1
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,480
We need an established fashion model
with industry clout.

2
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,280
If I can't model
for my own fashion label,

3
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,240
who the fuck else
is gonna hire me?

4
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,840
We're home. Guess who's our
motherfucking brand ambassador.

5
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,240
GIRL: Brand ambassador?
Ah, yeah, brand ambassador.

6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,120
We can't change human history.

7
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,080
You've been acting
a bit weird lately.

8
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,960
I just need you on my team, man.

9
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,840
I'm gonna need you to stay back
and clean up this whole Hitler mess.

10
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,320
Just wanna say thanks.
It's what friends are for, man.

11
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,920
If Australians roll out fizzy milk
before we can,

12
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,240
New Zealand will no longer
be seen at the forefront

13
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,720
of dairy product innovation
and dairy development technology.

14
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,200
Fizzy milk will make milk fun again.

15
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,960
Hand over the fizzy milk.
You Kiwi bastard!

16
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,080
(Gunshots)
(Gasps)

17
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,600
Man, how cute is it?

18
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,680
What does it even do?

19
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,160
Like, what are you good for?

20
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,360
It can't do anything except be cute.

21
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,360
Cuteness is its only way
of getting through life.

22
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,600
It has no other defence.

23
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:14,080
That's the worst defence ever.
How are you even alive?

24
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,360
Totally.

25
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,080
The same cuteness that
makes me wanna care for it

26
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,120
also makes me wanna eat it.

27
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,720
I wanna eat you!

28
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,920
Fully.

29
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,080
Oh, man, that was crazy good.

30
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,440
(Groans) I immediately regret
eating that.

31
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,920
Are you serious?
I could go another one.

32
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:45,560
# We've lived a thousand lives
together

33
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:50,120
# And we'll be best friends forever

34
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,560
# In a mostly platonic sense

35
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:59,040
# This is a love that never ends

36
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,920
# Never ends, never ends

37
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:09,680
♪ This is a love that never ends. ♪

38
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,040
I've completed the scientific
analysis of the fizzy milk sample.

39
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,320
And?
It's delicious.

40
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,200
God help us all.

41
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,800
Would you like a wee sip, Roger?
Yeah.

42
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,640
Careful. Maoris and curious
new substances don't mix well.

43
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,520
That's racist.
No, it's not.

44
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,320
Yeah, it's racist against Maoris.
Steady on there, Roger.

45
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,720
If Thinge was racist against Maoris,
he wouldn't be dating your mother.

46
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,200
Well, he's not, is he?

47
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,880
Roger... your mother and I
are jousting.

48
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,600
(Sighs) That's enough. Can we
proceed with the task at hand?

49
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,560
Roger, your mission,
should you choose to accept it,

50
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,000
is to take out Des Hodgkins
and dis...

51
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,920
I don't accept it.
You have to accept it.

52
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,920
To be fair, Mum, you did ask
whether or not...

53
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,520
Shut up, Thinge, you're supposed
to be my best friend, not my dad!

54
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,240
Get it together, Roger!
Jesus Christ!

55
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,160
I quit! I quit the Kiwi Assassins!
(Door slams shut)

56
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,520
LEE LIN CHIN: This news break
is brought to you by Pokey Dog.

57
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:30,040
Pokey Dog, your dog in a bowl.
Let it out or not at all.

58
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,280
Pokey Dog. Pokey Dog fighting
is strictly forbidden.

59
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,880
Welcome to Travel Time Time travel.
How can I help you?

60
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,280
We thought we'd take a hiking trip
to the Garden of Eden.

61
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,840
You guys are creationists?

62
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,320
Mm-hmm.

63
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,960
Um, just that you've come
into a time-travel agency

64
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,440
and we've got time machines.

65
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:55,160
Uh, I mean, we've got,
um, dinosaur safaris

66
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,560
and, um, we can introduce you
to the missing link.

67
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,360
Every New Years we send a bunch
of people back to the Big Bang.

68
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,560
It's like a... party... thing.

