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PHOEBE: Previously on,
Girlfriends' Guide To Divorce...
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I'm starting a line.
Infant Fabuleux.
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00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,668
(GASPS) I love it.
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Fine jewelry for infants.
Brilliant.
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Why don't you figure out
what's making you so angry?
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That makes me angry.
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Stop telling me I'm angry.
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Associates don't
reschedule meetings.
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It is a shame, but
your kids come first.
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Am I in trouble?
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The rules in the school
handbook are very clear.
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Parent volunteers
may not send a proxy.
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The case worker's
coming tonight.
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Treat this dinner
like any other, okay?
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Oh!
Mom!
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It's okay.
No, it's not.
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I looked like an idiot.
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We had a deal.
No others until they're significant.
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Maybe she is.
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Did it ever occur to you that
maybe Becca is significant to me?
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MELISSA: Back Burner Baby.
What?
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It's the thing in the
mommy market right now.
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MELISSA: Cleo Stevens is
a real inspiration.
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CLEO: Uh, one rule?
More time for yourself.
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I mean, otherwise you're just
going to have a nervous breakdown
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00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,788
like Abby McCarthy.
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I think that bitch
just stepped to me.
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Ripped By mstoll
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(PANTING)
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Jesus, woman.
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I told you I wanted to work
out, but you're killing me!
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What? If you wanna get your
steps over 14,000, come on.
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Are you a Fitbit person?
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Hell, yeah, I am.
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I have to be stepping
everything up right now.
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You know, this whole
Cleo Stevens thing.
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Back-burner bitch?
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(SIGHS)
Screw her.
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She made me the laughingstock
of the mommy lit world, so...
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No.
That is totally true.
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Right? Yes, and
now I have to
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present a whole new me
to my editors,
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Delia's got me on this cleanse,
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and I just gotta be focused
and clear and undeniable.
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I've got something
that will get your
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undeniable juices flowing.
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Vegas.
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That is not how I thought that sentence...
Yes.
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...was gonna end.
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Delia and I are
going this weekend.
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It's my big photo shoot
for Infant Fabuleux,
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and it's the baby styles
convention, which... Oh, no.
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No? No! I am persona non
grata at that thing now.
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Oh, come on, you won't
even know it's happening.
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It's gonna be
all style, no baby,
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and you can work there by the pool.
Mmm-hmm.
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And I will be working, too.
Mmm-hmm.
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And when we're not working,
we're gonna be wiggling.
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(IN SING-SONG) We can wiggle,
wiggle, wiggle. We can wiggle.
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You know what...
Oh, my God. We can wiggle, wiggle.
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I'm so sorry.
You guys wiggle,
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but I actually have
a career to save, so...
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Mmm, okay.
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Invite Lyla!
She loves Vegas!
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Wow, that is not how I thought
that sentence was gonna end.
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Come on, pick it up, pick it up.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
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Let's do it. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, push it.
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ABBY:
Oh, my God, push it.
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(MUSIC CONTINUES)
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(BECCA MOANING)
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Ah!
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(BOTH MOANING)
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(PANTING)
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Oh!
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Oh, that was a workout.
(LAUGHS)
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Amazing.
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(GROANS)
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Yeah. It was great.
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Yeah, that was great?
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It was a little more than great.
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I know, I just...
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It's always so
physical, you know?
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Yes. It's sex.
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By definition, physical.
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No, I mean...
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We've never really
made love, you know?
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No, I don't know.
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Really?
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Come on.
Hold on.
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Like, when your hearts are open,
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and it's not just
two bodies connecting.
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(STAMMERING)
It's emotional.
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It's deep.
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Yeah.
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You've never felt
like that before?
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Sure, I have.
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I mean, we're still new.
We'll get there.
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Well, I feel it for you.
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I guess I'm just
not getting it back.
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No, no, hey.
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Come here. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
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Come here. Hey.
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Hey.
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We're...
We're great together.
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Let's not overthink it.
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It's not about thinking,
Jake, it's about...
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It's about feeling.
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Look, I know you have
so much going on right now,
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but you're really
emotionally blocked.
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I know.
I have this guy.
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It sounds lame,
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but he's really helped me
just let go of a lot of stuff.
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Your shrink?
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Like a shaman.
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I know.
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Look, I...
I need this from you.
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Please.
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Okay. Fine.
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So I'm thinking that
my next book will be
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Private School Confidential.
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"Rules of navigating
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"the shark-infested waters of the poshest
private schools in the country."
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You would not believe what
goes on at these places.
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I'm telling you, it's...
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I don't even know why somebody
hasn't done this already.
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What are you looking for?
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Mmm, sorry.
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Salt junkie.
Yeah, it really adds taste.
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I'm sure it's just me
being lame and hung-over,
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but how is that not just
another Girlfriends' Guide?
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Uh, for one thing, it's not
about me or my family,
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uh, but it's still in my zone.
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It's the parenting market.
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Abby, no offense, but, readers
don't want your advice about
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anything parenting related,
not anymore.
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Light bulb, what about divorce?
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That's an area you could
write the crap out of.
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(CHUCKLING)
Yeah, I could do that.
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Or I could just slit my wrist and write
about what it feels like to bleed out.
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Exactly.
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It's what makes
your books so great.
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I mean, you take on
changes in life,
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and you're so witty
and self-deprecating.
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Yes, but this is divorce.
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This is painful and sad.
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And no one wants
to read about it.
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I don't know.
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People like dark.
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Cleo Stevens is pretty dark,
and it's working for her.
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So we are rocking the park
when Neo says she's hungry.
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I just reach into my
designer diaper bag
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and pull out some
homemade organic baby food.
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Yeah, right.
