1
00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:04,557
FULVIO: Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Who did this then, chief?
2
00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:08,110
- STYLAX: It was like it when I got it.
- Oh, my days. Look at the state of that axle.
3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,760
- What a bodge! Oh, dear.
- Oh, dear.
4
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,638
My mum could have done
a better job with those wheel arches.
5
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,312
And she's been dead for 20 years.
6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,992
That's bad then, isn't it?
7
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,399
They're all warped. Look.
8
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,755
I'm just looking for a bit more speed is all.
9
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,274
- You race then, chief?
- Planning to, chief.
10
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,432
- Underground or in the arena?
- Well, hopefully arena one day.
11
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,511
- What's underground?
- Wannabe circuit.
12
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,318
Every Saturday outside the city wall.
13
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,549
Oh, sweet.
14
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:35,428
Bunch of dickheads got themselves chariots.
Think they know the first thing about racing.
15
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,397
Yeah, dickheads.
16
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:40,074
It could be several things
slowing her down, boss.
17
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,390
The wheels, the axle, or the arches.
18
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,516
- I'd start again with all of them.
- OK, cool.
19
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,669
So how much do you reckon
all this is gonna...
20
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,716
- 495 denarii.
- Oh.
21
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,236
Or, could it just be the horse?
22
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,119
Yeah. To be fair it could be that.
23
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,711
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
24
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:08,367
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)
25
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:13,396
"Owing to the failure
of your legal representative in court..."
26
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:14,469
Mmm, sorry about that.
27
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,393
"...you will hereby be deported
in five days' time
28
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:22,031
"unless you are able to pay
a 3,000 denarii fine
29
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,918
"or obtain a work permit
from a reputable company.
30
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,992
"We hope you've enjoyed your stay in Rome.
Please do not come back."
31
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,639
I am so sorry.
32
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,358
If there's anything I can do, please just say.
33
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,919
Can you pay 3,000 denarii?
34
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,753
No, to be fair, I can't do that.
What about Grandma's inheritance?
35
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,193
That's a few thousand, right?
36
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,510
- It was. It's now about 50.
- Right.
37
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,319
And is there a grandpa that could
maybe help out?
38
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,470
And by help out you mean die?
39
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,118
Grandpa will outlive us all.
40
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,909
Mmm, great. Well, look we'll find a way
out of this, I promise.
41
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,950
The way I see it, things couldn't be any better.
42
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,635
Right, how exactly?
The girl I may well love is being deported.
43
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,836
Because I'm racing this Saturday.
44
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,358
She bets her money on me,
I romp home, she pays off her fine, job done.
45
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,793
Sorry, racing as in...
46
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,030
Chariots, baby. On the underground circuit.
47
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,350
Uh-huh! And underground as in...
48
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,429
Tunnels, probably.
49
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,557
Uh, no, Grumio.
Underground as in, "Not that legal."
50
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:16,629
Oh, perfect.
51
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,029
She should bet on me.
My odds will be good because I'm new.
52
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,155
Because you're shit.
53
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,309
A bit of both.
54
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,479
Sorry, what is this?
55
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,676
- Carbs, for the race.
- I've got to carb up.
56
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,716
Do you? The horse is the one doing the work.
57
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,030
- But I egg her on, don't I?
- Not very well, clearly.
58
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,633
I've never seen Peggy go quicker than a trot.
59
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,315
- That's not true.
- Do not suggest gambling to the girls, OK.
60
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,311
- I'm taking care of it.
- All right, fine.
61
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,914
G-man, is this carbs or sand?
62
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,231
It's a sandy carbs.
63
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,639
- Keep going, champ.
- All right.
64
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,517
- No pain, no gain.
- Yeah.
65
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,716
- Go on, champ.
- (GRUNTS)
66
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:57,357
She's dedicated, conscientious, she works
well on her own and as part of a team.
67
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,908
And she needs a work permit
to avoid deportation.
68
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,035
Pretty much.