69
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,360
What Dave's saying
is that Eden is symbolic

70
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,520
and representative
of the Eden in our hearts.

71
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,560
No, it's an actual place.
(Scoffs)

72
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,720
Um, look if you guys wanna
take a trip to another reality,

73
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,760
there's a Happy High Heroin
two doors down

74
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,520
and they've got some pretty good
shit.

75
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,800
Dave... quick word.
Mm-hmm. Back in a sec.

76
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,360
Listen, Dave, you can't go imposing
your beliefs on other people.

77
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,600
Yeah, but it's not a belief -
it's a reality.

78
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,160
No, it's the belief that
reality is all there is.

79
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,040
Something doesn't have to exist
to be wonderful.

80
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,880
Like Rob's wife.
Heather?

81
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,120
Yeah, the Heathernet.

82
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,600
You knew, right?
I mean, he sleeps in his office.

83
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,320
Heather's a fucking program?

84
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,200
Time violation.
Engage crisis-management protocol.

85
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,120
Um, Dave...

86
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,200
Help, mate.

87
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,440
Oh. What a day.

88
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,520
Geez, everything just smells better
when you're a brand ambassador.

89
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,440
Have you thought about
getting charities

90
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,040
involved in the fashion launch?

91
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,120
Agh, you're so 22.
Um, it's not a...

92
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,320
I dunno, I just thought
it might be good to help

93
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,960
to raise awareness
for depression or something.

94
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,800
Kelly, there's nothing that we
or anyone else can do

95
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,280
for people with depression.

96
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,240
Life is depressing.

97
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,680
Isn't that, like, the whole point
of organisations like...

98
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:28,840
Kelly... OK, we are all just amoebas
floating in an infinite universe

99
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,280
and nothing really means anything.

100
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,400
Depression is just self-centred
people waking up to the fact that

101
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,880
their lives don't actually matter.

102
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,120
I'm sorry.

103
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:46,680
Um... Kelly... That's heavy, man.

104
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,120
What's Kelly's problem?
Kelly's got depression.

105
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,520
Yeah, well, I'd be depressed too
if I were Kelly.

106
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,520
Can you just take it a little easy
on Kelly?

107
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,080
I actually really...
have some feelings for her.

108
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,960
I don't know if I told you this,

109
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,720
but I deactivated
my Tinder account for her.

110
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,840
I didn't realise it was so serious
between you two.

111
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,240
Yeah.

112
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,080
I'm sorry, Dom.

113
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,960
I'm just having, like,
15 coffees a day

114
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,240
and it feels like you're out all
the time and I'm doing all the work.

115
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,560
Well... not all the work.

116
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,160
The Dominator's got a little
something cooking in the kitchen.

117
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,320
I give you the Vacpack.

118
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,400
It's a vacuum-style backpack
with a hard plastic shell.

119
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,600
You don't even need to bend down
to pick up shit

120
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,600
'cause you can suck it up
with this bit here.

121
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,600
(Vacuum cleaner hisses)

122
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,960
So it's just a vacuum?

123
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:47,280
Exactly, man. It's next-level
normcore. Fashionable whitegoods.

124
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,520
I don't get it.

125
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,880
Like, I know how a vacuum cleaner
works, but that's not fashion

126
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,880
and it's not on brand.

127
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,040
Yeah, thanks, real constructive
feedback, you fucking jerk.

128
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,200
I'm sorry, Dom,
what was I supposed to say?

129
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,880
I dunno, how about,

130
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,880
'Well done, Dom,
that was fucking awesome.'

131
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,960
Do you have any idea how much work
I put into my concepts?

132
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,600
Because you've shown me a vacuum,
you call it fashion,

133
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,680
and you expect me
to give you an accolade.

134
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:16,920
Fucking whatever.

135
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,280
Sorry, Dom, but I can't see
how you can be mad.

136
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,680
I can see that no work went
into this.

137
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,480
This is bullshit -
you just like your own ideas.

138
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,880
No, no, Dom, I don't.
But I don't like not-ideas.

139
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,200
How's that not an idea?
I've got a whole range.

