1 00:00:07,624 --> 00:00:09,191 Did you miss me, Gal? 2 00:00:09,192 --> 00:00:12,660 Madalena, I have traveled 1,000 miles to see you. 3 00:00:12,662 --> 00:00:14,396 I fought pirates. 4 00:00:14,397 --> 00:00:16,797 I stared death in the face a dozen times, 5 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,667 and I did all that to be with a woman 6 00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:21,970 who chose a fierce and cruel man over my unconditional love. 7 00:00:21,971 --> 00:00:24,070 - So... - You crossed my mind, yes. 8 00:00:24,072 --> 00:00:24,839 [Smacks lips] 9 00:00:24,841 --> 00:00:26,809 Then why didn't you act happy to see me? 10 00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:28,544 To be honest, I don't know how to feel. 11 00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:30,511 Isabella told me you wanted me to rescue you. 12 00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:31,914 Did you even know I was coming? 13 00:00:31,915 --> 00:00:34,650 Well, I found out earlier today, and as soon as I did, 14 00:00:34,651 --> 00:00:36,685 I made a plan for us to be together. 15 00:00:36,686 --> 00:00:38,821 Yeah, well, I had a plan, as well. 16 00:00:38,822 --> 00:00:41,490 We were gonna live in a cottage by the sea. 17 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:44,193 We were gonna make love, plant a garden... 18 00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,294 Have children. 19 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,796 I was gonna sing songs of your beauty. 20 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,364 Oh, Gal. 21 00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:50,599 That sounds awful. 22 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,135 Look around. 23 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,937 I live in a castle. [Chuckles] 24 00:00:54,938 --> 00:00:56,905 And you know what I've learned about myself? 25 00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:59,708 I really like stuff. 26 00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,110 I mean, why would I give all this up 27 00:01:02,111 --> 00:01:04,413 to get fat and pregnant and grow my own food? 28 00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:06,348 So, you didn't want me to come? 29 00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:11,887 I should never have trusted Isabella. 30 00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:14,022 How could someone so small tell such a big lie? 31 00:01:14,023 --> 00:01:15,524 Well, none of that matters now. 32 00:01:15,525 --> 00:01:17,993 I have a plan that will allow me to remain as queen, 33 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:21,963 and you will be well taken care of as my... 34 00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:23,098 Special companion. 35 00:01:23,099 --> 00:01:24,933 Your boy toy, you mean. 36 00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,436 Is that how you see me? Hmm? 37 00:01:27,437 --> 00:01:29,671 As some well-groomed, ruggedly handsome, 38 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,706 yet oddly delicate-featured plaything? 39 00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:34,009 Yeah. 40 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,043 [Sighs] 41 00:01:35,044 --> 00:01:37,546 Madalena, I've got something to say, 42 00:01:37,547 --> 00:01:40,782 and I've come a really, really long way to say it. 43 00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:42,117 [Music plays] Oh, no. 44 00:01:42,118 --> 00:01:44,219 ♪ I want you, I need you ♪ 45 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,820 ♪ You cut me, and I bleed you ♪ 46 00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:47,956 ♪ You're like some kind of sonnet ♪ 47 00:01:47,957 --> 00:01:49,758 ♪ All I want to do is read you ♪ 48 00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:51,526 - ♪ And I love you ♪ - I know. 49 00:01:51,527 --> 00:01:53,561 - ♪ I mean I love you ♪ - Yes. Thanks. 50 00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:55,430 - ♪ I said I love you ♪ - You did. 51 00:01:55,431 --> 00:01:59,668 ♪ And now don't you want to tell me something, too? ♪ 52 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,239 ♪ I love you ♪ 53 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,509 ♪ As much as someone like me can love anyone ♪ 54 00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:07,946 Huh? 55 00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:11,112 ♪ I mean, I love how we make people stare ♪ 56 00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:13,047 ♪ We're quite the stunning pair ♪ 57 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,891 ♪ In other words, you love me ♪ 58 00:02:14,893 --> 00:02:18,386 ♪ As much as someone like me can love anyone ♪ 59 00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:18,992 Okay. 60 00:02:18,994 --> 00:02:21,856 ♪ I mean, I love how when we hit the hay ♪ 61 00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:23,358 ♪ It's more than just okay ♪ 62 00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:24,000 Right? 