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[The Donnas' Dirty Denim playing]
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00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,629
♪ Baby, please, you must
be out of your mind ♪
3
00:00:10,098 --> 00:00:15,836
♪ Do I look like I
want your dirty denim? ♪
4
00:00:15,871 --> 00:00:19,173
♪ Listen up, I'm only
saying this one more time ♪
5
00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:21,342
- ♪ One more time ♪
- ah!
6
00:00:21,376 --> 00:00:25,346
♪ Can you hear me say I
don't want your dirty denim? ♪
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00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:27,148
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
8
00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:29,050
♪ Denim ♪
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00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:32,019
♪ Dirty denim ♪
10
00:00:32,054 --> 00:00:35,423
♪ Dirty denim ♪
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What are you doing?
12
00:00:37,926 --> 00:00:40,695
Uh, well, certain financial realities
13
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are starting to settle in,
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so I am making some serious
lifestyle changes here.
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Usually I spend about 300 bucks a pop
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on pre-distressed denim,
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but I can easily just do
it myself, as you can see.
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Wait, you spend $300 on destroyed jeans?
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Not destroyed. You know what?
20
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I'm not gonna even explain to you
21
00:00:59,381 --> 00:01:01,082
the subtleties of urban fashion.
22
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And oh, my God.
23
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Are you going to pick your son from school,
24
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:08,556
or are you performing
in a slutty nutcracker?
25
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,992
I don't know what you're...
what does that mean?
26
00:01:11,026 --> 00:01:16,464
If I were trying to look a bit alluring,
27
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would this be a good look, would it?
28
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I know what's going on.
29
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♪ You like a boy ♪
30
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Oh, don't be ridiculous.
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I bet it's that frilly teacher of Marcus'
32
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who was all up in your pantaloons
33
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at Marcus' play.
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Am I right? Am I right?
35
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,547
- Am I right?
- Oh, God, yes, you're right.
36
00:01:33,582 --> 00:01:34,649
Good for you.
37
00:01:34,683 --> 00:01:36,584
Put it out there, you little strumpet.
38
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I have been putting it out
there ever since we kissed.
39
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You guys have kissed? Eww!
40
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God, you're so annoying.
41
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Why don't you just ask him out?
42
00:01:44,693 --> 00:01:45,760
I can't do that.
43
00:01:45,794 --> 00:01:47,395
I can't ask him out. I'm a girl.
44
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I think it's sexy when a girl asks me out.
45
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It means she's confident.
46
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Well, okay. I can be confident.
47
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- Yeah, you can.
- Yeah, I can...
48
00:01:54,336 --> 00:01:57,905
- I can go for what I want.
- You can go for what you want.
49
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I can exude a luscious, sexual energy
50
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:02,877
no man can resist.
51
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That is so gross. We are done here.
52
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Here we go.
53
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[Brett Dennen's Comeback
Kid (That's my dog)]
54
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♪ Well, maybe it's the common curse ♪
55
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♪ Maybe things get bad
before they get worse ♪
56
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♪ I don't want to become someone ♪
57
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♪ Who can't live up to
what I already done, don't ♪
58
00:02:22,598 --> 00:02:24,132
♪ Here comes a comeback ♪
59
00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:26,834
♪ The kid is back, is back on track ♪
60
00:02:26,869 --> 00:02:29,837
♪ And there goes my hero ♪
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♪ He's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and ♪
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[Cheers and applause]
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I'd say if you want to focus
on the other two paragraphs,
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probably be a good bet, okay?
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- Good job.
- Chris.
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- Fiona, hi.
- Hi.
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I was wondering if you'd like
to go out with me sometime.
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Oh, I...
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Oh, no, of course you don't. No, it's fine.
70
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It's fine, it's fine.
Of course, I understand.
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Obviously a man, if he
wants to ask a woman out,
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he asks her out,
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so I'm terribly sorry for putting you
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00:03:00,269 --> 00:03:01,302
in this awkward position,
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and thanks for letting me down gently.
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00:03:03,238 --> 00:03:06,240
- Good day.
- Fiona.
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I have wanted to ask you
out ever since we kissed.
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I've been reticent to do
so because I don't want
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to overstep my bounds, being
Marcus' teacher and all.
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- You did want to ask me out?
- Yes, very, very much.
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00:03:19,154 --> 00:03:20,955
- Okay.
- Okay.