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Who am I, Abby McCarthy?
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(LAUGHS) Hell, no.
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I forgot the frickin'
baby food! (LAUGHS)
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But I didn't forget
my delicious turkey sub.
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Mom-hood does not have
to be that hard.
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Watch me make baby food.
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Mmm.
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Mmm, mmm, mmm.
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Mmm.
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Mmm-hmm.
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ABC turkey.
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Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo.
Ew.
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Okay, first of all,
Missy trashed my book idea
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and told me I should
write about divorce.
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Too soon.
This is what I'm saying.
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Then, I watch another
Cleo Stevens clip.
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Please stop doing that.
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I know, I know, I know.
I'm torturing myself.
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Maybe I should get out of town.
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Are you going to Vegas?
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Vegas? Are you?
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You know, Phoebe, she's doing
the whole baby-style event,
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which we can avoid, right?
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Yeah, so...
So you guys are...
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I really need to
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not be alone, and you could
really use the distraction.
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And just don't let the fact that
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Delia's coming, bother you.
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Yeah, I, um...
I wouldn't let that stop me. I...
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Perfect.
I'm in if you're in.
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(EXHALES)
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Wow. Dear lord!
Yeah.
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How high are you guys planning on getting?
I know.
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Pot dispensaries are like
target for stoners.
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You cannot leave without
spending less than $200.
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Oh, I am going lollipop.
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Slow and steady.
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Pot goldfish are not
on my cleanse.
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And anyway, I'm not
gonna party this weekend.
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I'm just gonna do some spa time,
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chill by the pool
with my Kindle.
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Mellow Vegas.
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Wait for a book idea
to bubble up.
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"Mellow" and "Vegas".
That sounds like an oxymoron.
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00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,796
Yeah, well, that's... that's my plan.
Fun.
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00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,198
In case it's, like, right on the end...
Yeah.
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00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,599
Um, you know
what I'm talking about.
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00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,159
...it's so good.
Yeah.
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00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,753
Wait.
Hello, ladies.
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00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,992
Hi.
Lyla, what are you doing here?
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00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,479
Well, Abby mentioned it.
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00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,156
Last one in the car
is a rotten friend.
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00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,392
PHOEBE: (WHISPERING)
Oh, my God.
207
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,829
Oh, my God.
208
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,632
- You should have told me you
weren't inviting her. - I know!
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00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,358
I should have.
It's just everything has been
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00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,555
so difficult with her, recently.
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00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,595
And with the photo shoot,
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00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,477
a fight is the
last thing I needed.
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00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,118
And she hates me.
Yeah.
214
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:07,829
She does, I'm sorry.
215
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,990
But look, she's going through
a hideous custody battle,
216
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,036
- she's on pins and needles about
the caseworker's report. - I know.
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00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,237
I mean, maybe this trip
is exactly what she needs.
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00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,790
Or maybe this trip
is exactly what she needs.
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00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,871
ABBY: No.
Oh, yes.
220
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,550
Oh, yes.
221
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,517
Oh, yes, it is, goldfish.
222
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,953
SHAMAN DEREK:
Lion's breath.
223
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,873
Everyone, breathe in and...
224
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:29,915
(INHALING)
225
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,189
(EXHALING)
226
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,040
Now, the breath
can be a bit odd.
227
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,997
You know, showing off
all your bad dental work.
228
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,479
Maybe that's just
if you're English.
229
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,229
And that's why we're here, yeah?
230
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,152
Break through the inhibitions.
231
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,071
Let the truth come forward.
232
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,435
But are we prepared
for our journey
233
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,631
to self-revelation
through Ayahuasca?
234
00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,991
I totally Googled it, and
there's conflicting reports
235
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,039
about the possibilities of,
um, you know, death.
236
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,792
Of course, it's a
completely natural herb,
237
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,949
ancient, opens your heart.
238
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,474
Right, I'm just prone to allergies,
so I'm just making sure.
239
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,279
Do you know CPR?
Absolutely. Don't be worried.
240
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,509
Taken correctly,
it's completely safe.
241
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,875
Great.
Now, to be fully prepared,
242
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,632
we must fast, yeah?
243
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,073
What... I'm sorry,
what...
244
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,469
Prepared to trip?
245
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,755
Prepared to trip balls?
246
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,876
It's gonna be totally fine, I promise.
I'm just... The distinction.
247
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,518
I'm just asking.
I'm just asking.
248
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:29,749
Are we good?
Yeah.
249
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,353
Yeah, you checked in or checked out?
In.
250
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,908
I mean, look at this face.
I'm checked in.
251
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,233
Great! Now, okay.
252
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,233
Before we are imbibing, we need to
cleanse the body, cleanse the mind.
253
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:45,235
Twelve hours of fasting
to purify the body,
254
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,034
purify the spirit.
255
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,038
You'll be so thankful for an empty
belly once the vomiting starts.
256
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:56,754
LYLA: I'm so high.
257
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,314
My cheeks hurt.
258
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,231
(CHANTING) Om.
It's like pins and needles, dome.
259
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,435
Om...
Om.
260
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,509
...to the dome.
261
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,874
Guys, can you just keep
it down a little bit?
262
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,279
I have a horrible headache.
263
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,793
'Cause you're
reading in the car.
264
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,279
You're reading in the car.
265
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,635
But here, you know,
I think if you
266
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,917
enunciated "Om",
it could alleviate...
267
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:15,869
Om.
268
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:18,675
(CHANTING) No.
269
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,876
Lyla, Lyla, loo-loo, Lyla.
270
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,313
Lyla, I love you.
271
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,152
I love your little face.
272
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,994
I love you too, but, my custody thing is...
It is driving me nuts.