69
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,509
Her CV seems to be a list of accents.
70
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,319
Yes, I'm an actor mainly. That's my acting CV.
71
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,516
Proficient in folk dancing I see.
72
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,436
I'm a bit rusty, but I'm happy to do
a refresher course if it helps.
73
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,715
It doesn't, because this is an office.
74
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,553
- Ever worked in one of these?
- No, but I'm keen to learn.
75
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,916
And she does have
useful officey skills, don't you?
76
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,878
Yes, I can do adding and taking away
and the other one.
77
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,632
And can you fuck people's husbands?
78
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,308
Um, is that an officey skill?
79
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,038
Not really. How's that relevant?
80
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,749
Just because my bastard husband bastard
has just shacked up with one of her lot.
81
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:35,829
My lot?
82
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:39,310
Yes, you know. Young, blonde, perky...
(SQUEAKING)
83
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:40,719
OK, well, that's not really her fault.
84
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,678
No, I know. And I don't want to take it out
on you, my dear,
85
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,988
but if you stay here much longer
86
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,038
I may very well stab this pen
into your milky white neck.
87
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,638
Right, let's maybe leave it.
88
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,992
Thank you for the opportunity.
89
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,038
Come on, Peggy.
Yah! Yah!
90
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,235
What you doing?
91
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,232
Just trying out a new noise. Yah! Hah!
92
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,356
Go on, you bugger. Go on, get.
93
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,000
Nah, stop. We're confusing her. Try the carrot.
94
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,357
No, I meant on Peggy, Grumio.
95
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,668
Oh. Right, yeah.
96
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,159
STYLAX: Hah! Hah!
97
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,152
Salve, Grumio. Horsing about again.
98
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,356
All right, Davus.
How do you get something to run?
99
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,795
Maybe chase it with an axe.
Usually works for me.
100
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:20,995
Sounds a bit full on.
101
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,311
So listen, how do you fancy
a rotisserie chicken?
102
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,235
Keep talking.
103
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,075
So, Landlord's now living
in this exclusive gated community,
104
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,230
slash maximum security prison.
105
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,151
Right. I wondered where he'd been.
106
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,639
And he wants to see you.
107
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,395
- Why me?
- He values your specific talent.
108
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,515
What's that then?
109
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,750
Being able to fit through a tiny pipe.
110
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,037
I mean, I'd do it myself
but I could barely get my dick in there.
111
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,875
Right. Well, I want the chicken upfront then,
so I can eat it in the pipe.
112
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,916
- You know it's a sewage pipe.
- Mmm.
113
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,393
- OK, I'll have it after.
- Good stuff. Right, up and at 'em.
114
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,068
Come on, my son.
115
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,354
(GRUNTS)
116
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,235
Ugh.
117
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,635
Yeah, push me.
118
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,789
DAVUS: That's it.
119
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,394
Oh, it's dead brown.
120
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,516
- DAVUS: Close your mouth maybe.
- Uh...
121
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,759
(GASPS)
122
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,633
Oi. Landlord.
123
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:30,909
Salve, Grumio.
124
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,399
All right, Landlord?
125
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,277
Am I glad to see you.
126
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,956
- I don't know. Are you?
- Yes, I am.
127
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,110
Cool. So how's prison going then?
128
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,236
Quite secure, unfortunately.
129
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,638
I feel a bit, um, stuck. You know what I mean?
130
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,394
I do actually, yeah.
131
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,799
I'd give you a tour but...
132
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,394
I should probably be getting back.
It's a bit whiffy in here.
133
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,278
Sure. Well, do me a favour
134
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,078
and give this to Davus, will you?
135
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,518
It's just a little shopping list.
136
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,033
- Got ya.
- Ta-ra then.
137
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,954
Come and see me anytime.
You know where I am.
138
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,357
It's doing my head in. I can't get Peggy going,
no matter what I do.
139
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,793
Have you tried whipping her?
140
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,359
- What, whip Peggy?
- Yeah.