82
00:03:20,989 --> 00:03:22,723
But since you asked me
out, I'm stepping up.
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I'm planning everything.
Are you free tomorrow night?
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Tomorrow? Um...
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[Cries] Yes, tomorrow.
86
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Are you okay?
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00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,634
No, I just have to go
and see someone about...
88
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this thing keeps happening with my eyes.
89
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It's wet eye syndrome.
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I'm sorry.
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[Cries]
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[Car lock beeps]
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[The Cars' Moving in Stereo playing]
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♪ Life's the same,
I'm moving in stereo ♪
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♪ Life's the same except for my shoes ♪
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♪ Life's the same ♪
97
00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:08,236
♪ You're shaking like tremolo ♪
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00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:09,270
♪ Life's the same ♪
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♪ It's all inside you ♪
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Dakota. Hey.
101
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Just giving the old
bimmer a little bath there.
102
00:04:16,045 --> 00:04:17,779
- Yeah.
- Oh, shirt got a little wet.
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- Whoopsie.
- I see that.
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Fiona's just waiting for me to do yoga,
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so, namaste.
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Hey, a little bit piece
of trivia crossed my mind.
107
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Your year of abstinence,
that's coming to end
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right about now, isn't it?
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Not that I had a Google
calendar alert set or anything.
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- Yeah, thank you.
- Yeah.
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My nomadic year just ended,
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and I feel really good about it,
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like I finally understand
my true worth as a woman.
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That's awesome.
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I'd really love to hear more about that.
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Do you want to come over tomorrow night?
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I want to be wooed, Will.
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Well, I'm the master of woo.
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You've never even asked
me out on a real date.
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- That can't be right.
- That is exactly right.
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Okay, well, then fair enough.
122
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Listen, I'm gonna upgrade our booty call
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to a woo-Ty call.
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What?
125
00:05:02,157 --> 00:05:04,492
I was combining the
booty with... never mind.
126
00:05:04,526 --> 00:05:07,295
Tomorrow night, you are coming over,
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and I am going to woo
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the crap out of you.
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Fine, you get one night.
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Stop looking at my butt.
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Okay.
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- You cried?
- Yeah.
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See, I don't understand.
134
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If he said yes, why were you crying?
135
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I don't know.
136
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It's been a long time
since a man looked at me
137
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the way he looks at me
or planned a date for me.
138
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He makes me so nervous,
139
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I'm gonna do something mortifying
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and tank this date.
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No.
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Unless you come with me.
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00:05:49,905 --> 00:05:51,038
Yeah, that way, you know,
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if I'm gonna do something mortifying,
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like blubbering, you could stop me.
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Of course, of course. When's your date?
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- Tomorrow night.
- Pardon the intrusion.
148
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But I just wanted to
give you a little pre-woo
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00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:06,020
of the woo-nami coming
your way tomor-woo night.
150
00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:07,655
Did you say tomorrow night?
151
00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:08,890
No, I said tomor-woo night.
152
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I'm adding "woo" to stuff.
153
00:06:10,025 --> 00:06:12,593
It's really not that charming at all.
154
00:06:12,628 --> 00:06:14,896
We're all going on a
double date tomorrow night.
155
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Isn't that gonna be so fun?
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[Whispering] So fun.
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We are not going on a double date.
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That beautiful woman
has spent an entire year
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coiling herself into a tight spring
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of sexual frustration,
161
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and I will be damned
if I let some other dude
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bounce her first.
163
00:06:32,076 --> 00:06:33,610
- Reschedule right now.
- No!
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00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:35,812
Chris has already planned
a beautiful evening.
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It's a hike to a picnic.
166
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,983
Oh, a hike a picnic!
167
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All right, look, we're both adults here.
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00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:44,888
This is ridiculous. We
can coexist on a date.
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00:06:44,922 --> 00:06:47,891
- We just need ground rules.
- Okay, fine.
170
00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:50,693
If I'm making a move on
Dakota, you stay out of my way.
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00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:51,761
Got it.
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00:06:51,795 --> 00:06:53,163
Rule, Don't make fun of my clothes.
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00:06:53,197 --> 00:06:55,031
Don't comment on my game with Dakota.
174
00:06:55,065 --> 00:06:56,299
Don't make fun of my hair.
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Once you're all comfortable with Chris,
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00:06:58,035 --> 00:06:59,402
you cut Dakota and I loose.