273
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,310
Lyla, we are totally
going to distract you.
274
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,199
Vegas is the best.
275
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,748
Do you want a little fishy
in your mouth, Abby?
276
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,196
Look at the little fishy
come into your mouth?
277
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,077
Abby. It wants to have a
little home in your mouth.
278
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,991
DELIA: Fishy.
PHOEBE: Come on.
279
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,389
You guys, I'm working.
But you're not working. You're not.
280
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,789
You're reading Cleo's YouTube channel.
PHOEBE: No!
281
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,632
Is that what you're doing now?
That's not working.
282
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,675
See?
PHOEBE: Oh, my God.
283
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:49,749
LYLA:
Why would you do that?
284
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,719
"Abby McCarthy is a lying, slutty,
old hag who needs Botox."
285
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,349
PHOEBE:
Doesn't even make sense.
286
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,671
How can you be a
"slutty, old hag"?
287
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,159
No one would want
to sleep with you.
288
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,715
LYLA: That's your take-away
from that?
289
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:03,710
PHOEBE: Well, actually...
290
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:04,755
Hang on one second.
291
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,512
First of all,
that's not at all...
292
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,555
Guys, you know what?
293
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,710
Stoned, stoned...
Secondly, there's someone for everyone.
294
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,234
Stoned conversations are
only funny to stoned people.
295
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,639
LYLA: Sexuality is fluid.
296
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,233
She's being an ageist,
she's also
297
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,356
being unkind to her own
gender for not taking issue
298
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:18,509
with that comment.
(GROANS)
299
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:28,909
Oh.
Oh, my!
300
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,149
Oh, my!
301
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,759
Hello, hello, hello.
302
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,513
Phoebe's in love!
303
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,636
Show us the way to the VIP
sundeck, will you, doll face?
304
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,629
LYLA: We need a drink.
305
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,675
Abby, do you want a drink?
306
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,079
Oh, my God.
WOMAN: Oh, sorry.
307
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:48,192
No, I just want a lemon
water with cayenne.
308
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,716
Oh, my God.
309
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,711
Four hibiscus margaritas, coming up.
No, no, no, no, no.
310
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,995
I really do want lemon water.
With, with the cayenne.
311
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,832
Abby, darling, I am not
gonna get you that.
312
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,115
You created this monster.
313
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,679
DELIA: I didn't mean for this weekend.
Hey, Delia,
314
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,910
look, drinks are coming to us.
315
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,797
Are those girls wearing onesies?
Yes, they are.
316
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:05,869
Chardonnay or pinot?
317
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,996
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes, thank you.
318
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,036
You're welcome.
Thank you.
319
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,157
It's mommy's special medicine,
courtesy of Cleo Stevens.
320
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,629
- She's celebrating her new
book, Back-Burner Baby. - Yeah.
321
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,438
And she's doing a book
signing tomorrow morning.
322
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,033
Here, take an invite.
No, thank you.
323
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,314
Absolutely not.
No, thank you.
324
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,798
I'm so sorry, Abby.
It's not your fault.
325
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,074
I should have thought.
Of course she's here.
326
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,718
She's got a book to promote.
327
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,749
And she's doing
the opening speech?
328
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:30,749
After one book!
329
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,717
Oh, honey, take a break.
Have a baba.
330
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,836
I am not having a baba.
331
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,070
I'm just gonna go up to
the room, and I'm gonna
332
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,673
cleanse quietly by myself.
333
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,512
You guys enjoy, really.
Have fun.
334
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,589
Have fun.
335
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,515
This is weirdly satisfying.
336
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,635
It tastes good.
337
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,676
That Cleo bitch is a genius.
Mmm.
338
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,669
Mmm.
Oh, my god. This place is insane.
339
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,273
After our treatments, we have
to try this Arctic Ice Room.
340
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,839
It snows.
No way.
341
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,069
DELIA: It's really good for
tightening your pores.
342
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,119
And for people
who can't chill out.
343
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,394
No report yet?
344
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,755
You know how it is. You know,
this stuff goes on and on and on.
345
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:13,875
Lyla, it's gonna be fine.
346
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,599
And if it isn't, the firm will
make sure it is. Blow me.
347
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,477
DELIA: Abby.
God, this is so ridiculous.
348
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,515
Oh, my God.
349
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,875
I'm telling you, you have to hear this.
This is such bullshit.
350
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,188
Listen to this.
351
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,192
"Bath time. It's exhausting,
and it conflicts
352
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,350
"with mama's chance
to get her wine on,
353
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,589
"so skip it.
354
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,671
"If you're washing your kid's
hair more than once a week,
355
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,512
"no wonder you're too cranky
to lather up your husband."
356
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,638
Yes, she's filthy, but you
cannot let it get to you.
357
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,676
Just give me the iPad. Just
hand me the iPad right now.
358
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:39,954
No.
Just give me the iPad.
359
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,678
Can you please keep it down?
360
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:42,829
This is the quiet room.
361
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:43,955
Sorry.
Sorry.
362
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,109
We're not quiet.
363
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,031
And that book saved my life.
364
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,030
Really?
365
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,109
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
366
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,189
I'm so curious.
367
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,555
Which chapter spoke to you?
368
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,109
Was it perhaps,
"Brush off brushing teeth"?
369
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,189
Excuse me, ma'am.
370
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:57,633
This is the third time.
371
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,119
I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave...
372
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,633
I'm not leaving because
I'm not gonna let some
373
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,950
Cleo Stevens groupie
steal my massage!
374
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,075
Oh, my God.
375
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,388
Are you Abby McCarthy?
376
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,513
Okay.
Okay, and we're going.
377
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,794
DELIA: Time to go.
