The minute he takes the Iron Chair, your head on a pike.
I think you should apply for Commissioner.
You are a contender.
I missed the gun,
~ He was packing and I missed it. ~ It weren't your fault.
He bottled it. His head's gone.
~ Someone's fucking us. ~ Where did this come from?
There's something I thought you'd like to know about Charles Inglis.
~ He's under investigation. ~ He's got a little silver bell.
Whenever he's feeling sad, he gives it a little ring.
Just give me some space!
Would it be fair to say your judgement's gone?
I'm never going near a gun for the rest of my life!
I should've said something, but I didn't!
~ It wasn't him! ~ Nah.
PCSOs.
A representative snapshot of London, and you at the head of it.
I did something and no-one else knows about it.
I moved the gun, Matt.
~ So, you moved the gun next to his hand? ~ Yeah.
That's exactly what I did.
Don't worry. This PCSO idea is dead in the water.
~ As soon as she says it. ~ It's pre-killed.
She's bringing home a brand-new puppy,
but I've already dug its grave.
Thank you!
Thank you, gentlemen!
Drop your cocks and grab some Ewoks, it's the return of the Jedi!
Yes, man!
~ Yes, Robbie! ~ Yeah!
What you saying? You fucking missed us?
I know you're concerned that three of the officers
involved in the Karl Jeffries incident are back on duty,
but the inquiry was fair and it was thorough.
And one officer has been suspended,
but that doesn't mean we can't improve.
What about Karl? Tell us the truth!
~ Justice for Karl! ~ Justice!
OK, thank you.
I personally believe in a new era of openness
and that all Police Community Support Officers,
who are, of course, they're drawn much more broadly,
from the black, Asian and minority ethnic populations,
all of them, after a brief induction,
should be made full police officers.
Jesus Christ!
So, I don't say anything publicly?
No need. You stay quiet. She's kicked the wasps' nest.
Let's see how she likes it when a swarm comes
and stings her up the wazoo.
All right, but... take it easy.
Final interview is tomorrow. I don't want this to explode.
Just one question, this is from me, but is the wazoo,
is that the front bottom or the back bottom?
I never know.
~ Really good question, Tom. ~ Thank you.
Yeah, why don't you Google it and fuck off out of my face?
Hi, Sally?
Yeah, just a bit of background on this Community Support bollocks.
~ How would it work? ~ Who's going to pay?
Look, Sharon Franklin isn't even Commissioner... yet.
What Sharon's saying is
we cannot gain the trust of London until we look like London.
Failure to gain the trust of people of colour runs like a wire in a time bomb
through everything that's gone wrong in this city for the last 50 years.
And what we're saying is, we can fix that and we're going to fix that.
Are you running, or is she, Liz?
Fuck off, Harry.
Liz, I wanted to show you this and get your reaction.
~ What is this? Can we do this later? ~ Er... you might want to take a look.
Why are my eyes looking at this?
Well, that's your officer. That guy went straight out on duty
and shot Karl Jeffries at the nightclub.
Apparently, he's back on duty today.
How long has this been up?
~ Four-and-a-half minutes. ~ Right.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's something...
Well, it's vital to the integrity of London Police.
On pay and pensions,
officers may well have to take a short-term hit.
What about this?
~ Um... ~ How long have you known about this?
Look, I'm sorry.
~ Bear with me. ~ We need to get you out.
I'm just hearing about this, um... right now, with you.
So... I'm concerned.
And if there is any doubt about the officer in question,
the investigation could be reopened.
Thank you.
And so, in conclusion, can I just say, justice is blind.
And that is why, if you give her norks a squeeze and run fast,
she's very unlikely to be able to ID you in a line-up.
What about Warwick?
Warwick's off ops.
We got a slapped wrist on that one. It all came out.
Oi-oi! It's Osama bin Banjo.
Britain's most wanted waste-disposal terrorist.
They're going to reopen your investigation.
What? Are you serious?
We're back on duty tonight.
One video and the brass buckle?
Guv? They can't do this, can they, Guv?
Are we on duty tonight, or what? Guv?
Can I get a Twix and a cup of tea,
or do you want me to bend over for a set of fucking psychological tests?
I'm checking it out.
Fuck!
Plastic pigs into cops? Seriously?
Pension cuts, overtime cuts,
job security knackered.
Amazing!
Sharon Franklin gets her kite out and starts flying it
and I go home, and what?
I can't fucking sleep because I don't know
if I can afford a pot to piss in when I retire.