177
00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,171
Don't make fun of my jewelry.
178
00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:02,872
Blanket rule, I won't make fun of you.
179
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:06,109
Okay, good.
180
00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:09,512
Okay, those earrings look
like creepy, tiny, weird hands.
181
00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:12,115
You're basically a vapid walking haircut.
182
00:07:12,149 --> 00:07:13,616
I just had to get that out of my system.
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00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:15,685
Yeah, me too.
184
00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:19,889
Hey.
185
00:07:19,924 --> 00:07:22,125
Look at this. Better call the booty police.
186
00:07:22,159 --> 00:07:23,326
- Don't.
- Got to say,
187
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,195
this pregnancy, it's really filling you out
188
00:07:25,229 --> 00:07:26,195
in all the right places.
189
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:29,399
- Hello, Andy.
- Marcus.
190
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,134
Kind of let me get a
little more of that out
191
00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:32,635
than you probably should have.
192
00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:34,270
Yeah, it was uncomfortable for me too.
193
00:07:34,305 --> 00:07:35,772
- What's he doing here?
- Fiona's busy.
194
00:07:35,806 --> 00:07:37,807
So I said Marcus could spend
the evening here with us.
195
00:07:37,842 --> 00:07:39,008
Well, a heads up would be nice.
196
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,610
Ha, it's gonna be great.
197
00:07:40,644 --> 00:07:42,412
- It's been too long, buddy.
- What do you mean?
198
00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:44,681
- I saw you yesterday.
- You did?
199
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,549
When you says "see," he means "see"
200
00:07:46,584 --> 00:07:48,251
in, like, a broader sense,
201
00:07:48,285 --> 00:07:50,019
so like, "I see a vision of world peace."
202
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:51,154
That's what he means.
203
00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:52,589
No, I mean I saw you yesterday,
204
00:07:52,623 --> 00:07:54,357
'cause you were playing
video games with Will.
205
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,692
Remember?
206
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,660
You kept screaming, "I am
the lord of hand grenades!"
207
00:07:57,695 --> 00:08:00,196
You were supposed to be
minivan shopping yesterday.
208
00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:02,098
I was minivan shopping yesterday.
209
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:03,333
I was doing research.
210
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:05,001
Ooh, that was a major DTL, wasn't it?
211
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:07,136
- Marcus.
- What's a DTL?
212
00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:08,605
Well, DTL is "don't tell Laurie."
213
00:08:09,773 --> 00:08:11,474
Now that I hear it out loud,
214
00:08:11,508 --> 00:08:15,512
DTL itself may be a DTL.
215
00:08:15,546 --> 00:08:16,479
[Sighs]
216
00:08:16,513 --> 00:08:17,847
Was that only five miles?
217
00:08:17,881 --> 00:08:19,549
It seemed a lot shorter.
218
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,017
I saw a couple nice coyotes there.
219
00:08:21,051 --> 00:08:22,785
They looked friendly.
220
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:24,387
All right, who is ready for some bubbly?
221
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,922
Ooh, me.
222
00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:28,491
Let's see if I remember
how to do this correctly.
223
00:08:28,526 --> 00:08:30,793
One, two...
224
00:08:30,828 --> 00:08:32,028
- There we go.
- Ooh!
225
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:33,630
Okay.
226
00:08:34,832 --> 00:08:36,332
Do you always drink before you hike?
227
00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:38,034
Only on the special hikes.
228
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:39,702
- Thank you.
- There we are.
229
00:08:39,737 --> 00:08:41,738
Here's to a perfect date.
230
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,307
- Cheers!
- All: Cheers.
231
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:47,644
- That is delicious prosecco.
- Care for pro-seconds?
232
00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:50,313
[Both laugh]
233
00:08:50,347 --> 00:08:52,015
Look at that, they're
getting along great, right?
234
00:08:52,049 --> 00:08:53,616
They both have the same
terrible sense of humor.
235
00:08:53,651 --> 00:08:54,784
What do you say we bag the hike
236
00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:56,519
and go do our own romantic thing, right?
237
00:08:56,554 --> 00:08:58,655
You know, leave the two nerds
with their prosecco puns.
238
00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:01,224
Come on, it'll be fun. We
got me, you, the sunset.
239
00:09:01,258 --> 00:09:03,293
I have to check with Fiona, okay?