LYLA: Sorry.
378
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,077
I will have you know that your hero
is an advocate for child abuse.
379
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,034
Relax, or we'll
water-board you.
380
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,792
You must stop taking
everything so seriously.
381
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,233
Abby. Abby.
I hate this cleanse.
382
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,231
Mellow Vegas, not happening.
383
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,435
It is not happening.
No.
384
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,112
I can't do it anymore.
385
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,151
My head feels like
it has bees in it.
386
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,748
No more cleanse, no more reflection.
You need real Vegas.
387
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:29,909
PHOEBE: The one with the good times.
DELIA: Yeah.
388
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,036
The one where you're not ruining
everybody else's good time.
389
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,348
Can you do that?
390
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,194
I'm so sorry.
391
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,113
I'm done with my Cleo obsession, I promise.
Let's do it.
392
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,351
Yes. Ladies, let's tear it up.
393
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,794
(MUSIC PLAYING)
394
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,275
Cheers!
395
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,315
ALL: Cheers!
396
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,278
Cheers, yes!
397
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:00,835
Hmm.
398
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,239
PHOEBE: Abby, Abby,
Abby, Abby, Abby!
399
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,436
That is tequila and champagne.
400
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,589
You've been detoxing
for three days,
401
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,352
so your liver's like
a little virgin.
402
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,032
Now I am re-toxing.
403
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,558
And I am reengaging.
404
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,950
I am so sorry that
I have been so gone.
405
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,600
Lyla, what's happening
with the custody?
406
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,238
PHOEBE: No, we're not
talking about that.
407
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,753
Got it. Lyla...
408
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,315
We need to get you laid.
409
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,594
Oh, my God, yes. When was
the last time you had sex?
410
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,831
And Dan doesn't count, because
that was a felonious lay.
411
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,434
Felonious?
Lyla, are you not having sex?
412
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,475
Oh, please.
413
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,836
Lyla, talk about why you two
hate each other, exactly.
414
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,195
I don't... We don't hate each other.
We don't.
415
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,393
Got off on the wrong foot?
Agreed.
416
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,551
She threatened me. I threatened her.
Next subject.
417
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,437
Phoebe.
Yes?
418
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,509
Ad shoot.
419
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,874
Do you need any help with the
model babies in the morning?
420
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,793
Yes, I do, because I'm styling
the entire thing myself.
421
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,279
Wow.
So, yes, will you come?
422
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,315
I am there!
423
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,674
I mean, what else am I gonna do?
424
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,069
Am I gonna go to
Cleo Stevens' book signing?
425
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,389
Merman!
426
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,634
My merman, can I have
another Sagebush?
427
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,199
Sagebrush. Sage...
428
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,032
Didn't you know that
he was a merman?
429
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,076
Do you know that he has a tail?
It's a secret.
430
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,151
I think the merman thinks
that you've had enough.
431
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,195
You need to eat.
432
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,032
Can you bring some water?
You need to eat something.
433
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:15,997
Oh, good idea. 'Cause you
didn't lay a bread base.
434
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,195
ABBY: Oh, my God.
435
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,436
Mellow Vegas was so boring.
436
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,392
I want party Vegas.
437
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,435
Party Vegas!
438
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,078
Yeah, cheers to that!
439
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,388
ALL: Cheers!
Oh!
440
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,038
Whoo!
441
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,512
Oh! (GROANS)
442
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,073
I'm ruining our trip.
443
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,758
I'm a party downer.
444
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,232
And a social-media pariah.
445
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,834
Ladies, this is Las Vegas.
446
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,952
We just need
a new plan of attack.
447
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,833
We could play slots.
448
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,638
Slots? No.
449
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,313
ALL: Whoo-hoo-hoo!
450
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,355
Come on, baby!
451
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,351
Come on, come on, come on.
Let's see it, let's see it.
452
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,115
BLACKJACK DEALER:
And dealer gets 17.
453
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,918
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
Yes, that's good!
454
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,194
Yay!
Boom!
455
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,271
Boom! Five, five in a row.
456
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,671
Now, it's six!
That was exciting.
457
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,399
Yep!
It can't last.
458
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,277
Oh, free massage.
459
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,315
Free massage.
460
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,230
Are you not going to bet?
No, aforementioned career crisis.
461
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,435
What? Don't stop.
462
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,033
I don't know if they'll let you
sit here if you don't bet.
463
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,473
I will ride along.
464
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,155
Whoo.
465
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,037
Abby, high-rolling
with a hundy.
466
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,712
ABBY: I know,
I can't handle it.
467
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,594
13? Who gets 13?
468
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,999
Oh, my God, my
stomach just dropped.
469
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,433
DELIA: I'll stay.
Dealer's got a Jack.
470
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,919
I'll, uh, hit, hit.
471
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,874
DEALER: 23.
LYLA: What?
472
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,439
Boom! There goes
summer camp.
473
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,238
Oh.
How is this fun?
474
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,753
It isn't. You just
got to be stoic.
475
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,114
Game face. Stoic.
476
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,599
I'm riding along
with you, Phoebe.
477
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:42,875
I'll go one more.
478
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,634
Do you feel anything?
479
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,236
No. Maybe he didn't
give me enough.
480
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,029
I feel seasick.
481
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,352
You know, maybe
this was a mistake.
482
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,555
(CHUCKLING)
483
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,837
Hey, why did you have to kill Cassidy?
(GROANS)
484
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,434
He loved you, DeeDee.
485
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,274
DeeDee's just a character
I play on TV.
486
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:10,669
Becca.
487
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,594
She doesn't exist.
488
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,595
She doesn't exist.
489
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:21,915
You know.