140
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:35,960
I've got the dust-buster bumbag, the
inner-lining beanie, the pipe belt.

141
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,840
OK. Do you have any ideas
that aren't vacuum-related?

142
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,120
Fuck this, man. I don't have
to explain my creativity to anyone.

143
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,320
Dom, where are you going?
You're not my fucking...

144
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,960
Dom, where are you going?

145
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,240
Forget it. I'm not coming back.

146
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,840
What else you gonna do, Blade?
Learn to type?

147
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,520
I dunno, might try scaffolding
or removals or some shit.

148
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,960
Hey, bro,
you guys looking for a bouncer?

149
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,720
Nuh. But I can take your resume
and shove it up your arse.

150
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,800
Here's my resume.
Hey, hey, hey! Easy there.

151
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,400
He's alright.

152
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,520
That's your second strike,
OK, Roger?

153
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,760
Give you a second strike.

154
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,600
You're a real loose cannon,
you know that, Roger?

155
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,400
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

156
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,840
(Cows mooing)

157
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,400
Don't worry about a thing, Des.
I'm not going anywhere.

158
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,320
Try and get some shut-eye, mate.
Thanks, Harvey.

159
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,360
Thanks for everything.
No worries.

160
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,760
Target acquired.

161
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,160
(Motor whirrs)

162
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,200
Spotlight.
(Gasps)

163
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,440
(Yawns) 'Morning.

164
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,000
'Morning, mate.

165
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,360
(Yawns) Might go rustle up
a couple of cheeky babies.

166
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,800
But we had babies for
lunch and dinner yesterday.

167
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,840
Well, yeah, 'course we did.

168
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,680
Maybe I can make us a salad.

169
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,160
Nah, I've already thought of baby -
I can't not have baby.

170
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,880
Babies aren't really a breakfast food
though, are they?

171
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,880
Well, nothing's a breakfast food
till you have it for breakfast.

172
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,320
You want one or not?
Nah, nah.

173
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,280
Oh, I'll have some of yours.

174
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,600
I'll get you one. I'll get you one.

175
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:50,760
OK.

176
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,160
I'm sorry,
there's just nothing I can do.

177
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,680
We're gonna have to relocate you
back to your own time.

178
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,200
She can't go back.

179
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,200
Dave, if her parents find out,
they'll kill her.

180
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,680
Find out what?

181
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,200
She's pregnant.
I messed up.

182
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,120
Tyrian, you haven't been taking
birth-control pills?

183
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,440
I missed a few days. You know me,
that shit makes me bloated.

184
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,840
Fuck. Can she claim time asylum?

185
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,000
Technically, yes,

186
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,920
but you'd have to be relocated
to the post-apocalyptic future

187
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,360
where you'd have to go on
a waiting list to be processed...

188
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,440
into a protein shake.

189
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,200
Oh, OK, so that's not an option.

190
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,680
Technically it is an option.
No, that's not an option.

191
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,240
Dave, I'm trying to ideate here,
and you're blocking me.

192
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,160
You know who'll knock this
out of the park?

193
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,240
If you can't help us,
we'll take our business elsewhere.

194
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,240
Oh, no, Eden's real -

195
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,520
it's just so amazing
that it's important

196
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,920
that we conserve it
by not going there,

197
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,240
so that future generations
can have the opportunity

198
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,160
to not go there... as well.

199
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,040
Trix to Roboss's.
I repeat, Trix to Roboss's office.

200
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:08,040
Uh, Gulliver, cover me.
How can I help you?

201
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,480
Fucking Eastgardens?

202
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,560
# ELECTRONIC MUSIC

203
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,280
# MOURNFUL STRINGS

204
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,680
What's your problem? We eat goats.
Goats are way smarter than babies.

205
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,280
Babies are people, though.

206
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,280
They're not people.
People have knuckles.

207
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,760
But babies grow up to become people.

208
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,280
Not the ones we eat.

209
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,320
(Sighs) Rocky, I just...

210
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,120
I don't think
we should be eating babies, man.

