1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,680
I haven't had loads of sexy
encounters with foreign, exotic men?

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,600
Like my dad?
Watch your mouth, boy.

3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,520
The Australians are attempting
to steal

4
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,400
our technologies and ideas from us.

5
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:11,960
There you are, Blade.

6
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,840
I've already told you - that's God.

7
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,360
Rocky, your god is delicious.

8
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,760
God has been reborn!
I love you, God.

9
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,000
You're getting married?
Who's your best man?

10
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,880
Gulliver.
Yeah, and...?

11
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,600
I'm going to need you to stay back
and clean up this whole Hitler mess.

12
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,720
I'm a friend of Dave's.
You handsome devil.

13
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,920
I think the universe wants me
to touch some jam,

14
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,520
like, as in, I'm going to finger her.

15
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,200
Phoenix is the face of Ksodomi,

16
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,680
and we're going to make him
our brand ambassador.

17
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,560
If he happens to be available
at the time.

18
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,320
What are you passionate about?
Vacuum cleaners.

19
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,920
Oi, Sticksy, want to play a game?

20
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,840
What kind of game?

21
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,600
It's called The Staring Game.

22
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,440
How do you play this game?
Pretty simple.

23
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,760
You've just got to hold your stare
and not look away no matter what.

24
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,680
And whoever looks away first loses.

25
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,960
That sounds pretty boring.

26
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,800
Nah, it's really intense.

27
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,320
It doesn't sound intense.

28
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,320
Trust me, it is.

29
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,120
I'm out, I'm out!

30
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,400
Go on, quit, you quitter guy.
I'm going for the record.

31
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,680
Rocky, what's wrong with your face?

32
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:53,040
Nothing. What's wrong with your face?

33
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:02,840
# We've lived a thousand lives
together

34
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:07,280
# And we'll be best friends forever

35
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,680
# In a mostly platonic sense

36
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,480
# This is a love that never ends

37
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:20,200
# Never ends, never ends

38
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:26,600
♪ This is a love that never ends. ♪

39
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,720
What a scorcher.

40
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,960
Yeah, man. This beach is packed, eh?
G'day. Hey.

41
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,120
See that guy
all up in our personal space?

42
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,920
Probably a homosexual.

43
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,560
This country's rife with them, Rog -
homosexuals and stingers.

44
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,920
Well, hello, Mum.

45
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,480
Stop calling her 'Mum'.

46
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,000
I'm calling her by her Maori name.

47
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,160
It's not pronounced 'Mum'.
It's pronounced 'Mum', you egg.

48
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,640
Kia ora, boys.

49
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,920
Jesus Christ,
put some flippin' clothes on, Mum.

50
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,560
You look like you could
do with a cold drink, Thinge.

51
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,760
Milk.

52
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,680
Bubbles.

53
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,760
Combine the two...

54
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,440
..and it's Curdle Town.

55
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,040
But what if you could carbonate
milk itself?

56
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,160
Healthy alternative to a fizzy
drink - anabolic and nutritious,

57
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,080
the dairy industry's
dream of dreams.

58
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,600
Sounds like playing God,
if you ask me.

59
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,560
Our scientists nearly pulled it off
in 1970,

60
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,800
until they all turned up missing.

61
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,760
And now this.

62
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,720
If Australians roll out fizzy milk
before we can,

63
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,120
New Zealand will no longer be seen
at the forefront

64
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,840
of dairy-product innovation
and dairy-development technology.

65
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,120
The Australians will be
dancing in the streets.

66
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,200
Not on my watch.

67
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,520
Your mission is to
infiltrate Des Hodgkins' dairy farm

68
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,520
and gain usable intelligence.

69
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,560
Did someone say, 'intelligence'?

70
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,040
Say 'cheese', Mr Thinge.

71
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,520
(Shutter snaps)

72
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,360
A surveillance chilly bin.

73
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,880
Over here, they call it an 'esky'.

74
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,280
If you boys want to pass as
Australians on Friday night,

75
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,160
then I suggest you do the same.