This is Battleship Potemkin.
Kronstadt. 1905. The Black Sea.
The Imperial Russian Navy are served borscht made with rotten meat.
The men rebel. An empire falls.
Oh, right, that Potemkin.
I was getting mixed up with all the other Potemkins.
Never heard of Battleship Potemkin, Davina? That surprises me.
What the fuck's wrong with you two?
Oi, Davs, can I borrow your face? I want to go rat-catching.
Black and white. Russian. And silent.
Uh-huh. The big three.
Oh, hello!
Hey, Davs, here's a question for you.
How would you like to see your husband
going absolutely fucking mental on a rubbish bin?
Oi!
"The inquiry into the death of Karl Jeffries could be reopened."
It follows confirmation from police sources
that the rubbish bin vandalism footage sweeping the internet
does indeed feature an officer involved in the shooting.
Another of the officers involved has already been suspended.
You off shift?
What's it to you? Got mates coming over, as it happens.
Yeah, all right, mate. No worries.
Sorry. Er...
Cheers. Sorry.
So the governor wants extra directed patrols through Earlsfield.
A number of weapons we're aware of out of Nottingham have come south.
Now, it shouldn't involve us, but be aware.
OK? Any questions so far?
Yes, sir.
Sir, will you be wanting us to take the guns out today, sir?
~ How do you mean? ~ Shooting guns,
with the bullets that make holes in the baddies.
Will you be wanting us to carry those around today, sir?
Because we're thinking we might not.
~ OK, what's... ~ It's bollocks, Guv. What they're saying about Banje.
Look, as far as I'm concerned, you're on duty.
I've received nothing to suggest otherwise as yet, so...
Oh, I'm allowed out, am I?
Just don't touch anything or play with the sirens, is it?
Senior officers are aware of your situation
and at this time, they want to support you.
Yeah, well, they're providing about as much support as my nana's bra.
It's a fucking ornamental belt.
We're not picking up our weapons today, Guv.
Well, obviously, as you know, that's at your discretion.
So, can I start off by telling you a bit about the production company
set up to find a mass audience for serious current affairs?
I don't want to be rude, but I'm going to come right out with this.
~ Oh, right. ~ I've got the fucking mother lode.
~ You have the mother lode? ~ I have the mother lode, yeah.
Don't ask me how, but I've been filming a renegade cop for months.
You see, he's admitted, on camera,
to covering up the Jeffries shooting.
The kid never had a gun. At least not in his hand.
That's interesting.
Oh, yeah, it's interesting. It's bidding war interesting.
It's "get your MD in here and make me an offer" interesting.
I am a managing director.
Yeah?
Good. Well, I'll be talking to a few of your competitors this week
and I'll be inviting offers by Friday.
You're very aggressive.
The king of the jungle don't drink peppermint tea, you know.
Get into bed with me,
you'll be burping BAFTAs and shitting Emmys, yeah?
This may not be in direct contravention
of clause 2.11 of your terms of employment,
but it's in contravention of the spirit of it. Yes?
Also, gentlemen, on a personal level,
can you see how this looks for me?
They want to fill the service up with jumped-up traffic wardens!
Is that who you want next to you when the petrol bombs are coming in?
Eh? Eh? A plastic pig melting away?
We need to have a think how we respond.
I'll tell you how I think we respond.
Apparently, the ARV relief are not picking up their guns.
I think, personally,
~ today, we let the brass know that you don't fuck with the TSG. ~ Yeah.
So if you value the work I've done for you,
then, yes, I'm ordering you.
But, also, I'm saying, let's work together
to create a new paradigm of trust.
Bollocks!
Of course, as you know, legally,
the Police Federation cannot endorse strike action.
I've got a strong feeling there might be bad prawns going around today.
If I don't get home, I'll be shitting through the eye of a needle from 100 yards.
Very important not to come to work
if you think you might be spreading this virulent infection.
Let your mates know, yeah?
We're getting reports of a number of spontaneous street protests
focused on the handling of the investigation
into the shooting of teenager Karl Jeffries.
The Mayor has appealed for calm.
But with a new commissioner yet to be appointed
and reports of unofficial industrial action by some London police,
questions are being raised about security across the capital.
And they can do this?
British police carry weapons at their own discretion.
They can't strike, but as long as they turn up,
they're not in breach of contract.
So your armed police can choose not to be armed?
Can they also choose to be firemen?
Are they policemen or are they fucking philosophers?
What are we going to say?