211
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,920
Then why would they
be soft and eating-sized?

212
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,920
I don't know.

213
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:53,680
OK, so we shouldn't eat babies
because babies make us laugh.

214
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,680
So that's a con for eating babies.

215
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,720
Hmm. Yeah, but they cry
all the time.

216
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,200
Fair enough.

217
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:06,200
And babies are lazy.
Babies literally do nothing.

218
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,840
But I can't sleep anymore.

219
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,440
Mm-hmm.

220
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,600
Um, a snake told me I'm immortal.

221
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,040
I'm dead on the inside.

222
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,960
Is that a con or...?

223
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,320
I can move things with my mind.

224
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,320
That's a... that's a pro.

225
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,160
Yep.

226
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,800
Are we gonna have a break for dinner
or...?

227
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,840
Rocky, it's obviously that we're both
feeling bad about eating babies.

228
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,920
I mean, you think
you can speak to snakes.

229
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,000
You think you can move things
with your mind.

230
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,400
Do you know what that's called?
That's guilt, Rocky.

231
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,360
Guilt. And you are guilty.

232
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,960
Or maybe it's just that some things

233
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,000
that are bad for you
are good for me.

234
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,760
You're bad for me.

235
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,760
(Sighs)

236
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,920
(Sighs) It's called guilt.

237
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,600
(Ghostly whispering)

238
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,160
I love guilt.

239
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,520
Having second thoughts
about that abortion?

240
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,520
Science says that rearing children

241
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,360
is the hardest and most ecological
burdensome misadventure

242
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:39,960
you can embark on.

243
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,080
Draconian laws of the past
restricted abortion

244
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,040
to the first and second trimester.

245
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,040
But the modern woman
can enjoy the freedom

246
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,720
to abort her child her child right
up until her or his 13th birthday.

247
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,800
(Sniffs and exhales)

248
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,760
Fit your child with
an abortion collar today.

249
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,760
Remotely controlled,
it's a great tool for discipline

250
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,560
and a proven motivator
for study and sports.

251
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,880
With so many options
available today,

252
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,000
abortion has never been
such an easy way out.

253
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,240
(Plays bum note, electronic bleeping)

254
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,440
(Explosion)

255
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,160
This is a maternity leave
prevention kit.

256
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:24,080
And these pills
will unburden your womb.

257
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,760
Is bad.

258
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,160
No, times have changed, Mary.

259
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,880
Every woman has the right
to choose the right choice.

260
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,960
Choose the right choice, Mary.

261
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,280
Be alright.
Trix knows what she's doing.

262
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,480
So, how are things otherwise,
Tyrian?

263
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,680
Did you have a good time in Syria?
No, it was pretty boring.

264
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,920
Decided to go trekking over Judea.

265
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,120
Fair.
Where did you meet Mary?

266
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,840
I met Mary
at a bush doof in Nazareth.

267
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,680
In zero BC?
Yeah.

268
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,360
Shit!
Mary, Mary, don't take the pills!

269
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,680
ROBOSS: Dave, what are you doing?
Mary... from Nazareth.

270
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,520
And?

271
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,520
Jesus was black.
Holy Mary. Mother of God.

272
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,320
I swear literally every chick
in Australia's a ten out of ten.

273
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,040
The thing about Australian girls,
Rodge,

274
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,240
at first they won't give you
so much as a look,

275
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,760
but if you buy them four drinks,

276
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,240
they'll have sex with you
immediately.

277
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,320
Four Southern and cokes thanks, bro.

278
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,160
No worries, mate.
That'll be eight bucks.

279
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,360
You son of a bitch!
Whoa.

280
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,280
Hey! That's strike three.

281
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:37,040
Well, well, well.
Looks like it's my birthday.

282
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,120
(Knuckles crack)

283
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,600
Listen, mate, if I had a penny

284
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,480
for every time you wear
those stupid pants,

285
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,520
and then he shouted 'Four!'...

286
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,720
(All laugh)
WOMAN: I don't get it.

287
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,720
Hey, look, why don't you girls
go find a spot,

288
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,200
I'll be over in a minute, eh?