76
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,040
Friday night?
But the Bledisloe Cup match is on.

77
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,200
New Zealand needs us, Blade.

78
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,560
Yeah, to get pissed
and watch the game.

79
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,840
Morning.

80
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,320
Oh, hey, Kelly.
Hey.

81
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,240
How are you?
Yeah, good. Just, um...

82
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,000
What are you making?

83
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,280
Uh... breakfast.

84
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,640
Cool.
I'm just going to go get dressed.

85
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,120
Alright. Go for it.

86
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,640
(Mobile rings)

87
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,280
Supsies, brah?
Where are you, man?

88
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,240
Ah, just fuckin'
having a crazy bender.

89
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,920
OK. So what's the deal
with this Kelly chick?

90
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,920
Do I need to get her a bus ticket
and a bottle of Gatorade, or...

91
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,080
Not this time, man.
Kelly's different.

92
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,920
I think she might be the one.

93
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,320
Ah... OK.

94
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,800
Do you mind making yourself scarce
for a couple of hours tonight?

95
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,640
It would be nice to have
the kitchen bench to myself.

96
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,080
Sure. No worries.
To fuck Kelly on.

97
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,120
I gathered that.

98
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,800
Yeah, OK.
I'll duck out for an hour or two.

99
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,880
Oh, fuck!
We've got that yoga thing, right?

100
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:22,760
Yeah, but I mean, if you're
busy with your... salty snack,

101
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,280
I mean, I can handle it, you know.

102
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,160
No, no, man. Fuck, it's all good.

103
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,200
Fashion before smashin'.
I'll catch you later.

104
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,040
Yeah, sorry, man. That was my
grandma.

105
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:37,760
She tried to make a ham sandwich
and stuck a fork in the toaster.

106
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,320
Got all fucked up.
Can I get an early mark?

107
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,920
Hey, guys, have you ever tried cock?

108
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,200
Try cock today.

109
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,680
NARRATOR: Spoken by Anita Zu

110
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,120
for the Feminazi Department
of Population Control.

111
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,000
Congratulations, team,
on nailing this month's targets.

112
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,200
And an extra-special
pat on the back to Dave

113
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,000
and Dave From The Immediate Future,
our Employees of the Week.

114
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,480
Well done.

115
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,480
Yeah, thanks. Means a lot.

116
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,640
What can I say? I should probably
thank my best friend, Dave.

117
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,800
The thing about Dave here is that,
being from the immediate future...

118
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,440
I'm always one step ahead.

119
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,920
(Giggles)

120
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,360
You stole my punchline, man.

121
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,160
Who cares? We're the same person.
No-one knows who said what.

122
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,520
I know, OK?

123
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,800
Yo, Davemeisters!

124
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,280
Yo, R to the D2.

125
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,760
Snap!

126
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,920
Why not hang out with Gulliver
and his wife, the herb garden?

127
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,400
Her name's Siena, and she's lovely.

128
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,560
You know what else is lovely?
Not being an inanimate object.

129
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,560
(Both beatbox)

130
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,720
Woo-woo!

131
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,960
♪ See ya, Robnog. ♪

132
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,640
Burn!
You know what we should do?

133
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,560
Steal Rob's time key
and hit up a pirate hooker bar.

134
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,480
Fully. I wonder how many doubloons
it would cost for DP?

135
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,320
Yuck! What if our balls touch?

136
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,040
So what? They're your balls, right?

137
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,720
Get out of it.

138
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,520
Just saying. Remember that time
you woke up, your arm was numb

139
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,040
and you had a cheeky bat,
and it felt cool

140
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,680
because it felt like
it was someone else doing it?

141
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:17,080
All I'm saying is, how would this be
any different to that?

142
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,520
S'up! What's going on, Daves?

143
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,520
Hi, man.
Good night last night?

144
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,880
Have a few little cold ones?
Yeah, it was a pretty good night.

145
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,880
Wasn't good, wasn't bad. Was just...