We have to keep this out of the public sphere.
No-one can know we don't have an armed-response capability.
Right.
That's unfortunate, what you said, off the cuff,
about reopening the investigation.
Obviously, some people believe that I should hang you out to dry.
But I believe that that would look bad for the force as a whole.
So we're sticking together on this.
Yeah, some of the non-firearms-trained senior officers
are willing to go out with Tasers.
~ No. ~ Should we talk to the Home Secretary
about using the Army?
Not yet, no.
Actually, Sharon, can you break out and check on the TSG situation?
I'll talk to Firearms Command.
Can we find some dirt on Charles?
Beef that up into a story.
Sure. Really?
Liz, I'm up for this.
~ We have to do what it takes. ~ Sure. But that is not good tactics.
It could come back and bite us.
We need to be able to play rough.
Can you play rough?
Yes, I can play rough, when I need to.
I'm thinking perhaps it might be judicious for me
to back down now, drop the PCSOs thing.
Well, no, because that's the cornerstone of your pitch.
This is just Finn stirring.
Sure. I've just got negative vibes today.
Tactically, for now, we say I didn't say it.
~ You DID say it. ~ I announced I was GOING to say it.
But I'm not going to say it.
OK.
That's my directive.
~ Won't be long. ~ Well, she's very ambitious.
Yeah? So what? Good. I'm ambitious. You're ambitious.
Nothing wrong with an ambitious woman, Mia.
Look, this could go bent, all right?
It's getting out to the public we have reduced forces to call on.
That's bad. They should get all the PCSOs to put down their big slurps
and stub out their joints and waddle into action.
Yeah, look, I know what's going on,
~ but I need you out there as deterrence... ~ Sorry, Guv.
I need to be near a toilet. I might brown the seats.
You pulling my dong?
Look, when does a revolution happen, Guv?
I don't know.
When wankers go bonkers? I don't know.
When the coercive arm of the state
has more in common with the people in front of them, attacking them,
than they do with the people behind them, paying them.
Nice one, Citizen Clarke.
Oh, so you're talking to me now, are you?
I've always been talking to you, dickhead.
Dickhead. Lovely.
Human garbage bags.
Skin sheaths of festering putrescence.
Yeah, I mean, they're only after some trainers.
Inglis.
Oh, yes, of course, I'll make myself available for interview
at the Home Secretary's convenience.
All good?
Final interview.
Word is, Sharon's got it. Well, that's what's being briefed.
Oh, hello, it's started.
"We're going to need a bigger boat."
As in?
There are no boats.
No, I mean...
I thought it was appropriate.
Would it be appropriate for you to shut up,
until the Acting Commissioner asks for your opinion, Bananaman?
Right, can I just say, that I am a senior police officer
and I refuse to be spoken to in that manner.
And I would like to officially request
to be moved from your staff, sir,
to that of Assistant Commissioner Franklin, sir.
It's been an honour to serve you,
but I think it's best for all concerned if I moved on.
And if there is any hesitation,
I have kept a diary of my treatment over the past weeks.
Of course, Tom.
Well, thank you.
Finn? Can I get two?
Is your diary pink with a lock on it, Tom?
I bet it is, isn't it?
Finn, you need to stop stirring on the "PCSO into cops" idea.
I didn't. I haven't.
Oh, shut up, please.
You stirred up the rank and file, and I know that.
Call off your dogs.
Well, you started this.
You. With your back-of-a-fag-packet PCSO bollocks.
So don't come crying to me now, OK?
I'm not crying, Finn.
I know you lack emotional intelligence, but that's an easy one.
We are in trouble. We need to work together, get it?
We're in more than fucking trouble, Liz.
We are on the verge of a riot
and the armed police won't pick up their guns.
And do you know whose fault that is?
Yours. Pumping up Sharon, reopening the inquiry.
I'm not the one who smeared a young black kid
after he was shot to death, OK?
I bet you were top of your high school class, weren't you?
But you always wanted more, didn't you?
Don't come and Hannibal Lecter me.
I was home-schooled by hippies, as it happens.
I was raised by wolves in a cave. You don't know me.
Why are you even here? It's just a jaunt, isn't it?
It's a fucking gap year for you.
I turned down serious money to come here.
Oh!
So, so kind. Thank you, Miss America!
I came here because I think there's a new way of doing policing
and so did Richard.
And fucking Liz, who washes whiter.
You don't just want to win, you want to win and everyone to love you.