141
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,716
Whip her on the bum. Dig your heels in.
She'll go like the clappers.
142
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,676
I mean, Peggy is a horse, right?
143
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,398
No, she's his new girlfriend.
144
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,391
And you want me to whip her on her bum.
145
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,708
I got confused. I thought...
146
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,597
- And dig his heels in.
- I thought she was a horse.
147
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:26,795
- So that's what you're into.
- No.
148
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,518
That's how you make women go
like the clappers, is it?
149
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,033
- No, I'm not into that.
- You pervert.
150
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,314
- No.
- What are you into, Aurelius?
151
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,868
- Lf you're not into that.
- Lf you must know I'm into big booties.
152
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,714
Really, Water Boy?
153
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,191
Remind me to have the salad for lunch.
154
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,716
Yes, don't worry. You're perfectly safe.
Water Man.
155
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,153
FLAVIA: Good to hear.
156
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,272
Don't ever look at my tuchus again.
157
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,112
Copier, I've decided to give
your perky little pal a job
158
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,838
and therefore a work permit.
159
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,239
Oh, brilliant. That's fantastic.
160
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,595
I've overcome my anger
towards my husband now
161
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,671
due to some Celtic breathing techniques.
162
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:57,875
Those guys can really breath.
163
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,758
They can indeed, Shredder. In with peace...
(INHALES DEEPLY)
164
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,629
Out with pain. (EXHALES SHARPLY)
The job comes with two conditions, however.
165
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,109
- Go ahead.
- One, she must dress dowdily.
166
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,394
I'll cut a hole in a sack.
167
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,948
And two, by way of recompense,
you must visit my house tonight,
168
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,793
gain entry and then beat the living shit
out of my husband.
169
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,112
Sorry, I don't really understand.
170
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,829
It's very simple.
You beaty hubby, she getty jobby.
171
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,231
Yeah, I'm not gonna beaty hubby.
172
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,469
Then no getty jobby,
173
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,757
because that love rat bastard
needs to bleed hard and...
174
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,034
And in with peace.
175
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,348
(INHALES DEEPLY)
176
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,118
And out with pain. (GROWLS)
177
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,910
Of course you could beaty hubby.
You're nails dude.
178
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,309
Am I, though? I'm really scared of violence.
179
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,197
And wasps. And crowds.
180
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,670
And we have already
blackmailed Flavia's husband.
181
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,478
We'd sort of be adding injury to insult.
182
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,791
We're only gonna shit him up a bit.
It's not like we're gonna kill the guy.
183
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,593
Not really sure it's worth it anyway.
184
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,477
All this faff for a girl
who doesn't even like me.
185
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,788
Of course she likes you.
186
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,077
I've been hounding her ever since
she moved in and I've got nowhere.
187
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,593
At least if she's leaving,
Metella will go with her.
188
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,319
Oh, don't give up now. Hey, if she's leaving
189
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,392
she might finally have sex with you
because she never has to see you again.
190
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,357
Oh, perfect. How romantic.
191
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,990
Fuck romantic.
You need to end your sex drought, dude.
192
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,517
End the drought!
193
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:19,955
Douche me.
194
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,474
- Hi, is Cynthia in?
- No.
195
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,028
She's gone to the botanical gardens
before we return to Britain
196
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,792
where we're being deported because of you.
197
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,189
- I have said sorry.
- Can I take a message?
198
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,238
Tell Cynthia I've tried my best
but I'm not getting anywhere.
199
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:43,834
I could have told you that.
200
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,394
With the work permits.
To keep you guys in Rome.
201
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:50,072
- Aha. So I guess that's that then.
- Mmm.
202
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,674
That's the last time I hear you
lamely knocking at our door.
203
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,599
And the last time I'm disappointed
when it's you that answers it.
204
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,069
Well, it's been an absolute blast.
205
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,472
Are you ready for this to be slammed
in your hideous face one last time?
206
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:02,955
Actually...
