1
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

2
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Guess what? Luke is
shaving for the first time!

3
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,244
His face? Both hairs?

4
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:16,215
But they are just
babies. It seems so cruel.

5
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,651
Our little Luke is growing up.

6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,254
Soon he'll be applying
to trade schools and,

7
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,790
and getting his own probation officer.

8
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:30,195
Guys, this is an important
rite of passage for Luke, okay?

9
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,331
We all need to support him.

10
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,500
Oh!

11
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,839
Luke, you look so handsome!

12
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,209
That shirt really
matches your blood stains.

13
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What did you shave with, a cheese grater?

14
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,215
Okay, so I might have lost a little blood.

15
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,584
But that's what bath mats are for.

16
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,253
Overall, I think I nailed it.

17
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,222
Why are you all spinning around?

18
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Luke, I'd like to apologize for
being so insensitive this morning,

19
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,919
so I got you an electric razor.

20
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:04,323
It won't cut you like that cheap
plastic thing Jessie gave you.

21
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Which also had tiny leg hairs in it.

22
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,427
Ugh!

23
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,298
My boy, welcome to the
facial hair fraternity.

24
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,667
Remember, never overdo the aftershave,

25
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,070
and be ready for the day
when the hair leaves the head

26
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:20,539
and starts growing from your nose and ears.

27
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And in your case, shoulders.

28
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Speaking of which, let's start by
trimming that neck hair of yours.

29
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Bertram! Aah!

30
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,325
Refill please.

31
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:45,564
What? What's wrong?

32
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,333
Nothing. It looks great!
Doesn't he look great, Zuri?

33
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,068
He doesn't look worse.

34
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,643
I can't believe I have to return all
these incredible wedding presents.

35
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:02,581
Alas, your dream of owning a Turkish
towel warmer will have to wait.

36
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,083
Is there anything saying I
can't keep just this one gift?

37
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Only common human decency.

38
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Oh.

39
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It is Darla, your step-sister.

40
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Oh. Ignore.

41
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,763
But she has gone from frenemy to family.

42
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She is now framily.

43
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I just don't have time
to deal with all of her

44
00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:25,637
questions about my
husband, and my wedding...

45
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How long could that take?
You have had neither.

46
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Darla doesn't know that.

47
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You neglected to tell your family
that you did not get married?

48
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I told them! In Morse Code.

49
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,018
Look, if Darla finds out, then
she'll assume Brooks dumped me,

50
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,208
and I'll never hear the end of it.

51
00:03:41,239 --> 00:03:44,089
Kind of like you never let her forget
that she pushed you down a well?

52
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,758
That's different! One word, leeches.

53
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:50,730
Hi, Tony.

54
00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:53,428
Hey. I'm here to ship
out the wedding presents.

55
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,902
Whoa!

56
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,471
Did someone give you
his-and-hers anvils?

57
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,174
Not everyone was considerate enough to give

58
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:06,845
Jessie a nice, lightweight,
used take-out menu like you did.

59
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,748
That's a used take-out menu in a frame.

60
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And it's still my favorite present.

61
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I've heard it's okay to
keep one wedding gift.

62
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I hope you'll choose this one.

63
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Aww. Of course I will.

64
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But this was really more
of a pre-wedding gesture.

65
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So the towel warmer stays.

66
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,674
What happened?

67
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,636
You look like you got in
a fight with a lawnmower.

68
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,917
Bertram must've done
this when he shaved me!

69
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,086
Bertram was shaving you?

70
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,188
What goes on in that
house when I'm not there?

71
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:55,060
I can't believe he and Zuri just let
me walk outside looking like an idiot.

72
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,828
You always look like an idiot.

73
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,830
Now you just look like an
idiot with a bad haircut.

74
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:08,073
I really think you should just tell
Darla you did not get married.

75
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After all, you always tell
us, honesty is the best policy.

76
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,944
Mmm, not with Darla.

77
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One time, she took a picture
of me in my training bra,

78
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and put it where everyone could see it.

79
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On the Internet?

80
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,018
No, on the base water tower.

81
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:24,022
And they say Texas is flat.

82
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It's not like I'm ever gonna
run into Darla in New York City.

83
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Howdy, step-sissy!

84
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,999
Darla?

85
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,768
Wh... Why doesn't this ever happen
when I mention Channing Tatum?