240
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:05,762
Will, help me gather some firewood?
241
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,330
So it looks like things are going great.
242
00:09:07,364 --> 00:09:09,933
Yeah, no, I-I think they are.
243
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,334
How about Will and I skip the hike
244
00:09:11,368 --> 00:09:12,969
and give you two some alone time?
245
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,272
Yeah, I think... I
think that would be okay.
246
00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:20,009
And the prosecco is really
taking the edge off my anxiety.
247
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:21,678
Oh, masking your feelings with alcohol.
248
00:09:21,712 --> 00:09:23,613
- I'm so proud of you. Cheers.
- Great.
249
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:26,382
Okay. Have a blast!
250
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,517
Okay. Oh, wait.
251
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:28,685
Just one big thing.
252
00:09:28,719 --> 00:09:30,220
If there's a lull in the conversation,
253
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:31,955
I'm good to get out the trusty uke, right?
254
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,123
No, you can't uke on a first date.
255
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:36,826
You can't uke on any date. Promise me.
256
00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,828
- I can't promise that.
- Please.
257
00:09:38,863 --> 00:09:41,798
All right, firewood.
258
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,767
Promise me.
259
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:45,635
Who is ready to get their hike on?
260
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,103
- Actually...
- um, we're gonna...
261
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:49,973
I'm ready for us... all
four of us to go hiking,
262
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,541
all four of us together.
263
00:09:51,575 --> 00:09:54,878
- Great.
- Okay, okay.
264
00:09:54,912 --> 00:09:56,212
She's got a ukulele in her bag.
265
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,747
- A ukulele, Will!
- So?
266
00:09:57,782 --> 00:09:59,649
She always has a uke.
267
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,985
You just broke the rule.
I was making a move.
268
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,953
What? I'm not ready to be left alone.
269
00:10:03,988 --> 00:10:05,655
My rule trumps your rule.
270
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,457
What are you... we never
talked about trumps.
271
00:10:07,491 --> 00:10:08,558
They're getting away!
272
00:10:08,592 --> 00:10:09,759
Why are you talking about trumping?
273
00:10:09,794 --> 00:10:12,128
Here, and I don't want
to hear any complaining.
274
00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:14,063
I get noodles and no sauce.
275
00:10:14,098 --> 00:10:15,965
I get plain sauce, no noodles.
276
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,600
I can't keep track of what you guys...
277
00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:18,902
honey, do you see what
they're doing right now?
278
00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:21,504
- [Kids whining]
- You know what?
279
00:10:21,539 --> 00:10:23,606
You'll have this one,
and you'll have this one,
280
00:10:23,641 --> 00:10:25,808
and everybody has what they want, right?
281
00:10:25,843 --> 00:10:28,044
Wow, Laurie, you're good with kids.
282
00:10:28,078 --> 00:10:29,179
A real natural.
283
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,847
Why is Andy the one who stays home?
284
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,183
Well, Marcus, Laurie loves her work.
285
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,751
That's why Andy stays at home.
286
00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:37,153
Okay, actually, it's not that simple.
287
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:39,389
I don't love working 60 hours a week
288
00:10:39,423 --> 00:10:40,890
and never seeing my kids.
289
00:10:40,925 --> 00:10:43,426
But you do love going to a quiet office
290
00:10:43,461 --> 00:10:44,494
every single day,
291
00:10:44,528 --> 00:10:45,862
where everyone wipes themselves.
292
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,397
- I know I would like that.
- It's true.
293
00:10:47,431 --> 00:10:50,233
I once heard Andy tell Will
that letting you have a career
294
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:52,769
was the toughest decision he ever made.
295
00:10:52,803 --> 00:10:55,839
- This guy.
- Oh, letting me have a career.
296
00:10:55,873 --> 00:10:57,107
Hey...
297
00:10:57,141 --> 00:10:58,408
Did Andy also tell Will
298
00:10:58,442 --> 00:11:01,711
that leaving my children
every day rips my heart out?
299
00:11:01,746 --> 00:11:04,013
The way I'm gonna rip
his heart out right now.
300
00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:08,618
[Laughs]
301
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:11,921
All right, guys. Careful.
302
00:11:11,956 --> 00:11:13,323
- Thank you.
- Sure.
303
00:11:13,357 --> 00:11:14,691
- Wow.
- All right.
304
00:11:14,725 --> 00:11:15,825
Hey! Dead end.