Well, newsflash, I will not let you turn this police force
into some big fucking loofah you use to massage your ego
and then chuck away, as you fuck off to Tibet to relaunch the Dalai Lama
and take some options on Buddhism when it goes public, all right?
Take a look around you.
You're the best thing that's happened to London since the plague.
I know you find it threatening that I believe in something.
You'd like everything to be a shitty joke.
And for everyone to be just like you,
down in the fucking gutter,
smearing black kids, playing some pissing up the wall competition.
You know what I see when I look at you spewing your shit?
A dinosaur -
roaring at monkeys sailing by...
.. on bikes,
with iPads.
I really need to know we're on the same page.
Actually, I need to know we're reading the same book.
What book are you reading?
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Earth.
There's No Oxygen On Mars, You're Fucked. Sorry, Goodbye.
~ It's a good book, isn't it? ~ Sharon.
We are going to change the police force, yes?
Honestly?
Well, yes, obviously honestly.
Yes.
Yes?
Uh-huh.
Yes, but we need to be realistic.
It's very hard to change the force, in my opinion,
~ because it doesn't exist. ~ What doesn't exist?
What is it? Where is it? It's 50,000 different people.
There's nothing to change.
Leadership, Assistant Commissioner.
I can change my office.
I can change him...
and her...
and him.
Just chip, chip, chip.
We have to just do what we can.
It'll be...
It'll be another generation or two, before the culture changes.
But we're part of that.
I'm the change.
Hello, gentlemen.
Liz, Tom needs Finn for his handover.
I need you at Firearms, OK?
Good luck with this, sir.
We've had the Commander and a chief inspector
and someone from the Home Office, and the mood is not good.
Do you want me to suggest some talking points?
I'll get them in the briefing room...
No, let's just, erm, we'll just do it here.
~ In here? ~ Yeah.
Listen in. Quiet, please!
Morning...guys.
I'm here to, er...
I'm here to listen to whatever packet of bollocks
you've been asked to swallow.
But, first, guys, I need to talk to you.
And I need to say a few words that are probably going to make your skin crawl,
because normally, they only get rolled out when you're being asked to take a pay cut,
or do some overtime for the love of the Queen.
But I am going to say "duty".
I'm going to say "nobility".
The nobility of service to your community
and to this great world city.
But listen, erm, this case -
the bin, the whole nightclub operation,
the way you've been treated - we'll examine it.
There'll be some changes to the procedure
in the investigative process
and I'll try to make sure you get all the protection you can.
Things'll get a bit better here, a bit worse there.
A few more forms.
But I'm not going to bullshit you,
they won't change.
Not really. Not much. They can't.
Well, you get judged strictly,
because that is how you know, in your heart, you need to be judged.
Because when you go out there,
the whole force of right-thinking society,
of civilisation,
is concentrated in the sinews in the muscles of your trigger finger.
And I know it makes you sick, cos it makes me sick,
that the great stupid mass of fat, lazy, paper-reading,
Professor Yaffles in their armchairs,
reading the Guardian and wanking...
That they get to...
to stroke their chins and chew for months, for years,
the decisions that you make in a second.
You know what we do about that?
We take it. We just... we just take it.
Because we know who we are.
We know what they are. So fuck them.
And when we're disregarded and beaten down
and smeared and written off -
that isn't when we sack off our duties, no.
That's when we say,
"I'm going to protect you, nevertheless, because I'm a knight.
"I'm a king."
And it's when the city is at its most unruly and peevish
and ungrateful, that we... we say,
"Shush now, I'm here, you're safe."
And we still act like kings,
when all around us are cowards and fakes,
throwing their shit at us.
But you're the best people I know.
And you've got to let this bad feeling pass,
or you'll always feel grubby
and regret the day you left your city undefended.
Thank you.
~ Grant. ~ Liz.
~ Jeremy. ~ Liz.
So, we're looking at large-scale disturbances
in five of the boroughs and rising.
Yes. The mayor could do with a frank, off-the-record
assessment of what they're actually rioting for, Liz.
Unfortunately, they haven't appointed a head rioter
for us to negotiate with.
Is it because of a lack of police on patrol?
I think it's gathering its own momentum.
Anger about the bin footage, the Karl Jefferies shooting,
rumours about no cops.
There seem to be some kids in Brent,
angry about the World Cup going to Qatar.
It's all very, very combustible.
I think we need visible leadership.
We agree - and the Home Office and the Mayor's office
have agreed to accelerate the appointment of the new commissioner,
following final interview.