86
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Jessie, I called you, like, 50 times.

87
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Why didn't you pick up?

88
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,077
It's not like you have any
friends keeping you busy.

89
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,147
Well, with enemies like
you, who needs friends?

90
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,650
Good one, Jessie! Thank you.

91
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,020
Hi, there! Who's this little fella?

92
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,955
That's Ravi. You've already met him.

93
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,558
Texas? Your mother's wedding?

94
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His giant lizard briefly dated your dog?

95
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,197
Oh, yeah! Of course!

96
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That was creepy.

97
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:11,737
Sorry I missed your calls,
Darla. My phone's not working.

98
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:14,106
Huh.

99
00:06:14,108 --> 00:06:16,942
Hmm.

100
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,210
You can't hear that?

101
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,011
What? Um...

102
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Oh, you know what?

103
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Sorry, I thought it was
the ringing in my head.

104
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,984
It's been there ever since
you threw me down that well!

105
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:30,689
Wow, it took only two minutes
for you to bring that up.

106
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,191
Well, it took two days
for them to bring me up.

107
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So, don't you need to be getting back

108
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,832
to the airport to catch a
plane, or a flying monkey?

109
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Actually, I have a two-night layover,

110
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and I'm spending all of it with
you and your brand new hubby.

111
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Great.

112
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Um, actually, the wedding was can...

113
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Candle-lit like a dream.

114
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Hey, where's your wedding ring?

115
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When you first posted a picture of it,
I was like, "Wow, that is so fake."

116
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Oh, oh, it's real, and
it's at a photo shoot.

117
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For the cover of BQ magazine.

118
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BQ? Bling Quarterly.

119
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Aah!

120
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Uh-huh. And where's Brooks?

121
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On the cover of IHQ?
Imaginary Husband Quarterly?

122
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,079
That's ridiculous. Whoever
heard of that magazine?

123
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Sweetie, Brooks doesn't exist, does he?

124
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You made him up so you could feel special,

125
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just like you made up having
a Valentine every year.

126
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Hey, dads count!

127
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And BTW, here comes my hunky husband now.

128
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Darla, meet Brooks!

129
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Doo-doo, meet fan.

130
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Bertram! Zuri!

131
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Hide!

132
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Hello.

133
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So, Bertram, why didn't you tell
me you carved a moat in my hair?

134
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I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

135
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I'm gonna get you back for this, Bertram.

136
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Huh?

137
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:29,040
You won't know how or
when, but it will happen.

138
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Yeah. And that goes for you, too, Zuri.

139
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,814
There's no Zuri here!

140
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Just us pots and pans.

141
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Ow! And a corkscrew.

142
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,156
Wow! Jessie!

143
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This place is way too nice for you.

144
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You, too.

145
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:54,229
Why don't you go check into the
Budget Hut on Queens Boulevard?

146
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,902
That place is nice!

147
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,837
They wash the sheets after every guest.

148
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:02,507
As if you would stay there.

149
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:07,012
You, Brooks Wentworth III,
my rich, perfect husband.

150
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,348
Jessie, are you okay?

151
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,151
Yes! I'm just nuts about you, Brooks!

152
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,153
And so are all of the kids.

153
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,188
It is true.

154
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,057
We are cray-cray about Brooks.

155
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I feel so dirty.

156
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:27,165
Yes. Darla does look dirty.

157
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,235
Why don't you show her up to the
guest room so she can freshen up?

158
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,003
I don't think that's necessary.

159
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,306
I do.

160
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:40,111
I do not smell anything.

161
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,213
Except a stinking lie!

162
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,752
Are you guys rehearsing some
weird play I don't know about?

163
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,922
Look, I don't want Darla to
know I didn't get married,

164
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,091
so I need you to pretend to
be Brooks until she leaves.

165
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,926
Please?

166
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,162
Jessie, I don't know how
to fake being a rich guy.

167
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,531
The last time I opened my
wallet, a moth flew out!

168
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,033
It's nothing you can't learn.

169
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:05,036
And luckily for you, I
know the perfect teacher.

170
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,272
Welcome to Faking Wealth 101.

171
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,775
In this class, you'll go
from sad-sack to NASDAQ!

172
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:14,179
I have no idea what that means.

173
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:18,249
It means we have a lot of work to do.

174
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,286
Jessie! Oh!

175
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,455
Look at what Bertram and Zuri did to me!