146
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,520
Whatever. Yeah. Crazy.

147
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,160
Just, yeah. It was a night.

148
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,720
Should probably best get back to it,
then.

149
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:52,240
OK. Sure.
Keep up the good work, I guess.

150
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,240
He knows, man.
No, he doesn't.

151
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,040
He does. Everyone does.

152
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,960
They're fully talking about it
right now.

153
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,960
No, man,
just on about some work shit.

154
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,640
I would say that there'd
be a 83.755% chance

155
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,800
that Dave jerked himself off,
himself.

156
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,520
I reckon you should let this one go,
Roboss.

157
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,840
Dave's not a happy guy, OK?

158
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,160
All he's got is this retro-hetero
identity that he really clings to.

159
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,320
We should be careful
not to undermine it.

160
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,520
I'd hate to see Dave
lose Dave as a friend

161
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,440
over something as trivial
as a wristy, wouldn't you?

162
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,360
Fully, fully. Yes.

163
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:46,880
So we're going to open our class
today with a series of strong oms.

164
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,360
Breathe in.

165
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,640
O-o-om.

166
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,040
EVERYONE: O-o-om.

167
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,080
Om.
Om.

168
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,920
Hey, Dom? Check out Phoenix.

169
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,800
He hasn't even taken a breath yet.

170
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,520
Sorry, man. I didn't realise
it was a fucking competition.

171
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:17,440
No, no, it's not.
It's just... breathtaking.

172
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,520
Do-m-m.

173
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,000
Are you saying 'Dom'?

174
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,440
No. Do-m-m-m.

175
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,480
Dom, just be cool, OK?

176
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,360
Yoga is all about casting aside
the ego.

177
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,960
I'm devoid of ego, brah. I'm the
most egoless person in this room.

178
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,320
If there's a competition to see
who had the least ego,

179
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,280
I'd win, hands-down,
'cause I wouldn't have entered it,

180
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,280
which is why I would have won it,
'cause I'm a fucking boss.

181
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,560
Dom-m-m.

182
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,680
The trick with pretending
to be Australian, Roger,

183
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,360
is to be casually racist and sexist.

184
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,640
Do you think Mum will remember
to tape the rugby?

185
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,240
Keep your mind on the mission,
Blade.

186
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,400
We need to obtain a sample
of the fizzy milk

187
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,000
and get surveillance of the barn.

188
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,560
Do you copy?
Yeah. Roger.

189
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,240
Not anymore, you're not, mate.

190
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,760
Why do you laugh like that?
Open your mouth, you fucking weirdo.

191
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,760
G'day.

192
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,320
I'm Shane and this is Warwick,

193
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,880
and we're from
Dairy and Driving Monthly.

194
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:30,400
Ah, OK. Looks like you brought
a whole eskyful, did you?

195
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,600
Yeah. We're functioning alcoholics.

196
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,800
(Chuckles) Aren't we all! (Laughs)

197
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:36,800
(Shutter snaps)

198
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,160
Oh, let me take that off your hands.

199
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,440
Nah, it's alright, mate.
No, no, Honestly.

200
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,520
Ah, nah...
No, I insist. Bina!

201
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,800
Bina!

202
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:51,120
You want to find some place
for this, please? Thank you.

203
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:57,400
What a gorgeous, exotic flower
your wife uz... is.

204
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,680
Ah, yeah. Don't I know it?

205
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:03,640
Thank you, gentlemen.

206
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,800
Yeah, quite a banksia, your wife.

207
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,280
The lady who looked like a cat
took the chilly bin.

208
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,760
Yeah.

209
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,880
G'day. How are you going?

210
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,360
G'day.

211
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,720
Haven't seen you fellas
around the traps before.

212
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,920
Yeah. Ah, we've been busy
playing cricket on the beach

213
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,920
and cooking food outside.

214
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,800
And I went for a boogie board
and I punched my wife.

215
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,960
You'll have to excuse my associate.

216
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,120
He's, uh, somewhat of a larrikin.