490
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,873
You know.
491
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,037
I just want to direct.
492
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,678
(SHOUTING)
I want to direct!
493
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,072
DELIA: Oh!
PHOEBE: Come on, no!
494
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,116
Come on! Come on.
No!
495
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,428
DEALER: And 21.
ABBY: No!
496
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,873
I hate you.
Come on.
497
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,313
UNICEF could've just
built a school with the
498
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,152
money we lost at this table.
Oh, my God.
499
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,559
That is so crazy.
500
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,789
Why would you do that?
501
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:51,835
Are you okay?
502
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,512
Do you want to, like, go up to
the suite, maybe take a nap?
503
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,716
What?
Do you need to take a, take a break?
504
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:56,989
Go up to the suite,
and, like, just
505
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,399
decompress or something?
506
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,473
You're voting me off the island.
I am not.
507
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:01,515
Enjoy the warm towels, Abby.
508
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,670
Just maybe...
I have to go anyways, so.
509
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,990
No, it's fine, I'll go.
I'm gonna go.
510
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,798
Do you want somebody to go with you?
No.
511
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:09,519
I'm fine.
No, I take that.
512
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,477
That's, like,
two mortgage payments.
513
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:12,835
Ugh.
514
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,798
DEALER: Another win for you.
LYLA: Thank you.
515
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,950
Thank you.
This is... This is crazy.
516
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,315
Can you count or something?
517
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,400
Am I cheating?
Is that what you're saying?
518
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,674
Absolutely not.
519
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,318
Let's just...
Let's just keep it fun.
520
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,753
I would love to have some fun,
521
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,273
but when you imply
that somehow...
522
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,794
No, no. No, no, no. ...I'm scamming the
system and not legitimately winning.
523
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,869
Let's just...
524
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,913
You know, um, for a while now,
525
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,390
there is a gentleman who
has been staring at us.
526
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,549
Don't look!
527
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,834
Please don't look.
528
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,876
He... He's coming over.
He's coming over.
529
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,393
No, no, not like that.
530
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,556
Delbar, is that you?
531
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,949
Delbar?
532
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,669
(EXHALING)
533
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,395
Hey, there.
534
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,313
Long day? (CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
535
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,949
Got a name?
536
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,272
Um, Janet...
537
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,032
...Larocca
Hey, Janet.
538
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,315
(CHUCKLES) Hi.
539
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,189
You're a terrific-looking
lady, Janet.
540
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,599
My name's Glen Melnick.
541
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,352
I'm in town for the
eyewear convention.
542
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,550
Oh, yeah?
543
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,312
Lot of new product to introduce.
544
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,715
My new glasses actually
have X-ray vision.
545
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,191
I am not wearing
any glasses, Glen,
546
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,918
but I can see you're
wearing a wedding ring.
547
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,237
Yeah, well...
What happens in Vegas...
548
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,273
MAN: Hey, beautiful.
549
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,715
What's going on?
You couldn't wait for me?
550
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:55,994
I...
551
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,318
I was totally waiting for you.
552
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,550
Hey, man.
How you doing?
553
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,598
Great. Um, nice
talking to you, Janet.
554
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,229
No harm, no foul.
555
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,278
Thanks for the rescue.
556
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,154
Um, I was planning on
committing carbo-cide alone...
557
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,309
You want this back?
No, no.
558
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,833
I... Please,
rescue me again.
559
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:21,955
Eat half of it.
560
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,355
Thank you, Janet.
561
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,833
It... It's Abby, actually.
562
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,348
And you are?
563
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,668
My name is
(IN A SPANISH ACCENT) Carl.
564
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,631
Did...
Did you just purr?
565
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,519
(LAUGHS) No, it's short
for Juan-Carlos.
566
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,915
Juan-Carlos.
567
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,395
Join you for a glass of wine?
568
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,431
Um, yeah...
569
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,035
Yes.
570
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,717
DELIA: The clanging...
It's just so noisy.
571
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,392
We can't even talk.
Yes, we can talk.
572
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,435
No, I don't think that's...
We can talk.
573
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,475
You need to talk.
574
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:50,834
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
575
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,159
Is there a problem?
No.
576
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,912
No, I'm good.
Yes, there is.
577
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,639
Is she your friend?
578
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,428
Yes.
Well,
579
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,238
then tell her she should
respect her elders,
580
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,719
the people who
sacrificed for her.
581
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,677
Oh, please. He gets his
check every month.
582
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,988
But you don't speak to him.
583
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,599
She's wrong to judge.
584
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:08,635
Her only living parent.
585
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:09,869
That's enough.
I'm leaving.
586
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,429
Delbar.
587
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,192
DELIA: I hate this place.
588
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:20,755
I cannot find my room.
Delia, what is happening?
589
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,114
What's going on?
Ugh.
590
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,110
Delia!
591
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,475
Hey, Lyla, this is none of your business.
Was that your uncle?
592
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,869
I don't know why you think that I would
share anything personal with you.
593
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,076
You've been nothing but spiteful
to me ever since I met you.
594
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,674
I was just part of
a very unusual situation.
595
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:33,829
No, you're not
part of that at all.
596
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,433
That's none of your business. He asked...
Is that your uncle?
597
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,511
He asked me to... I know that you
think that I breezed through life
598
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,589
because I show a little leg,
599
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,432
but you don't know me,
you understand?
600
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,192
And you don't deserve to.
601
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,032
You know why this pizza's so good?
Why?
602
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,235
'Cause of the wine.
603
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,753
(CHUCKLES) Because of the wine.
Yeah.
604
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:51,955
Yes.
605
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,519
This same pizza with Diet Coke,
606
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,881
we would not even be talking
about this pizza. Not at all.
