[BO narrating] Previously on Lost Girl:
[BO] Kenzi?
Bobo.
You don't look dead.
I don't feel dead.
[DYSON] The wearer of the shoes collects souls
to build a dark army.
An army to end all life.
[TRICK] Souls are assigned to different realms.
[BO] Maybe this is Heaven.
You belong to him.
My father.
[KENZI] No. No! No!
[TRICK] Someone or something wants her
to bring Hell on Earth.
[VALKYRIE VOICE] On blessed wings
our allegiance carry forth the human soul.
[KENZI] Help!
[knocking] [KENZI] Help!
Ah, what the fudge, man?
[KENZI] I was a beautiful bride enjoying unlimited
waffle bar privileges and now I'm stuck in my own grave.
[knocking on casket]
[KENZI breathing heavily]
You can do this K Star.
This is...
This is cozy.
No. No.
[KENZI exhales heavily]
It's okay. It's okay. You love laying down.
It's--It's a nap.
A dirt nap, forever and ever.
Oh for the love of help, help!
[LAUREN and DYSON] Kenzi?
[KENZI] Someone...
[DYSON] Hold on!
[KENZI] Push it real good...
Kenzi.
Just stay with us.
[KENZI] I've never been so happy to see
your stuck-up mug in all my life.
[KENZI] Did you bother to get a man mani like I taught you?
Gah, just 'cause I died, do I even want to look at your feet?
It's good to have you back.
[KENZI sighs]
YOU dug?
I did. With a shovel. Dyson on the other hand...
Mhmmm. Took me back.
Ya know, I used to have a schnauzer who uh--
Easy, easy.
Bo.
Where is she, Kenz?
S-She um... traded herself... for me.
She traded herself? To who?
[elevator ding]
♪
Ripped By mstoll
[BO] Kenzi?
♪
Hello?
[BO] What the hell is this?
[BO] I was never any good at mazes.
Maybe because you never taught me how.
Let's make up for some lost time.
Shall we...
Dad?
[music intensifies]
[opening theme]
Seriously? How bright does that have to be?
They're eyeballs. Move on.
So, no clue as to where Bo is?
[KENZI] I was she-handled by Valkyries,
dragged out before I could see.
[sighs] What do we do?
Well first, we make sure that you're okay.
Dyson's very likely back at the gates by now,
making sure they stay open for Bo.
[LAUREN groans]
The sphygmomanometer goes next to the
ophthalmoscope, not the stethoscope.
[groans]
Sorry. New nurse.
[KENZI] Whoa! Touch me with that, you'll need a new nose.
What? It's a tongue depresser.
My tongue's perfectly pressed.
I've gotten major compliments about it.
And seriously, I'm fine. Do I need to prancercise
around your fancy office to prove it?
It's just a checkup. Could you please just... please?
You can check me up all you want--
Without the Dr. Giggles tools.
[sighs]
Crikey! Your hands are colder than a yeti's snow nads.
If it sounds like Kenzi and it looks like Kenzi...
Your heart is racing.
Kenzi you're shaking.
I'm Russian, I shake!
I need a drink. Don't you have any prescription vodka
set aside for courage?
Do yeti's chill their nads on ice?
[sighs] Did I mention
how happy I am to see you?
Twice.
Thanks for not removing my liver, for like, science.
Eh. Science couldn't take the hangover.
You know that she never stopped looking for those shoes.
[LAUREN] For a way to get there. Not since the second--
She's gonna be fine. I can feel it in my gut.
It's like she's... right here beside us.
[glass breaking]
[LAUREN] Was that?
[KENZI] Who dat?
Do you think?
No...
Do you think?
It just got really cold in here.
[squeaking]
[KENZI] H-E...
H-E-L! Oh my god, she's in Hell?
Or she needs help.
Bo's a motherfae'n ghost.
Yeah. Yeah, it would appear so.
Um, more vodka.
I wouldn't do that.
[STACEY] Unless you're some sort of bearded Valkyrie
I haven't heard of, you shouldn't even be seeing this.
I've seen a lot of things I shouldn't've.
But if you close this gate, you may never see anything again.
[chuckles]
I think you're confusing who can hurt who here.