217
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,720
Aren't we all, mate? Aren't we all?

218
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,160
Alright, you jokers, settle down.

219
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,000
I'd just like to say a few words.

220
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,760
Gentlemen of the press -
and I use the term lightly...

221
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,840
(Guffaws)
(Laughs)

222
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming.

223
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,600
Milk's had a pretty bad run lately,

224
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,120
but fizzy milk will
make milk fun again.

225
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,800
Yeah?

226
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,800
Shane Gates,
from Dairy and Driving Monthly.

227
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,800
Yeah, mate.

228
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,760
Are we going to be able
to have a look inside the barn?

229
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,400
Oh. Well, actually,
I'd prefer to stay in here.

230
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,680
OK, guys?

231
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,280
Harry Constant, Daily Telegraph.

232
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,440
When do we get to try the fizzy milk
in question,

233
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,400
and what can mix it with -
bourbon, southo?

234
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,520
My late father used to say

235
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:33,360
if you want to find out if somebody
is truly worthy of your trust,

236
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,520
sink piss with them
and watch the footie.

237
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,280
(Laughter)
And I'll tell you what -

238
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,360
if the Aussies get up
over these Kiwi mongrels,

239
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,880
we'll break out the fizzy milk.

240
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,720
Wa-hey!
Wa-a-ay!

241
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,240
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!
Rurgh!

242
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,920
Go on, son!
What are they doing, Thinge?

243
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,440
Just go with it.

244
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,400
Wha-e-e-e!
U-u-urgh!

245
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,640
E-e-e-e!

246
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,080
TV: A beautiful night here
at the Sydney Football Stadium...

247
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,040
You're a bit dark, aren't ya?
You one of them Aye-ties?

248
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,800
Ah, Warwick here is a coon.

249
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,920
..the Australian national anthem...

250
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,600
Oh, here we go.
Everyone, on your feet. (Grunts)

251
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:18,400
ALL: # Australians all,
let us rejoice

252
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:22,800
♪ For we are young and free... ♪

253
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,280
I just want to say thank you
for agreeing to split your wage.

254
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,160
I think it's a really great thing
to do for yourself.

255
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,240
No worries, man.
We're killing it on commission, so...

256
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,880
You're saying that a lot lately -
'we'.

257
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,120
'We this', 'we that'.
'We', 'we', 'we'.

258
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,120
Obviously, we like the same things.
We're the same person.

259
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,560
Yeah. Which is why you work
so well together -

260
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:53,160
you can anticipate each other's
every move, every need,

261
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,640
every deep-seated desire.

262
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,280
You jerked yourself off, didn't you?

263
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,200
(Scoffs)
(Chuckles)

264
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,480
Imagine that.
Yeah, fully. Hey, yo!

265
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,240
No.

266
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,320
But seriously though.

267
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:20,760
If we want to transcend that
endless cycle of death and rebirth,

268
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,880
we need to cast aside our baggage,
let go of our ego.

269
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,400
We need to silence that chattering
voice in our head

270
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,720
that says 'You can't do it'.

271
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,320
ADRIAN: OK, Adrian, listen to
Phoenix - stop thinking.

272
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,360
Why is it, the less
I try and think about stuff,

273
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,480
the more and more I hear myself
and the louder I get?

274
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,160
Oh, my God, I can hear everyone!

275
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,960
I'm like that cripple with
alopecia from The Axeman.

276
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,760
I think I'll put some honey
in my smoothie today,

277
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,240
because it's Saturday.

278
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,920
I can't wait for pilot season. This
year is going to be Stacey's year.

279
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,440
I've got to take Sammy to practice,
and Jimmy needs some glue sticks...

280
00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,320
♪ Dom, Dom, D-Dom, Dom, Kelly
Dom, Dom, D-Kelly... ♪

281
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,120
How flexible do I have to be
to bang one of these Bondi chicks?

282
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,640
Just give us a start.
Gary fucking Calloway...

283
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,320
I guess the trick is
to kill a random homeless person.