607
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,552
No, it really is
all about the wine.
608
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,755
Mmm.
And suddenly it
609
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,592
tastes like you're eating
real Italian pizza.
610
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,749
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
In Italy.
611
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:03,434
Exactly.
(LAUGHS)
612
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,199
When were you in Italy?
613
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,716
Never. Just trying
to impress you.
614
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,471
This is the first...
You are the first good thing
615
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,357
that has happened
to me this weekend.
616
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,754
Um, do you wanna
get out of here?
617
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,595
Yeah.
618
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,519
Absolutely.
Yeah?
619
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,748
But first we should
probably talk about rates.
620
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,353
I'm sorry, what?
621
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,714
Not that I wouldn't
do it for free,
622
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,438
but got to make a living.
623
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,315
Oh, my God.
624
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,389
Oh, my God.
625
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:44,958
You're a...
A gigolo?
626
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,434
Well, I prefer
"companion," but, yeah.
627
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,190
I'm sorry.
628
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,429
Everyone knows that
this is the place
629
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:55,953
where women go
to look for company.
630
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,519
I am so embarrassed.
631
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,150
Is that why you took down
LensCrafters over here?
632
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,309
Because he was on your turf?
633
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,595
No, no, no, no.
You just looked really uncomfortable.
634
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,874
I was really uncomfortable.
635
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:06,473
Yeah, and I was hungry.
636
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,514
So, uh, if you're interested,
637
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,909
I won't charge you
for the bar time.
638
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:13,759
The clock will just start now.
639
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,550
Um, I don't...
I'm sorry.
640
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,312
I don't mean to be
insulting, but it just seems
641
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,913
a little desperate
to pay for it.
642
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,076
You know, Abby, you... You seem fantastic.
Thank you.
643
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,798
And you're gorgeous.
Thank you.
644
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,074
But if this isn't
a date, then...
645
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,430
Oh, uh, right.
646
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,314
You are working.
647
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,389
This is your job.
648
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,595
It is.
649
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,952
I mean, does any woman ever
650
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,871
pay you just to talk?
651
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,750
Yeah, all the time.
Do I get a discount for that?
652
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,388
Okay, no, that's fine.
653
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:49,755
Kidding.
654
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,631
But if I did, I could
ask you anything?
655
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,393
Well, no specifics
about other clients.
656
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,948
Of course, right.
Got it and, um...
657
00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,679
I'm a writer, so...
658
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,871
Uh, let's say I was to
write about our encounter.
659
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:06,879
As long as you don't
use my name.
660
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,791
Is Carl your real name?
No.
661
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,388
No, but don't use Carl.
662
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,471
I don't want my agency to know
that I was freelancing tonight.
663
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,754
Oh, my God.
664
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,109
You have an agent?
665
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,758
I do.
I have an agent.
666
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,149
It's... It's an escort service, actually.
Uh-huh.
667
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,673
But they take 20%,
668
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,956
and with the baby-style
convention in town,
669
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,314
talk about an
underserved community.
670
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,389
Right.
671
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,153
I get to pick myself.
672
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,672
So, basic...
You can...
673
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:33,037
You can actually eyeball a
woman from across the room
674
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:37,113
and decide whether you
want to, um, "date" her.
675
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:38,555
Exactly.
676
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,117
Which means you
did actually pick me.
677
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,356
I did. Absolutely.
678
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,354
Does that make you feel better?
679
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,070
It does, actually.
Yeah.
680
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,595
Good.
681
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,789
Let's do it.
682
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,277
BECCA:
I can't feel my heart.
683
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,676
How will I love if I,
if I can't feel my heart?
684
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,675
Um, Derek, can you help her?
She can't find her heart.
685
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,155
Where did you lose
your heart, Becca?
686
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:11,434
I don't know.
687
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:12,873
No, it's not helping.
688
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:13,949
BECCA: I don't know.
689
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,758
Hmm?
You're a charlatan.
690
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,834
You're not real.
691
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,118
You're not English.
That's a fake accent.
692
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,679
I see it, the words.
693
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,512
Am I not real, Jake?
694
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,069
No.
695
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,630
There's something
fraudulent in your life.
696
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,159
Are you ready to face it?
697
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,234
(WHIMPERING) In mine?
698
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,515
(BECCA SOBBING)
699
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:45,794
Everything.
700
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:46,869
Oh.
701
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,513
I'm acting like I'm okay.
702
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,115
Like I know.
703
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:56,799
(SOBBING) I don't know.
704
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,115
(SNIFFLES)
705
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,074
(JAKE CONTINUES SOBBING)
706
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:05,469
Ugh.
707
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:07,513
Jesus, I need to go home.
708
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,555
Yeah.
You go with that.
709
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,709
Yeah?
710
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,395
It's okay.
711
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,594
Oh, my God.
712
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,630
Oh, my God, that feels so good.
713
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,913
Oh, my God.
714
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:29,195
Ah.
715
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,429
(CARL CHUCKLING)
716
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,114
Trick of the trade.
717
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:36,994
So, you were saying?
718
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,555
I have no idea what I'm saying.
What am I saying?
719
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,310
Something about a slump.
Oh, my self-esteem slump?
720
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,435
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
721
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,394
It's just that that
Cleo author, she has...
722
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,272
She has gone so out of her way
723
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,237
to malign me, and we're
in the same market,
724
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,551
and I have just been talking about
this for so long, I'm boring myself.
725
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,112
Still, it is really weird how much energy
she's putting into trying to hurt me.
726
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,832
(SIGHS) I just
think she's scared.
727
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:04,268
Who, Cleo?
Yeah.
728
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,108
You told the truth and now
you're braving the consequences.