You want me to call my sisters?
Well if they look anything like you, be my guest.
Stacey.
[DYSON] Dyson.
This is my first field assignment in decades.
Nice to get out of V fest.
And what's the assignment?
I need a soul to replace this
pocket Russian human.
Since when do Valkyrie's just arbitrarily take a soul?
Since a succubus distrupted the balance of Valhalla.
You know her.
[STACEY] Don't you?
Everybody knows the unaligned succubus.
I need to find a soul close to her heart.
[STACEY] Freyja's request.
Where's your heart, Dyson?
Do you love her?
I don't even know her. Not really.
[DYSON] But I know who does.
Good. I didn't wanna kill you anyway.
Thank you.
Holy Odin. Your jawline is insanely distracting.
I have work to do. See ya.
Hey, how 'bout I help you find your soul.
I know this territory inside and out.
Let's go, partner.
[sobbing]
[BO] Kenzi?
[sobbing continues]
[KENZI'S VOICE] Help me. Please.
--[KENZI'S VOICE] Bobo. --[BO] Kenzi!
[KENZI'S VOICE] Help me. Please.
[BO] We had a deal that you would be safe.
We had a deal!
[KENZI'S VOICE laughing]
[BO] Not Kenzi.
[whispers]
[BO] Who's there?
[DYSON'S VOICE laughing] [whispers continue]
[LAUREN'S VOICE] She's gone. Bo's really gone.
[KENZI'S VOICE] Oh, Lolo.
[LAUREN'S VOICE] I'm glad it's you who
made it back and not her.
[KENZI'S VOICE] Me too. We're all better off.
[DYSON'S VOICE] This calls for a celebration.
We can finally move on with our lives.
[DYSON, KENZI, and LAUREN'S VOICE] To life after Bo.
♪
[DYSON'S VOICE laughs] [whispers]
Who's there?
[MALE VOICE] You aren't the chosen one.
[BO] You're tryin' to mess with my head.
It's not gonna work.
[whispers continue]
[snarl]
[groans]
[music intensifies]
[KENZI'S VOICE] You just got bitch snacked.
So you're the cause of all this?
Funny. I thought you'd be scarier.
[DYSON'S VOICE] And I thought you'd be hotter.
This coming from a goblin with a wart on her wart.
[LAUREN'S VOICE] Can I have another bite?
Whenever there're snacks in the house, I just can't resist.
Get back.
[dove coos]
I don't speak bird.
[WOMAN] ls this better?
[BO] Nice shift.
[WOMAN] Walls of doubt will entrap you if you let them.
You must not listen.
[DYSON'S VOICE] Do us all a favor, Bo. Give up.
Shut up.
Púca is working with the maze to keep you here.
[WOMAN] To reveal the path, you must choose what
and what not to here.
I don't need a life coach, bird girl. I need a way out.
Her true voice is the key.
[LAUREN'S VOICE] I never loved you Bo. Nobody does.
[BO] Okay, now, you're just making me mad.
[BO grunts] [PÚCA groans]
Right in the--you bitch!
Púca punt. I win.
[WOMAN] You've conquered your doubts.
You've defeated the maze.
Some welcome wagon.
[WOMAN] It is the way of Tartarus.
A prisoner can go one of two ways.
[BO] Which way did you go?
[WOMAN] You're injured.
[BO] Where is he? Where's my father?
[WOMAN] He can never learn that I helped you.
Come with me.
[WOMAN] Rest assure you shall not perish.
He will never afford you that sweet release.
[BO] I've been here before.
[WOMAN] This is Tartarus. A prison. A Hell.
You came from Valhalla, didn't you?
[BO] No. That's not it. I remember it from somewhere else.
[WOMAN] You must find a way out of here.
Before this place finds a way of keeping you.
And trust me, it will. It always does.
No, I can't. Not yet. I need to see him first.
Not like this you can't. I won't let you.
Welcome home.
Trickster!
[KENZI] Right. Home.
It's um, it's good to be back.
[TRICK] A-Are you sure this spirit was Bo?
It communicated with Lauren and me.
And trust me, I know about this stuff, Trick.
I know a familiar ghost when I see one.