63 00:02:24,002 --> 00:02:27,295 ♪ I'd absolutely say more like middling to fair ♪ 64 00:02:27,296 --> 00:02:28,730 [Chuckling] Yeah. Wait. What? 65 00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,932 ♪ Dance with me ♪ 66 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:34,235 ♪ Can't you see how freaking gorgeous we look? ♪ 67 00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:37,505 ♪ Can't you feel the frantic beat of our hearts ♪ 68 00:02:37,506 --> 00:02:41,576 ♪ As our various parts rub with such delicious friction? ♪ 69 00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:43,144 ♪ So, that's all you really... ♪ 70 00:02:43,145 --> 00:02:45,213 ♪ Dance with me ♪ 71 00:02:45,214 --> 00:02:48,916 ♪ Why not finish what's already begun? ♪ 72 00:02:48,917 --> 00:02:51,018 ♪ So, what you're saying is you love me ♪ 73 00:02:51,019 --> 00:02:53,154 - ♪ I love you ♪ - ♪ Really love me ♪ 74 00:02:53,155 --> 00:02:55,590 - ♪ I love you ♪ - ♪ And always loved me? ♪ 75 00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:58,893 ♪ As much as someone like me can love anyone ♪ 76 00:03:01,363 --> 00:03:02,697 [Song ends] 77 00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:05,032 Does that clear things up for you? 78 00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:06,334 No. 79 00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:08,035 And when did you learn how to dance? 80 00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:10,872 Galavant - 01x06 Dungeons and Dragon Lady 81 00:03:11,345 --> 00:03:13,218 Are you hearing this, Gareth? 82 00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:17,425 My own wife tries to trick me into killing my favorite chef 83 00:03:17,425 --> 00:03:19,292 so she can save her ex-boyfriend. 84 00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:20,260 You sure it was her? 85 00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:21,428 Pretty girl, tiny waist, big eyes? 86 00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:22,562 Definitely, My King. 87 00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:23,730 [Scoffs] 88 00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:25,699 No one has it as bad as I do, Gareth. 89 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,634 - No one! - Aaaaaaaah! 90 00:03:27,635 --> 00:03:29,369 [Gasps] 91 00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:31,104 Uh... Don't worry. 92 00:03:31,105 --> 00:03:34,240 Why do I continually allow people to treat me this way? 93 00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,041 Oh, come on. 94 00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:37,477 Forget I'm your king and talk to me like your friend. 95 00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:38,511 All right. 96 00:03:38,512 --> 00:03:40,013 You keep acting like a prat. 97 00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:41,448 You need to be more of a geezer. 98 00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:44,684 You know, I've tried to tell you time and time again. 99 00:03:44,685 --> 00:03:46,920 You don't turn your ear. 100 00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,155 Oh, Gareth. 101 00:03:49,156 --> 00:03:50,690 I can't understand a word you say. 102 00:03:50,691 --> 00:03:52,826 Let me ask you this, then. 103 00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,727 Do you like me, Gareth? 104 00:03:54,728 --> 00:03:58,731 - I mean, you know, as a... as a person? - Aaaaaaah! 105 00:04:01,368 --> 00:04:02,535 I got to go. 106 00:04:02,536 --> 00:04:03,670 My queen needs me. 107 00:04:03,671 --> 00:04:05,471 - Your queen? - Mm. 108 00:04:05,472 --> 00:04:08,141 Are you hearing this? Now it's his queen. 109 00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:09,876 Fine. Go ahead. 110 00:04:09,877 --> 00:04:11,644 Leave me, too. Be that guy. 111 00:04:11,645 --> 00:04:12,512 Go. Go. 112 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,746 Yeah, okay. 113 00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:17,784 Why am I like this? 114 00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:20,623 Why do I continually allow people to treat me this way? 115 00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:22,025 - Sire! - Hmm? 116 00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:24,457 I-I think I know something that may help you. 117 00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:26,025 Really? What? 118 00:04:26,026 --> 00:04:28,027 Have you ever heard of Xanax? 119 00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:29,162 Xanax? 120 00:04:29,163 --> 00:04:31,764 Is he that new magician I'm hearing so much about? 121 00:04:31,765 --> 00:04:32,899 Merlin's replacement? 122 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:33,966 Yes, My King. 123 00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:36,669 I-I occasionally buy herbs from him. 124 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:39,305 Herbs? For what? F-f-for cooking? 125 00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:41,507 Yeah... f-for cooking. 126 00:04:41,508 --> 00:04:42,675 [Sighs] 127 00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:45,578 All right, it's worth a shot. Let's go see Xanax. 128 00:04:45,579 --> 00:04:47,647 I should probably put on something more casual. 129 00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:49,048 [Snaps fingers] The brown. 130 00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:55,555 Uh, hi. 131 00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,523 Um, why are we back in the dungeon? 132 00:04:57,524 --> 00:05:00,026 Just wait here. I'll come get you when it's time. 133 00:05:00,027 --> 00:05:02,161 Someone's coming to help execute my plan. 134 00:05:02,162 --> 00:05:03,329 Move along. 