729
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,270
I wouldn't call it brave.
(CHUCKLES)
730
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,153
And I don't think she's scared.
731
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,834
I've essentially made more room
on the shelf for her book.
732
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:14,909
Back-Burner Baby?
733
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,673
Come on.
She's full of shit.
734
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:17,915
(LAUGHS)
That's an act.
735
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,031
Like...
(ROLLS TONGUE) Carl?
736
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,354
Hey, people dig
what I'm selling.
737
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,839
Yeah.
We both know it's not real.
738
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,275
I know, I... I care too much
about what people think of me.
739
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:28,349
I always have.
740
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:30,992
Oh, I get that.
You know, I used to care
741
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,389
what people thought about
what I did for a living.
742
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,311
You know, there're very
few people that I told.
743
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,833
My sister thinks
I'm going to hell.
744
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,353
Seriously, and we're close.
745
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,317
Wow, that's...
That's rough.
746
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:41,958
Yeah, it is what it is.
747
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,068
You know, one day I had
this, uh, this breakthrough.
748
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,270
And I started thinking about all the
people that I think are awesome.
749
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:50,435
Like who?
750
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,355
Oh, uh, Axl Rose, uh, Gandhi.
751
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,112
Mmm.
George W.
752
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,155
What?
753
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,228
What?
W?
754
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:00,429
Yeah.
As in Bush?
755
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:01,873
Absolutely. Yeah.
Okay.
756
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,358
And I thought,
nobody truly interesting
757
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,795
is universally liked, right?
758
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,199
So, I don't know.
759
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,158
I thought, "I don't ever want
to live an ordinary life."
760
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:13,468
I never have.
761
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,519
People don't approve?
Eh, screw 'em.
762
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,391
"Nobody truly
interesting..."
763
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,196
"...is universally liked."
Is universally liked.
764
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:24,675
Yeah.
Wow.
765
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,355
You just threw down some
serious wisdom there, Carl.
766
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,349
Yeah, well, I hang
with a lot of smart women.
767
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,469
Hmm.
768
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,869
You're like a wise, magical hooker.
(CHUCKLES)
769
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,709
Well, that's role-playing.
That'll cost you extra.
770
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,195
(LAUGHS)
771
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:47,635
Hmm.
772
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,355
I am so glad
you're a Republican.
773
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,513
I would have spent
a lot more money on you,
774
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,477
but the whole W thing
really cured me.
775
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,554
(LAUGHING)
776
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,792
(MUSIC PLAYING)
777
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,312
Hey, uh, have you seen
Jake anywhere?
778
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:11,709
Why, is he missing?
779
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,798
(STAMMERING) Well, his car's
still here, but, I, I'm...
780
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:15,873
I can't find him anywhere.
781
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,358
We need to get moving, yeah?
782
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:06,793
Yes, we are gonna get moving.
Ya, ya, ya, ya.
783
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,030
Let's shoot some babies. Pow, pow, pow.
Yeah.
784
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:10,394
Pow, pow.
785
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:12,793
Hi, babies. Yes!
(BABIES CRYING)
786
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,957
Hey, hey.
787
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,111
Look.
I can't work like this.
788
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,872
Right, these are not
professional babies.
789
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:19,915
Yes, they are. Look.
790
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,309
(RATTLING TOYS) Come on, babies, razzle...
Look at that!
791
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,868
Razzle dazzle, that's right.
Why's that one so red?
792
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,075
Poo-face.
793
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,149
Awesome.
794
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:28,395
(BABY CRYING)
795
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:29,669
New baby.
796
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,357
I don't have any other babies.
I have three babies.
797
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,476
You're kidding.
No, I'm not kidding.
798
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,994
Phoebe, if you want
a shot of three babies,
799
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,753
happy together, you need
to call in 12 babies.
800
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,957
Well, no three babies are
ever happy at the same time.
801
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:44,674
I didn't know that.
802
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,314
Oh, somebody needs
a diaper change, pronto.
803
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,594
Can you just change it, Lyla?
804
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,758
I don't know where the...
Just figure it out, Lyla.
805
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:52,068
There's diapers over there.
806
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,599
I just need one good shot.
807
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,875
That's it.
808
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,359
Here.
What?
809
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,589
No.
You take him.
810
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,671
I am so sick of you
and the way you talk to me.
811
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:01,715
You know what, Lyla,
can you not do,
812
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,239
"This all about me"
thing right now?
813
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:04,469
That's the last thing I need.
814
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:05,834
Okay. Good luck.
815
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:07,235
(SIGHS)
816
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,992
Lulu, are you okay?
(COUGHING)
817
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,355
Oh, my God. Lulu's choking.
She's choking.
818
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,556
Oh, my God.
Um, um, will you hold?
819
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,710
Oh, I think he...
He ate the bracelet.
820
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,869
He ate the bracelet.
821
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,837
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
822
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,558
(WAILING) Oh, he's
breathing and crying.
823
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,074
And breathing and crying,
that's a good thing, right?
824
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,991
That means he's breathing.
That's great, right?
825
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,037
What the hell is wrong with you?
826
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,914
It's just gonna come out
the other end.
827
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:33,752
And when it does,
you can keep it!
828
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,877
You know, honestly, I feel
weird taking your money.
829
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,234
Really?
Yeah.
830
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:43,833
Why? 'Cause we didn't
cross the line?
831
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,036
And I was exhausted
and I fell asleep.
832
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,039
But I really enjoyed the time.
833
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,912
Well, no backsies.
834
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,792
All right. You're gonna
have to owe me one.
835
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,029
(CHUCKLES) Deal.
836
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,235
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
837
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,918
Abby McCarthy, didn't
expect to see you here.