305
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,126
Let's head back, get some eats.
306
00:11:17,161 --> 00:11:18,595
You know, it doesn't look so bad.
307
00:11:18,629 --> 00:11:21,164
Let me just check this out. Be careful.
308
00:11:21,198 --> 00:11:24,267
- Here, milady.
- Ooh.
309
00:11:24,301 --> 00:11:25,702
- Grab hold. There you go.
- Ooh, thank you.
310
00:11:25,736 --> 00:11:29,072
- He is so chivalrous.
- He's a pun with a stick.
311
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,440
You can hold onto the stick the whole way.
312
00:11:30,474 --> 00:11:31,441
Okay.
313
00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:32,542
I'm gonna go first.
314
00:11:32,576 --> 00:11:35,211
A gentleman always goes first.
315
00:11:35,246 --> 00:11:37,714
- Here you go, man.
- I'm good.
316
00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:38,915
Are you sure?
317
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,517
Those dress shoes don't really look like
318
00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:41,685
they were made for hiking.
319
00:11:41,719 --> 00:11:43,353
I'll have you know these dress shoes
320
00:11:43,387 --> 00:11:45,522
are Italian designer Chukka Boots,
321
00:11:45,556 --> 00:11:48,358
and they are military-inspired, my friend.
322
00:11:48,392 --> 00:11:50,193
Military-in...
323
00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:51,494
[all shout, scream]
324
00:11:51,529 --> 00:11:53,863
[Groans]
325
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:01,468
This is a bit excessive, don't you think?
326
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,773
- I can walk.
- No need to be a hero, Will.
327
00:12:03,811 --> 00:12:05,545
You know, after university,
328
00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:08,215
I hiked the Great Lakes of kashmir,
329
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,917
and it was wonderful
up until the hookworms,
330
00:12:10,952 --> 00:12:12,786
and they're sneaky little
buggers... hookworms...
331
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,489
because I didn't notice how distended
332
00:12:15,523 --> 00:12:18,091
and bloated my abdomen had become
333
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:21,995
until you get the painful,
endless, bloody diarrhea...
334
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:24,264
I'm gonna go use mother
nature's powder room.
335
00:12:24,298 --> 00:12:25,465
- You care to join me?
- No.
336
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,466
Come on, Fiona. Let's go to the bathroom.
337
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:29,770
- Okay.
- Okay, come on.
338
00:12:29,804 --> 00:12:31,071
Diarrhea?
339
00:12:31,105 --> 00:12:32,506
[Both groan]
340
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:34,341
I kept thinking, "don't
talk about hookworms.
341
00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:35,976
Don't talk about hookworms," and somehow,
342
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:36,944
I'm talking about hookworms.
343
00:12:36,978 --> 00:12:38,912
Okay, first dates are tough.
344
00:12:38,946 --> 00:12:41,648
I've found that it helps
just to be super agreeable.
345
00:12:41,683 --> 00:12:43,350
Whatever he says, just go with it.
346
00:12:43,384 --> 00:12:45,085
If he likes eggnog, you like eggnog.
347
00:12:45,119 --> 00:12:46,353
I don't like eggnog.
348
00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:48,588
But you can say you like
it to make Chris feel good.
349
00:12:48,623 --> 00:12:50,157
Isn't that really dishonest?
350
00:12:50,191 --> 00:12:51,591
Oh, honey, no one's honest on a first date.
351
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:52,759
That's how you get to a second date.
352
00:12:52,794 --> 00:12:54,228
- Oh.
- Yeah.
353
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:56,530
- Okay, I can do that.
- No, no, but...
354
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:59,266
- um, Chris.
- Yeah?
355
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,868
- Do you like eggnog?
- Not so much.
356
00:13:01,903 --> 00:13:03,670
Neither do I.
357
00:13:07,742 --> 00:13:10,644
All right, so I read Alex
if you give a mouse a cookie,
358
00:13:10,678 --> 00:13:13,313
and I read Madison if
you give a moose a muffin,
359
00:13:13,348 --> 00:13:15,649
and I finally got Jonah to stop crying.
360
00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:18,552
Something tells me
361
00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,153
this isn't the comfortable silence
362
00:13:20,188 --> 00:13:23,123
of two lovers.
