can I get the kid back now?" "Yes, please,
- take the kid back." - But, you know, we...
- "not the mama!" - [All laughing]
I imagine Moltar will only date superheroes though.
I mean, she's too good to just date somebody
- without super powers. - Sure.
That's true.
Nothing less than a justice league member.
Or superman.
I think that... I think yes.
Lois Lane just better watch out.
Well, I don't want to be prejudiced or anything,
but superman isn't a human.
- Ooh. - What are you saying?
- Nothing. - I won't have you spreading
that small-minded nonsense around Moltar.
Yeah, you're not allowed to be around Moltar anymore.
The reason Moltar will be a xenophobe.
[Laughs]
Look at that little chalupa dance, huh.
Look at that, funny little legs.
- Hey, man, what's up? - How are we doing, guys?
- Good. - Cute kid.
How can we help you?
Well, I've got Bullethead.
Bulletman.
Bulletman, Bullethead, same thing.
I was originally going to call him Missilehead.
Oh, whatever.
You remember this, Mike?
This is one of my most favorite toys growing up.
I mean, it's got to be one of
the greatest designed toys of all time.
Well, when I originally saw it,
the onesie was a little, like, questionable,
but from what I understand, he's pretty cool, you know.
- I mean, he's very cool. - Onesies aside.
[All laughing]
♪ Bullet Man, the human bullet ♪
- [All laughing] - Oh,
one of the most amazing toys of all time,
I believe from the G.I. Joe adventure team,
but the best part of all, he had a cowl.
The only other superhero that I ever saw,
like Batman, that had a cowl, man.
But it was shaped like a bullet,
with two slits in the eyes.
Shaped like a bullet's one way to put it.
[All laughing]
That's true. And through the adult prism,
when you look at him now, you're like,
does it vibrate? [All laughing]
I always was upset though because he was
- so much bigger than my Megos. - Yeah.
You know, you had to, like, suspend belief a little bit
when you played with your mego Spider-Man or something.
Here, hold him, Moltar. It's okay.
- [Crying] - Where'd you get it?
I got it at my grandmother's house,
and evidently it belonged to my older brother.
As I was cleaning out, he didn't want it,
I don't know much about it,
except for what the Internet told me,
so I figured I'd see what I could do with it.
What are you looking to get for it?
Well, from searching online, I could get...
- that can go for a good 250. - I don't know.
[Crying]
She's very uncomfortable hearing a 250 quote.
I think Moltar probably would stop crying
at about 50 bucks.
- 50 bucks? - Yeah.
Oh, you're using an infant
to sweeten the deal? [Laughs]
He'd been using this to trade on, cuteness.
[All laughing]
The plan wasn't going that well.
[All laughing]
250 is usually for this thing complete.
This is not complete, unfortunately.
There's a tear right there,
and this sticker, not original,
and he doesn't have his belt.
That's right, he had a belt.
But it's got the helmet and the other stuff, you know.
I was... I can go for 240.
You don't want to make this baby sad, do you?
If we think about it, you know, maybe 200.
- 200? - 200 is pretty much the lowest
that I can even think about going.
100 bucks? For something you just found?
Didn't even know you had?
Didn't even know the name, what it was.
Come on, bro.
How can you say no to this face?
Just do it.
- All right, all right. - All right, 100 bucks.
Shake the man's hand, I got baby slobber all over mine.
Yes, here is your first transaction.
That's right.
There you go, my friend. Thank you.
- Yeah. - Thanks, man.
- All right, take care, guys. - All right.
- Hey, guys. - You're back.
- How was she? - She was excellent.
I mean, she even helped us with a transaction.
Who's Moltar?
We... um... [Chuckles]
Do you hear that?
That's the sound of commerce.
This is where we put all the money.
Yeah, see that?
I mean, I was envisioning, you know,
raising the ultimate comic book retailer
at our hands, you know.
Meanwhile your own kids at home are like,
"what about us, dad?" [All laughing]
"We'd like to learn about retail," and he's like,
"no, no, no. Stranger babies only."
[All laughing]
A lot of people are going to want to come in,
and they want to do transactions,
they want to sell you something,
and they're always going to have this sob story.
They'll say, "oh, but my dad had this comic book.
"It's worth so much more because of all
the sentimental value." And you'll say,
"no, it's not." Huh?
Got it.
You know where it's at.
Okay, I'm not going to lie.
I really thought it was cool
to have her in there... in the store.
It's new, it's bubbly.
There's a smell of fresh air in the room.
We started to really bond, Moltar and the stash crew.
You couldn't ask for a better baby for us.
You're not supposed to ask for a baby at all.
[All laughing]
It's a comic book store.
Yeah, help me stock the shelves.
That's right.
[Baby yelling]
[Baby gurgling]
- Enjoy. - Thanks, man, have a good one.
Fun, right?
This is Alan Moore's the killing joke.
They are not going to show you this in preschool,
so really, I'm doing you a huge favor.
You're going to be ahead of everybody.
Can you laugh like the Joker?
Give me a Joker laugh.
[Imitates Joker]
No?
The world needs jokers, right?
Hey, guys.
- Hey, you're back. - Yep.
- How was she? - She was excellent.
I mean, she even helped us with a transaction today,
- and got a real good deal. - Good, good.
Complete angel. She was amazing.
Who's Moltar?
We... um... [Chuckles]
All good things must come to an end,
and Cari came back and, you know,
she wanted to take Moltar home.
What a shame when a mother wants her own child
to nurture and love.
Has to take it away from the kid's newest fans.
You were reduced to Fanboys yourselves
over a baby.
That baby was C10.
If she was going to get an official grade from...
- if we were ever going to slab that baby, C10.
Couldn't breathe, but C10.
[All laughing]
See you later. We're going to miss you.
Here, baby.
- Come on. - Don't worry, Moltar.
There's always going to be a place for you at the stash.
Oh, thank you for taking her. I really appreciate it.
Hey, hey, wait... take this with you too.
I mean, when she cries, she likes this.
Oh, see this, you like this?
You like superman? Here.
- Say, "thank you." - Bye.
- We'll see you soon. - See you later.
- Bye. - Bye, Moltar.
Quinn.
As babysitters, aren't we entitled to
the going rate of $2 an hour?
Feel like we just got ripped off.
[All laughing]
Wild, dude. I... it's...
there aren't many things that reduce you guys
to bleeding hearts. Apparently, a baby's one of 'em.
I got to tell you, man, the estrogen at the stash
was at alarming levels.
I mean, we were all on the same cycle for months after that.
[All laughing]
Oh man, I hear the dinner bell.
That means the episode must be at an end.
For Comic Book Men, I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
Rock-a-bye, baby, in the comic shop,
when the baby leaves, all their faces drop.
Good night.
Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com