838
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,908
Who's your charming friend?
839
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,871
Patty Wells, journalist,
this is my friend, Carl.
840
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:12,718
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Patty.
841
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,759
Um, I just want to say
thank you for the loan.
842
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,669
You really rescued me
last night.
843
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,796
Let's just say, off the record,
844
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,836
that the roulette wheel
is not my friend.
845
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,672
(CHUCKLES) Well, I hope
you learned your lesson.
846
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:27,637
Yeah, I did.
It was very expensive.
847
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,199
It wasn't that expensive.
(LAUGHING)
848
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,838
I'll see you, I hope.
849
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:32,675
Bye.
850
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,432
Abby, who was that?
851
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:38,793
Looked too handsome
to be a hit man.
852
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:40,915
For Cleo?
853
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:42,832
After the awful things
she said about you?
854
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,958
Uh... Come on, Abby,
nobody's heard from you.
855
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,548
You must have a response.
I better not.
856
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,153
Come on, that bitch
stepped to you.
857
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,276
Yeah, she really did, right?
858
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:53,108
But, I...
859
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:55,352
I think she's great.
Uh-huh.
860
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,630
I call bull.
She called you irrelevant.
861
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,953
Yep. And the truth is,
I found it validating.
862
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,438
Because no one truly interesting
is universally liked.
863
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,080
And as you know,
my life has become
864
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,593
a lot more interesting lately.
865
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,758
Okay, I get it.
That's great.
866
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,558
What are you working on now?
867
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,519
My editor would like
to keep it under wraps.
868
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,272
But I will say it is a new book,
869
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,634
maybe even a new series.
870
00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:22,109
And let's just say that
people are going to be
871
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,112
very surprised
at the new Abby McCarthy.
872
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:26,394
When you're ready,
we'll do a nice item on you.
873
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:27,469
Fantastic.
874
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,031
I better get in there
and listen to that whack job
875
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,189
brag about neglecting
her children.
876
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,475
Ha!
Can't wait till her five minutes are up.
877
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,278
Bye, Patty.
Have a good one.
878
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,271
(DOOR OPENS)
ABBY: Hey.
879
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:43,874
Hey, guys.
880
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:46,354
Phoebe, how was
your photo shoot?
881
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:47,954
It was a perfect shitstorm.
882
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,314
I really could have used
more hands.
883
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,029
I'm so sorry. I totally
intended on coming,
884
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,714
but then, my night took the craziest turn.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
885
00:34:55,800 --> 00:35:00,112
I met a guy who gave me
the most amazing insight.
886
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,918
And work-wise, I feel like
I have an idea.
887
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,515
It's really bold, and more
me, and I just don't...
888
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:06,919
What is happening here?
889
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,388
Lyla, what is going on?
890
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,038
The caseworker's report...
891
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,556
They recommend 70/30
custody in Dan's favor.
892
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:15,073
Oh, no.
What?
893
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:18,470
My sons feel much more
emotionally connected to him.
894
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:20,833
And I'm never home.
895
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,194
Oh, my God, Lyla.
896
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,599
Oh, are you sympathetic now?
897
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:24,999
Yes, of course I'm sympathetic.
898
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,116
What you did to me
was not helpful at all.
899
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,151
You made me miss story time
at my son's school.
900
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,913
Oh, my God, Lyla, please do not
blame me for your custody battle.
901
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,479
We didn't know it was this bad.
902
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,118
I have to go home.
903
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,110
I have to go home. I should've...
I should've been home.
904
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,191
But I'm gonna fly,
'cause I can't...
905
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,554
No, come on.
Come on.
906
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,438
I don't want to ride back
with you guys.
907
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,194
Lyla, you can't just leave
without us.
908
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:57,595
(DOOR CLOSING)
909
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,790
Jake, what are you doing here?
910
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,195
Hey.
911
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,115
Shh.
912
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,590
You remember baby gourd?
Yeah.
913
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,957
Uh, I'm tripping.
914
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:05,478
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah?
915
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,550
I really needed to be here.
I needed to be home.
916
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:16,790
Abby, I don't want
to live with you.
917
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,472
But I do want to die with you.
918
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:23,595
I get that.
919
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:26,235
(CHUCKLES)
920
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:28,639
(SNIFFLES)
921
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,273
Okay, do you want to lay down?
922
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:32,395
Yeah.
923
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,869
Okay, let's go do that.
Just come over here.
924
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,598
Are you loaded?
I'm, a little bit, yeah.
925
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,516
All right.
(INHALES)
926
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,188
(JAKE EXHALES)
927
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:42,713
ABBY: There you go.
928
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,670
All right.
929
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,159
JAKE: Oh, yes.
930
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,558
Love this couch.
931
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,159
Here, sit here.
932
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,516
Just get some rest.
Sit down. Sit, come here.
933
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,235
Ah!
934
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:57,909
That's your...
935
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,472
Wedding tuxedo.
Yeah.
936
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:02,509
Abby...
937
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,355
Why did we have to split
938
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,000
for me to see how goddamn
beautiful you are?
939
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,198
You are so beautiful.
940
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,473
Mama, what time is it?
941
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:54,913
(SOFTLY) It's late.
942
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,599
I love you.
943
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,230
I love you, too.
Thank you.
944
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,078
What's going on?
LYLA: Hi.
945
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,474
What's up?
946
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:07,754
How are you?
947
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:08,989
Everything's okay.
948
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,433
It's okay.
949
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,717
I just thought that maybe...
950
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,876
We could just pack some
things and go on a trip.
951
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,753
It's gonna be an adventure.
952
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,275
Okay?
953
00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:37,500
Ripped By mstoll