363
00:13:23,157 --> 00:13:26,593
When conversation stalls,
me and mom play a game called
364
00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:27,861
"I always wondered,"
365
00:13:27,895 --> 00:13:30,197
and then we take turns
asking each other questions
366
00:13:30,231 --> 00:13:31,898
we always wondered.
367
00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:35,502
Laurie, I always wondered
368
00:13:35,536 --> 00:13:39,740
how you and Andy met.
369
00:13:39,774 --> 00:13:40,974
He was in a pre-law class.
370
00:13:41,009 --> 00:13:42,542
Wow, see? That's interesting.
371
00:13:42,577 --> 00:13:43,844
Andy wanted to be a lawyer.
372
00:13:43,878 --> 00:13:44,978
I didn't know that.
373
00:13:45,013 --> 00:13:46,580
Well, neither did I, but apparently he did.
374
00:13:46,614 --> 00:13:48,715
I didn't want to be a lawyer.
375
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,217
I only took the class
376
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:51,551
because I had a crush a cute girl in it.
377
00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:53,353
Alison Alpert?
378
00:13:53,388 --> 00:13:54,554
[Groans]
379
00:13:54,589 --> 00:13:57,257
Everybody loved her and
her stupid shiny hair.
380
00:13:57,292 --> 00:13:58,458
It wasn't Alison Alpert.
381
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,427
There was a really smart, adorable brunette
382
00:14:00,461 --> 00:14:02,295
that always gave me a hard time.
383
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:05,632
You remember her?
384
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:06,933
Oh.
385
00:14:09,671 --> 00:14:12,939
- It's me, isn't it?
- Yes.
386
00:14:12,974 --> 00:14:15,409
It's you.
387
00:14:15,443 --> 00:14:17,644
It's always been you.
388
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:26,086
All right, first course,
grilled artichokes.
389
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:30,357
Or alcachofas, as they say in españa.
390
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:32,225
I hope you like herb
mayonnaise. I make my own.
391
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:34,561
- I adore mayonnaise.
- Really?
392
00:14:34,596 --> 00:14:36,963
Yeah, isn't that what you
call heart attack cream?
393
00:14:36,998 --> 00:14:39,232
What's that sticking
out of your pocket, Will?
394
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:43,537
Oh, it's so many condoms.
395
00:14:43,571 --> 00:14:45,539
Very romantic.
396
00:14:45,573 --> 00:14:47,941
Chris, the artichoke looks really good.
397
00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:49,643
Yeah, I picked up the recipe in Barcelona.
398
00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:52,112
I was teacher a group of
homeless kids basketball.
399
00:14:52,146 --> 00:14:54,181
- It's my favorite sport.
- Oh, it's mine too.
400
00:14:54,215 --> 00:14:56,350
- Oh.
- What your favorite team?
401
00:14:56,384 --> 00:15:01,088
You know, my love of the sport
actually transcends teams.
402
00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:03,190
I've always been kind
of a Knicks guy myself.
403
00:15:03,224 --> 00:15:04,858
But, you know, if I had to pick,
404
00:15:04,892 --> 00:15:06,259
I would pick the Knicks.
405
00:15:06,294 --> 00:15:07,761
- Oh, nice.
- Nice.
406
00:15:07,795 --> 00:15:10,497
- Who's your favorite player?
- What color are Dakota's eyes?
407
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:13,300
- What color is a basketball?
- What's Dakota's last name?
408
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,770
Okay.
409
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:20,040
Time for my piece de resistance.
410
00:15:20,074 --> 00:15:21,141
I have been curing this
411
00:15:21,175 --> 00:15:23,110
in my oak roasting cabinet for two weeks.
412
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:25,512
This is Mr. Chris' world-famous
413
00:15:25,546 --> 00:15:29,049
two-week peking duck.
414
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:32,085
Oh! Bravo.
415
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,321
- Bravo.
- She looks beautiful.
416
00:15:34,355 --> 00:15:36,223
You do like duck, don't you?
417
00:15:36,257 --> 00:15:38,158
- It's my favorite.
- What would you like?
418
00:15:38,192 --> 00:15:40,027
You want a wing or a leg?
419
00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,895
Ooh, that's Sophie's choice right there.
420
00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:44,431
Take your time with that one.
421
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,333
So hard to choose a body part
422
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,268
when they're both so scrumptious, isn't it?
423
00:15:48,303 --> 00:15:49,736
You know, let me get my carving knife
424
00:15:49,771 --> 00:15:50,804
while you think about it.