289
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,960
Thanks for having my back in there.

290
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,440
Sure.

291
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,520
I could've used my kung-fu in there,
make no mistake about that.

292
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,520
But sometimes you gotta let a man
make his own mistakes.

293
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,000
Stop saying 'mistake'.

294
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,000
I'm not a mistake.

295
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,280
Your mum can be pretty tough on you,
eh, Roger?

296
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,800
She forgets. Chooses to forget.

297
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,400
It was 1959.

298
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,760
I was a gung-ho young scientist

299
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,040
at the New Zealand
Ministry of Defence.

300
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,400
It was an idea I had to genetically
engineer the perfect soldier.

301
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,880
Refine the smartest genes the agency
had to offer - mine, obviously.

302
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,240
And the toughest. Your mum's.

303
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,240
So that's what we did. Sexually.

304
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,000
They called it
Operation Loose Cannon.

305
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,040
So you see, Roger,
you're not a mistake.

306
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,440
Even your mistakes are not mistakes.

307
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,120
Your unpredictability... is the
one thing we can always count on.

308
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,800
So you mean, you're my dad?

309
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,200
Let's go meet these girls, eh?

310
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:30,320
That'd be nice. I'd like that... Dad.

311
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:38,840
(Shivers) It's chilly out there,
man.

312
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,280
Hm.

313
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:45,000
Where have you been?
(Sighs) Just been out drinking.

314
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,760
'Out drinking'.
Where were you out drinking, Dom?

315
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,920
Um, just tried out this new joint.
It's called The Dusty Beaver.

316
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:57,040
Are you sure it wasn't called...
The Vacuum Guys?

317
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,560
(Thunderclap)

318
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,440
What's The Vacuum Guys?

319
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,480
'What's The Vacuum Guys?'

320
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,560
Well, put it this way, Dom...

321
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,840
I would rather be playing Uno
with Kyle and Jackie O,

322
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,600
watching MasterChef in Starbucks,

323
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,080
than even set foot
inside The Vacuum Guys.

324
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:17,920
OK.

325
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,720
It's the kind of place that if,
for example,

326
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,160
a brand ambassador
happened to be working there

327
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,200
and if anyone from the industry
were to find out,

328
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,760
not only would they be ruined,

329
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:35,040
but any person and/or brand
that they were affiliated with.

330
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,240
That... is The Vacuum Guys.

331
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,080
(Thunderclap)

332
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,680
OK. Who the fuck
would wanna drink there?

333
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,680
See...

334
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,880
..I would understand JB Hi-Fi,
I would understand Harvey Norman,

335
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,480
but The Vacuum Guys?

336
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,600
I don't need this shit, OK?
'Cause I've got Kelly.

337
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,560
And Kelly loves me.
Kelly believes in me.

338
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,480
Oh, she believes in you, does she?
She does actually, yeah.

339
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,160
Kelly believes in me enough that she
was kind enough to enter me

340
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,640
in Cleo Bachelor of the Year.

341
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,120
Unlike my best friend.

342
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,600
Kelly gave Sonny Bill Minichiello

343
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,680
a handjob
in the bathrooms at Icebergs.

344
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,000
I don't give a shit what Kelly did
with what fashion designer.

345
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,080
You know why?
'Cause Kelly's a free spirit.

346
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,040
That's what I like about her.
He's a rugby league player.

347
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,040
A rugby league player!

348
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,880
Get the fuck out of my house!

349
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,360
Yeah, you know what? I will.

350
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,640
Good.
Fine.

351
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,640
Go. I'm going.
Good. I've gone.

352
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,680
Fuck off!
I don't care, I'm taking my designs.

353
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,200
Take 'em. You know why?
They're shit.

354
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,720
That's actually a high compliment

355
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,200
coming from a skinny, skinny-legged
vacuum cleaner salesman!

356
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,400
At least I can get into
skinny-legged jeans,

357
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,400
you fat-arsed ex-Cranbrook boy.