207
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,951
No. Not yet.
208
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,036
You have always tried to get
between me and Cynthia.
209
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,553
Right from the start. For no reason.
210
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,517
Because you two
are totally wrong for each other.
211
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,794
Surely you get that by now?
212
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,996
I'll tell you what I get, mate,
213
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,640
I get that you are a cold knob,
214
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,479
who's always hated me.
215
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,313
And given that we're never gonna see
each other ever again,
216
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,549
I want to know why.
217
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,917
(MOANING)
218
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,911
Because you're such a crap kisser.
219
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,593
And you're a grumpy cow.
220
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,113
Shut up, you whiny prick.
221
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:36,515
(GIGGLES)
222
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,358
I don't know. It just happened.
223
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,274
And with that the sex drought ends.
I'm so proud.
224
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,920
- Thought you liked the other one.
- Yeah, well, so did I.
225
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,115
And I thought you hated this one.
226
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,270
Again, so did I.
She's always so shitty with me.
227
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,669
Exactly. That's because she wants you bad.
228
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,194
This is what I've been saying all along.
229
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,838
You've never said that before.
230
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,592
- Have I not?
- No. You've not.
231
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,593
I've definitely thought it.
232
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,353
We've agreed to keep it secret for now.
Carry on like we hate each other.
233
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,112
Shouldn't be too difficult,
you've had plenty of practice.
234
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,191
Yeah. But the weird thing is,
235
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,555
I think I really like Metella.
236
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,756
Of course you do. You two are well suited.
237
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,398
You're both brainy and...
238
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,076
...frowny.
I mean, it's perfect.
239
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,632
- Isn't she being deported?
- I'm sure that bit's not ideal,
240
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,154
but still you've got a couple of days
of rampant humping.
241
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,470
Then you can wipe her down
and wave her off.
242
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,516
She can't go. Not now.
243
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,068
I've been chasing the wrong one
this whole time.
244
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,515
- I need to keep them here.
- So what are you gonna do?
245
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,477
I think we've got a hubby to beaty.
246
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,711
OK, this one's Flavia's house.
247
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,836
Here's the plan.
Stylax, you pin him down.
248
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,956
Right, pin him with... Uh, my hands?
249
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,393
- Not with pins, clearly.
- It's just...
250
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,471
I was thinking I could do a berserker.
251
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,959
- What's that?
- You just, kind of,
252
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,473
hulk out and cause mayhem.
253
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,676
- Don't do that.
- OK, I'll have it ready as a backup.
254
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,954
Grumio, you're gonna create a diversion.
255
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,473
- Got ya. What's that then?
- Anything.
256
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,949
Just, you know, make him look the other
way so I can smack him about a bit.
257
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,075
Yeah, nice one.
258
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,593
And let me do the talking. OK.
259
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,033
Good luck, everyone.
260
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,435
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
261
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,511
Hello there. We work with Flavia.
We've come to pick up a folder.
262
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,789
What, all three of you?
263
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,234
It's a really big folder.
264
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,639
OK, then, come on.
265
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,231
Hey, I know you.
266
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,835
You're the guy
who blackmailed me for my chariot.
267
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,748
Oh, yeah! That was me. Sorry about that.
268
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,794
No worries.
269
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,836
Actually did me a bit of a favour.
270
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,229
- Went and bought a bigger one.
- Oh, amazing.
271
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,754
Yeah, that stepped it up a bit of a gear.
272
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,671
Leather trim, metallic paintwork,
273
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,672
those really nasty spiky things
on the wheels for racing.
274
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:44,875
- Ooh, nasty.
- Yeah.
275
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,234
- I just entered a race.
- Have ya?
276
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,788
Oh, rock on, man. Bit of a speed demon, eh.
277
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:49,915
Uh, guys...
278
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,877
Hardly, he can't even get Peggy to run.
279
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,791
What? She's not responding
to the command?
280
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,154
- What command?
- (LAUGHS)
281
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,710
Guys, Pegasus is a highly-trained
racing animal.