425
00:15:50,838 --> 00:15:52,206
Have you guys ever read
426
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,374
that wonderful children's
book make way for ducklings,
427
00:15:54,409 --> 00:15:55,576
where the mama duck, you know,
428
00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:57,644
leads her baby ducks across the street?
429
00:15:57,679 --> 00:16:00,347
You got to wonder where those
baby ducks are right now.
430
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:01,848
Probably swimming around a pond,
431
00:16:01,883 --> 00:16:05,853
wondering where their
little mommy quacked off to,
432
00:16:05,887 --> 00:16:06,987
screaming for them.
433
00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:09,823
Mama! Mama, mama!
434
00:16:09,857 --> 00:16:12,559
I can't! I can't!
435
00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:14,061
No!
436
00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:15,529
Oh, God.
437
00:16:20,862 --> 00:16:23,163
How far can a dead duck fly?
438
00:16:23,197 --> 00:16:24,431
Fiona, what are you...
439
00:16:24,465 --> 00:16:28,094
what are you doing? Why
were you sabotaging me?
440
00:16:28,132 --> 00:16:31,100
You have officially destroyed
any chance I had with Dakota.
441
00:16:31,135 --> 00:16:34,304
Oh, no, what will you do? Oh, I know.
442
00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:36,539
You'll just go and shag the
next girl you lay eyes on,
443
00:16:36,574 --> 00:16:37,807
because that's what you do,
444
00:16:37,841 --> 00:16:39,676
and I'm not like you.
445
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:42,178
This never happens to me, Will.
446
00:16:42,246 --> 00:16:44,914
I really like him.
447
00:16:44,949 --> 00:16:47,717
Well, if you like him,
448
00:16:47,751 --> 00:16:49,953
then why don't you just
be yourself around him?
449
00:16:49,987 --> 00:16:51,354
Oh, I don't know.
450
00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:53,122
Maybe it's 'cause I
live next door to someone
451
00:16:53,157 --> 00:16:55,158
who's constantly telling
me how weird and annoying
452
00:16:55,192 --> 00:16:56,426
and repulsive I am.
453
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:58,261
- Fiona...
- just forget it, Will.
454
00:16:58,295 --> 00:17:01,631
You're not annoying or weird or repulsive.
455
00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:04,000
You're smart, and you're kind,
456
00:17:04,034 --> 00:17:08,171
and you're beautiful.
457
00:17:08,205 --> 00:17:10,440
- What?
- Not to me.
458
00:17:10,474 --> 00:17:12,609
No, I want... I want to be
very clear on this thing.
459
00:17:12,643 --> 00:17:15,345
You know, you are not my
thing on so many levels.
460
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:16,379
Yeah, no, I get it.
461
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:18,548
But it's like, you know,
462
00:17:18,582 --> 00:17:22,018
when you see a movie and
you're totally not into it,
463
00:17:22,052 --> 00:17:25,688
but you understand that
it's an awesome movie,
464
00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:28,024
like The English Patient.
465
00:17:28,058 --> 00:17:29,392
You know, I think...
466
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:32,729
I think you're my English patient,
467
00:17:32,763 --> 00:17:36,900
and I think you deserve
to win all the awards.
468
00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:39,669
I love that film.
469
00:17:39,703 --> 00:17:41,938
Just help me find the
bloody duck, will you?
470
00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:45,742
Okay.
471
00:17:45,776 --> 00:17:47,544
I mean, you have to admit that it is
472
00:17:47,578 --> 00:17:48,745
a really boring movie.
473
00:17:48,779 --> 00:17:49,979
It's hard to get through.
474
00:17:50,014 --> 00:17:52,115
I'm gonna find the
duck. Gonna get the duck.
475
00:17:54,285 --> 00:17:58,121
Chris, I found your duck.
476
00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,289
It's got a bit of moss on it,
477
00:17:59,323 --> 00:18:02,458
but you could probably eat around that bit.
478
00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:04,127
Look, there's something clearly going on
479
00:18:04,161 --> 00:18:05,361
between you and your neighbor.
480
00:18:05,396 --> 00:18:07,430
I'm guessing not over me.
481
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:08,765
It's really none of my business.
482
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:12,802
- I don't have wet eye syndrome.
- Huh?