176
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,891
You could land a toy plane on my head!

177
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,127
Great! Hours of fun for
everyone. I'm busy here.

178
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,162
What? What? But...

179
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,797
Okay, fine.

180
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,532
You get started without
me. I'll be right back.

181
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,501
Come on!

182
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,570
Is that the new rich guy hairdo?

183
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,805
'Cause if so, that is a deal-breaker.

184
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,387
So, Jessie, your solution
is tagging my head?

185
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,190
I'm gonna be the laughing
stock of the tenth grade.

186
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,752
On the bright side, now Ravi will
have someone to eat lunch with.

187
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:07,866
Okay, Luke, you know, you're
a man who shaves now,

188
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,367
so you can make your own decisions...

189
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:13,038
Oh, I have. I'm gonna
destroy Zuri and Bertram.

190
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,106
Luke, please don't retaliate.

191
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,374
Why not?

192
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,476
Because it's childish and petty.

193
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,846
Now if you'll excuse me,

194
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,049
I have to go make Darla eat
her rotten little heart out.

195
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:29,020
Hey, we're going to dinner
with Darla in an hour.

196
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,455
So, how's it going?

197
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,391
Whoa, Tony, you're
really working up a sweat.

198
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,393
It's not sweat.

199
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,429
What's your name?

200
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,963
Tony!

201
00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:44,402
No! For the tenth time,
your name is Brooks!

202
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,271
Hey, that's mean.

203
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:49,541
He's doing his best. Hang on, let me try.

204
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:53,445
Brooks, what is the most valuable
painting in your collection?

205
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,981
I don't know. Dogs Playing Poker?

206
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,891
Stay away from us!

207
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,227
I've got a spatula here,
and I'm not afraid to use it.

208
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,597
I just came in to watch TV.

209
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,499
What's on?

210
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,435
Coronary Country Cookin'.

211
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,539
They're making squirrel sausage
with a road kill reduction.

212
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,643
You look great, Luke.

213
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,613
That shirt really goes with
your very life-like liquid hair.

214
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,215
Oh.

215
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,684
Uh, now, is that matte or semi-gloss?

216
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,122
The TV is all yours, Luke.

217
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,057
You can watch anything you want.

218
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,925
Maybe you'd like a foot massage?

219
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,260
Give him a foot massage!

220
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,036
Why me?

221
00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:46,131
You're younger! You have more
years to forget the horror!

222
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,601
Well, you're older, so you have less
time to be haunted by the memory!

223
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,939
You know, my feet are a little tired.

224
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,275
A massage sounds lovely.

225
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,713
Mmm. Ew.

226
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:05,216
Couldn't you have trimmed his toe
hair while you had the razor out?

227
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:10,054
I mean, you should be a foot model.

228
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,379
Guys, relax.

229
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:17,061
Jessie said I shouldn't retaliate
against you, and she's right.

230
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,364
So you mean you're not gonna get us back?

231
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:22,267
No, of course not. I'm not a child.

232
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,637
You guys have a nice night.

233
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,078
Luke isn't done with us yet.

234
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,216
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

235
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,252
You should know. All your
dishes are served cold.

236
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,160
I can see why Jessie likes this place.

237
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:53,731
She's partial to food in baskets, being
from a long line of carnival workers.

238
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,669
Not a long line.

239
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,505
One uncle.

240
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,308
And he ran the most honest
bean-bag toss on the midway.

241
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:08,646
I, for one, am proud that our
five kids will be part carny.

242
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:12,050
Wow, five kids?

243
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,320
Yeah. Teresa, Angela-Marie,
Vinny, Carmella, and Tony Junior.

244
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:18,122
I mean, Brooks Junior.

245
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,258
Yeah. The Fourth.

246
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,662
Your free-range corndogs are almost ready.

247
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,731
While you're waiting, maybe
Brooks could tell Darla

248
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,200
two or three fun things
about his college days.

249
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,269
Yeah, Brooks is a Harvard grad.

250
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,372
Wow! I keep telling
Jessie to get an education.

251
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,174
I loved college.

252
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,309
Flight attendant school is not college.

253
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,413
Then why did I get a diploma,
and tiny little wings?

254
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,817
That's between you and Dustbowl Airlines.

255
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,821
So, Brooks, did you like Harvard?

256
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,423
Loved it. It was the
best two years of my life.