282
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,395
She's not gonna run for you unless you give
her the proper vocal command!
283
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:03,595
And what is that?
284
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:04,715
Moo!
285
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,835
A moo?
286
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,311
Yeah. I guess she must have been
a bit freaked by cows when she was...
287
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,630
Hey, sorry. Guys, can I offer you some food?
288
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,472
- Oh, um...
- Yes, please.
289
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,997
Got this amazing Ligurian ham.
290
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,354
It is the business.
291
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,396
And I've got a very feisty cheese over there.
292
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,517
That's very kind of you,
but we really need to get that folder.
293
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,034
Go and get it then. We'll have some
of that feisty cheese.
294
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,712
Grumio, I mean...
295
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,232
Fucking hell. What was that?
296
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,197
- That's for being a dirty love rat.
- You've just slapped me.
297
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,315
- Stylax.
- Yeah.
298
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,789
I can't believe you just slapped me.
You dirty, filthy bitch.
299
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,519
- Well, believe it.
- Get off me.
300
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,238
- Get off me.
- GRUMIO: Hey, look over here!
301
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,795
Moony.
302
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:45,989
(GRUNTS)
303
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,877
- Get out my house.
- Right.
304
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,713
(SCREAMING)
305
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,674
Shitting hell. My sword. My sword.
306
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,679
(BOTH YELLING)
307
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,829
STYLAX: We're going.
308
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,273
Come on! Come on!
309
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,713
STYLAX: We're leaving now.
310
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,793
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
311
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:05,829
Twats.
312
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,469
So, all in all I think it was a success.
313
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,834
Really?
314
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,674
Because my husband's totally unscathed
face and body suggests otherwise.
315
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,038
But we shat him up though I bet.
316
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,350
Not so much actually,
according to Cornelius.
317
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,158
You ate various cold meats.
318
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,754
- That was Grumio.
- Then one of you bore their bottom.
319
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:26,909
Also Grumio.
320
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,399
Whilst you took your top off.
321
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,994
No, I was hulking out. I was doing a berserker.
322
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,991
And then broke one of my vases.
323
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,916
I did slap him. Did he mention the slap?
324
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,194
- He did not.
- Because I did slap him.
325
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,077
Oh, he did. He slapped him good.
326
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,074
So, can Cynthia have the job then?
327
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,029
What do you think?
328
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:48,036
It's fine. We just go back to plan A.
They bet on me, I win the race,
329
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,476
they pay the three grand, you and Metella
live snarkily ever after.
330
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,039
That is not plan A.
331
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,350
There's not enough letters in the alphabet
to give that plan a name.
332
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,793
But I know the special noise now.
333
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,077
Sure, you can moo at a horse.
That really fills me with confidence.
334
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,475
What are you doing?
335
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,074
Trust me and I will win.
336
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,470
- I don't think it works like that.
- Well, at least admit I can win.
337
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,028
OK, I admit it's mathematically possible
for you to win.
338
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,872
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
339
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,233
Thanks, babe.
340
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,151
- You all right, lads?
- MARCUS: Hey.
341
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,630
Hi, Cynthia. Metella.
342
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,518
Get anyone deported today,
you ugly bastard?
343
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,431
Not yet, you ginger prick.
344
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,993
We're selling all the things
we can't take back to Britain.
345
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,718
Everything must go, including us.
346
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,190
Well, you never know. You might be staying.
Right, Marcus?
347
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,833
Uh, yeah.
348
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,558
There's one last option.
349
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,278
- You could always bet on him.
- Yeah, do that.
350
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,271
- Bet on him to do what?
- I'm in a chariot race.
351
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,237
That's your plan? Betting on him.
352
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,880
- He can do it.
- And will.
353
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,235
I know it's not what we'd want,
but it's all we've got.
354
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,517
How about we throw caution to the wind
and just give it a go?
355
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,790
Britain's a long way away.
So I'd much prefer to have you next door.