483
00:18:12,836 --> 00:18:14,771
The other day when I asked you out,
484
00:18:14,805 --> 00:18:17,040
I said I had wet eye syndrome,
485
00:18:17,074 --> 00:18:18,041
but I don't.
486
00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:20,243
It's not even a real syndrome.
487
00:18:20,277 --> 00:18:23,580
I didn't think so.
488
00:18:23,614 --> 00:18:27,717
I cried because I'm weird.
489
00:18:27,751 --> 00:18:31,154
Also, I don't know
anything about basketball,
490
00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:34,090
and I loathe mayonnaise.
491
00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:36,192
And I don't like duck
492
00:18:36,227 --> 00:18:39,896
or any other meat, for that matter.
493
00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:41,731
But I do like you,
494
00:18:41,765 --> 00:18:46,236
so much so that I brought
my friends with me,
495
00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:48,304
you know, to try and stop me being weird.
496
00:18:48,339 --> 00:18:51,174
That ship sailed.
497
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:54,811
I'd really just prefer to be myself.
498
00:19:00,484 --> 00:19:02,185
- Oh, no.
- Oh, God.
499
00:19:02,219 --> 00:19:04,754
She's gonna uke.
500
00:19:04,788 --> 00:19:05,755
[Playing joni Mitchell's the circle game]
501
00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,323
[Whispering] Fiona. Fiona.
502
00:19:07,358 --> 00:19:08,958
♪ And the seasons ♪
503
00:19:08,993 --> 00:19:11,060
♪ They go round and round ♪
504
00:19:11,095 --> 00:19:15,698
♪ And the painted
ponies go up and down ♪
505
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:18,168
♪ We're captive on a carousel ♪
506
00:19:18,202 --> 00:19:22,071
♪ Of time ♪
507
00:19:22,106 --> 00:19:24,140
Oh, God, is he going for his car keys?
508
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:26,142
Yeah, I can't look, but I also...
509
00:19:26,177 --> 00:19:28,344
I can't look away.
510
00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:31,814
♪ And go round and round and round ♪
511
00:19:31,849 --> 00:19:35,952
♪ In the circle game ♪
512
00:19:35,986 --> 00:19:37,620
♪ And the seasons ♪
513
00:19:37,655 --> 00:19:39,556
♪ They go round and round ♪
514
00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:43,526
♪ And the painted
ponies go up and down ♪
515
00:19:43,561 --> 00:19:47,497
♪ We're captive on a carousel of time ♪
516
00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:50,833
- That is so romantic.
- Weird.
517
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:52,268
- What?
- Nothing.
518
00:19:52,303 --> 00:19:55,038
I love this song. It's like...
519
00:19:55,072 --> 00:19:56,573
so beautiful.
520
00:19:56,607 --> 00:20:00,043
♪ And go round and round and round ♪
521
00:20:00,077 --> 00:20:02,445
♪ In the circle game ♪
522
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,617
So did you have fun at Andy and Laurie's?
523
00:20:07,651 --> 00:20:08,985
Oh, it was fun.
524
00:20:09,019 --> 00:20:10,820
I mean, a little bit exhausting
525
00:20:10,855 --> 00:20:14,190
keeping that sinking ship afloat.
526
00:20:14,258 --> 00:20:15,992
You know how I always
wish for a bigger family?
527
00:20:16,026 --> 00:20:18,428
- Yeah.
- I'm done with that.
528
00:20:18,462 --> 00:20:20,730
I think you and me is perfect,
529
00:20:20,765 --> 00:20:23,867
you know, just the two of us.
530
00:20:23,901 --> 00:20:26,302
[Phone chimes]
531
00:20:33,244 --> 00:20:34,577
Who's that?
532
00:20:34,612 --> 00:20:36,713
Oh, it's nothing.
533
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:47,357
[Wolf howls]
534
00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:49,526
What was that?
535
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,861
Oh, that was a house cat.
536
00:20:51,896 --> 00:20:53,897
- I can't do this.
- No, no, no, no, Dakota!
537
00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:57,634
Dakota, please! Please!
538
00:20:57,668 --> 00:21:00,403
The house cat went back inside.
539
00:21:00,438 --> 00:21:03,172
[Bear growls]
540
00:21:03,207 --> 00:21:04,740
Whoa!
541
00:21:04,759 --> 00:21:07,308
Sync and corrections by madhatters
www.addic7ed.com