It's Hillary versus Obama. We're happy with either.
We just have to convince the Home Secretary they have an iron grip.
Granular detail.
But we feel that Hillary's the reform candidate.
I mean, what about that offer to use British Transport Police
to arrest striking officers?
Ballsy.
Berwick.
Thank you so much for coming, sir...
Arresting our own? Can you hear that sound?
That's Richard, turning like a rotisserie chicken in his coffin.
'Crowds gathering are violent. Other units...'
'PCSOs requesting urgent backup.'
Charles, can I speak to you for a moment?
Well, let me guess, you're going to stop the riots with the power of new media?
Ask Jeeves to stop the civil disturbance?
Very hip joke, sir.
Look, I think you should be the next Commissioner.
Well, I agree with you.
~ I've seen Sharon up close. ~ Yes...
Some people, when they get up high and the air's too thin,
they start throwing stuff out of the balloon.
First, the sandbags, then the picnic, then they're looking at you.
She was going to arrest her own guys.
Yes, well, I've known Sharon a long time and that doesn't surprise me.
Watching you give your speech, I thought you were really impressive.
Is this your pitch to work for me?
Thank you for your input, but I...
Look, I liked your speech but it was bullshit.
OK, thanks, Liz, you're quite the sweet talker.
Build the fortress walls higher? Huddle up?
You need to lose that mentality and you need someone like me
running your PR or you're going to have a short, disastrous
tenure as Commissioner, if you can persuade them in the first place.
Why should I trust you?
Because I already nailed a story about you being a shoplifter.
I am prepared to support you and if you want me, great,
and if you don't...
.. I'm going to walk.
I'll think about it.
Mia, we're switching horses.
So, thanks for meeting us.
~ You're probably wondering what this is all about? ~ Yeah.
So, listen. You know Matt, our camera guy?
~ Yeah. ~ Well, a little birdie's told us
~ that Matt is hawking around some footage he's got of you. ~ Yeah?
He's giving it large about what's on it.
"Something amazing.
"Something that's going to bring down western civilisation," yeah.
Some admission of wrongdoing by you? Secret filming? He won't show it.
He's keeping his copy locked down.
~ But I thought you might like to know. ~ Yeah.
I mean, from our end, he could do some very serious damage with this.
He could get us closed down.
We want to get the toerag expunged. Stopped. Deleted.
For the good of society.
Primarily society.
But we were thinking, from your end, you might want to,
I don't know, talk to lawyers...
.. mates.
Right, we're getting reports of outbreaks of looting
across Balham, Tooting, spreading Clapham North, and East Putney.
Some gunplay in Loughborough Junction.
Now, you all heard the big man, and I suppose the question is,
are you coppers or not?
What do you reckon, Banje?
Yeah, all right.
I'm a king, or a knight.
I'm the Count of Twatty Christo. Just send us out.
Right. Trojan 134, 144, 154. Details as you deploy.
Thing about a riot is, the chance of any actual gunplay?
Virtually zero, mate.
'Trojan 131 to assist Haymond Gardens, New Cross.
'Anonymous call to an IC3 male acting suspiciously.
'Caller states he may have seen a handgun.'
Trojan 134 in progress.
Whoa, shall we not let Baker's mob get this?
Yeah, well, I've answered it now, haven't I?
Well, hit the drama, then.
All right, guys, possible firearm. Let's just take it easy, lads, yeah?
I'll lead, all right? You got me Banje, yeah?
You're fucking keen, ain't ya?
Armed police! Come to the door with your hands in view.
Armed police!
~ Robbie? ~ Armed police, let me see your hands.
~ Let me see your fucking hands! ~ Rob, don't you know him?
Come here. Get down. Get down, man.
Have you got any weapons on these premises, eh?
~ No, what the fuck! ~ Hey, Banje. Cuff him. Cuff him.
What's going on, eh?
Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth! Keep still.
All I want to... What's happening?
Right, local are here, what's this...
Rob, what are you doing? What the fuck?
Get up. Tony, get him in the van.
Oh, wait, van? Van? I ain't done nothing. What van? Where am I going?
Here's how this breaks down. I'm going to do a quick search.
Robbie, what the fuck is going on?
Just trust me on this one. We've got to do this now. I'll explain later.
~ Tell me what you're doing, yeah? ~ All right. You want to know? Right, fucking quick.
The kid you shot, yes? He did have a gun.
But it was in his pants, so I put it where it should've been,
where it was.
Hang on. He didn't have a...