Well, not see but...
y-y-you get it.
Have you considered that it could be something else?
Ghost Dad? Ghost Swayze?
[TRICK] No, there are Fae spirits who become angry
when they're improperly entombed or disturbed.
Bo gave up her soul to save mine.
And now she could be trapped in some
nether world with Baddy Dearest;
it's worth the risk. It won't go Baba Yaga, I promise.
I don't wanna leave you alone with this. Where's Lauren?
Upstairs washing dirt out of places
she didn't even know she had.
And she's a doctor; she knows all her places.
Okay.
I'm gonna head back to my lair.
See if I can come up with anything else.
Please be careful.
Conjuring spirits is never simple.
Nothing we do ever really is, is it?
--[WOMAN] Keep still! --[BO grunts]
[BO] Look, the whole cloth in warm water thing
works well in story books, but,
I might have to do this my way.
[WOMAN] You can heal yourself?
[BO] Yeah. It takes two. You wanna help?
[BO breathing heavily]
♪
Shoveling plus vodka equals woosy.
Whoa.
[alternative music plays]
[KENZI] Got it!
[LAUREN] Did you get it? The ouija board? Oh you did.
Bravo! Yay! [chuckles nervously]
This is some seriously spiritual shit that is
in no way to be messed with.
Entities that want to cross back over from the spirit realm
will say anything to get you to help them.
We have to make sure it's Bo.
It's Bo. For sure. I was just, um--
You know, she was uh--
We were, um...
Oh!
Ew!
Okay, well at least you weren't getting freaky
with a decorative pillow.
Vagimation received, Bobo.
Let's get gypsy.
[KENZI] Come on!
Thank you. I needed that.
One is always starving in Tartarus.
[WOMAN] The key is knowing what and what not to eat.
I remember this myth.
My history teacher was this pro rugby player with eyes like...
The girl who ate six pomegranate seeds. There's no way that you--
[WOMAN] I am Persephone. Daughter of Demeter.
Wife of Hades.
And I am your stepmother.
♪
[PERSEPHONE] Wait. Please stop.
[BO] It's gotta be here somewhere.
[PERSEPHONE] You don't want to find him, Bo.
He stole me away from my mother, brought me to the underworld.
[BO] I can't believe that we're--And we really just--
[PERSEPHONE] Listen to me! Six thousand years I must
dwell in the darkness, then a mere six weeks
back above ground. You don't want to be here.
Six thousand years?
When my time comes, the Artemis flame
is the way out. It belonged to my family,
but he took it and I haven't seen it since.
Where is he?
[PERSEPHONE] I don't know. All I've heard is that
he's very angry with you.
He's angry with me?
[BO] He tried to trick me into ending the world.
He lured my best friend into a portal,
so that I would go after her.
And now, he sent his child bride to seduce me.
It never ends, does it?
[PERSEPHONE] No, Bo. He never sent me.
I don't like being jerked around.
[PERSEPHONE] It's not like that, please.
When you get angry, you look just like him.
Help me find him. I'm not scared.
[PERSEPHONE] You should be.
He's king of the underworld.
Fae who is perceived as a god.
He's an asshole, perceived by me, as an asshole.
[PERSEPHONE] Bo, you have to get away before it holds you.
No.
[BO] Not until I've had my say.
[BO] What's behind door number spooky?
[PERSEPHONE] We can't go in there.
[BO] All I heard is that my father's on the
other side of that door.
[huffs]
What are we celebrating?
Everyone's happy. The end of the Una Mens.
And that Evony is no longer Morrigan.
And all has become ground zero,
for out territory's flirtations with democrifacy if you will.
Everyone wants to fall into the footsteps of
the unaligned succubus.
This place smells so much better than my bar.
Good to know.
Have you seen her?
[DYSON] Not yet.
Uh, Trick, this is Stacey. She's new in town.
Just introducing her to some hearts and souls.
Ah, well, let me know if there's anything
I can do to help... accommodate.
That's very kind of you, barkeep.
Was the her he was talking about Bo?
Yes. Everyone is very curious as to her whereabouts.
[STACEY] Mmm.
Looked like he cares. Might do for Freyja.
Noble barkeep. Heart of gold.