358
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,480
At least my uncle didn't touch me
on the ding-a-ling when I was a kid.

359
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,280
Oh, yeah?
At least I don't have a ranga beard.

360
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,240
Dom... So mean.

361
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,880
Wait, man. Wait.
(Pouring rain outside)

362
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,360
Uh...

363
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,760
..we got rent due tomorrow.

364
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,080
That's... that's the thing.

365
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,240
I hate you more than my dad.

366
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,880
Rent's a thing,
it's not just gonna go away.

367
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,840
It's not like it's gonna
vanish into thin air.

368
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,040
I still gotta pay money
and go to fucking LJ Hooker,

369
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,000
and those cunts are gonna fucking
put another letter

370
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,480
under my door if I don't.

371
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,560
So what if Kelly loves me?
I love Kelly too.

372
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,280
(Mutter indistinctly)

373
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,960
(Mumbles in sleep)

374
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,280
(Whimpers)

375
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,400
(Screams)
(Gasps)

376
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,360
Any last words before
I put you out to pasture?

377
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,600
(Thunderclap)

378
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,480
Whatever Riesling's paying you,
I'll double it.

379
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:00,120
Who's Riesling?

380
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,040
Are you gonna talk?

381
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,680
(Thunderclap)

382
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,040
Or am I gonna have to milk you
for information?

383
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,920
He had all the equations worked out.

384
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,080
But Quade Riesling didn't know
a Guernsey from a Holstein-Fresian.

385
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,120
And that's where you came in?

386
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,160
Yeah, but still...
(Cow moos)

387
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,040
..we couldn't get the taste right,

388
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,400
so Riesling pulled out
and cut funds.

389
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,840
Just when I finally nailed the mix.

390
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,440
But Riesling wanted a cut, I presume?

391
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,800
And more than his fair share.

392
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,880
And when I said 'no',
he tried to steal it back.

393
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,160
I've never trusted a Kiwi since.

394
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,520
Quade Riesling is a Kiwi?

395
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,840
Come on, Roger,
water's beautiful this time of year.

396
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,680
Hell, beautiful all year.
(Women squeal)

397
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,160
What about the sharks, Dad?

398
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,920
You know what the world's
most dangerous creature is, son?

399
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,040
It's you. It's man.

400
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,560
Come on, mate, I'll race ya.
Wait for me, Dad.

401
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,160
(Squealing)

402
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,600
Whoo!

403
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,920
VOICE-OVER: Breast milk.
Because milking cows is fucked.

404
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,240
Dave, you need to fix this.

405
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,040
You need to stop
talking to me like that,

406
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,040
'cause I sent him to Syria, I can't
tell him where to point his noodle.

407
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,840
Resolve!
I'm trying. OK?

408
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,880
That's not helping.
Resolve!

409
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,040
System overload.

410
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,680
Alright, we need to tell Mary
the baby's from God.

411
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,160
I don't wanna be God.

412
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,280
Look, Mary's from zero BC -
she'll believe anything. Check this.

413
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,840
Are you an angel?

414
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,720
Yes. (Chuckles) Mary, I'm an angel.

415
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,280
And I need you to do everything I
say.

416
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,680
(Short circuiting)
What's wrong with that angel?

417
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,600
1-4-7-5.

418
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,720
OK, we've got a defibrillator
for a guy named Lazarus,

419
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,160
ordered a wine-converter
for the wedding at Canaan.

420
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,560
Mushrooms, acid, ayahuasca -
that'll keep them entertained.

421
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,320
Good. Um, and we just need
Tyrian's shoes.

422
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,800
Are you serious?
Yep.

423
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,120
These are my Nike Air Water Walkies.

424
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,400
One!
(Shrieks)

425
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,320
So, remember,
when your son's old enough,

426
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,200
we need you to tell him
that, around his 30s,

427
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,440
one of his best friends, Judas,
will betray him,

428
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,680
another friend, Peter,
is gonna dog him,

429
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,240
a rooster will crow three times
and he'll be crucified.

430
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,240
It's all in here, Mary, OK?
ROBOSS: Resolve!