135 00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:06,999 [Gasps] Galavant! Galavant! 136 00:05:09,436 --> 00:05:11,270 I thought you were dead. 137 00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:13,206 You mean because you betrayed me, you thought they would hang me? 138 00:05:13,207 --> 00:05:14,273 Because you betrayed me? 139 00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:15,441 Sid: Oh, trust me, sir, 140 00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:17,910 I have been guilting the crap out of her down here. 141 00:05:17,911 --> 00:05:19,979 King Richard said if I didn't deliver the jewel and you, 142 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,347 he would kill my parents. 143 00:05:21,348 --> 00:05:22,982 I tried to warn you... 144 00:05:22,983 --> 00:05:25,151 so many songs, so many asides. 145 00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:26,919 The point is, Queen Madalena, 146 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,688 you have the jewel and you have Galavant. 147 00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:30,790 - You must release my parents. - Must I? 148 00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,325 - Yes. You have to. - Have I? 149 00:05:32,326 --> 00:05:33,559 - Yes. - Really? 150 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,860 Why are you just repeating everything I say as a question? 151 00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:36,662 Am I just repeating everything you say as a question? 152 00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,097 You... Don't hear it? 153 00:05:38,098 --> 00:05:39,432 -I hear it. Yeah. - Yeah. 154 00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:42,968 - You're sort of doing it a little bit. - I had a deal with King Richard. 155 00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:44,937 My dear girl... 156 00:05:44,938 --> 00:05:46,739 I am not King Richard. 157 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:51,243 But I will enjoy killing the girl who tried to eat my leftover man mutton. 158 00:05:54,448 --> 00:05:55,948 [Gasps] 159 00:05:55,949 --> 00:05:58,984 Is... Anyone else uncomfortable? 160 00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:02,421 Gareth. 161 00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:04,127 Cut her face. 162 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:05,396 Torture the rest. 163 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,800 - Gala... - Excuse me? 164 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:11,026 I said torture them. Is there a problem? 165 00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:12,632 No. There's not a problem. 166 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,567 I like torturing. I'm pretty good at it. 167 00:06:14,568 --> 00:06:16,102 I once kept a guy alive for a week, 168 00:06:16,103 --> 00:06:18,270 and he was just a head and a finger. 169 00:06:18,271 --> 00:06:20,139 But that order came from the king, 170 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,240 and I serve My King. 171 00:06:21,241 --> 00:06:24,176 Your king is weak, Gareth. You know this. 172 00:06:24,177 --> 00:06:26,879 He cries like a baby, he cares like a woman. 173 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,081 He makes decoupage footstools as a hobby. 174 00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:30,483 Hey! That was a birthday present. 175 00:06:30,484 --> 00:06:32,084 He got me that so I could have a sit down. 176 00:06:32,085 --> 00:06:34,420 You're a dog, Gareth. 177 00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,789 And a dog needs a strong master. 178 00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:39,758 Now sic 'em. 179 00:06:41,995 --> 00:06:44,330 [Goat bleats] 180 00:06:44,331 --> 00:06:46,165 Here we are, sir. 181 00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:47,500 Are we safe? 182 00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:49,869 This neighborhood looks a little dodgy. 183 00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,170 Don't worry, sire, we'll be fine. 184 00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:53,305 Just... Try not to look scared. 185 00:06:54,574 --> 00:06:56,842 Hello. Nice to see you. 186 00:06:56,843 --> 00:06:58,844 [Bell tolling] 187 00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:06,852 What do you want? 188 00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:10,656 Uh, we're here to see Xanax. 189 00:07:10,657 --> 00:07:12,224 He's in the attic. 190 00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:13,992 Xanax: Mom! It's a laboratory! 191 00:07:13,993 --> 00:07:15,260 Call it a laboratory. 192 00:07:15,261 --> 00:07:16,395 It's an attic. 193 00:07:19,632 --> 00:07:22,468 [Xanax coughing] 194 00:07:22,469 --> 00:07:25,938 Hmm. This is... Cozy. 195 00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:29,441 King Richard, may I present Xanax The Magician. 196 00:07:29,442 --> 00:07:30,709 [Grunts] 197 00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,678 Actually, I'm not legally allowed 198 00:07:32,679 --> 00:07:34,680 to call myself a magician anymore 199 00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:37,015 'cause of the whole... [Sighs] Thing. 200 00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,450 Don't worry. 201 00:07:38,451 --> 00:07:40,886 Think of me as a spiritual guide. 