Heart of a drunk.
Trick lives up to his name. He's a liar.
He's into some very unsavory things. Pixies.
[STACEY] At his age?
[DYSON'S cell phone ringing]
Okay. Boredom setting in.
Cough it up. Who's my soul?
Her lover. Her confidant.
He fought by her side, she fed off him when she needed it most.
Even gave his love to the Norn for her.
Sounds like a tool. Where is he?
He's the last of his kind.
He's a mesmer. Goes by the name Vex.
What do you say you and I go fetch him?
There's something I need to do first.
I just had to make sure you weren't that guy who loved Bo.
[TAMSIN] Dyson.
Step away from the skank.
Tamsin.
--[TAMSIN] Hi. --[DYSON] Hi.
Nice to find you playing tonsil hockey with--
Your successor? Just 'cause you couldn't finish the job.
What job?
The job I never finished.
I always finish my jobs.
[TAMSIN] I was recalled on my mission...
to return Bo to her father.
What?
[TAMSIN] Uh!
I can't believe you betrayed Bo, again!
[TAMSIN] I went there to help. It was activated by him,
like some sleeper spell.
And don't change the subject.
You were just sucking face with my very evil sister.
Sister?
Augh, that's... not right.
She took my phone.
[sighs] Dyson, you need to get back to the Valhalla gates,
and quick, before they close.
[TAMSIN] It's Bo's only way out.
What are you going to do about your sister?
Don't worry about her.
I've been wanting to school that wench since Valkyrie High.
♪
I know this place.
During my dawning.
♪
This is where I was...
I was born in Hell.
[PERSEPHONE] They only let her hold you to feed you.
[BO] Aife.
I remember when he brought her here.
I used to hear her wails through the vents.
I don't think I can listen to this.
Hades would gloat about what
his daughter would become.
[PERSEPHONE] A queen capable of
dominion over life and death.
There were guards then. A midwife, lots of people.
But they fled when Hades began to lose his power.
I won't stop until he's as powerless as she was.
♪
Oh, Mom.
She meant to have you two leave this place together.
[PERSEPHONE] When the time came,
she realized only one could escape.
So she let you go.
She loved me.
My mother did too.
Before Hades took me away from her.
If this is another trick,
I will pluck out every single one
of your pretty little feathers.
Do you know what Hades would do if he knew
I led his daughter down here?
Thirty years of missed birthdays?
I think he can pony up for one candle.
[PERSEPHONE] You must find another way out.
He takes no company.
[BO] I am not company, Persephone.
I am the one he's been waiting for.
[PERSEPHONE] The Artemis moon candle was the last thing
my mother gave me before the Earth swallowed me whole.
[BO] Like in Tremors.
Kenzi's second favorite Kevin Bacon movie.
[PERSEPHONE] Demeter knew that Hades abhors light,
and that it could illuminate my way home.
[BO] So where does Pops keep it?
A junk drawer? A tool box in the garage?
[elevator dings]
Persephone, I'm sorry about earlier.
I'm not sure I could have been as brave as
you've been in this place.
I heard tales of your courage, your bravery,
battling all that you had to face.
I figured, so could I.
[eerie music plays]
[elevator dings]
I can hear you breathing, Dad.
Dad.
I have waited so long to say that.
To talk to you.
Wondering who you really are.
Are you gonna come out and face me?
You've been hiding all these years.
[BO] Why would that change now?
You're not my family. You're nothing.
You're darkness and I'm not walking into it.
[BO] Keep hiding.
I don't wanna meet you.
I never wanna meet you.
[BO] I am not going to jeopardize the people who
truly love me back home just to meet you.
I don't need to know who you are to know myself.
[BO] If you wanna see me, it'll be on my terms
with my true family who would never abandon me.
[eerie music plays]
I will never be what you want me to be.
What I am gonna do, is take everything you have.
If you don't like it...
come and get me.
♪
[heavy breathing]
No. Not like this. Not from you.
You're not a god, you're a coward.
But not me. Because my mother taught me how to fight.
[grunts]
[panting]
[dying]
[KENZI] So are you going to swallow the
ritual blood sausage willingly,
or am I gonna have to hold you down?