Exactly. No thanks required. We're mates, right?
He didn't have a gun?
Look, Matt, the camera guy... I told him, didn't I?
Oh, what? Why did you do that?
Because he's a fucking snake, ain't he? He was filming me secretly.
The kid didn't have a gun?
Right, he's with local. What the fuck is going on, lads?
~ You want... ~ You don't want to know. ~ No?
The kid I shot. The gun wasn't in his hand, and Robbie moved the weapon.
La-la-la-la...
Right, so we've got two options.
I'm finished, done, toast, and you're fucking toast.
~ I'll go down, mate. ~ We both go down, mate. Cops in jail.
Cum in the porridge, razors in the shower. No. No fucking way.
Right, so press option two. Right? I sweep the flat.
We bag all the footage. Simple.
No, no, no... This is fucking heavy-duty. This isn't me, mate.
~ Come on, man. ~ He's going to squeal. This won't work.
It will work if we fucking make it work, won't it?
He's going to shout all about it.
Oh, right, he'll squeal, yeah?
I mean, if we get it all, what's he going to do? What's he going to say, eh?
We just put our fingers in our ear and say, prove it, mate,
the kid's talking bollocks.
~ A kid who spent a month filming you? ~ Exactly.
Little black kid who's got a grudge, trying to fuck us up.
It's standard, innit?
Let's do it.
Do it, do it.
Mate, you're stitching me up.
Yeah, we hear that a lot. It's cleared of firearms, lads.
But a substantial quantity of herbal marijuana from a visual.
He might have binned the gun, who knows?
Robbie.
Governor says there's rioting in Deptford now.
What do you reckon, Clarkey? Shall we respond?
Got the brass nuts for it?
Now they need us. Now they send for us.
Yeah, well that's how it works, isn't it, Clarkey? That's what we signed up for.
We don't get paid the good money for the days we sit on the carrier.
This is the day we get paid for.
No-one needs a bloke anymore, do they? Unless everything goes bent.
I want to move in with you.
You do know that, don't you?
Yeah, sure. But when?
Wait till he gets off, wait till the bin footage dies down,
wait for Easter, wait for the new fucking iPhone to come out.
Look, I know this whole thing has been a complete mess,
but I like you.
Yeah, well, it's very hard for me to trust you, you know?
Because I've made a lot of gestures but we're still sneaking round
and keeping it quiet.
Nobbo?
What now?
Me and Clarkey have been riding each other raw for years.
Now we're going legal.
Fuck off.
Fuck off!
~ Fuck off, serious? ~ Serious.
We're moving in together and everyone's going to find out,
so, we wanted you to be first.
Fuck me. Under my nose!
Story of the century!
Right. Things are getting serious out there.
It's all going bent round the South Circular.
Now, the ARV are going out. What about you?
We'll see what we can do.
Thank you.
Right, then.
Right. Prawns are back on the menu.
I mean, the little prick was filming me on the sly.
He lied to me and he cheated me.
Banjo would go down and I'd go down. And for what?
Nah, we just did a clean-up job, that's all.
Boo-hoo, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
The defendant says he had incriminating film of a police officer.
~ We stick together. ~ All for one, eh?
'You have one new voicemail.'
'Banje. I think we need to have that talk.
'Erm... I'm on duty now, but I'll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?
'Bye.'
Whoa!
You all right, mate?
Oh, fuck this. Where are they?
I thought I'd be cracking chavs' heads like they were boiled eggs.
I'm, erm, just going to...
All right, boss, mind if we just use the facilities?
~ Are you wanting a coffee? ~ Sorry?
~ It's just toilets are customer use only. ~ Right.
What, and you're going to stick to that, are you? For us?
~ That's the situation. ~ That's the situation?
That's the situation. Otherwise, we'll be cleaning them all day.
What do we get out of it, from our point of view?
Brilliant.
'Throughout the city,
'the Mayor returned to praise and thank the professionalism...'
Just checking the facilities, boss.
Equipment check.
Heads up, lads.
Clarkey. Forming up.
'Forming up, Clarkey.
'Clarkey?
~ 'Clarkey?' ~ Oh, fuck.
'Clarkey?'
'Have you checked the battery on yours? Clarkey?'
Corner!
Forward!
On the right.
Hold!
Here we go.
Keep the line!
And you don't think we should just say, "Not today. Not now. More prep."
No. This is it, today. It's not an interview.
~ I mean, I'm across everything. ~ Philosophically, you're impregnable, ma'am.