202 00:07:40,887 --> 00:07:42,754 I'm allowed to... Call myself that. 203 00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,223 Anyone can. It's meaningless. 204 00:07:44,224 --> 00:07:45,324 [Groans] 205 00:07:45,325 --> 00:07:46,458 [Laughs] 206 00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:48,460 Look at his shiny little hat, toad. 207 00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,262 Ribbit. 208 00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:51,563 Who's that person? 209 00:07:51,564 --> 00:07:53,265 It's toad. He's cool. 210 00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:54,199 Ribbit. 211 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,068 [Chuckles] Don't ask. 212 00:07:56,069 --> 00:07:57,035 [Scoffs] 213 00:07:57,036 --> 00:07:58,603 He was a toad. 214 00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,172 I did a spell... 215 00:08:00,173 --> 00:08:03,809 turned him into a human-ish... Type thing. 216 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,243 So, uh, yeah. I flipped it. 217 00:08:05,244 --> 00:08:06,278 [Chuckles] 218 00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:07,846 That's very good. 219 00:08:07,847 --> 00:08:09,448 Anyway, what can I do for you gents? 220 00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:11,550 Well, it's... No big deal, really. 221 00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,452 We were just... in the neighborhood, 222 00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:15,320 and, um, I was sort of wondering, 223 00:08:15,321 --> 00:08:17,289 you know, why I am the way I am, 224 00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,925 and he mentioned you might be able to help me. 225 00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:22,093 Xanax can help anything. 226 00:08:22,094 --> 00:08:23,094 Wonderful. 227 00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:25,063 [Burping] 228 00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:26,731 Bit of wind there. 229 00:08:26,732 --> 00:08:28,033 Ooh. 230 00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:29,901 Right. Let's get you started. 231 00:08:29,902 --> 00:08:32,437 This is a... Kind of disgusting little workstation, isn't it? 232 00:08:32,438 --> 00:08:35,106 You see the toilet? It's basically a window. 233 00:08:35,107 --> 00:08:39,144 And by "window," I mean "hole"... in the wall. 234 00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:40,412 It works. 235 00:08:40,413 --> 00:08:41,546 One of them. 236 00:08:41,547 --> 00:08:43,281 Oh. Toad spotted it. You'd love that, wouldn't you? 237 00:08:43,282 --> 00:08:44,983 [Chuckles] 238 00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,217 That goes in. 239 00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:48,320 Ready. Let's do this. 240 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:49,654 [Sizzling] 241 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:50,989 Oooooooooooh. 242 00:08:52,525 --> 00:08:54,793 Now the magic words. 243 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:59,130 Abracadabra. 244 00:08:59,131 --> 00:09:01,433 Alakazam. 245 00:09:01,434 --> 00:09:07,372 [Mumbling] Habrazamdabra, flanimal ham. 246 00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:08,473 Oooooh. 247 00:09:08,474 --> 00:09:10,809 Try that now. It's all magic. 248 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,711 - So, I just... Drink that down, eh? - Yeah. 249 00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:16,180 - Straight down the gullet? - Yeah. 250 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,317 - Ooh. That is pungent. - Yeah. That's the anus. 251 00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,719 Oh, what the hell. 252 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,787 Oh, God. 253 00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:23,788 Mm. 254 00:09:23,789 --> 00:09:25,056 Hmm. 255 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:28,426 Takes a little while to kick in with a strong-willed... 256 00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,460 - I'm feeling it. - Yeah. 257 00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:32,997 Oh, wow. 258 00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:42,351 All right, boss, we need an escape plan. 259 00:09:42,352 --> 00:09:44,720 - What are you thinking? - Galavant: Here's what I think. 260 00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:49,191 If you really break it down... 261 00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:51,827 "I love you as much as someone like me could love anyone" 262 00:09:51,828 --> 00:09:53,028 can mean a lot of things. 263 00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:55,029 Oh, come on, man. 264 00:09:55,031 --> 00:09:56,665 Oh, just let it go! 265 00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:58,066 She's the worst! 266 00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,335 - She imprisoned us. - She stole our jewels. 267 00:10:00,335 --> 00:10:02,670 - Yeah, not a fan. - You want to know what I think? 268 00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:03,972 I think you're in a dungeon 269 00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:06,174 wondering if the woman that put you there loves you. 270 00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:09,344 And the real question is, why do you still love her? 271 00:10:09,345 --> 00:10:11,046 I mean, yes, she's beautiful, 272 00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:13,081 in a perfect-skin, perfect-body, perfect-hair kind of way, 273 00:10:13,082 --> 00:10:14,449 if you're into that sort of thing. 