284
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,920
And fairies and angels
and white lights...

285
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,960
Oh, yeah, it's really wedged
in there. Uh-oh, camel toe.

286
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,800
Man, Phoenix's parents hit the
genetic jackpot - ding, ding, ding!

287
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,600
It's not about genetics.
It's about moisturising.

288
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,840
Whoa! You can hear me.

289
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,880
'Course not.
This is all in your head.

290
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,400
Well, just 'cause it's in my head
doesn't mean it isn't real.

291
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,160
That's what Dumbledore would say.

292
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,120
I bet that old tripper
does heaps of yoga.

293
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,880
Dumbledore doesn't need yoga.

294
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,960
Gay guys have open hips by default,
don't they, Adrian?

295
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,600
I'm not gay, but I'd
perform a skin-flute concerto

296
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,600
if it meant I could get into
full lotus. Don't tell anyone.

297
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,200
Trust me, I won't.
I can't actually hear you.

298
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,200
But I can hear you, Phoenix.

299
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,600
No, you can't. I don't even
have an inner monologue.

300
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,800
All I have is this.
(Clear, ringing tone)

301
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,160
Hey, kids, be sure to look eight
ways before crossing the skyways -

302
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,800
left, right, diagonally right,
up, left, right, around and down.

303
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,600
Your rent hasn't come through yet,
man.

304
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,440
Are you sure? Because I've...
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

305
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,920
(Phone rings)

306
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,280
Hello, Travel Time Time Travel.
This is Dave.

307
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,280
Ah, hey, Mum. How are you going?

308
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,240
Yeah, no.
No, I don't want to see Troy.

309
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,320
Because, I told you, I'm straight.
Yes, I'm sure.

310
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,480
Uh-huh.
Hey, can you chuck my other mum on?

311
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,840
Nah, the an mum.

312
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,840
Hey, Mum, do you reckon I could
borrow some carbon credit?

313
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,720
What?
You're wearing my shirt, cunt.

314
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,640
Dom, just do it flat.

315
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,400
Yeah, I know. Don't touch me.
That's it.

316
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,280
(Farts)
Oh. Nice release, Dom.

317
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,480
Um, yeah, no, that wasn't a fart.
Oh, it's not a thing.

318
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,520
Dom, it's OK. There's no judgement
here. This is Bondi.

319
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,160
Cool, yeah.
That's fine, it just wasn't a fart.

320
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,360
It was compressed air
out of my shoulderblades.

321
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,880
Dom, farts are healthy, OK?
They detoxify the body

322
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,360
and release the deep gluteals.

323
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,440
Cool story, but I didn't fart.

324
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,080
Dom, why are you bringing judgements
into your practice?

325
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,960
I'm perfectly OK with farting.
I just didn't fart.

326
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,240
Prove it.

327
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,320
Go for it.

328
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,920
Just prove you're OK with farting.

329
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,640
But I don't need to fart.

330
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,840
Dom, it's OK. I've got this.

331
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,760
Thanks, Adrian.

332
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,240
(Watery flub)

333
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,280
(Laughs) What the fuck?!

334
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,080
You weirdo!

335
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,080
It sounded like his arsehole
had a mouth!

336
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,960
Yeah, OK. I'm sorry about Dom.
He's a bit of a young soul, so...

337
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,880
And, what, you're an old soul
'cause you can om longer than I can?

338
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,160
I'm just saying that farts are
only funny in your first lifetime.

339
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,800
Sorry, man. Get more lifetimes.

340
00:17:55,000 --> 00:18:00,160
No judgement in Bondi.
Fucking try-hard dickhead.

341
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,160
(Toilet flushes)

342
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,720
WOMAN'S VOICE: Thank you.
You have three flushes remaining.

343
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,400
What's up, Dave?
What are you still doing here?

344
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,440
Where else would I be?
Back in your own time.

345
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,040
I changed the past, so I don't
have a future to go back to.

346
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,320
Shouldn't you fade away
or some shit?