When you say "ma'am" I feel like I'm the Queen and I don't like it.
Apologies, Assistant Commissioner.
Assistant Commissioner, thank you for making time to come in today.
Oh, that's fine. Nothing much going on today.
Oh, I thought that you'd be operationally over-stretched
with the civil disturbance?
No, yes. I was joking.
Oh, I see. You were making a joke about the riot?
No, I was making light of the...
Perhaps we could start by going through the various commands
a commissioner has under them and what the current force levels
are and what sort of adjustments you would envisage making in those?
Yes.
I was thinking of talking about the conceptualisation of
law enforcements in terms of natural law and Thomas Aquinas and...
So, you'll forgive me if I talk in broad terms?
Well, talk in broad terms if you must and we'll see, shall we...
.. if we forgive you?
Fucking bloodbath.
They cut my belly open, pulled my entrails out,
and showed them to me, we all had a bit of a laugh,
and then I had to eat them, while they watched.
One always feels there's room for improvement in an interview process.
It was like there were three men watching me
take the most difficult shit in the world.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
I mean, why wasn't I aware?
You were definitely told that would be informal?
That is the impression I was given.
Fuck. What just happened? I've been fucked. I've been sand-bagged.
Maybe you can play rough.
Assistant Commissioner.
Charles.
How's it looking?
We're praying for Inspector Rain to move in.
Met Office have said it's, what, 50/50?
Beck's is a no-go and we've had to retreat in Ealing.
Home Secretary?
Uh-huh.
Well, no, thank you.
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Commissioner.
~ Congratulations. ~ Congratulations, Charles.
Liz.
Right, erm, I need to meet the Prime Minister. Liz, Finn.
We're wanted at Lambeth Command.
Tom, you're not with the groom's party. You're with me.
So, what's our line on the riots?
Mmm...
I'll tell the Prime Minister we have a full force on the streets.
We're drafting in more backup from the regions.
Jesus!
Shit, what's... This is the Commissioner, what's going on?
'We're just taking you south, Commissioner.
'It's got a lot worse, I'm afraid. It's spreading to Central London.'
Shit! Stop the car.
Can we get through?
'There's no way through. Turn around. Turn around.
'Requesting backup.'
Fucking back up!
~ Reverse! ~ I can't. We need to reverse.
Go, go, go, go!
Get us out of here!
All right, Frank. Find us another route.
Yes, I know there is a riot happening.
I'm in the middle of it.
I'll fuckin' do ya!
Hold the line!
Hold the line, lads.
Hold the line!
Stay back.
Get back! Stay back!
Come on!
Stay back. Keep clear.
Come on. Let's have it!
~ Please! ~ Fuck off! ~ Let me through!
You might want to review your toilet policy, mate.
You seem to have angered some local patrons.
Go on, then.
Where you going? Come back here.
Come on!
Get back. Stay back!
Stay back!
Fucking get back! Get back!
Erm, he's insisted on coming to see you directly.
Mia, I'm too busy.
~ It's about the Karl Jefferies shooting. ~ OK...
If he's an oddball, call and ask for a peppermint tea, yeah?
Hi. How can I help you?
Hi. Yeah, I, erm... I wanted to see you.
~ This should go to DPS. ~ Provisional Standards?
Yeah, but DPS has a certain reputation and...
Sorry, I, erm, saw you give a talk at Paddington Green about openness,
and, erm...
Can I trust you?
Yeah. You can trust me, absolutely. Do you want to...
Yeah.
The Prime Minister has appealed for calm as he announced that
police are now largely in control of London this evening.
He went on to say he had every confidence in newly appointed
Commissioner Charles Inglis being able to return calm to the city,
despite reports of widespread looting
in the wake of today's disturbances.
I think this is how I would have wanted to go out.
Democracy. You know? Freedom. Hmm?
Equality? Maybe.
Fucking good nails. That's what I want to go down defending.
What you doing here? I said we'd talk later.
~ It's all right, love. ~ You all right, Clarkey?
~ Banjo, we're on duty. ~ Yeah, I know.
See, something ain't felt right lately, and, er,
I realised what it was.
Yeah, someone's had his prick up my missus.
For God's sake, Banjo, come on.
Now, in nature, if that happened to a stag,
they'd find the other stag, go, "Oi, tuck your cock away, give
"those antlers a polish, cos you and me are going to have a straightener."
~ A straightener? ~ Yeah, a straightener. Are you deaf or fuckin' what, cunt?