274 00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:15,751 Mm. 275 00:10:15,752 --> 00:10:17,653 I know you, Galavant. 276 00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:20,222 I know your heart, and you deserve better. 277 00:10:20,223 --> 00:10:23,191 You deserve to be with someone who will lift you up as a man, 278 00:10:23,192 --> 00:10:25,727 someone who will fight with you, not against you. 279 00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,763 Maybe someone who's small and cute 280 00:10:27,764 --> 00:10:29,631 and ethnically hard to pin down. 281 00:10:32,502 --> 00:10:33,769 What you're saying is... 282 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:39,074 you don't think she loves me? 283 00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:41,176 [Groans] [Sighs] Jester: Bloody hell. 284 00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:43,545 Oh, please, just stop the torture and kill me already. 285 00:10:43,546 --> 00:10:44,629 I haven't started yet. 286 00:10:44,631 --> 00:10:45,528 He's not part of it? 287 00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:48,051 Will everybody just shut up?! 288 00:10:48,151 --> 00:10:51,186 - Do you want to know what real torture is? - No, I'm good. Thanks. 289 00:10:52,722 --> 00:10:53,855 [Sighs] 290 00:10:53,856 --> 00:10:55,624 [Mace clanks] 291 00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,660 Imagine being loyal to someone your whole life. 292 00:10:58,661 --> 00:10:59,895 I'm not gonna tell you who, 293 00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:02,864 but hypothetically, we'll call him "the king." 294 00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:07,002 He's a bit of a ponce, but I like him. 295 00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:10,138 Then he gets married to this rump-fed basket cockle, 296 00:11:10,139 --> 00:11:13,074 who, hypothetically, we'll call "the queen." 297 00:11:13,075 --> 00:11:14,776 We all know who you're talking about, Gareth. 298 00:11:14,777 --> 00:11:17,345 But let me be cryptic for a minute, will ya?! 299 00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:19,481 Just give me that! 300 00:11:19,482 --> 00:11:22,717 Now, she's not like "the king." 301 00:11:22,718 --> 00:11:25,420 But she's strong, and I mire strength. 302 00:11:25,421 --> 00:11:28,990 But, then again, I've sworn an oath to protect the king. 303 00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:30,325 So I don't know what to do. 304 00:11:30,326 --> 00:11:33,161 I mean, that's real torture, isn't it, lads? 305 00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,464 [Sighs] 306 00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:39,601 [Goat bleats] 307 00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,240 Xanax: Welcome to Richard's journey 308 00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:48,376 to find out why he is the way he is. 309 00:11:48,377 --> 00:11:50,979 There's bottles of water in easy reach. 310 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,881 Please stay hydrated. 311 00:11:52,882 --> 00:11:54,149 And no kissing. 312 00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:55,783 Of course. Wait. What? 313 00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:57,485 Oh... Shouldn't be an issue. 314 00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:59,387 But it has happened in the past, 315 00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:01,823 so I made a blanket rule... no kissing. 316 00:12:01,824 --> 00:12:02,924 [Chuckles] 317 00:12:02,925 --> 00:12:05,226 Mm. Good idea. 318 00:12:05,227 --> 00:12:07,629 Okay. Everyone ready? 319 00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,730 Ribbit. 320 00:12:08,731 --> 00:12:12,700 ♪ Close your eyes, open your mind ♪ 321 00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:16,704 ♪ Your journey's about to begin ♪ 322 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:20,508 ♪ Relax your karma and try not to barf ♪ 323 00:12:20,509 --> 00:12:25,013 ♪ As the universe starts to spin ♪ 324 00:12:25,014 --> 00:12:28,683 ♪ Hocus-pocus, expealadocious ♪ 325 00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:32,520 ♪ Set your aura free ♪ 326 00:12:32,521 --> 00:12:37,458 ♪ Petrificus totalis, drink deeply from the chalice ♪ 327 00:12:37,459 --> 00:12:48,269 ♪ Tell us what you see-e-e-e-e-e ♪ 328 00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:50,371 [Cackles] 329 00:12:50,372 --> 00:12:51,639 [Gasps] 330 00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:55,042 I see a door! 331 00:12:57,779 --> 00:12:58,913 Oi! What did I say? 332 00:12:58,914 --> 00:13:00,381 No... 333 00:13:00,382 --> 00:13:02,116 Go through it. 334 00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:03,884 It's opening on its own! 335 00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,820 That's magic. 336 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,228 This is the day my father died. 337 00:13:14,229 --> 00:13:17,531 ♪ The king is dead, long live the king ♪ 338 00:13:17,532 --> 00:13:21,035 ♪ The king is dead, long live the king ♪ 339 00:13:21,036 --> 00:13:24,638 ♪ Where is his son, who'll inherit everything? ♪ 340 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:27,041 Is that you, sire? So handsome. 