257
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,325
Mmm-mmm. One year? 18 months?

258
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,329
He graduated early.

259
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,532
Yeah, he's so smart that he
didn't need all four years.

260
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:05,336
Which, as everyone knows,
is how long college takes.

261
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,808
Jessie, may I have a quick word?

262
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:16,648
Excuse me. Oh, sweetie, while I'm gone,
why don't you let Darla do all the talking?

263
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:21,286
So, Jessie tells me you own an airline?

264
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:24,856
I do? Boy, am I rich!

265
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,192
I really hope Tony doesn't mess this up.

266
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,696
Speaking of mess-ups, if you wanted
Tony to sound like a Harvard grad,

267
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,232
you should not have
asked Emma to coach him.

268
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:44,208
Just tell Darla the truth.

269
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,877
What, that she's a banshee
with a beverage cart?

270
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:47,845
The middle seat of people?

271
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,214
Oh, you mean about Brooks?
No, not gonna happen.

272
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,618
Jessie, you married the perfect guy!

273
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,254
I love you both! I'll be right back.

274
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:57,322
What? Ugh!

275
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,960
Okay! Whatever
you said, you are a genius.

276
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,962
You're the witch whisperer.

277
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:07,598
Thanks! All I did is offer
her a job at my airline.

278
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,269
What? You can't do that!

279
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:15,206
Yes, I can. I own the company!

280
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:19,243
No, Brooks owns the company!
You're not Brooks, you're Tony.

281
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,646
Well, I wish you would make up your mind!

282
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,581
Where's a spray bottle when you need one?

283
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,187
Thank you.

284
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:39,163
Jessie, you don't seem very
excited about my new job.

285
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,232
Look, Darla, there's
no easy way to say this,

286
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,768
but Brooks is...

287
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:47,205
A terrible boss. I can't
let you work for him.

288
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,675
What? But he seems like an absolute angel.

289
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,244
Thank you, Darla.

290
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:57,382
Well, he's not. He has a horrible
memory, lousy taste in art,

291
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,251
and cannot follow simple,
clear instructions.

292
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,754
Oh, yeah? Yeah.

293
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:04,889
Well, your step-sister
can be very ungrateful,

294
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:09,260
even when someone is doing
her a huge, huge favor.

295
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,895
She's always been selfish.

296
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:14,532
One time, she threw herself down
a well just to get attention.

297
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,971
Yes, who wouldn't want
to be seen on national TV,

298
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:22,407
fishing a leech out of their underpants?

299
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,944
I just felt bad for that poor leech.

300
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,947
Whoa! Whoa!

301
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:37,989
Brooks, just tell Darla
she can't work for you.

302
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,924
How mean can you be?

303
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,994
This from the girl who told me
a hornet's nest was a pinata.

304
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:49,300
Well, it was filled with
lots of little surprises.

305
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:55,740
Brooks, I just hope you got a pre-nup,
because you could do a lot better.

306
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,275
You know what? That's it!

307
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,477
Why am I still trying to impress you?

308
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:04,082
Uh, all of our lives, I have been
so worried what you think about me.

309
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,750
But why should I care what you think?

310
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,019
I mean, you're mean and petty.

311
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:09,954
Cinderella had nicer step-sisters!

312
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,658
What are you babbling about?

313
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:17,328
Okay, the truth is Brooks
and I didn't get married.

314
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:18,930
Finally!

315
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:26,304
So, Brooks, does that
mean you're available?

316
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,272
This isn't Brooks. This is Tony.

317
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,342
Tony the doorman?

318
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,710
So you've heard of me?

319
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,448
So you made all of this
up? What's going on here?

320
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,951
Uh, I was engaged to a
billionaire named Brooks,

321
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,620
but I called it all off at the last minute.

322
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,956
I didn't want to tell you, because
even though I didn't get dumped,

323
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,291
I knew you would still rub my nose in it.

324
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,427
I don't rub your nose in things.

325
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,663
Have I said one word about your
pathetic excuse for an acting career?

326
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,533
Uh, you just did.

327
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,870
Well, you deserved it because
you made me quit my job.

328
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:01,372
Okay, actually, uh, I do
feel really bad about that.

329
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,040
Maybe you can get it back.

330
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:07,378
Oh, I don't think so. Um,
here's the text I sent my boss.

331
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,350
Whoa!