No, mate, no. Not here.
~ I want a fight. ~ Well, I don't want a fight.
Well, you see, I really, really want to fight.
You're being a prick, Banjo.
Right, now if I start fighting you, yeah?
Very little you can do to avoid being in the fight, is there?
~ We can't just stand here! ~ It's OK, just leave them be.
Now, if you don't fight, makes it quite easy for me.
And, also, if you do fight, then I'm quids in,
cos that's what I want, innit?
A fuckin' fight. So...
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let them have it out.
~ Ahh, shit. ~ Right, that's enough.
Fuck it. I'm going in.
Stay down. Are you all right, Clarkey?
~ Get off my throat. ~ Stay down, Banjo.
Calm down, pal. Stay there. Stay there. Calm down. It's over.
Stay. You got him. Calm down.
Yeah, that's exactly what I did.
I thought you'd want to know.
Banjo fucked up. You got it right.
I think you should make a statement.
~ Yeah? ~ Get back on the team.
Er... No, thanks, mate.
Buddy, we can have a word.
You'll get reinstated and in a month, you'll...
Why not?
Cos I don't like shooting people any more.
Turns out, it don't feel very nice.
Warwick, you were just doing the job, mate.
Yeah, I know. I did the right thing.
Did the job.
But you know what?
It's not a very nice fucking job, and I ain't doing it any more.
♪ Millions of people swarming like flies round
♪ Waterloo underground
♪ But Terry and Julie cross over the river... ♪
Yeah, that's exactly what I did.
~ I have to say, I don't think we should even be looking at this. ~ Oh, Christ.
This is... It's... It's inappropriate.
~ It should go to professional standards. ~ Oh, you do love your procedures, don't you?
Call a committee, put on the gloves,
maybe they can tell you what's in front of your fucking eyes?
So, we've seen it. Big deal.
Who knows if he's even telling the truth?
What do you want us to do?
Put it up.
We give it to Gavin and we put it up.
You are amazing.
Just when I think you've gone to your most bat-shit
MacBook-in-a-yurt-fucking-cuckoo, bang!
You... you take it up a level.
This is the perfect response to the garbage can footage.
We will show you something ten times more damaging, ourselves.
We are just, just getting control of the city back.
Do I need to read you the Riot Act?
The last line is, "Do not restart the fucking riot."
It would establish him as an unimpeachable advocate of openness and reform.
~ Sub judice. ~ Not until somebody's charged.
Look, if I'd shagged my boss and he'd killed himself, I might be a
bit more wary about making everything open and transparent 24/7.
Tell me, Finn, what would you do with this?
I would take this to the DPS and I would let them investigate.
And then I personally would use whatever legal
and technical arguments I could to delay or stop the release of this damaging material.
You think you can stamp on something like this?
Charles? He's taken it around town. Rumours. Copies.
Gavin, me, the kid who filmed it, the cop who brought it in.
What are you going to do, kill them? Gag them?
Wait for the riot to start the day it does come out?
Because it definitely will.
Is there a chance that this might calm things down, out there,
us coming clean?
Fuck knows. No. Yes.
Twice as bad, half as bad. Who knows?
Look, I'm not saying put it up because I'm some fucking crusader who wants to die riding into battle.
I'm telling you that this is our only winning option.
It would prejudice any future case.
Finn, when you came to me I listened to you.
Charles is the best man for the job. Now, listen to me.
This is going to come out. That's definite.
And when it does it will be very fucking bad. Police murder.
Evidence tampering. Us on the defensive, again.
Hiding behind procedures, again.
Expressing sorrow, again.
What if, for the first time, we throw the doors open?
What do you think?
I don't know how we got to this fucking position.
Honestly. Honestly, I don't know.
Maybe she has a point.
Maybe.
Robert Vass?
Neil Bancroft?
Quiet everyone, please. Quiet. Thank you.
Thank you for being here.
I'm Commissioner Charles Inglis,
and this is the Head of Communications, Liz Garvey.
In a moment we're going to be presenting some video material.
We are taking the unusual, I think unprecedented step of bringing
to light, today, material which suggests dishonourable
behaviour by one of our officers.
But, firstly, can I say that we have seen disgraceful...
When this hits the streets, they are going to explode.
And I will be bringing the full force of the law to
bear on any future instances of public disorder.
You are going to be seeing from this force a new era of transparency,
but matched with an uncompromising challenge to lawlessness
wherever it is found.
OK. Could you play the footage, please?