431
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,360
They'll put his body inside a tomb
and we need you to steal the body.

432
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,960
Um, just wanna confirm
before we send you on your way

433
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,440
that you're perfectly OK
with stealing your dead son's body?

434
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,240
Resolve situation.

435
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,480
Resolve.

436
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,840
Um...

437
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,320
ROBOSS: Dave!

438
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,320
Do you reckon we could have a little
word in the office please, mate?

439
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,000
Yep.

440
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,560
Like, what's the point
of even going to Kaja

441
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,560
just to hang out with other
Australians the whole time?

442
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,080
Fully.

443
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,840
So I wandered off and ended meeting
with these two crazy Latino dudes,

444
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,640
and we spent the rest of the weekend

445
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,720
just doing lines
with Kendrick Lamar.

446
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,520
That's crazy.
Crazy.

447
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,520
I can't wait to go to Burning Man
next year.

448
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,200
Yeah. That's... that's crazy.
You should move in.

449
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,680
What?

450
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,320
I don't know,
might be nice to take on

451
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,080
a shared rental commitment
or something.

452
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,120
You're joking, right?

453
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,640
(Both chuckle)

454
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,960
That's The Dominator.
(Chuckles)

455
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,680
Fuck, that'd be so weird if you
asked me to move in already.

456
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,800
(Chuckles)
Yeah.

457
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,560
It's just a joke. So stoned.
(Giggles)

458
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,120
Are you gonna stay over tonight?

459
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,680
Uh, yeah, probably.
Cool.

460
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,600
Um, do you think you could pay
one night's rent?

461
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,480
Just hit that shit.
Thanks.

462
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,640
Oh, Kelly.

463
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,920
Did you have another fight
with Dominic?

464
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,840
No.
Really?

465
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,160
There's some breakfast on the table.
OK.

466
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:40,200
You know, take a shower
and clean yourself up.

467
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,120
(Shivers)
Good to see you.

468
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:44,600
(Sighs) Thanks, Dad.

469
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,600
You're a spring chicken here.

470
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,640
(Cow moos)

471
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,840
Time just goes so fast, doesn't it?

472
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:02,600
I like you, Des. Do you know that?

473
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,240
But you've committed some
unforgivable sins against dairy.

474
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,720
Whether or not
it was your intention,

475
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:15,360
you have put into jeopardy
that which I hold most dear.

476
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,600
New Zealand.

477
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,360
Say those words with me.
Those two words.

478
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,920
BOTH: New Zealand.
Yeah.

479
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,640
You Australians have
no discernible culture.

480
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,880
But us Kiwis
have a rich tradition in dairy.

481
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,880
One which you
so callously disrespected

482
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:39,720
the day you tried
to put bubbles in milk.

483
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,840
Carbonating dairy.

484
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,240
It's psychotic.

485
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,200
Do you know why I'm here, Des?

486
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,320
You're not gonna kill me, are you?

487
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,720
No. Not you.

488
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,120
Just all those you hold dear.

489
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,320
(Handgun cocks)

490
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,200
(Cows mooing)

491
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,160
(Gunshot, thud)
(Whimpers)

492
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,600
(Cow moos, gunshot, thud)

493
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,600
(Gunshot, thud)

494
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,160
(Whimpers)

495
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,760
(Gunshot, thud)

496
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,320
(Cow moos, gunshot, thud)
(Sobs)

497
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,960
(Gunshot, thud)

498
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,640
(Weeps)
No use crying over spilt milk.

499
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,120
(Rooster crows)

500
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,600
(Rope creaks)

501
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,680
What a night, eh?
Yeah.

502
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,760
You know, I've got a few things
on the go here, son.

503
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,120
Wouldn't mind having you involved
in the family business.

504
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,960
What business is that?

505
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:13,960
I call it dairy with a difference.

506
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,840
Go on, have a sip.

507
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,640
Flip! How good's that?

508
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,600
(Chuckles) Not bad at all, eh, son?

509
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,640
Not bad at all.

510
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,480
Captions by CSI Australia