341 00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:29,811 No. It's my much older brother, Kingsley. 342 00:13:29,811 --> 00:13:32,213 - Young Richard: I can't see anything! - That's me. 343 00:13:32,214 --> 00:13:34,415 ♪ Shut up, you ♪ 344 00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:35,783 I can't see anything! 345 00:13:35,784 --> 00:13:37,218 ♪ Shut up ♪ 346 00:13:37,219 --> 00:13:38,185 Oh, dear. 347 00:13:38,186 --> 00:13:39,720 I ate my feelings. 348 00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:41,322 And a lot of bread. 349 00:13:41,323 --> 00:13:43,123 ♪ The sword, Your Highness ♪ 350 00:13:43,124 --> 00:13:45,125 ♪ Here's the royal sword ♪ 351 00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:46,360 [Scoffs] 352 00:13:46,361 --> 00:13:47,795 No one gives me anything. 353 00:13:47,796 --> 00:13:51,498 ♪ To be the king, you must receive the sword ♪ 354 00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:54,301 If I want something, I take it. 355 00:13:54,302 --> 00:13:55,936 And I don't want to be any king. 356 00:13:55,937 --> 00:13:56,971 [All gasp] 357 00:13:56,972 --> 00:13:59,239 Oh, but, Kingsley, it's your destiny. 358 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,742 We literally named you "Kingsley." 359 00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:02,876 God told us to. 360 00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:04,845 It's not like we were being trendy. 361 00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:07,181 My destiny lies beyond the castle walls, mother. 362 00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:09,216 I'm going to conquer and kill 363 00:14:09,217 --> 00:14:11,719 and spread bastard children throughout the land, 364 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,654 like wildflower seeds. 365 00:14:13,655 --> 00:14:15,823 Somebody else can sit on their ass and rule. 366 00:14:15,824 --> 00:14:17,791 ♪ But who? ♪ 367 00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,560 - ♪ Who? ♪ - ♪ But who? ♪ 368 00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,829 ♪ Who? ♪ ♪ But who? ♪ ♪ But who? ♪ 369 00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,331 [Richard farts] 370 00:14:24,332 --> 00:14:26,500 [All gasp] 371 00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:27,601 Dickie? 372 00:14:27,602 --> 00:14:28,702 "Dickie." [Chuckles] 373 00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,572 Knight: Brilliant. 374 00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:32,739 Gareth. 375 00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,041 Aye. 376 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:35,609 You shall be the king's guard. 377 00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:38,312 I'm only 10, but... All right. 378 00:14:38,313 --> 00:14:40,847 I'm Gareth, and I'll faithfully serve you, My King. 379 00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:44,051 ♪ The sword, your highness ♪ 380 00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:48,288 ♪ Here's your royal sword ♪ 381 00:14:48,289 --> 00:14:50,257 ♪ To be the king, you mu... ♪ 382 00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,626 Actually, I think I will take the sword. 383 00:14:52,627 --> 00:14:54,027 [Subjects gasp] 384 00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:56,196 Good luck... Dickie. 385 00:14:56,197 --> 00:14:57,597 [Chuckles] 386 00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,234 Chef: How humiliating. 387 00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:02,469 That's it. 388 00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,304 It was humiliating. 389 00:15:04,305 --> 00:15:07,307 Everything comes back to this moment. 390 00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:09,009 I have spent my entire life 391 00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:11,511 behaving as if I'm everyone's second choice... 392 00:15:11,512 --> 00:15:13,713 my parents', my kingdom's, and now my queen's. 393 00:15:13,721 --> 00:15:16,290 Let's go take back my kingdom! 394 00:15:18,386 --> 00:15:19,986 Where's that bloody door? 395 00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:23,156 Well, how the hell are we supposed to get up there? 396 00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:25,492 That was amazing! 397 00:15:25,493 --> 00:15:26,893 Thank you, Xanax. 398 00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:28,962 I now know exactly what I must do. 399 00:15:28,963 --> 00:15:30,797 Come on, chef! To the horses! 400 00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,532 I wouldn't ride just yet. 401 00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,334 Again, it's a legal thing. 402 00:15:34,335 --> 00:15:38,304 A guy once... he took his horse through a farmers market, 403 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,873 and there was... "raaaaaah!" 404 00:15:39,874 --> 00:15:42,275 The hooves and the crushing and s-screaming, so... 405 00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:44,377 - Ugh... - Let the potion wear off. 406 00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,246 An hour, say? 407 00:15:46,247 --> 00:15:47,280 Oh. Okay. 408 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:50,416 Hey, in that case, you guys want to see my room from when I was a kid? 409 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,818 Wow. [Chuckles] 410 00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:53,253 Let's... let's do this. 411 00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:53,953 Great. 