347
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,640
What's your problem?
I came here to save your arse.

348
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,440
No, you came here to save your arse.

349
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,200
It's the same arse.

350
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,240
Whoa! Nice try, alright?

351
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,200
But, see, the thing about you, Dave,
is you're so predictable!

352
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,960
Oh, yeah, am I?
Predict this!

353
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,840
TV COMMENTATOR:
Just one defender to beat...

354
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,000
(Cheering)

355
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:53,560
Try to Australia. Scintillating
stuff. What a sensational try.

356
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,040
(Cows moo)

357
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,840
Be out in a wee tick.

358
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,840
A wee tick?!

359
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,720
Where are you from, mate?

360
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,400
Roger, we have to pull the plug.

361
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,240
Yeah, but...
I killed a man.

362
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,920
We literally have seconds.

363
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,760
But look at the score.

364
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,800
Jesus Christ!
There's just one kick in it.

365
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,400
Look, we only have 500 bones
to offer you,

366
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,240
but would you be
the brand ambassador?

367
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,200
Is that what you both want?

368
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,560
'Cause Dom's aura
is a little bit, like...

369
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,440
No, Dom's fine.

370
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,760
He's my bestie, and he's actually
a really, really creative guy.

371
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,760
He's as keen to have you involved
as I am.

372
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,560
Come on, brah. Let's get the fuck out
of here. I've got dinner with Kelly.

373
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,240
Oh, yeah, you and Kelly
are, like, a thing?

374
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,240
Yeah. Sorry about it.
You win some, you lose some.

375
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,920
Oh, no, we weren't, like...
It was just an exchange of energy.

376
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,880
How do you like
this exchange of energy?

377
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,880
Should we...

378
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,040
See you next week.

379
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,320
Namaste, Phoenix.

380
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,320
Hey!

381
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,760
What are you doing?
I got you!

382
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,440
What do you mean?
I got you!

383
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,680
Ah. You got me.

384
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,840
Yeah!
You did, too.

385
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,320
I'm going to get you back!
No, don't!

386
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,800
Yeah!
Yeah!

387
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,960
Yeah!
(Chuckles) Don't.

388
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,520
Don't!

389
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:21,880
(Shrieks)

390
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:24,880
(Weeps)

391
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,600
Got you back.

392
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,000
Too far, Rocky.

393
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,280
You went too far.

394
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,560
Mate! What have you gone
and done to yourself?

395
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,360
I killed myself, Rob.

396
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,480
It's alright, mate. Roboss is here.

397
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:57,680
(Whistles) Clear!

398
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:08,160
Rob, I just want to say thanks
like, for being there.

399
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,600
It's what friends are for, man.

400
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,160
Dave?

401
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,840
You did wank yourself off though,
right? That happened, yeah?

402
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,640
You're crazy, man.
You've got to check your wiring.

403
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,800
You're all... You're losing it.

404
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,680
That wasn't ideal, Dom.

405
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,400
Fuck Phoenix, man.
He's not right for our brand anyway.

406
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,440
He's right for every brand.

407
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,720
Exactly.
His fucking face is everywhere, man.

408
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,280
We need to go for someone
with a different look, you know,

409
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,520
someone with a bit more bodily hair,
kind of - dry skin, tired eyes,

410
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,680
with a concerned, crinkled forehead,
the beard of a crusty seadog,

411
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,480
who looks like they could have been
strapped to the bow of a boat

412
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,000
and driven around the high seas.

413
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,000
We need an established model
with industry clout,

414
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,520
as opposed to a guy that used
to model pirate costumes

415
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,280
on the side of fancy-dress
packaging.

416
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,560
OK, we've got an underground label,
so we need an underground face.

417
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,040
This is an underground face.

418
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,240
Yes, Dom,
you have an underground face,

419
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,240
but is it maybe
a little too underground?

420
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,280
Because there's Technodrome
underground

421
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,320
and then there's
Crab People underground.