356
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,555
♪ Delivering the shopping,
delivering the shopping
357
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,791
♪ Delivering the shopping to Landlord ♪
358
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,750
Oh, lovely. That will work a treat.
359
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,319
What's all this stuff for then?
360
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,472
You know, I'm thinking ofjoining
the woodwork club.
361
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,472
- Escape the drudgery.
- Won't they have tools there?
362
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,155
No, no tools in prison.
Only screws. (LAUGHS)
363
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,992
- That's for whittling.
- Oh.
364
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,752
- What you gonna make then?
- I don't know.
365
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,910
I guess maybe a swing.
366
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,992
Yeah, wicked.
367
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,116
The years will fly by if you're on a swing.
368
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,872
That is the idea.
369
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,711
Oh, hi, Cynth.
370
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,950
Hey, so when's this race then?
371
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,871
A couple of hours or so.
Stylax is already there.
372
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,598
- Geeing himself up.
- Right.
373
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,399
- Shouldn't he be geeing the horse up?
- He won't be told.
374
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,199
Well, whatever works,
because I think I'm going to do the betting.
375
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,589
You are. Wow, that's fantastic.
376
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,159
I'd do anything to stay in Rome.
377
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,674
And I can see how much it means to you
to have us next door.
378
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,193
It really does.
379
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,475
God knows what freaks
might move in instead.
380
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,831
But it's more than that though, isn't it?
381
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,349
Is it?
382
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,000
You've pursued me
since the moment I got here.
383
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,918
And sometimes I've felt flattered
384
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,072
and other times I've felt... harassed.
385
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,789
I guess, I'm starting to see
what might have been.
386
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,394
Only now when it's almost too late.
387
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,197
So how about we do what you said
and throw caution to the wind?
388
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,316
Oh. Now.
389
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,273
This is what you want, isn't it?
390
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,676
(GULPS) Yeah.
391
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,155
(BELL RINGING)
392
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,953
Davus! Davus! I'm finished.
393
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,155
Davus!
394
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,151
PRISONER: Jail break!
(GUARD GROANS)
395
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:08,069
Hi! Out there! I'm late for a race.
396
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,359
Salve, Grumio.
397
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,637
- All right, Landlord. Pull us out, eh.
- Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush.
398
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,631
Oh! Help!
399
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,033
Oh, by Jove, he's done the double.
400
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:31,715
Sex drought all year
and then boom, sex flood.
401
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,711
- I'm a dirty love rat.
- I know you are.
402
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,358
I'm so incredibly proud.
403
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,078
What the hell do I do though?
404
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,993
- Will they definitely tell each other?
- Pretty sure they will.
405
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,958
Cynthia's also keeping it secret for now,
but that won't last long.
406
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,237
Is it out of the question
that they might be willing to share you?
407
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,153
Share me! They're more likely to stab me.
408
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,277
Look, I think it's best for all of us,
but mainly me,
409
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,909
if the girls just got deported after all.
410
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,035
Good thinking.
411
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,839
Which, of course,
they will if you lose the race.
412
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,878
Oh, no, no. Bad thinking.
Don't make me throw the race, dude.
413
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:03,949
You don't have to throw it.
414
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,917
You're not gonna win it anyway,
as we both well know.
415
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:11,074
All I'm saying is, if by some freak occurrence
you look like you might win it, just don't.
416
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,673
OK, for me?
417
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,918
(EXHALES) Fine.
418
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,399
Ah, cool, man.
419
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,871
May as well stop lunging then.
420
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,029
Cheers, man.
421
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,030
Right. Here goes.
422
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,999
(GROANING)
423
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,313
(GROANING) Bloody hell.
424
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,031
(CROWD CHEERING)
425
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,873
ANNOUNCER: In the next race we've got
Castor at nine to four, Attibius at three to one,
426
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,430
Aidanus at seven to one,
and Stylax at one hundred to one.
427
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,629
Hey.
428
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,758
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- I did the betting.