332
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,353
Are you sure you're not from Jersey?

333
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:21,459
Darla, how can I make this up to you?

334
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,995
Well, you can
start by giving me that watch.

335
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,831
And that necklace.

336
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,699
And those earrings.

337
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,968
And your shoes.

338
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,770
Wha... Wait! But we don't
even have the same size feet!

339
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,773
I know. I just need something
huge to put all this stuff in.

340
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,580
Let this be a lesson to you, Ravi.

341
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,749
Lying is never the answer.

342
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,084
Yes, when will I ever learn?

343
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:57,895
I wish Luke would just take his
revenge and get this over with!

344
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,363
The waiting is torture!

345
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:03,801
I know! I haven't closed my eyes
once, even when I'm napping!

346
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,037
Yeah, and it's really creepy looking.

347
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,039
This afternoon, I thought you were dead.

348
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,908
And you didn't call someone?

349
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:15,947
What do you think, I have
the coroner on speed dial?

350
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,085
Man, you guys are jumpy.

351
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,087
I told you, you're forgiven.

352
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,056
Oh! By the way, Tony sent these up for you.

353
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,691
I'm not touching that thing!

354
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:27,959
What is it, itching powder?

355
00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:30,094
Or a bunch of fake snakes about to pop out.

356
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,396
Beats me. What you
ordered is your business.

357
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,165
Stand back! I'll take care of this.

358
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,867
You can't fool us!

359
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,172
Wow! You guys really
don't like getting mail!

360
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:47,845
Wha... Oh, no. Oh, no!

361
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,181
My One Direction nesting dolls!

362
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:53,985
I just annihilated Niall!

363
00:20:57,093 --> 00:21:00,988
My Dolly Parton, Best
Little Dollhouse in Texas!

364
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,094
No!

365
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,699
Huh. Jessie was right
about not retaliating.

366
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,702
All I had to do was wait, and
your own paranoia destroyed you.

367
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,071
Maturity rocks!

368
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,810
We just got outwitted by Luke.

369
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,046
I've never been more ashamed.

370
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,848
We both know that's not true.

371
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:30,988
Hey, Tony.

372
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,024
Hey. Sorry I messed up your plan.

373
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:34,525
I'm not a very good actor.

374
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,963
When I was a cow in the third grade
play, I forgot my line. It was, "Meow."

375
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,032
You, you mean, "Moo"?

376
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:43,100
Ah, man!

377
00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:45,503
See?

378
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,471
What I see is the sweetest,

379
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:51,575
most understanding ex-boyfriend
any girl could ever have.

380
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,078
And I should never have
asked you to be someone else.

381
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,080
You're perfect just the way you are.

382
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,017
Ugh!

383
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:05,489
Quit the act already. Where's
a barf bag when you need one?

384
00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:10,695
So, Jessie, I guess I'll be staying
with you until I get another job.

385
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:12,763
Oh, no, no, no. No.

386
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,700
Actually, I got you your job back.

387
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,101
You did? How?

388
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,036
Well, I just called your boss,

389
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:22,239
and explained to him that you
were a deeply disturbed young woman

390
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:24,008
who's willing to take a pay cut.

391
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,244
You're welcome. Thanks for nothing.

392
00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:29,914
I'll go get my luggage.

393
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,682
Don't worry, I'll leave your shoes.

394
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,884
They won't fit in the overhead bin.

395
00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:37,221
Actually, no need to go back up.

396
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,090
Bertram is sending your luggage down.

397
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,562
How dare you?

398
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:47,598
You are never getting an
upgrade on Dustbowl Airlines.

399
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,867
That won't be a problem. I fly private.

400
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,269
Buh-bye.
Buh-bye. Buh-bye.

401
00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:00,144
Oh, Luke.

402
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:03,753
Now that you're finally old enough,
I have a sweet surprise for you.

403
00:23:03,784 --> 00:23:06,714
All right! All my begging
has finally paid off!

404
00:23:07,619 --> 00:23:08,786
Mmm...

405
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:12,637
Oh.

406
00:23:12,668 --> 00:23:16,293
Look, this shaving kit used to be my dad's.

407
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:18,796
And now that you're finally becoming a man,

408
00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,031
I want you to have it.

409
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:23,901
Oh, this is cool! What do I shave with?

410
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,936
Oh, that's the best part.

411
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:28,038
With this bad boy right here!