422
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,920
I'm not a crab.
I know you're not a crab,

423
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,200
but you have to stop
walking sideways, Dom -

424
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,520
sideways around your problems.

425
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,120
Come on, man. If I can't
model for my own fashion label,

426
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,720
who the fuck else
is going to hire me?

427
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,040
I'll do it for free.

428
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,440
Boom! Kelly. Guess who's our
motherfucking brand ambassador?

429
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,280
You got Phoenix?
Even better. We got me, Kelly.

430
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,000
Let's get fucked up.

431
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,600
Cool. Yeah.
Um, do you want to call in a bag?

432
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,320
Good, Kelly. That's very good, Kelly.
I'll call the Jew Crew.

433
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,080
Dom, it's a Saturday. You know the
Jew Crew doesn't run on the Sabbath.

434
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,000
Well, can you call one
of your ex-Cranbrook boy,

435
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,280
Tom Waterhouse-lookalike
motherfuckers and call in a bag?

436
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,520
Yeah, I'll just give them a call.
I would if I had their numbers, Dom.

437
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,320
I've got some numbers I could call,

438
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,640
but I don't want to get another bag
on tick.

439
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,480
No, of course not, Kelly.
That's fine.

440
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,200
We'll get this one.
That's fine. It's on us.

441
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,680
I've, uh... Ades, do you think
you could get this one?

442
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,160
Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'll get this.

443
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,960
Is that alright?
Yeah, sure, it's on me.

444
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,720
Cool. Thanks, man.

445
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:37,000
Just a quick bag for me and Kelly.

446
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,360
Yeah, Kelly.
(Moans)

447
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:41,560
Yeah, I'm a brand ambassador.

448
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,040
(Bedstead knocks)

449
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,520
Yeah, Kelly,
call me a brand ambassador.

450
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,720
What?
Say it. I'm a brand ambassador.

451
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,080
You're a brand ambassador.
Oh, yeah!

452
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,360
I'm a fucking a brand ambassador.
Yeah, that's it! I'm the brand...

453
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,640
(Mutters and grunts)

454
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,760
TV: Another pick and drive
for New Zealand.

455
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,240
Hands in the ruck. That is a penalty
to New Zealand from right in front.

456
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,360
Dammit! Aw. That's... terrible.

457
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,240
He won't miss from here. He's
a precision kicker, that's for sure.

458
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,920
It's going to be all over
for the Wallabies.

459
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,720
This should be the ball game.

460
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,600
Strikes it, and it's all over.
He's missed it!

461
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,080
Oh, yes!

462
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,440
Australia wins the Bledisloe.

463
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,920
Bubbles, yes! Fizzy milk all round!

464
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,280
The Australians will be
dancing in the streets tonight.

465
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,360
Not since the days
of Roger Taumeupeu

466
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,320
have we seen
such a blown opportunity.

467
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,640
He buries his head in his hands.

468
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,200
Hand over the fizzy milk.

469
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,200
You guys are Kiwis?

470
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,560
You'd better believe it, egg.

471
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,040
Shit!

472
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,080
Oh, I'm hit.

473
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,640
Shit! Cover me, Rog!

474
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,320
Get out of the way.

475
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,520
Noooooo! (Speaks indistinctly)

476
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,680
Bottom slide!
You Kiwi mongrels!

477
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,000
Rog! Get the chilly bin.

478
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,920
You Kiwi bastards!

479
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,800
Do a burnout!

480
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,480
I hate your stinking country!

481
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,280
Do a burnout!
That's a sick one.

482
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,800
Take it a bit more easy. That's it.

483
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,160
Security footage on.
Scroll back two days.

484
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,560
Ah, bathroom.

485
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,680
Play.

486
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,360
Oh, Dave!

487
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,400
Oh, Dave, you're the man!

488
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,160
Oh!
Yeah.

489
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:08,080
Oh, Dave!
Oh, Dave.

490
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,000
I fucking love you, man.
Oh, Dave, you're the man. Oh!

491
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,000
Captions by CSI Australia