429
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,752
Cool. On Stylax, right? To win.
430
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,673
Yep. We'll make over 5,000 denarii if he wins.
431
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,274
The odds on him are brilliant, as in terrible.
432
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,591
Great. Well, then, come on, Stylax.
433
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,749
All right.
434
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,634
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
435
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,153
- Nuts?
- Thanks.
436
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,519
Not for me.
437
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,435
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
438
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,598
ANNOUNCER: Three, two, one...
439
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:29,874
(BLOWS HORN)
440
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,552
(CROWD CHEERING)
441
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,432
Come on, Stylax!
442
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,758
Move it, Stylax!
443
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,155
Oh! (GRUNTS)
444
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,349
Uh-oh.
445
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,239
(MOOING)
446
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,232
- No. No, Grumio. No, Grumio.
- (NEIGHING)
447
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,158
Go on, Stylax.
448
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,069
Yes.
449
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,191
STYLAX: Whoa, Peggy. Whoa, Peggy.
450
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,633
Yeah, I can't...
451
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,115
(GRUNTS)
452
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,238
(GRUMIO MOOING)
453
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,792
Stop mooing!
454
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,633
Ah! Jove!
455
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,639
- (BELL RINGS)
- ANNOUNCER: Final lap.
456
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,314
CYNTHIA: Come on! Come on, Stylax!
457
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,199
STYLAX: Whoa!
458
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:30,989
Jove!
459
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,354
I don't like it.
460
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,594
I don't like it.
461
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,752
METELLA: You can do it!
CYNTHIA: Go on, Stylax!
462
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,638
- He's going to do it.
- Oh. Great!
463
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,279
CYNTHIA: He's doing it.
464
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,668
(CROWD CHEERING)
465
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,674
(GRUNTS)
466
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,150
Fucking... first!
467
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,633
(CYNTHIA SQUEALING)
468
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,349
Uh...
469
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,635
ANNOUNCER: And the winner is Stylax!
470
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,994
(RETCHING)
471
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,832
Don't like it. (GROANS)
472
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,595
You were right about the girls.
They're not gonna share you.
473
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,511
- Uh-huh!
- You were right about the race,
474
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,158
it is the horse, and not the driver.
475
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,992
- Uh-huh!
- Which frankly makes it
476
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,674
a stupid bloody sport.
I mean, it's way too fast.
477
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,557
Especially when someone starts mooing.
478
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,154
How were I supposed to know
that you needed him to lose
479
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,832
because you wanted the girls kicked out,
480
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,195
because you'd done the other one
as well as the other one.
481
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,599
I can't keep up these days.
482
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,432
Yeah, neither can I.
483
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,035
Hey, how come you leaving?
I thought you'd won enough to stay.
484
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,032
We're staying in Rome.
We're just getting out of this shit pit.
485
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,156
We don't want to live next door
to a squeaky voiced,
486
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,037
big nosed, lying, cheating bastard
487
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,793
who makes this face when this orgasms.
488
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,235
- I don't do that face.
- You do, actually.
489
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,669
That's it then.
490
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,591
There goes the love of my life.
491
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:57,749
Which one?
492
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,876
Mmm, yeah, not sure.
493
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,238
I've really fucked it up this time, haven't I?
494
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,756
Oh, bullshit, man. You're my hero.
495
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,832
You've had sex with two girls in one week.
496
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:13,072
You live in the best city in the world
and you get to hang out with me and G-man.
497
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,152
Things couldn't be any better. Hey.
498
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,391
Yeah, before we hug, can we maybe
wash off the blood, shit and vom?
499
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:20,913
Oh. Yeah, sure.
500
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,831
Come on then, douche me.
501
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,392
(DOGS BARKING)
502
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,439
GUARD: This way, lads.
503
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,509
(PANTING)
504
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:44,995
(LAUGHTER)
505
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,959
MARCUS: Wait. No, wait.
506
00:22:49,011 --> 00:22:59,102
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)