You are gonna have to hold me down. Yep.
Are you kidding me?
Dude, I grew up séancing the shit out of spirits.
Right now Bo's all spirity and invisibly.
[KENZI] Once we're done, she'll be back to her fully formed,
chi sucking, gravity defying, sex maneuvering self.
Right. I think we should wait for Trick.
There's no time.
Bobo, put on your jeggings, we're bringing you home.
Okay.
Now...
I need you to, um, give me your cold, clamy hands
and close your eyes.
[KENZI exhales]
Vykhodi. Vykhodi. Iz teni, v svet. Vykhodi.
[LAUREN] It's working.
Vykhodi. Vykhodi. Iz teni, v svet. Vykhodi.
[KENZI] Bobes?
[BO] I hope you packed your charger.
I always forget it.
[PERSEPHONE] What'd you do?
[BO] The opposite of what he wanted me to do.
We're leaving. Now.
[PERSEPHONE] That's not for me. Not yet. It's for you.
[BO] There's gotta be a way. Come on.
I've got your candle. Your way out. Let's go.
I found the center of the maze. The hotel. I can't leave.
Not until my six thousand years are up.
Only you have the Helskór. Only you are the one.
Bullshit. I have never been just one.
I only win because the people who stand with me.
[BO] I will not leave anyone else behind.
This is as far as I can go.
[BO] No, you're coming.
Light this when you get home. For my family.
[PERSEPHONE] So they know I'm safe.
I never stop thinking of them.
I'll get you out of here.
You have to go, now.
What will he do to you?
Your father lost interest in me a long time ago.
Besides, I've gotten very good at hiding.
I promise I'll light the candle.
It's important to let the light in, Bo.
Sometimes that's all it takes to keep the evil at bay.
[KENZI] That thing is fast.
Did you by chance disturb a grave or anything
when you dug me up?
No. Dyson did most of the digging.
It's not Bo.
Trick said we may have angered a buried spirit or something.
I must have broken it's urn without knowing it.
What?! We're being hella haunted because of
a shard in your pocket?
I should have known. And a demu.
I just--I wanted it so badly to be Bo.
You had sex with it.
It kissed my neck.
And now it's caught in Trick's divination board
and we have to destroy it.
[clanking]
That's it. I'm gonna go for it.
[growling]
Okay. Retreat, retreat, retreat, retreat.
[KENZI whimpers]
[DYSON snarling]
Nice grip, Hercules.
Thanks. Glad you could make it.
When you pled fealty you meant it, huh?
Yeah. Do you mind?
[BO] Oh.
[DYSON grunts]
Thanks for waiting.
Always.
--[DYSON] Shall we? --[BO] Yeah.
That's it. I'm goin' in.
Please don't die.
Okay.
[yelling]
[LAUREN] You piece-of-shit, nap-disturbing predator!
[low growl]
[BOTH panting]
That definitely was not Bo.
Where is she, Lauren?
[door opens]
♪
Hello Bo-friends. I need to feast on one of your souls.
Any volunteers?
Can you believe the shifter tried to sell Vex
as a soul Bo gave a shit about?
Yeah, well, they have shared undergarments.
[STACEY] Lucky for me Dyson's text history details Bo's love
of the uppity doctor, Lauren.
Dyson texts about you?
I don't know.
[STACEY] I can make this fast or I can make this slow.
I'm in no hurry to get back to my shift in Valhalla.
The tips are shit.
Look, if anybody is going, it's me.
Kenzi's been through enough.
[KENZI] I bit portal and died.
I did not lose my lady balls. I'll go.
Oh, you know what? The doctor's right.
Bo and Freyja made a deal. You're off limits.
[STACEY] This is better anyway.
You hold a particularly special place in Bo's heart.
That was a gift.
Give it back. Now.
Nap time.
Or whatevs. Good luck, Lo.
You can't have my soul if I'm not dead.
That can be arranged.
[LAUREN] Ah!
[TAMSIN] Let her go, Stacey.
I beg your pardon?
You're going back to Freyja empty handed.
See what it's like to be in her bad books for once.
Valhalla's books will still be unbalanced.
Well, so are my boobs. But I make do.