412 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,422 [Chuckles] 413 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,529 Listen, Galavant... 414 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,965 I know what I did to you was horrible... 415 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,667 probably even worse than what Madalena did to you, 416 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,669 because at least she had the guts to do it to your face. 417 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,471 And I won't say it again, 418 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,473 but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know. 419 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,209 Just so you know... I'm really sorry. 420 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,411 Oh, God. You must feel really bad. You're babbling. 421 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,512 [Scoffs] 422 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,514 You only babble when you feel really bad. 423 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,950 I do not babble when I feel bad. 424 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,084 I'm not saying it's a bad thing. 425 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,220 To be honest, I've rather grown to like it. 426 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,222 But you do babble, princess. 427 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,491 Princess Isa-babble. 428 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,026 [Laughs] "Princess Isa-babble." 429 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,503 Okay, hang on a sec. 430 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,764 Babbling is when someone talks nonsense, 431 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,399 and I do not talk nonsense. 432 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,869 I mean... Sometimes, at times, I guess I do babble, 433 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,071 but it's only because I have a lot going on in my head and... 434 00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,406 oh. Never mind. 435 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,541 Look, you don't have to feel bad. 436 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,443 They're your parents. 437 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,578 When you care about somebody... 438 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,213 You'll do anything for them. 439 00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:59,751 Love is... Strange. 440 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,953 And sometimes kind of gross. 441 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:05,123 ♪ It's embarrassingly gassy ♪ 442 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:09,327 ♪ And it leaves its dirty underwear ♪ 443 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,564 ♪ In piles around the place ♪ 444 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,667 ♪ Love is rude, it has a sort of smell ♪ 445 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:19,404 ♪ And it thinks that you don't notice ♪ 446 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,972 ♪ And it blurts out things ♪ 447 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:25,677 ♪ That make you want to smack its stupid face ♪ 448 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,647 ♪ And it's awkward and confusing ♪ 449 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,916 ♪ It annoys you half to death ♪ 450 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,752 ♪ Then it grins that dopey grin ♪ 451 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,856 ♪ And you can't catch your breath ♪ 452 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:41,359 ♪ Love is strange and sometimes sort of smug ♪ 453 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,963 ♪ And it's really, really bossy ♪ 454 00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,632 ♪ And it messes with your head ♪ 455 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:51,870 ♪ Till you're a hopeless basket case ♪ 456 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,204 ♪ And it's stubborn ♪ 457 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,205 ♪ It's insulting ♪ 458 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,074 ♪ It's obnoxious ♪ 459 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,575 ♪ It's the worst ♪ 460 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:03,615 ♪ You keep pushing it away, and you fall in headfirst ♪ 461 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,385 ♪ Love is strange ♪ 462 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,554 ♪ And often pretty drunk ♪ 463 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,323 ♪ It looks different without makeup ♪ 464 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:16,060 ♪ And it's nothing like the fairy tales ♪ 465 00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:19,197 ♪ You grow up dreaming of ♪ 466 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,298 ♪ Love is weird ♪ 467 00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,300 ♪ Love is dumb ♪ 468 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:25,236 ♪ Love is strange ♪ 469 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:36,714 ♪ And that's what makes it lo-o-o-o-o-ve ♪ 470 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,883 I've been so blind. 