[STACEY] Oh, Tamsin. On your last life, are you sure
you wanna pick mortals over your Valkyrie sisters?
Oh, Stacey. Do you really consider
those girls your sisters?
Maybe you should ask them who coined the term
"Brace Face Stace" in high school.
[KENZI] Are they having a--
[LAUREN] Yeah. Valkyrie on Valkyrie--
[KENZI] Doubt off.
[LAUREN] Right.
I'm just trying to be a good friend here,
but I think you should know
they call you the doormat at Valhalla's gates.
Don't you think you should stand up for yourself?
And I wanna be an equally good friend,
and tell you should look in the mirror
because the Rachel is so last century.
Plus your roots are showing.
You know the rules. A Valkyrie's hair is off limits!
[STACEY] I'll be back.
I'll be here.
[door slams shut]
Tamsin, Tamsin? Or Tamsin from The Shining?
Tamsin, Tamsin.
[roots rock music begins]
[TRICK] To Kenzi. And to Bo.
And to all of you brave warriors
who helped bring them home.
I've never met a stronger united force.
Now we drink?
[TRICK] And now we drink.
[DYSON] Here, here.
[LAUREN, KENZI, and TAMSIN] Cheers!
Truce?
Come on. I was alone with a Valkyrie. I improvised.
Yeah. All over Stacey's mouth.
Good job.
Yeah?
Plus, I'm not jealous. Trust me.
Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Friends?
[DYSON] Friends.
[chuckles]
Welcome home, love.
[TRICK] Two thousand years. Ten thousand books.
And yet, the afterlife remains a mystery, even to me.
What's it like?
It's um... personal.
[DYSON] I have something for you.
Oh, please be a hoverboard. Please be a hoverboard.
[DYSON] It's from Hale.
He left it for you in his will.
I felt close to him for a second. And Dyson, he was happy.
[LAUREN] There's an impeccable selection of vintage cabs in
the keg room actually dating all the way back to, um...
I just happened to find a few...
when I was in there... one time. I'll get one.
I'll help.
[BO] I can't believe that you had ghost sex.
[LAUREN chuckles] Well it had some patented Bo moves.
So how is back-to-life Kenzi?
She's good. Her vitals are in check.
No, I mean... Valhalla. An almost wedding to Hale.
That's a lot. Y'know I just...
I don't know.
You should talk to her.
So you burnt the ouija board once the spirit became trapped?
[heavy exhale sound]
Since when can you burn a ghost?
I'm not following.
No. It's following you.
[LAUREN] uh! [yelling]
[gunshot]
[LAUREN] I thought we burnt it.
I guess we gave it corporeal form.
Shouldda given it a makeover.
How did you know?
[LAUREN] How'd you know it wasn't over?
That's the thing with the Fae, it's never over.
[BO] Okay, we've got Chardonnay, licorice, Tremors--
Your second fav Bacon flick--
And Footloose, your number one favorite--
Well, it's everyone's number one favorite.
Bo, I can't.
What's goin' on?
I can't keep being a lost human in the Fae world
trying to be Fae.
I'm not Fae.
[BO] That has never mattered to me.
But it does to me.
I have learned so much from you--from everyone.
But I just lost the love of my life, Bo.
♪
I... died.
Hey, but now you are here.
[KENZI] Which is why I have a second chance.
And I need to try something new.
Something... for me. Something human.
And for the first time in I don't even remember,
I'm okay with that.
I need to go.
♪
[BO] Kenzi.
Hale left me some Santiago land off the coast of Spain.
Wow. You've never even been out of the country.
Never even had a legitimate passport. Seems like a sign.
♪
We're sisters. We're in each other's lives for good.
Hell, I couldn't even keep you out of my afterlife.
I love you, Kenzi.
Sometimes I think it's the only thing I'm completely sure about.
Bye, Bo.
Goodbye, Kenzi.
♪
[elevator dings]
I know, baby. But the deposition was like,
two hundred pages long, and the copier was...
It was evil. Stone cold evil.
Anyway, um, please, please tell me that you
ordered salads for dinner.
And by salads of course I mean two all meat pizzas.
[whispering]
♪
[screaming]
[ending theme]
Ripped By mstoll