471 00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,985 Madalena never loved me. 472 00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,087 When you love someone, you shout it from the rooftop, 473 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,555 not couch it in a riddle. 474 00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:45,823 Or in a song. 475 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,225 That's more cinematic. 476 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,659 [Chuckles] 477 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,395 Well, how's that for timing? 478 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,196 Our stars are finally aligning 479 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,165 on the same day I'm going to die. 480 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,900 No. 481 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,505 No, you're not gonna die today. 482 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,340 And you're not gonna die today. 483 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,909 And you're not gonna die today. 484 00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,778 You might already be dead. 485 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,282 Well, what are you going to do? 486 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,483 What else? 487 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,385 Save the day. 488 00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,490 Have these been open the whole time? 489 00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:23,060 No one thought to check? 490 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,495 Really? 491 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,636 Is it done? Did you torture them? 492 00:19:32,637 --> 00:19:34,305 Nah. 493 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,740 But I gave you an order. 494 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,109 I don't give a rat's ass about your orders. 495 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,878 I might be a dog, but at least I'm a loyal one, love. 496 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,149 Now, I serve the king, so I only follow his orders. 497 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:48,819 That is so nice to hear. 498 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,423 You have always been my most loyal friend, Gareth. 499 00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,159 I know you're not a hugger, but if you were, 500 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,194 I would wrap myself around you 501 00:19:57,195 --> 00:19:59,463 like a leather jacket made of love. 502 00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,898 Mm. 503 00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:01,899 Xanax? 504 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,267 - So much Xanax. - Mm. 505 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,435 Okay, couple of things. 506 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,771 First, chef, I am so munchy. 507 00:20:07,772 --> 00:20:09,673 Could you make me, like, a cheesy omelette 508 00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:12,109 with some ham chunks, potatoes fried in bacon grease? 509 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,544 - Right away, sire. - Excellent. 510 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,746 Next, I'm breaking up with you. 511 00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:19,149 Gareth, would you please escort Madalena down to the dungeon 512 00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,784 and lock her up forever? 513 00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:21,752 Huh? 514 00:20:23,955 --> 00:20:24,955 Come on. 515 00:20:24,956 --> 00:20:26,590 Wait! 516 00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,959 It would be rude to imprison your queen 517 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,195 when we have such a special visitor. 518 00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,596 What visitor? 519 00:20:32,597 --> 00:20:34,832 What are you talking about? 520 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,401 Hello, brother. 521 00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:41,371 Kingsley? 522 00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:42,439 What's he doing here? 523 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,707 What are you doing here? 524 00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,042 I'm here to take your life. 525 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,833 My life? 526 00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:48,667 Your lifestyle. 527 00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,647 Your kingdom. 528 00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:54,184 Of course, if you get in my way, 529 00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:58,200 I'll have to take your life, too... 530 00:21:01,018 --> 00:21:03,018 Dickie. 531 00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:06,023 This is gonna to be fun. 532 00:21:06,024 --> 00:21:08,234 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com